The Original Swingers: Sam L. Feldman on Sex, Freedom & The ’70s Revolution

By Adam from Beyond Monogamy

Before there were apps, websites, or even the word “swinger,” there were people like Sam L. Feldman — out there living it, loving it, and probably inventing half the positions you’re still Googling today.

This week on Beyond Monogamy with Adam & Pris, we sat down with Sam — author of the hilariously titled and perfectly fitting Hookups, Hiccups & Happenstances — to talk about what the original sexual revolution was really like. And y’all… let’s just say, Sam didn’t study the ’60s and ’70s — he survived them.

“Freedom Without Communication Is Just Chaos Wearing a Smile.”

That’s one of Sam’s best lines from the episode, and honestly, it’s timeless. Back in the day, people didn’t have dating profiles or lifestyle questionnaires. There was no SDC, 3Fun, or “what’s your kink?” checkbox. There were house parties, key clubs, and a whole lot of “happenstance.”

As Sam put it, “It happened very naturally back then… now it’s all technical, with rules and labels and forms to fill out.”

And he’s right — we may have gained better language, but somewhere along the way, we started treating sex like a corporate merger. Sam reminds us that the magic was in the human connection — the spontaneity, the curiosity, the thrill of the unknown.

When Swinging Was a Revolution (Literally)

Let’s paint the picture: it’s 1969. The Beatles are still together, women are fighting for the right to buy birth control without being married, and a little thing called “no-fault divorce” just became law. The world was changing fast, and bedrooms were catching up.

Those early “key parties”? Yeah — they weren’t urban legends. They were the beginning of what we now call the lifestyle. Neighborhood couples would toss car keys in a bowl and, well, pick their night’s adventure. No apps. No algorithms. Just nerves, curiosity, and probably a few martinis too many.

Sam lived through it all — and what blows me away is how much of what he describes still rings true today. The jealousy. The communication breakdowns. The trial-and-error of learning how to share connection without losing intimacy. It’s wild how the more things change, the more they stay the same.

“My Wife Said, ‘Pick Your Battles’ — And 62 Years Later, She’s Still Right.”

Sam’s been married for 62 years. Let that sink in. In a world where most people can’t make it through one tax season without calling it quits, this man’s secret is beautifully simple: “Pick your battles.”

He shared how early in their marriage, he asked his wife what she thought about trying a threesome. Her answer? “Not for me. If you want to, go ahead.” That level of confidence and trust is something we could all learn from.

And when he says it, it’s not in a player way — it’s grounded in mutual respect. Their love story proves that freedom doesn’t have to mean chaos. It can mean choice. It can mean communication. It can mean living authentically and still coming home to the same person who’s been your ride-or-die for six decades.

From the “Corkscrew” to Consent Culture

Of course, no episode is complete without some laughs — and Sam delivers. He talks about discovering a position he calls “The Corkscrew,” and let’s just say Pris and I may or may not have bookmarked that mental image for later.

But he also admits how scary it would be to navigate sex today. Back then, everything was spontaneous. Now, it’s a delicate dance of verbal check-ins and explicit consent — which, to be clear, is a good thing. But Sam gets it: we’re all just trying to balance safety with spontaneity.

“If I were in my thirties today, it would scare the hell out of me to proceed with a sexual encounter,” he said with a laugh. “It was just more natural back then — but now you have to stop and ask, ‘Are we doing this? Is this okay?’”

That tension between passion and permission is real, and it’s something modern swingers still wrestle with. Hearing it from someone who’s been through both eras just hits different.

The Man Behind the Movement

Sam’s book Hookups, Hiccups & Happenstances came out in 2003, and it’s part memoir, part social commentary, part spicy novel. It’s funny, flirty, and unexpectedly deep — packed with stories that are as human as they are hot.

He donates part of his book’s proceeds to the Suicide Hotline Society, because one of his earliest stories involves the devastating consequences of miscommunication. He’s not just telling tales — he’s teaching lessons about love, honesty, and how to keep joy alive in the face of judgment.

Oh, and at 86, he still works out three times a week, does date nights with his wife every Saturday, and finishes them with what he calls “the healthiest stress relief out there.” I’ll let you connect those dots.

Why This Episode Matters

If you’re in the lifestyle, exploring non-monogamy, or just curious about how it all began — this episode is a must-listen. Sam’s perspective connects the dots between generations of open-minded couples who refused to settle for one-size-fits-all love.

He’s proof that curiosity never dies — it just gets better with age.

Listen, Laugh, Learn, and Liberate

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About Sam L. Feldman

Sam L. Feldman is the author of Hookups, Hiccups & Happenstances, a laugh-out-loud and eye-opening look at the swinging, sexy, and sometimes chaotic days of the original sexual revolution. With more than 60 years of marriage under his belt and a lifetime of stories, Sam brings humor, honesty, and heart to every conversation.

Grab his book at samlfeldman.com and discover the stories that started it all.

Beyond Monogamy with Adam & Pris — where honesty meets hilarity, and monogamy takes a back seat to real connection.