When Your Body Says Yes But Your Agreement Said No — Listener Q&A

0:07 All right, y'all. Before we dive in, a quick heads-up This show is raw, real, and definitely not rated PG We're talking about adult themes, sexual content, and the kinda stuff you probably don't want blasting through your speakers at work or around your kids So grab some headphones, pour your drink of choice, and get comfy Oh, and just so we're clear, we are not licensed therapists, counselors, or sex couches. Sex coaches. Sex coaches Not sex couches We're just a couple of people sharing our lives, experiences, and sexy adventures in ethical non-monogamy. So with that, pull up a chair and enjoy the show and welcome to another episode of Beyond Monogamy.

0:54 I'm Adam. And I'm Pris, and on today's quickie, we're talking about something that I think a lot of people in the lifestyle have experienced, but y'all are too afraid to admit it, and that's okay. Yes. What happens when you're in the middle of an intense moment and things go further than what you and your partner agreed to beforehand? Yeah. We got a voicemail on our website from a listener named Zoya, and she laid it out so honestly that we knew we had to address it right away. Like- Yeah … I, I couldn't waste any time. Yeah. Uh, this isn't a fringe situation. Mm-mm. This is real. Mm-hmm. It happens, and there's a lot that, uh, you can actually do about it. Yes. And if you have a question you've been sitting on, something you can't, like, Google or ChatGPT, something you're afraid to ask your friends, go to beyond-monogamy.com and leave us a voicemail.

1:44 It might become the next episode. That's right. All right, let's get into it. Let's do this. So we got this voicemail from a listener named Zoya, and we're gonna play it for you right now Hi. My name is Zoya. Um, I'm relatively new to the lifestyle and to your podcast, so I found it very interesting. Um, I keep hoping that my personal problem will come up, and it hasn't exactly. So basically, an issue that my partner and I are having is that we're really good at discussing things before being around other folks and having an experience.

2:26 But then what's happening for me is that when I'm in the middle of interacting with someone and everything is really hot and, and I'm just really, um, wrapped up in the experience, I find that things that we discussed ahead of time were not gonna be on the table suddenly, um, seem to be, like, happening in the moment. And I have been really bad at sort of knowing how to navigate those things. I just kind of go ahead and do things that we haven't discussed, and I feel really terrible because I know that it's like breaking a boundary.

3:19 It's like damaging trust between us, and I don't-- in the moment, I'm not even thinking about that. It's like I lose my ability to make good decisions or even know that it's a decision I should be making in that moment. So I'm just wondering, is there-- do you have any tips on how to navigate those sort of intense moments where you're not sure what to do? Hmm. Well, Zoya, thank you, because that took a hell of a lot of guts to say out loud. Oh, yeah. So thank you. It's, it's hard to just internalize that conversation- Yeah … uh, much less say it out loud, uh, on, on a voicemail. Yes. Uh, I just wanna name something right away.

4:01 Zoya is not describing someone who doesn't care about her partner. Okay. That's very important to note here. Yes. She's describing someone who cares a lot and is confused about why her behavior isn't matching her intentions. Yeah. She's genuinely confused. Yeah, yeah. Like, that was, that, that was very vulnerable of her to say, you know? Yeah. Yeah. So, uh, what are your thoughts on that, honey? Ooh, Zoya girl. Um, I'm gonna be real with you, okay? There is… There's two sides, right? Because I totally understand when inhibitions, want, lust take over. Do you? I understand it.

4:42 I understand it. ' Cause that's more of a me thing. Well, no, I'm saying, like, I understand it. Like- No, I mean, like, for it to happen to me. Like, out of the two of us- Yeah … I, I would understand what this person is saying because I, I can relate to that. Like- Because you lose inhibitions- In, in the moment in the moment. That's what I'm saying. Yeah Yeah, in the moment. Yeah. So that's why- I totally get it … I, so Zoya, we, we are the two different. Yeah. Because I, um, and I'm not saying that you don't, but I… And I've said this to Adam, I always have Adam in the front of my thoughts, every single time. Nobody can envelop my emotions that much to take me elsewhere and me not think about, um, Adam.

5:29 That's me. That's the way my brain works. That's, that's not everybody. That's me, very jealous, very insecure person. You know, um, uh, that's what's going through my head. So it's like, yeah, no. Um, so I'm the opposite. Um, so Adam is- But she does have more understanding to it. That sounds more like a me problem. Mm-hmm. Um, and that was something that I had to really deal with early on. Yeah. Because, uh, e- especially if you're new to it, um, if… You know, for me it's, it's more of a, it takes me back to when I was younger, you know, I was a teenager, or in my early 20s, and it's that you, you're just starting to date somebody and things are getting sexual and it's hot and heavy.

6:15 Yeah. And it's that intense moment of- Yeah … this is actually gonna fucking happen, holy shit. It's like, um- Um, and so it's easy to just kinda drop everything and not think about anything else. Yeah. It's, it's like new relationship energy. You're, you're in that moment, right? It's the same. It's like new dick energy, new pussy energy. I call it horny brain. Or horny brain. Yeah. Like, it's either of that. Like, it's, it is what it is. Now, I understand it when my partner doesn't know that that's a boundary I don't… I, I, like, that's something that's gonna cause something with us. Like, he doesn't know. Um, and I understand that for my partner.

6:57 Um, I think everybody's relationship is different, but… And I'm not saying you don't care about your s- partner, but- I think if you knew that was a boundary, that boundary should be at the front forefront Well, so that's the hard part is- And if- … you know, if you're getting in, if you're in the moment- And you don't know and you're still, and you're still new to this, so you- Yeah … you're more or less going for the experiences and less for the connection of it. Yeah. Um, if that's the case, then all you're seeing is the moment, the heat, the everything enveloped with it. Yes. But you're not thinking about, oh, what does my spouse think about this?

7:38 Because that would take you stepping out of that- Which I can do … thorny area and looking back and thinking of something other than that. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? So which- So that's really hard to do … which, which I can do, but it, it's hard for other people. It's not, yeah, not everybody can. It's not e- yeah. Um- Uh, it, it, and so for me, it's taken a lot to, to get to that point because that's the way I used to be. Um- Yeah, but if you don't know, like for instance, say you do have a boundary, Zoya, that you did not know, like you didn't know that that was gonna cause… Like I did something and I didn't know that was gonna cause Adam to feel insignificant or, you know, whatever, um, any negative feeling. I like, you know, maybe Maybe somebody, you know, kissed me a little harder and he saw that or, you know, or something.

8:25 I, I said something to somebody and it triggered him and it was something that he didn't, he didn't like the way it sat. And that's, that… If he didn't know that, I'm understanding of him up- getting upset about it because he didn't know. You know, he didn't know he didn't want me to use those words or- Yeah … do that, do that, do that thing I do. Um, he's not really like that. I am the one who is like, "Uh, excuse me? You said what?" Yeah. "You did what?" Yeah, there's certain things that trigger you a bit more. That trigger me. Um, and that's just very the con- that's very the insecure, I'm less than feeling that I have. See, that's where- So … it's always difficult for us because we're on two different planes.

9:08 Yes. And for me, this lifestyle- Mm-hmm … should be about, um, I don't know, experiencing more of the yes than the no. Yes. Um, it- it's- Yeah … it's like absolutely let's try that experience. Let's do this. Yeah. Let's do that. Um- Not really looking at a boundary- Right because, because it's, it's an open, it's an open situation. Right. Yeah. Right. And, and, uh, y- you're on a different plane- Yes … in that you're looking to more or less satisfy a need for yourself, not necessarily a need, but you wanna be satisfied- A want, yeah … i- in, in, in this different way. Yeah. And experiencing some of these other stuff, you may like if you really were interested, but- Yeah that's not what you're here for.

9:51 And so we, w- both you and I are here for, like, different things. We are. And I, sometimes I wanna pull him back and sometimes he wants to push me forward. Yeah. So it's- Yeah, it's, it's, it's really- It's a lot of, a lot of give and take and- You know … tug of war … you have to kinda take the, um, the same pace as the slowest person. Y- yeah, and that's- Yeah … I mean, I'm, I'm catching up, I'm getting there, and I think it's just because, because of people like you that bring up questions like this that make us question our relationship dynamic sometimes, and we're like, "Okay." Um, so I mean, if you… I feel like maybe- Leave it open. Like, y'all two can talk and be like, "Look, we don't, we don't know if, you, you know, we don't like this until it happens, and we got, we gotta give each other a break."

10:39 I mean, you have to or you're never gonna grow from that. It's always gonna stay stagnant. It's always gonna stay in that one little moment. Um, so I say give yourself a little bit of a break in s- in the sense of don't be so hard on yourself. It's, it's okay. Um- And you know what? Uh, one thing just for my sake, uh, one thing that I ended up doing was my wife knows that I struggle with this. Yes. So she knows that I am not as good at saying no- Mm-hmm … uh, in certain situations- Mm-hmm … especially, uh, sexual situations. And so she'll talk to me beforehand, and I'll, I'll tell her, "Look, you know, if you see, you know, me reaching this level- Mm-hmm … or if you see this or that, just keep an eye out for me, and if you need to, come step in."

11:29 Uh, because it's easier for her to come in and go, "Hey, honey, I need you over here," and then I have an out, and it's like- Yeah … "Okay, uh, sorry, I gotta go. My wife's calling me." Yeah. Um, so I know maybe in the moment it, it's hard for you to say no, and, you know, things will happen. But if you have maybe an agreement between you and your spouse, and your spouse knows that this is an issue for you, that there should be a way for you to look at them or get their attention and have them step in- Yeah so that you're not the one saying no, so you don't feel bad in, in, you know, chopping off somebody's good time. Yeah. And you can basically say, "I'm sorry, but my husband needs me," and, and, and that's your out, you know?

12:12 And, um- That's a way to do it … that's a really good way to do it. Um, and also if y'all are all playing, say y'all are all in the in the room, right? And you're doing, w- say you're having a full swap, right? And your husband, like I hope your husband listens to this, it's okay for you to step in. It's okay for, if you see something in the moment and you don't like it, it's okay for you to, you know, figure out a way to get to your partner to, like, take control of the situation. Yeah, it took a lot of- Like … conversations for us to reach that point with each other. It, it did because I know if I don't like him saying something, I ha- we, he has been full in penetration to somebody else, said something, and I looked at him like I was gonna kill him and I was like, "What did you just say?"

12:59 I have. True. Um, and we've been there- True … in the bed, I'm like, "Excuse me, no, you don't use those words." And it's, it's b- why? Because it's just me. That's just me. And it didn't turn into something big because he knew where I was coming from, and it may sound, like, ridiculous to him, he knows me. Yeah. You know? Yeah. So I hope that y'all are, I hope both of y'all are listening and I hope that y'all understand to, one, give yourselves a little bit of a, a little bit of a break. Um, figure out If you don't want X to happen- The conversations, the hypotheticals. Yes. Have, you have to. Uh, see and that's where we've always had it good is that- Yes I am, I am an over thinker and I am always with the hypothetical.

13:42 Yes. So any time we're in the car for more than 10 minutes I'm asking her, "So what would you do if, uh- Yeah … this happened?" And believe me, a lot of the times were negatives or like, "Uh, no. That's not gonna happen. Uh, no. That's not gonna happen." Yeah. And it was a lot of that. Um, I'm, I'm nicer now. Things do happen. And, you know, a lot changes when you h- come up with a hypothetical- Yes … and it's one thing, but then when it actually happens and you're in the moment, then it's something completely different. Mm-hmm. Uh, you know, that's what those conversations cover. Uh, you have those conversations fully with your, with your partner- Yeah … as much as possible. Uh, let them know that this is something that you very much don't want to have happen.

14:22 Like you, you need some assistance there. Yeah. Because you guys are a team. Uh- Yeah … you guys are in this together and if you're in this together, there's nothing wrong with r- uh, you know, having your spouse run a little defense. Like I said, I'm a very weak-ass person when it comes to certain things, so- He is- … we had- … the pussy makes him weak. Yeah, it does. It does. And so if the, if I know for a fact that, okay, yeah, so and so, I know I don't wanna play with this person or w- uh, so and so, yeah, I, I, I know they're gonna come onto me and I know I'm not gonna be able to say no. Uh, you know, so they know ahead of time and y- you know, as soon as she sees something going on she'll step in and she'll go- Yeah … "Hey." And, and it won't be anything rude.

15:02 It'll just be like- Yeah … " Hey, I'm sorry. I, I just need you right quick. We need to talk," and then once you're gone, that's your out and then it's like, "Okay, yeah, no. I'm sorry. We're, we're gonna have to stop there for tonight," or whatever. Yeah. Um, because in the beginning, uh, when I was going for experiences- You were not in the forefront of my head- Sorry. No … uh, for a lot of- No … a lot of that. No. Because I was interested in gaining these experiences, I was interested in, in seeing what this was like and this person- And that, those were arguments and that person. Oh, they were. They were arguments. They were. I was like, "Why am I not?" And h- And he would tell me, "Well, because I'm trying to experience this for me." And it took a lot of me trying to express to him what I was trying to say, and now, I think now we're on the same page.

15:46 Like, we understand each other. And, well, so now I have her in the forefront of my head for a good portion of stuff. I know where she lies on a lot of stuff. Uh, does that mean that- It does happen sometimes … something could happen? No. Yeah. You know, things happen. Uh, but for the most part, it's one of those things where I've… If, if it's come up in the past and we've had a discussion about it, an uncomfortable discussion about it, I've made mental note of it so that it doesn't come up again. Yes. Um, so if, if you guys aren't 100% clear on the different situations that could come up and how they should be answered or how they should go, um, and then you end up in this gray area where it happens- Mm-hmm … and you don't know how this is supposed to go, well, then you just have to go one way or the other.

16:42 And after the- afterwards, you have a debrief, you talk about it and go, "Okay, that wasn't a good thing." Yeah. " Roger that." "I didn't like it." " Won't happen again." You know, a- and both of y'all have to be understanding to it bec- and, and come at each other at a certain way because I've come at Adam before, like really like, "No, I don't fucking like that." And of course, the words I'm using are going to trigger something inside of him to make it seem like an argument, right? Yeah, because- So- … I don't like to be told like I'm a child … what to do. Yeah. So- And so that triggers me. Yeah. And that's where we end up, but we don't attack each other like that anymore. No. No. That's a lot. It's taken a while. It, it's taken a while to learn how to talk about it. And also, I wanted to let y'all know, celebrate… I know this was a bad thing, this was a question and you, and this was something that… Or a bad, not bad, but just a situation that came up for you guys.

17:30 But while you're in there, celebrate how much y'all love each other or trust each other to even do this lifestyle. Like, I know that things- Yeah … like this happen, but also celebrate that y'all are so super strong that you're here and you can have these conversations. Um, because there's a lot of, you know, a lot of- people who can't, who are in the lifestyle who cannot have these conversations. Like Yeah, you know, and that's the thing about it is if you're new and you're going for experiences- Mm-hmm a lot of us who start out new, we jump on the first thing that comes out. But slow, my friend, slow is a superpower. Slow, yes. And so if you can really, really take your time with, if somebody that you're interested in, you know, don't let it get to that point where you can, you know, let boundaries drop.

18:18 Build the anticipation. Yes. Uh, you know, have a, have a, have a few meets. Build up that, that heat with that sexy flirting and stuff like that. Yeah. Because, you know, if you rush into a random experience, it may not be the best. Uh- That's true … and then, and then you just, you just got a bad experience. Yeah. Yeah. You know? And, and, uh, so that's really, take your time with it. Like, it, you don't, you don't have to- Yeah … jump into anything. Because it's gonna, it's gonna be there. It is gonna be there. It's gonna be there. Yeah. It's, it's not, it's not, you know, it's, it's gonna be there. You got time. Yeah. But, you know- … it really comes down to just talk, talk, talk. Um, I think that's- Like, like Adam said, debrief each other.

19:00 Talk about everything. Give yourself some slack. Like, I understand repetitive behavior is not good, and as an adult you should know better. But also, give yourself a little bit of a break that if you didn't know, it was a boundary, and now you know. If it happens again Shame on you. So. And that's, that's really, uh, that's a good point there. You know, I- we are understanding to each other for mistakes. Mm-hmm. I mean, mistakes do happen. We're human beings, and you have to give each other slack on that. Um, but when a mistake happens and then it's discussed- Mm-hmm … uh, and everybody agrees that this is a solid boundary and that mistake shouldn't happen again- Mm-hmm uh, if it happens again, then that's kinda where you gotta take a beat and go, "Okay, I probably shouldn't be in this- Yeah … in this area here if that's gonna, you know, keep pushing the boundaries." Yeah.

19:58 Like, uh, just it's like an alcoholic going to a bar. It's just, eh, you know, we don't have to do that. Let's, let's not do that. Uh, anyways, uh, thank you Zoya for that one. We appreciate it. Okay, hold on. Before we get back into it, we have to talk about Snoozy. The love is all you need gummies. Yes. So these are THC and CBD intimacy gummies, and they're not just hype. They've got maca root and horny goat weed in them. Yeah. Actual natural aphrodisiacs. Yeah. Combined with Delta 9 THC and CBD to help you relax and get in the brown chicken, brown cow mood.

20:42 They're peach-flavored, vegan lab tested. Basically, they did everything right. Yeah. You just take one about 30 to 45 minutes before and just let it do its thing. We'll leave the rest to your imagination. Given our listeners, you probably don't need much imagination. Fair point. Check out Snoozy. The link is in the show notes. You're welcome. Okay, back to the show Now, also before we end this, uh, show here- Mm-hmm … was, uh, one person who reached out to me, this was on my TikTok. And she says, "I love you and your wife's messages about lifestyle.

21:23 My husband and I are very new to this and still exploring, but his likes and mine do not necessarily align all the time. How can we both participate in and enjoy this lifestyle, but we have different interests?" I think that's almost everybody in the lifestyle. I think you get this ha- Yeah … I think that's a 50/50 on the lifestyle. Um, couples that, couples that go in together, one usually likes something more different than the other. Um… You know, y- going into it, you assume that most couples are on the exact same level. Want the same thing. They do not. And it seemed like that in the beginning, um, for us.

22:04 Yeah. Because one of us wouldn't speak up on certain situations- Yeah … and one of us would, um, in different situations. Yeah You know? Um, and I, and then I started realizing more couples are like that. They appear like they want just this. Yeah. But if they had more in-depth conversations- Yeah … it would come across it, it's mismatched. It's mismatched. It's mismatched. I mean- It does happen … I say, so I am not into BDSM, for example. It's not my thing. I don't like to see that kind of pain, and I know it's not all pain, but I just don't like the whipping parts of it. Um, but that does not mean that I would not like to experience that with Adam.

22:46 Like, I would love to try it. Oh. Um, so Interesting So things like that, like, it, you're not always, um, going to align. But I feel like you should at least support. Like, that's top, like, support each other. Um- I'm bisexual. Adam is not bisexual. This is true. You know, we don't share that. He likes women, we share that. That is true. But we don't even like the same women. We don't even like the same kind of women. Yeah. We have different tastes, um, different likes, different wants. We are, we are, we are different people. Yeah. And that's, that's the funny thing is you and your partner, y'all have a lot in common, but as you can see, y'all probably don't have a lot in common.

23:30 Yeah. And that's really where you get to know each other, which is kinda cool in that retrospect, but it also makes it really difficult. So you really wanna sit down and explore both, from both sides w- w- what do I wanna get out of my experiences here? Yeah. W- what are the, the experiences that I wanna find? Um, and both of you just be honest with what you're looking for as a person, not what are we looking for. Yeah. What am I looking for? And- What am I hoping for? Yeah. And, and with that, um, I forgot what I was gonna say. Hell yeah. I love it. I know what she's looking for. Her last thought.

24:11 Yeah, you like that? That's good. That's good. Yeah, no, I mean, that's really what it comes down to though is figuring out what it is that you're looking for in this lifestyle journey. But, you know, are you just looking for non-monogamy 100%? Yeah, 'cause I was gonna say, so- Are you- … I mean, is it a bad thing that they don't have the same things in common? Like, like- No, I don't think so at all … like the way- It's just how do you navigate it really. It's, I mean… And it just comes down to communicating. It really does. And it's, uh, it's the lamest- God … it's the lamest answer, I know. Like, like- I wish I could tell you get on this app- Like- … and swipe left and blah, blah, blah it's that, but it's that easy. It really is. It is that easy. It's, um, it's expressing to your partner.

24:52 It's, and it's super uncomfortable. It's that easy, but it's not that easy. It is so uncomfortable. But it's like, hey, you know, um- I, I don't like this, and I know that you do. I feel like we should figure out a way to kinda be in the middle of that and figure it out, you know? Um, for instance, instance, let me tell you, I do not wanna s- I don't wanna do the poly thing again. Like, it's not… It wasn't for me. I don't like that title. I don't like that label. It's just not a thing for me. But mister here loves it, right? So, what I… You know, we had to meet. I was like, "Okay, fine. We- we're doing the swinger thing." He's like, "Well, I really like the connection. I wanna be, like, friends with benefits." Yeah, I was so.

25:36 And it's like, "Okay, fine. You're friends with benefits, whatevs." I gave that to him, right? And so that's how… You have to, like, I don't know. She gave it to me, guys. I did. You have to tug and pull. Oh, wait, no, it's give and take. My bad, not tug and pull. That would be just you taking and taking. It is tug and pull. It is tug and pull, yeah. That was not a Freudian slip. You know, it is difficult. You know, and I- It is … I'll tell you, man, it is, it is hard damn work doing the lifestyle with this woman sometimes. Because, um, you know, it's, it's very easy to say, "Hey, let's- you should really be free to do whatever it is you wanna do." No.

26:17 "But, bitch, you better stay your ass home." That's right. What the fuck? That's what, that's what she says to me. No. Like, no. You know- Links in the help me- … I have a superpower … in my eyes. And I use it to the point where I c- don't have to use it anymore. When I'm exhausted of using it. See, this is… And, and so this is our form of communication, guys. Now, we do have… Now, don't get me wrong, we do have our serious conversations. We, we have our serious and uncomfortable conversations. We do. And the funny thing is, is it still sounds like this- … because this is how we cope with our nervousness is, is- Scared. I get very scared of her because she's gonna kill me, and so I get very comedic.

26:57 Because let me tell you something, somebody laughing is a lot harder to chase you, and I am not a good runner. I gotta tell… I, I gotta make her laugh before I go. Uh, so that, that takes a lot. But- Baby, I would never kill you … No, no. No, you, no. Never. Not to my face, no. I would never. I wouldn't see it coming. Guys, I would never. I would not see it coming. I do not look good in the jail cell. I- I am meant… And I was telling you this because- Orange is not the new black … I for sure would be caught, 'cause I would be gloating, so. That's true. That's true. So no, I'm not gonna kill him. I like him. She'd be dragging me by the leg. I miss- "I carry with him in my pocket."

27:39 Oh my. I'm interested to just sit here and make your just, your life miserable. No way. But also happy. Are you kidding me? You make me very happy. You make me very happy. No, I'm serious. I know. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not… Being serious, girl. You make me very, very happy. Um, you challenge me- Yes … in ways that I never thought I would be challenged. I understand. Um, and that is- … it's f- it's a fun way to try and navigate… It- it's, it's, there's no way… I mean, dementia runs in my family. There's no way I'm gonna get early onset dementia, because the thinking that I have to do when I have to tell you something that I wanna express to you, and it's a lot of tap dancing.

28:19 Like- Oh my God … I'm like Gregory Hines, man. It is like- Ta-tap, ta-tap, ta-tap, ta-tap … Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. That's me. And then you landed on me, and it's still not a good time. No. No way. No way. It normally takes- I feel for you … a couple weeks. I mean, and that's what I tell everybody, you have put in the work. Yeah. The dude has put in the work. I mean, I gotta give it to him. He deserves a gold star. Somebody get him a gold star- … because this, this boy right here- Oh, good boy … has, he has put in the work. He's a good boy. Um, and that's why he is allowed to have female companions. Wow. And they said I was man's best friend. Well- Yeah … you're a woman's best friend.

29:01 And even then, only one woman. Yeah. Yeah. I can't be best friends with other womans. Oh, that was a joke. See, that's the, that's the look if you're not watching You're gonna edit that, right? That's the look she gives me when she's gonna kill me. But I'm not scared. I know that, uh, I love you forever and ever. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Anyways, uh, to our- So yes, to our- … our listener who, uh, who sent that question. Yeah. W- it's okay. It's okay to have- It's okay … different likes. Mm-hmm. It's okay to be on different planes- Mm-hmm … um, as long as you're vocal about it. Don't put yourself in a corner to satisfy your spouse. I've done that. You're both in this together.

29:42 We both have done this. Yeah. Don't do that. Yeah. No. Don't do that. You're, you're just, your feelings are just as important as his- Mm-hmm … and his feelings are just as important as yours. Mm-hmm. And your wants and your needs and what you're looking to get out of this- Are just- Uh, they're ex- They're just as important Yeah Like, it, it's, it's, um, it's okay. And I know sometimes it could be har- it could be hard. Like, it could sting. You don't know what it is, right? And it may make you feel a certain way. Discuss that with your partner. Um, you should be able to have any type of conversation any time with your partner. Like, make yourself a little safe time and be like, "Hey, I really have to have this conversation with you.

30:22 This is making me feel a certain way. You know, we're not matching. Something's going on. What is it?" Like, talk. Yeah, absolutely. I, I, I couldn't have said it better myself, actually. That's, I mean, that's really what it comes down to is the big word. Thank you, weed. Talk. That's right. Talk. Uh, that's what it comes down to. And, and, you know, that, uh, that's the hard truth about it. And once you get used to having these uncomfortable conversations, really, there's nothing harder than that. Everything else is easier after that. Yeah. Talk about finance is pretty easy. You know? You gotta talk about this or that, it, it's easy. Mm-hmm. Because you guys just had the really, really difficult conversation of what you actually want out of this with no hurt feelings.

31:06 Yeah. Like, that's, that's tough. It's tough to navigate. And if, um, you know, if you have more of these kind of like conversations with them, it makes- It makes your life down… It makes your lifestyle much easier to navigate after that. Yeah. Um, it took a lot for me to have honest conversations with Adam, and then something just snapped, and I'm like, "All right, this is what I'm gonna say." Yeah, and then she was really honest. Yeah. But, you know, it made it easy for me because there was a lot that she wasn't telling me that I would just assume- Mm-hmm because, uh, she wasn't telling me otherwise, you know? Um, a good example is when people reach out to me who show interest in my wife and they're like, "Hey, you know, is it okay if I contact her?" Or, "Is it okay if I take her out?" Or whatever.

31:51 I know what her type is. Um, and I know whether somebody's gonna work out, whether it's somebody that, uh, she's interested in. Mm-hmm. There's been times where she's like, "I don't have time to set something up. Can you set something up so that, uh, you know, we can have some fun?" And then I will. Well, we don't like the same type of person, so that wouldn't be a good experience. And then I'd be like, "Well, why… You told me to set it up and now you're telling me that you're not interested." Like- Get it right … what the hell, you know? Uh, it took a lot of learning of what she liked and what she didn't like. Mm-hmm. Um, and now this is one of the reasons why we also play separately. Mm-hmm. Uh, and we entertain friends with benefits separately because, uh, you know, the… it's not our preference.

32:36 Our preference is together and, and we much prefer that. But, uh, as you can see, our likes are different just like y'all's likes and, and wants are, are different. And so for us it's like, well, I don't wanna hold you back from having a good experience. She doesn't wanna hold me back- Mm-hmm … from having a fun experience. So we just do our thing. And like I said, it doesn't happen very often, but we have that ability. Mm-hmm. And it's kinda nice. It is very nice. It is very nice. So anyways, that's our quickie for today. Thank you both for your honesty. We hope that this helped even a little bit. Everything lives at beyond-monogamy.com, episodes, show notes, and yes, leave us your own voicemail.

33:18 It might just become the next episode. And while you're on that site, don't sleep on it, our 100% anonymous confessional. There's no login, no name, no receipts, just a place to say the thing that you can't say out loud to anyone else. It's there waiting for you at beyond-monogamy.com. Yeah. And if this one hit home, share it. Text it to your partner. Leave us a five-star review on Apple Podcasts or YouTube or Spotify. Tell us what you got out of it. You know, there's always a common area. Mm-hmm. I'm always curious. That's how this show keeps growing, and it keeps finding the people who need it. And for even more lifestyle content, come find us on fullswapradio.com.

33:59 Live every Thursday at 2:00 PM and 7:00 PM Central. Good people, real talk, all lifestyle. Now, events. Crazy Winter Nights 2027 in Kansas City, February 19th through the 21st of 2027. Use code BEOMONO at checkout. Save some money. Don't sleep on it. We will be there. And locally, Beyond Monogamy at Eden in San Antonio on June 20th at 9:00 PM Central. We wanna see you there. Just a heads up, Club Eden requires a membership to attend, guys. So make sure you get on that. Take care of it beforehand. You can even rent a couch, a little table, all that good stuff. Mm-hmm. There's content rooms.

34:40 They're awesome. So you can find all the details to, at beyond-monogamy.com. And also guys, we are going to be in New Orleans in July. Oh, yeah. We are attending the world's largest lifestyle event. It is called Naughty N'Awlins. It is from July 8th up to the 14th, and they take over the French Quarter. Um, Astor Hotel is a big provider of pretty much where, um, a lot of the events are happening. So guys, if you need something to do in the summer, come with us and check this place out because we're gonna have a booth.

35:22 Yeah. We're gonna be doing the show live. That's right. Um, we're gonna have some… What else are we gonna have? We're gonna have some giveaways. We'll have some giveaways. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so yeah, guys, if y'all wanna see us, come check it out. Plus, we will be having sex out there because- Yes. Yes, we will you can't go to… I mean, this is 4,000 swingers. I told her today, I was like, "Hey, you know- "… if you can't find, uh, even one person, then you need to figure out what's wrong with you." He did. He did. So y'all come out to Naughty N'Awlins in, in July, and we'll have all the information in the event tab, right? Yeah, yeah. All right. Woo. We'll have it in there, absolutely. I'll work on that right now.

36:03 And with that, we thank you all for joining us for another episode, and we will see you guys next week. Bye.