Red Flags, Green Flags, and Pris Calling Herself La Toxica — Wednesday QUICKIE Recap

If you caught our recent SDC live webinar, you already know things got spicy when the topic of red flags and green flags came up. Well, we weren't done. Not even a little. So we dragged it straight to Wednesday's QUICKIE — and honestly, this one got personal.

Buckle up. Pris declared herself La Toxica before the first five minutes were up, and Adam admitted he used to be that pushy guy he now can't stand. Welcome to Beyond Monogamy, where we put all of our business in the streets so you don't have to.

Pris's Red Flags: She Has Standards and She Will Tell You

Pris is bisexual, she's been in the lifestyle for 14 years, and she has genuinely different criteria for men and women. She is not apologizing for it. Double standards exist. Moving on.

For men: If you go from normal conversation to sexually charged real fast — and we're talking day two energy here — you are done. She doesn't care what you look like, how charming you are, or that you're in the lifestyle. You played yourself.

"You're never gonna get in these pants." — Pris, direct and unambiguous as always.

For women: If you're in a group chat with both Adam and Pris, and you start exclusively texting Adam on the side and leaving Pris on read? She knows. And she's already out. This isn't about jealousy — it's about respect. Pris is not a side character in her own relationship.

"I feel like you're not respecting my boundaries or you think I'm a nobody. And no. I am a somebody."

She also makes a note that for women, turning things sexual quickly is not automatically a red flag for her. Because again — double standards. They exist. Own them.

The Entitlement Thing — And Why It Kills the Vibe Immediately

Both Adam and Pris landed on entitlement as one of the most common and most frustrating red flags they see in the lifestyle. The assumption that because someone is in the swinging community, they owe you access. They don't.

"You've probably seen pictures of us in lingerie... and you think you're entitled. It's not — it's entitlement." — Pris

This isn't unique to the lifestyle either. Pris is clear: she doesn't like entitled men in any context. Her life, her rules, her call — and if that's a problem for you, she's not losing sleep over it.

Adam's Red Flag: Pushiness Is a Hard No

Adam's number one red flag? That urgent, frantic energy from guys who need to set up a playdate by the second conversation. The "I gotta meet you guys, I gotta talk to your wife, let's make this happen NOW" vibe.

Here's the thing — Adam used to be exactly that. He admitted it on mic. He used to think if he didn't lock something in immediately, the opportunity would disappear. Pris, ever supportive, confirmed this with zero hesitation.

"Did you know you used to be like that?" — Pris
"So you've said." — Adam

Fourteen years and a lot of growth later, Adam's entire focus has shifted from collecting experiences to building connections. And if you can't slow your roll long enough to actually get to know people? He's not interested.

And if you're the guy who messages a husband asking for naked pictures of his wife — Adam has a few words for you. They are not kind. They are, however, completely earned.

"My wife is my most treasured thing to me outside of my own children. If I'm going to share her with anybody... I have to approve of the kind of person you are."

The Guilt Trip Red Flag: Don't Do It

Adam's phone goes to Do Not Disturb at 8:30 PM every night. He has a wife. He has kids. He has a life that exists outside of your DMs. If you're texting him after hours expecting an immediate response, that's on you.

But if you follow that up with "you didn't message me yesterday" — that's a problem. The second Adam feels a guilt trip coming on, he says it out loud to himself: red flag. On purpose. Because if he doesn't name it, he'll rationalize it away.

"If I say it out loud and I'm like — ah, it was in my face enough to say it out loud. Red flag. I have it. I've seen it. I identified it."

He'll set the boundary, usually with humor, usually gently. But he will set it. And if someone doesn't take it gracefully, they make it real easy to walk away.

The Pressure Dynamic — When One Partner Is Dragging the Other

Pris brought up something she actually witnessed at a club recently: a woman who wanted to be in the lifestyle, brought her guy, and spent the evening visibly pressuring him to engage even though he clearly wasn't feeling it. It was uncomfortable to watch.

They both acknowledged this has been them at different points. Adam was the one pushing early on. Pris wasn't fully on board. It was a rough season. They got through it — but they also recognize how harmful that pressure dynamic can be for a couple and for everyone around them.

Green Flags: The Good Stuff

Okay, it's not all side-eyes and hard passes. Here's what actually gets their attention in a good way:

• Great communication between couples. Pris finds it genuinely sexy when she sees a couple who clearly talks to each other. Real talk — communication is hot.
• Asking permission first. If a guy messages Adam to ask if it's okay to reach out to Pris, she said he just scored himself a point. Old school? Maybe. But she loves it.
• Transparency about intentions. Whether it's a man or a woman — being clear about what you want from the jump is respected.
• Self-awareness. Adam is drawn to people who are actively working on themselves. Know your stuff. Own it. Grow.
• Taking a "no" gracefully. Adam admits this took him years to genuinely be okay with. But when someone can be told no without making it weird or making it personal? That's a green flag and a half.

The Gray Zone — Because Nothing Is Black and White

One of the best moments in this episode is when Adam pulls back and reminds everyone: these are their red and green flags. What's a dealbreaker for them might be totally normal for another couple. What's a green flag in their relationship might not even register for yours.

"Everything is situational to what you and your partner have discussed."

There is a massive gray zone in this lifestyle, and operating inside it requires communication, honesty, and a willingness to check yourself regularly. That's kind of the whole point.

Pris Is La Toxica and She Owns It

In what might be the most honest five minutes of the episode, Pris just... lays it out. She's jealous. She's territorial. She doesn't have compersion. She's aware of all of it. And somehow, through 14 years and a lot of conversation, she and Adam have figured out how to make it work.

"You can be a jealous person and still be successful in this lifestyle as a couple." — Adam

That's the receipts right there. You don't have to be perfect. You have to be honest.

This QUICKIE hit different. Go listen to the full episode wherever you get your podcasts, and find everything else at www.beyond-monogamy.com — including the anonymous Beyond Monogamy Confessional, blog posts, merch, and the events tab. If this episode made you snort-laugh, nod aggressively, or text your partner a screenshot — leave us a review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. It helps more than you know.

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