Cheating vs Ethical Non-Monogamy: Honesty, Jealousy & Modern Dating Culture

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Alright y'all, before we
dive in, a quick heads up.

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This show is raw, real, and
definitely not rated pg.

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We're talking about adult themes, sexual
content, and the kind of stuff you

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probably don't want blasting through your
speakers at work or around your kits.

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So grab some headphones, pour your
drink of choice and get comfy.

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Oh, and just so we're clear, we are not
licensed therapists, counselors, or sex.

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Couches.

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Sex coaches.

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Sex coaches,

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not sex couches

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or just a couple of people sharing our
lives, experiences and sexy adventures.

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An ethical non-monogamy.

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So with that, pull up a
chair and enjoy the show.

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And.

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Hello and welcome to another
episode of Beyond Monogamy.

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I'm Adam.

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And I'm Pris.

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And today we are talking about something
real that happened in our house

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this week and before anybody panics,
we're not airing family drama, not

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here, but it did spark a conversation
that honestly needs to be had.

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Yeah, this is one of those moments
where parenting, relationships,

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ethics, and modern dating culture
all slammed into each other at once.

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Oh, it's so stressful.

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Our kids know we're
ethically non-monogamous.

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They know about the podcast, obviously,
they understand that relationships

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can look different, but what
happened this week reminded us that.

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Just understanding non-monogamy really
doesn't make you understand ethics,

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and that applies whether you're
monogamous, open, swinging,

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poly, whatever label you use.

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Yeah, so today we're gonna talk about
the younger generation's, social media,

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cheating versus ethical, openness,
emotional maturity, jealousy, and

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why honesty is the actual foundation,
not relationship structure.

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And if you're new here, welcome.

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The show is about real conversations
around ethical, non-monogamy, swinging

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relationships, communication, and
navigating the lifestyle without the bs.

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So make sure you follow the show wherever
you're listening, especially on Spotify.

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Leave us a review because it helps more
people find real conversations like this.

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And check out everything that we've
got going on at beyond monogamy com.

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All right, let's get into this.

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Yes.

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Let's get into this.

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So, without getting into personal details,
something happened recently where a

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younger couple, I'm not gonna say any
names, was dealing with cheating, but it

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wasn't the traditional cheating store.

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Yeah.

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Because ethically, because
technically they had already

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talked about the possibility
of opening up the relationship.

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Right.

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But the difference came down to
emotional maturity and ethics, which I,

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I, I feel like ethics really has to be
underlined, highlighted, put an asterisk

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next to it, whatever you gotta do.

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Yeah.

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You know?

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Yeah.

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So let's get into this.

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I, I wanna start by saying, you
know, the younger generations

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understand non-monogamy, but they're
not always responsible for it.

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Like, they don't, they don't
have the responsibility for it.

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Like they're still learning to be adults.

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Yeah, for sure.

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And it's har it's, I think it's a little
harder for them because of social media.

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So, and I mean, not harder, but
things can be found out faster.

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So back in the day, like
when we were younger

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mm-hmm.

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We could have, I mean, I had several
boyfriends in several schools.

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Yeah.

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You know, like I went to
one high school, but I had a

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boyfriend in another high school.

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Right.

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And I had another boyfriend
in another high school.

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Yeah.

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Did they ever find out?

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Of course they did.

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It's a small city.

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Right.

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And so stuff like that, like
being I cheating was easier.

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I think

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cheating was easier.

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Yeah.

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You know, I remember also, you
know, I, I, I. Used to get into a

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lot of fights in high school and
all, all of them were about girls.

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Yeah.

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And most of the time it was
because I was dating a girl who

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was cheating on her boyfriend.

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Yeah.

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You know, I would date girls that
didn't go to the school that I went to.

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Did, you know, was they

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were cheating?

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No.

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Okay.

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So I, my boyfriends didn't know
that I was cheating on them.

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Yeah.

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Well, I, I think a lot of us
guys didn't know that these Yeah.

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These girls were cheating.

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I, I got caught in these
situations a few different times.

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I caught

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at the mall, man, holding hands.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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And I was like, oh, this is my cousin.

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I, I mean, it, I did.

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And I don't know.

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So it was just a little easier for us,
but I liked having several different

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options.

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Options.

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Like, I liked that, like
that was fun for me.

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Yeah.

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I wish I would've thrown
a girl in there too.

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Well, you know, that, and, and,
and so that's another part of this,

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because when we were growing up.

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There was a lot of stigma
to obviously dating around.

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Yeah.

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Like even, even when I was young you
know, my parents expected me to find

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a girlfriend and just stay with her.

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Yeah.

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They didn't say, Hey, date around.

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Yeah.

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Like we've, we've told our kids
before date around you don't

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have to take anything seriously.

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Yeah.

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You're in high school.

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And, and they are, they're not.

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They're, they're totally monogamous told.

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And I think that actually if you
really like, delve into it, that

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that really comes because they
come from divorced families.

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You think?

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I do?

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Because it was so hard for me to
become non monogamous with you because

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I did not come from a broken family.

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I came from a very good parental
that were married for what?

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40.

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Hey, I did too.

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Pal.

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You did too.

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But you had cheating.

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Yeah, there was, it was very obvious

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cheating.

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I did not have any cheating.

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My mom would've kicked my mom.

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It's my dad's ass

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for, for as long as I could remember.

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I think from middle school on up.

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Yeah.

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We just kind of knew that he was cheating.

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So you had that

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It was, it was out in the open
that they would, they would

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get mad at each other about it.

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My mom was very clear on her accusations.

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My dad was scared of my mom.

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Yeah.

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Oh God, no.

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So I think that's why it's so hard
for some of our kids to, maybe our

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younger ones might be more open to
it at some point, but our older ones

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came from divorced parents, and I
think that really has something to

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do with them wanting to have a once
just a monogamous relationship.

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I think that's interesting because.

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They've straight up told us that all
of their friends in high school, like

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they all know about non-monogamy.

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Yeah.

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Like it's openly discussed.

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Yeah.

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Uh, e and m language is way
more normalized now than when

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it was when we were growing

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up.

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Oh, for sure.

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I mean, there was a lot of slut shaming.

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There was a lot of slutting.

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Like was there, there wasn't
any slut shaming for boys,

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but for women, like for girls.

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Oh my god.

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I was called and that's
'cause I didn't even sound

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for boys.

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It was virgin shaming.

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So this is a like,

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if you didn't lose it.

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Yeah.

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Like, so this is the way it,
it works in high school, or at

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least back when we were kids.

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Yeah.

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Was that if you were a girl, you would
get slut shamed even if it wasn't

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true, would they would suspect that
you were being, you were friends

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with different boys or whatever.

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It's like, oh, she's
sleeping with all of them.

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How dare she?

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For guys it's,

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if you didn't do it,

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you're still a virgin.

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You can't even seal a deal
with this, that, or that.

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You know?

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It's very locker room talk.

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Yeah.

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Uh, which is it?

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It's, it's.

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It's expected because it's a low emotional
maturity of kids who are in high school.

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Right.

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You don't expect them to have
a high emotional maturity.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Um,

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but that locker room
talk is so disappointing.

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When you get older and you hit
your late thirties, your forties,

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and you talk, they're still doing

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it.

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Or even their fi or your their fifties.

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Oh my

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God.

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We know people in their

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fifties and sixties, like we've
talked to people who are older,

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who should have emotional maturity

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and they don't,

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and it's locker room talk.

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Yeah.

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All over again.

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It's like, oh man, you know, I'm, I'm
gonna bang this girl and I'm a bang

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that girl and I did this and I did that.

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I'm like, bro,

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and I bet you were never part of that
because you don't seem like a guy that

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was, I've always been, uh, I
I've always been respectful.

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Yeah.

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I never felt like kissing and
telling was real respectful.

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Yeah.

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I think there's ways to tell stories
without bringing to, to light.

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Who you're talking about
and things like that.

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Yeah, I, I, you know, obviously there's
different stories, different experiences

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that we've had that we like to talk
about, but we're not gonna throw

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people under the bus and say, oh yeah.

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You know that so and so.

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That's who it was.

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Yeah.

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I, I just, I have always felt
people deserve more respect in that.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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I mean, it's, it, it's, I had a
lot of slut shaming from guys.

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Yeah.

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Like, guys would be like, oh, you're slut.

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I'd be like, yeah, no, I'm not
actually, I don't sleep around.

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Well, you know, I think when it comes
from guys, it's more of a jealousy thing.

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It, 'cause they wish

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definitely

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that you were the slut

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de sleeping.

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Now, now I know that now being
older, I understand that.

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But, you know, we didn't have things like,

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it's like reverse psychology.

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Yeah.

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We didn't have like social
media and stuff like that.

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I think it's harder now.

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Of social media.

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Social media provides that
instant gratification.

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Yeah.

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They can talk to people instantly.

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Yeah.

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You can.

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Who are all over the place.

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You can

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different connections.

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Yeah.

258
00:09:09,052 --> 00:09:09,212
Yeah.

259
00:09:09,217 --> 00:09:09,437
Yeah.

260
00:09:09,437 --> 00:09:13,877
And, and I think I've always
said it, social media, is it, it

261
00:09:13,877 --> 00:09:18,377
breaks up relationships now is
is it really social media that's

262
00:09:18,377 --> 00:09:19,487
breaking up the relationships?

263
00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:19,877
No.

264
00:09:20,357 --> 00:09:24,437
It's whoever's, whoever's got a
roaming eye, whoever's got issues

265
00:09:24,437 --> 00:09:27,407
in their relationship, that's
what's breaking up the relationship.

266
00:09:27,737 --> 00:09:33,947
But I feel like social media is definitely
a catalyst to provide what's needed.

267
00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:34,547
Yes.

268
00:09:34,547 --> 00:09:35,297
To make it happen.

269
00:09:35,927 --> 00:09:41,777
Because I remember the first time
I cheated on my first husband

270
00:09:41,957 --> 00:09:42,197
Oh yeah.

271
00:09:42,377 --> 00:09:46,607
Was with somebody I
talked to on a chat room.

272
00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:47,417
Oh.

273
00:09:47,417 --> 00:09:48,692
Those stinking chat rooms

274
00:09:48,752 --> 00:09:48,972
and.

275
00:09:49,952 --> 00:09:54,692
I remember thinking, wow, this is
like, he's never going to find out.

276
00:09:54,722 --> 00:09:54,902
Like,

277
00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:55,862
because it's on the

278
00:09:55,862 --> 00:09:56,132
online.

279
00:09:56,132 --> 00:09:57,542
This was on the online.

280
00:09:57,782 --> 00:09:57,842
Yeah.

281
00:09:57,872 --> 00:10:00,842
And it was super easy, like super easy.

282
00:10:00,962 --> 00:10:01,232
Really?

283
00:10:01,262 --> 00:10:01,592
Yeah.

284
00:10:01,952 --> 00:10:02,222
Huh.

285
00:10:02,762 --> 00:10:03,872
I don't even think he ever found out.

286
00:10:04,112 --> 00:10:07,862
I just, you know, I, I feel like,
you know, and we talk about this

287
00:10:07,862 --> 00:10:11,492
all the time because we come
from closer minded generations.

288
00:10:11,522 --> 00:10:11,612
Yes.

289
00:10:12,152 --> 00:10:16,022
But these generations, you know, from
our oldest daughter to our younger

290
00:10:16,022 --> 00:10:21,632
kids who are in high school now, they,
they normalize these conversations.

291
00:10:21,632 --> 00:10:21,722
Yes.

292
00:10:21,752 --> 00:10:25,472
And I remember talking to our youngest
kid one time 'cause he was like, you know,

293
00:10:25,712 --> 00:10:27,362
they, they all know about the podcast.

294
00:10:27,362 --> 00:10:27,422
Yeah.

295
00:10:27,692 --> 00:10:27,722
Oh.

296
00:10:28,112 --> 00:10:33,782
And I'm like, look man, I said, I know,
I know that we're all over social media

297
00:10:33,782 --> 00:10:37,622
and this and that, but all of our stuff
is for people who are 18 years and older.

298
00:10:38,042 --> 00:10:42,182
So if your friends are seeing our
stuff, then it's because they.

299
00:10:42,707 --> 00:10:44,177
They shouldn't be, you
know, they're, yeah.

300
00:10:44,177 --> 00:10:47,027
They, they, they shouldn't be
representing themselves as 18 or

301
00:10:47,027 --> 00:10:51,137
older, but, uh, you know, I, I
really don't know how to prevent this

302
00:10:51,137 --> 00:10:52,787
because we have a podcast, you know?

303
00:10:52,787 --> 00:10:52,967
Yeah.

304
00:10:53,597 --> 00:10:57,167
And I said, I really hope that you
guys don't get picked on, or if

305
00:10:57,167 --> 00:10:58,487
you're given a hard time about it.

306
00:10:58,487 --> 00:10:58,497
Yeah.

307
00:10:58,497 --> 00:10:59,417
And they're like, no, dude.

308
00:10:59,417 --> 00:11:02,567
Like our, our friends think it's cool.

309
00:11:02,657 --> 00:11:03,017
Yeah.

310
00:11:03,197 --> 00:11:07,397
A that you guys are non-monogamous because
they all know about it in high school.

311
00:11:07,397 --> 00:11:10,517
They all know about non-monogamy
and its different factions.

312
00:11:10,517 --> 00:11:10,997
Mm-hmm.

313
00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:14,807
Um, they may not know the details of
it, but they have an idea of what it is.

314
00:11:14,807 --> 00:11:14,897
Mm-hmm.

315
00:11:15,137 --> 00:11:16,817
Because it's so normalized
to talk about it.

316
00:11:17,297 --> 00:11:20,117
And then he is like, and everybody
thinks it's really cool that you

317
00:11:20,117 --> 00:11:22,067
guys have a successful podcast.

318
00:11:22,067 --> 00:11:22,247
I

319
00:11:22,247 --> 00:11:22,337
mean,

320
00:11:22,337 --> 00:11:23,237
and I'm like, oh, well thanks.

321
00:11:23,807 --> 00:11:29,057
You know, I do think they're, it's
making them a little more mature.

322
00:11:29,927 --> 00:11:30,917
They're having to, when it comes

323
00:11:30,917 --> 00:11:31,457
to relationships,

324
00:11:31,457 --> 00:11:31,877
they're, yeah.

325
00:11:31,877 --> 00:11:35,837
From for relationships or they're
really coming to terms with it a

326
00:11:35,837 --> 00:11:41,087
little better and seeing it from
different aspects Now because of.

327
00:11:41,702 --> 00:11:42,422
Social media.

328
00:11:42,512 --> 00:11:42,842
Yeah.

329
00:11:42,842 --> 00:11:43,112
Yeah.

330
00:11:43,112 --> 00:11:44,672
So they know the vocabulary.

331
00:11:44,672 --> 00:11:44,732
Yeah.

332
00:11:44,732 --> 00:11:49,832
They know the vernacular, they
know the ideas behind it, but

333
00:11:49,832 --> 00:11:53,072
knowing the vocabulary doesn't mean
you know how to live the values.

334
00:11:53,072 --> 00:11:53,162
Yes.

335
00:11:53,162 --> 00:11:55,922
I mean, that doesn't, that doesn't
give you the emotional maturity

336
00:11:55,922 --> 00:11:57,212
to be able to pull it off.

337
00:11:57,212 --> 00:11:57,302
Yes.

338
00:11:57,302 --> 00:11:58,382
Some of them do have it.

339
00:11:58,387 --> 00:11:58,467
Yeah.

340
00:11:59,042 --> 00:12:00,122
But some of them don't.

341
00:12:00,122 --> 00:12:00,182
Yeah.

342
00:12:00,302 --> 00:12:05,102
And really, I mean just the same as
newbies who come in who are older

343
00:12:05,542 --> 00:12:08,632
and maybe they haven't reached
that emotional maturity yet.

344
00:12:08,662 --> 00:12:09,052
Yeah.

345
00:12:09,137 --> 00:12:10,672
It, they think it's a free for all.

346
00:12:10,762 --> 00:12:11,032
Yeah.

347
00:12:11,032 --> 00:12:11,932
It's a fuck fest.

348
00:12:11,992 --> 00:12:12,082
Yeah.

349
00:12:12,112 --> 00:12:12,942
Let's get out there for sure.

350
00:12:12,942 --> 00:12:14,092
Let for see who I can get with.

351
00:12:14,092 --> 00:12:15,142
Lemme do this, lemme do that.

352
00:12:15,352 --> 00:12:19,732
Hell, when we became Polly, I felt like I
had to get as many girlfriends as I could.

353
00:12:19,822 --> 00:12:19,972
Yeah.

354
00:12:19,972 --> 00:12:23,782
And the fact that I couldn't even get one,
I felt like a failure that that in and of

355
00:12:23,782 --> 00:12:26,452
itself is the wrong mentality of thinking.

356
00:12:26,512 --> 00:12:27,172
Yeah, no, for sure.

357
00:12:27,172 --> 00:12:29,212
And it takes emotional maturity for

358
00:12:29,212 --> 00:12:29,302
that.

359
00:12:29,302 --> 00:12:32,992
And, you know, I, we were, somebody
said something, I think maybe you were

360
00:12:32,992 --> 00:12:35,512
on live or something and they said.

361
00:12:36,367 --> 00:12:42,177
I don't think younger people should
be in the lifestyle because they

362
00:12:42,177 --> 00:12:47,697
don't really know the, the difference
or they, they go in there with too

363
00:12:47,697 --> 00:12:50,067
much of a big head or, or something.

364
00:12:50,757 --> 00:12:52,167
Dude, that's for everybody.

365
00:12:52,257 --> 00:12:52,617
That really

366
00:12:52,617 --> 00:12:52,797
is,

367
00:12:52,797 --> 00:12:54,897
that's not an age, that's not
even, that's not an age thing.

368
00:12:54,897 --> 00:13:00,897
Because I know older people who go into
the lifestyle who, like Adam just said,

369
00:13:01,797 --> 00:13:03,777
are like, Ooh, are we here to fuck?

370
00:13:03,987 --> 00:13:06,387
And it's like, no, dude, we're not,

371
00:13:06,887 --> 00:13:07,457
I mean, you calm

372
00:13:07,457 --> 00:13:07,847
down,

373
00:13:08,147 --> 00:13:11,897
have 40-year-old men look at your
pictures and go, Hey, nice cans.

374
00:13:11,927 --> 00:13:12,137
Yeah.

375
00:13:12,137 --> 00:13:12,887
It's like, really?

376
00:13:13,387 --> 00:13:14,112
So that's why I.

377
00:13:14,612 --> 00:13:14,852
Stage.

378
00:13:14,882 --> 00:13:16,382
It's not really an issue.

379
00:13:16,742 --> 00:13:19,742
It's how you understand it.

380
00:13:19,892 --> 00:13:20,132
Yeah.

381
00:13:20,312 --> 00:13:24,542
So yeah, understanding the
vocabulary, how, how it's all

382
00:13:24,752 --> 00:13:24,842
Yeah.

383
00:13:24,842 --> 00:13:26,432
The communication, like everything.

384
00:13:26,462 --> 00:13:29,762
And I've met some younger people who
have been emotionally mature enough

385
00:13:29,762 --> 00:13:29,882
Yeah.

386
00:13:29,882 --> 00:13:30,692
To handle this sort.

387
00:13:30,692 --> 00:13:31,497
We know we

388
00:13:31,622 --> 00:13:31,922
do,

389
00:13:32,042 --> 00:13:38,792
we know a handful of younger people that
understand every single little thing.

390
00:13:38,822 --> 00:13:45,002
And of course they understand it in
their own way, but still, it's, the

391
00:13:45,002 --> 00:13:46,652
maturity level is definitely there.

392
00:13:46,832 --> 00:13:46,952
It's

393
00:13:46,952 --> 00:13:47,192
not

394
00:13:47,192 --> 00:13:47,762
a easy thing.

395
00:13:47,762 --> 00:13:49,862
You know, I'll even, I'll take
it to another level actually.

396
00:13:50,162 --> 00:13:56,282
So oftentimes these people that we
know, they know, but they also know

397
00:13:56,282 --> 00:13:57,392
that they don't know everything.

398
00:13:57,397 --> 00:13:57,587
Mm-hmm.

399
00:13:57,932 --> 00:13:59,102
And they question a lot.

400
00:13:59,102 --> 00:13:59,192
Yes.

401
00:13:59,222 --> 00:14:01,412
And they're, and they,
they contact us a lot.

402
00:14:01,412 --> 00:14:01,502
Yes.

403
00:14:01,502 --> 00:14:04,822
And they're like, Hey so I'm
feeling like this, I mean,

404
00:14:04,822 --> 00:14:05,782
what do you think about this?

405
00:14:05,782 --> 00:14:05,842
Yeah.

406
00:14:05,902 --> 00:14:08,302
Like, how do you, what
would you do to handle this?

407
00:14:08,302 --> 00:14:08,392
Mm-hmm.

408
00:14:08,632 --> 00:14:09,682
And it's like, you.

409
00:14:10,087 --> 00:14:12,547
You're in your twenties and
you're asking these questions

410
00:14:12,547 --> 00:14:14,657
that are very philosophical.

411
00:14:14,657 --> 00:14:14,717
Yeah.

412
00:14:14,717 --> 00:14:16,727
They're very into self-realization.

413
00:14:16,727 --> 00:14:17,897
And I think that's frigging, I

414
00:14:17,897 --> 00:14:18,797
think that's amazing.

415
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:19,307
Yeah.

416
00:14:19,307 --> 00:14:23,237
I, I like, I really think that there
are more, uh, younger folk now who

417
00:14:23,237 --> 00:14:27,947
have the emotional intelligence, the
emotional maturity to be able to do it.

418
00:14:27,947 --> 00:14:29,987
Of course, there are still
a lot of people who don't.

419
00:14:30,022 --> 00:14:30,737
Yeah, yeah.

420
00:14:30,767 --> 00:14:34,877
Uh, you know, the real issue
in this situation, it wasn't

421
00:14:35,177 --> 00:14:37,127
non-monogamy, it was more secrecy.

422
00:14:37,217 --> 00:14:37,832
Yeah, yeah.

423
00:14:37,847 --> 00:14:39,527
Uh, for, for what happened here.

424
00:14:39,807 --> 00:14:45,587
Because in this situation, you know,
when, when it was talked about you know,

425
00:14:46,517 --> 00:14:53,567
it was being discussed in front of me
and I was expected to have some advice.

426
00:14:53,627 --> 00:14:55,457
And of course I have lots of questions.

427
00:14:55,457 --> 00:14:55,907
Mm-hmm.

428
00:14:56,152 --> 00:15:00,197
And one of my questions when I
found out the situation, 'cause

429
00:15:00,197 --> 00:15:05,687
essentially the situation was he
was talking to several other women

430
00:15:05,987 --> 00:15:06,077
mm-hmm.

431
00:15:06,317 --> 00:15:07,127
On Instagram.

432
00:15:07,627 --> 00:15:11,677
Without his girlfriend knowing, and
this has been going on for a long time.

433
00:15:12,487 --> 00:15:15,487
It went on for so long that he
felt like he was in too deep

434
00:15:15,487 --> 00:15:16,447
and he couldn't get out of it.

435
00:15:16,447 --> 00:15:20,077
He was just involved in these
different online relationships

436
00:15:20,077 --> 00:15:21,367
with people who were not local.

437
00:15:21,487 --> 00:15:21,697
Mm-hmm.

438
00:15:21,967 --> 00:15:23,497
Uh, they were out of town.

439
00:15:23,497 --> 00:15:28,597
So because of that, his rationale
was, it didn't feel real.

440
00:15:28,927 --> 00:15:29,317
Yeah.

441
00:15:29,497 --> 00:15:33,667
Uh, you know, it's almost like
having a relationship with chat GPT

442
00:15:33,757 --> 00:15:36,517
and we both have had these situations.

443
00:15:36,522 --> 00:15:36,682
Yeah.

444
00:15:36,832 --> 00:15:37,122
Like,

445
00:15:37,297 --> 00:15:37,507
yeah.

446
00:15:37,837 --> 00:15:41,977
I, you know, no one is
perfect in relationships and

447
00:15:42,547 --> 00:15:43,867
Adam has had this happen.

448
00:15:43,987 --> 00:15:44,467
Totally.

449
00:15:44,467 --> 00:15:45,727
I, I have had this happen.

450
00:15:45,847 --> 00:15:45,907
Yeah.

451
00:15:46,057 --> 00:15:50,527
So we, we have been in
these same situations where.

452
00:15:50,932 --> 00:15:55,072
We're in too deep and Oh
shit, if my partner finds out

453
00:15:55,402 --> 00:15:55,702
Yeah.

454
00:15:56,452 --> 00:15:56,572
Crap.

455
00:15:56,572 --> 00:15:57,202
And, and, you know,

456
00:15:57,772 --> 00:15:59,152
so we, we could really relate.

457
00:15:59,242 --> 00:15:59,632
Yeah.

458
00:15:59,632 --> 00:16:02,962
And, you know, I, I get it, you know,
reaching that point where it's like, man,

459
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:06,382
I really want to tell her about this, but
how so that I can get it off my chest.

460
00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:08,572
But so much time has passed.

461
00:16:08,572 --> 00:16:11,452
It's almost like I, if I do, she's
gonna be like, what the hell?

462
00:16:11,602 --> 00:16:11,722
Yeah.

463
00:16:11,752 --> 00:16:16,572
You know, and it's gonna be bad, but I
think eventually it's gonna get found out.

464
00:16:16,632 --> 00:16:16,842
Yeah.

465
00:16:16,842 --> 00:16:18,432
And the longer you take,

466
00:16:19,092 --> 00:16:23,172
I remember, I remember
when it happened to us.

467
00:16:23,322 --> 00:16:24,012
Oh yeah.

468
00:16:24,492 --> 00:16:25,177
And I remember that too.

469
00:16:25,857 --> 00:16:25,977
I

470
00:16:26,477 --> 00:16:31,417
remember telling you and telling
you, Hey, you, you've got,

471
00:16:31,477 --> 00:16:32,617
you can't, you can't do this.

472
00:16:32,617 --> 00:16:33,667
Like, this is not okay.

473
00:16:33,787 --> 00:16:34,057
Yeah.

474
00:16:34,237 --> 00:16:37,297
And I remember your relief.

475
00:16:38,017 --> 00:16:38,827
Oh, it was like a,

476
00:16:38,887 --> 00:16:44,137
you said, I'm so glad that you
found out, because I didn't know.

477
00:16:44,992 --> 00:16:46,102
How to tell you

478
00:16:46,282 --> 00:16:46,522
Yeah.

479
00:16:46,582 --> 00:16:47,692
What to say.

480
00:16:47,962 --> 00:16:48,172
Yeah.

481
00:16:48,292 --> 00:16:49,492
How to stop it.

482
00:16:50,092 --> 00:16:52,032
And I understood that.

483
00:16:52,362 --> 00:16:52,662
Yeah.

484
00:16:53,052 --> 00:16:53,952
And you know, I'm glad

485
00:16:53,952 --> 00:16:55,362
that you, you I, I understood that.

486
00:16:55,362 --> 00:16:55,572
Yeah.

487
00:16:55,572 --> 00:16:58,842
I'm glad that you brought that up because
I feel like it's, it's pivotal in talking

488
00:16:58,842 --> 00:17:03,102
about, because people, honestly, they
hear our podcasts, they see our content.

489
00:17:03,762 --> 00:17:05,082
They think that we do no wrong.

490
00:17:05,112 --> 00:17:05,232
Yeah.

491
00:17:05,232 --> 00:17:06,317
No, we are a real couple.

492
00:17:06,457 --> 00:17:08,412
No, we're a real couple and
we've experienced real things.

493
00:17:08,412 --> 00:17:08,502
Mm-hmm.

494
00:17:08,502 --> 00:17:11,962
And yeah, I did some boneheaded
stuff just to get into it.

495
00:17:12,422 --> 00:17:16,202
We were very clearly in the lifestyle,
but we was, we were still early on kind

496
00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:16,382
of in

497
00:17:16,382 --> 00:17:17,517
very big few, few years in beginning,

498
00:17:17,517 --> 00:17:17,757
right?

499
00:17:17,787 --> 00:17:18,077
Yeah.

500
00:17:18,077 --> 00:17:18,197
Yeah.

501
00:17:18,197 --> 00:17:18,797
It was a few years in.

502
00:17:19,022 --> 00:17:22,082
We still didn't know what the hell
was going on, and I was still very

503
00:17:22,082 --> 00:17:23,882
excited about getting experiences.

504
00:17:23,882 --> 00:17:23,942
Yeah.

505
00:17:24,472 --> 00:17:29,422
And to me, I, you know, I've always
been, as, as Pris has said, I've

506
00:17:29,422 --> 00:17:31,552
always been six steps ahead Yes.

507
00:17:31,552 --> 00:17:32,812
On the non-monogamy level.

508
00:17:32,872 --> 00:17:32,962
Mm-hmm.

509
00:17:33,292 --> 00:17:36,082
And I really wanted to get experiences in.

510
00:17:36,082 --> 00:17:38,542
And there was this girl who
was a friend of a friend's who

511
00:17:38,542 --> 00:17:39,892
reached out to me via messenger.

512
00:17:40,392 --> 00:17:44,172
We started talking and she had expressed
interest in, you know, setting up a

513
00:17:44,172 --> 00:17:48,522
threesome, like this is a kind of a thing,
but it went from interest in setting up a

514
00:17:48,522 --> 00:17:50,922
threesome to just being interested in me.

515
00:17:51,162 --> 00:17:51,252
Mm-hmm.

516
00:17:51,492 --> 00:17:53,922
Like, it just kind of curved
that way at some point.

517
00:17:53,922 --> 00:17:54,012
Mm-hmm.

518
00:17:54,252 --> 00:17:54,852
Those conversations.

519
00:17:54,852 --> 00:17:54,942
Well,

520
00:17:54,942 --> 00:17:57,192
and you have Yeah, I
wasn't in the conversation

521
00:17:57,282 --> 00:17:57,742
just No, you were not.

522
00:17:57,912 --> 00:17:58,752
It was just us.

523
00:17:58,782 --> 00:17:58,842
Yeah.

524
00:17:59,262 --> 00:18:02,532
And so initially when it started,
it was under the auspices

525
00:18:02,532 --> 00:18:04,812
of setting up something fun.

526
00:18:05,232 --> 00:18:09,612
And then as the conversations went on,
it got more one-on-one and personal.

527
00:18:09,612 --> 00:18:13,362
And, you know, I had horny brain a
lot of times in these conversations.

528
00:18:13,362 --> 00:18:16,872
So when you have an attractive woman
who's telling you stuff like this,

529
00:18:17,292 --> 00:18:18,852
it's like, yeah, you're in the moment.

530
00:18:18,912 --> 00:18:22,242
You're not thinking about anything
else but your libido and, and how

531
00:18:22,242 --> 00:18:23,352
you're feeling right then and there.

532
00:18:23,357 --> 00:18:23,517
Mm-hmm.

533
00:18:23,977 --> 00:18:26,167
And it has nothing to
do with anybody else.

534
00:18:26,667 --> 00:18:29,847
As time went on, I realized,
shit, I'm, I'm in too deep and I

535
00:18:29,847 --> 00:18:33,327
don't know how I'm gonna tell my,
my wife that this is happening.

536
00:18:33,837 --> 00:18:37,107
I was carrying it around and I remember
very specifically, 'cause I used to

537
00:18:37,107 --> 00:18:41,007
work in the construction industry and
I remember going to work every day

538
00:18:41,007 --> 00:18:44,967
and just carrying this around and just
feeling like it was weighing me down.

539
00:18:44,967 --> 00:18:45,027
Yeah.

540
00:18:45,657 --> 00:18:46,767
And I didn't like it.

541
00:18:47,257 --> 00:18:49,927
And I didn't know how to
communicate with you about it.

542
00:18:50,047 --> 00:18:52,027
And we didn't have the
greatest communication at that

543
00:18:52,027 --> 00:18:52,147
point.

544
00:18:52,147 --> 00:18:52,207
No.

545
00:18:53,082 --> 00:18:53,302
No.

546
00:18:53,322 --> 00:18:53,542
Um,

547
00:18:54,217 --> 00:18:57,097
so then, uh, you know, almost
similar to what happened

548
00:18:57,427 --> 00:18:57,757
I,

549
00:18:57,757 --> 00:18:58,657
in this situation, I was

550
00:18:58,657 --> 00:18:59,587
at work.

551
00:18:59,587 --> 00:18:59,857
Yeah.

552
00:18:59,857 --> 00:19:01,687
You, you just so happened to

553
00:19:01,747 --> 00:19:03,912
get a, some kind of weird feeling I your

554
00:19:03,912 --> 00:19:04,112
feeling.

555
00:19:04,357 --> 00:19:04,657
Yeah.

556
00:19:04,807 --> 00:19:05,467
Got on work.

557
00:19:05,467 --> 00:19:11,017
I was at work and I was like, Hmm,
I'm gonna log onto Adam's, Facebook.

558
00:19:11,587 --> 00:19:14,497
I have no idea why I, we
were not that kind of couple.

559
00:19:14,497 --> 00:19:14,557
Yeah.

560
00:19:15,097 --> 00:19:18,637
We never hid anything, so it was
just a really, it's a gut feeling.

561
00:19:19,027 --> 00:19:23,107
I logged on and I saw
this conversation and.

562
00:19:23,607 --> 00:19:25,162
I saw pictures, nude pictures.

563
00:19:25,352 --> 00:19:25,472
Yeah.

564
00:19:25,472 --> 00:19:28,527
And I don't even remember like
what the conversation was.

565
00:19:28,527 --> 00:19:32,067
I just remember seeing like
pictures and being like, no.

566
00:19:32,802 --> 00:19:33,742
And I remember,

567
00:19:34,282 --> 00:19:34,742
oh man,

568
00:19:34,772 --> 00:19:35,262
texting,

569
00:19:35,877 --> 00:19:37,197
mid work, mid work

570
00:19:37,197 --> 00:19:44,827
or calling you mid work and telling you,
Hey I just saw this and you need to stop.

571
00:19:44,977 --> 00:19:45,577
Like right now.

572
00:19:45,577 --> 00:19:46,297
You need to end it.

573
00:19:46,867 --> 00:19:48,517
And you said, okay.

574
00:19:49,207 --> 00:19:50,467
And then you hung up with me.

575
00:19:50,467 --> 00:19:54,167
And then I called the friend, the
mutual friend, and I said you need

576
00:19:54,167 --> 00:19:58,157
to call this girl who's your friend,
because she's been talking to Adam.

577
00:19:58,217 --> 00:19:59,417
And he's like, I knew it.

578
00:19:59,507 --> 00:20:02,477
I knew she was, I knew she
was a bad person like that.

579
00:20:02,927 --> 00:20:08,087
And I remember telling, I remember
messaging her and being like, so I. You

580
00:20:08,087 --> 00:20:13,937
don't know me, but I will go to Houston
and I will go and take care of this

581
00:20:13,937 --> 00:20:15,527
if you don't take care of it yourself.

582
00:20:15,527 --> 00:20:18,437
Like, you need to end this
conversation with my husband.

583
00:20:18,617 --> 00:20:21,767
And I remember telling him too,
I'm like, look, I'll go over there

584
00:20:21,767 --> 00:20:25,457
and take care of it, but I, out of
respect, I just want you to make

585
00:20:25,457 --> 00:20:26,717
sure that, you know, you handle it.

586
00:20:27,437 --> 00:20:29,327
And I, I don't know what you did, but

587
00:20:29,477 --> 00:20:31,097
So in that situation,

588
00:20:31,307 --> 00:20:32,267
like, I don't remember,

589
00:20:32,327 --> 00:20:33,287
oh, I, I ended it.

590
00:20:33,287 --> 00:20:37,037
Like I, I pretty much told her, I was
like, look, we can't talk anymore.

591
00:20:37,097 --> 00:20:38,207
I'm sorry, but

592
00:20:38,597 --> 00:20:38,837
yeah.

593
00:20:38,837 --> 00:20:42,707
This should have never happened and
I'm going to end this right now.

594
00:20:42,887 --> 00:20:45,047
You know, I was just very
short and clear about it.

595
00:20:45,257 --> 00:20:48,837
She knew and then we, we,
you know, I blocked her.

596
00:20:48,957 --> 00:20:49,197
Yeah.

597
00:20:49,197 --> 00:20:50,427
'
cause I just didn't want to have Yeah.

598
00:20:50,727 --> 00:20:52,617
Any opportunities of it coming back.

599
00:20:53,137 --> 00:20:58,017
But I remember the initial
moment that you found out.

600
00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:00,997
I was like, I just lost the best
thing that ever happened to me.

601
00:21:00,997 --> 00:21:01,012
Mm-hmm.

602
00:21:01,512 --> 00:21:04,812
Like, I was so worried about, I just lost
the best thing that ever happened to me.

603
00:21:04,812 --> 00:21:05,922
You were so scared when

604
00:21:05,922 --> 00:21:05,982
you

605
00:21:05,982 --> 00:21:06,162
got home.

606
00:21:06,642 --> 00:21:11,772
I was, I was, I, I, you know, because
I was like disappointed in myself.

607
00:21:11,832 --> 00:21:12,192
Yeah.

608
00:21:12,432 --> 00:21:15,192
You know, in situations like
that, I know guys who get busted

609
00:21:15,192 --> 00:21:18,747
cheating and they get pissed off
at their spouse who found out Yeah.

610
00:21:18,747 --> 00:21:19,092
Who's upset.

611
00:21:19,092 --> 00:21:21,162
And, and, and I always see that.

612
00:21:21,162 --> 00:21:23,412
I'm like, how are you gonna get upset?

613
00:21:24,072 --> 00:21:25,152
You're the one that fucked up.

614
00:21:25,302 --> 00:21:25,602
Yeah.

615
00:21:26,052 --> 00:21:28,282
You know, you should really have
your tail between your legs.

616
00:21:28,282 --> 00:21:30,742
Like, that's, that's my
reaction to all of this.

617
00:21:30,742 --> 00:21:30,802
Yeah.

618
00:21:30,802 --> 00:21:33,862
It's like you have no right to be upset.

619
00:21:33,867 --> 00:21:33,937
Mm-hmm.

620
00:21:34,017 --> 00:21:35,932
You are the one who's
been carrying this on.

621
00:21:36,232 --> 00:21:40,732
Now, I also thought in that moment, and we
had conversations at that moment about it,

622
00:21:40,792 --> 00:21:42,952
and you were like, is this what you want?

623
00:21:43,072 --> 00:21:44,182
Do you not wanna be with me?

624
00:21:44,482 --> 00:21:44,782
Yeah.

625
00:21:44,782 --> 00:21:46,522
And I said, no, I wanna be with you.

626
00:21:46,522 --> 00:21:47,902
Like, this is our life together.

627
00:21:47,902 --> 00:21:47,962
Yeah.

628
00:21:47,962 --> 00:21:48,862
Like, I don't wanna lose this.

629
00:21:48,867 --> 00:21:51,382
And you're like, well, I, I thought we
were doing this, you know, whatever.

630
00:21:51,382 --> 00:21:55,372
And, and that's, you know, that was a
time that we started one of our rules.

631
00:21:55,432 --> 00:21:55,612
Yeah.

632
00:21:55,642 --> 00:21:55,882
Which.

633
00:21:56,797 --> 00:21:58,117
All of us are in the conversation

634
00:21:58,177 --> 00:21:59,012
group, group chats, group

635
00:21:59,012 --> 00:21:59,212
chats,

636
00:21:59,217 --> 00:22:00,127
group chats, you know?

637
00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:02,167
But yeah, I remember
you being really scared.

638
00:22:02,227 --> 00:22:02,647
And,

639
00:22:03,157 --> 00:22:07,237
and so I said, you know, I, I will
agree to whatever you feel Yeah.

640
00:22:07,237 --> 00:22:09,727
Is the proper fix for this.

641
00:22:09,787 --> 00:22:09,847
Yeah.

642
00:22:09,847 --> 00:22:13,087
You want me to, you know, I I I
remember telling you, you wanna

643
00:22:13,117 --> 00:22:15,577
have all the passwords in my phone,
you want me my phone, whatever.

644
00:22:15,582 --> 00:22:15,732
Yeah.

645
00:22:16,297 --> 00:22:20,047
You know, whatever I have to do to
make this right, I'll make it right.

646
00:22:20,257 --> 00:22:20,407
Mm-hmm.

647
00:22:21,097 --> 00:22:27,427
Uh, and so when this whole situation
happened this past week I found those

648
00:22:27,427 --> 00:22:31,267
same questions coming out and being asked.

649
00:22:31,272 --> 00:22:31,492
Yeah.

650
00:22:31,777 --> 00:22:37,447
And it's like, well, do you not want
to be in this relationship with her?

651
00:22:37,477 --> 00:22:40,537
And he was like, I, I think she's the
best thing that's ever happened to me.

652
00:22:40,537 --> 00:22:41,977
I don't wanna lose this relationship.

653
00:22:41,977 --> 00:22:42,187
Mm-hmm.

654
00:22:42,582 --> 00:22:42,872
Okay.

655
00:22:42,967 --> 00:22:44,077
So why did you do this?

656
00:22:44,077 --> 00:22:45,277
I don't know.

657
00:22:46,102 --> 00:22:48,982
Were you getting something from
them that you don't get from her?

658
00:22:49,042 --> 00:22:49,852
Same questions

659
00:22:49,852 --> 00:22:50,032
like I

660
00:22:50,032 --> 00:22:50,092
No,

661
00:22:50,782 --> 00:22:51,052
no.

662
00:22:51,052 --> 00:22:52,372
And his answers were the same.

663
00:22:52,462 --> 00:22:52,882
Yeah.

664
00:22:52,912 --> 00:22:56,692
His And I couldn't get mad about
that because I was like, I get it.

665
00:22:56,992 --> 00:22:58,042
Your answers are the same.

666
00:22:58,042 --> 00:22:58,102
Yeah.

667
00:22:58,102 --> 00:22:59,902
You have no idea why you did this.

668
00:23:00,052 --> 00:23:00,142
Yeah.

669
00:23:00,172 --> 00:23:01,132
You just did this.

670
00:23:01,132 --> 00:23:01,192
Yeah.

671
00:23:01,252 --> 00:23:03,262
And when you did, you
couldn't get out of it.

672
00:23:03,292 --> 00:23:04,612
You didn't know how to get out of it.

673
00:23:04,942 --> 00:23:06,022
So you just kept on.

674
00:23:06,572 --> 00:23:09,422
And I think that there's, uh, the reason
why I wanted to talk about this, 'cause

675
00:23:09,422 --> 00:23:10,952
I think that this is really relatable.

676
00:23:10,952 --> 00:23:14,012
I think that this happens way
more than people care to admit.

677
00:23:14,222 --> 00:23:14,372
Oh

678
00:23:14,372 --> 00:23:14,582
yeah.

679
00:23:14,587 --> 00:23:15,962
People don't talk about
this openly enough.

680
00:23:15,992 --> 00:23:16,142
Yeah.

681
00:23:16,142 --> 00:23:16,152
No.

682
00:23:16,152 --> 00:23:19,232
And that's why I said it's important
to, for you guys to know, we had this,

683
00:23:19,232 --> 00:23:19,412
we,

684
00:23:19,777 --> 00:23:21,212
it, it, it happens.

685
00:23:21,482 --> 00:23:23,912
You, I mean, people, we're human.

686
00:23:24,002 --> 00:23:24,062
Yeah.

687
00:23:24,212 --> 00:23:24,842
We're human.

688
00:23:24,842 --> 00:23:25,802
We want things.

689
00:23:25,832 --> 00:23:29,432
And you have to be mature enough
to have that conversation.

690
00:23:29,432 --> 00:23:34,652
And if you can't have that conversation,
then it's gonna go a different way.

691
00:23:34,712 --> 00:23:34,772
Yeah.

692
00:23:34,772 --> 00:23:37,382
It's gonna become
something very unethical.

693
00:23:37,652 --> 00:23:39,332
Something that you can't get out of.

694
00:23:39,752 --> 00:23:44,282
And Yeah, it's a, it's, it's
hard to, the, the fear, the

695
00:23:44,282 --> 00:23:48,802
fear of losing your partner is

696
00:23:49,222 --> 00:23:50,152
over something stupid.

697
00:23:50,182 --> 00:23:51,172
Over something stupid,

698
00:23:51,292 --> 00:23:52,252
over something stupid.

699
00:23:52,372 --> 00:23:53,122
And it happens.

700
00:23:53,122 --> 00:23:53,992
I mean, it happens.

701
00:23:53,992 --> 00:23:54,002
It

702
00:23:54,002 --> 00:23:54,037
does.

703
00:23:54,037 --> 00:23:54,317
It, it really

704
00:23:54,317 --> 00:23:54,437
does.

705
00:23:54,457 --> 00:23:58,672
And it really takes on how
you handle the conversation.

706
00:23:58,792 --> 00:24:03,262
And in this situation she's very mature.

707
00:24:03,412 --> 00:24:03,652
Yeah.

708
00:24:04,162 --> 00:24:06,412
Very mature for her age.

709
00:24:06,922 --> 00:24:09,712
She's a very, she's very intelligent.

710
00:24:10,132 --> 00:24:16,642
And so she saw the broader picture
of it as did I, I mean, I, I think I

711
00:24:16,642 --> 00:24:19,552
grew from all your stupid mistakes.

712
00:24:20,052 --> 00:24:21,492
Well, I think we both grew from all my

713
00:24:21,492 --> 00:24:22,287
stupid mistakes, you know?

714
00:24:22,287 --> 00:24:22,687
But I mean, me, because

715
00:24:22,887 --> 00:24:24,252
I had, and I'll, I'll admit it.

716
00:24:24,252 --> 00:24:25,962
You know, I have no problem
wearing that as a badge.

717
00:24:25,992 --> 00:24:27,852
I did some stupid stuff early on.

718
00:24:27,852 --> 00:24:27,862
Yeah.

719
00:24:27,972 --> 00:24:29,262
And that's why I talk about it now.

720
00:24:29,382 --> 00:24:32,952
And I, I, I grew from it because I
remember when that happened to us.

721
00:24:32,952 --> 00:24:33,972
We were early on.

722
00:24:34,062 --> 00:24:34,182
Mm-hmm.

723
00:24:34,332 --> 00:24:35,172
And I was like.

724
00:24:35,922 --> 00:24:37,752
My thought was like, okay.

725
00:24:37,872 --> 00:24:39,732
I mean, shit, you already told him.

726
00:24:39,732 --> 00:24:40,962
He already admitted to it.

727
00:24:40,962 --> 00:24:41,682
He's not lying.

728
00:24:41,862 --> 00:24:43,422
I thought you were gonna
react the other way.

729
00:24:43,422 --> 00:24:43,752
Right?

730
00:24:43,812 --> 00:24:43,872
Yeah.

731
00:24:43,872 --> 00:24:47,022
But you were gonna react, like every
guy does is like, well, why the

732
00:24:47,022 --> 00:24:48,582
fuck are you going through my shit?

733
00:24:48,912 --> 00:24:51,012
Why don't you gimme that per,
why are you going through it?

734
00:24:51,012 --> 00:24:51,462
Like, no,

735
00:24:51,462 --> 00:24:52,302
it was a relief.

736
00:24:52,367 --> 00:24:52,587
It

737
00:24:52,587 --> 00:24:52,907
was, it

738
00:24:52,907 --> 00:24:53,347
was a relief.

739
00:24:53,472 --> 00:24:54,252
It really was.

740
00:24:54,252 --> 00:24:54,547
And I once,

741
00:24:54,547 --> 00:24:55,962
it's like, you let me out of the cage.

742
00:24:55,962 --> 00:24:56,232
Yeah.

743
00:24:56,622 --> 00:24:58,212
And I was like, okay.

744
00:24:58,212 --> 00:24:58,782
Did it hurt?

745
00:24:58,812 --> 00:25:00,042
Of course it hurt.

746
00:25:00,047 --> 00:25:00,267
Yeah.

747
00:25:00,462 --> 00:25:01,272
Of course.

748
00:25:01,272 --> 00:25:06,312
It hurt when you see words being
said to other people that you, and

749
00:25:06,312 --> 00:25:12,782
only your part, I mean, it's painful,
but I remember getting over it and

750
00:25:12,782 --> 00:25:15,122
being like, all right, well we're
gonna have to move on from this.

751
00:25:15,242 --> 00:25:16,322
We're gonna stay together.

752
00:25:16,322 --> 00:25:16,382
Yeah.

753
00:25:16,412 --> 00:25:17,612
Let's just figure this out.

754
00:25:18,017 --> 00:25:18,637
And we did.

755
00:25:18,637 --> 00:25:18,812
And we did.

756
00:25:19,412 --> 00:25:21,992
You know, that's probably one of the
times where we didn't, we kind of stepped

757
00:25:21,992 --> 00:25:23,582
away from the, from the lifestyle.

758
00:25:23,732 --> 00:25:24,392
We took a little break.

759
00:25:24,392 --> 00:25:24,452
Yeah.

760
00:25:24,922 --> 00:25:26,032
Focused on each other.

761
00:25:26,452 --> 00:25:28,672
Adam is, Adam will.

762
00:25:29,172 --> 00:25:33,042
He hates hurting my feelings any
way that he hurts my feelings.

763
00:25:33,177 --> 00:25:33,637
Oh man.

764
00:25:33,987 --> 00:25:34,437
It's the worst.

765
00:25:34,437 --> 00:25:37,002
And our rule is somebody has to apologize.

766
00:25:37,542 --> 00:25:38,982
Somebody has to be the bigger person.

767
00:25:39,042 --> 00:25:39,282
Mm-hmm.

768
00:25:39,288 --> 00:25:39,677
Mm-hmm.

769
00:25:40,152 --> 00:25:43,782
Um, and you just gotta move on from it
because you can't stay mad about it.

770
00:25:43,782 --> 00:25:44,142
Right.

771
00:25:44,322 --> 00:25:46,242
No, and I knew exactly
what I needed to do.

772
00:25:46,332 --> 00:25:46,602
Yeah.

773
00:25:46,602 --> 00:25:51,342
And I wasn't gonna be, I mean, in my past
I would've been like, oh, okay, so what?

774
00:25:52,182 --> 00:25:53,262
You're gonna do it again?

775
00:25:53,352 --> 00:25:53,622
Yeah.

776
00:25:53,627 --> 00:25:53,657
Yeah.

777
00:25:53,802 --> 00:25:54,792
You should keep doing it.

778
00:25:54,792 --> 00:25:56,352
You know, you, you made it real clear.

779
00:25:56,352 --> 00:25:58,512
You were like, look, I
don't wanna not trust you.

780
00:25:58,512 --> 00:25:58,932
Mm-hmm.

781
00:25:59,077 --> 00:25:59,737
So mm-hmm.

782
00:25:59,982 --> 00:26:02,502
I'm gonna trust the fact that
you said you're gonna fix this

783
00:26:02,802 --> 00:26:03,282
and you're never

784
00:26:03,282 --> 00:26:04,512
gonna do it again, and

785
00:26:04,512 --> 00:26:04,722
you're never

786
00:26:04,722 --> 00:26:04,762
gonna do it again.

787
00:26:04,762 --> 00:26:04,772
Yeah.

788
00:26:04,812 --> 00:26:07,962
And, and that, that's, you know,
I have, I make it a point to Yeah.

789
00:26:08,022 --> 00:26:08,862
I, I'm a human.

790
00:26:08,862 --> 00:26:11,682
I'm gonna, I'm gonna make a mistake,
but I'm gonna learn from that mistake.

791
00:26:11,832 --> 00:26:11,892
Yeah.

792
00:26:11,892 --> 00:26:13,032
And I'm never gonna do that again.

793
00:26:13,037 --> 00:26:16,752
And, and especially considering
that if I did that mistake again,

794
00:26:16,752 --> 00:26:17,532
it would hurt your feelings.

795
00:26:17,562 --> 00:26:17,622
Yeah.

796
00:26:17,622 --> 00:26:18,612
I don't like hurting

797
00:26:18,612 --> 00:26:18,672
it.

798
00:26:18,672 --> 00:26:21,342
And he let me heal in my own way.

799
00:26:21,822 --> 00:26:25,152
I would get his phone, I
would look through things.

800
00:26:25,242 --> 00:26:25,362
Yeah.

801
00:26:25,482 --> 00:26:27,312
Just because I wanted to.

802
00:26:27,897 --> 00:26:28,917
Be okay with it.

803
00:26:29,417 --> 00:26:32,027
We do it heal different ways.

804
00:26:32,147 --> 00:26:32,357
Yeah.

805
00:26:32,357 --> 00:26:32,477
Right.

806
00:26:32,717 --> 00:26:33,707
You gotta fix it different ways.

807
00:26:33,707 --> 00:26:34,547
And that was one of mine.

808
00:26:34,607 --> 00:26:37,187
And you know, one of her, one
of her things was okay from

809
00:26:37,187 --> 00:26:38,447
now on, only group chats.

810
00:26:38,447 --> 00:26:39,317
No separate chats.

811
00:26:39,317 --> 00:26:39,377
Yeah.

812
00:26:39,377 --> 00:26:43,007
And I said I, although I don't
like that I agreed to it.

813
00:26:43,007 --> 00:26:43,067
Yeah.

814
00:26:43,067 --> 00:26:46,037
Because it's like, well this is,
this is one of the stipulations.

815
00:26:46,037 --> 00:26:46,822
Now at some point,

816
00:26:47,742 --> 00:26:48,032
some

817
00:26:48,032 --> 00:26:48,977
point things got better.

818
00:26:49,397 --> 00:26:49,487
Mm-hmm.

819
00:26:49,727 --> 00:26:52,067
You know, she understood
he's not gonna do this again.

820
00:26:52,067 --> 00:26:52,127
Yeah.

821
00:26:52,187 --> 00:26:55,907
I can trust him and you know, frankly,
she's always had access to my phone.

822
00:26:55,907 --> 00:26:55,997
Mm-hmm.

823
00:26:56,237 --> 00:26:57,767
She has access to all my social medias.

824
00:26:58,037 --> 00:27:01,967
And knowing that full well
always keeps me in check anyways.

825
00:27:02,387 --> 00:27:07,037
Because when I'm having conversations
with people, I know that if I'm gonna put

826
00:27:07,037 --> 00:27:11,597
something out that maybe feels a little
inappropriate, if Pris is gonna read

827
00:27:11,597 --> 00:27:13,037
it and I could get in trouble for it.

828
00:27:13,397 --> 00:27:14,327
Then I'm not gonna send that.

829
00:27:14,477 --> 00:27:14,777
Yeah.

830
00:27:14,807 --> 00:27:15,287
You know what I mean?

831
00:27:15,287 --> 00:27:16,577
Like it helps keep me in check.

832
00:27:16,577 --> 00:27:16,637
Yeah.

833
00:27:17,097 --> 00:27:18,177
So I like that.

834
00:27:18,597 --> 00:27:20,007
A lot of good came out of it.

835
00:27:20,102 --> 00:27:20,727
It did.

836
00:27:20,777 --> 00:27:23,657
And I feel like in this situation that
happened this weekend, I think a lot

837
00:27:23,657 --> 00:27:25,007
of good is gonna come out of it too.

838
00:27:25,062 --> 00:27:25,342
I do

839
00:27:25,342 --> 00:27:25,502
too.

840
00:27:25,507 --> 00:27:27,677
Um, he seemed to be pretty relieved.

841
00:27:27,677 --> 00:27:27,767
Mm-hmm.

842
00:27:28,007 --> 00:27:31,547
Once they started working on each
other, they started realizing, okay,

843
00:27:31,937 --> 00:27:33,677
we need to, we need to fix this.

844
00:27:34,217 --> 00:27:34,547
But it,

845
00:27:34,547 --> 00:27:35,267
it's maturity.

846
00:27:35,327 --> 00:27:35,897
It is, you

847
00:27:35,897 --> 00:27:37,037
know, it's definitely maturity.

848
00:27:37,037 --> 00:27:43,217
There's a big difference between cheating
and exploring ethically non-monogamy.

849
00:27:43,307 --> 00:27:43,397
Mm-hmm.

850
00:27:43,697 --> 00:27:47,477
And they had talked about
exploring ethically non-monogamy,

851
00:27:47,477 --> 00:27:49,037
but he didn't agree to it.

852
00:27:49,037 --> 00:27:50,987
One, because he, he feels jealousy.

853
00:27:51,107 --> 00:27:51,197
Mm-hmm.

854
00:27:51,497 --> 00:27:54,467
And two, because he was already cheating.

855
00:27:54,472 --> 00:27:54,702
Okay.

856
00:27:54,797 --> 00:27:57,767
And, and she didn't know that when
they had talked about it at the time.

857
00:27:58,037 --> 00:27:59,207
Now, why was he cheating?

858
00:27:59,417 --> 00:28:01,217
Most likely because of insecurities.

859
00:28:01,817 --> 00:28:01,907
Mm-hmm.

860
00:28:02,147 --> 00:28:06,137
Uh, most of the time that we cheat, it's
either because we're not getting what we

861
00:28:06,347 --> 00:28:08,717
need from the relationship that we have.

862
00:28:08,717 --> 00:28:09,557
That's, that's why I cheated.

863
00:28:09,962 --> 00:28:13,442
Or because of our own
personal insecurities.

864
00:28:13,592 --> 00:28:13,682
Mm-hmm.

865
00:28:14,222 --> 00:28:20,492
Um, when I was getting attention
from this other woman, it wasn't

866
00:28:20,492 --> 00:28:22,292
because I wasn't getting it from you.

867
00:28:22,352 --> 00:28:22,562
Right.

868
00:28:22,772 --> 00:28:25,772
It was just because I was
very insecure about myself.

869
00:28:25,862 --> 00:28:30,422
And throughout my, my whole life, I didn't
really get much attention from women.

870
00:28:30,842 --> 00:28:30,932
Mm-hmm.

871
00:28:31,202 --> 00:28:31,667
So it felt really good.

872
00:28:31,667 --> 00:28:32,067
Mm-hmm.

873
00:28:32,192 --> 00:28:35,642
And considering we were in the lifestyle,
I felt like that was the green light.

874
00:28:35,642 --> 00:28:37,372
Like I could, I could do it.

875
00:28:37,372 --> 00:28:37,382
Mm-hmm.

876
00:28:37,382 --> 00:28:38,172
I could justified it.

877
00:28:38,192 --> 00:28:38,372
Yeah.

878
00:28:38,752 --> 00:28:43,792
But had I talked to you about it openly
beforehand, you probably would've made

879
00:28:43,792 --> 00:28:45,892
it real clear it wasn't justified.

880
00:28:46,402 --> 00:28:46,732
Yeah.

881
00:28:46,737 --> 00:28:49,642
And that just made it easier
to not talk to you about it.

882
00:28:49,642 --> 00:28:49,702
Yeah.

883
00:28:49,982 --> 00:28:54,662
And so that's what it, what made it a
left turn into cheating instead of a

884
00:28:54,662 --> 00:28:56,702
right turn into ethical exploration.

885
00:28:57,302 --> 00:28:59,282
Um, it, it all comes down to secrecy.

886
00:28:59,672 --> 00:29:02,762
It all comes down to I am
gonna keep this from you.

887
00:29:03,262 --> 00:29:06,082
You know, I'm gonna tell a story
about my day, or I'm gonna tell

888
00:29:06,082 --> 00:29:07,402
a story about this or that.

889
00:29:07,902 --> 00:29:09,162
I'm gonna leave that part out.

890
00:29:09,252 --> 00:29:09,582
Yeah.

891
00:29:09,642 --> 00:29:12,072
Because I feel like we're
gonna have a good day if I do.

892
00:29:12,252 --> 00:29:12,492
Yeah.

893
00:29:12,792 --> 00:29:14,472
I mean, you're people,
y'all are gonna laugh.

894
00:29:14,472 --> 00:29:15,882
We've been together for 15 years.

895
00:29:15,942 --> 00:29:17,322
I will still ask.

896
00:29:17,652 --> 00:29:17,952
Oh yeah.

897
00:29:18,012 --> 00:29:18,942
Almost every day.

898
00:29:18,972 --> 00:29:19,542
Almost every day.

899
00:29:19,662 --> 00:29:21,432
Could you talk to, did
you talk to anybody new?

900
00:29:21,642 --> 00:29:21,702
Yeah.

901
00:29:21,912 --> 00:29:25,482
Now we do have this thing
where it's not important.

902
00:29:25,482 --> 00:29:26,352
It's not important.

903
00:29:26,852 --> 00:29:28,982
If it doesn't, it's not
anything, you know, it's not

904
00:29:28,982 --> 00:29:30,362
somebody he wants to play with.

905
00:29:30,362 --> 00:29:34,762
Or I know my husband, and when he
says certain words, like he talked

906
00:29:34,762 --> 00:29:37,707
to somebody, and, you know, yeah.

907
00:29:37,707 --> 00:29:43,392
We have a good connection, then
I know, okay, I have to step in.

908
00:29:43,892 --> 00:29:49,942
And this is just something that we, we
have like, I have to be like, okay, let

909
00:29:49,942 --> 00:29:51,652
me see what y'all are talking about.

910
00:29:51,652 --> 00:29:51,662
Let.

911
00:29:52,162 --> 00:29:53,962
Let's, can I just like read it

912
00:29:53,967 --> 00:29:55,072
and you don't even ask to read it?

913
00:29:55,257 --> 00:29:55,942
I, I don't

914
00:29:56,042 --> 00:29:56,102
no,

915
00:29:56,192 --> 00:29:57,692
I just ask you like, what do you mean?

916
00:29:57,692 --> 00:30:00,092
Or, you know, and then I'll be
like, okay, let's, let me see the

917
00:30:00,092 --> 00:30:02,192
conversation, which is very rare.

918
00:30:02,692 --> 00:30:05,602
I try to give him as much trust

919
00:30:05,602 --> 00:30:05,622
to me.

920
00:30:06,022 --> 00:30:06,652
Yeah.

921
00:30:06,682 --> 00:30:07,432
Because,

922
00:30:08,392 --> 00:30:09,712
because I don't like to
be treated like a child.

923
00:30:09,717 --> 00:30:10,912
He doesn't like to be
treated like a child.

924
00:30:11,362 --> 00:30:14,692
You know what I, what I've really
asked for and what IV for in this

925
00:30:14,692 --> 00:30:16,942
relationship is just 100% your trust.

926
00:30:17,002 --> 00:30:17,272
Yeah.

927
00:30:17,452 --> 00:30:19,732
And I always said, if you could
just give me your trust 100%

928
00:30:19,732 --> 00:30:19,912
Yeah.

929
00:30:20,032 --> 00:30:21,502
I will not violate that.

930
00:30:21,502 --> 00:30:21,562
Yeah.

931
00:30:22,062 --> 00:30:23,652
And I stay true to that.

932
00:30:23,652 --> 00:30:25,272
Now, is there any way
for you to know that?

933
00:30:25,272 --> 00:30:27,222
Well, the only way that you could
know that is if you go through my

934
00:30:27,222 --> 00:30:28,807
socials, through my phone and start

935
00:30:28,807 --> 00:30:29,442
looking through it.

936
00:30:29,442 --> 00:30:29,802
Right.

937
00:30:29,802 --> 00:30:31,182
And you know what, I'm cool with that.

938
00:30:31,422 --> 00:30:32,712
You can do that whenever you want.

939
00:30:32,742 --> 00:30:33,732
And I'm not gonna get mad about

940
00:30:33,732 --> 00:30:37,387
it, but conversations and,
and being transparent.

941
00:30:37,887 --> 00:30:39,957
It was gonna set you off
or anything like that?

942
00:30:40,407 --> 00:30:41,877
Uh, there was a couple different reasons.

943
00:30:41,877 --> 00:30:47,427
Like sometimes if somebody contacts
me and I know like maybe they're

944
00:30:47,427 --> 00:30:50,247
flirting with me or whatever, and
I know it's not gonna go anywhere,

945
00:30:50,277 --> 00:30:51,957
maybe I'm not interested or Right.

946
00:30:51,957 --> 00:30:53,367
I just know it's not gonna go anywhere.

947
00:30:53,397 --> 00:30:53,607
Yeah.

948
00:30:53,997 --> 00:30:54,957
I won't tell you about it.

949
00:30:54,957 --> 00:30:55,197
Yeah.

950
00:30:55,257 --> 00:30:56,727
Because I know it's not gonna go anywhere.

951
00:30:56,757 --> 00:30:56,967
Yeah.

952
00:30:56,967 --> 00:30:59,427
This is kind of pointless
and I get a lot of that.

953
00:30:59,917 --> 00:31:04,647
Uh, but if, if I get messages and I
really like where it's going Yeah.

954
00:31:04,647 --> 00:31:06,837
And there's an interest there, then
I'll let you know, oh yeah, I was

955
00:31:06,837 --> 00:31:09,777
talking to so and so today or whatever,
and, and I'll let you know that.

956
00:31:10,137 --> 00:31:13,677
So I've gotten better, but there's
still some transparency issues on that.

957
00:31:13,677 --> 00:31:16,527
I just, I've talked to you about
that and you understood that part.

958
00:31:16,527 --> 00:31:16,587
Yeah.

959
00:31:17,017 --> 00:31:22,167
But especially like, I think here
recently, you know, I was, I was telling

960
00:31:22,167 --> 00:31:27,147
you about, some situations that I had
about somebody getting a little too close.

961
00:31:27,177 --> 00:31:27,327
Yeah.

962
00:31:27,657 --> 00:31:28,887
And, and that sort of thing.

963
00:31:29,097 --> 00:31:31,297
That is not something I would've
normally talked to you about.

964
00:31:31,297 --> 00:31:31,602
Mm-hmm.

965
00:31:31,682 --> 00:31:33,807
Even though I handled
it, I took care of it.

966
00:31:33,807 --> 00:31:34,767
Mm-hmm.

967
00:31:34,768 --> 00:31:37,887
Um, I still in conversation,
brought it up to you because

968
00:31:38,517 --> 00:31:39,447
I felt like you should know.

969
00:31:39,717 --> 00:31:40,047
Yeah.

970
00:31:40,052 --> 00:31:42,207
Um, and I remember you looking at me.

971
00:31:42,207 --> 00:31:43,197
This was just last week.

972
00:31:43,252 --> 00:31:43,947
It was it,

973
00:31:43,947 --> 00:31:45,152
and you looked at me and you were like, oh

974
00:31:45,152 --> 00:31:45,312
me.

975
00:31:45,317 --> 00:31:45,387
Lemme

976
00:31:45,392 --> 00:31:48,567
tell God tell you that this was on
our way to our Valentine dinner.

977
00:31:49,467 --> 00:31:51,267
This man we're on the freeway.

978
00:31:51,747 --> 00:31:56,487
And he says, Hey, so yeah,
this, there was this person.

979
00:31:56,487 --> 00:32:02,277
And, and you know, she messaged me and
asked if, you know, what did she, can we,

980
00:32:02,337 --> 00:32:03,777
it was, it, there was a lot to it.

981
00:32:03,782 --> 00:32:04,302
It was a lot to it.

982
00:32:04,302 --> 00:32:07,917
But pretty much she was, she was trying
to, to spur on a different dynamic

983
00:32:08,217 --> 00:32:10,197
than one that was more romantic.

984
00:32:10,197 --> 00:32:12,117
One that was a, a bit, uh, needier.

985
00:32:12,417 --> 00:32:12,942
And I wa I just.

986
00:32:13,572 --> 00:32:15,462
It was making me feel uncomfortable.

987
00:32:15,462 --> 00:32:15,762
Mm-hmm.

988
00:32:16,242 --> 00:32:19,002
And the moment I start feeling
uncomfortable, I don't like

989
00:32:19,272 --> 00:32:21,702
talking to somebody when I
start feeling uncomfortable.

990
00:32:21,702 --> 00:32:21,762
Yeah.

991
00:32:22,032 --> 00:32:27,552
So I had to unfortunately, uh, hurt,
hurt some feelings and I had to basically

992
00:32:27,552 --> 00:32:31,372
put it you know, I I, I was very direct
with it because I didn't want it to

993
00:32:31,612 --> 00:32:31,762
Yeah.

994
00:32:31,762 --> 00:32:33,322
Get misconstrued in any way.

995
00:32:33,742 --> 00:32:35,152
I wanted it to be very clear.

996
00:32:35,832 --> 00:32:39,582
And so I wasn't mean about it, but
I was also very direct with it.

997
00:32:39,672 --> 00:32:42,732
And I basically let them know,
look, this is not I'm not

998
00:32:42,732 --> 00:32:43,722
feeling comfortable with this.

999
00:32:43,722 --> 00:32:44,532
I don't really care for this.

1000
00:32:44,537 --> 00:32:45,972
This is not the dynamic that I have.

1001
00:32:46,002 --> 00:32:46,182
Yeah.

1002
00:32:46,512 --> 00:32:47,742
Uh, and it did not go well.

1003
00:32:47,977 --> 00:32:57,512
But now, now this is a new perspective
for you because previous you wouldn't

1004
00:32:57,512 --> 00:32:59,552
have even seen those signals,

1005
00:32:59,552 --> 00:33:00,807
those flags, those

1006
00:33:00,807 --> 00:33:00,817
flags.

1007
00:33:00,817 --> 00:33:00,827
I

1008
00:33:00,992 --> 00:33:04,502
would've, I would've been uncomfortable,
but I would've still continued.

1009
00:33:04,502 --> 00:33:05,702
'cause I don't like to hurt feelings.

1010
00:33:05,732 --> 00:33:06,092
Yeah.

1011
00:33:06,372 --> 00:33:08,352
And again, we've been
in this for 15 years.

1012
00:33:08,412 --> 00:33:08,682
Yeah.

1013
00:33:09,252 --> 00:33:10,572
This man is still.

1014
00:33:11,217 --> 00:33:11,697
Learning.

1015
00:33:12,057 --> 00:33:12,927
Like I'm still learning.

1016
00:33:12,927 --> 00:33:15,357
There's the Nobody stops learning.

1017
00:33:15,387 --> 00:33:15,447
Yeah.

1018
00:33:15,447 --> 00:33:18,087
We all stop, we all continue
to try and get better.

1019
00:33:18,087 --> 00:33:19,557
We are all continuing to learn

1020
00:33:19,647 --> 00:33:23,817
and conversations can
go one way or another.

1021
00:33:24,147 --> 00:33:27,537
What you say to somebody, which
we learned, which what you say to

1022
00:33:27,537 --> 00:33:28,977
somebody, they can take a different way.

1023
00:33:28,977 --> 00:33:29,037
Yeah.

1024
00:33:29,037 --> 00:33:29,817
I can get miscontrued

1025
00:33:29,852 --> 00:33:33,927
and so we're, we know, we've learned
that we have gone through so many

1026
00:33:33,927 --> 00:33:37,272
different aspects of the lifestyle and I

1027
00:33:37,272 --> 00:33:39,497
always say ups and downs, but
I feel like that has a negative

1028
00:33:39,497 --> 00:33:40,097
connotation.

1029
00:33:40,097 --> 00:33:40,157
No.

1030
00:33:40,157 --> 00:33:44,117
Like, just, just different variations of
the lifestyle and we are still learning

1031
00:33:44,117 --> 00:33:46,337
to have those transparent conversations.

1032
00:33:46,337 --> 00:33:48,707
Now I am not really a chatter.

1033
00:33:49,247 --> 00:33:51,377
I don't really talk to people.

1034
00:33:51,497 --> 00:33:51,617
Yeah.

1035
00:33:52,337 --> 00:33:56,867
I'm more of a, if you get me in a
conversation, dude, you're lucky.

1036
00:33:57,797 --> 00:33:58,157
Yeah.

1037
00:33:58,157 --> 00:34:01,397
If, if you can catch her con if
you can catch her attention Yeah.

1038
00:34:01,757 --> 00:34:05,747
And you actually get her to converse
with any kind of regularity.

1039
00:34:05,927 --> 00:34:06,137
Yeah.

1040
00:34:06,227 --> 00:34:08,687
Uh, you are doing incredibly well

1041
00:34:09,137 --> 00:34:10,067
and he likes that.

1042
00:34:10,067 --> 00:34:14,267
So he loves to know that I'm
having conversations and you

1043
00:34:14,267 --> 00:34:18,497
know, what, doing whatever fun and
then telling him about, or like,

1044
00:34:18,887 --> 00:34:19,727
that's a part of my kink.

1045
00:34:19,877 --> 00:34:20,327
Yeah.

1046
00:34:20,477 --> 00:34:23,657
Or not even telling him until after it's,

1047
00:34:23,657 --> 00:34:23,987
yeah.

1048
00:34:23,987 --> 00:34:25,847
Like at the, the end of the
night, you showing me the

1049
00:34:25,892 --> 00:34:27,492
conversation and it's kind of hot.

1050
00:34:27,492 --> 00:34:29,267
So different, different
things for different people.

1051
00:34:29,267 --> 00:34:29,687
But yeah.

1052
00:34:29,837 --> 00:34:32,807
You know, you just gotta be really
transparent on what you're doing.

1053
00:34:32,807 --> 00:34:33,677
Don't be scared.

1054
00:34:34,177 --> 00:34:38,197
Well, you know, and for, for some time
there, and this was, was a part of

1055
00:34:38,197 --> 00:34:43,087
my reason for, for not being as open
was because you made it real clear.

1056
00:34:43,087 --> 00:34:44,737
You didn't wanna know certain things.

1057
00:34:45,397 --> 00:34:47,407
You didn't want things shared with you.

1058
00:34:47,407 --> 00:34:51,727
And so that kind of muddied the waters
in and itself, because I didn't know what

1059
00:34:51,727 --> 00:34:53,467
I could share and what I couldn't share.

1060
00:34:53,472 --> 00:34:53,642
Yes.

1061
00:34:53,707 --> 00:34:55,897
And there were times where I
was real excited about something

1062
00:34:55,897 --> 00:34:57,727
and I wanted to tell you about
it, and you were like, yeah.

1063
00:34:57,847 --> 00:35:00,397
You know, all of a sudden I'd tell
you and you, your attitude changed.

1064
00:35:00,517 --> 00:35:00,907
Oh, yeah.

1065
00:35:00,912 --> 00:35:01,717
And you would be upset.

1066
00:35:01,717 --> 00:35:02,197
And I'm like,

1067
00:35:02,287 --> 00:35:02,857
I had, I

1068
00:35:02,857 --> 00:35:04,207
thought we were being open each

1069
00:35:04,207 --> 00:35:05,797
super insecurities.

1070
00:35:05,797 --> 00:35:05,977
Yeah.

1071
00:35:05,977 --> 00:35:09,547
Like I was an insecure woman.

1072
00:35:09,787 --> 00:35:10,597
Jealous.

1073
00:35:10,597 --> 00:35:16,237
I mean, I'm still that way, way,
but I talk about it now, like,

1074
00:35:16,387 --> 00:35:16,597
yeah.

1075
00:35:16,897 --> 00:35:17,797
I'm, I'm jealous.

1076
00:35:17,797 --> 00:35:19,477
I am a jealous person.

1077
00:35:20,147 --> 00:35:24,557
And I am a very controlling person
when it comes to my relationship.

1078
00:35:24,557 --> 00:35:25,547
Very territorial.

1079
00:35:25,987 --> 00:35:26,167
Yeah.

1080
00:35:26,227 --> 00:35:28,207
But my husband knows that.

1081
00:35:28,612 --> 00:35:28,912
I do,

1082
00:35:28,912 --> 00:35:32,152
we, we talk about things and I'm an adult.

1083
00:35:32,152 --> 00:35:34,972
I'm grown up now that I don't need
to know every single little thing.

1084
00:35:35,422 --> 00:35:36,832
That's just the way it is, like it is.

1085
00:35:37,042 --> 00:35:39,292
And I'm, I am, I am really, really trying.

1086
00:35:39,292 --> 00:35:39,412
Yeah.

1087
00:35:39,412 --> 00:35:42,712
I mean, you're my best friend, so I, I do,
I want to tell you everything that I can.

1088
00:35:42,712 --> 00:35:42,772
Yeah.

1089
00:35:42,772 --> 00:35:46,042
But also, you know, it's, it's
how, how is she gonna react?

1090
00:35:46,042 --> 00:35:49,042
And I've had moments where I've
sat back and I'm like, sometimes

1091
00:35:49,042 --> 00:35:50,212
it takes me a couple days Oh

1092
00:35:50,242 --> 00:35:50,302
yeah.

1093
00:35:50,302 --> 00:35:50,422
To

1094
00:35:50,422 --> 00:35:50,752
figure

1095
00:35:50,752 --> 00:35:50,842
out

1096
00:35:50,842 --> 00:35:52,312
how I'm gonna tell you something.

1097
00:35:52,432 --> 00:35:52,882
Especially my

1098
00:35:52,882 --> 00:35:53,002
mood.

1099
00:35:53,002 --> 00:35:54,322
And you can always tell

1100
00:35:54,382 --> 00:35:54,682
Yeah.

1101
00:35:54,742 --> 00:35:55,912
When I'm holding something in.

1102
00:35:55,912 --> 00:35:56,992
Yeah, you can always tell.

1103
00:35:57,022 --> 00:35:57,232
Yeah.

1104
00:35:57,262 --> 00:35:59,037
Because you come up to
me and you're like, okay.

1105
00:35:59,872 --> 00:36:00,712
Everything fine,

1106
00:36:01,127 --> 00:36:01,507
no different.

1107
00:36:01,507 --> 00:36:02,467
What do you, what's going on in that bald

1108
00:36:02,467 --> 00:36:02,747
head of

1109
00:36:02,747 --> 00:36:02,987
yours?

1110
00:36:02,987 --> 00:36:03,147
What's

1111
00:36:03,147 --> 00:36:03,307
that point?

1112
00:36:03,307 --> 00:36:06,142
And I swear it's, you've
always been in tune with me.

1113
00:36:06,262 --> 00:36:09,022
'cause I've done a great job of
hiding things, like hiding how

1114
00:36:09,022 --> 00:36:09,082
I'm

1115
00:36:09,292 --> 00:36:09,712
feeling.

1116
00:36:09,712 --> 00:36:10,912
Trust your guts.

1117
00:36:11,062 --> 00:36:11,392
Yeah.

1118
00:36:11,422 --> 00:36:11,692
Really

1119
00:36:11,692 --> 00:36:14,302
trust your gut when you know
your partner, trust your guts.

1120
00:36:14,392 --> 00:36:16,192
Don't go, don't go accusing.

1121
00:36:16,372 --> 00:36:16,462
No,

1122
00:36:16,462 --> 00:36:20,062
but it, it, it doesn't hurt to
prod, it doesn't hurt to ask no.

1123
00:36:20,062 --> 00:36:22,252
And be like, Hey, I feel
like something is wrong.

1124
00:36:22,252 --> 00:36:22,402
Yeah.

1125
00:36:22,402 --> 00:36:26,362
I feel like maybe something's on your
mind, you know, if something is going

1126
00:36:26,362 --> 00:36:29,362
on, if, if, if somebody truly loves you.

1127
00:36:30,022 --> 00:36:33,382
And they're fooling around behind
your back and you come up to

1128
00:36:33,382 --> 00:36:36,532
them very sweet and lovingly and
you're like, is everything okay?

1129
00:36:36,652 --> 00:36:37,822
I feel like something's wrong.

1130
00:36:38,122 --> 00:36:38,362
Yeah.

1131
00:36:38,422 --> 00:36:39,742
Let's talk, you know, have a

1132
00:36:39,742 --> 00:36:39,982
moment.

1133
00:36:39,982 --> 00:36:40,192
Let's talk

1134
00:36:40,192 --> 00:36:41,872
about, have a a, a one-on-one.

1135
00:36:42,082 --> 00:36:42,142
Yeah.

1136
00:36:42,262 --> 00:36:46,492
Quiet behind closed doors moment,
because I guarantee you're gonna

1137
00:36:46,492 --> 00:36:47,512
pull at their heartstrings.

1138
00:36:47,512 --> 00:36:47,602
Mm-hmm.

1139
00:36:47,602 --> 00:36:48,922
And they're gonna be
like, I can't keep this

1140
00:36:48,922 --> 00:36:49,102
anymore.

1141
00:36:49,102 --> 00:36:50,422
We call it best friend ears.

1142
00:36:50,422 --> 00:36:51,082
Best friend ears.

1143
00:36:51,142 --> 00:36:51,887
We're like, I need no judgment.

1144
00:36:51,892 --> 00:36:53,512
I need best friend ears right now.

1145
00:36:53,512 --> 00:36:55,162
I need you to just listen to me.

1146
00:36:55,162 --> 00:36:58,642
I don't need you to say
anything until wife comes back.

1147
00:36:58,642 --> 00:36:59,782
Right now we're best friends.

1148
00:37:00,052 --> 00:37:00,232
Yeah.

1149
00:37:00,232 --> 00:37:00,292
Yeah.

1150
00:37:00,292 --> 00:37:05,062
So, so I, you know, I have, I had
opportunities to cheat on this

1151
00:37:05,062 --> 00:37:09,892
woman's in, in the, the lifestyle that
we've been in for the past 15 years.

1152
00:37:09,892 --> 00:37:10,162
Absolutely.

1153
00:37:10,162 --> 00:37:11,782
I've had plenty.

1154
00:37:12,202 --> 00:37:12,382
And

1155
00:37:12,382 --> 00:37:13,192
home we came from

1156
00:37:13,492 --> 00:37:14,182
a, there's so many

1157
00:37:14,422 --> 00:37:15,367
city that, a little town that,

1158
00:37:15,682 --> 00:37:16,972
that, that celebrated.

1159
00:37:17,002 --> 00:37:17,092
Mm-hmm.

1160
00:37:17,122 --> 00:37:21,962
Cheating over ethical non-monogamy,
which is mind blowing in and of itself.

1161
00:37:21,962 --> 00:37:22,232
Yeah.

1162
00:37:22,502 --> 00:37:22,832
But.

1163
00:37:23,177 --> 00:37:26,927
Even, you know, throughout the years,
it's just like, do I have opportunities?

1164
00:37:26,927 --> 00:37:29,087
Can I, can I reach out to somebody?

1165
00:37:29,087 --> 00:37:32,867
There's a list of women I could easily
reach out to and be like, Hey, uh,

1166
00:37:32,867 --> 00:37:36,707
you know, let's keep this on the
down low, but let's, let's hang out.

1167
00:37:36,977 --> 00:37:37,457
You know what I mean?

1168
00:37:37,877 --> 00:37:38,237
Yeah.

1169
00:37:38,237 --> 00:37:42,407
You know, I like, I, I know that,
that I could easily make that happen.

1170
00:37:42,407 --> 00:37:42,602
Of course.

1171
00:37:43,127 --> 00:37:44,867
I couldn't live with it in my conscience.

1172
00:37:44,897 --> 00:37:45,017
No.

1173
00:37:45,017 --> 00:37:47,597
Like, I, I couldn't, you
know, you are my best friend.

1174
00:37:47,597 --> 00:37:47,657
Yeah.

1175
00:37:47,657 --> 00:37:48,317
I just can't,

1176
00:37:48,707 --> 00:37:50,027
and I'm super, keep

1177
00:37:50,027 --> 00:37:50,417
that in.

1178
00:37:50,507 --> 00:37:55,927
I'm super, like I, my gut was
him, but I'm also super intrusive.

1179
00:37:56,427 --> 00:37:56,487
Yeah.

1180
00:37:56,487 --> 00:37:56,712
So like,

1181
00:37:57,422 --> 00:37:58,287
yeah, you are.

1182
00:37:58,377 --> 00:38:01,227
I'm, I'm, I re I am when
I know something's off.

1183
00:38:01,422 --> 00:38:02,192
Lots of questions.

1184
00:38:02,822 --> 00:38:03,432
Lots of questions.

1185
00:38:03,437 --> 00:38:06,327
This man has, he is on social media a lot.

1186
00:38:06,327 --> 00:38:06,417
Like,

1187
00:38:06,417 --> 00:38:08,007
and she knows me, like the way I'm in the

1188
00:38:08,112 --> 00:38:08,352
podcast,

1189
00:38:08,692 --> 00:38:09,777
the way I'm on content.

1190
00:38:09,777 --> 00:38:10,017
He is,

1191
00:38:10,227 --> 00:38:11,577
people are like, can I ask you a question?

1192
00:38:11,577 --> 00:38:12,867
And I'm like, yeah, I'll
answer any question.

1193
00:38:12,867 --> 00:38:13,077
Yeah.

1194
00:38:13,077 --> 00:38:17,067
So he loves that, those
conversations and whatever, whatever.

1195
00:38:17,982 --> 00:38:19,407
I, I don't care anymore.

1196
00:38:19,407 --> 00:38:19,647
Like.

1197
00:38:20,247 --> 00:38:24,507
I used to be really like, Ooh, sneak
behind his back and even look at his

1198
00:38:24,507 --> 00:38:26,997
phone, get on his iPad, get on his mat.

1199
00:38:27,027 --> 00:38:30,887
Like every, I just don't, I don't care.

1200
00:38:30,977 --> 00:38:36,377
Like, I just, not that I don't care for
him, I just like, eh, women are women and

1201
00:38:36,377 --> 00:38:41,297
women are, we're sometimes we could be
as scummy as men, and it's just humans.

1202
00:38:42,047 --> 00:38:42,212
I think humans,

1203
00:38:42,212 --> 00:38:43,652
I don't have a mental capacity for think

1204
00:38:43,652 --> 00:38:43,732
humans.

1205
00:38:43,737 --> 00:38:45,647
Humans can be as scummy as humans.

1206
00:38:45,647 --> 00:38:47,837
I, I really don't wanna
put it on men or women.

1207
00:38:47,987 --> 00:38:48,167
Yeah.

1208
00:38:48,167 --> 00:38:51,707
I think both genders are
purely capable of this.

1209
00:38:51,797 --> 00:38:52,337
Oh, yeah.

1210
00:38:53,027 --> 00:38:58,187
You know, they say that women
emotionally mature faster than men.

1211
00:38:58,757 --> 00:38:59,507
Disagree.

1212
00:39:00,007 --> 00:39:04,207
I, I, I do think that it does happen, but
I don't think that it's always the case.

1213
00:39:04,517 --> 00:39:04,947
It's not always the case.

1214
00:39:04,947 --> 00:39:08,152
I've known a lot of women that
are slow to emotionally mature.

1215
00:39:08,302 --> 00:39:10,012
I know a lot of women that are slow to,

1216
00:39:10,512 --> 00:39:11,472
uh, as well as men.

1217
00:39:11,502 --> 00:39:11,562
Yeah.

1218
00:39:11,562 --> 00:39:13,092
You know, I I It's a human thing.

1219
00:39:13,092 --> 00:39:13,152
Yeah.

1220
00:39:13,572 --> 00:39:16,752
Uh, so we always wanna put one gender
above the other, but it's a human thing.

1221
00:39:16,752 --> 00:39:17,442
It's a human thing.

1222
00:39:17,472 --> 00:39:20,532
Um, women cheat just as much as men cheat.

1223
00:39:20,652 --> 00:39:20,832
Yeah.

1224
00:39:20,902 --> 00:39:27,112
And, and I think there are really great
solid people who don't wanna cheat.

1225
00:39:27,112 --> 00:39:28,702
They want things on the up and up.

1226
00:39:28,792 --> 00:39:28,852
Yeah.

1227
00:39:28,852 --> 00:39:30,442
They want things to be out in the open.

1228
00:39:30,872 --> 00:39:33,722
And it took me a long
time to realize that.

1229
00:39:33,722 --> 00:39:37,562
It took me a long time to subscribe
to that in theory, in, in, in

1230
00:39:37,562 --> 00:39:39,452
word, easily all day, every day.

1231
00:39:39,542 --> 00:39:39,662
Mm-hmm.

1232
00:39:40,232 --> 00:39:44,372
But it's those
uncomfortable conversations.

1233
00:39:44,432 --> 00:39:49,087
You know, the, the fear of conflict that.

1234
00:39:49,587 --> 00:39:52,527
That would prevent me from
being fully honest with you

1235
00:39:52,947 --> 00:39:54,897
or Or being fully transparent.

1236
00:39:54,927 --> 00:39:54,987
Yeah.

1237
00:39:54,987 --> 00:39:56,157
I didn't want that conflict.

1238
00:39:56,307 --> 00:39:58,797
We would come home and we would
have a great evening together.

1239
00:39:58,797 --> 00:40:00,177
I didn't wanna ruin it by saying,

1240
00:40:00,237 --> 00:40:00,477
Hey, of course.

1241
00:40:00,477 --> 00:40:01,767
Because you're gonna have, yeah.

1242
00:40:01,767 --> 00:40:04,047
You're gonna have a heavy conversation.

1243
00:40:04,347 --> 00:40:05,307
It's gonna get heated.

1244
00:40:05,457 --> 00:40:05,697
Yeah.

1245
00:40:05,727 --> 00:40:07,737
And you do not know the outcome.

1246
00:40:07,827 --> 00:40:08,097
No.

1247
00:40:08,127 --> 00:40:09,807
That's a scary road.

1248
00:40:09,807 --> 00:40:12,557
Like you just don't know the outcome.

1249
00:40:12,557 --> 00:40:13,877
Like what's gonna happen.

1250
00:40:14,057 --> 00:40:14,297
Yeah.

1251
00:40:14,797 --> 00:40:19,897
I mean, shit, we were poly and I
didn't know how to break it to you

1252
00:40:19,897 --> 00:40:24,577
that I didn't wanna be in that kind
of ethical monogamy relationship

1253
00:40:24,577 --> 00:40:25,722
because you were afraid
of how I would react.

1254
00:40:25,962 --> 00:40:27,127
'cause I was afraid of how I was.

1255
00:40:27,247 --> 00:40:27,997
He was gonna react.

1256
00:40:28,027 --> 00:40:29,737
I was ready for any reaction.

1257
00:40:29,767 --> 00:40:33,637
I did prepare myself
for a breakup or a fix.

1258
00:40:34,137 --> 00:40:34,917
We're here, still.

1259
00:40:34,917 --> 00:40:35,427
We're here.

1260
00:40:35,907 --> 00:40:39,027
And, and, but that's the thing
is you have to take a chance

1261
00:40:39,027 --> 00:40:39,987
on the person that you love.

1262
00:40:39,987 --> 00:40:43,977
You have to communicate that with, you
know, I, I think we both said this at

1263
00:40:43,977 --> 00:40:47,897
different moments whenever we've had
conflict, is you didn't talk to me.

1264
00:40:47,897 --> 00:40:47,957
Yeah.

1265
00:40:48,167 --> 00:40:51,497
Like you were afraid of how
I would react, but you didn't

1266
00:40:51,497 --> 00:40:52,877
even take that chance on me.

1267
00:40:52,877 --> 00:40:53,927
You just assumed

1268
00:40:53,987 --> 00:40:54,257
Yeah.

1269
00:40:54,317 --> 00:40:55,787
That this was how I would react.

1270
00:40:55,787 --> 00:40:59,087
And so we both had those thoughts
before and it's just, it can

1271
00:40:59,087 --> 00:41:01,157
be a little dangerous at times.

1272
00:41:01,157 --> 00:41:03,797
Take a chance on your spouse,
take a chance on your partner,

1273
00:41:03,797 --> 00:41:04,817
and just be open and honest.

1274
00:41:04,877 --> 00:41:08,747
You know, I think I've had people tell
me before, they're like, you know, I'm,

1275
00:41:09,527 --> 00:41:16,037
I'm really interested in being with
others, but we are not in the lifestyle.

1276
00:41:16,127 --> 00:41:17,627
My partner would not.

1277
00:41:18,002 --> 00:41:19,142
Approve of this.

1278
00:41:19,322 --> 00:41:19,442
Mm-hmm.

1279
00:41:19,712 --> 00:41:21,542
How do I even go about this?

1280
00:41:21,542 --> 00:41:21,632
Mm-hmm.

1281
00:41:21,742 --> 00:41:24,212
And it's like, so you haven't
discussed this with your partner.

1282
00:41:24,212 --> 00:41:26,522
This is something that you wanna do.

1283
00:41:26,522 --> 00:41:27,002
Mm-hmm.

1284
00:41:27,008 --> 00:41:29,372
But you haven't even discussed
this with your partner.

1285
00:41:29,852 --> 00:41:33,602
The first advice I would give
you is talk to your partner.

1286
00:41:33,662 --> 00:41:33,722
Yeah.

1287
00:41:33,992 --> 00:41:35,882
Tell them guess what, it's gonna hurt.

1288
00:41:36,182 --> 00:41:36,422
Yeah.

1289
00:41:36,542 --> 00:41:41,372
Nobody wants to hear that, Hey, my partner
of so many years or whatever, has decided

1290
00:41:41,372 --> 00:41:42,782
they wanna sleep with other people.

1291
00:41:42,992 --> 00:41:48,872
But there's normally reasons for it, and
it doesn't always revolve around you.

1292
00:41:49,592 --> 00:41:50,072
Yeah.

1293
00:41:50,072 --> 00:41:50,407
You know, it doesn't,

1294
00:41:50,642 --> 00:41:51,962
it doesn't always revolve around you.

1295
00:41:51,962 --> 00:41:56,372
So while it may hurt because you think
it revolves around you, the, the,

1296
00:41:56,372 --> 00:41:59,912
the true nitty gritty of it is that
there's a lot more to it than that.

1297
00:41:59,917 --> 00:42:00,007
Yeah.

1298
00:42:00,007 --> 00:42:03,602
And if you guys have the conversation,
you'll probably realize that.

1299
00:42:03,662 --> 00:42:03,932
Mm-hmm.

1300
00:42:04,172 --> 00:42:06,602
Uh, you know, if you want something
outside the relationship, the ethical

1301
00:42:06,602 --> 00:42:09,302
move is bringing it into the conversation.

1302
00:42:09,332 --> 00:42:09,422
Yes.

1303
00:42:09,422 --> 00:42:10,292
Not outside of it.

1304
00:42:10,532 --> 00:42:10,742
Mm-hmm.

1305
00:42:11,012 --> 00:42:12,812
Uh, and that's the, the, the big thing.

1306
00:42:13,022 --> 00:42:13,382
Yeah.

1307
00:42:13,442 --> 00:42:13,832
Now.

1308
00:42:14,332 --> 00:42:15,202
Jealousy.

1309
00:42:15,202 --> 00:42:16,222
You know, we've said it here.

1310
00:42:16,222 --> 00:42:18,262
I don't know how many times
Jealousy is not the villain.

1311
00:42:18,622 --> 00:42:21,292
No, I don't, I don't feel like
jealousy is the, is the bad guy.

1312
00:42:21,292 --> 00:42:24,107
I think that we, we hear it all the time
that, oh, you shouldn't feel jealous.

1313
00:42:24,107 --> 00:42:24,322
You shouldn't feel jealous.

1314
00:42:24,322 --> 00:42:24,502
You

1315
00:42:24,502 --> 00:42:25,492
shouldn't feel jealous.

1316
00:42:25,492 --> 00:42:26,722
You don't own him.

1317
00:42:26,782 --> 00:42:26,842
Yeah.

1318
00:42:26,842 --> 00:42:28,162
Or you don't own them.

1319
00:42:28,162 --> 00:42:30,502
Like you shouldn't, you shouldn't
feel like you, you know,

1320
00:42:30,502 --> 00:42:32,032
they're entitled to just you.

1321
00:42:32,152 --> 00:42:32,962
Excuse me.

1322
00:42:33,592 --> 00:42:35,182
It's a normal feeling.

1323
00:42:35,512 --> 00:42:36,832
Jealousy is a normal feeling.

1324
00:42:37,162 --> 00:42:39,172
I committed to this person.

1325
00:42:39,232 --> 00:42:41,182
This person is my person.

1326
00:42:41,682 --> 00:42:43,722
I'm gonna be jealous.

1327
00:42:43,722 --> 00:42:46,302
I am jealous of a lot of things.

1328
00:42:46,302 --> 00:42:48,942
And it's not only in the, and
it's not only in the lifestyle.

1329
00:42:48,942 --> 00:42:51,392
Like, and I'm jealous from
older other people, like my

1330
00:42:51,392 --> 00:42:52,532
kids, they can't do anything.

1331
00:42:52,532 --> 00:42:54,002
Some, you know, they do
something with another parent.

1332
00:42:54,002 --> 00:42:54,242
I'm like.

1333
00:42:54,662 --> 00:42:55,622
What about me?

1334
00:42:55,727 --> 00:42:56,017
Yeah.

1335
00:42:56,277 --> 00:42:58,412
You know, I'm, that's
just me and it's not a bad

1336
00:42:58,412 --> 00:42:58,562
thing.

1337
00:42:58,567 --> 00:42:59,057
It's a human thing.

1338
00:42:59,192 --> 00:43:01,982
I don't hardly ever get jealous, but
I do get jealous every now and then.

1339
00:43:02,077 --> 00:43:02,297
And

1340
00:43:02,297 --> 00:43:02,657
it happens.

1341
00:43:02,807 --> 00:43:03,097
Yeah.

1342
00:43:03,102 --> 00:43:04,082
And, and I tell you

1343
00:43:04,087 --> 00:43:04,257
Yeah.

1344
00:43:04,287 --> 00:43:07,442
Like we got together and I'm
like, look, I'm, I am jealous.

1345
00:43:07,442 --> 00:43:09,032
I can give you the respect.

1346
00:43:09,032 --> 00:43:11,912
I can give you the what's
that word I'm looking for?

1347
00:43:11,912 --> 00:43:13,982
Like the ground to do whatever you want.

1348
00:43:13,982 --> 00:43:14,597
As long as you're autonomy.

1349
00:43:14,912 --> 00:43:15,392
Autonomy.

1350
00:43:15,392 --> 00:43:19,592
As long as you're transparent
with me, we can, we can do this.

1351
00:43:19,922 --> 00:43:23,762
And I mean, he deals with
me and I deal with him.

1352
00:43:24,362 --> 00:43:26,447
You know, I, I, my thing is
we're happy, we're happy.

1353
00:43:27,392 --> 00:43:28,142
Jealousy.

1354
00:43:28,142 --> 00:43:30,392
I, I, I'm okay with your jealousy.

1355
00:43:30,392 --> 00:43:31,562
I've learned how to maneuver it.

1356
00:43:31,772 --> 00:43:32,042
Yeah.

1357
00:43:32,042 --> 00:43:36,842
I've learned how to work around it,
and we've learned to kind of get

1358
00:43:36,842 --> 00:43:40,112
down to the nitty gritty of what it
ex, you know, what is causing that

1359
00:43:40,112 --> 00:43:42,872
jealousy and, and we can work past it.

1360
00:43:43,442 --> 00:43:48,702
I think a lot of younger folks who are
just experiencing jealousy, and especially

1361
00:43:48,702 --> 00:43:50,292
in this situation that we had come up.

1362
00:43:50,792 --> 00:43:53,222
He has jealousies because of insecurities.

1363
00:43:53,222 --> 00:43:53,312
Mm-hmm.

1364
00:43:53,912 --> 00:43:57,602
Uh, you know, he has insecurities because
of childhood trauma and things like that.

1365
00:43:57,602 --> 00:43:57,902
Mm-hmm.

1366
00:43:58,087 --> 00:44:03,162
So he's got a lot of work on
himself to work on that he needs

1367
00:44:03,162 --> 00:44:05,112
to figure out these insecurities.

1368
00:44:05,352 --> 00:44:07,692
But it was those insecurities
that got him to cheat.

1369
00:44:07,722 --> 00:44:07,812
Mm-hmm.

1370
00:44:08,412 --> 00:44:10,992
And it was also those
insecurities that provide the

1371
00:44:10,992 --> 00:44:13,422
jealousy that help prevent him.

1372
00:44:13,427 --> 00:44:13,687
Mm-hmm.

1373
00:44:13,767 --> 00:44:15,702
From exploring an open relationship.

1374
00:44:15,852 --> 00:44:16,572
Mm-hmm.

1375
00:44:16,812 --> 00:44:20,112
His, his girlfriend is bisexual
and is totally okay with

1376
00:44:20,382 --> 00:44:21,702
hanging out with other girls.

1377
00:44:21,702 --> 00:44:24,102
That's, that's something that
she wouldn't mind exploring.

1378
00:44:24,612 --> 00:44:28,392
And she's okay with him exploring
other women as well, as long as

1379
00:44:28,392 --> 00:44:30,552
their relationship is the priority.

1380
00:44:30,582 --> 00:44:30,702
Mm-hmm.

1381
00:44:31,012 --> 00:44:33,772
And he doesn't know exactly
how he could handle that.

1382
00:44:33,772 --> 00:44:36,472
He's, he's afraid of his
partner having full autonomy.

1383
00:44:37,282 --> 00:44:37,462
He

1384
00:44:37,462 --> 00:44:38,267
doesn't, was afraid that that.

1385
00:44:38,917 --> 00:44:41,167
They're gonna leave us
for something better.

1386
00:44:41,287 --> 00:44:45,547
You know, he doesn't have control over
what she does if she's doing that.

1387
00:44:45,547 --> 00:44:45,637
Mm-hmm.

1388
00:44:45,732 --> 00:44:48,457
And, and I know that we've
had that conversation before.

1389
00:44:48,517 --> 00:44:48,607
Oh yeah.

1390
00:44:48,607 --> 00:44:51,187
Because you've, you've mentioned
it's like, well, I don't really care

1391
00:44:51,187 --> 00:44:52,567
for you going out on separate dates.

1392
00:44:52,567 --> 00:44:53,077
Well, why not?

1393
00:44:53,107 --> 00:44:56,317
Well, it's because, well, if I'm not
there, I can't control what happens.

1394
00:44:56,317 --> 00:44:56,327
Mm-hmm.

1395
00:44:56,437 --> 00:45:00,217
And it's like, well, even if you're there,
I don't want you to control what happens.

1396
00:45:00,307 --> 00:45:00,367
Yeah.

1397
00:45:00,487 --> 00:45:02,077
Because this is my thing.

1398
00:45:02,077 --> 00:45:02,137
Yeah.

1399
00:45:02,137 --> 00:45:04,717
I'm an adult, you know, you shouldn't
have to worry about controlling.

1400
00:45:04,747 --> 00:45:06,427
But again, that just comes down to

1401
00:45:06,547 --> 00:45:07,117
insecurities.

1402
00:45:07,117 --> 00:45:07,897
Insecurities, yeah.

1403
00:45:07,957 --> 00:45:10,087
And being mature enough to understand it.

1404
00:45:10,087 --> 00:45:10,267
Like,

1405
00:45:10,272 --> 00:45:10,452
oh

1406
00:45:11,407 --> 00:45:16,112
guys, it took me forever to realize
that he's not going anywhere.

1407
00:45:16,352 --> 00:45:22,892
And that I, so it took me a lot to realize
that I am worth somebody sticking around.

1408
00:45:23,462 --> 00:45:29,042
So when I realized my worth,
it made it easier because

1409
00:45:29,042 --> 00:45:32,282
I'm like, I am a good woman.

1410
00:45:32,312 --> 00:45:34,562
I am a very wonderful wife.

1411
00:45:34,592 --> 00:45:37,292
I know I am, and I'm a great mother.

1412
00:45:37,712 --> 00:45:44,252
So he's not going to leave me for
somebody else because I give him

1413
00:45:44,312 --> 00:45:47,012
everything that he wants and he
gives me everything that I want.

1414
00:45:47,792 --> 00:45:48,962
What's gonna be better?

1415
00:45:48,992 --> 00:45:50,642
We're pretty much, we're we're satisfied

1416
00:45:50,642 --> 00:45:53,492
here that yeah, sex, sex is not
gonna be better with anybody else

1417
00:45:53,492 --> 00:45:54,992
because we have a connection.

1418
00:45:54,992 --> 00:45:55,002
Like,

1419
00:45:55,002 --> 00:45:55,892
and we know each other.

1420
00:45:55,892 --> 00:45:56,462
100%.

1421
00:45:56,462 --> 00:45:56,642
Yeah.

1422
00:45:56,702 --> 00:45:58,952
It might be different,
and different is good, but

1423
00:45:59,102 --> 00:46:00,032
different is fun.

1424
00:46:00,032 --> 00:46:03,332
But it's, it, it's not gonna make,
you know, what we already have.

1425
00:46:04,172 --> 00:46:06,122
So it, it does take a
lot to get to that point.

1426
00:46:06,122 --> 00:46:06,632
It is,

1427
00:46:06,632 --> 00:46:07,922
you know, and understand it.

1428
00:46:08,282 --> 00:46:11,732
I, what I don't like is the emotional
double standards of it, you know?

1429
00:46:11,882 --> 00:46:12,002
Yeah.

1430
00:46:12,152 --> 00:46:14,372
This I see in the lifestyle often.

1431
00:46:14,552 --> 00:46:14,672
Yeah.

1432
00:46:14,702 --> 00:46:19,022
Where people go, well, I don't mind
doing it, but I don't want them to do it.

1433
00:46:19,027 --> 00:46:19,147
Yeah.

1434
00:46:19,352 --> 00:46:20,162
You know what I'm saying?

1435
00:46:20,252 --> 00:46:20,402
It's

1436
00:46:20,427 --> 00:46:21,107
really a turn.

1437
00:46:21,107 --> 00:46:23,132
I don't mind fooling around
with others, but I can't

1438
00:46:23,132 --> 00:46:24,662
handle the idea of them fooling

1439
00:46:24,662 --> 00:46:24,752
around.

1440
00:46:24,752 --> 00:46:25,472
Oh my gosh.

1441
00:46:25,472 --> 00:46:26,397
Or I, I, yeah.

1442
00:46:27,287 --> 00:46:30,017
I just want you to watch you,
you can't be with anybody else.

1443
00:46:30,167 --> 00:46:30,437
It's like,

1444
00:46:30,437 --> 00:46:32,657
and it's very controlling
and it all revolves around

1445
00:46:32,657 --> 00:46:34,277
insecurities and I don't care how,

1446
00:46:34,337 --> 00:46:34,547
yeah.

1447
00:46:34,697 --> 00:46:35,927
Other people slice it.

1448
00:46:35,932 --> 00:46:36,182
Mm-hmm.

1449
00:46:36,482 --> 00:46:38,022
It always revolves around mm-hmm.

1450
00:46:38,107 --> 00:46:38,747
Insecurities.

1451
00:46:38,747 --> 00:46:39,347
Mm-hmm.

1452
00:46:39,353 --> 00:46:41,177
Hate say it now, you know?

1453
00:46:41,177 --> 00:46:41,597
I know.

1454
00:46:41,597 --> 00:46:44,147
Social media definitely
makes it easier to cheat.

1455
00:46:44,207 --> 00:46:45,947
Yeah, definitely Makes it faster to cheat.

1456
00:46:46,067 --> 00:46:46,187
Yeah.

1457
00:46:46,187 --> 00:46:50,787
Not only that, but social media has
made the outreach outside of our own

1458
00:46:50,787 --> 00:46:55,107
little town to where you can cheat
now nationally and even globally.

1459
00:46:55,172 --> 00:46:55,452
I know,

1460
00:46:56,007 --> 00:46:57,867
I wanna, I wanna, I want.

1461
00:46:58,497 --> 00:46:59,877
Girlfriends all over.

1462
00:47:00,237 --> 00:47:00,717
That's funny.

1463
00:47:00,717 --> 00:47:01,677
You told me that last night.

1464
00:47:01,677 --> 00:47:02,127
You were like,

1465
00:47:02,172 --> 00:47:03,687
like, I want 'em all over.

1466
00:47:03,687 --> 00:47:05,277
They can just fly me wherever they're at.

1467
00:47:05,517 --> 00:47:09,297
I know, I always say that I wouldn't
really date anybody, but I would totally

1468
00:47:09,297 --> 00:47:11,007
date somebody that lived out of state.

1469
00:47:11,007 --> 00:47:12,057
And he's like, that's

1470
00:47:12,057 --> 00:47:12,542
not dating.

1471
00:47:12,542 --> 00:47:14,277
And I was like, but that,
but when would you see them?

1472
00:47:14,277 --> 00:47:16,677
And she's like, well, that's the thing
is I wouldn't really see them very

1473
00:47:16,857 --> 00:47:17,007
often.

1474
00:47:17,037 --> 00:47:17,097
Yeah.

1475
00:47:17,097 --> 00:47:17,967
They, whenever they come into

1476
00:47:17,967 --> 00:47:19,707
town, and I'd say, well,
when would you talk to them?

1477
00:47:19,737 --> 00:47:22,317
You'd be like, well, I'd have a
message every now and then, but I

1478
00:47:22,317 --> 00:47:23,547
wouldn't wanna talk to them every day.

1479
00:47:23,667 --> 00:47:25,647
And I said, you realize you do
that with your friends right

1480
00:47:25,647 --> 00:47:27,207
now who live out of town.

1481
00:47:27,207 --> 00:47:31,167
Like, and, and that's not dating,
that's just, you have long distance

1482
00:47:31,167 --> 00:47:32,847
friends that we see on occasion.

1483
00:47:32,877 --> 00:47:34,342
I want long, I want more long distance.

1484
00:47:34,342 --> 00:47:34,502
That,

1485
00:47:34,507 --> 00:47:35,787
that's not really dating though.

1486
00:47:36,397 --> 00:47:38,827
You know, social media does
make it easier to cheat though.

1487
00:47:38,827 --> 00:47:38,917
Yes.

1488
00:47:38,922 --> 00:47:42,127
And, and you, you do have a, a, a
bigger outreach and I think that's

1489
00:47:42,127 --> 00:47:43,717
what the situation was here as well.

1490
00:47:43,967 --> 00:47:47,117
Because when I asked him, I
was like, was it anybody local?

1491
00:47:47,117 --> 00:47:48,107
And he was like, no, like.

1492
00:47:48,737 --> 00:47:52,457
The closest was over three hours
away, and I, I would never go there.

1493
00:47:52,457 --> 00:47:55,347
And this and that all
of them were not local.

1494
00:47:55,377 --> 00:47:55,437
Yeah.

1495
00:47:55,437 --> 00:47:58,527
You know, because it, to
him, it felt justified.

1496
00:47:58,557 --> 00:47:58,647
Mm-hmm.

1497
00:47:59,187 --> 00:48:01,737
It felt okay at the fact that
they weren't nearby because

1498
00:48:01,737 --> 00:48:02,967
he wasn't physically cheating.

1499
00:48:03,447 --> 00:48:06,327
He was having an emotional
relationship with these people.

1500
00:48:06,327 --> 00:48:09,657
He was having a, a, an online sexual
relationship with these people,

1501
00:48:09,657 --> 00:48:12,087
but it wasn't actually real to him.

1502
00:48:12,092 --> 00:48:12,302
Mm-hmm.

1503
00:48:12,447 --> 00:48:17,217
It was, it, it, it was likened
to having a conversation with ai.

1504
00:48:17,577 --> 00:48:20,577
And AI is, is sweet talking
you and telling you all the

1505
00:48:20,577 --> 00:48:21,207
things you want to hear.

1506
00:48:21,207 --> 00:48:21,297
Mm-hmm.

1507
00:48:21,537 --> 00:48:21,982
Well, is that cheating?

1508
00:48:22,622 --> 00:48:23,412
I don't know.

1509
00:48:24,357 --> 00:48:25,767
That's, that's a really good question.

1510
00:48:25,767 --> 00:48:30,087
It depends on what your situation is that
you have agreed upon with your partner.

1511
00:48:30,327 --> 00:48:32,217
You know, you just mentioned something,

1512
00:48:32,327 --> 00:48:33,497
And I just heard a story.

1513
00:48:33,497 --> 00:48:33,527
Oh.

1514
00:48:34,247 --> 00:48:37,157
There's this girl who has a relationship.

1515
00:48:37,217 --> 00:48:38,477
She's with her boyfriend.

1516
00:48:38,477 --> 00:48:40,217
She has a boyfriend,
a real life boyfriend,

1517
00:48:40,547 --> 00:48:40,667
a

1518
00:48:40,667 --> 00:48:41,057
real life.

1519
00:48:41,172 --> 00:48:41,792
But she cheats.

1520
00:48:41,807 --> 00:48:44,987
She is in a life, in an open relationship.

1521
00:48:45,487 --> 00:48:47,407
The guy that she's talking to is ai.

1522
00:48:48,367 --> 00:48:48,787
Really?

1523
00:48:48,877 --> 00:48:49,567
Johnny?

1524
00:48:49,897 --> 00:48:51,217
She named him Johnny.

1525
00:48:51,277 --> 00:48:51,697
Huh.

1526
00:48:52,087 --> 00:48:56,827
And that's her emotional
relationship online.

1527
00:48:57,037 --> 00:48:59,647
You know, a lot of people do it,
especially people who have a DH adhd.

1528
00:48:59,647 --> 00:49:04,147
I read an article the other day
that a lot of a DH Ds turn to chat

1529
00:49:04,147 --> 00:49:09,997
GPT to have conversations with,
to make them feel justified on

1530
00:49:09,997 --> 00:49:11,677
certain actions that they're doing.

1531
00:49:11,677 --> 00:49:14,427
It's almost like a little
boost of, you know how

1532
00:49:14,427 --> 00:49:16,977
funny, I do not like
talking to my chatty GI

1533
00:49:16,977 --> 00:49:17,997
know a lot of people who do it.

1534
00:49:18,147 --> 00:49:19,827
Like I can't have a long conversation.

1535
00:49:19,827 --> 00:49:19,947
That's

1536
00:49:19,947 --> 00:49:20,067
funny.

1537
00:49:20,067 --> 00:49:22,677
I know a lot of people who do it
and, you know, that's, that's really.

1538
00:49:23,652 --> 00:49:27,012
You know, these, these online
relationships and even, hey,

1539
00:49:27,012 --> 00:49:31,782
talking to chat GBT, whatever it,
it's considered, it has a name.

1540
00:49:31,782 --> 00:49:32,982
It's considered micro cheating.

1541
00:49:32,982 --> 00:49:33,012
Oh.

1542
00:49:33,432 --> 00:49:35,502
Um, you know, it, it, it's still cheating.

1543
00:49:35,502 --> 00:49:35,832
Yeah.

1544
00:49:35,832 --> 00:49:39,552
You're not physically with them, but
there's an emotional aspect to it.

1545
00:49:39,792 --> 00:49:43,362
There is, is is something going
on that you don't feel open to

1546
00:49:43,362 --> 00:49:44,772
talking to your partner about?

1547
00:49:45,462 --> 00:49:46,152
That's cheating.

1548
00:49:46,212 --> 00:49:46,392
Mm-hmm.

1549
00:49:46,722 --> 00:49:47,592
And it's unethical.

1550
00:49:47,592 --> 00:49:47,652
Yeah.

1551
00:49:47,952 --> 00:49:51,762
Now, you know, obviously social media,
you know, it can provide addiction.

1552
00:49:51,762 --> 00:49:53,352
People get addicted to social media.

1553
00:49:53,352 --> 00:49:53,712
Oh man.

1554
00:49:53,712 --> 00:49:54,012
That's

1555
00:49:54,337 --> 00:49:54,457
honestly

1556
00:49:54,457 --> 00:49:55,617
instant gratification.

1557
00:49:56,562 --> 00:49:58,002
I don't like social media.

1558
00:49:58,002 --> 00:49:58,992
I will be very honest.

1559
00:49:58,992 --> 00:50:00,522
I only have them for the podcast.

1560
00:50:00,522 --> 00:50:04,122
If I didn't have this podcast,
I would get rid of it all.

1561
00:50:04,157 --> 00:50:05,537
You, you didn't have it for a while.

1562
00:50:05,742 --> 00:50:06,372
I didn't have it.

1563
00:50:06,372 --> 00:50:10,122
I got rid of it for several years because
I, it was just a, it's a toxic place.

1564
00:50:10,127 --> 00:50:10,537
It's consuming.

1565
00:50:10,557 --> 00:50:11,497
It is very consuming.

1566
00:50:11,767 --> 00:50:12,457
It's consuming.

1567
00:50:12,732 --> 00:50:12,942
Yes.

1568
00:50:12,942 --> 00:50:13,752
As to that dopamine.

1569
00:50:14,112 --> 00:50:14,382
Yeah.

1570
00:50:14,502 --> 00:50:14,772
Yeah.

1571
00:50:14,832 --> 00:50:15,162
Really.

1572
00:50:15,252 --> 00:50:17,232
I mean, you, you get those likes.

1573
00:50:17,232 --> 00:50:21,162
And especially for someone like
me who really, really is dying.

1574
00:50:21,312 --> 00:50:22,602
We were just talking about this.

1575
00:50:22,602 --> 00:50:26,052
We're like, man, really fluff your ego.

1576
00:50:26,052 --> 00:50:28,572
And he is like, I'm
talking to my best friend.

1577
00:50:29,072 --> 00:50:32,492
It's nice to know that all of our
conversations are aired out to the public.

1578
00:50:32,762 --> 00:50:33,242
And I'm like,

1579
00:50:33,242 --> 00:50:33,722
there you go.

1580
00:50:34,082 --> 00:50:34,562
You know?

1581
00:50:34,562 --> 00:50:35,702
It's, yeah.

1582
00:50:36,182 --> 00:50:39,737
First off, guys, let's,
let's hash this out.

1583
00:50:40,067 --> 00:50:40,672
So, yeah.

1584
00:50:41,657 --> 00:50:46,667
I don't feel that it fluffs up
my ego, but I will say that I do.

1585
00:50:46,667 --> 00:50:48,502
I like I like when I get Ls.

1586
00:50:49,002 --> 00:50:49,842
I like when I get, we

1587
00:50:49,842 --> 00:50:50,687
like those numbers growing.

1588
00:50:50,687 --> 00:50:50,837
Please

1589
00:50:51,042 --> 00:50:51,602
leave a review.

1590
00:50:52,182 --> 00:50:52,762
That's right.

1591
00:50:53,262 --> 00:50:54,027
Please leave a

1592
00:50:54,027 --> 00:50:54,747
review, people.

1593
00:50:54,747 --> 00:50:54,867
That's

1594
00:50:54,867 --> 00:50:55,137
right.

1595
00:50:55,137 --> 00:50:55,977
Help my dopamine.

1596
00:50:55,977 --> 00:50:56,997
Yes, that's right.

1597
00:50:57,247 --> 00:51:01,627
Donate to my dopamine by liking
and sharing and subscribing and

1598
00:51:02,047 --> 00:51:04,177
commenting and doing all that
good stuff because it's a lot of

1599
00:51:04,207 --> 00:51:04,597
Yes.

1600
00:51:05,017 --> 00:51:05,827
Um, you know, but

1601
00:51:06,187 --> 00:51:08,797
social, you can do that for me too, but
go to my spicy pages for that piece.

1602
00:51:09,297 --> 00:51:12,177
Social media really, really
provides that dopamine.

1603
00:51:12,177 --> 00:51:12,327
Yeah.

1604
00:51:12,327 --> 00:51:14,427
And that's why people
really get addicted to it.

1605
00:51:14,427 --> 00:51:18,057
I know people that literally will
walk while scrolling on their phone,

1606
00:51:18,087 --> 00:51:19,317
not seeing where they're going.

1607
00:51:19,627 --> 00:51:25,087
And so it provides a lot of things
that you cannot get in real life.

1608
00:51:25,387 --> 00:51:28,447
And that's why cheating is
just so much easier when you're

1609
00:51:28,447 --> 00:51:29,887
involved on social media.

1610
00:51:29,917 --> 00:51:30,007
Mm-hmm.

1611
00:51:30,247 --> 00:51:33,107
When people tell me that there was
cheating involved, I usually will bring

1612
00:51:33,107 --> 00:51:34,247
up social media because it's like.

1613
00:51:34,937 --> 00:51:38,597
Is this the thing, uh, when we were
younger, cheating took actual effort.

1614
00:51:39,047 --> 00:51:40,247
You know, I'm telling you, it was hard

1615
00:51:40,247 --> 00:51:40,577
for me to

1616
00:51:40,577 --> 00:51:41,627
keep all these boyfriends.

1617
00:51:41,627 --> 00:51:41,837
Yeah.

1618
00:51:41,837 --> 00:51:43,577
You know, you had a, a landline.

1619
00:51:43,937 --> 00:51:44,777
I had a beeper.

1620
00:51:45,377 --> 00:51:48,167
I had a beeper and, you know, and

1621
00:51:48,257 --> 00:51:49,427
I had two landlines

1622
00:51:49,427 --> 00:51:49,667
there.

1623
00:51:49,667 --> 00:51:52,547
You know, you, you couldn't,
you couldn't cheat.

1624
00:51:52,787 --> 00:51:52,967
Yeah.

1625
00:51:52,997 --> 00:51:56,537
Uh, as easily, actually you could
cheat pretty easily back then.

1626
00:51:56,542 --> 00:51:58,307
It, it was easier to
keep it on the down low.

1627
00:51:58,312 --> 00:51:58,512
Yeah.

1628
00:51:58,632 --> 00:51:59,072
I would always get

1629
00:51:59,072 --> 00:52:01,752
caught than it's now everybody
takes screenshots now.

1630
00:52:01,752 --> 00:52:07,227
Every now you gotta wonder if you
say something to someone, is it

1631
00:52:07,227 --> 00:52:09,057
going to get screenshotted instead?

1632
00:52:09,747 --> 00:52:11,517
Like, I see women threaten
that all the time.

1633
00:52:11,517 --> 00:52:14,337
Not to me, but like, they come out
and they're like, oh, so and so

1634
00:52:14,337 --> 00:52:16,767
messaged me this and I screenshotted
it and sent it to their wife.

1635
00:52:16,767 --> 00:52:20,007
And you also have, I mean, I think
cheating is easier, especially

1636
00:52:20,007 --> 00:52:23,487
now because you have Snapchat
people, if you're on Snapchat.

1637
00:52:24,102 --> 00:52:26,022
You are on the dl.

1638
00:52:26,022 --> 00:52:27,647
Just so you know, I hate Snapchat.

1639
00:52:27,947 --> 00:52:29,952
I'm just saying, and those messages hate.

1640
00:52:30,042 --> 00:52:31,632
You could put it to disappear, like,

1641
00:52:31,632 --> 00:52:33,702
because it makes me feel old.

1642
00:52:33,702 --> 00:52:33,762
Yeah.

1643
00:52:33,852 --> 00:52:36,972
Because the messages disappear
and then all of a sudden they

1644
00:52:36,972 --> 00:52:39,042
messaged me the next day and I'm
like, what were we talking about?

1645
00:52:39,042 --> 00:52:39,102
Yeah.

1646
00:52:39,702 --> 00:52:40,272
What did I say?

1647
00:52:40,272 --> 00:52:40,647
What did I get to?

1648
00:52:40,767 --> 00:52:42,282
I told him, I'm like, you can save 'em.

1649
00:52:42,282 --> 00:52:44,087
And he is like, yeah, I don't want to, I

1650
00:52:44,087 --> 00:52:44,287
don't

1651
00:52:44,287 --> 00:52:44,967
feel like dealing with that.

1652
00:52:45,447 --> 00:52:47,802
I feel like dealing with that
because there's no conversations

1653
00:52:47,802 --> 00:52:51,402
that I have on Snapchat that are
actually in depth conversations.

1654
00:52:51,672 --> 00:52:55,092
If it's an important conversation,
I I, if they don't already have

1655
00:52:55,092 --> 00:52:57,492
my number, I'll give em my number
and be like, Hey, text me because

1656
00:52:57,492 --> 00:52:59,202
I can't deal with this, this dk.

1657
00:52:59,202 --> 00:52:59,292
But

1658
00:52:59,967 --> 00:53:00,267
it's, it's easier.

1659
00:53:00,767 --> 00:53:01,642
It's easier now.

1660
00:53:01,642 --> 00:53:04,012
You just got three taps in
a DM and bam, you're there.

1661
00:53:04,402 --> 00:53:04,852
That's it.

1662
00:53:04,852 --> 00:53:04,872
That's it.

1663
00:53:04,872 --> 00:53:06,022
You can send pictures, just

1664
00:53:06,027 --> 00:53:06,217
have sex

1665
00:53:06,382 --> 00:53:07,942
and you don't have to
worry about those pic.

1666
00:53:08,452 --> 00:53:11,002
Snapchat will tell you when
somebody screenshot your shit.

1667
00:53:11,002 --> 00:53:13,582
So, yeah, I think every,
everything should have that.

1668
00:53:14,512 --> 00:53:16,582
You know, I will say that
that is a pretty smart thing.

1669
00:53:16,582 --> 00:53:16,642
Yeah.

1670
00:53:17,012 --> 00:53:17,582
That they did.

1671
00:53:17,672 --> 00:53:17,972
Yeah.

1672
00:53:18,152 --> 00:53:21,332
Uh, ethical relationships
are 100% about honesty.

1673
00:53:21,332 --> 00:53:22,207
I can't say that enough.

1674
00:53:22,207 --> 00:53:22,447
Mm-hmm.

1675
00:53:22,527 --> 00:53:24,512
It's about open communication and honesty.

1676
00:53:24,692 --> 00:53:27,452
I know we say it on every single show.

1677
00:53:27,572 --> 00:53:27,662
Yes.

1678
00:53:27,662 --> 00:53:30,752
But ethics isn't about how many
people you love, it's about how honest

1679
00:53:30,752 --> 00:53:32,342
you are with the people you love.

1680
00:53:32,792 --> 00:53:35,822
We tend to hurt the people that we
love, and I don't know why we do it.

1681
00:53:36,272 --> 00:53:40,352
We treat people who are strangers better
oftentimes than the people that we love.

1682
00:53:40,357 --> 00:53:40,527
Mm-hmm.

1683
00:53:40,682 --> 00:53:44,192
I don't know why we do it, because
maybe there's a sense of security

1684
00:53:44,192 --> 00:53:47,492
that these, these people who
love us are never gonna leave us.

1685
00:53:47,822 --> 00:53:48,002
Yeah.

1686
00:53:48,002 --> 00:53:51,722
And we can go do whatever the hell
we want and they'll always be there.

1687
00:53:51,722 --> 00:53:52,202
Guess what?

1688
00:53:52,262 --> 00:53:55,892
They may not always be there if
you don't treasure what you have.

1689
00:53:56,072 --> 00:53:56,312
Yes.

1690
00:53:56,582 --> 00:54:00,612
So you know, as we, as we come to a wrap.

1691
00:54:01,112 --> 00:54:04,022
Emotional maturity is
definitely required mm-hmm.

1692
00:54:04,022 --> 00:54:05,342
For this lifestyle.

1693
00:54:05,702 --> 00:54:08,282
Uh, but it's not even just this lifestyle.

1694
00:54:08,402 --> 00:54:08,462
No.

1695
00:54:08,792 --> 00:54:10,322
It's relationships, guys.

1696
00:54:10,327 --> 00:54:10,447
Mm-hmm.

1697
00:54:10,637 --> 00:54:11,527
It's relationships.

1698
00:54:11,587 --> 00:54:12,007
Mm-hmm.

1699
00:54:12,092 --> 00:54:15,212
It's any relationship
monogamous or non monogamous.

1700
00:54:15,392 --> 00:54:18,512
If you're gonna share a relationship with
somebody, if you're gonna bring 'em into

1701
00:54:18,512 --> 00:54:22,742
your life and say, you is mine, that's it.

1702
00:54:22,922 --> 00:54:23,792
I'm is yours.

1703
00:54:24,242 --> 00:54:24,842
You know what I mean?

1704
00:54:25,052 --> 00:54:28,562
If you, if you're going to try and put
a label on it, if you're gonna have this

1705
00:54:28,562 --> 00:54:33,332
connection with somebody that's solid and
involves trust, it should involve honesty.

1706
00:54:33,422 --> 00:54:33,632
Yeah.

1707
00:54:33,872 --> 00:54:36,722
And it should involve full communication.

1708
00:54:36,752 --> 00:54:37,112
Yes.

1709
00:54:37,112 --> 00:54:37,412
And

1710
00:54:37,412 --> 00:54:40,412
get those communication skills,
guys, because you need to have,

1711
00:54:40,502 --> 00:54:43,412
you need to be able to have those
uncomfortable conversations.

1712
00:54:43,412 --> 00:54:43,892
Yes.

1713
00:54:43,892 --> 00:54:44,727
Learn and, and, and.

1714
00:54:45,227 --> 00:54:47,867
Communication will help
you manage your jealousies.

1715
00:54:48,047 --> 00:54:48,197
Yes.

1716
00:54:48,197 --> 00:54:49,637
You're 100% honest.

1717
00:54:49,877 --> 00:54:52,757
You can have this second person
and you two can talk it out and

1718
00:54:52,757 --> 00:54:54,677
figure out why you feel this way.

1719
00:54:54,737 --> 00:54:54,887
Mm-hmm.

1720
00:54:55,127 --> 00:54:59,057
And how things can get better
because things have to get better.

1721
00:54:59,057 --> 00:54:59,147
Mm-hmm.

1722
00:54:59,687 --> 00:55:01,877
You gotta own those
uncomfortable conversations.

1723
00:55:01,907 --> 00:55:02,627
It sucks.

1724
00:55:02,837 --> 00:55:04,247
I don't like hurting your feelings.

1725
00:55:04,247 --> 00:55:04,307
Yeah.

1726
00:55:04,637 --> 00:55:07,727
I don't like saying things
and seeing your face change.

1727
00:55:07,787 --> 00:55:07,877
Mm-hmm.

1728
00:55:08,117 --> 00:55:10,547
And, and I'm like, damnit,
I just hurt her feelings.

1729
00:55:10,757 --> 00:55:15,167
But I would much rather hurt your feelings
than hold something from you for years.

1730
00:55:15,197 --> 00:55:15,287
Mm-hmm.

1731
00:55:15,407 --> 00:55:18,587
Have you find it later
and see your reaction.

1732
00:55:18,587 --> 00:55:18,647
Yeah.

1733
00:55:19,007 --> 00:55:19,367
Then.

1734
00:55:19,637 --> 00:55:20,657
And accountability.

1735
00:55:20,657 --> 00:55:20,747
It's

1736
00:55:20,747 --> 00:55:21,167
hard.

1737
00:55:21,287 --> 00:55:22,787
Take your accountability, guys.

1738
00:55:22,787 --> 00:55:22,997
Like

1739
00:55:23,537 --> 00:55:24,047
accountability.

1740
00:55:24,257 --> 00:55:24,527
Grow up.

1741
00:55:24,647 --> 00:55:25,427
You fucked up.

1742
00:55:25,667 --> 00:55:26,177
Own it.

1743
00:55:26,417 --> 00:55:26,867
Own it,

1744
00:55:26,987 --> 00:55:27,407
own it.

1745
00:55:27,497 --> 00:55:28,547
And that's what I told this guy.

1746
00:55:28,547 --> 00:55:30,797
I was like, you know
what, you fucked up man.

1747
00:55:31,307 --> 00:55:32,927
It's what it's now.

1748
00:55:32,927 --> 00:55:33,827
You gotta own it.

1749
00:55:33,887 --> 00:55:34,367
Fix it

1750
00:55:34,367 --> 00:55:35,087
and fix it.

1751
00:55:35,092 --> 00:55:35,332
Mm-hmm.

1752
00:55:35,657 --> 00:55:37,157
And never let it happen again.

1753
00:55:37,157 --> 00:55:38,327
And that's what it comes down to.

1754
00:55:38,827 --> 00:55:42,247
And, and this is why people always, all
the time who don't know this lifestyle,

1755
00:55:42,247 --> 00:55:45,907
they start saying, well, aren't you
afraid that Cheating's gonna happen?

1756
00:55:45,907 --> 00:55:49,447
Well, you know what, if I had
that fear, I'd have it even

1757
00:55:49,447 --> 00:55:51,037
more if we were monogamous.

1758
00:55:51,042 --> 00:55:51,212
Mm-hmm.

1759
00:55:51,727 --> 00:55:52,387
You know what I'm saying?

1760
00:55:52,402 --> 00:55:52,892
Happens.

1761
00:55:52,892 --> 00:55:55,837
You don't graduate into non-monogamy
just because you're curious.

1762
00:55:55,837 --> 00:55:57,697
You grow into it, you communication

1763
00:55:57,817 --> 00:55:58,537
Absolutely.

1764
00:55:59,377 --> 00:55:59,947
Like that.

1765
00:56:00,447 --> 00:56:01,887
We, as we wrap

1766
00:56:01,947 --> 00:56:02,427
Yeah.

1767
00:56:02,517 --> 00:56:09,287
The, what happened, it involved our
kids, uh, and, and from a parenting

1768
00:56:09,287 --> 00:56:14,517
angle because I had somebody reach out
to me yesterday and they're like, look,

1769
00:56:14,517 --> 00:56:19,317
you know, um, I've been talking to my
kid, you know, me and my husband are are

1770
00:56:19,317 --> 00:56:21,807
in, in this open, you know, we're open.

1771
00:56:22,287 --> 00:56:22,527
Mm-hmm.

1772
00:56:22,533 --> 00:56:23,757
It's ethically non-monogamous.

1773
00:56:24,217 --> 00:56:28,237
My daughter, she's bisexual
and she was dating a girl.

1774
00:56:28,657 --> 00:56:29,497
Uh, she's in high school.

1775
00:56:29,497 --> 00:56:31,687
She was dating a girl
and everything was great.

1776
00:56:32,362 --> 00:56:33,862
She's no longer dating this girl.

1777
00:56:33,862 --> 00:56:37,612
She started dating this guy, and
this guy treats her like crap.

1778
00:56:38,152 --> 00:56:43,282
And he's, he's always like fighting with
her and he doesn't treat her so good.

1779
00:56:43,282 --> 00:56:45,592
And she was better off with the
last girl and this and that.

1780
00:56:46,042 --> 00:56:52,062
And I don't know how to, I guess
I don't know how to navigate this.

1781
00:56:52,067 --> 00:56:52,137
Mm-hmm.

1782
00:56:52,217 --> 00:56:56,352
And I said, well, my wife and I
have a very interesting situation.

1783
00:56:56,352 --> 00:56:58,842
Our parent, our, our, our
kids know how we parent.

1784
00:56:58,872 --> 00:56:59,022
Mm-hmm.

1785
00:56:59,382 --> 00:57:02,052
My wife is very intrusive.

1786
00:57:02,622 --> 00:57:03,102
Very,

1787
00:57:03,102 --> 00:57:04,242
there's no other word for it.

1788
00:57:04,242 --> 00:57:05,142
She's intrusive.

1789
00:57:05,382 --> 00:57:07,782
She's involved in her kids' lives.

1790
00:57:07,932 --> 00:57:08,052
Yeah.

1791
00:57:08,052 --> 00:57:09,012
100%.

1792
00:57:09,042 --> 00:57:09,252
Yeah.

1793
00:57:09,342 --> 00:57:12,162
And if they're in a relationship,
she knows who they are.

1794
00:57:12,222 --> 00:57:12,342
Yes.

1795
00:57:12,492 --> 00:57:14,142
She knows who the parents are.

1796
00:57:14,772 --> 00:57:14,862
Mm-hmm.

1797
00:57:15,162 --> 00:57:15,752
Et cetera, et cetera.

1798
00:57:15,752 --> 00:57:19,222
Like she's involved even
with their friendships.

1799
00:57:19,312 --> 00:57:19,462
Mm-hmm.

1800
00:57:19,702 --> 00:57:24,502
She wants to know what's going on, and
she's very, very clear on her opinions.

1801
00:57:25,002 --> 00:57:28,242
If she doesn't like someone, even if
it's a girlfriend or a boyfriend, she'll

1802
00:57:28,242 --> 00:57:29,442
straight up say, I don't like them.

1803
00:57:29,442 --> 00:57:29,532
Mm-hmm.

1804
00:57:30,422 --> 00:57:32,942
She'll still treat them with
respect and whatnot, and we'll

1805
00:57:32,942 --> 00:57:34,922
respect our, our kids' choices.

1806
00:57:35,462 --> 00:57:37,682
But she makes it real
clear where she stands.

1807
00:57:38,582 --> 00:57:39,932
I am not as intrusive.

1808
00:57:40,022 --> 00:57:45,012
No, I am, I'm not one of those
who's just completely not present.

1809
00:57:45,432 --> 00:57:46,422
I hear things.

1810
00:57:46,722 --> 00:57:49,002
I, I, you know, they
talk about stuff openly.

1811
00:57:49,002 --> 00:57:49,392
Gossip in front

1812
00:57:49,392 --> 00:57:49,512
of me.

1813
00:57:49,512 --> 00:57:50,017
I gossip up to man about this.

1814
00:57:50,182 --> 00:57:54,132
I hear them, but I'm not gonna go
up to my kid and go, okay, so what's

1815
00:57:54,132 --> 00:57:55,632
going on with your relationship today?

1816
00:57:56,322 --> 00:57:56,412
Mm-hmm.

1817
00:57:56,802 --> 00:57:58,137
No, man, that's your relationship.

1818
00:57:58,137 --> 00:57:58,457
Mm-hmm.

1819
00:57:59,052 --> 00:58:00,582
My relationship is solid.

1820
00:58:00,762 --> 00:58:03,882
I don't need to know about your
relationship unless there's something

1821
00:58:03,882 --> 00:58:04,902
that you're struggling with.

1822
00:58:04,907 --> 00:58:05,097
Mm-hmm.

1823
00:58:05,262 --> 00:58:09,492
And so my kids know that if they
need to, if they're having a problem

1824
00:58:10,182 --> 00:58:16,002
and they need somebody who can speak
on it without any judgment and.

1825
00:58:16,422 --> 00:58:20,712
Be able to speak on it logically
and give them ideas on how to get

1826
00:58:20,712 --> 00:58:24,952
themselves out of whatever bad
situation or where they should go next.

1827
00:58:24,982 --> 00:58:25,072
Mm-hmm.

1828
00:58:25,312 --> 00:58:25,792
They know to come to me.

1829
00:58:25,797 --> 00:58:26,177
Mm-hmm.

1830
00:58:26,542 --> 00:58:28,252
Uh, because they can tell me anything.

1831
00:58:28,552 --> 00:58:30,862
I'm gonna sit back, I'm gonna
process it, and I'm gonna help them

1832
00:58:30,862 --> 00:58:32,362
figure out what their options are.

1833
00:58:32,512 --> 00:58:32,602
Yes.

1834
00:58:32,602 --> 00:58:34,342
Now I'm gonna tell, I'm not
gonna tell 'em what to do.

1835
00:58:35,032 --> 00:58:37,012
I'm gonna give them options.

1836
00:58:37,017 --> 00:58:37,217
Mm-hmm.

1837
00:58:37,372 --> 00:58:39,772
And I'm gonna say, look, you can
do this, you can do this, you

1838
00:58:39,772 --> 00:58:40,822
can do this, you can do this.

1839
00:58:41,542 --> 00:58:45,202
If you choose this, this
may pan out better for you.

1840
00:58:45,207 --> 00:58:45,537
Mm-hmm.

1841
00:58:45,617 --> 00:58:49,942
But these other options you have, if you
do this, this may not work out for you.

1842
00:58:49,942 --> 00:58:49,952
Mm-hmm.

1843
00:58:49,952 --> 00:58:51,412
You know, and I, I give them everything.

1844
00:58:51,952 --> 00:58:55,732
I lay it all out on the table, but if
they're looking for somebody to tell

1845
00:58:55,732 --> 00:58:56,962
them what to do, I ain't doing it.

1846
00:58:57,142 --> 00:58:57,382
Yeah.

1847
00:58:57,412 --> 00:59:00,592
Because they need to know how to
make the decision for themselves,

1848
00:59:00,832 --> 00:59:03,832
and they need to know how to figure
out what their different options are.

1849
00:59:03,952 --> 00:59:04,222
Yeah.

1850
00:59:04,282 --> 00:59:08,482
So I'm showing them the process so that
they can take this along with them along

1851
00:59:08,482 --> 00:59:13,042
the way, but if they need somebody to.

1852
00:59:13,477 --> 00:59:16,027
Stand up for them if they
need somebody to step in.

1853
00:59:16,447 --> 00:59:21,507
If they need somebody to just come
in there and be chaos, but with love.

1854
00:59:22,227 --> 00:59:23,247
That's what this woman does.

1855
00:59:23,247 --> 00:59:23,307
Yeah.

1856
00:59:23,337 --> 00:59:24,927
And, and we balance.

1857
00:59:25,167 --> 00:59:25,257
Mm-hmm.

1858
00:59:25,527 --> 00:59:27,357
The kids understand the roles we play.

1859
00:59:27,357 --> 00:59:27,447
Mm-hmm.

1860
00:59:27,567 --> 00:59:28,527
And we balance

1861
00:59:28,887 --> 00:59:29,607
we balance,

1862
00:59:29,607 --> 00:59:30,237
we, we do,

1863
00:59:30,327 --> 00:59:31,902
let me explain something real quick.

1864
00:59:32,367 --> 00:59:35,727
I am all about women empowerment.

1865
00:59:35,877 --> 00:59:35,937
Yeah.

1866
00:59:36,177 --> 00:59:38,817
I'm raising three boys.

1867
00:59:38,817 --> 00:59:39,447
Mm-hmm.

1868
00:59:39,542 --> 00:59:40,347
Three boys

1869
00:59:40,437 --> 00:59:40,947
and two girls

1870
00:59:41,037 --> 00:59:42,117
and two girls.

1871
00:59:42,267 --> 00:59:43,827
My girls, they're good.

1872
00:59:44,547 --> 00:59:48,147
They, they are some strong women,
like I don't have to worry about them.

1873
00:59:48,647 --> 00:59:52,577
Our youngest daughter knows what
she wants, has never been in a

1874
00:59:52,577 --> 00:59:55,487
relationship, but has been dealing
with friendship, relationships.

1875
00:59:55,487 --> 00:59:57,677
And she's like, yeah,
I can't even imagine.

1876
00:59:58,577 --> 01:00:03,077
But my boys, my boys love to be loved.

1877
01:00:03,577 --> 01:00:07,327
And the one thing that I've always
instilled in them is, I got your

1878
01:00:07,327 --> 01:00:09,082
back, but don't be shitty to women.

1879
01:00:09,992 --> 01:00:10,652
Shitty to women.

1880
01:00:10,652 --> 01:00:10,762
Shitty to women.

1881
01:00:11,662 --> 01:00:13,942
I'm, I'm gonna be, no matter what.

1882
01:00:14,002 --> 01:00:16,132
I'm gonna respect you.

1883
01:00:16,132 --> 01:00:18,592
I'm gonna, but you're gonna
know exactly how I feel.

1884
01:00:19,092 --> 01:00:20,112
Oh, you're gonna feel the pain.

1885
01:00:20,112 --> 01:00:21,162
You're gonna feel the pain.

1886
01:00:21,162 --> 01:00:25,602
Because, and, and our daughters
also will give them the pain.

1887
01:00:26,102 --> 01:00:30,452
It's, it's be respectful
because I'm raising boys.

1888
01:00:30,482 --> 01:00:37,002
And as a woman, you know, without
sounding crappy, it's a man's world.

1889
01:00:37,752 --> 01:00:41,082
We really have to stick together,
especially in relationships.

1890
01:00:41,082 --> 01:00:48,582
Like you have to be stronger and
understand what you are going into in

1891
01:00:48,582 --> 01:00:50,652
a relationship with a man as a woman.

1892
01:00:51,072 --> 01:00:56,622
So with that, you really have to, like,
I am raising, I doing my best to raise

1893
01:00:57,252 --> 01:01:03,312
men who are going to be transparent,
who are going to not be scared to.

1894
01:01:03,747 --> 01:01:08,217
Discuss uncomfortable situations
with their significant others.

1895
01:01:08,877 --> 01:01:15,767
So I feel like that right there
is a good role model for my girls

1896
01:01:15,857 --> 01:01:21,177
and for them to see this kind of
relationship is a good thing for both

1897
01:01:21,302 --> 01:01:23,157
sexes, like my boys and my girls.

1898
01:01:23,277 --> 01:01:23,517
Yeah.

1899
01:01:23,607 --> 01:01:23,727
Yeah.

1900
01:01:23,727 --> 01:01:26,367
And you know, you're not the only one
who's into women empowerment, you know?

1901
01:01:26,367 --> 01:01:27,417
I love strong women.

1902
01:01:27,422 --> 01:01:27,612
Yes.

1903
01:01:27,612 --> 01:01:27,892
Mm-hmm.

1904
01:01:27,972 --> 01:01:29,337
I was raised by a strong woman.

1905
01:01:29,757 --> 01:01:29,847
Mm-hmm.

1906
01:01:30,087 --> 01:01:30,747
Um, you know, when we,

1907
01:01:30,752 --> 01:01:31,732
and you're very respectful because of

1908
01:01:31,732 --> 01:01:31,852
that.

1909
01:01:31,857 --> 01:01:33,477
I am, I am respectful because of that.

1910
01:01:33,537 --> 01:01:33,627
Mm-hmm.

1911
01:01:33,627 --> 01:01:36,057
And I wanted, I knew that we
were raising boys and I knew

1912
01:01:36,057 --> 01:01:37,017
that we were raising girls.

1913
01:01:37,017 --> 01:01:40,822
I didn't wanna raise a
couple of weak girls.

1914
01:01:40,892 --> 01:01:41,182
Nope.

1915
01:01:41,337 --> 01:01:42,717
I wanted strong women,

1916
01:01:43,217 --> 01:01:43,437
so.

1917
01:01:44,397 --> 01:01:48,567
My, my thing is I've always wanted to make
sure that I raised strong women mm-hmm.

1918
01:01:48,987 --> 01:01:53,647
Who were able to face the world
without the need of a man.

1919
01:01:53,887 --> 01:01:53,977
Mm-hmm.

1920
01:01:54,217 --> 01:01:57,967
They can be individuals on their
own, they can handle their own shit.

1921
01:01:58,747 --> 01:01:58,927
Yeah.

1922
01:01:58,927 --> 01:02:01,567
Um, and if they wanted to have
a relationship with someone,

1923
01:02:01,567 --> 01:02:05,617
then they know that they can be
completely independent, but also semi

1924
01:02:05,617 --> 01:02:07,777
codependent in a strong relationship.

1925
01:02:08,047 --> 01:02:10,747
And then not only did I raise them
that way, but I wanted to make sure

1926
01:02:10,747 --> 01:02:14,287
that our relationship reflected
exactly what I wanted them to have.

1927
01:02:14,287 --> 01:02:14,377
Yeah.

1928
01:02:14,587 --> 01:02:18,277
And luckily for us, all our kids
have have said that we are our couple

1929
01:02:18,277 --> 01:02:22,217
relationship goals that they hope to find
one of these days, which is really cool.

1930
01:02:22,547 --> 01:02:22,757
Yeah.

1931
01:02:22,757 --> 01:02:23,867
It's really cool to be told that.

1932
01:02:24,197 --> 01:02:29,497
Uh, so as parents,
obviously, you know Yeah.

1933
01:02:29,497 --> 01:02:30,727
We are non-monogamous.

1934
01:02:31,267 --> 01:02:33,607
We don't tell them, Hey,
go be non-monogamous.

1935
01:02:33,607 --> 01:02:33,697
Mm-hmm.

1936
01:02:33,937 --> 01:02:34,402
Like, you have to do this.

1937
01:02:34,502 --> 01:02:34,922
Mm-hmm.

1938
01:02:35,257 --> 01:02:36,847
We give them the tools

1939
01:02:37,417 --> 01:02:37,567
mm-hmm.

1940
01:02:38,287 --> 01:02:39,362
Of knowledge that they need.

1941
01:02:40,207 --> 01:02:41,917
If they wanted to pursue that.

1942
01:02:41,922 --> 01:02:42,212
Mm-hmm.

1943
01:02:42,397 --> 01:02:44,047
Just the same as we do on this show.

1944
01:02:44,467 --> 01:02:46,057
We talk about things openly.

1945
01:02:46,297 --> 01:02:50,107
We talk about things honestly, and
we say, look, if this is something

1946
01:02:50,107 --> 01:02:53,617
you want to entertain and you
need information, I can help you.

1947
01:02:53,977 --> 01:02:56,317
But if you don't, that's your decision.

1948
01:02:56,347 --> 01:02:56,437
Mm-hmm.

1949
01:02:56,677 --> 01:02:58,987
This is your relationship, not mine.

1950
01:02:59,317 --> 01:02:59,557
Yeah.

1951
01:02:59,617 --> 01:03:03,457
And so that's really, you know, you
wanna be open without oversharing.

1952
01:03:03,667 --> 01:03:05,857
You wanna model that ethical behavior.

1953
01:03:06,187 --> 01:03:06,277
Yes.

1954
01:03:06,277 --> 01:03:11,287
You want to teach honesty over rules and
watching young generations navigate new

1955
01:03:11,287 --> 01:03:13,537
dating realities is kind of mind numbing.

1956
01:03:13,567 --> 01:03:14,857
I, I don't really care for it.

1957
01:03:14,857 --> 01:03:16,807
I don't wanna, I don't wanna
know what they're doing.

1958
01:03:17,107 --> 01:03:19,357
I don't wanna know about the
different apps and the different,

1959
01:03:19,357 --> 01:03:21,187
like every, everybody's on Instagram.

1960
01:03:21,337 --> 01:03:22,147
I'm on Instagram.

1961
01:03:22,147 --> 01:03:24,037
I ain't gonna, I don't
answer messages on Instagram.

1962
01:03:24,937 --> 01:03:27,127
Don't Instagram me, email me.

1963
01:03:27,487 --> 01:03:27,727
Okay.

1964
01:03:28,327 --> 01:03:31,237
43. I just learned last night,
I'm gonna be 44 this year.

1965
01:03:31,737 --> 01:03:32,577
You just learned

1966
01:03:32,577 --> 01:03:33,867
last, I just learned this last night.

1967
01:03:33,957 --> 01:03:36,477
Well, on our way back home
from the, from the club.

1968
01:03:36,477 --> 01:03:38,757
I just learned last night that
I'm gonna be 44 this year.

1969
01:03:39,237 --> 01:03:40,077
Don't hit me up on ig.

1970
01:03:40,797 --> 01:03:42,972
You wanna send me a dm? You
can send me a DM on TikTok.

1971
01:03:42,977 --> 01:03:44,517
'cause I'm on that
apparently all the time.

1972
01:03:45,017 --> 01:03:47,687
Send me an email because
people my age, we do emails.

1973
01:03:47,717 --> 01:03:47,807
Mm-hmm.

1974
01:03:48,047 --> 01:03:48,407
It's okay.

1975
01:03:48,907 --> 01:03:49,792
That's all it That's

1976
01:03:49,792 --> 01:03:49,832
very

1977
01:03:49,832 --> 01:03:49,912
true.

1978
01:03:49,982 --> 01:03:50,272
Very.

1979
01:03:50,277 --> 01:03:50,377
Yeah.

1980
01:03:50,377 --> 01:03:52,837
We're not trying to raise
non-monogamous kids here we are trying

1981
01:03:52,837 --> 01:03:55,687
to raise emotionally honest adults.

1982
01:03:55,717 --> 01:03:56,707
Amen.

1983
01:03:56,767 --> 01:03:57,607
That's all you can ask for.

1984
01:03:57,607 --> 01:03:57,787
That's it.

1985
01:03:58,687 --> 01:03:58,987
Yeah.

1986
01:03:59,047 --> 01:04:03,097
Uh, and honestly, the sit, the situation
reminded us that the conversation.

1987
01:04:03,457 --> 01:04:06,817
Isn't about whether relationships
are open or closed, it's

1988
01:04:06,817 --> 01:04:08,407
about whether they're honest.

1989
01:04:08,412 --> 01:04:08,532
Mm-hmm.

1990
01:04:09,132 --> 01:04:12,577
'cause if you can't be honest in
monogamy, opening relationship

1991
01:04:12,577 --> 01:04:13,717
is not going to fix that.

1992
01:04:13,717 --> 01:04:15,097
We've said it a thousand times.

1993
01:04:15,097 --> 01:04:15,217
Yeah.

1994
01:04:15,217 --> 01:04:17,797
You're putting a, a
bandaid on a bullet wound.

1995
01:04:17,802 --> 01:04:18,427
Nope, nope, nope.

1996
01:04:19,152 --> 01:04:21,732
Anyways, if this episode hit
home for you, share it with

1997
01:04:21,732 --> 01:04:23,442
someone who needs to hear it.

1998
01:04:24,102 --> 01:04:27,372
These are the conversations that help
people build better relationships, whether

1999
01:04:27,372 --> 01:04:29,412
you are monogamous or non monogamous.

2000
01:04:29,562 --> 01:04:29,802
Mm-hmm.

2001
01:04:30,432 --> 01:04:33,282
And of course, guys, make sure
you're following us on all of

2002
01:04:33,282 --> 01:04:34,932
our socials beyond Monogamy.

2003
01:04:35,142 --> 01:04:35,832
Instagram.

2004
01:04:36,312 --> 01:04:38,837
We have Facebook, we both
have different tiktoks.

2005
01:04:38,837 --> 01:04:39,117
We do.

2006
01:04:39,117 --> 01:04:41,022
We got Reddits, we got YouTube.

2007
01:04:41,022 --> 01:04:41,142
That's

2008
01:04:41,142 --> 01:04:41,352
right.

2009
01:04:41,562 --> 01:04:45,792
So yes, join the community because that
keeps the conversations going and we

2010
01:04:45,792 --> 01:04:47,832
don't stop when the episode ends, guys.

2011
01:04:48,492 --> 01:04:50,652
Yeah, we, I apparently, I
found out last night as well.

2012
01:04:51,037 --> 01:04:51,717
I don't stop talking.

2013
01:04:51,972 --> 01:04:52,542
I talk a lot.

2014
01:04:53,322 --> 01:04:54,612
It's good information.

2015
01:04:54,612 --> 01:04:55,812
Uh, yeah, I guess so.

2016
01:04:55,902 --> 01:04:56,742
But you talk a lot.

2017
01:04:57,012 --> 01:04:59,592
Yeah, I'm a, I'm a motor mouth, evidently.

2018
01:04:59,622 --> 01:05:00,432
And they like your voice,

2019
01:05:00,432 --> 01:05:01,272
I guess.

2020
01:05:01,752 --> 01:05:05,022
Anyways, you can find everything,
episodes, blog posts, events,

2021
01:05:05,022 --> 01:05:10,302
guest information and more
at www beyond monogamy com.

2022
01:05:10,452 --> 01:05:14,172
And we've got some great things
coming up, guys, including.

2023
01:05:14,632 --> 01:05:15,502
Upcoming meetups.

2024
01:05:15,502 --> 01:05:17,062
We have some workshops Yeah.

2025
01:05:17,062 --> 01:05:20,032
And our Beyond Monogamy events,
so keep an eye on our website.

2026
01:05:20,032 --> 01:05:23,422
We have a little event tab and our
social so you don't miss anything.

2027
01:05:23,482 --> 01:05:23,812
Yeah.

2028
01:05:23,812 --> 01:05:27,292
You know, it's definitely worth saying
because we have the, a couple of, of easy

2029
01:05:27,292 --> 01:05:29,122
events that I can spit out right now.

2030
01:05:29,242 --> 01:05:29,572
Ooh, go.

2031
01:05:29,572 --> 01:05:35,902
Um, your birthday party on March 14th,
uh, at Club Eden in San Antonio at 9:00

2032
01:05:35,902 --> 01:05:39,562
PM Uh, you know, it's, it's an open
invite to anybody who wants to join us.

2033
01:05:39,562 --> 01:05:40,852
We will have the VIP there.

2034
01:05:41,062 --> 01:05:43,942
Like I said last time
though, it's not free.

2035
01:05:44,332 --> 01:05:44,692
It's not

2036
01:05:44,692 --> 01:05:44,782
free.

2037
01:05:44,782 --> 01:05:48,052
It is a membership that you have to pay

2038
01:05:48,112 --> 01:05:48,382
Yes.

2039
01:05:48,382 --> 01:05:49,462
To become a member.

2040
01:05:49,612 --> 01:05:49,822
Yes.

2041
01:05:50,032 --> 01:05:51,562
To go into the club.

2042
01:05:51,562 --> 01:05:53,512
'cause it is a member's only social club.

2043
01:05:53,662 --> 01:05:53,782
Yes.

2044
01:05:53,782 --> 01:05:56,812
So if you want to join us, you
will have to be prepared for that.

2045
01:05:56,812 --> 01:05:57,832
Check their website.

2046
01:05:57,832 --> 01:05:59,812
It is in our show notes
if you need to see it.

2047
01:06:00,152 --> 01:06:01,762
And you can, join us for that.

2048
01:06:02,002 --> 01:06:05,812
The other thing that we have coming up is
on March 29th, and that is an in-person

2049
01:06:05,812 --> 01:06:08,242
event at our sponsors Forbidden Fruit.

2050
01:06:08,362 --> 01:06:08,452
Mm-hmm.

2051
01:06:08,722 --> 01:06:14,692
Uh, in Austin, and that's gonna be March
29th from 6:00 PM to 8:00 PM Central.

2052
01:06:14,872 --> 01:06:19,012
We are doing a workshop on Swinging 1 0 1.

2053
01:06:19,012 --> 01:06:19,102
Mm-hmm.

2054
01:06:19,342 --> 01:06:24,052
Because they do all sorts of workshops,
the Fellatio 1 0 1 and the kind

2055
01:06:24,052 --> 01:06:25,922
of Lingus 1 0 1, and we are the.

2056
01:06:26,422 --> 01:06:28,132
Uh, and they even do
like rope classes Yeah.

2057
01:06:28,132 --> 01:06:28,852
And stuff like that.

2058
01:06:28,852 --> 01:06:31,942
So we are teaching that
class on how to swing.

2059
01:06:32,752 --> 01:06:37,762
So be sure if you're interested, if
you're in the area or if you are within

2060
01:06:37,762 --> 01:06:42,512
traveling distance, check out our
website, check out our show notes and

2061
01:06:42,512 --> 01:06:49,022
check out www do forbidden fruit.com
because actually they have a full page

2062
01:06:49,022 --> 01:06:52,922
that shows everything that we're gonna
be getting into and you can get all

2063
01:06:52,922 --> 01:06:54,152
the information you need from there.

2064
01:06:54,152 --> 01:06:54,302
Love it.

2065
01:06:54,662 --> 01:06:58,862
Uh, also, don't forget that you can
catch us on full swap radio.com every

2066
01:06:58,862 --> 01:07:01,952
Thursday at 2:00 PM and 7:00 PM Central.

2067
01:07:02,072 --> 01:07:02,642
Yes.

2068
01:07:02,642 --> 01:07:05,582
And if you wanna support the
show, leave us a review, follow

2069
01:07:05,582 --> 01:07:07,322
on Spotify and share this episode.

2070
01:07:07,322 --> 01:07:09,092
It makes a huge difference, guys.

2071
01:07:09,237 --> 01:07:10,862
Huge, huge difference.

2072
01:07:11,192 --> 01:07:13,442
And with that, we really
appreciate you all listening and

2073
01:07:13,442 --> 01:07:15,902
we'll see you guys next week.

2074
01:07:16,112 --> 01:07:16,472
Bye.