Cheating, “Micro-Cheating,” and Why Ethics Matter More Than Labels

Alright y’all… today’s episode came from one of those moments where parenting, relationships, and modern dating culture all decide to pull up a chair at the same damn table and start swinging elbows.

And before anybody panics — no, we’re not airing family business in a messy way. But something happened in our house this week that sparked a conversation that was WAY bigger than just one situation.

Because it reminded us of something that doesn’t get said enough:

You can understand non-monogamy and still not understand ethics.

And honestly… that’s true whether you’re monogamous, open, swinging, poly, “it’s complicated,” or you’re just out here raw-dogging the emotional consequences of your own decisions.

The Moment That Hit Us Like a Brick

So here’s the general, non-identifying version:

A younger couple had been having conversations about possibly opening up their relationship. Like, it was discussed. It was on the table. The vocabulary was there. The curiosity was there.

But what actually happened was this:

He was secretly talking to other women online for a long time.

Not local. Not “I’m about to go meet up.” But consistent. Ongoing. Intimate. DMs. Emotional attachment. Online flirting that lived in that gray area people LOVE to pretend doesn’t count.

And his logic was basically:

“It didn’t feel real because it wasn’t local.”

Which is wild, because that’s like saying, “I didn’t rob the bank because I only robbed the ATM.”

And it turned into one of those moments where you realize: people are learning the words of ENM before they learn the values.

As we said in the episode:

“They know the vocabulary… but knowing the vocabulary doesn’t mean you know how to live the values.”

Cheating vs Ethical Non-Monogamy: The Simplest Way We Can Say It

Some people think ENM means “permission to do whatever you want.”

Nope.

ENM means: the truth stays inside the relationship conversation — not outside of it.

We said it straight up:

“If you want something outside the relationship, the ethical move is bringing it into the conversation. Not outside of it.”

And when it’s hidden? When it’s secret? When you’re editing your stories, leaving out parts of your day, deleting messages, using apps that disappear, or saying “it’s not real because it’s online”?

That’s not “exploring.” That’s cheating.

Let’s Talk About “Micro-Cheating” and Why People Get Defensive

At some point in the episode, we got into this idea of micro-cheating.

And y’all… the reason this subject makes people squirm is because it forces you to admit something uncomfortable:

If you’re doing something you wouldn’t do in front of your partner, you already know it’s wrong.

We even joked about it like:

“It’s almost like having a relationship with ChatGPT…”

And then we realized: there are people out here literally having emotional relationships with AI. Like full-on “this is my boyfriend” energy. (Apparently his name is Johnny. Shout out to Johnny.)

And look — I’m not here to shame anybody’s coping mechanisms. I’m just saying: if you’re hiding it, you’re not being ethical.

Story Time: Yes, We’ve Been Here Too

Here’s where we got real, because we ALWAYS try to keep it honest with y’all.

People see our podcast. They see our content. They see us hosting events and talking like we’ve got it all figured out.

And I said it on the episode:

“People think we do no wrong. No. We are a real couple and we’ve experienced real things.”

Early on in our lifestyle journey, I had a situation where a conversation started under the “we’re setting something up” umbrella… and then it slowly curved into something more personal. More one-on-one. More “this is about me” than “this is about us.”

And that’s the part people don’t tell you about cheating:

Sometimes it starts as something small… and then one day you wake up and realize:

“Oh sh*t… I’m in too deep.”

Pris described exactly how she found it. She had a gut feeling, logged in, saw messages… saw pics… and made that call that makes your stomach drop to the floor.

And my reaction wasn’t anger.

It was relief.

Because I didn’t know how to tell her.

I was carrying it around like a weight.

And I said it in the episode:

“It’s like you let me out of the cage.”

Do you know how exhausting secrets are?

They don’t protect your relationship. They poison it.

The Jealousy Thing (Because Everybody Wants to Pretend They’re “Above” It)

Let’s get something straight:

Jealousy isn’t the villain.

Jealousy is a normal human emotion.

Pris said it best — she’s jealous, she’s territorial, and she’s not ashamed of it. She’s just learned to be honest about it, manage it, and communicate through it like an adult.

Because here’s the truth:

Jealousy doesn’t ruin relationships. Silence does.

And a lot of the “I can do it but you can’t” nonsense we see in the lifestyle?

That’s insecurity wearing a trench coat pretending to be a boundary.

(Yeah I said it.)

Social Media Didn’t Break Your Relationship — It Just Made It Easier to Act On It

We talked a lot about social media in this episode, because it’s not just “people are cheating more.”

It’s that cheating got lazy.

Back in the day, cheating took effort.

Now it’s three taps and a DM.

You can cheat nationwide. Globally. From your couch. While your partner is in the other room watching Netflix.

And people justify it because it feels “less real.”

But emotional betrayal is still betrayal.

The Parenting Angle: We’re Not Raising Non-Monogamous Kids

This part matters.

Our kids know we’re ethically non-monogamous. They know we have a podcast. They understand relationships can look different.

But we are NOT sitting here like:

“Alright children, gather around… let’s all open up and download Feeld.”

No.

We said it clearly:

“We’re not trying to raise non-monogamous kids here. We’re trying to raise emotionally honest adults.”

Because whether they end up monogamous or non-monogamous, the foundation is the same:

• Honesty
• Accountability
• Communication
• Emotional maturity

And if you can’t do those things in monogamy… opening the relationship won’t magically fix you.

As Pris said:

“If you can’t be honest in monogamy, opening a relationship is not going to fix that.”

Fun Facts From This Episode (Because We’re Still Us)

• Pris had “boyfriends in several schools” back in the day. (Yes, she said it proudly. Yes, I was sweating.)
• I learned (apparently) that I’m going to be 44 this year. I found out late. Don’t judge me.
• Pris wants long-distance girlfriends “all over.” I said, babe… that’s called having friends.
• We officially confirmed: Snapchat makes me feel old. If your messages disappear, I forget what I said and I don’t like living like that.

So What’s the Takeaway?

Here it is — clean and simple:

Ethics isn’t about how many people you love. It’s about how honest you are with the people you love.

If you’re hiding conversations, hiding apps, hiding friendships, hiding emotional connections… you already know you’re crossing a line.

And if you’re the person on the other side of that betrayal?

Trust your gut.

Don’t accuse. Don’t explode.

Pull them close, look them in the eyes, and give them a moment where you’re safe enough that the truth can come out.

Because secrets don’t die quietly.

They always come back louder.

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These conversations matter, and the more you interact with the show, the more the platforms push it to people who are quietly struggling and need the language for what they’re feeling.

Find Us Everywhere

Website: www.beyond-monogamy.com

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Upcoming Beyond Monogamy Events

March 14 — Pris’s Birthday Bash @ Club Eden (San Antonio)
9:00 PM | Membership Required (Not free — it’s a private members-only social club)
More info at: www.beyond-monogamy.com

March 29 — Swinging 101 Workshop @ Forbidden Fruit (Austin)
6:00 PM – 8:00 PM Central
We’re teaching a full “how to swing” beginner workshop — perfect if you’re new, curious, or tired of learning the hard way.

Alright y’all — if you made it this far, you’re our people.

And if you’re dealing with anything like this right now — monogamous or non-monogamous — remember:

The relationship isn’t defined by the label. It’s defined by the honesty.

We appreciate you listening, we appreciate you supporting, and we’ll see you next week.