Bi Men in Swinging: Let’s Talk About the Stigma

Some episodes are fun. Some are spicy. And some… some are necessary.

This one? Very necessary.

We sat down with Ashley and Rob from the United Bi Swinging Podcast and had one of those conversations where halfway through you realize, “Yep… people really needed to hear this.”

Because for a lifestyle that prides itself on being sex-positive, open-minded, and inclusive, we still have a weird hang-up when it comes to bisexual men — especially bi men in swinging.

And no, it’s not subtle.

Honesty Didn’t Break Their Relationship — It Built It

Rob came out early in his relationship with Ashley. Not years later. Not after resentment built up. Early.

And Ashley didn’t spiral. She didn’t panic. She didn’t assume the worst.

She listened.

That honesty became the foundation of their trust — not a threat to it. Which is wild, because so many people are taught the opposite: that honesty is dangerous and secrets are safer.

They’re not.

Fun Fact: Bi Men Aren’t Rare — They’re Quiet

One of the best lines from the episode was when we talked about visibility.

Bi visibility isn’t always visual. It’s often auditory.

If a man doesn’t say it out loud, the world assumes he’s straight. And when saying it out loud comes with judgment, rejection, or assumptions, silence feels safer.

So no — bi men aren’t rare. They’re navigating an environment that doesn’t always feel safe.

Let’s Kill This Myth Right Now

The idea that a bisexual man wants everyone in the room is… laughable.

Rob put it perfectly:

“I can’t be into a man unless I know he’s into men.”

Consent doesn’t disappear because someone is bisexual. Boundaries don’t dissolve. Attraction doesn’t turn into entitlement.

Bi doesn’t mean reckless. It means human.

The Real Damage of Bad Advice

We talked about something that honestly pissed me off.

Women asking for help in online groups — “My husband came out” or “My partner wants to explore” — and being told immediately:

“He’s gay.”
“He’s going to leave you.”
“Your marriage is over.”

That advice doesn’t protect anyone. It destroys trust before it has a chance to grow.

Support should sound like curiosity, not fear.

This Episode Is Really About Safety

Not physical safety.

Emotional safety.

The safety to say the scary thing. The safety to ask questions. The safety to not have everything figured out yet.

Ashley said it best when she described Rob sharing his truth as a gift — not a burden.

That’s what real partnership looks like.

Want More?

Go check out the United Bi Swinging Podcast and follow them on TikTok. They’re building the community a lot of people wish already existed.

And if you want to keep up with us, our episodes, and where we’ll be next, head over to www.beyond-monogamy.com and check out our Events tab.

If this episode hit home, please share it. You never know who’s been waiting to hear exactly this conversation.