More Than Monogamy: The ENM Documentary That Actually Gets It Right

Let's be honest. If you've spent any time in the ethical non-monogamy world, you've probably sat through at least one documentary, web series, or TV special that made you want to throw your remote through the wall. You know the ones. They find the most dramatic polycule they can locate, cram in some ominous music, zoom in on somebody crying at a kitchen table, and call it "education." Thanks. Very helpful.

So when Adam & Pris tell you that More Than Monogamy is different — genuinely, actually, measurably different — you should listen, because Pris has ADHD and couldn't be bored even for a single minute. That is the gold standard of documentary quality in this house.

Meet the Team Who Made It

This episode, we got to sit down with all three people behind the film — and yes, there were only three of them. Three people. One documentary. Five years. If that doesn't make you want to buy it for $10 just out of sheer respect, nothing will.

Dillon Birdsall is the director and co-creator, operating out of All the Birds LLC. His first feature film, V Card, won Best Documentary Feature at CineKink — and he made it as a virgin. Yes. He walked out of post-production and directly into the lifestyle. As he describes it, the transition from virgin to sex club regular was "not as hard as one might think." We believe him.

Then there's Urvashi and Kama from Spark Erotic, who've been making ethical erotic films together for 11 years, have produced 25 films, and won the CineKink Audience Choice Award five years in a row. When the festival organizers started giving them the look that said "maybe let someone else win," you know you've achieved something.

How This All Started (A British Company, a Broken Deal, and a Hail Mary)

The origin story of this documentary is almost as entertaining as the film itself. A production company in Britain reached out wanting to do a non-monogamy series. Dillon and Spark Erotic started collaborating, poured months of effort and hundreds of hours of footage into the project — and then the British company just... vanished. Ghosted. Gone.

Dillon was at a creative low point (he was real and vulnerable about his depression and suicidal ideation during this stretch, and we're glad he talked about it). The footage was sitting there. Urvashi and Kama were sitting there. And then came the Hail Mary: "Hey, do you guys still want to make this?" They said yes. The film got made. The world is better for it.

What followed was about a year of Dillon driving up from Albuquerque, living out of Urvashi and Kama's place in Colorado, filling a giant whiteboard with sticky notes, eating dinners together, and occasionally losing a hard drive somewhere in the process. Documentaries are hard. Great documentaries are made by people who refuse to let them stay unfinished.

What Makes This Documentary Actually Good

Here's what separates More Than Monogamy from the pack: the team set out to make the documentary they wished had existed when they were new to the lifestyle. Not titillating. Not outsider-looking-in. Not 50 Shades of Gray-ing the whole thing. Just education. Real experts. Real couples. Real vocabulary, presented without embarrassment.

They brought in some of the biggest names in sexology — Justin Lehmiller, Kitty Chambliss, Dr. Liz Powell — and built a film around a central couple who take you through the journey, because as Urvashi said, "When you teach with humor, it locks in." The film devotes two full sections to communication alone. That tells you everything about their priorities.

Adam described it as what you would want shown in a high school sex ed class if the world made sense. Pris said it explained jealousy in a way that finally clicked for her personally. That's the bar. When your podcast co-host, who openly identifies as possessive and territorial, walks away from your film having a breakthrough — you did something right.

Compersion: Who Has It, Who Doesn't, and Who Cleans Kitchens at Sex Parties

This episode produced one of the most unexpectedly relatable conversations about compersion we've ever had on the show. For the uninitiated: compersion is the feeling of joy you get from watching your partner enjoy their connection with someone else. It's often called "the opposite of jealousy." Some people are full of it. Some people are Pris.

Here's where everyone landed:

• Adam: Full compersion. Tell him everything. His win is your win. He is, in his own words, "her cheese," and he loves that she keeps coming back to the cheese aisle.
• Pris: Working on it. Strongly prefers women, doesn't share Adam's taste in women, so in those situations she's got some compersion going. But in general? "I don't want to know every time." Fair.
• Urvashi: Compersion at a distance. She's happy if Kama's happy, but she doesn't want to be in the room. She is not a voyeur. At sex parties, she went upstairs and cleaned kitchens while people were having fun downstairs. Hosts reportedly came upstairs to find spotless countertops.
• Kama: The exact opposite of Urvashi — he needs to be involved to feel compersion. Distance makes it harder for him.
• Dillon: Single and loving it. If you tell him you want to be with other people, he says "same, let's be a team." His jealousy kicks in professionally. If someone he was sleeping with won an Oscar, he might have some feelings about that.

The Part About Ethical Erotica vs. Porn (Yes, There's a Difference)

Spark Erotic's work gets its own spotlight in this episode, and it deserves it. Kama and Urvashi have been erotic photographers for over 25 years and filmmakers for 11, and their approach is fundamentally different from what most people picture when they hear "adult content."

Kama's definition: porn is about staring. A fixed camera on a tripod for 20 minutes on a single act. Erotica is about glancing — motion, perspective, art direction, a beginning, middle, and end. Real couples. Real connection. A film you actually want to watch from start to finish rather than using as an 8-minute timer.

Urvashi's motivation came from wanting to make something she could actually enjoy — because as a woman, she could never find herself in mainstream porn. So she made it herself. With her USC Fine Arts degree, her 25 years of photography, and the collaborative eye of two people who genuinely love what they're creating together. If you haven't seen their work, sparkerotic.com is your next stop.

Their photography — the still work Urvashi has been doing for couples in the lifestyle — lives at urvashiseye.com. Go look. You'll get it immediately.

Coming Up at Spark Erotic

Two new films in the pipeline: Bound (fully edited, ready to release) and Buzzed (currently in editing), which is about a remote-controlled vibrator whose remote gets lost at a party — where multiple people keep accidentally picking it up while trying to change the stereo or the lights. That is cinema.

Watch the Film. Seriously.

The first 12 minutes of More Than Monogamy are available free at morethanmonogamy.com. The full film is $10. It was made by three people over five years with no studio backing and a whiteboard full of sticky notes. Support independent filmmakers. Support the community. Watch the thing.

Find Us, Join Us, Come See Us

Everything Beyond Monogamy lives at beyond-monogamy.com — every episode, video clips, guest bios, merch, the Confessional (100% anonymous, drop whatever's on your mind), and our full events calendar.

We go live every Thursday at 2 PM and 7 PM Central over at fullswapradio.com. Come hang out.

🎉 Meet us in person: We'll be at Club Eden San Antonio on Friday, June 20th at 9 PM. You need a membership to the club — get that sorted at their website before you come. Details on the Events tab at beyond-monogamy.com.

❄️ Krazy Winter Nights in Kansas City — February 19–21, 2027. Use code BEYOMONO for a discount. Start making plans now.

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