We didn’t grow up with a class called “How Not To Panic When Your Feelings Get Spicy 101,” so we brought in two heavy-hitters who basically teach it for a living: Jessica Fern (author of Polysecure, Polywise, and the new Transforming the Shame Triangle) and David Cooley (restorative-justice facilitator and emotional-intelligence trainer). Together, they turn messy moments—jealousy, resentment, attachment freak-outs—into actual connection. Brain food meets heart work… with laughs.

Why This Episode Slaps (and Heals)

• Attachment, decoded: What your nervous system is doing when your brain says “I’m fine” but your stomach is doing parkour.
• Jealousy vs. Resentment: One flares fast, the other simmers. Both carry intel. Learn to read the dashboard lights, not smash them.
• The Shame Triangle: Inner critic, inner collapse, and the creative (but chaotic) escape routes—plus how to step off the triangle entirely.
• Capacity > 50/50: Relationships thrive when both bring 100%… just not the same 100% every day.
• Love after endings: Jessica & David’s post-divorce collaboration is proof that endings can be a gateway to a deeper, different love.

Snackable Quotes & Mic-Drop Moments

• “Resentment isn’t the villain—it’s the alert. Get curious about the need under it.”
• “If shame writes the script, your nervous system will improvise the chaos.”
• “Stop chasing 50/50. Bring your real capacity and name it.”
• “Repair isn’t an apology period—it’s a set of repeatable skills.”
• “You can outgrow an old version of a relationship and still keep the love.”

The Beyond Monogamy Playbook (from this convo)

1. Name the part. “A jealous part is up” lands softer than “You’re making me jealous.” Parts language lowers heat and raises honesty.
2. Run the RAFT check: Regulated? (breathe), Available? (time/energy), Fair? (not scorekeeping), Transparent? (say the quiet thing kindly).
3. Resentment → Request. Translate “I’m stewing” into “Here’s what would help tonight.” Specific, doable, time-bound.
4. Capacity calendar. If kids/work/life are loud, schedule intimacy (yes, really) and let partners into the family system rather than compete with it.
5. Rupture → Repair → Ritual. Close loops intentionally: a check-in walk, a shared playlist, or a Sunday reset turns repair into culture.

What’s Inside (at a glance)

• 00:00 Cold open, consent & content notes
• 05:00 Attachment styles without the jargon
• 18:00 Jealousy vs. resentment (and why both matter)
• 29:00 Parenting, poly, and capacity—keeping what’s sacred, sacred
• 44:00 The Shame Triangle & stepping off the loop
• 54:00 Feedback without shame spirals

Links, Books & Good Trouble

• Jessica Fern’s hub: JessicaFern.com
• Polysecure & Polywise (required reading if your feels have feels)
• Transforming the Shame Triangle (new & very “ohhhh that’s me”)

Listen & Hang With Us

• Our website: www.Beyond-Monogamy.com
• Full Swap Radio: Thursdays at 1 PM & 6 PM CST — FullSwapRadio.com
• Patreon (early access, After Hours, bonus minis, Discord): patreon.com/c/BeyondMonogamywithAdamPris

Find Us Everywhere

Facebook: @BeyondMonogamy4U  |  Instagram: @beyond_monogamy_4u  |  TikTok: @beyond.monogamy & @adam&beyond  |  YouTube: @BeyondMonogamywithAdamPris

Show Some Love

If this episode gave you language for your feels (or made you text your partner “we gotta listen to this”), please like, share, and leave a review. It helps more curious humans find the show—and keeps Adam caffeinated.