Swinging Reality Check: What Nobody Warns You About in the Lifestyle

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Alright y'all, before we
dive in, a quick heads up.

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This show is raw, real, and
definitely not rated pg.

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We're talking about adult themes, sexual
content, and the kind of stuff you

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probably don't want blasting through your
speakers at work or around your kits.

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So grab some headphones, pour your
drink of choice and get comfy.

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Oh, and just so we're clear, we are not
licensed therapists, counselors, or sex.

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Couches.

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Sex coaches.

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Sex coaches,

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not sex couches

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or just a couple of people sharing our
lives, experiences and sexy adventures.

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An ethical non-monogamy.

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So with that, pull up a
chair and enjoy the show.

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And.

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Hello and welcome to another
episode of Beyond Monogamy.

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I'm Adam.

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And I'm Pris.

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And today we're talking about what nobody
warns you about when you start swinging.

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I think.

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I think we all know.

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I think we know, but we may not

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only, yeah.

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Yes.

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And when we say nobody, we mean nobody.

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Nobody.

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Not your friends, not your
internet, not the people who

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make it look effortless like us.

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So if you're new, or even if you've
been doing this for a while, you're

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probably gonna feel very seen.

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Well, anyways, before we jump in.

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Make sure you follow the show guys.

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Make sure you follow the show.

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Share it with someone you trust and
leave us a review because that really

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helps us, the people need to find us.

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Yes,

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they like conversations like this.

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So

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they're important guys,

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help us help you.

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Oh gosh, I hope Jerry McGuire
doesn't sue me for that one.

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Yeah, I totally took that from that movie.

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Okay, so we're gonna jump right into this.

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Let's talk fantasy versus reality.

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Now, I had somebody, uh, I did a,
I did a, a TikTok live one day and

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somebody had mentioned, Hey, can you
talk about fantasy versus reality

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when it comes to the lifestyle?

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And I said, you know, I actually
did some content on that, and

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I referred them back to it.

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Fantasy versus reality.

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I think a bunch of new people that
come in have this fantasy about

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what it's like to be swingers.

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Um, yeah, we've all seen, the,

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yeah.

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Kind of the setup scenes on
porno and stuff like that.

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Yeah.

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It just looks incredible.

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Yeah.

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Um,

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well, I mean, fantasy is very hot.

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Yeah.

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The reality not so hot.

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Yeah.

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There's lots of different layers to that.

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Yeah.

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Well, you know what, I had
one guy say to me, he said, I

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feel like I don't wanna talk.

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Like you keep telling me that, that we
have to communicate and we gotta talk

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about our feelings and stuff like that.

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He said, I don't wanna do that.

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I just wanna have sex.

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Oh,

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I just wanna have sex with people.

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I don't wanna do that.

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That's the reality of it.

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You have to talk.

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Yeah.

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You have to talk.

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Yeah.

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Now, I'm sure that there are people in
this community who will share that with

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you as far as, well, I don't feel like
talking, let's just get down to it.

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Mm-hmm.

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Uh, there are transactional people in
this community, and I think that's,

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there, there is a pot for every lid.

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Yeah.

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But there are a lot of us
a large portion of us that,

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communication is where it's at.

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Yes.

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And I think it's healthier.

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Yeah.

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Communication's healthier, so Absolutely.

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Yeah.

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Totally agree with that.

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Yeah.

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You know, I mean, why

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are you staring at me?

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Like, I'm sorry.

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You're pretty, I like to look at pretty
girls you know, there are emotions

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that come with sex, whether you can
separate sex and love, it doesn't matter.

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There are still feels,

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yeah.

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There are still things that you got that
maybe you haven't felt before that all

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of a sudden these things are arising.

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And if you don't know how to talk about

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what you do is you push 'em down, guys.

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You push 'em down?

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No, don't listen to her.

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You don't, you talk to your spouse,

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don't you?

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Don't you just push 'em down guys,

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this is like, this is like the, uh, the
angel and the devil on your shoulder.

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Yeah.

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Push

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them down.

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Listen to me guys, even though I'm
wearing red, I'm not the devil.

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I promise you, you wanna talk
to, you wanna communicate.

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Yeah.

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Emotional whiplash.

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Now,

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obviously, if you're single, I
think communication, you don't have

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to communicate with a partner, but
you still gotta communicate with

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the people you wanna play with.

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Yeah.

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You know?

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Yeah.

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I dunno.

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I mean, you're gonna
find your people, right?

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But I, I he is very right.

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Communication is very a big thing.

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Um, and

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that's the reality of it.

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That is definitely the reality of

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it.

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And it can take the sexiness away.

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Guys, I'm sorry.

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I hate to be the

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bearer of bad news.

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Don't let y'all are adults.

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Like we're all adults.

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Don't let it take the sexiness.

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You know, like it's, think of it as.

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They're gonna tell you everything you
want to know and how they're feeling,

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and it's gonna be so invigorating.

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Now, if you're the person
talking about it, it's hard.

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But you got this, man.

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Yeah,

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I got your back.

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Yeah.

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Well, you know, I mean, like I said,
communication is not very sexy.

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Um, and a large portion of it,
the reality of it is that's what a

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lot of this is, is communication.

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Mm-hmm.

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Now let's continue talking
about fantasy versus reality.

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A lot of people seem to think that
you can walk into a club or a house

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party, and the fantasy is what
they've seen in a Cinemax movie.

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It is not like that.

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You know, these tall leggy, beautiful
modelesque people, everybody is top-notch,

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high quality hotness, uh, everybody's
scantily clad and just, it's a free for

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all orgy, whatever the experience is.

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Let me.

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Pump the brakes for you.

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It is definitely like that.

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That is not realistic at all.

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No guys.

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Not realistic at all.

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No.

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Uh, and a lot of people come in with
those expectations and as soon as you go

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to your first house, house party mm-hmm.

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You can be very, very disappointed.

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I think it's very intimidating
for a lot of women.

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You think so?

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I do.

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Um, and I say this because we are the
ones that are usually dressed very,

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we get very insecure,
more so than the guys.

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Y'all are fully dressed

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well.

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So we are fully dressed

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and I know y'all get insecure.

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I'm not saying that y'all don't.

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I In the guy in defense,
let me tell you something.

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Y'all are more when it's, when
it's party time, like when it's

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in defense of my guy is here.

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Okay, go

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ahead.

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Under understand that
we may be fully dressed.

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Mm-hmm.

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But you have your pick of the litter.

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As a guy, it doesn't
matter what we look like.

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I mean, it doesn't matter
what we smell like.

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It doesn't matter what we
do to get in your face.

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Yeah.

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We will either be chosen
by you or we won't.

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Yeah.

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You know what I mean?

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There's that, that old saying
that men, uh, what is it?

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Women.

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Women, fuck who they want.

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Men fuck who they can.

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Yeah.

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You know what I mean?

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Yeah.

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So you can choose to play with whoever
you want and it doesn't matter what you

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look like, believe it or not, ladies,
and I know some of you are probably

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rolling your eyes, you're probably
thinking, yeah, this guy's full of crap.

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Uh, I haven't had anybody hit on me.

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Chances are you have had somebody
hit on you, but maybe you

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didn't find them attractive.

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Uh, you know, the fact is it really
doesn't matter what you look like.

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If you have the genitalia of a
woman, a lot of these guys are

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gonna go for you in this lifestyle.

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Now they're not gonna be quality guys.

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Yeah.

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Most of the time.

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Yeah.

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But realistically, you have your
pick you can choose to have sex

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with whoever you have available.

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You know, whoever comes popping up.

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Whereas most men have to walk home
alone because maybe they got overlooked.

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You know what I mean?

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So, yeah.

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You know, I, I get that, uh, women have a
lot of pressure to, to look a certain way.

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Mm-hmm.

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And chances are their, their
body is showing a lot more

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than men and stuff like that.

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But it's almost like the natural balance
of things because where women are

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insecure about that men are insignificant.

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Yeah.

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And most women want other women.

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Yeah.

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So not only are we competing with each
other, we're competing with other women.

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That's hard.

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That's what she said.

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Ah,

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Boom.

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Oh.

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So yeah the fantasy of this incredible
party, this incredible, uh, scenery.

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Mm-hmm.

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You know, what, what your expectations
are because you have these fantasies,

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the reality of it is that it is not that.

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Now as you make connections, as
you talk to people, you're gonna

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notice there are attractive people.

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They're not perfect
because nobody's perfect.

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But there are attractive people out there.

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Yeah.

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And, and you're gonna be like, whoa.

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That's what I was looking for.

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And then the moment you go up to 'em,
they're not even gonna look twice at you.

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And that's, that's reality.

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Let's, I'm just, I'm, I'm just serving
you guys up some real, that's all it is.

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That's very real.

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That's very real

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reality.

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Should making fun of me.

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No, you, you're, you're right.

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It's, um, you're gonna
see them and be like, Ooh.

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Yeah.

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And then, nah, they're
gonna give you time of day.

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Yeah.

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It's really, it's expectations
versus experience.

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Yeah.

260
00:08:54,213 --> 00:08:54,313
You know?

261
00:08:54,978 --> 00:08:58,488
You have this expectation going
in now, this is why I'm always

262
00:08:58,488 --> 00:09:01,668
nervous whenever I go to something
and it's the very first time.

263
00:09:01,768 --> 00:09:04,708
I was extremely nervous the first
time going to a brand new club.

264
00:09:04,888 --> 00:09:04,978
Mm-hmm.

265
00:09:05,218 --> 00:09:08,098
I'm extremely nervous for the
first time going to a house party.

266
00:09:08,128 --> 00:09:08,218
Mm-hmm.

267
00:09:08,458 --> 00:09:10,708
Because I don't know what to expect.

268
00:09:11,488 --> 00:09:15,358
And if I don't know what to expect,
I don't want to have these convoluted

269
00:09:15,358 --> 00:09:21,658
expectations in my head just to show up
and be disappointed or anything like that.

270
00:09:21,748 --> 00:09:22,078
Yeah.

271
00:09:22,258 --> 00:09:27,598
Uh, so it's that anxiety of not knowing
and then I go through it and I've done

272
00:09:27,598 --> 00:09:29,938
it, and then after that I have no anxiety.

273
00:09:30,748 --> 00:09:30,988
I'm good.

274
00:09:30,988 --> 00:09:31,078
It's

275
00:09:31,078 --> 00:09:31,408
gone.

276
00:09:31,498 --> 00:09:31,948
That's right.

277
00:09:32,483 --> 00:09:35,508
But, you know, I really go through
this without trying to have any

278
00:09:35,508 --> 00:09:37,098
expectations because of that.

279
00:09:37,398 --> 00:09:37,728
Yeah.

280
00:09:37,828 --> 00:09:42,238
You know, that whole rule of fantasy
versus reality the fantasy of it is that.

281
00:09:42,733 --> 00:09:46,393
You're gonna go into a house
party and you're gonna bang it

282
00:09:46,393 --> 00:09:47,863
out with some really hot people.

283
00:09:47,893 --> 00:09:47,983
Mm-hmm.

284
00:09:48,223 --> 00:09:51,403
The reality of it is you're probably
gonna go into a house party.

285
00:09:51,403 --> 00:09:53,893
You're gonna, people watch for a
little while, you'll shake hands with

286
00:09:53,893 --> 00:09:57,673
a couple people, probably eat a few
slices of cheese, tell your wife,

287
00:09:57,673 --> 00:10:00,553
Hey, you know, you want to go get
some, uh, hamburgers and go home.

288
00:10:00,793 --> 00:10:01,663
Yeah, let's do that.

289
00:10:02,203 --> 00:10:02,983
That's fun guys.

290
00:10:02,983 --> 00:10:04,093
And that's reality.

291
00:10:04,153 --> 00:10:04,243
Yeah.

292
00:10:04,243 --> 00:10:06,313
And I know that's reality
because that's our reality.

293
00:10:07,033 --> 00:10:07,423
Oftentimes.

294
00:10:07,903 --> 00:10:09,853
Of course we don't leave without
at least playing with each other.

295
00:10:09,913 --> 00:10:10,003
Yeah,

296
00:10:10,273 --> 00:10:10,693
that's right.

297
00:10:11,083 --> 00:10:13,183
Uh, but that really is
what it comes down to.

298
00:10:13,183 --> 00:10:15,533
Expectation versus experience.

299
00:10:15,593 --> 00:10:15,773
Yeah.

300
00:10:15,803 --> 00:10:18,743
Your experience is gonna be very
different from your expectations

301
00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:21,083
that very different,

302
00:10:21,743 --> 00:10:23,003
very different rent.

303
00:10:23,783 --> 00:10:24,323
Lemme tell you.

304
00:10:24,823 --> 00:10:27,493
So I'm just saying keep that in your mind.

305
00:10:28,003 --> 00:10:28,573
It's there.

306
00:10:28,663 --> 00:10:29,173
That's right.

307
00:10:29,673 --> 00:10:30,333
Moving on.

308
00:10:31,203 --> 00:10:33,483
Jealousy is sneaky.

309
00:10:34,318 --> 00:10:36,028
Jealousy is, I'm,

310
00:10:36,388 --> 00:10:37,348
I always have jealousy.

311
00:10:37,438 --> 00:10:38,638
It's not sneaking up on me.

312
00:10:39,388 --> 00:10:40,708
It really depends on the person you are.

313
00:10:40,888 --> 00:10:42,298
That little bitch stays there.

314
00:10:42,798 --> 00:10:46,638
Uh, no, actually I've had jealousy from
you come out like days later before,

315
00:10:46,858 --> 00:10:48,328
I know, but it's there immediately.

316
00:10:48,328 --> 00:10:49,258
I just don't let it out.

317
00:10:49,318 --> 00:10:50,848
Well, sometimes you don't realize it.

318
00:10:50,848 --> 00:10:52,138
Like if it's a subtle thing

319
00:10:52,528 --> 00:10:52,678
Yeah.

320
00:10:52,708 --> 00:10:55,138
You don't realize it in the
moment and then like a day or

321
00:10:55,138 --> 00:10:57,118
two later you're like, huh.

322
00:10:57,628 --> 00:10:58,438
Yeah.

323
00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:00,173
It does take a little bit, but

324
00:11:00,743 --> 00:11:05,453
uh, but you are a fantastic because your
jealousy is usually quite immediate.

325
00:11:05,813 --> 00:11:06,113
Yeah.

326
00:11:06,383 --> 00:11:08,093
It usually is quite immediate in the

327
00:11:08,093 --> 00:11:08,333
moment.

328
00:11:08,333 --> 00:11:11,243
I am a very, if you don't
know, you're gonna know I am a

329
00:11:11,268 --> 00:11:11,588
mm-hmm.

330
00:11:11,673 --> 00:11:14,183
Very jealous person.

331
00:11:14,278 --> 00:11:14,628
Uhhuh,

332
00:11:15,128 --> 00:11:17,078
there's nothing that's
gonna change about that.

333
00:11:17,078 --> 00:11:19,148
That's just the way I am built and

334
00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:19,703
I'm gonna accept it.

335
00:11:19,808 --> 00:11:20,468
I am,

336
00:11:21,278 --> 00:11:22,538
don't cry for me, Argentina.

337
00:11:23,038 --> 00:11:25,153
The truth is, I never left you.

338
00:11:25,303 --> 00:11:25,573
Yeah.

339
00:11:25,633 --> 00:11:28,903
I'm a, yeah, no, I'm a very jealous
person, and so it doesn't sneak up on me.

340
00:11:29,003 --> 00:11:31,283
But it's not always
immediate for some people.

341
00:11:31,283 --> 00:11:32,633
It like, you know, you're right.

342
00:11:32,638 --> 00:11:34,358
It does take me sometimes a little bit.

343
00:11:34,358 --> 00:11:36,968
And it hits later, and then I'm like, Ugh.

344
00:11:37,468 --> 00:11:39,418
I don't normally get jealous.

345
00:11:39,418 --> 00:11:42,658
But when I do it's usually immediate.

346
00:11:43,158 --> 00:11:44,238
It's usually immediate.

347
00:11:44,598 --> 00:11:45,053
It's, it's immediate.

348
00:11:45,123 --> 00:11:45,613
It's usually immediate.

349
00:11:45,753 --> 00:11:47,718
And it's very cutesy.

350
00:11:48,288 --> 00:11:49,788
It doesn't happen very often.

351
00:11:49,788 --> 00:11:49,998
No.

352
00:11:49,998 --> 00:11:54,758
But when it does happen, usually in the
moment, it's, yeah, it's immediate and it

353
00:11:54,938 --> 00:11:57,278
doesn't manifest itself in an ugly way.

354
00:11:57,458 --> 00:11:57,698
Yeah.

355
00:11:57,733 --> 00:11:59,138
Um, it's normally like

356
00:11:59,168 --> 00:11:59,648
now

357
00:11:59,648 --> 00:12:00,518
Nudge, wink, wink.

358
00:12:00,518 --> 00:12:01,223
What were you doing

359
00:12:01,603 --> 00:12:01,823
now?

360
00:12:01,823 --> 00:12:02,343
I Why

361
00:12:02,343 --> 00:12:02,978
were you doing that?

362
00:12:03,398 --> 00:12:03,878
Yeah.

363
00:12:03,878 --> 00:12:08,988
I was gonna ask you, I remember
you, um, when we were poly

364
00:12:09,398 --> 00:12:12,368
and you would get jealous.

365
00:12:12,868 --> 00:12:14,548
About other people,

366
00:12:15,048 --> 00:12:15,138
Uhhuh.

367
00:12:15,708 --> 00:12:18,078
And I would be like,
what the hell are you?

368
00:12:18,078 --> 00:12:20,058
Why are you getting
jealous about that person?

369
00:12:20,058 --> 00:12:22,068
And you're not getting
jealous about my stuff.

370
00:12:22,068 --> 00:12:23,088
What, what is that about?

371
00:12:23,478 --> 00:12:27,878
And it never, I never understood
it and I actually don't understand.

372
00:12:27,878 --> 00:12:29,108
I don't need to understand it now.

373
00:12:29,108 --> 00:12:30,968
'cause that's never, it's, sorry.

374
00:12:31,178 --> 00:12:32,318
It's an insecurity thing.

375
00:12:32,818 --> 00:12:36,058
I've never been insecure
with our relationship ever.

376
00:12:36,158 --> 00:12:37,388
I've never doubted you.

377
00:12:37,388 --> 00:12:37,478
Mm-hmm.

378
00:12:37,748 --> 00:12:40,778
From the moment that we started
going together, this woman has been

379
00:12:40,778 --> 00:12:44,318
so loving and just all about me.

380
00:12:44,418 --> 00:12:46,638
That I've never doubted.

381
00:12:46,998 --> 00:12:47,928
I've never doubted you.

382
00:12:48,528 --> 00:12:53,658
And so because of the security
that I have in our relationship, it

383
00:12:53,663 --> 00:12:55,783
it, that insecurity never came up.

384
00:12:55,903 --> 00:12:57,553
So that's why I really don't get jealous.

385
00:12:58,183 --> 00:12:59,893
But why would you get
jealous of the other people?

386
00:12:59,923 --> 00:13:01,213
'
cause I didn't know
who the fuck they were.

387
00:13:01,713 --> 00:13:02,673
That's an insecurity.

388
00:13:02,733 --> 00:13:03,393
Absolutely.

389
00:13:03,753 --> 00:13:03,783
Oh

390
00:13:04,113 --> 00:13:04,383
yeah.

391
00:13:04,413 --> 00:13:04,623
Okay.

392
00:13:04,833 --> 00:13:05,703
But with you it's not.

393
00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:07,173
And it's never been.

394
00:13:08,013 --> 00:13:12,303
And really, I also the whole process
of being poly, the whole process

395
00:13:12,303 --> 00:13:15,693
of dating others and that whole
thing just felt very high school.

396
00:13:16,323 --> 00:13:16,413
Mm.

397
00:13:16,743 --> 00:13:17,913
Felt very high school.

398
00:13:17,943 --> 00:13:18,123
Yeah.

399
00:13:18,183 --> 00:13:19,803
And it triggered a lot of stuff for me.

400
00:13:19,803 --> 00:13:21,663
It made me feel like I
was back in high school.

401
00:13:21,668 --> 00:13:21,868
Yes.

402
00:13:21,993 --> 00:13:27,033
And I felt like, yeah, I was being judged
by the attractive girls in a negative way.

403
00:13:27,843 --> 00:13:31,023
And, uh, you know, I couldn't get
anybody to pay attention to me.

404
00:13:31,023 --> 00:13:35,823
Guys going back to fantasy versus
reality, just saying that's the reality.

405
00:13:36,373 --> 00:13:36,623
Polyamory.

406
00:13:36,648 --> 00:13:40,053
He did have women, but he just didn't
like the type of women that it was.

407
00:13:40,623 --> 00:13:41,373
I mean, it was okay.

408
00:13:41,373 --> 00:13:44,923
I had a I, I did, I, I dated, you
know, I, I had a girlfriend here

409
00:13:44,923 --> 00:13:49,363
and there, but, it was really,
that's, that's what it came down to.

410
00:13:49,368 --> 00:13:49,428
Okay.

411
00:13:49,428 --> 00:13:50,028
You know, I'm

412
00:13:50,028 --> 00:13:50,228
just asking

413
00:13:50,378 --> 00:13:50,668
Yeah.

414
00:13:51,133 --> 00:13:51,943
You can ask away.

415
00:13:51,943 --> 00:13:54,853
I, I don't, I don't get offended
by, I mean, that's what we do.

416
00:13:54,943 --> 00:13:55,663
We talk about it.

417
00:13:55,753 --> 00:13:56,023
Yeah.

418
00:13:56,123 --> 00:13:56,403
But it.

419
00:13:56,978 --> 00:14:00,428
Being poly was very, very
difficult for me in the fact that

420
00:14:00,428 --> 00:14:02,708
it just made me very insecure.

421
00:14:02,828 --> 00:14:03,128
Mm-hmm.

422
00:14:03,158 --> 00:14:03,248
Did

423
00:14:03,488 --> 00:14:05,438
very insecure in myself.

424
00:14:05,528 --> 00:14:05,918
It did.

425
00:14:05,968 --> 00:14:07,888
And I just felt like high
school all over again.

426
00:14:07,888 --> 00:14:07,978
Mm-hmm.

427
00:14:08,123 --> 00:14:08,698
I think I told you that.

428
00:14:08,703 --> 00:14:08,803
Mm-hmm.

429
00:14:08,803 --> 00:14:10,918
I don't know how many times I
was like, man, I feel like I'm

430
00:14:10,918 --> 00:14:11,818
in freaking high school again.

431
00:14:11,848 --> 00:14:12,058
Yeah.

432
00:14:12,548 --> 00:14:15,578
And I don't like it 'cause I didn't
like high school just saying.

433
00:14:16,328 --> 00:14:18,068
So anyway.

434
00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:18,818
Yeah.

435
00:14:18,848 --> 00:14:22,233
That's, uh, I did get a
little jealous back then.

436
00:14:22,233 --> 00:14:24,243
I, I don't get jealous very much.

437
00:14:24,293 --> 00:14:24,773
With you.

438
00:14:24,773 --> 00:14:28,598
There are occasional things that will
come up and I'll be like, uh, whatever.

439
00:14:29,078 --> 00:14:30,428
Oh, he was so funny.

440
00:14:30,428 --> 00:14:31,698
I'm like, ah, ha ha.

441
00:14:32,138 --> 00:14:33,308
No, he wasn't that funny.

442
00:14:33,308 --> 00:14:34,268
I mean, he said something that

443
00:14:34,268 --> 00:14:34,903
was, you don't get jealous about that.

444
00:14:35,138 --> 00:14:36,908
Begrudgingly Ha ha

445
00:14:36,908 --> 00:14:37,098
ha ha.

446
00:14:37,098 --> 00:14:39,068
You said You don't get
jealous about that anymore.

447
00:14:39,068 --> 00:14:39,998
You're like, eh, it's okay.

448
00:14:40,508 --> 00:14:41,738
I, it's been a while.

449
00:14:42,238 --> 00:14:42,808
What can I say?

450
00:14:42,808 --> 00:14:46,528
You haven't met too many funny
guys, and let's keep it that way.

451
00:14:46,533 --> 00:14:46,683
Mm-hmm.

452
00:14:47,128 --> 00:14:47,398
Yeah.

453
00:14:47,488 --> 00:14:49,518
Because you're my best audience, so, yeah.

454
00:14:50,218 --> 00:14:51,388
But I will say that that.

455
00:14:51,973 --> 00:14:53,263
Jealousy can be sneaky.

456
00:14:53,268 --> 00:14:53,308
Yeah.

457
00:14:53,323 --> 00:14:55,453
I have seen it, uh, in people sometimes.

458
00:14:55,453 --> 00:14:57,463
You want to process certain moments.

459
00:14:57,468 --> 00:14:58,628
Me, and it takes a little
You've seen while it

460
00:14:58,628 --> 00:14:59,298
on me for a long yeah.

461
00:14:59,298 --> 00:14:59,618
That's,

462
00:14:59,618 --> 00:14:59,738
yeah.

463
00:14:59,963 --> 00:15:02,813
And so it, it can be a little
sneaky, it can sneak up on you.

464
00:15:02,813 --> 00:15:07,173
And sometimes those conversations
between partners can sneak up on you.

465
00:15:07,173 --> 00:15:08,403
You gotta be prepared for it.

466
00:15:08,943 --> 00:15:09,558
You gotta be prepared

467
00:15:09,558 --> 00:15:09,758
for it.

468
00:15:09,798 --> 00:15:12,663
I, I always have to wait
and frame my questions,

469
00:15:12,933 --> 00:15:14,583
but you are very obvious to me.

470
00:15:14,583 --> 00:15:17,913
I can always tell when, uh,
when you're processing because

471
00:15:17,913 --> 00:15:19,143
you're completely quiet.

472
00:15:19,203 --> 00:15:20,223
You're spaced out.

473
00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:20,313
Yeah.

474
00:15:21,013 --> 00:15:21,973
And that is not you.

475
00:15:22,003 --> 00:15:22,063
No.

476
00:15:22,063 --> 00:15:23,143
That's not your personality.

477
00:15:23,143 --> 00:15:26,353
The only time you space out is
when there's a lot in your head.

478
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:27,908
And it's normally something heavy, man.

479
00:15:28,453 --> 00:15:31,743
And it's normally something
dealing with me is what it's, I

480
00:15:31,748 --> 00:15:36,538
can't help it, but, Hey, look, I
do a cute, shrug is forgiven guy.

481
00:15:36,988 --> 00:15:37,198
You're cute.

482
00:15:37,698 --> 00:15:39,888
No, you know, I, I mean, I, I get it.

483
00:15:40,308 --> 00:15:41,178
So anyways, yeah.

484
00:15:41,238 --> 00:15:43,308
Like I said, jealousy can be sneaky.

485
00:15:43,308 --> 00:15:44,358
It's not always the case though.

486
00:15:44,358 --> 00:15:46,908
I will say that because it's
not the case between us.

487
00:15:47,388 --> 00:15:49,458
Uh, it's, it's not what we do.

488
00:15:49,608 --> 00:15:49,938
No.

489
00:15:50,038 --> 00:15:50,338
Wait.

490
00:15:50,398 --> 00:15:52,828
The jealousy or the sneaky part?

491
00:15:52,828 --> 00:15:53,728
The sneaky part?

492
00:15:53,848 --> 00:15:55,078
No, the jealousy is there.

493
00:15:55,078 --> 00:15:56,248
I know the jealousy is there.

494
00:15:56,518 --> 00:15:57,088
Sorry.

495
00:15:57,808 --> 00:15:59,458
But I've, I have also learned how to,

496
00:16:00,418 --> 00:16:02,578
you have, how to, I think
you're really good at it.

497
00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:06,558
And I've learned to express myself better.

498
00:16:06,608 --> 00:16:06,878
Oh yeah.

499
00:16:06,938 --> 00:16:09,788
I do take a while to process things, so,

500
00:16:09,793 --> 00:16:09,953
mm-hmm.

501
00:16:10,583 --> 00:16:11,843
We will discuss it.

502
00:16:11,843 --> 00:16:17,723
I have to pick and choose my battles
because my jealousy is a major

503
00:16:17,723 --> 00:16:21,173
trigger for our relationship because

504
00:16:21,283 --> 00:16:21,613
yeah,

505
00:16:21,943 --> 00:16:25,873
it's very, and it's very, I'm not gonna
say toxic, because it is what it is.

506
00:16:25,873 --> 00:16:26,293
Man.

507
00:16:26,413 --> 00:16:27,343
That's not even the problem.

508
00:16:27,343 --> 00:16:30,133
It's, we both came from very jealous.

509
00:16:30,343 --> 00:16:30,823
Yeah.

510
00:16:30,853 --> 00:16:32,143
Previous relationships.

511
00:16:32,178 --> 00:16:32,518
And so,

512
00:16:32,923 --> 00:16:34,003
and we said we would never do that again.

513
00:16:34,063 --> 00:16:34,483
Yeah.

514
00:16:35,113 --> 00:16:36,553
But he understands how I am.

515
00:16:36,558 --> 00:16:40,693
So, um, and literally the only time that
we've ever broken up, it was for 24 hours

516
00:16:41,143 --> 00:16:42,613
and it was when we were first together.

517
00:16:42,793 --> 00:16:43,033
Yes.

518
00:16:43,033 --> 00:16:44,863
It's like a month in
maybe something like that.

519
00:16:44,893 --> 00:16:46,393
And it was a, it was over jealousy.

520
00:16:46,903 --> 00:16:49,993
And I was like, dude, I can't,
I, I, yeah, I've done that.

521
00:16:50,053 --> 00:16:50,743
I've been there.

522
00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:51,793
I'm not doing this anymore.

523
00:16:52,483 --> 00:16:55,063
And then 24 hours later we realized
we can't be away from each other.

524
00:16:55,063 --> 00:16:55,363
Yeah.

525
00:16:55,453 --> 00:16:56,113
So it didn't work.

526
00:16:56,173 --> 00:16:57,883
So I mean, he is how he is.

527
00:16:57,888 --> 00:16:57,968
Tell us.

528
00:16:57,988 --> 00:16:58,873
And I am, yeah.

529
00:16:58,873 --> 00:17:00,733
I mean, you are how you
are and I am how I am.

530
00:17:00,733 --> 00:17:00,883
And.

531
00:17:01,843 --> 00:17:02,083
We

532
00:17:02,083 --> 00:17:02,323
make it work.

533
00:17:02,323 --> 00:17:04,448
You gotta just learn to,
to deal with it, man.

534
00:17:04,478 --> 00:17:04,768
Yeah.

535
00:17:04,813 --> 00:17:05,473
We make it work.

536
00:17:05,533 --> 00:17:06,403
You gotta make it work.

537
00:17:06,553 --> 00:17:06,673
Yeah.

538
00:17:06,673 --> 00:17:09,403
If the pri, if the priority is
your relationship, you learn to

539
00:17:09,403 --> 00:17:11,833
make it work and you learn to,
you know, I don't know how many

540
00:17:11,833 --> 00:17:13,543
times we talked about getting on a

541
00:17:13,888 --> 00:17:15,058
level, navigating it and get Yeah.

542
00:17:15,058 --> 00:17:17,218
Getting on some sort
of compromising level.

543
00:17:17,278 --> 00:17:17,668
Yeah.

544
00:17:17,668 --> 00:17:21,208
You know, we both get what we
want and we both don't get what

545
00:17:21,208 --> 00:17:22,678
we want because we're here.

546
00:17:22,918 --> 00:17:22,978
Yeah.

547
00:17:22,978 --> 00:17:26,968
We're, we're, we're on the right
level where we can have that.

548
00:17:27,268 --> 00:17:27,538
Yeah.

549
00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:29,478
And then of course you've grown so much.

550
00:17:29,778 --> 00:17:29,958
Yeah.

551
00:17:29,958 --> 00:17:29,983
I have

552
00:17:29,983 --> 00:17:30,383
throughout

553
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:34,368
the, the years and just since we've had
the podcast, like, you've come a long way.

554
00:17:34,428 --> 00:17:35,508
I'm big girl now.

555
00:17:36,008 --> 00:17:36,698
I'm a big girl now.

556
00:17:36,698 --> 00:17:36,718
I can

557
00:17:37,148 --> 00:17:37,208
do

558
00:17:37,208 --> 00:17:37,628
this now.

559
00:17:37,718 --> 00:17:38,228
That's right.

560
00:17:38,228 --> 00:17:38,558
You are.

561
00:17:39,218 --> 00:17:39,938
I'm proud of you.

562
00:17:40,058 --> 00:17:40,718
I'm proud of you.

563
00:17:40,718 --> 00:17:41,468
I'm mega proud of you.

564
00:17:41,468 --> 00:17:44,318
I think you've done a, a, an amazing job.

565
00:17:44,318 --> 00:17:45,608
You've kept an open mind.

566
00:17:46,188 --> 00:17:47,718
You know, I didn't wanna be that guy.

567
00:17:47,718 --> 00:17:51,018
I didn't wanna be that husband that was
like, come on sweetheart, you can do this.

568
00:17:51,018 --> 00:17:52,788
Like coaching you to be.

569
00:17:53,288 --> 00:17:56,048
Non-monogamous, because to
me that seems like grooming.

570
00:17:56,318 --> 00:17:56,528
Yeah.

571
00:17:56,588 --> 00:17:59,408
Like if, if your partner doesn't
want to be non-monogamous and

572
00:17:59,408 --> 00:18:01,658
you do well, sorry for you.

573
00:18:01,658 --> 00:18:01,778
Yeah.

574
00:18:02,768 --> 00:18:07,688
Either you're gonna realize that your
relationship is your priority and you're

575
00:18:07,688 --> 00:18:09,188
gonna have to put that on the back end.

576
00:18:09,218 --> 00:18:09,338
Mm-hmm.

577
00:18:09,798 --> 00:18:12,438
Or your relationship isn't
your priority, and you say,

578
00:18:12,438 --> 00:18:13,458
okay, well I'll see you later.

579
00:18:13,458 --> 00:18:14,388
I'm gonna go live this life.

580
00:18:15,138 --> 00:18:16,158
I mean, those are your choices.

581
00:18:16,588 --> 00:18:19,138
But I always knew that, that
my wife was my priority.

582
00:18:19,358 --> 00:18:22,058
And so it was easy to make that decision.

583
00:18:22,558 --> 00:18:23,188
I like that.

584
00:18:23,968 --> 00:18:24,388
Yeah.

585
00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:25,138
You're so handsome.

586
00:18:25,138 --> 00:18:26,128
That's romantic.

587
00:18:27,028 --> 00:18:27,808
You're so romantic.

588
00:18:27,808 --> 00:18:28,558
That's romantic.

589
00:18:29,038 --> 00:18:34,408
Uh, now I wanted to get into this one
when rejection hits harder than expected.

590
00:18:34,888 --> 00:18:35,923
I, I hate rejection.

591
00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:37,213
I hate rejection.

592
00:18:37,483 --> 00:18:40,663
And, and people always tell me,
they're like, well, it's not rejection.

593
00:18:41,113 --> 00:18:41,893
Oh my gosh.

594
00:18:41,953 --> 00:18:44,263
Those people that know
everything about the lifestyle,

595
00:18:44,268 --> 00:18:44,458
it's

596
00:18:44,458 --> 00:18:44,778
rejection.

597
00:18:44,778 --> 00:18:45,673
It's not rejection.

598
00:18:45,853 --> 00:18:46,003
Yeah.

599
00:18:46,003 --> 00:18:50,383
You can't call it rejection
because blah, blah, blah, blah,

600
00:18:50,383 --> 00:18:50,458
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

601
00:18:50,958 --> 00:18:52,398
Today we're calling it rejection.

602
00:18:52,398 --> 00:18:53,178
We're calling it rejection.

603
00:18:53,178 --> 00:18:53,928
I'm sorry guys.

604
00:18:53,928 --> 00:18:56,928
I, I, I get what you and, and
I, I've heard your argument

605
00:18:56,928 --> 00:18:58,098
and, and, and it makes sense.

606
00:18:58,308 --> 00:18:58,518
Yeah,

607
00:18:58,578 --> 00:18:59,148
it makes sense.

608
00:18:59,148 --> 00:18:59,598
I get it.

609
00:18:59,598 --> 00:19:03,588
You know, I think, I think what they
say is it's not rejection because, it's

610
00:19:03,588 --> 00:19:07,838
one of those things where they don't
owe you, you know, it's like they,

611
00:19:08,078 --> 00:19:11,618
maybe it's a no right now, you know,
or maybe it's a maybe or whatever.

612
00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:14,708
You really shouldn't be trying, I
think people have said, you shouldn't

613
00:19:14,708 --> 00:19:16,178
be trying to sleep with other people.

614
00:19:16,178 --> 00:19:18,458
You should just be going
out and making connections.

615
00:19:18,848 --> 00:19:21,038
And it's like, well, you shouldn't
be telling people how they should

616
00:19:21,038 --> 00:19:22,628
be doing what they like to do.

617
00:19:22,778 --> 00:19:23,408
You'll tell me

618
00:19:23,408 --> 00:19:23,823
what to do.

619
00:19:23,948 --> 00:19:24,398
That's it.

620
00:19:24,898 --> 00:19:29,398
But I, I, I've heard it before
and I, and I'll hear it over

621
00:19:29,398 --> 00:19:30,538
and over again and hey, cool.

622
00:19:30,538 --> 00:19:31,708
But you know what, for me.

623
00:19:32,323 --> 00:19:33,223
It's a rejection.

624
00:19:33,943 --> 00:19:34,123
Mm-hmm.

625
00:19:34,124 --> 00:19:34,134
Mm-hmm.

626
00:19:34,213 --> 00:19:39,313
And whether it's a no right now
and a no forever or no, just for

627
00:19:39,313 --> 00:19:42,703
now, but maybe later, it's still a
rejection if it's, if you're being

628
00:19:42,703 --> 00:19:44,233
told in the moment it's a rejection.

629
00:19:44,263 --> 00:19:44,563
Yeah.

630
00:19:44,563 --> 00:19:44,773
It's, you know,

631
00:19:45,273 --> 00:19:47,343
I mean there's no,
there's no other way by,

632
00:19:47,343 --> 00:19:48,423
I don't like rejection.

633
00:19:48,513 --> 00:19:49,023
Oh no.

634
00:19:49,113 --> 00:19:51,483
And luckily you haven't
been rejected that often.

635
00:19:51,513 --> 00:19:52,233
I don't even try.

636
00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:53,163
'cause I don't wanna be rejected.

637
00:19:53,193 --> 00:19:55,113
Oh, that sounds like a
bunch of bullshit to me.

638
00:19:55,643 --> 00:19:57,353
So that's my line actually.

639
00:19:57,353 --> 00:19:58,403
Thank you very much.

640
00:19:58,403 --> 00:19:58,463
No,

641
00:19:58,973 --> 00:20:02,513
like I said, this was all very triggering
for me at the beginning because it felt

642
00:20:02,513 --> 00:20:07,023
like high school, you know, when we
first started as swingers, everybody

643
00:20:07,023 --> 00:20:10,203
wanted her and I got none of that.

644
00:20:10,383 --> 00:20:12,393
And now everybody wants
him and I get nothing.

645
00:20:12,598 --> 00:20:12,818
Oh.

646
00:20:13,383 --> 00:20:13,413
Oh.

647
00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:14,583
You hear the jealousy there.

648
00:20:14,583 --> 00:20:15,453
Did you guys hear it?

649
00:20:15,453 --> 00:20:15,603
Did you

650
00:20:16,103 --> 00:20:16,433
hear it?

651
00:20:16,438 --> 00:20:17,198
I hide it.

652
00:20:17,203 --> 00:20:18,143
It's not sneaky.

653
00:20:18,643 --> 00:20:18,693
Oh my gosh.

654
00:20:19,193 --> 00:20:20,933
I do not get a lot of the attention.

655
00:20:20,933 --> 00:20:21,743
That's not true.

656
00:20:21,803 --> 00:20:22,433
Okay.

657
00:20:22,523 --> 00:20:24,623
But I've gotten more attention
lately, which is kind of nice.

658
00:20:24,623 --> 00:20:25,163
Yeah.

659
00:20:25,663 --> 00:20:26,743
Go sleep with that one.

660
00:20:27,243 --> 00:20:28,263
Guys.

661
00:20:28,743 --> 00:20:32,003
I don't know how long we're
gonna have this podcast, but that

662
00:20:32,003 --> 00:20:32,903
the non-monogamy,

663
00:20:32,903 --> 00:20:36,023
that could, the aftermath
form, form of rejection there.

664
00:20:36,863 --> 00:20:41,573
You know, I, I, I really, really
I had a lot of trauma from when

665
00:20:41,573 --> 00:20:43,283
I was in high school and college.

666
00:20:43,283 --> 00:20:45,563
I just never, I wasn't
successful with the women.

667
00:20:45,593 --> 00:20:45,773
Yeah.

668
00:20:45,773 --> 00:20:48,743
I wasn't, uh, I felt like most
of the women that I was around.

669
00:20:48,743 --> 00:20:49,133
Do you still

670
00:20:49,448 --> 00:20:49,768
carry that

671
00:20:50,003 --> 00:20:50,963
were shallow?

672
00:20:51,503 --> 00:20:52,313
I don't

673
00:20:52,463 --> 00:20:54,113
because it's been years.

674
00:20:54,113 --> 00:20:56,153
Not that it goes away, but
Do you still carry that?

675
00:20:56,783 --> 00:20:57,443
I don't.

676
00:20:57,683 --> 00:20:58,313
That's good.

677
00:20:58,313 --> 00:20:58,943
I don't.

678
00:20:58,943 --> 00:21:00,653
I'm actually really not.

679
00:21:01,643 --> 00:21:04,013
So for the longest time to get over that.

680
00:21:04,658 --> 00:21:07,898
What I started saying was, you
know what, I'm not even gonna

681
00:21:07,898 --> 00:21:09,278
put myself out there like that.

682
00:21:09,308 --> 00:21:09,908
Oh, that's right.

683
00:21:09,908 --> 00:21:10,268
Remember?

684
00:21:10,508 --> 00:21:10,568
Yeah.

685
00:21:10,568 --> 00:21:13,958
I said, I'm not even gonna, I'm not even
gonna put myself out there to be rejected.

686
00:21:14,013 --> 00:21:14,103
Mm-hmm.

687
00:21:14,343 --> 00:21:15,783
I'm just gonna be everybody's friend.

688
00:21:16,203 --> 00:21:16,413
Yeah.

689
00:21:16,413 --> 00:21:18,693
And now if you reject my
friendship, well then you're just

690
00:21:18,693 --> 00:21:20,073
a dick because I'm a nice guy.

691
00:21:20,523 --> 00:21:21,243
You know what I'm saying?

692
00:21:21,273 --> 00:21:25,053
And in, in which case, hey, the trash
just took itself to the curb, but

693
00:21:25,553 --> 00:21:27,833
I'm offering friendship to everybody.

694
00:21:28,523 --> 00:21:33,413
And if you like my friendship, then
it's easier at some point for you

695
00:21:33,413 --> 00:21:36,983
to see the person that I am, rather
than the person that I look like.

696
00:21:37,673 --> 00:21:38,903
And you can go, you know what?

697
00:21:39,403 --> 00:21:41,683
That guy, I would totally bang him.

698
00:21:42,193 --> 00:21:44,073
And I, I can accept that.

699
00:21:44,583 --> 00:21:45,513
I can accept that.

700
00:21:45,723 --> 00:21:50,283
So, you know, that, that became my
strategy was I'm not gonna go out there

701
00:21:50,283 --> 00:21:53,703
and throw myself out there to random
people that I find attractive and be

702
00:21:53,703 --> 00:21:55,933
like, Hey do you want to have sex with me?

703
00:21:56,823 --> 00:21:57,573
Then just to be told.

704
00:21:57,603 --> 00:21:57,873
Yeah.

705
00:21:57,873 --> 00:21:58,773
No, that's weird.

706
00:21:58,803 --> 00:21:59,493
No, I'm good.

707
00:22:00,143 --> 00:22:05,993
Instead I'm gonna be everybody's
friend and if it comes up nonchalantly,

708
00:22:06,563 --> 00:22:08,873
the idea maybe comes across.

709
00:22:08,873 --> 00:22:13,973
Or if you get a little flirty and
I'm reading some some colored green

710
00:22:14,183 --> 00:22:17,323
flags, then yeah, it's a lot easier.

711
00:22:17,503 --> 00:22:18,253
It's a lot easier.

712
00:22:18,793 --> 00:22:26,953
Uh, but now since 2025 was the year
of confident Adam, uh, I faked it till

713
00:22:26,953 --> 00:22:29,823
I made it, not make it, but made it.

714
00:22:30,803 --> 00:22:39,013
And the confidence stuck because I
realized that people, when they get

715
00:22:39,013 --> 00:22:40,243
to know me, they start to like me.

716
00:22:41,173 --> 00:22:41,743
And guess what?

717
00:22:42,243 --> 00:22:42,903
Little do

718
00:22:42,903 --> 00:22:43,443
they know

719
00:22:43,773 --> 00:22:46,053
I'm a likable character,
just don't take me home.

720
00:22:46,713 --> 00:22:50,463
Uh, so, so yeah, I, rejection
was a big thing for me though.

721
00:22:50,463 --> 00:22:50,523
Yeah.

722
00:22:50,523 --> 00:22:51,873
I, I, I really struggled with it.

723
00:22:51,873 --> 00:22:53,073
I don't struggle with it now.

724
00:22:53,533 --> 00:22:56,923
And I think it has a lot to do
with confidence, but it also, it

725
00:22:56,923 --> 00:22:58,363
also comes down to my strategy.

726
00:22:58,873 --> 00:23:02,023
Now, as far as you're concerned,
I find this interesting.

727
00:23:02,523 --> 00:23:06,393
You've only been rejected by a guy once.

728
00:23:06,993 --> 00:23:10,563
That one really blew you away
because you were like, what the hell?

729
00:23:11,063 --> 00:23:12,503
But as far as women I, with

730
00:23:12,623 --> 00:23:14,378
the guy that I was like, uh, and he

731
00:23:14,378 --> 00:23:14,963
was like, yeah, but

732
00:23:15,023 --> 00:23:15,233
yeah.

733
00:23:15,293 --> 00:23:15,623
Yeah.

734
00:23:16,133 --> 00:23:20,243
But as far as women are concerned,
have you ever been rejected by women?

735
00:23:20,743 --> 00:23:23,373
No, but I've never really attempted.

736
00:23:24,123 --> 00:23:27,063
Well, actually I have no, I've
never been rejected by a woman.

737
00:23:27,563 --> 00:23:27,863
Yeah.

738
00:23:27,868 --> 00:23:28,728
No, never.

739
00:23:29,228 --> 00:23:29,558
Wow.

740
00:23:30,308 --> 00:23:32,438
And the guy, I mean, was
that really a rejection?

741
00:23:33,008 --> 00:23:33,443
You know, I,

742
00:23:33,448 --> 00:23:34,508
I mean, he just said,

743
00:23:34,838 --> 00:23:35,843
I don't, I don't

744
00:23:36,038 --> 00:23:36,938
you intimidate

745
00:23:36,938 --> 00:23:36,998
me.

746
00:23:36,998 --> 00:23:40,598
I mean, I would like to count it just
to make us feel like you're humble.

747
00:23:40,598 --> 00:23:41,738
No, but no,

748
00:23:42,068 --> 00:23:42,788
I'm not humble.

749
00:23:42,788 --> 00:23:44,348
That's a big head right there.

750
00:23:44,848 --> 00:23:47,548
Those headphones are gonna
come off pretty fast.

751
00:23:47,553 --> 00:23:47,933
Which you

752
00:23:48,013 --> 00:23:48,718
love me.

753
00:23:48,778 --> 00:23:49,138
Oh yeah.

754
00:23:49,138 --> 00:23:52,888
Well, I mean, I can love you
and see your ego inflating.

755
00:23:53,428 --> 00:23:55,678
Oh, are we gonna talk
about inflating egos?

756
00:23:55,768 --> 00:23:56,938
Hey, I'm just saying, you know what?

757
00:23:56,938 --> 00:23:59,548
Out of the two of us, I deserve
to have an inflated ego,

758
00:23:59,638 --> 00:23:59,998
and why

759
00:23:59,998 --> 00:24:00,808
don't I, I don't love these years.

760
00:24:00,813 --> 00:24:05,218
Because you had a, you had a great ex.
You were like, I, I, I grew up with

761
00:24:05,218 --> 00:24:08,338
having two boyfriends all the time,
and I had all, I had all these guys.

762
00:24:08,533 --> 00:24:08,613
Anything

763
00:24:08,833 --> 00:24:11,253
you tell our kids, you're like,
I had all these, these boys,

764
00:24:11,873 --> 00:24:12,653
but I had insecurities.

765
00:24:13,153 --> 00:24:15,073
You had people waiting
on your hand and foot.

766
00:24:15,073 --> 00:24:18,253
You had a guy who you would take
advantage of that he, he would

767
00:24:18,613 --> 00:24:19,123
buy

768
00:24:19,123 --> 00:24:19,778
you stuff that is nothing.

769
00:24:20,398 --> 00:24:20,618
But

770
00:24:20,618 --> 00:24:21,428
I didn't have anything, like

771
00:24:22,153 --> 00:24:23,743
I couldn't get a girl to look at me.

772
00:24:24,373 --> 00:24:25,633
Exceptional in my heart.

773
00:24:26,133 --> 00:24:26,463
Yeah.

774
00:24:26,463 --> 00:24:27,633
I have a lot of insecurities.

775
00:24:27,633 --> 00:24:30,993
You were never given that experience
of, of putting your heart towards

776
00:24:30,993 --> 00:24:32,793
somebody and having it crushed.

777
00:24:32,853 --> 00:24:33,063
Yeah.

778
00:24:33,063 --> 00:24:33,963
I have, hello.

779
00:24:33,963 --> 00:24:35,943
I'm, you're my third marriage.

780
00:24:36,933 --> 00:24:38,163
Yeah, but you didn't love the second one.

781
00:24:38,343 --> 00:24:38,493
Okay.

782
00:24:38,553 --> 00:24:39,663
I love the first one.

783
00:24:40,163 --> 00:24:40,703
Yeah.

784
00:24:41,693 --> 00:24:42,533
That's weird.

785
00:24:43,133 --> 00:24:43,763
That's weird.

786
00:24:44,263 --> 00:24:45,433
We gonna compare.

787
00:24:46,063 --> 00:24:46,753
We're gonna compare.

788
00:24:46,753 --> 00:24:47,323
Hurtings

789
00:24:47,563 --> 00:24:48,313
possibly hurts,

790
00:24:48,793 --> 00:24:49,513
scars.

791
00:24:49,513 --> 00:24:50,143
Hearts.

792
00:24:50,148 --> 00:24:50,478
Hearts.

793
00:24:50,483 --> 00:24:51,313
My scars are bigger.

794
00:24:51,313 --> 00:24:51,913
I'm older,

795
00:24:52,413 --> 00:24:53,223
Okay, fine.

796
00:24:53,283 --> 00:24:53,643
Yeah.

797
00:24:53,673 --> 00:24:55,448
How, how would you say rejection is

798
00:24:55,448 --> 00:24:55,648
hard?

799
00:24:56,028 --> 00:25:03,278
So you now, as you are, if you were to
be rejected, I know it's hypothetical.

800
00:25:03,778 --> 00:25:07,918
But say, you know, we're at the club,
you're trying to experiment more with, you

801
00:25:07,918 --> 00:25:09,573
know, if you see somebody that you mm-hmm.

802
00:25:09,658 --> 00:25:13,288
Find attractive, you're trying
to be more open into just going

803
00:25:13,288 --> 00:25:14,173
up to them and saying mm-hmm.

804
00:25:14,258 --> 00:25:16,148
You know, flirting with them
and seeing where it goes

805
00:25:16,598 --> 00:25:17,523
because you have that ability.

806
00:25:17,523 --> 00:25:17,763
Mm-hmm.

807
00:25:17,848 --> 00:25:18,308
You can do that.

808
00:25:19,238 --> 00:25:19,903
Say you do so.

809
00:25:19,923 --> 00:25:20,343
Mm-hmm.

810
00:25:20,468 --> 00:25:23,768
Say you find somebody attractive, the
very first time that you decide you're

811
00:25:23,768 --> 00:25:25,388
gonna put yourself out on the line.

812
00:25:25,628 --> 00:25:25,838
Okay.

813
00:25:26,648 --> 00:25:31,658
And you go out there and you talk
to him and things seem pretty good.

814
00:25:32,378 --> 00:25:37,948
And then you finally put yourself
out there nervous and you say, so

815
00:25:37,948 --> 00:25:40,618
I'd really like to go to the back
with you if you're interested.

816
00:25:41,038 --> 00:25:44,098
And the guy says, I'm good, but thank you.

817
00:25:44,598 --> 00:25:44,808
What?

818
00:25:44,808 --> 00:25:45,048
Then

819
00:25:45,738 --> 00:25:47,598
I would be like, okay, cool.

820
00:25:48,098 --> 00:25:49,058
Then would you just walk away?

821
00:25:49,088 --> 00:25:49,598
Yes.

822
00:25:49,598 --> 00:25:50,018
Just leave.

823
00:25:50,018 --> 00:25:51,623
Like, you wouldn't, you wouldn't
continue talking to him.

824
00:25:51,923 --> 00:25:53,438
You wouldn't be the, the friend.

825
00:25:53,528 --> 00:25:55,418
Like if what, if you wanted
to continue conversation, he'd

826
00:25:55,418 --> 00:25:56,528
be like, Hey, where you going?

827
00:25:57,008 --> 00:25:57,788
Thought we were talking?

828
00:25:57,878 --> 00:25:59,258
You'd be like, peace.

829
00:26:00,158 --> 00:26:00,518
Yeah.

830
00:26:01,018 --> 00:26:01,498
Wow.

831
00:26:02,278 --> 00:26:03,238
I would stay there talking.

832
00:26:03,838 --> 00:26:04,798
I'd be embarrassed.

833
00:26:05,188 --> 00:26:05,668
Really?

834
00:26:06,168 --> 00:26:08,598
I've been rejected enough to
not be embarrassed anymore.

835
00:26:09,098 --> 00:26:09,338
Good for you.

836
00:26:09,339 --> 00:26:09,349
Yeah.

837
00:26:09,349 --> 00:26:10,058
You see the difference?

838
00:26:10,658 --> 00:26:12,038
That's why I'm humble.

839
00:26:12,183 --> 00:26:13,683
I'd be like, what?

840
00:26:14,183 --> 00:26:14,473
Okay.

841
00:26:15,013 --> 00:26:15,513
I'm just saying.

842
00:26:15,773 --> 00:26:16,193
I'm just saying

843
00:26:16,393 --> 00:26:17,478
I would be embarrassed.

844
00:26:17,478 --> 00:26:17,658
I'd,

845
00:26:17,658 --> 00:26:20,838
you know, I, I wanna say, with the
exception of the lady sitting next to

846
00:26:20,838 --> 00:26:23,778
me, I would say, all of you listeners
out there, almost every one of us

847
00:26:23,778 --> 00:26:27,918
have had an experience where we
have been embarrassingly rejected.

848
00:26:28,418 --> 00:26:28,538
Yes.

849
00:26:28,753 --> 00:26:33,118
I, I know it's difficult, but if you
could just take a moment, open your

850
00:26:33,118 --> 00:26:35,308
laptop, or even get on your phone, right?

851
00:26:35,848 --> 00:26:39,388
You type in www.beyondmonogamy.com.

852
00:26:39,388 --> 00:26:40,438
You go to the top.

853
00:26:41,218 --> 00:26:47,398
It says, beyond monogamy confessional,
bro, you can leave a 100% anonymous.

854
00:26:47,898 --> 00:26:48,708
I like that

855
00:26:48,708 --> 00:26:49,368
confession.

856
00:26:49,698 --> 00:26:51,618
And you can tell us all
about how you were rejected.

857
00:26:51,618 --> 00:26:52,038
And you know what?

858
00:26:52,038 --> 00:26:53,178
We'll never know who it was.

859
00:26:53,178 --> 00:26:55,298
I thought this, I thought we'll
never know this scenario that

860
00:26:55,298 --> 00:26:56,588
we were just talking about.

861
00:26:56,588 --> 00:26:56,648
Yeah.

862
00:26:57,098 --> 00:26:59,078
I felt like it really happened.

863
00:26:59,368 --> 00:27:03,258
And then you, you said, except
for the lady next to me.

864
00:27:03,258 --> 00:27:05,208
And I was like, wait, I just got rejected.

865
00:27:05,598 --> 00:27:06,073
It wasn't,

866
00:27:06,078 --> 00:27:08,568
it was, it was, it was hypothetical dude.

867
00:27:09,558 --> 00:27:11,423
He didn't actually, he didn't exist.

868
00:27:11,923 --> 00:27:12,143
Oh.

869
00:27:12,148 --> 00:27:13,208
Oh my gosh.

870
00:27:13,238 --> 00:27:14,138
I swear.

871
00:27:14,498 --> 00:27:16,358
Yeah, because that's where,

872
00:27:16,598 --> 00:27:17,288
okay,

873
00:27:17,438 --> 00:27:17,888
sorry.

874
00:27:18,728 --> 00:27:21,878
So you don't know your
triggers until they happen.

875
00:27:21,878 --> 00:27:26,948
This, this one, I, I happen
to agree with to an extent.

876
00:27:27,128 --> 00:27:28,118
Oh, I agree.

877
00:27:28,618 --> 00:27:29,278
All the way.

878
00:27:29,778 --> 00:27:30,378
You don't know.

879
00:27:31,248 --> 00:27:32,298
Especially when you're, yeah.

880
00:27:32,358 --> 00:27:36,438
When you're sharing your partner,
you don't know these feelings.

881
00:27:36,438 --> 00:27:36,768
They're,

882
00:27:36,798 --> 00:27:36,948
yeah.

883
00:27:37,428 --> 00:27:40,788
Sometimes they're horrible and
they're gut crunching and they're

884
00:27:40,788 --> 00:27:43,908
like, oh, what just happened?

885
00:27:43,943 --> 00:27:44,233
Yeah.

886
00:27:44,958 --> 00:27:45,258
Yeah.

887
00:27:45,263 --> 00:27:45,438
It it,

888
00:27:45,438 --> 00:27:50,028
and then you just, then you have a
conversation and then it's all okay.

889
00:27:50,118 --> 00:27:50,688
Or it's not,

890
00:27:50,688 --> 00:27:51,288
it changes.

891
00:27:51,288 --> 00:27:51,918
It changes.

892
00:27:51,918 --> 00:27:51,978
Yeah.

893
00:27:52,338 --> 00:27:59,068
Uh, you know, I think some people have
heard me discuss how we, started mm-hmm.

894
00:27:59,068 --> 00:28:03,208
In the lifestyle and, you know, really,
I knew she had experience with it.

895
00:28:03,208 --> 00:28:07,018
I didn't, and so I really had to
see how I was gonna take to it.

896
00:28:07,408 --> 00:28:08,278
I'm one of those mm-hmm.

897
00:28:08,283 --> 00:28:11,428
I'm, I'm all about the experimental
stuff, you know, so I'm like, okay,

898
00:28:12,358 --> 00:28:17,248
uh, let's find a single guy and
whoever you're interested in and bring

899
00:28:17,248 --> 00:28:21,028
him over, and I'm gonna watch you
guys, and we'll see where it goes.

900
00:28:21,058 --> 00:28:21,748
We'll see how it goes.

901
00:28:21,808 --> 00:28:25,498
I have to see how I'm
going to feel about this.

902
00:28:25,528 --> 00:28:25,738
Yes.

903
00:28:25,978 --> 00:28:27,098
Because if I don't like it.

904
00:28:27,868 --> 00:28:28,528
We're not gonna do it.

905
00:28:29,028 --> 00:28:33,058
Uh, I got to see for the
very first time my wife

906
00:28:33,418 --> 00:28:33,568
mm-hmm.

907
00:28:33,838 --> 00:28:39,538
Kissing another man and it wasn't
some po dunk guy off the street.

908
00:28:39,538 --> 00:28:41,938
This guy was hitting the gym,
you know what I'm saying?

909
00:28:42,298 --> 00:28:45,118
And I was, uh, I was a
little chubby, so, uh,

910
00:28:45,118 --> 00:28:45,808
big boy,

911
00:28:45,868 --> 00:28:48,448
I, I could have very easily
had some insecurities.

912
00:28:48,448 --> 00:28:51,538
Of course, I've never been insecure
about our, our relationship, so I didn't,

913
00:28:52,228 --> 00:28:59,078
uh, but I do remember seeing that very
first kiss and you feel your stomach

914
00:28:59,078 --> 00:29:04,758
drop, you feel like, whoa knocks the air
outta you 'cause you don't expect it.

915
00:29:04,798 --> 00:29:06,928
But even though you expected
it, you don't expect

916
00:29:06,958 --> 00:29:07,048
mm-hmm.

917
00:29:07,288 --> 00:29:08,398
That reaction, you know?

918
00:29:08,788 --> 00:29:12,628
But you don't know what it's
gonna trigger unless you've tried.

919
00:29:13,033 --> 00:29:13,693
Something.

920
00:29:14,123 --> 00:29:15,383
And I'm a big believer in that.

921
00:29:15,383 --> 00:29:18,443
I don't know if that, if I'm gonna
like it or not like it, I don't know

922
00:29:18,443 --> 00:29:20,123
if it's gonna bring things up for me.

923
00:29:20,393 --> 00:29:25,523
And as you experience your first
separate play, your first preference

924
00:29:25,553 --> 00:29:25,703
mm-hmm.

925
00:29:26,003 --> 00:29:30,083
You know, you don't know if it's
gonna bother you until the moment.

926
00:29:30,593 --> 00:29:31,253
Yes.

927
00:29:31,673 --> 00:29:32,813
Everything bothered me.

928
00:29:33,313 --> 00:29:33,973
It did.

929
00:29:34,303 --> 00:29:35,353
Everything bothered me.

930
00:29:35,653 --> 00:29:41,853
Um, it took a lot for me to understand
why it bothered me and kind of, you know,

931
00:29:42,063 --> 00:29:43,923
I was the one that everything bothered.

932
00:29:44,073 --> 00:29:45,063
Why did it bother you?

933
00:29:45,563 --> 00:29:47,218
I don't want anybody better than me.

934
00:29:47,698 --> 00:29:48,688
That's right.

935
00:29:48,688 --> 00:29:51,058
I remember ye used to always tell
me that, I don't want, I don't want

936
00:29:51,058 --> 00:29:52,558
you to have anybody better than me.

937
00:29:53,038 --> 00:29:55,198
And I was like, but I love you.

938
00:29:55,258 --> 00:29:56,668
There's like, you're
the best better than me.

939
00:29:56,668 --> 00:29:57,838
There is nobody better than you.

940
00:29:57,838 --> 00:29:57,988
Yeah.

941
00:29:58,723 --> 00:30:00,373
So it took a lot for
me to understand that.

942
00:30:00,523 --> 00:30:01,873
Ah, that's right.

943
00:30:01,873 --> 00:30:03,043
I completely forgot about that.

944
00:30:03,043 --> 00:30:04,273
I haven't heard you say that in years.

945
00:30:04,328 --> 00:30:05,068
Oh, years.

946
00:30:05,413 --> 00:30:05,653
Yeah.

947
00:30:05,653 --> 00:30:07,633
You were afraid that somebody
would be better than you.

948
00:30:07,903 --> 00:30:08,683
I remember.

949
00:30:09,163 --> 00:30:12,033
You didn't like, you didn't
like seeing me kiss other women.

950
00:30:12,093 --> 00:30:12,453
No,

951
00:30:12,693 --> 00:30:13,053
because,

952
00:30:13,053 --> 00:30:17,793
and that's still, that's still not
when we were playing, I don't mind.

953
00:30:17,873 --> 00:30:21,083
When it's a make out session
and it's like, all right,

954
00:30:21,083 --> 00:30:22,223
dude, like, let's wrap it up.

955
00:30:22,493 --> 00:30:23,633
And you say that

956
00:30:23,963 --> 00:30:24,773
wrap it up.

957
00:30:24,773 --> 00:30:27,198
Semi embarrassing, but you say that you're

958
00:30:27,348 --> 00:30:27,638
okay.

959
00:30:27,638 --> 00:30:27,658
I do.

960
00:30:27,658 --> 00:30:28,733
Or a makeup, or, I'm like,

961
00:30:28,943 --> 00:30:29,573
all right guys,

962
00:30:29,723 --> 00:30:29,903
all right,

963
00:30:30,113 --> 00:30:30,773
let's break it up.

964
00:30:30,773 --> 00:30:31,043
I'm like,

965
00:30:31,043 --> 00:30:33,853
yeah, because it's like, it's,
it's, there's a time and there's

966
00:30:33,853 --> 00:30:35,278
a place and it's like, come on.

967
00:30:35,278 --> 00:30:35,398
Well, for

968
00:30:35,398 --> 00:30:36,118
at the club, that's

969
00:30:36,118 --> 00:30:36,958
literally the time.

970
00:30:36,958 --> 00:30:37,198
Yeah.

971
00:30:37,198 --> 00:30:39,253
I mean, you're standing like in
the Hollywood, like on the hallway

972
00:30:39,253 --> 00:30:40,663
of the, it's like, come on now.

973
00:30:40,663 --> 00:30:42,343
Like, I'm gonna go sit down.

974
00:30:42,403 --> 00:30:43,723
Well, I'm not gonna go to a a, you go

975
00:30:43,723 --> 00:30:43,843
do

976
00:30:43,843 --> 00:30:46,763
your, I'm not gonna go to the beds
to make out with somebody, you know?

977
00:30:46,763 --> 00:30:46,878
Yeah.

978
00:30:46,928 --> 00:30:48,333
I mean, I still, you know, I.

979
00:30:48,833 --> 00:30:49,403
So you see that

980
00:30:49,463 --> 00:30:49,973
I still

981
00:30:49,973 --> 00:30:50,663
triggers

982
00:30:50,753 --> 00:30:51,448
it is what it is, Pete,

983
00:30:51,448 --> 00:30:54,263
until they happen, it really is,
whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do,

984
00:30:55,133 --> 00:30:55,943
he's still happy.

985
00:30:55,943 --> 00:30:58,373
I don't, I don't keep
him from, you know, not,

986
00:30:58,408 --> 00:31:00,593
but, you know, it's not just
experiences too, you know,

987
00:31:00,593 --> 00:31:03,143
this community is so diverse

988
00:31:03,413 --> 00:31:03,683
Yeah.

989
00:31:03,713 --> 00:31:06,953
That you meet all different kinds
of personalities, especially

990
00:31:06,953 --> 00:31:07,643
if you're those kind of

991
00:31:07,653 --> 00:31:08,373
Oh yeah.

992
00:31:08,373 --> 00:31:08,383
People

993
00:31:08,643 --> 00:31:10,923
that you friend a lot of people,
and you're gonna, you're gonna

994
00:31:10,983 --> 00:31:14,223
meet all sorts of different
personalities and there are gonna be

995
00:31:14,223 --> 00:31:15,693
some people that will trigger you.

996
00:31:15,843 --> 00:31:16,113
Yes.

997
00:31:16,473 --> 00:31:20,763
There are gonna be some people that
will say things that will upset you.

998
00:31:20,763 --> 00:31:20,853
Mm-hmm.

999
00:31:21,093 --> 00:31:22,893
There's gonna, it's gonna come up.

1000
00:31:23,313 --> 00:31:23,403
Mm-hmm.

1001
00:31:23,404 --> 00:31:25,623
And it's a matter of how you handle it.

1002
00:31:25,653 --> 00:31:25,983
Mm-hmm.

1003
00:31:26,463 --> 00:31:33,183
Um, we personally we walk away
as soon as we see stuff that

1004
00:31:33,183 --> 00:31:33,603
triggers us.

1005
00:31:33,608 --> 00:31:38,253
As soon as we see stuff or, you know,
he's my best friend, I can tell him,

1006
00:31:38,253 --> 00:31:40,413
Hey, that person is just, you know.

1007
00:31:40,913 --> 00:31:43,103
Rubbing me wrong or
whatever, we'll walk away.

1008
00:31:43,103 --> 00:31:43,853
He'll be like, okay.

1009
00:31:44,183 --> 00:31:48,863
You know, maybe it's the, maybe
it's just my feeling at the moment

1010
00:31:48,923 --> 00:31:50,303
doesn't mean it's always like that.

1011
00:31:50,303 --> 00:31:52,853
I'm just, you know, sometimes
things do trigger me.

1012
00:31:53,118 --> 00:31:53,408
Yeah,

1013
00:31:53,908 --> 00:31:54,118
Yeah.

1014
00:31:54,718 --> 00:31:55,618
I mean, what are you gonna do?

1015
00:31:55,948 --> 00:31:57,148
And we're human man.

1016
00:31:57,178 --> 00:31:57,388
Yeah.

1017
00:31:57,568 --> 00:31:58,348
We are human.

1018
00:31:58,348 --> 00:31:59,368
That's how it goes.

1019
00:32:00,058 --> 00:32:00,388
I love it.

1020
00:32:00,888 --> 00:32:01,458
Alright.

1021
00:32:01,458 --> 00:32:03,678
Rules don't prevent pain.

1022
00:32:04,248 --> 00:32:07,278
Uh, so there's people out there that
think that if you have a bunch of rules

1023
00:32:07,278 --> 00:32:10,248
set up that you will not feel pain.

1024
00:32:10,748 --> 00:32:12,713
No, uh, rules make them feel safe.

1025
00:32:13,323 --> 00:32:14,553
But realistically,

1026
00:32:14,553 --> 00:32:16,773
I mean, they, they make,
they do make you feel safe.

1027
00:32:16,818 --> 00:32:17,583
They can, they can,

1028
00:32:17,673 --> 00:32:18,543
they do.

1029
00:32:18,543 --> 00:32:19,293
They're rules, right.

1030
00:32:19,293 --> 00:32:20,793
Um, they're rules that
you put in place, so yeah.

1031
00:32:20,793 --> 00:32:22,203
They're gonna make you feel safe, but

1032
00:32:22,413 --> 00:32:23,403
you can just communicate

1033
00:32:23,403 --> 00:32:25,773
you I know, but little baby steps.

1034
00:32:25,923 --> 00:32:26,223
Yeah.

1035
00:32:26,253 --> 00:32:28,383
No, it, it is, it's a good place to start.

1036
00:32:28,383 --> 00:32:28,393
Yeah.

1037
00:32:29,088 --> 00:32:30,393
But you're still gonna have pain.

1038
00:32:30,393 --> 00:32:32,373
It's not gonna keep you
from any kind of pain.

1039
00:32:32,373 --> 00:32:34,143
It's not, it's not gonna keep you safe.

1040
00:32:34,173 --> 00:32:34,233
No,

1041
00:32:34,353 --> 00:32:35,103
it really isn't.

1042
00:32:35,653 --> 00:32:39,493
That's the whole thing about it
is, is that whole, going back to

1043
00:32:39,973 --> 00:32:44,683
expectation versus experience, you
know, this is experience talking.

1044
00:32:44,688 --> 00:32:44,948
Mm-hmm.

1045
00:32:45,488 --> 00:32:48,633
And, initially when we went
in, we had a lot of rules.

1046
00:32:48,638 --> 00:32:48,768
Mm-hmm.

1047
00:32:48,848 --> 00:32:52,413
And we had the expectations that
that was going to keep things

1048
00:32:52,443 --> 00:32:54,633
solid, keep things on an even keel.

1049
00:32:55,083 --> 00:33:01,653
And now there's no safe space when you,
when you have, uh, rules, uh, eventually.

1050
00:33:02,153 --> 00:33:02,563
Come up.

1051
00:33:02,583 --> 00:33:03,003
Mm-hmm.

1052
00:33:03,453 --> 00:33:07,938
Things will come up there and it doesn't
mean all the time it's not gonna be a

1053
00:33:07,938 --> 00:33:12,198
miserable situation, but you can't say
that it's gonna keep you 100% safe.

1054
00:33:12,318 --> 00:33:12,738
Yeah.

1055
00:33:12,798 --> 00:33:13,248
No.

1056
00:33:13,338 --> 00:33:14,118
And growth.

1057
00:33:14,208 --> 00:33:14,358
Woo.

1058
00:33:14,658 --> 00:33:16,368
That's messy.

1059
00:33:16,373 --> 00:33:16,663
Yeah.

1060
00:33:17,148 --> 00:33:17,358
Yeah.

1061
00:33:17,358 --> 00:33:18,168
As you can tell.

1062
00:33:18,168 --> 00:33:19,368
But the reward is big.

1063
00:33:19,638 --> 00:33:20,358
The reward is

1064
00:33:20,358 --> 00:33:20,448
big.

1065
00:33:20,538 --> 00:33:20,898
It's,

1066
00:33:21,118 --> 00:33:24,598
Because when you see that growth,
when you recognize it, like you've had

1067
00:33:24,658 --> 00:33:28,108
several different times where you sat
back and you're like, I get it now.

1068
00:33:28,798 --> 00:33:29,623
I'm a big girl.

1069
00:33:30,183 --> 00:33:31,223
I get it now, don't it?

1070
00:33:31,223 --> 00:33:32,223
I don't need a bib.

1071
00:33:33,208 --> 00:33:33,508
Yeah.

1072
00:33:33,508 --> 00:33:37,438
I mean, it, it's hard, people
cry, it's like there's emotions.

1073
00:33:37,438 --> 00:33:37,618
Yeah.

1074
00:33:37,623 --> 00:33:38,343
It's a thing.

1075
00:33:38,393 --> 00:33:41,993
So yeah, rule rules will not prevent pain.

1076
00:33:42,053 --> 00:33:42,983
They're not gonna keep you.

1077
00:33:42,983 --> 00:33:45,353
I mean, it's for you and your, your mind.

1078
00:33:45,353 --> 00:33:47,393
And like I said, little baby steps,

1079
00:33:47,393 --> 00:33:48,293
you know, baby steps,

1080
00:33:48,293 --> 00:33:49,643
you know, baby steps mm-hmm.

1081
00:33:49,883 --> 00:33:53,483
Is fine, but they're not gonna
keep you from, it's, you're

1082
00:33:53,483 --> 00:33:54,803
still gonna have pain and.

1083
00:33:55,628 --> 00:33:56,408
Discomfort.

1084
00:33:56,408 --> 00:33:56,738
So

1085
00:33:57,338 --> 00:33:57,728
Yeah.

1086
00:33:57,908 --> 00:33:58,298
Yeah.

1087
00:33:58,388 --> 00:34:03,158
And hopefully that pain and discomfort is
emotional and it's not from like an STI

1088
00:34:03,308 --> 00:34:05,608
communicated communication.

1089
00:34:06,268 --> 00:34:08,458
I'm sorry, that was just, that was funny.

1090
00:34:08,608 --> 00:34:10,318
I'm sorry guys, but that was funny.

1091
00:34:10,828 --> 00:34:11,098
Yes.

1092
00:34:11,098 --> 00:34:12,208
Communicate 100%.

1093
00:34:12,208 --> 00:34:12,268
Yeah.

1094
00:34:12,268 --> 00:34:13,858
It's all about communication.

1095
00:34:14,278 --> 00:34:16,378
Uh, I know that you've heard us
say that in a lot of different

1096
00:34:16,378 --> 00:34:19,908
shows, emotional labor isn't even

1097
00:34:20,408 --> 00:34:20,798
Yeah.

1098
00:34:21,428 --> 00:34:23,588
So we're talking different
processing speeds.

1099
00:34:23,618 --> 00:34:24,098
Yes.

1100
00:34:24,248 --> 00:34:28,238
We do not process at the same speed.

1101
00:34:28,388 --> 00:34:28,538
No.

1102
00:34:28,718 --> 00:34:33,643
You might have a partner who
is neurodivergent like me,

1103
00:34:33,868 --> 00:34:34,708
like this one,

1104
00:34:34,888 --> 00:34:37,558
and I do not, I process very different.

1105
00:34:37,558 --> 00:34:42,528
I process at a very slower speed
and it, it can take me days.

1106
00:34:43,368 --> 00:34:44,748
To process certain things.

1107
00:34:44,748 --> 00:34:45,288
That is true.

1108
00:34:45,678 --> 00:34:46,248
I can attest.

1109
00:34:46,248 --> 00:34:50,778
I am very reactive and
Adam is very rational.

1110
00:34:51,138 --> 00:34:51,768
I'm logical

1111
00:34:51,798 --> 00:34:52,758
and logical.

1112
00:34:52,878 --> 00:34:53,718
I, there you go.

1113
00:34:53,718 --> 00:34:54,378
Logical.

1114
00:34:54,858 --> 00:34:56,178
And I'm very reactive.

1115
00:34:56,178 --> 00:35:01,818
So that alone is something you
have to remember when you're

1116
00:35:01,818 --> 00:35:04,098
processing these different feelings.

1117
00:35:04,098 --> 00:35:04,368
So

1118
00:35:04,698 --> 00:35:08,088
Well, I think it's that balance
that has always kept us,

1119
00:35:08,418 --> 00:35:08,748
yeah.

1120
00:35:08,803 --> 00:35:09,463
And it working

1121
00:35:09,463 --> 00:35:09,623
out

1122
00:35:09,623 --> 00:35:10,908
and it's always been like this.

1123
00:35:11,388 --> 00:35:14,388
I feel like it's gotten better
within like the last three years.

1124
00:35:14,688 --> 00:35:14,958
Oh yeah.

1125
00:35:15,408 --> 00:35:15,588
Totally.

1126
00:35:15,618 --> 00:35:16,998
I'm on medication.

1127
00:35:16,998 --> 00:35:21,618
Mental health was, is a big
part of this how you process.

1128
00:35:22,128 --> 00:35:22,218
Yeah.

1129
00:35:22,218 --> 00:35:26,638
And having a con uh, having a partner
who understands that is very helpful.

1130
00:35:26,638 --> 00:35:27,358
And a lot of y'all.

1131
00:35:27,858 --> 00:35:28,848
Hopefully have that.

1132
00:35:28,848 --> 00:35:29,058
But

1133
00:35:29,558 --> 00:35:32,673
you know, we have, we have different
processes, processing speeds.

1134
00:35:32,673 --> 00:35:32,913
Mm-hmm.

1135
00:35:32,993 --> 00:35:34,148
But we also have different needs.

1136
00:35:34,238 --> 00:35:34,478
Yes.

1137
00:35:34,568 --> 00:35:35,348
Um, you know,

1138
00:35:35,708 --> 00:35:35,918
yeah.

1139
00:35:36,028 --> 00:35:39,238
What you needed was very
different from what I needed.

1140
00:35:39,243 --> 00:35:39,393
Yeah.

1141
00:35:39,538 --> 00:35:39,628
Yeah.

1142
00:35:39,658 --> 00:35:42,598
Um, I, I didn't need the
reassurance that you needed.

1143
00:35:42,628 --> 00:35:42,778
No.

1144
00:35:42,778 --> 00:35:44,578
Stuff like that, you know,
there was, there was just a

1145
00:35:44,578 --> 00:35:46,888
lot, uh, different between us.

1146
00:35:46,888 --> 00:35:46,978
Mm-hmm.

1147
00:35:47,218 --> 00:35:48,178
And that's the way my

1148
00:35:48,178 --> 00:35:49,048
spouses are.

1149
00:35:49,048 --> 00:35:52,498
It's still, and it's still like that we
have been doing this for a long time.

1150
00:35:52,503 --> 00:35:52,713
Mm-hmm.

1151
00:35:52,798 --> 00:35:59,818
And I still require a lot
because we don't play a lot.

1152
00:36:00,318 --> 00:36:00,648
Yeah.

1153
00:36:00,648 --> 00:36:01,008
I know.

1154
00:36:01,008 --> 00:36:02,118
Contrary to popular, we're

1155
00:36:02,118 --> 00:36:03,353
not the

1156
00:36:03,433 --> 00:36:03,753
sluts that

1157
00:36:03,753 --> 00:36:04,833
everybody thinks we about.

1158
00:36:04,833 --> 00:36:05,113
That's what, yeah.

1159
00:36:05,113 --> 00:36:09,378
And so that's why it's this many years and
I'm still processing things, and I'm still

1160
00:36:09,378 --> 00:36:14,728
learning because we don't, you know, it's
different scenarios that come up yeah.

1161
00:36:14,733 --> 00:36:15,053
Yeah.

1162
00:36:15,293 --> 00:36:15,533
Yeah.

1163
00:36:15,583 --> 00:36:18,643
I think the big key is to
learn how to sport each other.

1164
00:36:18,793 --> 00:36:18,853
Yeah.

1165
00:36:18,913 --> 00:36:19,063
You

1166
00:36:19,063 --> 00:36:19,303
know?

1167
00:36:19,373 --> 00:36:21,503
And that's lifestyle or vanilla lifestyle.

1168
00:36:22,003 --> 00:36:23,683
Supporting your spouse.

1169
00:36:23,783 --> 00:36:25,043
Supporting your partner.

1170
00:36:25,163 --> 00:36:25,403
Mm-hmm.

1171
00:36:25,643 --> 00:36:28,343
Um, and whatever that entails.

1172
00:36:28,433 --> 00:36:28,493
Yeah.

1173
00:36:28,493 --> 00:36:30,023
Whatever that need is.

1174
00:36:30,143 --> 00:36:30,383
Yeah.

1175
00:36:30,413 --> 00:36:31,463
Uh, you gotta do your part.

1176
00:36:31,518 --> 00:36:32,298
Gotta do your part.

1177
00:36:32,298 --> 00:36:32,928
You have to

1178
00:36:33,528 --> 00:36:34,098
yepper,

1179
00:36:34,098 --> 00:36:34,753
it's not gonna work.

1180
00:36:35,148 --> 00:36:37,278
Validation can be addictive.

1181
00:36:37,308 --> 00:36:38,408
Oh yes.

1182
00:36:38,408 --> 00:36:38,933
It can be.

1183
00:36:39,853 --> 00:36:40,143
Yeah.

1184
00:36:40,763 --> 00:36:42,563
Um, can be, yeah.

1185
00:36:42,653 --> 00:36:43,433
Attention.

1186
00:36:43,523 --> 00:36:44,543
A lot of attention.

1187
00:36:44,543 --> 00:36:45,203
You need that.

1188
00:36:45,923 --> 00:36:46,583
Lemme tell you.

1189
00:36:46,583 --> 00:36:48,383
So I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna
tell you something right quick.

1190
00:36:48,383 --> 00:36:49,043
Lemme tell you something.

1191
00:36:49,283 --> 00:36:50,303
Are we gonna be real right now?

1192
00:36:50,303 --> 00:36:50,993
I'm gonna be real.

1193
00:36:51,143 --> 00:36:52,613
I'm gonna be very real right now.

1194
00:36:53,223 --> 00:36:54,003
Because

1195
00:36:54,243 --> 00:36:54,643
you're in a,

1196
00:36:54,963 --> 00:36:56,163
I am addicted

1197
00:36:56,313 --> 00:36:57,178
To validation.

1198
00:36:57,183 --> 00:36:57,453
Mm-hmm.

1199
00:36:57,658 --> 00:37:01,228
I am yearning for people's acceptance.

1200
00:37:01,288 --> 00:37:01,378
Mm-hmm.

1201
00:37:01,888 --> 00:37:01,908
It's horrible.

1202
00:37:01,908 --> 00:37:02,518
It's sickening.

1203
00:37:02,518 --> 00:37:03,958
I hate that about me.

1204
00:37:03,958 --> 00:37:04,588
I really do.

1205
00:37:04,678 --> 00:37:04,828
Yeah.

1206
00:37:04,828 --> 00:37:08,398
And I don't hate a lot about
me, but that is the worst.

1207
00:37:08,608 --> 00:37:08,668
Yeah.

1208
00:37:08,668 --> 00:37:11,188
My wife here, she could care
less about what people think.

1209
00:37:11,188 --> 00:37:11,773
Me on the other hand.

1210
00:37:12,273 --> 00:37:14,043
I care what everybody thinks.

1211
00:37:14,133 --> 00:37:14,493
Yeah.

1212
00:37:14,583 --> 00:37:16,023
You know, uh, when somebody,

1213
00:37:16,023 --> 00:37:18,393
and so we balance each other
like that because it's, I have to

1214
00:37:18,393 --> 00:37:20,073
remind him like, it doesn't matter.

1215
00:37:20,073 --> 00:37:20,793
It doesn't matter.

1216
00:37:20,883 --> 00:37:21,783
And I'm like, it does matter

1217
00:37:21,873 --> 00:37:22,528
and it matters to me.

1218
00:37:22,588 --> 00:37:23,313
And, and it's like,

1219
00:37:23,553 --> 00:37:24,513
Like when I find out, that's why I'll

1220
00:37:24,513 --> 00:37:24,963
never win

1221
00:37:24,968 --> 00:37:28,053
find, I find out somebody doesn't like
me and I'm like, have they met me?

1222
00:37:28,553 --> 00:37:30,233
Why, why, why 10

1223
00:37:30,353 --> 00:37:31,883
times And they still don't like

1224
00:37:31,883 --> 00:37:32,033
you.

1225
00:37:32,033 --> 00:37:33,863
What was it about me they didn't like?

1226
00:37:33,863 --> 00:37:36,953
And you know, I know, I know there's
always gonna be somebody that doesn't

1227
00:37:36,953 --> 00:37:37,108
like me.

1228
00:37:37,108 --> 00:37:37,308
Yeah.

1229
00:37:37,763 --> 00:37:42,323
Uh, but I am that I'm that person that
I'm, I'm so addicted to, uh, validation.

1230
00:37:42,713 --> 00:37:43,913
I watch our analytics.

1231
00:37:44,273 --> 00:37:44,513
Yeah.

1232
00:37:44,513 --> 00:37:45,293
On our podcast.

1233
00:37:45,953 --> 00:37:49,163
If I, if we didn't get good
downloads, I'm like, why?

1234
00:37:49,343 --> 00:37:49,823
Yes.

1235
00:37:49,823 --> 00:37:51,173
Did they not like us that week?

1236
00:37:51,173 --> 00:37:51,233
Yeah.

1237
00:37:51,233 --> 00:37:51,803
What happened?

1238
00:37:51,803 --> 00:37:52,793
Was it the topic?

1239
00:37:52,798 --> 00:37:52,918
Yeah.

1240
00:37:52,918 --> 00:37:53,198
What

1241
00:37:53,198 --> 00:37:53,478
did I do?

1242
00:37:53,538 --> 00:37:54,533
And so it, yeah.

1243
00:37:54,533 --> 00:37:55,463
And it's things like that.

1244
00:37:55,463 --> 00:37:58,703
And they could really make
him feel a lot of anxiety.

1245
00:37:59,318 --> 00:38:00,743
I, I feel like a failure at times.

1246
00:38:01,243 --> 00:38:03,463
But they also give you
like a confidence boost.

1247
00:38:03,463 --> 00:38:05,293
It does, it does give
me a confidence boost.

1248
00:38:05,293 --> 00:38:05,353
Yeah.

1249
00:38:05,353 --> 00:38:10,723
Because like, uh, for example, like
TikTok, I started my TikTok in July

1250
00:38:11,243 --> 00:38:15,083
because I was informed it was probably
be a, probably be a good idea to have a

1251
00:38:15,083 --> 00:38:17,183
platform that we can push the podcast on.

1252
00:38:17,423 --> 00:38:17,633
Yeah.

1253
00:38:17,723 --> 00:38:24,053
Um, and I started making these different
pieces of content and uh, my TikTok

1254
00:38:24,053 --> 00:38:25,903
has been taking off pretty damn well.

1255
00:38:26,293 --> 00:38:29,563
And, uh, I've gotten the attention
of some really, really cool people

1256
00:38:29,563 --> 00:38:30,853
who have been doing this a while.

1257
00:38:31,273 --> 00:38:37,603
And just seeing that alone, I'm up here
guys, I'm up here, I'm feeling great.

1258
00:38:37,603 --> 00:38:38,593
I'm on top of the world.

1259
00:38:38,593 --> 00:38:38,653
I'm

1260
00:38:38,653 --> 00:38:38,743
not,

1261
00:38:39,263 --> 00:38:41,083
And she is not, she's not feeling that.

1262
00:38:41,533 --> 00:38:41,713
Nope,

1263
00:38:41,713 --> 00:38:42,403
she's not feeling that.

1264
00:38:42,403 --> 00:38:44,203
I dunno why you're not feeling
that, why you're not feeling that?

1265
00:38:44,703 --> 00:38:44,853
Mm. Just

1266
00:38:44,858 --> 00:38:46,893
not, I mean, because you have
more followers than I do.

1267
00:38:46,923 --> 00:38:49,413
You get likes, um, and
things like that, you know?

1268
00:38:49,418 --> 00:38:49,448
I

1269
00:38:49,448 --> 00:38:49,728
dunno.

1270
00:38:49,968 --> 00:38:51,873
I just, I don't, I'm not feeling that.

1271
00:38:52,773 --> 00:38:53,463
Would you ever,

1272
00:38:53,963 --> 00:38:56,183
Did you ever, have you ever.

1273
00:38:56,903 --> 00:38:57,623
Would you ever?

1274
00:38:57,683 --> 00:38:58,613
Maybe.

1275
00:38:58,613 --> 00:38:59,483
I don't know.

1276
00:39:00,053 --> 00:39:00,623
I don't know.

1277
00:39:01,123 --> 00:39:02,083
I really don't know.

1278
00:39:02,143 --> 00:39:02,983
I don't think so.

1279
00:39:03,823 --> 00:39:07,153
Well, I just feel like because you
don't give a shit whether people

1280
00:39:07,153 --> 00:39:11,653
like you or not, I don't think
that really bothers you, does it?

1281
00:39:12,403 --> 00:39:13,273
No, it does.

1282
00:39:13,303 --> 00:39:13,903
Really?

1283
00:39:13,933 --> 00:39:14,293
Yeah.

1284
00:39:15,163 --> 00:39:15,553
Yeah.

1285
00:39:15,613 --> 00:39:16,333
I didn't know that.

1286
00:39:16,333 --> 00:39:16,783
Yeah,

1287
00:39:17,113 --> 00:39:17,563
really

1288
00:39:17,563 --> 00:39:19,843
you're, you can be an
attention whore sometimes.

1289
00:39:20,343 --> 00:39:20,553
Ouch.

1290
00:39:20,673 --> 00:39:20,973
Yeah.

1291
00:39:21,093 --> 00:39:24,843
So it's hard because I can't break that,
and I'm like, dang, all right, fine.

1292
00:39:25,233 --> 00:39:28,333
And then I just kind of give up and
just be like, I'm just the wife.

1293
00:39:28,423 --> 00:39:29,113
That was rough.

1294
00:39:29,718 --> 00:39:31,513
I can, I can be an attention whore.

1295
00:39:31,573 --> 00:39:32,443
Oh yeah.

1296
00:39:33,343 --> 00:39:34,393
Explain vo.

1297
00:39:34,393 --> 00:39:34,483
Uh,

1298
00:39:34,983 --> 00:39:37,853
just your everyday, I mean, social media.

1299
00:39:37,853 --> 00:39:39,113
You like the attention.

1300
00:39:39,613 --> 00:39:40,093
Yeah.

1301
00:39:40,093 --> 00:39:41,503
I mean, that's the point of social media

1302
00:39:41,503 --> 00:39:42,133
is Yeah, it is.

1303
00:39:42,133 --> 00:39:43,453
But, and you love that.

1304
00:39:43,513 --> 00:39:45,013
You love to have that attention.

1305
00:39:45,013 --> 00:39:49,453
Like you will, you just like it and you
could, you have to have it every day.

1306
00:39:50,278 --> 00:39:50,458
Yeah.

1307
00:39:50,788 --> 00:39:51,268
The attention

1308
00:39:51,273 --> 00:39:52,048
that's, that's an addiction.

1309
00:39:52,228 --> 00:39:52,528
Yeah,

1310
00:39:53,098 --> 00:39:53,668
that's the whole point.

1311
00:39:53,668 --> 00:39:54,388
Attention whore.

1312
00:39:54,888 --> 00:39:56,598
I mean, we don't slut shame here, man.

1313
00:39:56,658 --> 00:39:57,318
I'm just saying.

1314
00:39:57,918 --> 00:39:58,218
But

1315
00:39:58,218 --> 00:39:59,238
I mean,

1316
00:39:59,658 --> 00:40:01,608
and but how does that affect you?

1317
00:40:02,108 --> 00:40:05,318
You boast I'm your best friend.

1318
00:40:05,818 --> 00:40:06,208
Okay.

1319
00:40:06,238 --> 00:40:06,478
Yeah.

1320
00:40:06,478 --> 00:40:06,658
No.

1321
00:40:06,663 --> 00:40:06,883
Okay.

1322
00:40:06,958 --> 00:40:07,438
Wait a second.

1323
00:40:07,443 --> 00:40:07,763
Your best.

1324
00:40:07,828 --> 00:40:08,368
Wait a second.

1325
00:40:08,368 --> 00:40:10,918
So you guys, y'all are gonna have
to hit pause for a second 'cause we

1326
00:40:10,918 --> 00:40:12,208
got some marital shit to work out.

1327
00:40:12,208 --> 00:40:14,488
If you, you know, excuse me for a second.

1328
00:40:14,788 --> 00:40:15,088
Okay.

1329
00:40:15,748 --> 00:40:17,668
Hey, I never boast.

1330
00:40:18,238 --> 00:40:18,478
Yes

1331
00:40:18,718 --> 00:40:18,778
you

1332
00:40:18,903 --> 00:40:19,123
do.

1333
00:40:19,318 --> 00:40:23,758
I never boast, I talk to my wife and
my best friend about what's happening.

1334
00:40:23,758 --> 00:40:24,208
You just,

1335
00:40:24,208 --> 00:40:27,868
with my TikTok, you just, that doesn't
mean I'm bragging about it, but you

1336
00:40:27,868 --> 00:40:30,598
take it as bragging because there's
certain things that you're like, oh,

1337
00:40:30,598 --> 00:40:31,888
well I wish that would happen to me.

1338
00:40:32,218 --> 00:40:33,088
And I'm like, come on dude.

1339
00:40:33,088 --> 00:40:33,628
Resentment.

1340
00:40:34,513 --> 00:40:34,873
Yeah.

1341
00:40:34,873 --> 00:40:35,623
Is that what you call it?

1342
00:40:35,623 --> 00:40:36,373
My resentment?

1343
00:40:36,493 --> 00:40:37,123
You ha you.

1344
00:40:37,228 --> 00:40:39,943
It, it, it, I don't want
it to be resentment.

1345
00:40:40,723 --> 00:40:41,568
Is that, what is that way It's coming.

1346
00:40:41,648 --> 00:40:42,008
I know.

1347
00:40:42,223 --> 00:40:43,993
Is that, what's, is that, what's next?

1348
00:40:44,088 --> 00:40:45,733
I, I don't brag, man.

1349
00:40:45,913 --> 00:40:46,663
I'm not bragging.

1350
00:40:46,993 --> 00:40:50,173
I'm literally tell, so if I don't
tell you, it's called communication.

1351
00:40:50,173 --> 00:40:50,443
Guys.

1352
00:40:50,653 --> 00:40:53,863
If I don't tell you what's
going on, you're not gonna know.

1353
00:40:54,583 --> 00:40:55,993
So should I keep that to myself?

1354
00:40:56,113 --> 00:40:57,223
Oh no, I love it.

1355
00:40:57,553 --> 00:40:58,153
Oh yeah.

1356
00:40:58,158 --> 00:40:58,438
Obviously.

1357
00:40:58,598 --> 00:41:00,518
I mean, I, you ask me,

1358
00:41:01,018 --> 00:41:02,188
obviously you love it.

1359
00:41:02,283 --> 00:41:04,083
I don't mind it, but you
ask me if it bothers me.

1360
00:41:04,083 --> 00:41:04,323
Yeah.

1361
00:41:04,323 --> 00:41:06,933
Sometimes it bothers me
'cause I can't be there.

1362
00:41:07,293 --> 00:41:08,193
I can't do that.

1363
00:41:08,673 --> 00:41:09,573
Yeah, no, I'm aware.

1364
00:41:09,633 --> 00:41:09,843
Yeah,

1365
00:41:09,843 --> 00:41:10,173
I'm aware.

1366
00:41:10,173 --> 00:41:12,363
But if you were there with me,

1367
00:41:12,573 --> 00:41:12,933
yeah.

1368
00:41:13,083 --> 00:41:13,923
It would be different.

1369
00:41:14,463 --> 00:41:15,303
Oh, so different.

1370
00:41:15,633 --> 00:41:16,293
So different.

1371
00:41:16,953 --> 00:41:17,553
But yeah.

1372
00:41:17,553 --> 00:41:18,903
No, it, it, um, it's like

1373
00:41:19,403 --> 00:41:19,883
me.

1374
00:41:20,383 --> 00:41:21,793
Poor little old, you

1375
00:41:21,793 --> 00:41:23,083
poor little old me.

1376
00:41:23,148 --> 00:41:24,343
I don't have anything.

1377
00:41:24,343 --> 00:41:26,983
You know what's amazing is you've got
more followers than me and you don't

1378
00:41:26,983 --> 00:41:28,993
even really put out that much content.

1379
00:41:29,953 --> 00:41:30,853
So I work,

1380
00:41:30,853 --> 00:41:31,573
I'm a woman baby.

1381
00:41:31,603 --> 00:41:32,773
No, that's my point.

1382
00:41:32,803 --> 00:41:33,643
Yeah, that's my point.

1383
00:41:33,643 --> 00:41:34,608
I work very hard, hard.

1384
00:41:34,748 --> 00:41:35,008
You work

1385
00:41:35,008 --> 00:41:35,593
very hard for your,

1386
00:41:35,593 --> 00:41:36,823
I work incredibly hard.

1387
00:41:37,033 --> 00:41:38,288
The content that I put put out there is,

1388
00:41:38,353 --> 00:41:38,683
there is

1389
00:41:38,683 --> 00:41:38,953
no

1390
00:41:38,953 --> 00:41:39,283
doubt.

1391
00:41:39,403 --> 00:41:39,523
I

1392
00:41:39,523 --> 00:41:40,423
mean, and that's what I'm saying,

1393
00:41:40,423 --> 00:41:41,653
A large portion of my day, like,

1394
00:41:41,653 --> 00:41:42,193
that's what I'm saying.

1395
00:41:42,283 --> 00:41:42,883
Boast.

1396
00:41:43,003 --> 00:41:43,843
That's fine.

1397
00:41:44,053 --> 00:41:46,933
But you're asking me, and
I'm being honest with you.

1398
00:41:46,933 --> 00:41:48,973
You can't get mad.

1399
00:41:49,153 --> 00:41:49,753
I didn't get mad.

1400
00:41:49,753 --> 00:41:50,473
I got passionate.

1401
00:41:50,653 --> 00:41:50,773
You

1402
00:41:50,773 --> 00:41:52,183
can't get passionate.

1403
00:41:52,183 --> 00:41:53,323
I was a happy, passionate.

1404
00:41:53,323 --> 00:41:53,813
I still love you.

1405
00:41:54,168 --> 00:41:54,883
I love that.

1406
00:41:54,888 --> 00:41:58,963
I that see now that right there I
have compersion for I love that.

1407
00:41:58,963 --> 00:42:00,823
You're happy about that.

1408
00:42:00,823 --> 00:42:01,933
It boosts your ego.

1409
00:42:01,938 --> 00:42:03,193
It does it love, love that you

1410
00:42:03,193 --> 00:42:03,313
know it.

1411
00:42:03,313 --> 00:42:04,328
It makes me feel really good.

1412
00:42:04,328 --> 00:42:07,153
And I'm gonna tell you that that's
what I actually, the little tiny bits.

1413
00:42:07,558 --> 00:42:11,158
Of stuff that I liked about poly
was very tiny, and it was that

1414
00:42:11,338 --> 00:42:13,018
it really did boost your ego.

1415
00:42:13,318 --> 00:42:14,878
It boosted my confidence.

1416
00:42:14,878 --> 00:42:14,888
Mm-hmm.

1417
00:42:14,888 --> 00:42:14,983
And

1418
00:42:14,983 --> 00:42:15,383
your confidence.

1419
00:42:15,568 --> 00:42:15,778
Yeah.

1420
00:42:15,808 --> 00:42:17,298
So it made, it made me feel a lot not

1421
00:42:17,508 --> 00:42:18,558
ego confidence.

1422
00:42:18,678 --> 00:42:22,548
So you have to understand that I, I,
I grew up in an abusive household and,

1423
00:42:22,878 --> 00:42:25,908
you know, I never felt like, I never
felt like I was given the mm-hmm.

1424
00:42:26,278 --> 00:42:27,808
The time of day by anybody.

1425
00:42:28,358 --> 00:42:32,648
And so to be able to go on something
like TikTok and get on live and

1426
00:42:32,648 --> 00:42:37,208
something like that and be able to
talk to people, and they get to know

1427
00:42:37,208 --> 00:42:40,538
me and they're like, wow, you're,
you're really, you're an all right guy.

1428
00:42:40,538 --> 00:42:42,188
And I'm like I am.

1429
00:42:42,848 --> 00:42:45,008
But nobody ever gives
me the time to find out.

1430
00:42:45,008 --> 00:42:47,918
I had to get a freaking podcast
so that you guys could find out

1431
00:42:47,918 --> 00:42:49,253
that I'm all right, I'm alright.

1432
00:42:49,508 --> 00:42:50,288
I'm an alright guy.

1433
00:42:50,708 --> 00:42:53,708
Anyways just walk away from that one.

1434
00:42:53,768 --> 00:42:54,998
We're gonna move on from this.

1435
00:42:55,448 --> 00:42:55,898
Don't worry.

1436
00:42:56,438 --> 00:42:57,308
We're gonna bounce back.

1437
00:42:57,808 --> 00:43:01,228
But yeah, it, it, it really, I am, I'm
a, I am addicted to that validation.

1438
00:43:01,288 --> 00:43:02,248
I will admit it.

1439
00:43:02,248 --> 00:43:03,658
It's a major flaw of mine.

1440
00:43:03,718 --> 00:43:03,808
Yeah.

1441
00:43:04,108 --> 00:43:05,788
And it, it does cause issue.

1442
00:43:05,848 --> 00:43:07,258
I, I can have my ups and downs.

1443
00:43:07,738 --> 00:43:10,228
I'll be riding high for like a week.

1444
00:43:10,288 --> 00:43:10,408
Mm-hmm.

1445
00:43:10,648 --> 00:43:14,608
And then I'll hit some lows for a couple
days, and I'm like, dude, uh, I I'm a

1446
00:43:14,608 --> 00:43:18,118
failure, until I get validation again,
and then I'm like, yay, I'm back on top.

1447
00:43:18,328 --> 00:43:24,198
Uh, so yeah, so weird, so complicated
emotionally, uh, and mentally now

1448
00:43:24,228 --> 00:43:27,888
the community isn't always soft.

1449
00:43:28,188 --> 00:43:29,358
No, it is not.

1450
00:43:30,168 --> 00:43:35,468
Just imagine you are, you're going
into a new, we're all human and you're

1451
00:43:35,468 --> 00:43:37,238
going into a new place, a new spot.

1452
00:43:37,358 --> 00:43:37,688
Yeah.

1453
00:43:37,718 --> 00:43:41,038
There's, there's, unfortunately,
sometimes there's judgment.

1454
00:43:41,698 --> 00:43:42,028
Yeah.

1455
00:43:42,178 --> 00:43:43,978
And it's not even like what you're doing.

1456
00:43:44,008 --> 00:43:46,648
It could just be just anything.

1457
00:43:47,278 --> 00:43:48,058
You know what's funny?

1458
00:43:48,558 --> 00:43:54,298
I realized, you know, in the community
I've talked to some people, and

1459
00:43:54,838 --> 00:43:59,488
as much as I don't like to say
this out loud, uh, there's a lot

1460
00:43:59,488 --> 00:44:02,988
of people who feel like there's a
hierarchy in the communities mm-hmm.

1461
00:44:02,989 --> 00:44:04,258
Levels of hotness, stuff like that.

1462
00:44:04,258 --> 00:44:04,268
Mm-hmm.

1463
00:44:04,343 --> 00:44:09,138
I don't levels of
popularity, ETCE, tc, but

1464
00:44:09,168 --> 00:44:09,648
Yeah.

1465
00:44:09,708 --> 00:44:10,698
And there is,

1466
00:44:10,758 --> 00:44:12,528
and there is, there can be there.

1467
00:44:12,528 --> 00:44:14,268
It all depends on, on who you are.

1468
00:44:14,688 --> 00:44:17,388
Uh, but I've had, you know,
we we're very inclusive.

1469
00:44:17,388 --> 00:44:18,468
We talk to everybody.

1470
00:44:18,468 --> 00:44:18,558
Mm-hmm.

1471
00:44:18,798 --> 00:44:19,878
It doesn't matter you look like mm-hmm.

1472
00:44:19,878 --> 00:44:20,688
Or anything like that.

1473
00:44:20,808 --> 00:44:24,798
And I've talked to people and they've
been like, man, you guys are, are

1474
00:44:24,798 --> 00:44:28,648
so popular and people like to just
come talk to you and stuff like that.

1475
00:44:29,218 --> 00:44:30,598
Nobody talks to us.

1476
00:44:31,348 --> 00:44:32,938
Nobody ever wants to talk to us.

1477
00:44:33,438 --> 00:44:35,388
Nobody even talks about us.

1478
00:44:35,838 --> 00:44:35,928
Yeah.

1479
00:44:35,928 --> 00:44:37,308
People talk about you guys.

1480
00:44:37,758 --> 00:44:40,968
And I'm like, well, that, that
doesn't sound good at all.

1481
00:44:41,468 --> 00:44:41,678
At

1482
00:44:41,678 --> 00:44:41,918
all.

1483
00:44:41,918 --> 00:44:43,693
And I think, I think they
meant it in a good way.

1484
00:44:43,693 --> 00:44:43,753
Yeah.

1485
00:44:43,753 --> 00:44:46,543
That people talk about us, but, uh,
you know, it's, it's one of, and he's

1486
00:44:46,543 --> 00:44:48,103
like, man, nobody even talks about us.

1487
00:44:48,103 --> 00:44:48,943
And I'm like, you know what?

1488
00:44:49,443 --> 00:44:49,653
I,

1489
00:44:49,983 --> 00:44:51,423
we're in the forefront.

1490
00:44:51,423 --> 00:44:52,473
It's a little different.

1491
00:44:52,478 --> 00:44:52,838
It's different.

1492
00:44:52,838 --> 00:44:55,113
Like we put ourselves out there.

1493
00:44:55,143 --> 00:44:55,563
Yeah.

1494
00:44:55,613 --> 00:44:56,153
You're gonna,

1495
00:44:56,153 --> 00:44:57,173
we're public, public

1496
00:44:57,178 --> 00:44:57,308
facing.

1497
00:44:57,308 --> 00:44:59,723
You're gonna gossip about us,
you're gonna judge us, you're gonna

1498
00:44:59,723 --> 00:45:02,023
end, you're gonna say whatever.

1499
00:45:02,263 --> 00:45:02,563
Yeah.

1500
00:45:02,633 --> 00:45:04,433
Only one of us is gonna
care what you say about

1501
00:45:04,613 --> 00:45:07,283
Well, so I, and I will
say, that was funny.

1502
00:45:07,523 --> 00:45:14,623
I will say though, I have gotten better
about not taking bad comments to heart.

1503
00:45:14,683 --> 00:45:14,863
Yeah.

1504
00:45:14,863 --> 00:45:16,028
That's, and I mean, just recently mm-hmm.

1505
00:45:16,153 --> 00:45:18,133
Like, this has been
the past couple months.

1506
00:45:18,133 --> 00:45:18,193
Yeah.

1507
00:45:18,593 --> 00:45:21,143
I really try, especially
if it's on social media or

1508
00:45:21,143 --> 00:45:21,473
Yeah.

1509
00:45:21,713 --> 00:45:22,103
Foul.

1510
00:45:22,133 --> 00:45:22,853
And that's our community

1511
00:45:22,853 --> 00:45:24,803
comments on YouTube, things like that.

1512
00:45:24,803 --> 00:45:27,473
Like, I, I just don't, I'm
not thinking anything of it.

1513
00:45:27,473 --> 00:45:29,423
I don't even respond
to it most of the time.

1514
00:45:29,853 --> 00:45:30,603
Because.

1515
00:45:31,103 --> 00:45:32,843
This space is not real.

1516
00:45:33,083 --> 00:45:33,323
Yeah.

1517
00:45:33,323 --> 00:45:33,653
Online.

1518
00:45:33,833 --> 00:45:38,183
Online is if they come up to my
door and they tell me when I open

1519
00:45:38,183 --> 00:45:39,923
the door, Hey, your show sucks.

1520
00:45:39,928 --> 00:45:40,148
Mm-hmm.

1521
00:45:40,403 --> 00:45:42,023
You know, then I'll be
like, well, fuck, man.

1522
00:45:42,023 --> 00:45:42,683
That sucks.

1523
00:45:42,863 --> 00:45:43,043
Yeah.

1524
00:45:43,073 --> 00:45:44,873
But you make a comment on my thing.

1525
00:45:45,023 --> 00:45:45,713
Whatever dude.

1526
00:45:45,863 --> 00:45:46,283
Yeah.

1527
00:45:46,523 --> 00:45:47,423
Delete, delete, delete.

1528
00:45:47,603 --> 00:45:48,113
It's all good.

1529
00:45:48,653 --> 00:45:52,223
Uh, so I, I've gotten better about
not taking those things to heart,

1530
00:45:52,223 --> 00:45:56,453
but primarily because we are public
facing, people do gossip about us.

1531
00:45:56,458 --> 00:45:56,548
Mm-hmm.

1532
00:45:56,733 --> 00:45:58,803
People do pass judgment on us often.

1533
00:45:59,313 --> 00:45:59,523
Um,

1534
00:45:59,553 --> 00:46:00,333
I'm mouthy,

1535
00:46:00,663 --> 00:46:01,808
this woman is mouthy.

1536
00:46:01,928 --> 00:46:02,703
I am mouthy.

1537
00:46:02,763 --> 00:46:05,013
I'm mouthy here, I'm mouthy online.

1538
00:46:05,133 --> 00:46:08,013
I am very passionate
about what I believe in.

1539
00:46:08,223 --> 00:46:08,373
Yeah.

1540
00:46:08,373 --> 00:46:09,963
How I wanna live my life.

1541
00:46:10,473 --> 00:46:11,013
Yeah.

1542
00:46:11,013 --> 00:46:14,733
No, there's a lot of,
um, it is what it is.

1543
00:46:14,943 --> 00:46:15,243
Yeah.

1544
00:46:15,243 --> 00:46:15,438
It is what

1545
00:46:15,438 --> 00:46:17,493
it, it's so, no, the
community isn't always soft.

1546
00:46:18,093 --> 00:46:18,363
No.

1547
00:46:18,363 --> 00:46:21,153
You know, you gotta find your, I'm
not saying you have find your clique,

1548
00:46:21,243 --> 00:46:22,773
you just gotta find people that

1549
00:46:23,013 --> 00:46:23,763
find your tribe.

1550
00:46:24,453 --> 00:46:24,903
Yeah.

1551
00:46:24,903 --> 00:46:25,893
You know, I mean.

1552
00:46:26,763 --> 00:46:29,283
It's okay if people
aren't talking about you.

1553
00:46:29,373 --> 00:46:30,633
It's not a bad thing.

1554
00:46:30,808 --> 00:46:31,528
Yeah, it's

1555
00:46:31,528 --> 00:46:32,088
a good thing.

1556
00:46:32,088 --> 00:46:32,368
It's

1557
00:46:32,368 --> 00:46:32,448
okay.

1558
00:46:32,448 --> 00:46:32,648
Exactly.

1559
00:46:32,808 --> 00:46:33,168
A good thing.

1560
00:46:33,723 --> 00:46:36,303
Uh, you know, it's, it's
not a popularity contest.

1561
00:46:36,303 --> 00:46:36,363
No.

1562
00:46:36,873 --> 00:46:36,993
You know,

1563
00:46:36,993 --> 00:46:37,083
it

1564
00:46:37,083 --> 00:46:38,313
feels like it is.

1565
00:46:38,373 --> 00:46:39,213
It feel like it can be.

1566
00:46:39,243 --> 00:46:39,573
Um,

1567
00:46:39,573 --> 00:46:41,433
you know, that's why I said
it feels like high school.

1568
00:46:41,613 --> 00:46:47,753
It, you know, there's lots of groups,
there's lots of hangout pe people

1569
00:46:47,753 --> 00:46:48,863
that just have little cliques.

1570
00:46:48,863 --> 00:46:51,203
There are there Is that there?

1571
00:46:51,203 --> 00:46:53,393
That is a thing that actually exists.

1572
00:46:53,873 --> 00:46:56,093
It is just like when
you were in high school.

1573
00:46:56,303 --> 00:46:56,603
Yeah.

1574
00:46:56,663 --> 00:47:01,373
Like it really is, and I hate to
say that, but it's the honest truth.

1575
00:47:01,873 --> 00:47:05,983
You find your people, we're all adults
and you just have to be like, Hey,

1576
00:47:05,983 --> 00:47:10,993
well I'm an adult and we hang out with
all different kinds of people like.

1577
00:47:11,548 --> 00:47:15,778
We aren't those judgy, gossipy people.

1578
00:47:15,778 --> 00:47:15,838
Yeah.

1579
00:47:16,228 --> 00:47:19,048
I mean, I like cheese Min
just like the next person.

1580
00:47:19,078 --> 00:47:19,438
Yeah.

1581
00:47:19,438 --> 00:47:19,768
Yeah.

1582
00:47:19,768 --> 00:47:22,708
I mean, you could spill the tea
with us, but I don't wanna be in the

1583
00:47:22,708 --> 00:47:22,918
tea.

1584
00:47:22,918 --> 00:47:23,398
Yeah.

1585
00:47:23,398 --> 00:47:24,868
I don't wanna be in the tea at all.

1586
00:47:25,498 --> 00:47:25,768
That's right.

1587
00:47:25,768 --> 00:47:25,818
Don't put me in thet.

1588
00:47:26,233 --> 00:47:29,548
But yeah, no, I mean, yeah,
it's not always, I mean, gosh, I

1589
00:47:29,548 --> 00:47:31,228
have been called so many things.

1590
00:47:31,243 --> 00:47:31,533
Yeah.

1591
00:47:31,678 --> 00:47:31,978
Yeah.

1592
00:47:31,978 --> 00:47:34,293
And we've had drama erupt with
us, you know, we've had drama.

1593
00:47:34,558 --> 00:47:36,328
It's what it is that,
and it's gonna happen.

1594
00:47:36,388 --> 00:47:36,628
Yeah.

1595
00:47:36,628 --> 00:47:40,668
If, if you are involved in the
community, you, it's a diverse community.

1596
00:47:40,668 --> 00:47:41,643
It's gonna happen.

1597
00:47:41,673 --> 00:47:42,708
It's gonna happen.

1598
00:47:42,708 --> 00:47:44,538
Uh, you just have to be an adult about it.

1599
00:47:44,538 --> 00:47:46,098
And set social boundaries.

1600
00:47:46,128 --> 00:47:46,788
Yes.

1601
00:47:46,788 --> 00:47:48,198
Set those social boundaries.

1602
00:47:48,228 --> 00:47:48,378
Yes.

1603
00:47:48,378 --> 00:47:52,248
You know, it's not just about boundaries
sexually, it's boundaries socially.

1604
00:47:52,278 --> 00:47:52,488
Yes.

1605
00:47:52,848 --> 00:47:57,798
No, uh, like for us, example is
that we can't be around a lot

1606
00:47:57,798 --> 00:47:59,328
of people who are too sauced.

1607
00:47:59,628 --> 00:47:59,868
No.

1608
00:48:00,418 --> 00:48:04,318
If we go to a meet and greet and people
are getting wasted, sloppy, drunk.

1609
00:48:04,798 --> 00:48:05,218
That

1610
00:48:05,278 --> 00:48:05,788
out of there.

1611
00:48:05,848 --> 00:48:07,558
That is a trigger.

1612
00:48:07,558 --> 00:48:07,618
Yeah.

1613
00:48:07,828 --> 00:48:08,878
Talk about a trigger.

1614
00:48:08,878 --> 00:48:09,658
That is a trigger.

1615
00:48:09,658 --> 00:48:10,918
We are not alcoholics.

1616
00:48:10,918 --> 00:48:10,978
No.

1617
00:48:10,978 --> 00:48:11,578
That did not.

1618
00:48:11,908 --> 00:48:12,688
We are not.

1619
00:48:12,688 --> 00:48:12,748
No.

1620
00:48:13,048 --> 00:48:18,858
But to have that kind of person around
us that can't control themselves.

1621
00:48:19,788 --> 00:48:20,118
Yeah.

1622
00:48:20,118 --> 00:48:22,363
It's, it's very irritable to me.

1623
00:48:22,963 --> 00:48:23,623
Meet people.

1624
00:48:23,623 --> 00:48:24,253
Who are you?

1625
00:48:24,313 --> 00:48:25,873
They're visibly on drugs.

1626
00:48:26,023 --> 00:48:26,083
Yeah.

1627
00:48:26,473 --> 00:48:27,223
Heavy drugs.

1628
00:48:27,313 --> 00:48:27,373
Yeah.

1629
00:48:28,223 --> 00:48:31,043
You know, it's, it's one of those
things where the moment you see

1630
00:48:31,043 --> 00:48:32,783
it, you just kind of back away.

1631
00:48:32,783 --> 00:48:32,843
Yeah.

1632
00:48:32,933 --> 00:48:35,333
And you, you know, you're
setting that social boundary.

1633
00:48:35,333 --> 00:48:36,443
Sorry, but that's not for me.

1634
00:48:36,503 --> 00:48:36,593
Oh.

1635
00:48:36,773 --> 00:48:39,113
And that's so hard for me
'cause I could tell so quickly.

1636
00:48:39,118 --> 00:48:40,313
Oh, I know.

1637
00:48:40,313 --> 00:48:41,693
And I can't, I'm oblivious.

1638
00:48:42,193 --> 00:48:42,293
I can tell so quickly.

1639
00:48:42,403 --> 00:48:43,093
I'm oblivious.

1640
00:48:44,083 --> 00:48:44,953
Social boundaries for sure.

1641
00:48:44,953 --> 00:48:46,843
Social boundaries do it to it.

1642
00:48:46,843 --> 00:48:46,933
Mm-hmm.

1643
00:48:47,173 --> 00:48:47,623
All the way.

1644
00:48:48,123 --> 00:48:51,093
Growth isn't sexy, it's honest.

1645
00:48:51,663 --> 00:48:52,023
I dunno.

1646
00:48:52,023 --> 00:48:53,463
I think growth is pretty damn sexy too.

1647
00:48:53,668 --> 00:48:55,323
I mean, I have grown a lot.

1648
00:48:55,923 --> 00:48:56,793
You have grown a lot.

1649
00:48:56,793 --> 00:48:56,823
Yeah.

1650
00:48:56,823 --> 00:48:57,428
I think that's so sexy.

1651
00:48:58,428 --> 00:49:00,258
Swinging exposes cracks.

1652
00:49:00,408 --> 00:49:00,678
Yeah.

1653
00:49:00,678 --> 00:49:01,578
Especially, but cracks

1654
00:49:01,578 --> 00:49:02,058
It does,

1655
00:49:02,533 --> 00:49:04,968
it, it exposes cracks
in your relationship.

1656
00:49:04,968 --> 00:49:06,913
It can ex if you're not
in a relationship, if

1657
00:49:06,913 --> 00:49:07,353
your're solo.

1658
00:49:07,513 --> 00:49:07,673
I know.

1659
00:49:07,673 --> 00:49:08,808
I don't wanna say the cracks.

1660
00:49:09,308 --> 00:49:09,518
It's,

1661
00:49:09,518 --> 00:49:10,298
I feel like cracks was good.

1662
00:49:10,358 --> 00:49:14,408
No, it's, it exposes different layers.

1663
00:49:14,908 --> 00:49:17,218
So like we didn't always communicate.

1664
00:49:17,218 --> 00:49:18,628
We thought we communicated pretty good.

1665
00:49:18,658 --> 00:49:19,168
We thought so.

1666
00:49:19,168 --> 00:49:19,258
Yeah.

1667
00:49:19,378 --> 00:49:21,388
But we really didn't.

1668
00:49:21,568 --> 00:49:21,838
No.

1669
00:49:21,928 --> 00:49:23,548
And we started growing and growing.

1670
00:49:23,908 --> 00:49:26,428
And could that be considered a crack?

1671
00:49:26,928 --> 00:49:27,208
Well, if

1672
00:49:27,208 --> 00:49:27,893
it was just a layer,

1673
00:49:28,038 --> 00:49:30,078
if we didn't learn how
to communicate better

1674
00:49:30,078 --> 00:49:30,348
Yeah.

1675
00:49:30,348 --> 00:49:31,128
It was a crack.

1676
00:49:31,368 --> 00:49:31,758
Yeah.

1677
00:49:32,068 --> 00:49:35,188
If we didn't learn how
to fix it, and both grow.

1678
00:49:35,858 --> 00:49:37,238
To be where we're at now.

1679
00:49:37,298 --> 00:49:37,538
Yeah.

1680
00:49:37,538 --> 00:49:38,228
Total crack.

1681
00:49:38,648 --> 00:49:42,008
Because what we went through
as being poly, you could have

1682
00:49:42,008 --> 00:49:43,328
easily had resentment towards me.

1683
00:49:43,538 --> 00:49:43,598
Yeah.

1684
00:49:43,598 --> 00:49:45,278
If we hadn't ever talked about things.

1685
00:49:45,818 --> 00:49:48,788
There was a lot of stuff that,
that we both revealed to each

1686
00:49:48,788 --> 00:49:52,178
other when we communicated
after stepping back from poly.

1687
00:49:52,178 --> 00:49:52,868
Mm-hmm.

1688
00:49:52,869 --> 00:49:54,458
That I learned a lot more about you.

1689
00:49:54,758 --> 00:49:56,408
I learned about our relationship.

1690
00:49:56,408 --> 00:49:58,358
There was a lot of stuff
that I did not know

1691
00:49:58,508 --> 00:49:58,838
Yeah.

1692
00:49:58,928 --> 00:49:59,738
That you knew.

1693
00:50:00,578 --> 00:50:01,808
And so, yeah.

1694
00:50:01,928 --> 00:50:03,608
I, I would definitely say that, that it,

1695
00:50:03,633 --> 00:50:04,033
I like it,

1696
00:50:04,283 --> 00:50:06,358
It, it can expose cracks Yeah.

1697
00:50:06,363 --> 00:50:07,413
In your relationship.

1698
00:50:07,693 --> 00:50:12,073
If you're solo, if you aren't in
a relationship, how you interact

1699
00:50:12,073 --> 00:50:15,463
with others, how you, uh, if you
show respect, if you're pushy or

1700
00:50:15,463 --> 00:50:18,723
anything like that's gonna show, it's
gonna show cracks in your own self.

1701
00:50:18,723 --> 00:50:21,933
And you have to be able to realize,
you have to be able to sit back and go,

1702
00:50:21,933 --> 00:50:24,723
okay, accountability time, is it me?

1703
00:50:25,223 --> 00:50:25,943
Is it me?

1704
00:50:26,213 --> 00:50:29,723
Uh, you really, you really gotta,
you gotta be honest with yourself.

1705
00:50:29,728 --> 00:50:29,768
Yeah.

1706
00:50:29,963 --> 00:50:30,083
Yeah.

1707
00:50:30,113 --> 00:50:32,213
Don't just be honest with others.

1708
00:50:32,213 --> 00:50:33,263
Be honest with yourself.

1709
00:50:33,413 --> 00:50:33,743
Yeah.

1710
00:50:33,813 --> 00:50:36,213
Take accountability for who you
are and anything that you've

1711
00:50:36,213 --> 00:50:38,673
done and try to make it right.

1712
00:50:38,678 --> 00:50:38,848
Mm-hmm.

1713
00:50:38,998 --> 00:50:39,288
Grow.

1714
00:50:39,308 --> 00:50:39,728
Mm-hmm.

1715
00:50:40,228 --> 00:50:40,708
For sure.

1716
00:50:41,068 --> 00:50:42,418
And it forces communication.

1717
00:50:42,418 --> 00:50:44,038
So like, you wanna talk about everything,

1718
00:50:44,538 --> 00:50:45,208
everything.

1719
00:50:45,213 --> 00:50:48,683
And, and so you talk and that makes
you grow, makes you understand,

1720
00:50:48,683 --> 00:50:52,313
makes you I don't even know what
the word is, but Yes, it does.

1721
00:50:52,313 --> 00:50:52,403
That

1722
00:50:52,903 --> 00:50:53,773
I freaking love you.

1723
00:50:54,273 --> 00:50:54,543
Yeah.

1724
00:50:54,543 --> 00:50:55,743
You know, it, it, uh,

1725
00:50:56,313 --> 00:51:00,113
I really love that we, um,
that we have this podcast.

1726
00:51:00,383 --> 00:51:00,623
Yeah.

1727
00:51:00,683 --> 00:51:02,303
And primarily, you know.

1728
00:51:02,933 --> 00:51:03,353
I mean, yeah.

1729
00:51:03,353 --> 00:51:07,313
Going back to the validation is
addicting, obviously, but I really

1730
00:51:07,313 --> 00:51:11,493
love that we have this podcast
because you have grown so much

1731
00:51:11,613 --> 00:51:11,973
Yeah.

1732
00:51:12,033 --> 00:51:15,153
Over the, the span of that time
because just talking things

1733
00:51:15,153 --> 00:51:16,563
through is very therapeutic.

1734
00:51:16,893 --> 00:51:21,228
We have great communication, uh,
with each other on average, but then

1735
00:51:21,303 --> 00:51:25,623
you put on this show, and obviously
we have even better communication.

1736
00:51:25,623 --> 00:51:30,363
We have to talk about things because,
our relationship is basically on

1737
00:51:30,363 --> 00:51:35,183
the stage for the whole world to
see, uh, so, we don't wanna be fakes

1738
00:51:35,183 --> 00:51:37,043
about this, what you see between us.

1739
00:51:37,043 --> 00:51:41,123
This is real, this is our relationship,
whether we're hitting record or not.

1740
00:51:41,813 --> 00:51:48,473
Uh, and that it takes a, a very
emotionally strong emotional intelligence

1741
00:51:48,653 --> 00:51:48,923
Yeah.

1742
00:51:49,583 --> 00:51:51,293
To be able to, to do that.

1743
00:51:51,293 --> 00:51:51,413
Mm-hmm.

1744
00:51:51,653 --> 00:51:54,233
And so I think it, I think growth is sexy.

1745
00:51:54,683 --> 00:51:55,073
It is.

1746
00:51:55,703 --> 00:51:56,093
I do.

1747
00:51:56,093 --> 00:51:56,113
I do.

1748
00:51:56,613 --> 00:52:00,783
So with that being said, what do you
wish that somebody warned you about

1749
00:52:01,443 --> 00:52:04,173
and what would you tell your past self?

1750
00:52:04,293 --> 00:52:04,593
Ooh.

1751
00:52:05,308 --> 00:52:05,548
I know.

1752
00:52:05,553 --> 00:52:07,108
I would, I would've a
lot to say to my past.

1753
00:52:07,108 --> 00:52:08,373
That's a whole nother show.

1754
00:52:08,373 --> 00:52:08,833
Whole nother,

1755
00:52:08,833 --> 00:52:10,563
those two questions are a whole nother

1756
00:52:10,563 --> 00:52:10,743
show.

1757
00:52:10,743 --> 00:52:11,973
I'm telling you actually those are.

1758
00:52:12,333 --> 00:52:13,173
Probably good topics.

1759
00:52:13,173 --> 00:52:13,983
I may look into that.

1760
00:52:14,493 --> 00:52:18,663
Anyways, if this episode made you feel
seen, we're really glad that you're here.

1761
00:52:19,263 --> 00:52:21,993
And if you're new and you're feeling
overwhelmed, you're not broken.

1762
00:52:22,053 --> 00:52:22,923
You're just human.

1763
00:52:23,463 --> 00:52:23,703
Yeah.

1764
00:52:23,703 --> 00:52:28,413
So if you wanna share your story or what
you wish you'd known, like I said earlier

1765
00:52:28,443 --> 00:52:34,953
in the show, head to www.beyond.com and
submit a Beyond Monogamy confessional.

1766
00:52:34,983 --> 00:52:37,533
It's completely anonymous, guys.

1767
00:52:37,533 --> 00:52:38,163
It's incredible.

1768
00:52:38,373 --> 00:52:39,183
That's right.

1769
00:52:39,183 --> 00:52:41,013
And while you're on the site.

1770
00:52:41,403 --> 00:52:44,523
You know, you can check out
all of our other episodes.

1771
00:52:44,973 --> 00:52:48,663
We have guest bios, we have blogs,
we have Merge, we have upcoming

1772
00:52:48,663 --> 00:52:52,383
events, and a ton of resources
that we built for the community.

1773
00:52:52,443 --> 00:52:52,833
Yes.

1774
00:52:52,833 --> 00:52:55,473
And we're trying to bring more on board.

1775
00:52:55,743 --> 00:52:56,373
Don't forget that.

1776
00:52:56,373 --> 00:53:01,233
You can also listen to Beyond Monogamy
Streaming on full swap radio.com every

1777
00:53:01,233 --> 00:53:03,483
Thursday at 2:00 PM and 7:00 PM Central.

1778
00:53:03,603 --> 00:53:03,903
Yeah.

1779
00:53:03,903 --> 00:53:04,953
And don't forget to follow us.

1780
00:53:04,953 --> 00:53:08,313
We can follow us on Spotify and
Apple Podcasts and share this episode

1781
00:53:08,313 --> 00:53:09,933
with someone who might need it.

1782
00:53:10,113 --> 00:53:10,893
Pretty please.

1783
00:53:10,893 --> 00:53:11,793
Pretty please.

1784
00:53:11,823 --> 00:53:12,183
Yes.

1785
00:53:12,573 --> 00:53:17,223
And with that, we would like to
say thank you for joining us and as

1786
00:53:17,223 --> 00:53:19,593
always, we will see you next week.

1787
00:53:19,863 --> 00:53:20,043
Bye.