Red Flags & Green Flags in the Swinging Lifestyle

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Alright y'all, before we
dive in, a quick heads up.

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This show is raw, real, and
definitely not rated pg.

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We're talking about adult themes, sexual
content, and the kind of stuff you

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probably don't want blasting through your
speakers at work or around your kits.

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So grab some headphones, pour your
drink of choice and get comfy.

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Oh, and just so we're clear, we are not
licensed therapists, counselors, or sex.

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Couches.

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Sex coaches.

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Sex coaches,

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not sex couches

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or just a couple of people sharing our
lives, experiences and sexy adventures.

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An ethical non-monogamy.

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So with that, pull up a
chair and enjoy the show.

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And.

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Hello, and welcome to another
episode of Beyond Monogamy.

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I'm Adam.

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And I'm Pris.

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Also known as La Toxica.

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I'm just kidding.

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The only reason I say that is because
we just recently had a conversation on

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SDC on our live webinar about red flags
and green flags, and so we decided to

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carry it on to Wednesday's quickie.

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That's right.

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That's right.

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So if you missed the SDC
webinar that we just did.

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Sit down, relax.

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Buckle your seatbelt, because
we're gonna get into this.

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We do.

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Yeah.

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And yeah, it was interesting.

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It was interesting.

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It was a lot of fun.

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I, I have to kick us off a quick question.

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Okay.

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And I know I asked it in there,
and I'm gonna, I'm gonna get into

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it again because you, my dear are,
are for lack of a better word Hmm.

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Aldi,

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I'm very maldi.

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Just a tad.

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Yes.

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Just a tiny,

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uh, you're very opinionated.

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I love it.

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Yes.

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I love you for it.

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Yes.

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Uh, but I would like to know

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Red flags as far as men and as far
as women, you're a bisexual woman.

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So you're interested in both
men and women, although you're

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more interested in women.

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Yes.

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Right?

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Yes.

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What are your glaring red flags
when it comes to pursuits of

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men

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and women?

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Um, I think for men, it's when you
have a conversation with me and we're

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cool and we're just being really
friendly for maybe like the first day.

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We're just, you know,
messaging, just bullshit.

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But then the next day or
whenever, you just make it sexual

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super fast, red flag for me.

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Yeah, I don't want
anything to do with you.

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You're never gonna get in these pants.

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Now for women, it's if.

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If we've had conversations already
and say it's a woman in a group text,

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or maybe just say it's a single woman
and she's just talking, but she no

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longer is talking to me and she's
more having a conversation with you.

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Mm-hmm.

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And just kind of leaves me out.

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Like say we have a group text and
they, she answers you and never

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comes back to the group text.

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But I know she's already texted you.

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Yeah.

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Like, maybe not about that.

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It's like, nah, there you go.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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I've lost interest.

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That's a red flag for me because I
feel like you're not respecting my

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boundaries or you think I'm a nobody.

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Yeah.

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And no.

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Yeah, no,

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I am a somebody.

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We, we have had that.

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Yeah, we have

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come up before.

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Um,

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now do me a favor.

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Repeat that first one right quick.

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Just remind me what the

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first one is.

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When men have conversations
with me when they're regular

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and, and they send a, a dick
pic or they turn it sexual, or

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they just turn it sexual.

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Now it, that does not
apply to women though.

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So if you're talking to a woman
and say she sends you a nude real

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fast, is that a red flag to you?

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No.

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But if a man does it, it's

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yes.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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Now, if

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different standards for different

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gender, if a turns its sexual right away,

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Uhhuh,

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that's a red flag.

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Yes.

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But if a woman turns it sexual right away

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because I'm all down for it.

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No

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really.

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Double standards

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a

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thing, double standards, they are a thing.

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Um,

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they're

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a thing.

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I, it's very hard for me.

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I feel like the men in the
lifestyle just want one thing.

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You just wanna have sex, which is great.

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Well, isn't that what

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we're all here

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for?

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Yes.

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Great.

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Perfect.

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I, I

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thought that's what you wanted.

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It is

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Uhhuh,

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but I don't always want it with men.

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Fair.

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I'm in this lifestyle.

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For women.

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That's

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right.

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Yes.

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I play with men.

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It's very hard to be a person,
a man that I play with.

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It's not easy because

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you gotta jump through some hoops.

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You do.

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And also, I'm gonna also be
very straight up for women.

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You have to jump through hoops also.

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Like I wanna, I'm gonna
verify that you are a person.

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I know a person I've talked
to before or have met.

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If I have never have, and you
turn it sexual, you're out.

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So it is double

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standard.

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And you know, realistically, a lot of
women, I mean, you have that power, you

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have that power to operate that way,
and there's a lot of women who don't

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realize that they have that power.

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Yeah.

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But this is women centric guys.

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Like you, women can make your rules.

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You have the ability to say
what you want and don't want,

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and hey, power to you do it.

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It's

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hot.

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Yeah.

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I mean, it is, it's different,
it's different rules or boundaries

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that I put for women and men.

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So,

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you know, I have, I have red
flags for men and women, uh,

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even though I'm, I'm straight.

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Mm-hmm.

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Uh, obviously I'm not dating a man or
I'm not doing anything sexual with a man.

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I do have red flags.

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The biggest one for me is
pushiness all day or day.

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When you meet somebody and you know
right away by the second conversation or

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sometimes the first conversation, there
is this sense of urgency I've gotta get.

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I've gotta meet you guys, or I've gotta
talk to your wife, or I've gotta do this.

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Mm-hmm.

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Or I gotta do that.

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Mm-hmm.

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We've gotta set up a play date.

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That's a red flag for

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you.

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Yeah.

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Hold your horses there, man.

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Yeah, because I'm, I'm very
laid back and we're booked out,

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frankly, like by two months.

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What's

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funny is, did you know
you used to be like that?

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So you've said

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Yeah,

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you've said that

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you used to wanna like, really?

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And

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you know what my, and that's why
I can understand this thinking

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because I used to think that way.

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Yeah.

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My thought was, if I don't
meet them right away.

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I'm never gonna have an opportunity.

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Yeah,

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yeah.

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Right.

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As time has come through, I've
realized, look, I'm not going anywhere.

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These people are not going anywhere.

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Yeah.

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And if they do go somewhere,
then it was not meant to be.

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Yeah.

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Um, I was very I wanted my experiences.

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I didn't care about making connections.

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Mm. And now I'm all about connections,
whether we have sex or not.

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Yeah.

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I, I haven't already had my experiences,
guys, if you've listened to the podcast,

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you know, I've had my experiences.

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And so that's not my pursuit anymore.

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Mm-hmm.

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My pursuit is connections.

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Yeah.

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Uh, and I think that's, that's
really, it's an understandable red

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flag, but a red flag nonetheless.

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Getting pushy to, to get
to meet this and that.

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Sometimes you'll run into guys as
a husband, you'll get messaged Hey,

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you know, can I, can I at least
see pictures of your wife naked?

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What?

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Do you know that

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not only, not only is that not, uh,
not only is that pushy, but that's.

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Disrespectful.

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Mm-hmm.

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Fuck off.

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You gotta understand my wife
is my most treasured thing to

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me outside of my own children.

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And if I'm going to share her with
anybody, yes, she's independent on her

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own, but I'm gonna share her with anybody.

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I have to approve of the
kind of person you are.

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I have to know who you are.

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Mm-hmm.

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How you operate.

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Because if you're not going to treat my
wife with the respect that I treat my

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wife with, then you can fuck right off.

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I mean, that's the, the
matter of fact about it.

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Period.

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Period.

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End of sentence.

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New chapter.

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Yes.

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Oh,

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thank you.

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It's true.

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I love you.

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It's true.

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And you know, I know a lot
of guys who operate that way.

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Sadly enough.

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I know a lot of guys who do not

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Yeah.

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Operate that way.

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Yeah.

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And hey, you know, it is what it is.

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That's your lane.

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Whatever you

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want, you stay in it.

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That's cool.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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But don't expect to play with
my wife, that's all I'm saying.

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Yeah.

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You know, it's, it's
just not gonna happen.

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And there's very few times that I step
in when my wife is showing interest

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in this, primarily because she's
pickier than I would be for her.

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So I know that if she's
interested in somebody, chances

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are her intuition is good.

267
00:07:58,189 --> 00:08:04,219
But even still how you operate
with me, uh, in front of me.

268
00:08:04,224 --> 00:08:04,344
Mm-hmm.

269
00:08:04,429 --> 00:08:09,169
If I don't see the respect coming through,
if you can't acknowledge me, if you can't

270
00:08:09,169 --> 00:08:11,779
talk to me then it's not gonna happen.

271
00:08:11,839 --> 00:08:12,019
Yeah.

272
00:08:12,109 --> 00:08:13,789
And I don't even have to say anything.

273
00:08:13,789 --> 00:08:16,459
If you don't acknowledge me,
if you don't talk to me, she's

274
00:08:16,459 --> 00:08:17,929
gonna notice before I do.

275
00:08:18,349 --> 00:08:19,879
And she's gonna lose interest.

276
00:08:20,059 --> 00:08:20,179
Mm-hmm.

277
00:08:20,419 --> 00:08:21,829
You know, that's just how that goes.

278
00:08:22,159 --> 00:08:22,339
Yeah.

279
00:08:22,339 --> 00:08:24,589
You know, uh, that's stuff
you gotta think about.

280
00:08:25,089 --> 00:08:25,239
It's,

281
00:08:25,659 --> 00:08:25,989
yeah,

282
00:08:26,229 --> 00:08:30,549
because, I mean, those are like the
major, I don't know, red, red flags.

283
00:08:30,549 --> 00:08:32,979
You just gotta make sure that
you understand and read the

284
00:08:32,979 --> 00:08:34,659
person that you're gonna talk to.

285
00:08:34,719 --> 00:08:39,759
And if you come at me very sexually,
I'm missing to be like, yeah, no.

286
00:08:40,259 --> 00:08:40,499
Yeah,

287
00:08:40,559 --> 00:08:41,249
I get it.

288
00:08:41,249 --> 00:08:43,289
I do get the he of.

289
00:08:43,789 --> 00:08:45,259
Sexual Horny

290
00:08:45,259 --> 00:08:45,679
brain.

291
00:08:45,709 --> 00:08:46,789
Horny brain.

292
00:08:46,794 --> 00:08:47,829
Yeah, I get it.

293
00:08:48,364 --> 00:08:48,574
People

294
00:08:48,574 --> 00:08:48,784
lose

295
00:08:48,784 --> 00:08:49,534
control with brand.

296
00:08:50,164 --> 00:08:50,464
Yeah.

297
00:08:50,464 --> 00:08:55,054
And you've seen, you've probably seen
pictures of us in lingerie or me in

298
00:08:55,054 --> 00:08:58,384
lingerie, and the women that you're
pursuing lingerie, and you, you're

299
00:08:58,384 --> 00:08:59,344
in the li they're in the lifestyle.

300
00:08:59,374 --> 00:09:00,394
You think you're entitled.

301
00:09:00,404 --> 00:09:01,784
It's not, it's entitlement.

302
00:09:01,784 --> 00:09:04,034
That's the red flag I
feel for a lot of men.

303
00:09:04,634 --> 00:09:04,934
Uh, for

304
00:09:04,934 --> 00:09:05,294
men.

305
00:09:05,294 --> 00:09:07,514
And that's, uh, what we were
talking about the other day.

306
00:09:07,514 --> 00:09:10,594
You had said, it's not that I hate men.

307
00:09:10,654 --> 00:09:11,614
I don't hate men.

308
00:09:11,614 --> 00:09:11,674
No.

309
00:09:11,674 --> 00:09:13,804
There's actually a lot
of men I, I do enjoy.

310
00:09:14,224 --> 00:09:17,104
It's the men who feel entitled.

311
00:09:17,254 --> 00:09:17,734
Entitled.

312
00:09:18,274 --> 00:09:20,974
And this can go on from your
regular life to your lifestyle.

313
00:09:21,454 --> 00:09:22,924
And actually, for me, it does.

314
00:09:22,984 --> 00:09:28,799
I do not like men who come off
entitled, it's not it don't go there.

315
00:09:28,949 --> 00:09:29,939
I am my own person.

316
00:09:29,939 --> 00:09:30,779
I do my own thing.

317
00:09:30,779 --> 00:09:32,279
I can say no anytime I want.

318
00:09:32,669 --> 00:09:34,859
I could not like you today
and maybe like you tomorrow.

319
00:09:34,859 --> 00:09:38,129
That's my prerogative,
not yours, but it is what?

320
00:09:38,129 --> 00:09:38,309
It's

321
00:09:38,309 --> 00:09:38,969
she's, she's a cat.

322
00:09:39,469 --> 00:09:40,519
It's a female cat.

323
00:09:41,019 --> 00:09:43,989
Ladies and gentlemen, she'll
love you one day and they'll

324
00:09:43,989 --> 00:09:46,269
she'll show you her butt the next

325
00:09:46,299 --> 00:09:49,629
Yes, she walks away and like for women
too, I mean, they're the same way.

326
00:09:49,629 --> 00:09:51,399
If you don't show me respect.

327
00:09:52,014 --> 00:09:54,324
And it's just me and you, not
even my husband's involved.

328
00:09:54,324 --> 00:09:57,314
If you just wanna show
me respect, then I'm out.

329
00:09:57,734 --> 00:10:00,154
And, you know, it's a simple
it, it really doesn't take much.

330
00:10:00,154 --> 00:10:00,904
It's simple.

331
00:10:00,904 --> 00:10:00,964
No.

332
00:10:00,964 --> 00:10:03,519
It's, uh, you know, a handshake.

333
00:10:03,549 --> 00:10:04,329
It's a hello.

334
00:10:04,334 --> 00:10:04,594
Mm-hmm.

335
00:10:04,694 --> 00:10:04,994
You know?

336
00:10:04,994 --> 00:10:05,004
Mm-hmm.

337
00:10:05,459 --> 00:10:05,759
Yeah.

338
00:10:05,759 --> 00:10:07,049
You, I understand.

339
00:10:07,049 --> 00:10:08,939
You don't want to talk to
me, you want to talk to her.

340
00:10:08,969 --> 00:10:09,509
That's cool.

341
00:10:10,019 --> 00:10:13,079
But have the respect to
acknowledge that I'm here

342
00:10:13,199 --> 00:10:13,469
Yes.

343
00:10:13,799 --> 00:10:14,814
And that I am.

344
00:10:15,314 --> 00:10:16,214
Attached to her.

345
00:10:16,244 --> 00:10:16,454
Yes.

346
00:10:16,884 --> 00:10:18,774
Because that's disrespectful.

347
00:10:18,774 --> 00:10:18,864
Mm-hmm.

348
00:10:19,164 --> 00:10:19,794
You know what I mean?

349
00:10:20,034 --> 00:10:23,214
Now as far as my gr my red flag for women.

350
00:10:23,454 --> 00:10:23,724
Yeah.

351
00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:26,084
I, I really should have
thought about this.

352
00:10:26,444 --> 00:10:31,339
Uh, but as far as my red flag
for women I notice and you know,

353
00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:33,049
sometimes it's a, it's a neediness.

354
00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:33,109
Yeah.

355
00:10:33,619 --> 00:10:35,689
There's a neediness that I will see.

356
00:10:35,719 --> 00:10:36,439
Do you see it now?

357
00:10:36,619 --> 00:10:37,009
I do.

358
00:10:37,189 --> 00:10:37,369
No,

359
00:10:37,399 --> 00:10:38,689
I do now.

360
00:10:39,049 --> 00:10:39,889
I didn't used to.

361
00:10:40,009 --> 00:10:41,029
Uh, I do now.

362
00:10:41,479 --> 00:10:45,019
Uh, and I think maybe because as
I get older, I value my time more.

363
00:10:45,519 --> 00:10:47,499
I don't wanna waste my
time with just anybody.

364
00:10:48,369 --> 00:10:49,839
But yeah, I do see it.

365
00:10:49,839 --> 00:10:50,139
Excuse me.

366
00:10:50,639 --> 00:10:51,269
Throat got dry.

367
00:10:51,769 --> 00:10:52,429
Yeah, I do.

368
00:10:52,429 --> 00:10:53,689
I do see it though.

369
00:10:53,719 --> 00:10:56,929
Uh, the neediness will
appear after a while.

370
00:10:57,919 --> 00:11:01,509
Uh, because we do what we do
and we're constantly talking to

371
00:11:01,509 --> 00:11:05,359
people and we're constantly we're
constantly on, I guess you could say.

372
00:11:05,359 --> 00:11:05,449
Right.

373
00:11:05,949 --> 00:11:09,609
The time that I have that I
don't have to be on, I value.

374
00:11:10,329 --> 00:11:10,389
I

375
00:11:10,484 --> 00:11:10,644
gotcha.

376
00:11:10,744 --> 00:11:14,679
Um, and so if I have
people that I'm talking to.

377
00:11:15,294 --> 00:11:17,334
They have to be genuine with me.

378
00:11:17,424 --> 00:11:17,454
Mm.

379
00:11:17,634 --> 00:11:19,344
So that I can be genuine with them.

380
00:11:19,349 --> 00:11:19,529
Mm-hmm.

381
00:11:19,854 --> 00:11:23,184
I don't want to feel like I have to be on.

382
00:11:23,189 --> 00:11:23,609
Mm-hmm.

383
00:11:23,904 --> 00:11:26,604
I don't want feel like I
have to be constantly on you

384
00:11:26,604 --> 00:11:27,594
wanna talk to me as a friend?

385
00:11:27,594 --> 00:11:27,984
Cool.

386
00:11:28,494 --> 00:11:28,764
But.

387
00:11:29,124 --> 00:11:31,074
Don't expect it every single day.

388
00:11:31,134 --> 00:11:34,324
You know, let me have,
take things at my own pace.

389
00:11:34,324 --> 00:11:34,384
Yeah.

390
00:11:34,624 --> 00:11:37,984
Don't expect me, you know, don't
guilt me into, Hey, you know

391
00:11:37,984 --> 00:11:39,244
you didn't message me yesterday.

392
00:11:39,304 --> 00:11:39,574
Yeah.

393
00:11:39,724 --> 00:11:40,954
Whoa.

394
00:11:40,954 --> 00:11:41,374
There.

395
00:11:41,374 --> 00:11:42,034
Say that chappy.

396
00:11:42,274 --> 00:11:42,784
Oh my god.

397
00:11:42,789 --> 00:11:45,499
And if I wouldn get his phone
and read that, I would be like,

398
00:11:46,459 --> 00:11:49,114
I would have to like reply to
that message and be like, nah,

399
00:11:49,999 --> 00:11:50,219
nah.

400
00:11:50,284 --> 00:11:51,154
Pump them brakes.

401
00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:51,604
No.

402
00:11:51,604 --> 00:11:52,534
Pump their brakes girl.

403
00:11:52,624 --> 00:11:53,104
Them brakes.

404
00:11:53,164 --> 00:11:53,764
You kidding?

405
00:11:53,764 --> 00:11:54,484
Crazy.

406
00:11:54,984 --> 00:11:56,214
I don't wanna have your baby.

407
00:11:56,714 --> 00:12:00,134
So listen, that's, and it's come
up but it's happened before.

408
00:12:00,134 --> 00:12:01,244
It's happened before.

409
00:12:01,244 --> 00:12:01,889
It has happened before.

410
00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:02,089
It has

411
00:12:02,249 --> 00:12:02,329
happened

412
00:12:02,429 --> 00:12:02,849
before,

413
00:12:03,074 --> 00:12:03,374
yes.

414
00:12:03,374 --> 00:12:07,964
And lemme tell you, uh, when it
happens, boy, is it a conversation?

415
00:12:08,294 --> 00:12:08,354
Yeah.

416
00:12:08,454 --> 00:12:09,564
Not a cool one either.

417
00:12:09,684 --> 00:12:09,984
No,

418
00:12:09,984 --> 00:12:10,644
not a cool one.

419
00:12:10,674 --> 00:12:10,794
Yeah.

420
00:12:10,794 --> 00:12:12,204
You never like to have those conversations

421
00:12:12,204 --> 00:12:12,354
before?

422
00:12:12,354 --> 00:12:13,344
No, I don't.

423
00:12:13,794 --> 00:12:16,524
So I'm a very positive, very happy person.

424
00:12:16,524 --> 00:12:19,584
I don't like to have these,
uh, uncomfortable conversations

425
00:12:19,584 --> 00:12:20,724
if I don't have to have them.

426
00:12:20,784 --> 00:12:22,464
I will if I have to.

427
00:12:22,524 --> 00:12:22,884
Yeah.

428
00:12:22,914 --> 00:12:26,694
But I normally like to see
how things kind of play out.

429
00:12:26,904 --> 00:12:32,464
I normally can see how things
play out but every so often there

430
00:12:32,464 --> 00:12:34,154
will be somebody who comes to the.

431
00:12:34,654 --> 00:12:35,044
Yeah,

432
00:12:35,374 --> 00:12:36,454
and takes his swing.

433
00:12:37,174 --> 00:12:38,374
Swings for the fences.

434
00:12:38,434 --> 00:12:38,584
Yeah.

435
00:12:38,584 --> 00:12:40,864
And, and really, you know, it's
like, hey, take it easy now.

436
00:12:41,554 --> 00:12:45,244
Uh, and you know, there's things
that I have that prevent this.

437
00:12:45,684 --> 00:12:49,584
My phone goes to do not
disturb at eight 30 at night.

438
00:12:49,734 --> 00:12:49,824
Mm-hmm.

439
00:12:50,064 --> 00:12:50,724
Automatically.

440
00:12:51,234 --> 00:12:54,774
So if you're texting me, if you're
messaging me after a certain point, sorry,

441
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,394
but I'm not gonna get those messages.

442
00:12:56,399 --> 00:12:56,599
Mm-hmm.

443
00:12:56,819 --> 00:13:00,144
I'm paying attention to my wife, I'm
hanging out with my kids, whatever.

444
00:13:00,349 --> 00:13:00,709
You know,

445
00:13:01,279 --> 00:13:02,929
um, your kids don't, our
kids don't like us anymore.

446
00:13:03,079 --> 00:13:04,549
It's just, we're just
hanging out together.

447
00:13:05,059 --> 00:13:09,499
The moment that I see any kind
of guilt trip for not messaging

448
00:13:09,499 --> 00:13:15,229
somebody back or messaging them
right away or whatever, yeah.

449
00:13:15,229 --> 00:13:16,159
Anything like that,

450
00:13:16,159 --> 00:13:16,219
yeah.

451
00:13:16,719 --> 00:13:19,159
I will have an instant,
uncomfortable feeling.

452
00:13:19,159 --> 00:13:20,439
Feeling, and I will say.

453
00:13:20,939 --> 00:13:21,719
Red flag.

454
00:13:21,774 --> 00:13:23,244
I will literally tell myself that.

455
00:13:23,244 --> 00:13:24,294
I'll be like, red flag.

456
00:13:24,414 --> 00:13:24,534
Yeah.

457
00:13:24,534 --> 00:13:29,424
Because if I don't say it out loud,
I will internally justify it some

458
00:13:29,424 --> 00:13:31,374
way or another to overlook it.

459
00:13:31,614 --> 00:13:32,004
Right.

460
00:13:32,484 --> 00:13:34,944
And go, that wasn't
what you thought it was.

461
00:13:35,004 --> 00:13:35,304
Yeah.

462
00:13:35,604 --> 00:13:38,834
But if I say it out loud and
I'm like, ah, it was in my

463
00:13:38,834 --> 00:13:40,424
face enough to say it out loud.

464
00:13:40,424 --> 00:13:41,174
Red flag.

465
00:13:41,204 --> 00:13:41,564
Right.

466
00:13:41,804 --> 00:13:42,434
I have it.

467
00:13:42,434 --> 00:13:43,124
I've seen it.

468
00:13:43,124 --> 00:13:44,264
I identified it.

469
00:13:44,764 --> 00:13:47,074
Do, where do I go with this now?

470
00:13:47,134 --> 00:13:47,314
Yeah.

471
00:13:47,314 --> 00:13:51,824
And, and then it's pretty much,
I gotta jokingly or humorously

472
00:13:52,154 --> 00:13:54,504
set a boundary with them

473
00:13:54,624 --> 00:13:59,154
In a nice way, uh, without
it getting too uncomfortable.

474
00:13:59,334 --> 00:13:59,604
Right.

475
00:13:59,814 --> 00:14:02,694
But basically put the message out there.

476
00:14:02,694 --> 00:14:02,934
Yeah.

477
00:14:02,934 --> 00:14:02,964
Uh,

478
00:14:03,624 --> 00:14:05,484
now some people don't take that message.

479
00:14:05,984 --> 00:14:06,884
You could put it nicely.

480
00:14:06,984 --> 00:14:07,884
Some people don't take it.

481
00:14:07,914 --> 00:14:08,244
No.

482
00:14:08,724 --> 00:14:10,284
Some people, uh, get upset.

483
00:14:10,554 --> 00:14:11,124
Yes.

484
00:14:11,694 --> 00:14:13,674
In which case they make it very easy.

485
00:14:14,364 --> 00:14:14,664
Yeah.

486
00:14:15,504 --> 00:14:16,404
To walk away from that.

487
00:14:16,904 --> 00:14:17,954
But it does happen, you know.

488
00:14:18,099 --> 00:14:18,479
It does happen.

489
00:14:18,644 --> 00:14:19,304
Just happens.

490
00:14:19,309 --> 00:14:21,074
It's, it's a, it's a thing.

491
00:14:21,074 --> 00:14:21,344
That's the thing.

492
00:14:21,844 --> 00:14:25,089
Another red flag that we
talked about was pressure.

493
00:14:25,869 --> 00:14:26,349
Pressure.

494
00:14:26,349 --> 00:14:28,629
If the man is pressuring his wife.

495
00:14:28,989 --> 00:14:33,789
Or the woman is pressuring her husband to
be in the lifestyle or things like that.

496
00:14:33,789 --> 00:14:38,049
And you can see it because we actually,
I wanna say that I saw it this weekend.

497
00:14:38,079 --> 00:14:40,809
I saw a woman pressuring her
man to be in the lifestyle.

498
00:14:40,809 --> 00:14:41,559
They went to the club,

499
00:14:41,889 --> 00:14:42,249
is that right?

500
00:14:42,279 --> 00:14:46,689
And she had already tried and she really
wanted to kind of be in the lifestyle.

501
00:14:47,169 --> 00:14:49,899
And so she took him,
but he wasn't into it.

502
00:14:49,929 --> 00:14:51,039
He wasn't liking it.

503
00:14:51,159 --> 00:14:53,589
And so she was really.

504
00:14:54,429 --> 00:14:55,779
Putting on the pressure.

505
00:14:56,139 --> 00:14:59,049
And I thought that was so kind
of sad 'cause I was like, man,

506
00:14:59,049 --> 00:15:00,309
he's just not really into it.

507
00:15:00,829 --> 00:15:03,169
That's, that's the hard part.

508
00:15:03,199 --> 00:15:05,964
And I felt like that was us for.

509
00:15:06,464 --> 00:15:06,839
I don't know.

510
00:15:06,844 --> 00:15:07,064
Yeah.

511
00:15:07,069 --> 00:15:07,169
Yeah.

512
00:15:07,229 --> 00:15:08,879
The first few years.

513
00:15:09,119 --> 00:15:09,359
Yeah.

514
00:15:09,419 --> 00:15:12,269
You know, I was interested
in getting experiences.

515
00:15:12,269 --> 00:15:12,329
Yeah.

516
00:15:12,869 --> 00:15:15,629
And you just weren't
really that interested.

517
00:15:15,629 --> 00:15:15,749
I have.

518
00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:17,309
As you were kind of on board.

519
00:15:17,369 --> 00:15:17,459
Yeah.

520
00:15:17,459 --> 00:15:18,449
But not really.

521
00:15:18,664 --> 00:15:19,584
I, I actually, that

522
00:15:19,584 --> 00:15:20,009
was a rough one.

523
00:15:20,159 --> 00:15:23,669
I have some times where I'm just
not interested at all periods.

524
00:15:23,849 --> 00:15:23,969
Yeah.

525
00:15:24,689 --> 00:15:30,309
There's just I'm very in tune with my body
and my emotional status and my hormones

526
00:15:30,789 --> 00:15:34,059
that I'm just, if I'm not feeling it,
I'm gonna make it uncomfortable for him.

527
00:15:34,059 --> 00:15:34,929
So I just tell him like,

528
00:15:35,199 --> 00:15:35,649
that's true.

529
00:15:35,679 --> 00:15:36,789
I'm not feeling it right now.

530
00:15:36,789 --> 00:15:40,989
Like, maybe it's my meds, maybe
something's just off balance,

531
00:15:40,989 --> 00:15:43,074
but I just need you right now.

532
00:15:43,074 --> 00:15:44,079
I need your time.

533
00:15:44,199 --> 00:15:45,759
I need, you know, some attention.

534
00:15:46,119 --> 00:15:46,419
Yeah.

535
00:15:46,419 --> 00:15:47,139
Or extra attention.

536
00:15:47,139 --> 00:15:50,339
And, you know, uh, I'm
not gonna lie, that can.

537
00:15:51,314 --> 00:15:54,494
If I was self-centered, that
would bother the hell outta me.

538
00:15:55,034 --> 00:15:56,534
But we do this together.

539
00:15:57,034 --> 00:16:00,364
In situations like that, you
know, sometimes if your partner's

540
00:16:00,364 --> 00:16:03,424
asking, Hey, you need to take a
step back, let's take a step back.

541
00:16:03,484 --> 00:16:03,694
Yeah.

542
00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:05,134
I'm a very needy person.

543
00:16:05,344 --> 00:16:05,914
Yes.

544
00:16:06,004 --> 00:16:06,844
I'm very needy.

545
00:16:06,844 --> 00:16:07,114
Um,

546
00:16:07,114 --> 00:16:07,324
that's true.

547
00:16:07,924 --> 00:16:10,624
She's the only person that I
can be okay with being needy.

548
00:16:10,969 --> 00:16:11,649
I mean, I'm needy.

549
00:16:12,169 --> 00:16:14,649
Y you can't sell, but I
literally have my legs on and,

550
00:16:14,909 --> 00:16:18,604
and I'm just show she's got
her legs across me because.

551
00:16:19,104 --> 00:16:21,474
But you know, I mean, that's the,
that's the partnership that we have.

552
00:16:21,474 --> 00:16:21,564
Mm-hmm.

553
00:16:21,839 --> 00:16:23,514
That's the, that's the bond that we have.

554
00:16:23,664 --> 00:16:23,814
Mm-hmm.

555
00:16:24,204 --> 00:16:29,164
I wonder though what is a big, what's
a big green flag for you when you're,

556
00:16:29,524 --> 00:16:32,044
when you're for both men and, and women

557
00:16:32,104 --> 00:16:32,284
for you?

558
00:16:32,289 --> 00:16:34,624
I actually, when I see a
couple that has super, super.

559
00:16:35,324 --> 00:16:36,254
Like our besties.

560
00:16:36,314 --> 00:16:38,024
Super good conversation.

561
00:16:38,024 --> 00:16:39,674
Super good communication.

562
00:16:39,794 --> 00:16:40,034
Yeah.

563
00:16:40,184 --> 00:16:42,524
I find it so freaking sexy.

564
00:16:42,584 --> 00:16:43,064
It is hot.

565
00:16:43,604 --> 00:16:44,474
You know what else?

566
00:16:44,474 --> 00:16:45,674
I'm very, very old school.

567
00:16:45,674 --> 00:16:46,394
I like that.

568
00:16:46,394 --> 00:16:50,014
If you tell me, Hey, even if it's
a guy, Hey, I messaged your husband

569
00:16:50,014 --> 00:16:52,504
to see if I could message you and
your husband said for me to message

570
00:16:52,534 --> 00:16:54,214
you, and you'd say yay or nay.

571
00:16:54,874 --> 00:16:56,974
You just wind yourself a point.

572
00:16:57,874 --> 00:16:59,914
Um, that's a really good green flag.

573
00:17:00,724 --> 00:17:01,234
If it's.

574
00:17:01,879 --> 00:17:06,709
A woman and she's saying she's
being very transparent with me.

575
00:17:07,159 --> 00:17:08,329
Her intentions are clear.

576
00:17:08,929 --> 00:17:09,469
Green flag

577
00:17:10,429 --> 00:17:11,299
communication, baby

578
00:17:11,299 --> 00:17:11,929
communication.

579
00:17:12,019 --> 00:17:12,559
I love it.

580
00:17:12,799 --> 00:17:13,819
That's what it's all about.

581
00:17:13,849 --> 00:17:14,209
Yeah.

582
00:17:14,239 --> 00:17:14,479
Yeah.

583
00:17:14,479 --> 00:17:15,919
Those are, those are some damn good.

584
00:17:16,159 --> 00:17:21,339
Green flags I like, so I like
people who are self-aware.

585
00:17:21,609 --> 00:17:21,939
Yes.

586
00:17:21,969 --> 00:17:26,739
I like people who are constantly
trying to figure themselves out.

587
00:17:27,609 --> 00:17:32,059
Figure out what they want, figure
out how to, better themselves.

588
00:17:32,059 --> 00:17:34,484
You know, obviously that's,
that's the path I'm on.

589
00:17:34,484 --> 00:17:34,764
Mm-hmm.

590
00:17:34,844 --> 00:17:37,209
I'm always trying to better
myself, so when I meet other

591
00:17:37,359 --> 00:17:38,729
people, you're who are like that.

592
00:17:38,759 --> 00:17:38,939
Yeah.

593
00:17:38,939 --> 00:17:39,899
Just, I dig that.

594
00:17:39,989 --> 00:17:40,559
You kind

595
00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:40,679
of

596
00:17:40,679 --> 00:17:41,879
attract those people now.

597
00:17:42,029 --> 00:17:42,419
Yeah.

598
00:17:42,989 --> 00:17:43,209
Now.

599
00:17:43,829 --> 00:17:44,129
You don't

600
00:17:44,129 --> 00:17:44,519
before.

601
00:17:44,519 --> 00:17:45,059
I didn't, don't

602
00:17:45,149 --> 00:17:46,919
you don't attract the ika anymore.

603
00:17:46,954 --> 00:17:47,244
Yeah.

604
00:17:47,244 --> 00:17:48,404
You're the, you're the, you're,

605
00:17:48,404 --> 00:17:48,869
I'm the now You're the

606
00:17:48,869 --> 00:17:49,379
only one.

607
00:17:49,379 --> 00:17:50,249
Now You're the only

608
00:17:50,249 --> 00:17:50,399
one.

609
00:17:50,399 --> 00:17:53,309
And I mentioned, I start, I said that
in the beginning of the, of the show

610
00:17:53,309 --> 00:18:00,379
because we were on a live webinar and
I, they were saying that toxic jealousy

611
00:18:00,379 --> 00:18:03,889
is toxic and insecurities are toxic.

612
00:18:03,889 --> 00:18:08,599
And I'm like, I, I am
100% the toxic woman.

613
00:18:09,229 --> 00:18:12,139
I am the person you should
not date, but not marry.

614
00:18:12,994 --> 00:18:13,624
But she's come

615
00:18:13,624 --> 00:18:14,164
a long way,

616
00:18:14,164 --> 00:18:14,284
you know?

617
00:18:14,284 --> 00:18:15,514
But I know, yeah.

618
00:18:15,514 --> 00:18:18,934
And I know of my red flags
and, you know, my red flags.

619
00:18:18,934 --> 00:18:19,024
Yeah.

620
00:18:19,024 --> 00:18:19,114
You're

621
00:18:19,179 --> 00:18:19,499
self-aware.

622
00:18:19,564 --> 00:18:25,114
I'm self-aware and I, and I do try to
compose myself in a certain manner where

623
00:18:25,114 --> 00:18:28,864
it's not like being very demanding.

624
00:18:28,924 --> 00:18:33,574
I'm just, this is my relationship and this
is what I want, and we're gonna figure

625
00:18:33,574 --> 00:18:35,194
it out together and do what we want.

626
00:18:35,194 --> 00:18:35,254
Yeah.

627
00:18:35,254 --> 00:18:38,049
But I am, I'm a very jealous person.

628
00:18:38,619 --> 00:18:38,889
Yeah.

629
00:18:39,389 --> 00:18:40,919
And I'm not jealous of people.

630
00:18:41,609 --> 00:18:44,159
Really, it's really, I'm
jealous of situations and

631
00:18:44,609 --> 00:18:45,689
jealous of situations.

632
00:18:45,779 --> 00:18:46,199
Yeah.

633
00:18:46,229 --> 00:18:46,559
How's that?

634
00:18:47,129 --> 00:18:50,279
I get jealous when you're having
really good conversations with people.

635
00:18:50,279 --> 00:18:51,834
And I'm not, it's like, damn.

636
00:18:52,129 --> 00:18:52,399
Really?

637
00:18:52,399 --> 00:18:52,909
Butthead?

638
00:18:53,359 --> 00:18:53,629
Yeah.

639
00:18:53,629 --> 00:18:56,739
Or I get jealous when I get
jealous, like dumb things.

640
00:18:56,739 --> 00:18:58,479
Like, Ooh, he liked a certain picture.

641
00:18:58,979 --> 00:18:59,549
No, you didn't.

642
00:18:59,549 --> 00:18:59,819
Still,

643
00:19:00,209 --> 00:19:00,749
you still get

644
00:19:00,749 --> 00:19:00,869
that?

645
00:19:00,869 --> 00:19:01,769
No, not really.

646
00:19:02,279 --> 00:19:04,979
You know, I don't know what
I get jealous about anymore.

647
00:19:05,684 --> 00:19:06,944
But when I get jealous, I'll let you know.

648
00:19:07,364 --> 00:19:10,724
Well, I mean, there was a jealousy
issue recently when we had that we

649
00:19:10,724 --> 00:19:14,384
were involved in one, uh, one orgy, and
you were like, I didn't care for that.

650
00:19:15,044 --> 00:19:18,794
Um, it's, it's not a jealousy thing.

651
00:19:18,794 --> 00:19:20,804
It's more of a territorial thing.

652
00:19:21,764 --> 00:19:22,199
What's the difference?

653
00:19:22,199 --> 00:19:23,384
That was more territorial.

654
00:19:23,534 --> 00:19:23,984
What's the difference?

655
00:19:23,984 --> 00:19:24,344
Um,

656
00:19:24,794 --> 00:19:26,054
like more like That's mine.

657
00:19:26,114 --> 00:19:26,894
That's mine.

658
00:19:26,894 --> 00:19:27,344
Yeah.

659
00:19:27,374 --> 00:19:27,614
Um.

660
00:19:28,114 --> 00:19:29,494
Wouldn't that be a form of jealousy?

661
00:19:29,524 --> 00:19:30,634
I mean, I guess yeah.

662
00:19:30,754 --> 00:19:30,934
Yeah.

663
00:19:30,934 --> 00:19:31,234
Yeah.

664
00:19:31,804 --> 00:19:31,954
I mean,

665
00:19:32,219 --> 00:19:32,619
I dunno

666
00:19:32,619 --> 00:19:33,904
if I, I mean, I know I'm
jealous, but honestly, I

667
00:19:34,139 --> 00:19:34,299
dunno.

668
00:19:34,299 --> 00:19:34,459
I'm

669
00:19:34,459 --> 00:19:34,579
curious.

670
00:19:34,579 --> 00:19:35,584
I'm a, I'm a jealous person.

671
00:19:35,584 --> 00:19:36,814
I don't know if that's a form of jealousy.

672
00:19:37,174 --> 00:19:37,354
Yeah.

673
00:19:37,384 --> 00:19:38,554
I mean, I guess it could be.

674
00:19:39,184 --> 00:19:42,814
I mean, if it's not, it, it
seems to be in the family.

675
00:19:43,084 --> 00:19:43,324
Yeah.

676
00:19:43,324 --> 00:19:44,194
No, it might be.

677
00:19:44,194 --> 00:19:44,614
Yeah.

678
00:19:44,644 --> 00:19:44,944
I don't know.

679
00:19:45,004 --> 00:19:47,784
Um, yeah, I didn't care for certain
things and it's like, yeah, no.

680
00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:48,234
Mm-hmm.

681
00:19:48,264 --> 00:19:51,654
That did not make me feel, first
of all, I don't have compersion,

682
00:19:51,654 --> 00:19:55,104
so it's very hard for me to.

683
00:19:55,604 --> 00:19:58,604
Like things that he likes, and so I'm like

684
00:19:58,654 --> 00:19:59,974
but see this is what I'm saying.

685
00:19:59,974 --> 00:20:00,034
Yeah.

686
00:20:00,064 --> 00:20:03,434
I don't really feel, I like, I understand
that we got our red flags, we got

687
00:20:03,434 --> 00:20:07,544
our green flags, but I really don't
feel it's as black and white or as

688
00:20:07,544 --> 00:20:10,124
red as green as we make it out to be.

689
00:20:10,154 --> 00:20:10,244
No,

690
00:20:10,454 --> 00:20:12,854
there is a major gray zone there is.

691
00:20:13,399 --> 00:20:15,199
That everything operates in.

692
00:20:15,204 --> 00:20:15,404
Mm-hmm.

693
00:20:15,484 --> 00:20:19,519
And of course, everything is situational
to what you and your partner have,

694
00:20:19,519 --> 00:20:19,969
have discussed.

695
00:20:19,999 --> 00:20:20,329
Yeah.

696
00:20:20,329 --> 00:20:23,204
Because maybe this is how you
guys do your things mm-hmm.

697
00:20:23,289 --> 00:20:24,349
And what y'all do.

698
00:20:24,729 --> 00:20:28,089
You know, maybe it's not in
the same alignment as us.

699
00:20:28,089 --> 00:20:28,179
Mm-hmm.

700
00:20:28,274 --> 00:20:30,494
And it may be a red flag for us.

701
00:20:30,524 --> 00:20:32,114
It may not be a red flag for y'all.

702
00:20:32,139 --> 00:20:33,524
Or it may be a green flag for us.

703
00:20:33,524 --> 00:20:35,084
It may not be a green flag for y'all.

704
00:20:35,354 --> 00:20:37,244
You know, so, and it's, we
get, everybody does something

705
00:20:37,249 --> 00:20:37,299
different.

706
00:20:37,299 --> 00:20:38,414
Everybody does something different.

707
00:20:38,414 --> 00:20:43,059
I am, I. I expressed to him I
didn't like something and I didn't

708
00:20:43,059 --> 00:20:44,889
really wait too long to express it.

709
00:20:44,889 --> 00:20:47,679
He asked me if I liked it, liked
something, and I said, no, I did not.

710
00:20:47,679 --> 00:20:48,759
Like, I didn't care for that.

711
00:20:49,259 --> 00:20:51,989
He sat back and he was like, okay, why?

712
00:20:52,049 --> 00:20:54,619
And I was like, I can't
really, just didn't.

713
00:20:55,129 --> 00:20:55,399
Okay.

714
00:20:56,029 --> 00:20:56,629
And that was it.

715
00:20:57,079 --> 00:20:57,409
That was it.

716
00:20:58,099 --> 00:21:01,599
There was no other, because
it's Is it clear to him?

717
00:21:01,839 --> 00:21:02,199
No.

718
00:21:02,199 --> 00:21:02,949
Is it clear to me?

719
00:21:03,009 --> 00:21:04,239
No, but I have to tell him.

720
00:21:04,914 --> 00:21:06,894
And eventually we try to get down to it.

721
00:21:06,904 --> 00:21:12,514
And usually she is good in the fact
that if she can't really explain it,

722
00:21:13,014 --> 00:21:13,234
it

723
00:21:13,239 --> 00:21:13,619
kind of goes away.

724
00:21:13,619 --> 00:21:15,299
She may just, she may just let it go

725
00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:16,259
and be like, whatever.

726
00:21:16,264 --> 00:21:16,474
Yeah.

727
00:21:16,834 --> 00:21:16,914
Whatever.

728
00:21:16,919 --> 00:21:19,649
She may just let it go and
it just goes out the window.

729
00:21:19,709 --> 00:21:19,949
Yeah.

730
00:21:20,229 --> 00:21:23,109
But it's one of those things
where you kind of set it

731
00:21:23,199 --> 00:21:23,469
Yeah.

732
00:21:23,529 --> 00:21:24,429
And it's out there.

733
00:21:24,789 --> 00:21:25,089
Yeah.

734
00:21:25,299 --> 00:21:26,229
Now it's done.

735
00:21:26,319 --> 00:21:27,039
Oh wow.

736
00:21:27,039 --> 00:21:27,669
I did it.

737
00:21:27,669 --> 00:21:27,909
Okay.

738
00:21:27,909 --> 00:21:28,269
Hold on.

739
00:21:28,269 --> 00:21:28,959
Gimme some time.

740
00:21:29,199 --> 00:21:29,619
Yeah.

741
00:21:30,119 --> 00:21:30,419
Yeah.

742
00:21:30,449 --> 00:21:35,489
Um, so I do have a lot of self-awareness
of my red flags, and my husband

743
00:21:35,489 --> 00:21:39,379
knows of them, obviously, and they're
just, I do have a lot of green flags.

744
00:21:39,959 --> 00:21:40,289
I,

745
00:21:40,859 --> 00:21:40,979
I'm

746
00:21:40,979 --> 00:21:41,099
really

747
00:21:41,099 --> 00:21:41,429
nice sometimes.

748
00:21:41,934 --> 00:21:44,664
I like a person who can
gracefully take a note.

749
00:21:45,164 --> 00:21:45,734
Oh yeah.

750
00:21:45,734 --> 00:21:49,754
Now that's not something that comes up
very often, uh, or that is talked about

751
00:21:49,754 --> 00:21:55,934
very clearly, but I will admit 100%
early on the several, the first few years

752
00:21:55,934 --> 00:22:02,024
that we were swingers, when we would
get told no, I took it very personally.

753
00:22:02,084 --> 00:22:02,354
Yeah.

754
00:22:02,664 --> 00:22:04,284
And I didn't take it out on them.

755
00:22:04,284 --> 00:22:06,654
I didn't act different to them
or anything like that, but I

756
00:22:06,924 --> 00:22:08,154
Have you been internalized it?

757
00:22:08,244 --> 00:22:09,024
Oh yeah.

758
00:22:09,029 --> 00:22:09,209
Oh.

759
00:22:10,104 --> 00:22:10,674
Yeah,

760
00:22:10,974 --> 00:22:11,784
we have.

761
00:22:12,084 --> 00:22:12,354
Yeah.

762
00:22:12,354 --> 00:22:13,854
Or they'll ghost us.

763
00:22:14,454 --> 00:22:14,889
Oh yeah.

764
00:22:14,894 --> 00:22:15,594
Yeah.

765
00:22:15,594 --> 00:22:17,544
We've been, yeah, no way, man.

766
00:22:18,094 --> 00:22:21,544
And so I used to take
that very personally.

767
00:22:21,544 --> 00:22:25,724
I was like, okay, you know what, whatever
it is it's 'cause I'm ugly or it's 'cause

768
00:22:25,724 --> 00:22:28,574
I'm, 'cause I can't read good or whatever.

769
00:22:28,574 --> 00:22:32,624
You know, it is, I don't know, whatever
it was about me that they decided

770
00:22:33,404 --> 00:22:35,054
this, I, I don't, I'm not interested.

771
00:22:35,554 --> 00:22:41,594
I used to get inside myself, but you know
what, we're not everybody's cup of tea.

772
00:22:41,594 --> 00:22:42,254
Yeah, I know.

773
00:22:42,254 --> 00:22:43,874
I'm not everybody's cup of tea.

774
00:22:43,879 --> 00:22:44,019
We are not.

775
00:22:44,054 --> 00:22:45,074
I'm not for everybody.

776
00:22:45,514 --> 00:22:51,544
And when you look at it in that
perceptive way I'm okay taking the note.

777
00:22:52,414 --> 00:22:55,984
I'll take a no 100% of the time just
to just have the balls to say it.

778
00:22:55,989 --> 00:22:56,434
Mm. Mm-hmm.

779
00:22:56,674 --> 00:22:57,214
You know what I mean?

780
00:22:57,274 --> 00:22:59,944
There's a lot of people who
don't have the balls to say it.

781
00:22:59,949 --> 00:22:59,979
Mm-hmm.

782
00:23:00,059 --> 00:23:02,314
And then they just ghost or
they pretend you're not there.

783
00:23:02,314 --> 00:23:02,434
Mm-hmm.

784
00:23:02,734 --> 00:23:07,384
Or, you know, they'll make up
whatever, but have, be an adult.

785
00:23:07,654 --> 00:23:07,714
Yeah.

786
00:23:07,714 --> 00:23:11,674
Let's be an adult and tell another
adult, Hey, you know what, I'm

787
00:23:11,674 --> 00:23:13,269
sorry, but I'm not interested.

788
00:23:13,274 --> 00:23:13,414
Mm-hmm.

789
00:23:13,554 --> 00:23:15,399
And you don't have to explain why.

790
00:23:15,789 --> 00:23:19,359
And if the person asks you to explain
why, you just say, I'm sorry, I

791
00:23:19,359 --> 00:23:20,409
don't, I don't wanna get into it.

792
00:23:20,409 --> 00:23:20,739
But yeah.

793
00:23:21,614 --> 00:23:23,114
You know, I think you're really awesome.

794
00:23:23,114 --> 00:23:24,164
I just, I'm not interested.

795
00:23:24,714 --> 00:23:29,724
And if they don't take that
no gracefully, then they gotta

796
00:23:29,724 --> 00:23:30,794
walk, you know what I mean?

797
00:23:30,794 --> 00:23:30,854
They

798
00:23:30,909 --> 00:23:31,904
gotta fly the coop.

799
00:23:31,904 --> 00:23:32,954
They gotta take it easy.

800
00:23:32,954 --> 00:23:34,634
They gotta go, they gotta go.

801
00:23:34,634 --> 00:23:34,844
So,

802
00:23:34,844 --> 00:23:36,074
no, I mean, there's, there's a lot.

803
00:23:36,074 --> 00:23:38,764
So don't, red flags, green flags.

804
00:23:39,264 --> 00:23:43,374
To the outside, to their partner, it might
be something they've already settled on.

805
00:23:43,374 --> 00:23:46,254
We're just expressing hours
because we have the show.

806
00:23:46,704 --> 00:23:47,394
So

807
00:23:47,604 --> 00:23:47,754
yeah,

808
00:23:47,874 --> 00:23:48,924
we're gonna express ours.

809
00:23:48,924 --> 00:23:54,114
I'm very transparent of my
toxicity, like I get it.

810
00:23:54,424 --> 00:23:54,844
But.

811
00:23:55,459 --> 00:23:56,059
For us.

812
00:23:56,059 --> 00:23:57,379
It's just the way I am.

813
00:23:57,379 --> 00:24:00,019
It's not a toxic trait to my husband.

814
00:24:00,229 --> 00:24:00,319
Yeah.

815
00:24:00,319 --> 00:24:01,519
It's just a trait.

816
00:24:01,579 --> 00:24:02,509
It's just who I am.

817
00:24:02,869 --> 00:24:06,079
And he's known since we started
and I've gotten a lot better.

818
00:24:06,529 --> 00:24:10,939
But I do still have certain
things that just trigger me.

819
00:24:11,149 --> 00:24:11,419
And

820
00:24:11,419 --> 00:24:12,919
you know, we're not a perfect couple.

821
00:24:12,919 --> 00:24:13,579
We're not a perfect couple.

822
00:24:14,149 --> 00:24:16,519
You show you show me the
perfect couple that's out there.

823
00:24:16,519 --> 00:24:16,579
Yeah.

824
00:24:16,579 --> 00:24:18,949
I mean, if you guys are
perfect, God please let me know.

825
00:24:18,949 --> 00:24:20,449
I would love to interview you.

826
00:24:20,479 --> 00:24:21,139
Yes, please.

827
00:24:21,169 --> 00:24:23,494
Um, but realistically, we're all.

828
00:24:23,994 --> 00:24:27,084
Trying to maintain our own relationship.

829
00:24:27,084 --> 00:24:27,144
Yeah.

830
00:24:27,474 --> 00:24:33,444
And that integrity and be able
to have our fun as we see fit.

831
00:24:33,864 --> 00:24:33,954
Mm-hmm.

832
00:24:34,194 --> 00:24:36,174
And that takes, it takes some doing.

833
00:24:36,174 --> 00:24:36,744
Mm-hmm.

834
00:24:36,750 --> 00:24:36,979
Does

835
00:24:37,009 --> 00:24:40,434
that takes a lot of doing
and it takes a lot of sitting

836
00:24:40,434 --> 00:24:43,164
back and self-reflection and.

837
00:24:43,584 --> 00:24:45,234
How is my relationship

838
00:24:45,264 --> 00:24:45,654
Yeah.

839
00:24:45,654 --> 00:24:45,744
With

840
00:24:45,744 --> 00:24:48,324
my partner, you know, there's
just a lot of aspects to it.

841
00:24:48,324 --> 00:24:48,384
Yeah.

842
00:24:48,384 --> 00:24:49,944
I just don't think it's very simple as

843
00:24:50,004 --> 00:24:50,064
No,

844
00:24:50,274 --> 00:24:52,134
as people will make it out to be.

845
00:24:52,314 --> 00:24:54,144
Um, and I don't mean that
in a negative way at all.

846
00:24:54,144 --> 00:24:57,594
I just, I think there's a lot of,
of stuff that we can take from

847
00:24:57,594 --> 00:24:59,144
this that will make you grow.

848
00:24:59,149 --> 00:24:59,199
Mm-hmm.

849
00:24:59,299 --> 00:25:00,319
And I think that's so cool.

850
00:25:00,419 --> 00:25:00,839
Mm-hmm.

851
00:25:01,274 --> 00:25:02,924
To know that you can grow as a person.

852
00:25:02,924 --> 00:25:03,854
I think that's pretty awesome.

853
00:25:04,364 --> 00:25:04,514
It's

854
00:25:04,514 --> 00:25:07,004
especially in a lifestyle where you
get to have sex with other people.

855
00:25:07,934 --> 00:25:08,114
Yeah.

856
00:25:08,614 --> 00:25:08,734
You

857
00:25:08,974 --> 00:25:09,814
touch my beard?

858
00:25:10,654 --> 00:25:10,684
I

859
00:25:10,684 --> 00:25:10,774
did.

860
00:25:10,774 --> 00:25:11,884
That wasn't weird at all.

861
00:25:11,884 --> 00:25:14,604
That's 'cause you're married
to me like a fury rug.

862
00:25:15,104 --> 00:25:15,969
Thank you for that.

863
00:25:16,119 --> 00:25:17,739
That is a green flag.

864
00:25:18,639 --> 00:25:20,859
Unless you're somebody other than
my wife and you touch my beard.

865
00:25:20,859 --> 00:25:23,139
In which case my wife would
be like, uh, excuse me.

866
00:25:23,139 --> 00:25:23,649
See?

867
00:25:24,149 --> 00:25:24,609
He knows.

868
00:25:24,609 --> 00:25:24,639
He knows it.

869
00:25:25,474 --> 00:25:26,344
Oh my gosh, man.

870
00:25:26,344 --> 00:25:30,574
We've had conversations with people
before, or we've been talking to a,

871
00:25:30,574 --> 00:25:35,044
a single woman before and they'll
say something and I know from the

872
00:25:35,044 --> 00:25:39,454
way they worded something that I
was gonna have to eat shit later.

873
00:25:39,454 --> 00:25:40,114
The alpha,

874
00:25:40,119 --> 00:25:40,329
yeah, the

875
00:25:40,329 --> 00:25:41,284
alpha part of me just,

876
00:25:41,284 --> 00:25:42,529
she's gonna be like, why did she say that?

877
00:25:43,029 --> 00:25:44,409
How long have you guys been talking?

878
00:25:44,409 --> 00:25:45,639
Why, why did she say it?

879
00:25:45,639 --> 00:25:46,659
Why did she say it like that?

880
00:25:47,109 --> 00:25:49,359
Nearly I didn't, I didn't
tell her to say it like that.

881
00:25:49,569 --> 00:25:49,929
Yeah.

882
00:25:49,989 --> 00:25:50,469
You know, it's, I

883
00:25:50,469 --> 00:25:52,089
just roll my eyes sometimes
when I'm not in the mood.

884
00:25:52,089 --> 00:25:53,169
I'm just like, whatever.

885
00:25:53,349 --> 00:25:57,549
This is a very diverse community and
there's a lot of different now, guys, I'm

886
00:25:57,549 --> 00:25:59,734
telling you I am Laika.

887
00:26:00,209 --> 00:26:01,199
I am the original.

888
00:26:01,699 --> 00:26:03,289
Yeah that's what she says.

889
00:26:03,789 --> 00:26:05,604
She came from one too, you know.

890
00:26:05,844 --> 00:26:06,084
I did.

891
00:26:06,584 --> 00:26:07,874
My mom was very territorial.

892
00:26:08,534 --> 00:26:08,834
Yeah,

893
00:26:08,864 --> 00:26:09,374
very jealous

894
00:26:09,374 --> 00:26:09,434
of.

895
00:26:09,434 --> 00:26:12,884
But you know, that's, and that's
one thing that, that people always

896
00:26:12,884 --> 00:26:15,494
ask us is like, how do you handle
jealousy and stuff like that?

897
00:26:15,494 --> 00:26:16,724
Lemme tell you, I handle it.

898
00:26:16,724 --> 00:26:17,564
I put her in the closet,

899
00:26:17,684 --> 00:26:18,224
I handle it.

900
00:26:18,494 --> 00:26:19,454
Oh, she is a, she is.

901
00:26:19,454 --> 00:26:20,564
You know, I handle that.

902
00:26:20,699 --> 00:26:23,474
Do handle, lemme tell you
what, I handle that shit.

903
00:26:24,014 --> 00:26:25,364
But let me tell you this too.

904
00:26:25,634 --> 00:26:25,724
Mm-hmm.

905
00:26:26,224 --> 00:26:28,804
Let us be that.

906
00:26:29,419 --> 00:26:34,249
Inspirational example in the
fact that you can be a jealous

907
00:26:34,249 --> 00:26:39,469
person and still be successful in
this lifestyle as, as a couple.

908
00:26:39,589 --> 00:26:42,259
Because she's very, very jealous.

909
00:26:42,259 --> 00:26:43,839
But we communicate about it.

910
00:26:43,869 --> 00:26:43,989
Yeah.

911
00:26:43,989 --> 00:26:44,859
We work through it.

912
00:26:44,979 --> 00:26:46,089
This is what we do.

913
00:26:46,689 --> 00:26:48,849
And so there isn't a
single thing I always said.

914
00:26:48,849 --> 00:26:50,859
There isn't a single thing that
will, that will break us up.

915
00:26:51,519 --> 00:26:51,939
Yeah.

916
00:26:51,939 --> 00:26:55,539
Um, you know, that's because
we talk about everything.

917
00:26:55,629 --> 00:26:55,749
Yeah.

918
00:26:56,249 --> 00:26:59,639
So there's nothing that will,
you know, we have our agreements,

919
00:26:59,639 --> 00:27:00,659
you break the agreement.

920
00:27:00,659 --> 00:27:01,379
Well, why'd you do that?

921
00:27:02,129 --> 00:27:02,939
Let's talk about that.

922
00:27:02,944 --> 00:27:03,034
Mm-hmm.

923
00:27:03,119 --> 00:27:03,869
Why did you do that?

924
00:27:03,929 --> 00:27:04,619
Why did you do that?

925
00:27:04,829 --> 00:27:05,669
What happened there?

926
00:27:05,699 --> 00:27:05,969
Yeah.

927
00:27:06,029 --> 00:27:06,809
You know what I mean?

928
00:27:07,289 --> 00:27:10,739
It's kind of how it, you know, it's
a, it's emotional growth, and I think

929
00:27:10,739 --> 00:27:12,719
that's, that's what you get from this.

930
00:27:12,719 --> 00:27:12,729
Mm-hmm.

931
00:27:12,994 --> 00:27:14,134
Uh, this journey.

932
00:27:14,194 --> 00:27:14,789
If you do

933
00:27:14,789 --> 00:27:17,759
it and be open, be open with what
you want and what you don't like,

934
00:27:17,759 --> 00:27:21,809
like your partner should be the one
person that you can turn to and,

935
00:27:21,814 --> 00:27:21,944
yeah.

936
00:27:22,814 --> 00:27:25,904
And they should, you know, you should
be able to have those conversations.

937
00:27:25,904 --> 00:27:26,144
So

938
00:27:26,654 --> 00:27:27,194
totally

939
00:27:27,404 --> 00:27:28,574
don't be the red flags that we're,

940
00:27:29,024 --> 00:27:30,164
don't be the red flags.

941
00:27:30,944 --> 00:27:31,814
She's a red flag.

942
00:27:31,819 --> 00:27:31,959
I'm the

943
00:27:31,959 --> 00:27:32,439
green flag.

944
00:27:32,439 --> 00:27:33,314
Hey, I know, like that was anybody else.

945
00:27:33,314 --> 00:27:37,934
Like I am just my way be, I'm jealous
for h like of him, like I'm territorial.

946
00:27:37,964 --> 00:27:38,474
I'm jealous

947
00:27:38,474 --> 00:27:38,594
to

948
00:27:38,594 --> 00:27:39,284
make him feel

949
00:27:39,284 --> 00:27:39,404
better.

950
00:27:39,974 --> 00:27:42,014
Will that, will that
fill out to anybody else?

951
00:27:42,734 --> 00:27:44,054
No, not unnecessarily.

952
00:27:44,474 --> 00:27:46,754
If you say or do something
that triggers me, I'm gonna

953
00:27:46,754 --> 00:27:47,834
be very transparent with you.

954
00:27:47,834 --> 00:27:50,024
I'm gonna be open, very
honest with you and tell you.

955
00:27:50,579 --> 00:27:54,569
You said this to my husband and
this made me feel a certain way.

956
00:27:54,899 --> 00:27:55,019
That

957
00:27:55,019 --> 00:27:55,169
is true.

958
00:27:55,169 --> 00:27:56,009
I don't hide around the bush.

959
00:27:56,009 --> 00:27:57,059
I don't beat around the bush.

960
00:27:57,059 --> 00:27:57,749
I don't hide.

961
00:27:57,749 --> 00:28:00,109
I am open and honest.

962
00:28:00,609 --> 00:28:02,559
That is a fact.

963
00:28:03,059 --> 00:28:03,679
That's great.

964
00:28:03,819 --> 00:28:04,039
Yes.

965
00:28:04,714 --> 00:28:04,994
That's good.

966
00:28:05,269 --> 00:28:05,759
Anyways.

967
00:28:06,259 --> 00:28:07,814
Thanks for hanging out with us this week.

968
00:28:07,844 --> 00:28:12,404
If you loved it, make sure to like,
subscribe, share, and leave us a review

969
00:28:12,434 --> 00:28:15,974
'cause it seriously helps us grow
and keeps these conversations going.

970
00:28:16,094 --> 00:28:20,154
Yes, you can find everything beyond
monogamy at www.beyond-monogamy.com,

971
00:28:22,244 --> 00:28:24,464
including our Beyond
Monogamy Confessional.

972
00:28:24,884 --> 00:28:26,024
It is amazing guys.

973
00:28:26,024 --> 00:28:30,014
You leave a message and you let us
know if we can read it on the show.

974
00:28:30,194 --> 00:28:32,199
It's cool and we do a whole
show about it, so Yeah.

975
00:28:32,234 --> 00:28:32,444
Yeah.

976
00:28:32,444 --> 00:28:34,784
You get to star in one of
our shows without, actually,

977
00:28:34,784 --> 00:28:35,114
I love it.

978
00:28:35,114 --> 00:28:36,344
You know, showing your face.

979
00:28:36,374 --> 00:28:36,614
Yeah.

980
00:28:36,614 --> 00:28:40,544
You'll see all the blog posts, the
merch, and all of the juicy extras.

981
00:28:41,044 --> 00:28:45,724
Don't forget to check out our events
tab on our website, uh, for details on

982
00:28:45,724 --> 00:28:50,464
upcoming Beyond Monogamy events or even
just where we may be hanging out, just

983
00:28:50,464 --> 00:28:51,904
in case you want to join us, you know?

984
00:28:52,084 --> 00:28:52,204
Yes.

985
00:28:52,294 --> 00:28:55,624
Uh, here's a few events to mark
your calendars with next Sunday

986
00:28:55,894 --> 00:28:58,114
if you're in the Austin area.

987
00:28:58,774 --> 00:29:00,814
March 29th.

988
00:29:00,964 --> 00:29:02,319
I actually, I think it's, it's okay.

989
00:29:02,794 --> 00:29:09,004
March 29th is our in-person workshop at
Forbidden Fruit here in Austin, Texas.

990
00:29:09,274 --> 00:29:17,464
If you want to join us for that, reach out
to, uh, www.forbiddenfruit.com/workshops.

991
00:29:17,464 --> 00:29:20,659
You'll see this handsome guy
here, this beautiful lady there.

992
00:29:20,949 --> 00:29:24,184
Click the Tabby thing, you'll
get all the information you need.

993
00:29:24,184 --> 00:29:24,194
Mm-hmm.

994
00:29:24,694 --> 00:29:27,874
And of course, the upcoming
Texas Desires Hotel takeover.

995
00:29:27,874 --> 00:29:31,804
The weekend of April 11th, we'll be
hanging there with all of our friends

996
00:29:31,804 --> 00:29:35,494
for the weekend and even doing a live
in-person show from the festivities.

997
00:29:35,554 --> 00:29:35,644
Yeah,

998
00:29:36,184 --> 00:29:38,584
I believe they only have a
few rooms left right now.

999
00:29:38,584 --> 00:29:41,434
So if you're interested, check
out the events tab for more info.

1000
00:29:41,434 --> 00:29:43,779
If you have any questions,
feel free to reach out.

1001
00:29:44,224 --> 00:29:47,014
We're gonna have a themed room
there, so we're gonna have like

1002
00:29:47,044 --> 00:29:48,624
a Yeah, we're gonna do the room.

1003
00:29:48,624 --> 00:29:51,434
Yeah, we're gonna do like a
little, conversation, open

1004
00:29:51,434 --> 00:29:52,964
conversation podcast thing.

1005
00:29:52,964 --> 00:29:56,264
So if you wanna be on the show and
you're good with all that, you can

1006
00:29:56,264 --> 00:30:00,764
sound a little waver and we're gonna
interview you and it's gonna be amazing.

1007
00:30:01,094 --> 00:30:03,164
Wow, that sounds amazing.

1008
00:30:03,194 --> 00:30:03,284
Yeah.

1009
00:30:03,284 --> 00:30:03,644
Yeah,

1010
00:30:04,064 --> 00:30:05,294
that sounds like a good time.

1011
00:30:05,834 --> 00:30:09,644
Uh, we're also streaming every
Thursday on full swap radio.com

1012
00:30:09,644 --> 00:30:11,564
at 2:00 PM and 7:00 PM Central.

1013
00:30:11,774 --> 00:30:12,734
So tune into that.

1014
00:30:13,334 --> 00:30:14,684
Show us some love there too.

1015
00:30:14,684 --> 00:30:18,544
Scope out some of the other
podcast also, uh, just to tag

1016
00:30:18,544 --> 00:30:21,284
on that the creators radio.

1017
00:30:21,784 --> 00:30:25,884
They actually put on
different events Yeah.

1018
00:30:25,884 --> 00:30:26,724
Throughout the year.

1019
00:30:26,749 --> 00:30:27,039
Yeah.

1020
00:30:27,204 --> 00:30:30,324
Uh, and their winter fest,
that's gonna be next year.

1021
00:30:30,804 --> 00:30:33,174
Those hotel rooms are already booking up.

1022
00:30:33,594 --> 00:30:34,194
And so guys, we're

1023
00:30:34,194 --> 00:30:34,704
gonna be there.

1024
00:30:34,764 --> 00:30:38,904
We actually have a code, uh, that
we will be including in the show

1025
00:30:38,904 --> 00:30:42,774
notes here, but it's at BEYO.

1026
00:30:43,554 --> 00:30:45,354
It's beo mono.

1027
00:30:45,774 --> 00:30:46,224
All right.

1028
00:30:46,224 --> 00:30:47,274
It's basically our Twitter.

1029
00:30:47,394 --> 00:30:47,664
Yeah.

1030
00:30:47,784 --> 00:30:53,634
At beo mono is the code that you can type
in and you get a certain percentage off.

1031
00:30:53,634 --> 00:30:53,724
Nice.

1032
00:30:53,724 --> 00:30:56,974
I'll have all that information in
the show, in the summary that you

1033
00:30:56,974 --> 00:30:59,344
can read, uh, when the show drops.

1034
00:30:59,614 --> 00:31:01,294
But yeah, something
else to look forward to.

1035
00:31:01,354 --> 00:31:02,494
It's really, really cool.

1036
00:31:02,854 --> 00:31:03,934
We will be out there.

1037
00:31:04,054 --> 00:31:04,324
Yeah.

1038
00:31:04,594 --> 00:31:08,404
Uh, and as always, thanks for listening
and we will see you guys next week.

1039
00:31:08,704 --> 00:31:09,184
Bye.