Unfiltered but Not Unkind: Hard Truths About Swinger Etiquette & Communication

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Alright y'all, before we
dive in, a quick heads up.

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This show is raw, real, and
definitely not rated pg.

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We're talking about adult themes, sexual
content, and the kind of stuff you

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probably don't want blasting through your
speakers at work or around your kits.

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So grab some headphones, pour your
drink of choice and get comfy.

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Oh, and just so we're clear, we are not
licensed therapists, counselors, or sex.

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Couches.

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Sex coaches.

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Sex coaches,

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not sex couches

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or just a couple of people sharing our
lives, experiences and sexy adventures.

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An ethical non-monogamy.

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So with that, pull up a
chair and enjoy the show.

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And.

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Hello and welcome to another
episode of Beyond Monogamy.

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I'm Adam

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and I'm press,

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and today we're doing
something a little different.

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This episode is called
Unfiltered, but not unkind.

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These are the opinions we have.

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The thoughts we share privately,
but don't usually say into a mic.

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That's right.

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It's not a call out episode.

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There's no rage, there's no dunking,

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there's no rage.

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But you're gonna have this with me, right?

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This is me and you doing this.

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Well,

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no drama farming.

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That's right.

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No drama farming.

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What is that?

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You're supposed to read it like with
confidence, like you know what that is?

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Oh, no.

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Drama farming.

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No.

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You still gotta say it better than that.

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No drama farming.

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Yeah, right.

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Just thoughtful, honesty, humor, and some
real conversations about the lifestyle.

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Cause we are being honest.

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Some things in the lifestyle
need to be talked about.

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You look really good, baby.

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Thank you.

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Okay, so why are we doing this?

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You know, we've both had moments
where we've left an event or

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a party or a conversation.

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We just said, I don't wanna sound judgy.

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Mm-hmm.

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Best friend ears.

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Oh my gosh, yes.

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This, that and the other.

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Mm-hmm.

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And it's normally something that, if you
have to start the whole sentence with,

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I, I don't wanna sound judgy, you know,
it's, it's a judgmental sounding thing.

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I wanted to have a moment of honesty
here, have, have some unfiltered babe.

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Uh, just throw it out there.

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You know, you're the very opinionated one.

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Another two of us, babe.

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But I think you know
how to say things kindly

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okay.

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And I think it's, yeah.

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You know, everybody wants to know
what your opinion is about stuff.

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They don't.

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I think they do.

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Okay.

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You know, talking about those
moments doesn't make you negative.

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It makes you care about the space.

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So the lifestyle doesn't grow if
everyone's afraid to say anything real.

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Uh, and, and a lot of times the stuff that
we say is stuff that we say on the show.

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Mm-hmm.

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Mm-hmm.

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It's stuff that we said in person
with other couples, and we've

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had people go, I know, right?

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Yes.

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Uh, so yeah, I, I'd say let's go ahead and
talk about some of the patterns that we've

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all noticed, but don't usually talk about.

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All right.

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Now I know what's coming.

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My wife does not.

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Uh, because that's the beauty of
a DH ADHD is she's just gonna,

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I know what he said on his
live is I just sit here.

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Yeah.

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You sit there and just
sit here and you, and you

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and I be, and I,

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so there's cer there's certain things
that sometimes you say and you don't

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realize that you said something that
you're gonna get in trouble for get, and

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then it's like mentioned a day later,

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Hey,

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Classic Adam and Paris.

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It's total beyond monogamy.

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Alright.

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Anyways, lifestyle behaviors.

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We quietly side eye.

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That's what we're talking about right now.

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Oh my

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gosh, honey.

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Yeah, there

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are, I'm never gonna get laid,

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you know,

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I'm not,

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that's, uh, I mean by men, I mean,
if you're not gonna get laid, I

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mean by men, I won.

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That's by your

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choice

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won't but by women.

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I will.

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Because a lot of women will be on my side.

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Yeah.

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That's usually the case.

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The first one, the difference between
confidence and lack of self-awareness.

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Now we've had discussions
about this before.

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Because, you know, it's
one thing to be confident.

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Yes.

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It's something completely
different, uh, to just not be

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Yes.

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Self-aware,

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so

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Of your situation.

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Yeah.

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Or whatever the case may be.

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Yeah.

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We were, I was just talking about this
with a friend, but I feel like it's gonna

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be too mean, so we're gonna keep going.

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But see, that's the whole thing is you're
supposed to try and say it in a kind way.

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Okay.

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So tell me,

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while being 100% open, anonymous,

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gimme an example of confidence
and lack of self-awareness.

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Would this be it?

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I had a friend talk to me and she's
pretty, she's hot, and she was

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like, Hey, so you get hit on a lot.

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And I'm like, I know.

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And she's like, but you get hit
on a lot by unattractive men.

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Why?

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And

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why?

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And I said, okay.

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Yeah.

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And she is like, like they
have a lot of confidence.

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Do you think they know that they're not a,

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and so this is,

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this is a good example.

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And my friend is not in the lifestyle.

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My friend is just a friend.

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Um, she's mom, probably my only
vanilla friend that I have.

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And we're scrolling
through the Facebook group.

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Actually, no, we were scrolling through
my Reddit page and my other page that

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I have, and people were like, and she's
like, wow, these guys wanna take you out.

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And I'm like, yeah, they do.

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And she is like, okay, well,
can I tell you something?

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And I'm like, yeah.

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And she's like, does Adam
know about these guys?

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Like, and I'm like, yeah.

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And she's like, doesn't he tell you that
you're too pretty to go out with them?

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And I was like, no, my
husband doesn't do that.

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I don't really see these guys well,

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and I'm gonna be honest, I don't I know
what she's talking about because this

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has been brought up to me many times.

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Yeah,

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this has been brought up
to me many times that.

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I don't care.

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Like I get a lot of people that,
that message me and that wanna take

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me out and, you know, and whatever.

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A lot of men, and no,
they're not all attractive.

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Mm-hmm.

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Um, but they're nice and I need
something to be attracted to.

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Right.

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So, yeah.

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Maybe they have, you know,
nice teeth or whatever.

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Like, I'm not very, I'm not shallow.

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Mm-hmm.

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I can be sometimes, but I'm really not.

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Yeah, no, you've actually come out.

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Yeah.

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You've

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come

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a long

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way.

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And so would that be a difference of
confidence and lack of self-awareness?

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That would, that would actually be

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exactly on the nail.

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Like, I just hit

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it.

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That's right.

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On it.

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Because, I mean, I know I'm not the only
one who thinks this, and I'm, and I'm

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sure she is not the only person who thinks
this because it's come across my table.

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It's come across me before I've,
I've, people have told me this before

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and have talked to me about it.

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That's.

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That's crappy, but it is what it is.

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I mean,

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I, I mean, I don't think I'm
the, the prettiest person around

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well, so that's the thing about it.

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I, and I've heard this
from several people before.

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We've talked to countless number of
people that have brought it up Yeah.

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In, in, in person before.

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Yeah.

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And I've heard it said before where,
they're, there are people who have

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said they're really confident.

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Yeah.

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And,

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and is that sexy

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and confidence is sexy.

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And I think that's where
a lot of that comes from.

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Mm-hmm.

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That's, that's why there's a
situation where people may, may

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not find them casually attractive.

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But.

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Confidence is sexy to a point.

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And then

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to

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point.

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Well, so over point.

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Did y did y'all hear the point
emphasis on the two point?

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Because over overconfidence, I mean,
like anything, and like anything,

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every, everything can be overdone.

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Yeah.

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You know what I mean?

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Confidence is great.

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I think everybody should have
confidence in themselves.

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Everybody should believe in themselves.

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I

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believe that too.

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Yes.

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Uh,

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to an extent.

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Yeah.

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Um, I, I don't think that, uh,
we all should be walking around

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like, like we're a bunch of Cindy
Crawfords and things like that.

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Yeah.

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You know, I mean, that's
not we're normal people.

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Yeah.

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Uh, well normal.

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What is that?

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But we're just average people.

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Yeah.

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You know what I'm saying?

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We all are in this community.

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Yeah.

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There's several people who
have bought their bodies.

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Yeah.

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Okay.

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Great.

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You guys look amazing.

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Good for y'all.

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Um, and you should have confidence.

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Yeah.

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Because you look amazing.

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Yes.

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But.

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The rest of us who maybe are having
our regular mom and dad bods.

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Yeah.

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We maybe struggle a little bit in that.

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So then we do our best to be confident.

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Confident.

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Mm-hmm.

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And so that right there, when you
can find somebody who's confident in

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their own skin and that sort of stuff.

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Yeah,

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I get it.

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You know those people, they're like,
you know what, I better better show up.

264
00:08:55,649 --> 00:08:55,829
That's her.

265
00:08:56,129 --> 00:08:56,429
Yeah.

266
00:08:56,429 --> 00:09:00,029
Because I was telling her, I was like,
there's so many beautiful people.

267
00:09:00,029 --> 00:09:02,639
Like I love the lifestyle because of that.

268
00:09:02,699 --> 00:09:03,059
Yeah.

269
00:09:03,059 --> 00:09:03,069
Yeah.

270
00:09:03,119 --> 00:09:05,459
There's so many different women.

271
00:09:05,459 --> 00:09:08,759
There's sizes and so freaking confident.

272
00:09:08,769 --> 00:09:10,539
I didn't find my confidence until.

273
00:09:11,039 --> 00:09:14,619
I don't know, a few years ago,
honestly, really I was not confident.

274
00:09:14,619 --> 00:09:15,759
Now I am.

275
00:09:15,994 --> 00:09:17,469
I, I love my body.

276
00:09:17,529 --> 00:09:20,919
Could I, if I could buy my body,
I would totally buy my body.

277
00:09:21,219 --> 00:09:23,109
I'll give you my cash app later, guys.

278
00:09:24,009 --> 00:09:25,869
Um, I also have a Venmo.

279
00:09:26,369 --> 00:09:31,319
So like, stuff like that, like I, I would,
but yeah, I didn't find my confidence

280
00:09:31,319 --> 00:09:33,869
until, and I get more confidence.

281
00:09:33,929 --> 00:09:33,989
Yeah.

282
00:09:34,229 --> 00:09:35,699
Going to the clubs,

283
00:09:36,359 --> 00:09:36,689
really.

284
00:09:37,229 --> 00:09:40,304
I mean, I, I get naked sometimes.

285
00:09:40,364 --> 00:09:41,369
Yeah, you get full-on naked.

286
00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:42,854
I'm like, you do like, fuck it.

287
00:09:42,854 --> 00:09:43,934
I've got layers.

288
00:09:43,934 --> 00:09:46,694
You see me, people, you
know what I look like.

289
00:09:47,144 --> 00:09:48,764
I'm not hiding anything.

290
00:09:48,764 --> 00:09:52,184
Like, there's some days where I
kind of wanna leave my top on, you

291
00:09:52,184 --> 00:09:55,544
know, just because I'm feeling a
little bloated or I don't know.

292
00:09:55,544 --> 00:09:57,194
I wanna give my best show.

293
00:09:57,494 --> 00:09:57,554
Yeah.

294
00:09:57,584 --> 00:09:59,414
But other than that, I don't care.

295
00:09:59,444 --> 00:10:04,004
I, I'm so comfortable in my,
I'm comfortable in my own skin.

296
00:10:04,064 --> 00:10:05,084
I have days, but.

297
00:10:05,669 --> 00:10:12,329
So I've, we've talked about you
being hit on by by a lot of people.

298
00:10:12,389 --> 00:10:12,779
Yeah.

299
00:10:13,079 --> 00:10:18,419
And the majority of 'em you
don't initially find attractive.

300
00:10:18,419 --> 00:10:18,479
No.

301
00:10:18,629 --> 00:10:18,929
Mm-hmm.

302
00:10:19,139 --> 00:10:21,809
Uh, especially on the, on the men's side.

303
00:10:22,139 --> 00:10:22,559
Correct.

304
00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:23,579
But

305
00:10:23,759 --> 00:10:24,809
there are some women also.

306
00:10:25,049 --> 00:10:28,919
One thing I did want to bring
into were that you do get hit

307
00:10:28,919 --> 00:10:30,329
on by some pretty hot women.

308
00:10:30,829 --> 00:10:31,759
So, I mean, there's that

309
00:10:32,259 --> 00:10:33,279
I do, I do get hit on by

310
00:10:33,714 --> 00:10:34,004
with

311
00:10:34,004 --> 00:10:34,479
some pretty hot

312
00:10:34,484 --> 00:10:34,524
women.

313
00:10:34,524 --> 00:10:37,329
So while you may not be
getting hit on by hot men Yeah.

314
00:10:37,334 --> 00:10:40,479
Which, what, what is
even a hot man to you?

315
00:10:40,509 --> 00:10:42,999
Like what, what do you find that's hot?

316
00:10:43,164 --> 00:10:43,404
I love

317
00:10:43,404 --> 00:10:45,084
What, what is it that that meets

318
00:10:45,084 --> 00:10:45,644
your criteria?

319
00:10:45,644 --> 00:10:46,719
Lemme tell you what I love, guys.

320
00:10:46,749 --> 00:10:51,089
I love a guy who's I love.

321
00:10:51,089 --> 00:10:51,899
Dad bods.

322
00:10:52,229 --> 00:10:54,329
Love Dad bods.

323
00:10:54,334 --> 00:10:54,504
Oh,

324
00:10:54,504 --> 00:10:54,664
thank you.

325
00:10:55,064 --> 00:10:55,124
I

326
00:10:55,394 --> 00:10:55,994
love him.

327
00:10:56,414 --> 00:10:58,724
Um, I love a well groomed man.

328
00:10:58,724 --> 00:11:03,314
So you're, if you're gonna have a beard,
have it groomed, have it have nice,

329
00:11:03,314 --> 00:11:05,444
like take care of yourself presence

330
00:11:05,564 --> 00:11:05,714
mm-hmm.

331
00:11:05,954 --> 00:11:07,334
Is one of my top things.

332
00:11:08,144 --> 00:11:10,784
Oral hygiene, you know, have good teeth.

333
00:11:10,784 --> 00:11:13,664
I understand we can't all
afford dentistry, but, hey.

334
00:11:13,724 --> 00:11:16,429
Or dental visits, but
little brushy brushy.

335
00:11:16,434 --> 00:11:16,994
Little flossy.

336
00:11:17,264 --> 00:11:17,444
Yeah.

337
00:11:17,579 --> 00:11:17,869
Yeah.

338
00:11:17,874 --> 00:11:23,724
Um, I like respectfulness, so
if you're gonna talk to me.

339
00:11:24,324 --> 00:11:26,304
You don't have to touch me.

340
00:11:26,904 --> 00:11:30,264
Um, if you notice that I'm touching you,
then there's an open door right there.

341
00:11:30,264 --> 00:11:30,534
Right.

342
00:11:30,534 --> 00:11:33,504
Because I'll like rub arms if
I'm like into it or whatever.

343
00:11:33,984 --> 00:11:34,674
It's very rare.

344
00:11:34,674 --> 00:11:36,024
'cause you've really never seen that.

345
00:11:36,684 --> 00:11:37,434
Very rare.

346
00:11:37,464 --> 00:11:38,484
Very rare.

347
00:11:38,484 --> 00:11:38,504
Very rare.

348
00:11:38,544 --> 00:11:38,904
Yeah.

349
00:11:38,904 --> 00:11:40,454
Like, I like that.

350
00:11:40,454 --> 00:11:43,784
And if, if I'm flirting with
you and I've opened the door

351
00:11:43,814 --> 00:11:46,454
to the, the deeper flirting.

352
00:11:46,954 --> 00:11:49,504
That doesn't mean for you to
send me a picture of your wiener.

353
00:11:50,004 --> 00:11:50,724
Don't do that.

354
00:11:51,114 --> 00:11:51,744
Don't do that.

355
00:11:51,744 --> 00:11:53,844
I don't, I don't, I don't
think they're very pretty.

356
00:11:54,344 --> 00:11:55,364
So Yeah, don't do that.

357
00:11:55,574 --> 00:11:58,484
I wouldn't send you a picture of my vi jj.

358
00:11:58,679 --> 00:12:00,599
I'm pretty sure everybody
would be pleased with

359
00:12:00,599 --> 00:12:00,689
that.

360
00:12:00,689 --> 00:12:03,599
I mean, I've got little
gray hairs there, guys.

361
00:12:03,599 --> 00:12:07,399
Just an FY like I am all natural.

362
00:12:07,459 --> 00:12:08,839
Does the, what is it?

363
00:12:08,839 --> 00:12:10,519
Does the curtain master rug?

364
00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:11,534
Yes.

365
00:12:12,409 --> 00:12:13,399
Yes it does.

366
00:12:13,939 --> 00:12:14,689
Just an fyi.

367
00:12:14,689 --> 00:12:18,169
I have a little triangle
patch, but it does right Bebe?

368
00:12:18,529 --> 00:12:20,789
Yeah they're, uh, I think you
have a little, do you have

369
00:12:20,789 --> 00:12:21,749
a little streak on the side?

370
00:12:21,814 --> 00:12:22,034
Oh.

371
00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:23,114
Oh, that's sexy.

372
00:12:23,414 --> 00:12:25,979
That's so, I mean, I want
some, you know, anyway, that,

373
00:12:26,039 --> 00:12:27,829
that went off course, but yes.

374
00:12:27,829 --> 00:12:29,359
This is why we don't do this.

375
00:12:30,319 --> 00:12:32,299
But yeah, no, I want somebody who's nice.

376
00:12:32,399 --> 00:12:35,989
I saw this guy on Facebook
and I reached out.

377
00:12:36,649 --> 00:12:36,889
Yeah.

378
00:12:37,249 --> 00:12:39,589
And we had just talked about
this, you and I, and I was like,

379
00:12:39,649 --> 00:12:41,089
man, this guy's really cute.

380
00:12:41,574 --> 00:12:43,609
I, I think I'm gonna shoot my shot.

381
00:12:44,109 --> 00:12:44,229
Yeah.

382
00:12:44,229 --> 00:12:51,729
And I did, but you can tell this guy is
hypersexual, which is a turnoff for me.

383
00:12:51,909 --> 00:12:52,359
Is it?

384
00:12:52,389 --> 00:12:53,259
'cause you're married to a

385
00:12:53,259 --> 00:12:53,889
hypersexual.

386
00:12:54,369 --> 00:12:57,969
Hypersexual is a turnoff and there's
days where I'm just not having it.

387
00:12:57,969 --> 00:12:58,329
Boo.

388
00:12:58,509 --> 00:12:59,019
That's fair.

389
00:12:59,349 --> 00:13:01,449
You know, and there's days where
I'm just not in the morning.

390
00:13:01,449 --> 00:13:03,959
I'm just like, poking me with your penis.

391
00:13:04,859 --> 00:13:06,329
Hey, it's nature baby.

392
00:13:06,359 --> 00:13:07,139
I know, baby.

393
00:13:07,139 --> 00:13:07,649
I love it.

394
00:13:07,799 --> 00:13:08,819
It's my wake up call.

395
00:13:09,319 --> 00:13:09,499
Yeah.

396
00:13:09,499 --> 00:13:11,989
You could tell he's gonna
be very hyper-focused.

397
00:13:11,989 --> 00:13:17,289
And how I, under, how I figured this
out was I sent picture or I said

398
00:13:17,289 --> 00:13:19,349
something and then it got sexual.

399
00:13:19,349 --> 00:13:19,409
Yeah.

400
00:13:19,559 --> 00:13:24,049
And my, my, my thing wasn't even
like, let's go for it wasn't,

401
00:13:24,439 --> 00:13:24,619
yeah.

402
00:13:24,619 --> 00:13:25,519
And I'll show it to you.

403
00:13:25,519 --> 00:13:26,389
I think you probably read it.

404
00:13:26,389 --> 00:13:26,849
And I was like, Hmm.

405
00:13:27,664 --> 00:13:33,604
So hypersexuality off the
bat is a turnoff for me.

406
00:13:33,724 --> 00:13:33,994
Yeah.

407
00:13:34,494 --> 00:13:35,694
The lack of control.

408
00:13:35,814 --> 00:13:37,044
The lack of control.

409
00:13:37,044 --> 00:13:37,794
There you go.

410
00:13:38,294 --> 00:13:38,504
Yeah.

411
00:13:38,504 --> 00:13:39,854
I couldn't figure out why.

412
00:13:40,364 --> 00:13:42,854
Well, 'cause you know, you
gotta know the right time and

413
00:13:42,854 --> 00:13:44,774
place to be able to bring it in.

414
00:13:44,774 --> 00:13:45,194
Yeah.

415
00:13:45,614 --> 00:13:47,464
So you don't want to
bring it up too quick.

416
00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:47,944
Yeah.

417
00:13:48,094 --> 00:13:51,334
But you don't want to take forever
either, because then somebody's gonna

418
00:13:51,334 --> 00:13:52,924
think that you don't have an interest.

419
00:13:52,984 --> 00:13:53,404
Yeah.

420
00:13:53,554 --> 00:13:55,414
So there are ways to do it.

421
00:13:55,534 --> 00:13:58,314
And wait, wait for some, like
ask, I've had guys ask me,

422
00:13:58,314 --> 00:13:59,844
Hey, you sent me that picture.

423
00:13:59,844 --> 00:14:01,524
Do you mind if I send
you a picture of myself?

424
00:14:01,554 --> 00:14:02,514
I'm like, yes.

425
00:14:02,514 --> 00:14:03,624
Only because you asked.

426
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:04,584
Yeah.

427
00:14:04,644 --> 00:14:06,744
Well, you know, respect
really seems to turn you on.

428
00:14:06,744 --> 00:14:06,804
Yeah.

429
00:14:06,804 --> 00:14:08,004
That has always turned you

430
00:14:08,004 --> 00:14:08,154
on.

431
00:14:08,159 --> 00:14:08,449
Yeah.

432
00:14:08,949 --> 00:14:09,849
Yeah, don't do that.

433
00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:11,489
That's a little bit too much.

434
00:14:11,969 --> 00:14:12,449
There you go.

435
00:14:12,599 --> 00:14:13,174
There you go.

436
00:14:13,274 --> 00:14:13,694
That's

437
00:14:13,694 --> 00:14:13,934
a lot.

438
00:14:13,984 --> 00:14:16,954
So then the question is when.

439
00:14:17,749 --> 00:14:23,829
Somebody decides to shoot their shot if
they're the right amount of confidence.

440
00:14:24,329 --> 00:14:28,289
Does it have to be completely physical
for them to catch your attention?

441
00:14:28,789 --> 00:14:29,359
No.

442
00:14:29,689 --> 00:14:30,019
No.

443
00:14:30,559 --> 00:14:31,399
Not completely.

444
00:14:32,089 --> 00:14:33,289
But there's gotta be something.

445
00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:34,099
Gotta be something.

446
00:14:34,159 --> 00:14:35,239
It's gotta be, there has to be something.

447
00:14:35,239 --> 00:14:37,089
I've something.

448
00:14:37,589 --> 00:14:42,559
Your eyes, the way you're talking
to me, there's a guy who we, there's

449
00:14:42,559 --> 00:14:44,449
a couple that we see at the club.

450
00:14:44,454 --> 00:14:44,794
Mm-hmm.

451
00:14:45,079 --> 00:14:49,094
And the guy is, he slowly layers a flirt.

452
00:14:49,594 --> 00:14:49,714
Oh yeah.

453
00:14:50,344 --> 00:14:54,664
Like he, the way he talks, the
way he talks to me and touches

454
00:14:54,664 --> 00:14:56,104
me and gives me a hug and stuff.

455
00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:57,544
It's very sweet.

456
00:14:57,664 --> 00:14:59,404
And never.

457
00:15:00,049 --> 00:15:03,709
This guy, this any kind of
like, oh, I wanna be with you.

458
00:15:03,709 --> 00:15:04,729
I've never done that.

459
00:15:04,829 --> 00:15:10,309
But he's super nice, super nice
that I would totally sleep with him.

460
00:15:10,309 --> 00:15:10,369
Yeah.

461
00:15:10,459 --> 00:15:11,149
Because of that.

462
00:15:11,599 --> 00:15:11,779
Yeah.

463
00:15:12,079 --> 00:15:16,539
Just because he is just
super nice, like Yeah.

464
00:15:17,049 --> 00:15:17,924
Let's go to the back, sir.

465
00:15:18,424 --> 00:15:20,429
So it really doesn't take much.

466
00:15:20,429 --> 00:15:22,499
It doesn't, it doesn't.

467
00:15:23,359 --> 00:15:26,839
So a lot of these people that
message you, what is it that's

468
00:15:26,839 --> 00:15:30,469
happening in these messages that's
shutting them down right away?

469
00:15:30,969 --> 00:15:33,129
The hyper sexuality.

470
00:15:33,219 --> 00:15:33,309
Yeah.

471
00:15:33,309 --> 00:15:34,479
Hyper sexualness.

472
00:15:35,019 --> 00:15:37,359
It really bums me out

473
00:15:37,899 --> 00:15:39,519
when they just launch right into

474
00:15:39,519 --> 00:15:39,969
stuff.

475
00:15:39,969 --> 00:15:39,979
Yeah.

476
00:15:40,074 --> 00:15:40,364
Yeah.

477
00:15:40,369 --> 00:15:40,659
Yeah.

478
00:15:40,809 --> 00:15:45,729
I mean, I've had guys that I slept with
and they don't even come at me like that.

479
00:15:46,209 --> 00:15:46,689
No kidding.

480
00:15:47,319 --> 00:15:49,239
They're super respectful.

481
00:15:49,629 --> 00:15:52,119
There's a time and a
place and feel my mood.

482
00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:56,459
And if you know me, you know, I'm
not always in the mood like, yeah,

483
00:15:56,549 --> 00:15:58,019
wait till I put something out.

484
00:15:58,079 --> 00:15:59,159
And then you're like, okay,

485
00:15:59,609 --> 00:15:59,879
yeah.

486
00:15:59,909 --> 00:16:04,079
But yeah, it's, um, it is, it's
that I don't really care for that.

487
00:16:04,414 --> 00:16:07,024
And you know, and it's
an in-between age too.

488
00:16:07,384 --> 00:16:11,554
It's either the real young
ones or the viejitos.

489
00:16:11,574 --> 00:16:15,734
The older ones really like,
it's never like, like this age.

490
00:16:15,764 --> 00:16:16,454
It's either or

491
00:16:16,454 --> 00:16:16,754
thirties,

492
00:16:16,759 --> 00:16:17,894
forties than us,

493
00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:18,074
fifties

494
00:16:18,254 --> 00:16:22,604
or older than us that are like
hypersexual, like they're going

495
00:16:22,604 --> 00:16:23,894
through their teens again.

496
00:16:23,984 --> 00:16:24,284
Yeah.

497
00:16:24,494 --> 00:16:26,084
Which is fine if you're a woman.

498
00:16:26,084 --> 00:16:27,794
If you have a woman and
you, and she likes it.

499
00:16:27,794 --> 00:16:31,984
Y'all are going through that at y'all's
own pace, but really hypersexual, like

500
00:16:31,984 --> 00:16:33,814
they're going in through puberty again.

501
00:16:33,894 --> 00:16:34,214
Mm-hmm.

502
00:16:34,299 --> 00:16:34,999
So weird.

503
00:16:35,629 --> 00:16:39,794
Now I'm curious, what do you think
about hierarchy in the community.

504
00:16:39,794 --> 00:16:46,774
Like, do you feel like there are levels
of people in their attractiveness and

505
00:16:46,774 --> 00:16:48,634
like everybody kind of has their lane.

506
00:16:48,634 --> 00:16:50,464
I've heard somebody say this before.

507
00:16:50,884 --> 00:16:50,944
Hmm.

508
00:16:50,944 --> 00:16:57,584
Where somebody hit on them and she was
relatively attractive and somebody hit

509
00:16:57,584 --> 00:17:01,424
on her and she was like, oh man, this
person really needs to stay in their lane.

510
00:17:01,574 --> 00:17:06,084
'cause that's just not, and without
saying those words, you know, it's

511
00:17:06,084 --> 00:17:08,054
just, they were just kind of like,
they just need to stay in their lane

512
00:17:08,534 --> 00:17:09,134
because why?

513
00:17:09,854 --> 00:17:12,434
Well, I mean, mean if I'm, if
I'm reading the tea leaves Right.

514
00:17:12,434 --> 00:17:15,084
Uhhuh because he's not
attractive enough to be

515
00:17:15,084 --> 00:17:15,354
on her level.

516
00:17:15,769 --> 00:17:17,649
Oh, I've had many people say that.

517
00:17:17,719 --> 00:17:18,009
Yeah.

518
00:17:18,324 --> 00:17:21,314
I've had people say that
to me and I'm like, stop.

519
00:17:21,314 --> 00:17:22,214
That's not nice.

520
00:17:22,454 --> 00:17:22,754
Yeah.

521
00:17:22,859 --> 00:17:23,079
Yes.

522
00:17:23,579 --> 00:17:24,029
Yes.

523
00:17:24,059 --> 00:17:24,119
Wow.

524
00:17:24,269 --> 00:17:26,309
I think when we were poly, I said that.

525
00:17:26,789 --> 00:17:27,179
Really?

526
00:17:27,179 --> 00:17:28,529
I'm sure I said that to you.

527
00:17:28,889 --> 00:17:29,549
I'm sorry.

528
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:30,899
Yeah, I probably did say that.

529
00:17:30,904 --> 00:17:31,554
You probably did.

530
00:17:31,589 --> 00:17:34,619
I, when we were at Poly, I
am sure that I said, oh, this

531
00:17:34,619 --> 00:17:35,879
guy needs to stay in his lane.

532
00:17:36,379 --> 00:17:36,529
Yeah.

533
00:17:36,859 --> 00:17:38,599
Or this chick needs to stay in her lane.

534
00:17:38,779 --> 00:17:38,959
Yeah.

535
00:17:38,959 --> 00:17:39,949
I mean, come on.

536
00:17:39,949 --> 00:17:41,779
We are not everybody's cup of tea.

537
00:17:42,499 --> 00:17:45,344
So that's why I don't hit on anybody.

538
00:17:46,324 --> 00:17:48,224
That's why I don't hit on anybody.

539
00:17:48,649 --> 00:17:50,449
And apparently that's
why you don't get hit on

540
00:17:50,449 --> 00:17:52,039
very much, you said, I mean, I do.

541
00:17:52,039 --> 00:17:56,389
I get hit on, I just, I don't get hit
on by the people I find attractive.

542
00:17:56,929 --> 00:17:57,229
Yeah.

543
00:17:57,919 --> 00:17:58,519
Period.

544
00:17:58,879 --> 00:18:00,429
I have to feel something

545
00:18:00,929 --> 00:18:01,259
true.

546
00:18:01,379 --> 00:18:03,659
You've got hit on by unattractive women.

547
00:18:04,374 --> 00:18:04,694
I have.

548
00:18:05,194 --> 00:18:05,869
I have at that.

549
00:18:05,959 --> 00:18:06,379
Yeah.

550
00:18:06,499 --> 00:18:07,459
Many times

551
00:18:07,514 --> 00:18:07,754
I have.

552
00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:09,334
You do, you booboo

553
00:18:09,834 --> 00:18:11,424
and I'll probably end
up sleeping with that.

554
00:18:11,514 --> 00:18:12,829
That's you.

555
00:18:13,099 --> 00:18:14,749
Just because I don't know how to say no.

556
00:18:15,624 --> 00:18:20,514
You know what I also don't
like is when people treat every

557
00:18:20,514 --> 00:18:23,064
interaction like a sexual audition.

558
00:18:23,814 --> 00:18:25,284
Oh, absolutely.

559
00:18:25,284 --> 00:18:28,794
Uh, I know you get that a lot at the club.

560
00:18:28,824 --> 00:18:32,924
I've seen it so many times
before where so they'll introduce

561
00:18:32,924 --> 00:18:34,664
this new couple to the club.

562
00:18:34,664 --> 00:18:34,754
Mm-hmm.

563
00:18:34,754 --> 00:18:40,154
They'll bring them up to us and then
throughout the night, whoever it is,

564
00:18:40,154 --> 00:18:42,434
is just, just staring at you all night.

565
00:18:42,704 --> 00:18:45,494
And they'll come up to you and they'll
be like, oh, hey, how's it going?

566
00:18:45,494 --> 00:18:48,434
And they'll puff their chest and
they'll do all this stuff and they'll

567
00:18:48,434 --> 00:18:51,644
try and touch you and talk to you
certain ways and things like that.

568
00:18:52,139 --> 00:18:56,669
Meanwhile, their wife is over at the
table sitting there alone, sipping on a

569
00:18:56,669 --> 00:18:59,699
whiskey, wondering where her husband's at.

570
00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:00,479
That

571
00:19:00,479 --> 00:19:02,369
never took way too long in the bathroom.

572
00:19:02,369 --> 00:19:03,364
That never happened.

573
00:19:03,714 --> 00:19:06,134
It's happened that, that
wasn't just imagined.

574
00:19:06,464 --> 00:19:08,834
I'm just saying that wasn't just imagined.

575
00:19:09,434 --> 00:19:11,324
I didn't just come up
with that off the cuff.

576
00:19:11,324 --> 00:19:12,404
That never happens.

577
00:19:12,404 --> 00:19:14,054
Ingrained in my brain, baby.

578
00:19:14,174 --> 00:19:14,564
Who?

579
00:19:14,564 --> 00:19:15,854
That never happens.

580
00:19:16,244 --> 00:19:17,054
Some couple.

581
00:19:17,554 --> 00:19:18,514
Some couple.

582
00:19:18,604 --> 00:19:19,654
It was this couple.

583
00:19:19,654 --> 00:19:19,664
Um,

584
00:19:19,664 --> 00:19:19,949
yeah, I know.

585
00:19:19,949 --> 00:19:22,084
And he was wearing like
a shirt with a fish.

586
00:19:22,084 --> 00:19:22,564
I don't know.

587
00:19:22,744 --> 00:19:22,984
It was a

588
00:19:22,984 --> 00:19:23,284
thing.

589
00:19:23,374 --> 00:19:23,794
Yeah, they do.

590
00:19:24,454 --> 00:19:25,144
Some of them do.

591
00:19:25,144 --> 00:19:27,609
They tr they I don't
know what to tell him.

592
00:19:28,109 --> 00:19:28,884
I don't know what to tell 'em.

593
00:19:29,384 --> 00:19:31,124
I normally don't tell him anything.

594
00:19:31,454 --> 00:19:33,554
I let you, you, I let
your face do the talking.

595
00:19:33,554 --> 00:19:37,764
I'm just because eventually, somehow,
eventually you end up kind of turning

596
00:19:38,334 --> 00:19:38,484
Yeah.

597
00:19:38,484 --> 00:19:38,514
A

598
00:19:38,514 --> 00:19:40,044
bit more and facing me or

599
00:19:40,044 --> 00:19:41,004
because I move around a lot.

600
00:19:41,004 --> 00:19:42,144
You do move around a lot.

601
00:19:42,144 --> 00:19:44,754
That's your A DHD, like you're constantly.

602
00:19:45,159 --> 00:19:45,969
Everywhere.

603
00:19:45,999 --> 00:19:46,329
Yeah.

604
00:19:46,629 --> 00:19:50,989
Uh, and yeah, sometimes your dance
moves have danced us out of situations.

605
00:19:50,989 --> 00:19:51,679
You're welcome.

606
00:19:51,709 --> 00:19:52,009
Yeah.

607
00:19:52,164 --> 00:19:52,454
Yeah.

608
00:19:52,459 --> 00:19:52,639
You're welcome.

609
00:19:52,909 --> 00:19:59,029
Now, I've never had a woman
treat every interaction with me.

610
00:19:59,029 --> 00:20:00,559
Like a sexual Oh, yes,

611
00:20:00,559 --> 00:20:01,939
you have every woman.

612
00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:02,209
Oh,

613
00:20:02,709 --> 00:20:03,619
every woman.

614
00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:04,899
Maybe every woman.

615
00:20:05,079 --> 00:20:05,699
Not every woman.

616
00:20:05,794 --> 00:20:06,004
Oh,

617
00:20:06,274 --> 00:20:06,874
my God's

618
00:20:06,874 --> 00:20:07,654
a bit dramatic.

619
00:20:07,654 --> 00:20:08,524
Every woman.

620
00:20:08,584 --> 00:20:09,184
Let's go overboard

621
00:20:09,459 --> 00:20:09,619
with this.

622
00:20:09,619 --> 00:20:11,134
That makes out with you at the club.

623
00:20:11,194 --> 00:20:13,144
Well, no, those are,
those are just kisses.

624
00:20:13,954 --> 00:20:14,854
Those are just kisses.

625
00:20:15,354 --> 00:20:15,894
Okay.

626
00:20:16,074 --> 00:20:16,704
Well, maybe

627
00:20:17,094 --> 00:20:18,144
those are just kisses.

628
00:20:18,454 --> 00:20:20,104
It depends on who it's coming from.

629
00:20:20,464 --> 00:20:20,944
Okay.

630
00:20:21,124 --> 00:20:22,589
I see where you're, I
see where you're going.

631
00:20:22,759 --> 00:20:27,984
If, if it, if it lasts more than
a second Yeah that's making out

632
00:20:28,859 --> 00:20:29,149
Okay.

633
00:20:29,649 --> 00:20:31,449
You don't have to look at me like that.

634
00:20:31,449 --> 00:20:31,659
I'm just

635
00:20:31,659 --> 00:20:32,079
saying,

636
00:20:32,139 --> 00:20:33,219
goodness gracious.

637
00:20:33,219 --> 00:20:35,559
You get very spicy unnecessarily.

638
00:20:35,559 --> 00:20:37,029
It's just words on a paper.

639
00:20:37,034 --> 00:20:38,524
You're the one who made these questions.

640
00:20:38,794 --> 00:20:41,619
Well, goodness, you're spicy.

641
00:20:41,979 --> 00:20:42,459
Goodness.

642
00:20:42,849 --> 00:20:45,309
Well, I didn't think about that,
but yeah, I guess you gotta,

643
00:20:45,399 --> 00:20:46,569
but you get it more than I do,

644
00:20:47,019 --> 00:20:47,319
do I?

645
00:20:47,819 --> 00:20:48,874
Mine is just pretty Well,

646
00:20:48,874 --> 00:20:49,029
you get it.

647
00:20:49,309 --> 00:20:50,789
I mean, you get it,

648
00:20:51,454 --> 00:20:52,174
you get it.

649
00:20:52,174 --> 00:20:53,669
You know, they give you that special

650
00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:56,434
handshake, that story that you just gave
Nas, the chick leaving the guy there to

651
00:20:56,434 --> 00:20:58,324
come over here and make out with this.

652
00:20:59,074 --> 00:21:00,844
Well, now that's not true at all.

653
00:21:01,264 --> 00:21:04,624
And I bid you to strike that
from your memory listeners.

654
00:21:05,554 --> 00:21:05,584
Okay?

655
00:21:05,584 --> 00:21:06,664
Because it's not true.

656
00:21:07,534 --> 00:21:09,004
Uh, now this is an interesting one.

657
00:21:09,034 --> 00:21:13,744
Oversharing explicit details in spaces
that didn't consent to that energy.

658
00:21:14,314 --> 00:21:17,614
I have had people meet me in person.

659
00:21:18,114 --> 00:21:21,654
Usually a husband or a
single guy, whatever.

660
00:21:21,754 --> 00:21:24,004
Uh, at a party or a club, whatnot.

661
00:21:24,334 --> 00:21:26,104
Events meet and greets.

662
00:21:26,604 --> 00:21:32,094
I've had on countless occasions, guys who
just decide to come up to me and show me

663
00:21:32,424 --> 00:21:37,464
their sexual conquests on their phone,
different videos of them getting it on

664
00:21:37,464 --> 00:21:39,954
with this girl or that girl or whatever.

665
00:21:40,454 --> 00:21:44,144
And I'm hoping that whoever
they're showing me consented

666
00:21:44,144 --> 00:21:44,984
to, that sort of thing,

667
00:21:45,014 --> 00:21:45,704
they probably didn't,

668
00:21:45,704 --> 00:21:47,534
but this is a thing.

669
00:21:47,534 --> 00:21:48,884
Like, it's just automatic.

670
00:21:48,884 --> 00:21:50,594
It's like, Hey guy, look at this.

671
00:21:50,594 --> 00:21:51,224
You know what I mean?

672
00:21:51,664 --> 00:21:53,854
I mean, I've had girls share pictures of,

673
00:21:54,404 --> 00:21:57,134
I, I'm not, I like porn, you know?

674
00:21:57,134 --> 00:21:58,364
I like to see stuff like that.

675
00:21:58,364 --> 00:22:01,664
But I. I don't want, that's oversharing.

676
00:22:01,664 --> 00:22:03,644
I don't even, I don't
fucking know you, man.

677
00:22:03,884 --> 00:22:05,534
Like, why are you sharing that with me?

678
00:22:05,534 --> 00:22:06,059
Because they want you to

679
00:22:06,059 --> 00:22:08,804
share, or, or, you know, when they message
you and all of a sudden they message

680
00:22:08,804 --> 00:22:10,064
you and it's like, Hey, how's it going?

681
00:22:10,064 --> 00:22:11,294
And I'm like, good, how you doing?

682
00:22:11,294 --> 00:22:12,404
And then all of a sudden, bam.

683
00:22:12,764 --> 00:22:16,304
There's a video of of, of him
and and his wife getting it on.

684
00:22:16,364 --> 00:22:16,664
Yeah.

685
00:22:16,784 --> 00:22:18,614
And he is like, that's me and my wife.

686
00:22:18,644 --> 00:22:19,274
What do you think?

687
00:22:19,274 --> 00:22:21,004
And I'm like hey, good for you man.

688
00:22:21,364 --> 00:22:21,814
Good to go.

689
00:22:22,264 --> 00:22:22,804
Good job.

690
00:22:23,194 --> 00:22:24,514
Hope you got some water after that.

691
00:22:25,234 --> 00:22:28,804
And then they'd be like, uh,
so am I gonna see anything?

692
00:22:28,804 --> 00:22:29,224
And I'm like,

693
00:22:29,724 --> 00:22:29,944
what the fuck?

694
00:22:29,944 --> 00:22:30,169
Fuck.

695
00:22:30,169 --> 00:22:30,769
Directing to the spicy.

696
00:22:30,769 --> 00:22:33,264
Are you fucking, are
you gonna see anything?

697
00:22:33,324 --> 00:22:35,064
You just saw your own video.

698
00:22:35,064 --> 00:22:36,054
That should be good enough.

699
00:22:36,564 --> 00:22:37,464
What do you want from me?

700
00:22:37,464 --> 00:22:37,524
You

701
00:22:37,794 --> 00:22:38,124
gotta, Jamaica.

702
00:22:38,124 --> 00:22:38,729
I don't do that.

703
00:22:39,534 --> 00:22:40,764
You gotta jerk him to the spicy page.

704
00:22:40,854 --> 00:22:41,844
I don't even think about that.

705
00:22:41,844 --> 00:22:42,114
I should.

706
00:22:42,114 --> 00:22:42,894
I should, baby.

707
00:22:42,954 --> 00:22:44,184
I don't even think about it.

708
00:22:44,274 --> 00:22:44,844
I'm just like,

709
00:22:44,844 --> 00:22:45,289
and you want money?

710
00:22:46,284 --> 00:22:48,474
I could use some, I could use some.

711
00:22:48,474 --> 00:22:48,774
Yeah.

712
00:22:48,894 --> 00:22:49,374
There you go.

713
00:22:49,374 --> 00:22:51,074
Because your boy ain't
got he ain't got a job.

714
00:22:51,404 --> 00:22:51,914
What can I say?

715
00:22:51,914 --> 00:22:51,924
Can.

716
00:22:52,294 --> 00:22:55,319
That's me oversharing, that's you over
sharing explicit details in spaces

717
00:22:55,319 --> 00:22:57,209
that didn't consent to that energy.

718
00:22:57,299 --> 00:22:58,469
So we're moving along.

719
00:22:58,969 --> 00:23:00,739
I like how we move along.

720
00:23:01,039 --> 00:23:03,559
Now this is one that I kind
of struggle with the vibe of.

721
00:23:03,769 --> 00:23:06,049
I'm allowed to do whatever I want.

722
00:23:06,469 --> 00:23:06,739
Oh,

723
00:23:06,739 --> 00:23:09,199
and if you don't like
it, that's your issue.

724
00:23:09,649 --> 00:23:11,924
You mean like for a, a couple

725
00:23:12,824 --> 00:23:14,624
for a couple for a single.

726
00:23:15,564 --> 00:23:21,274
I know I've met bulls that, that
feel that way and act in that way.

727
00:23:21,334 --> 00:23:25,369
I've met unicorns that feel
and act in that way, and I've

728
00:23:25,369 --> 00:23:27,569
met Overprivileged couples

729
00:23:28,229 --> 00:23:28,649
Really?

730
00:23:28,799 --> 00:23:31,479
That have thought that way.

731
00:23:31,979 --> 00:23:33,324
Totes ma goats, it's a thing.

732
00:23:33,824 --> 00:23:34,604
It is legit.

733
00:23:34,949 --> 00:23:35,714
I don't think I have,

734
00:23:35,714 --> 00:23:38,624
and I, and I think there's several of you
out there who are listening to this that

735
00:23:38,804 --> 00:23:40,514
absolutely know what I'm talking about.

736
00:23:40,514 --> 00:23:43,754
You absolutely know
what I'm talking about.

737
00:23:43,754 --> 00:23:44,384
I don't even have to say it.

738
00:23:45,014 --> 00:23:45,554
I ain't have to say it.

739
00:23:45,914 --> 00:23:47,589
I just said it now, you know.

740
00:23:48,279 --> 00:23:49,244
There it is.

741
00:23:49,544 --> 00:23:51,104
Moving on ladies and gents.

742
00:23:51,134 --> 00:23:51,644
Geez.

743
00:23:52,034 --> 00:23:52,424
Whoa.

744
00:23:53,294 --> 00:23:54,044
That was heated.

745
00:23:54,134 --> 00:23:56,354
Oh, that was hot.

746
00:23:56,854 --> 00:24:02,594
So we're going over advice we hear all
the time that can actually cause harm.

747
00:24:02,864 --> 00:24:08,394
Now I bring this up because I've,
you know, we, we rub elbows with a

748
00:24:08,394 --> 00:24:09,774
lot of different content creators.

749
00:24:09,774 --> 00:24:09,864
Mm-hmm.

750
00:24:10,104 --> 00:24:12,294
A lot of podcasters in this niche.

751
00:24:12,504 --> 00:24:12,774
Yes.

752
00:24:12,804 --> 00:24:14,454
And, you know, I love everybody.

753
00:24:14,454 --> 00:24:15,779
Everybody's got their own thing.

754
00:24:16,514 --> 00:24:18,074
They have in this niche.

755
00:24:18,134 --> 00:24:18,254
Mm-hmm.

756
00:24:18,584 --> 00:24:20,834
And it's fun to see
everybody's differences.

757
00:24:20,954 --> 00:24:21,104
Mm-hmm.

758
00:24:21,974 --> 00:24:26,744
Uh, but I've been told by a lot of
content creators or podcasters, whoever,

759
00:24:27,244 --> 00:24:31,144
that they don't like to educate.

760
00:24:31,924 --> 00:24:33,454
They're not here to educate.

761
00:24:33,964 --> 00:24:36,244
When people ask, well, what are swingers?

762
00:24:36,244 --> 00:24:40,534
Or when people ask, well, what's
a, you know, what's an MFM?

763
00:24:40,534 --> 00:24:43,804
Or things like that, their
response is, well Google it.

764
00:24:44,304 --> 00:24:47,429
And you know, that just,
oh, it just sticks in.

765
00:24:47,429 --> 00:24:47,784
That makes it

766
00:24:47,784 --> 00:24:48,144
cringe.

767
00:24:48,174 --> 00:24:48,594
Yeah.

768
00:24:48,829 --> 00:24:49,389
I, I don't like it.

769
00:24:49,389 --> 00:24:49,409
I don't

770
00:24:49,584 --> 00:24:50,034
like that.

771
00:24:50,034 --> 00:24:50,694
I don't like it either.

772
00:24:50,694 --> 00:24:50,814
That's

773
00:24:50,844 --> 00:24:51,204
a rude,

774
00:24:51,254 --> 00:24:52,874
Because we're in this space.

775
00:24:53,519 --> 00:24:55,289
For people who wanna know.

776
00:24:55,559 --> 00:24:58,619
I mean, we tell everybody,
these are just our experiences

777
00:24:58,619 --> 00:25:00,509
and this can happen to you.

778
00:25:01,079 --> 00:25:03,539
However you take it is how you take it.

779
00:25:03,539 --> 00:25:07,859
But we're not educators, but we'll
give you our experiences and you

780
00:25:07,859 --> 00:25:09,119
can take what you want from that.

781
00:25:09,299 --> 00:25:10,049
Yeah, totally.

782
00:25:10,049 --> 00:25:10,169
You know,

783
00:25:10,169 --> 00:25:13,859
I mean, that's just how else are you
going to learn about the lifestyle if

784
00:25:13,859 --> 00:25:18,059
you don't educate in the lifestyle?

785
00:25:18,359 --> 00:25:19,019
This is true.

786
00:25:19,409 --> 00:25:20,969
This is very, I did
quotate air quotations.

787
00:25:20,969 --> 00:25:21,389
People.

788
00:25:21,389 --> 00:25:21,449
Yeah.

789
00:25:21,449 --> 00:25:22,109
For those of you listening,

790
00:25:22,139 --> 00:25:23,339
air quotations.

791
00:25:23,339 --> 00:25:23,399
She

792
00:25:23,399 --> 00:25:23,699
did the hard

793
00:25:24,119 --> 00:25:24,779
quotes.

794
00:25:24,869 --> 00:25:25,769
Educate.

795
00:25:25,769 --> 00:25:25,779
Educate.

796
00:25:26,009 --> 00:25:26,579
That's right.

797
00:25:26,584 --> 00:25:26,634
I

798
00:25:26,634 --> 00:25:26,714
mean.

799
00:25:27,644 --> 00:25:28,034
It is.

800
00:25:29,019 --> 00:25:29,239
Ugh.

801
00:25:29,684 --> 00:25:32,474
And you know, there's some people
that listen to this show Uhhuh,

802
00:25:32,474 --> 00:25:34,274
who just love to listen to us talk.

803
00:25:34,274 --> 00:25:38,894
As a matter of fact, we've gotten some
feedback recently from a few different

804
00:25:38,894 --> 00:25:41,204
people that said, look, I love your show.

805
00:25:41,474 --> 00:25:43,034
You guys have a lot of guests on.

806
00:25:43,244 --> 00:25:45,614
We really like to listen to you guys more.

807
00:25:45,944 --> 00:25:47,354
So that's why we're doing
this show right now.

808
00:25:47,354 --> 00:25:47,684
Us too.

809
00:25:47,684 --> 00:25:47,714
Oh.

810
00:25:48,494 --> 00:25:49,634
Uh, and we're gonna kind

811
00:25:49,634 --> 00:25:50,744
of, I sing also.

812
00:25:50,924 --> 00:25:51,914
Uh, yeah, that's true.

813
00:25:51,914 --> 00:25:52,364
She does.

814
00:25:52,844 --> 00:25:53,984
That is a true story.

815
00:25:54,464 --> 00:25:55,094
That is true.

816
00:25:55,424 --> 00:25:57,824
So that's why we're kind of
going back to our roots here.

817
00:25:57,824 --> 00:25:57,854
Okay.

818
00:25:57,854 --> 00:25:58,994
We're getting back to it.

819
00:25:59,159 --> 00:25:59,599
I like that.

820
00:25:59,604 --> 00:26:04,244
And yeah we do educate as well as
try to hopefully entertain you guys.

821
00:26:04,244 --> 00:26:05,894
'cause we are a loving,

822
00:26:05,894 --> 00:26:07,634
we want to entertain you guys.

823
00:26:07,844 --> 00:26:09,044
Oh, we're entertainers.

824
00:26:09,099 --> 00:26:09,849
Entertainers.

825
00:26:09,879 --> 00:26:11,289
What is that accent you're doing?

826
00:26:11,789 --> 00:26:12,839
Entertainers.

827
00:26:13,339 --> 00:26:15,679
That's like a New York UK accent.

828
00:26:15,769 --> 00:26:17,659
It's you entertainers.

829
00:26:17,659 --> 00:26:18,679
That doesn't sound like me at all.

830
00:26:19,179 --> 00:26:20,439
Anyways.

831
00:26:20,739 --> 00:26:21,609
Any who's

832
00:26:21,759 --> 00:26:23,829
So advice we hear all the time, okay.

833
00:26:23,829 --> 00:26:25,749
That can actually cause harm.

834
00:26:25,809 --> 00:26:26,019
Yeah.

835
00:26:26,109 --> 00:26:30,739
When somebody says, just
communicate more and don't

836
00:26:30,739 --> 00:26:33,019
actually teach how to communicate.

837
00:26:33,519 --> 00:26:33,809
Yeah.

838
00:26:34,069 --> 00:26:34,289
No.

839
00:26:34,289 --> 00:26:34,299
Yeah.

840
00:26:34,724 --> 00:26:35,624
And we've heard that before.

841
00:26:35,624 --> 00:26:36,764
I, well, you know, I'll be honest.

842
00:26:36,764 --> 00:26:40,424
I wanted to just say that before,
you know, sometimes I mean,

843
00:26:40,424 --> 00:26:41,684
we're being honest right now.

844
00:26:41,924 --> 00:26:46,934
Sometimes, you know, like we do different,
uh, we'll do webinars or we do live shows.

845
00:26:47,054 --> 00:26:47,144
Mm-hmm.

846
00:26:47,384 --> 00:26:50,324
Or even if we're on, uh,
live on TikTok, which we do.

847
00:26:50,564 --> 00:26:52,874
And if you have TikTok,
you should add us both.

848
00:26:52,874 --> 00:26:55,304
Oh, I was, I'm gonna be on
live TikTok in a little bit.

849
00:26:55,304 --> 00:26:55,754
There you go.

850
00:26:56,174 --> 00:26:59,024
You could be in our home
all the time anyways.

851
00:26:59,489 --> 00:27:03,759
When we do these shows and, you know,
we do as content creators and in this

852
00:27:03,759 --> 00:27:05,769
niche, we get the same question often.

853
00:27:05,919 --> 00:27:06,159
Yes.

854
00:27:06,409 --> 00:27:07,819
You know, what is a swinger?

855
00:27:07,819 --> 00:27:09,619
And a lot of these basic questions that

856
00:27:09,739 --> 00:27:09,979
Yeah.

857
00:27:09,979 --> 00:27:13,069
People who have been in it for at
least a year will probably know.

858
00:27:13,129 --> 00:27:13,489
Yeah.

859
00:27:13,809 --> 00:27:18,989
And sometimes you get asked certain
questions and you know, no matter

860
00:27:18,989 --> 00:27:22,439
what the answer's gonna be, you
just have to communicate more.

861
00:27:22,829 --> 00:27:23,129
Yeah.

862
00:27:23,759 --> 00:27:28,619
But for people who have never
had to communicate like that,

863
00:27:28,624 --> 00:27:28,904
uhhuh,

864
00:27:29,404 --> 00:27:32,824
getting that phrase, just communicate
more, what the fuck does that mean?

865
00:27:32,944 --> 00:27:33,184
Yeah.

866
00:27:33,364 --> 00:27:35,284
Like, you could tell
me to communicate more.

867
00:27:35,284 --> 00:27:41,074
I just yelled at her yesterday about
not picking up her shoes off the ground.

868
00:27:41,074 --> 00:27:43,714
Of course, we communicate more
than I, more than you know.

869
00:27:44,214 --> 00:27:46,409
And then, and then you realize like

870
00:27:46,409 --> 00:27:47,249
that, that's silly.

871
00:27:47,429 --> 00:27:49,464
And then you realize that's
not over communicating.

872
00:27:49,674 --> 00:27:52,884
That's just, uh, you know,
overdramatic communicating.

873
00:27:52,884 --> 00:27:52,974
Yes.

874
00:27:53,454 --> 00:27:55,734
Uh, and then there's so
many other ways to do it.

875
00:27:55,734 --> 00:27:59,424
And everybody has a different way
of communicating a different style.

876
00:27:59,634 --> 00:28:03,584
I mean, we're not, yeah,
we're not educators, but talk,

877
00:28:03,794 --> 00:28:05,714
communicate when you're not angry.

878
00:28:06,214 --> 00:28:07,564
Just communicate more guys.

879
00:28:07,564 --> 00:28:08,314
Communicate.

880
00:28:08,314 --> 00:28:09,184
When you're not angry.

881
00:28:09,184 --> 00:28:09,694
Talk.

882
00:28:09,694 --> 00:28:09,754
Yeah.

883
00:28:09,874 --> 00:28:11,284
Whatever is bothering you.

884
00:28:11,344 --> 00:28:12,214
Talk it out.

885
00:28:12,449 --> 00:28:12,739
Talk

886
00:28:12,739 --> 00:28:12,939
it out.

887
00:28:12,939 --> 00:28:12,949
Yeah.

888
00:28:12,949 --> 00:28:14,794
Your partner is your partner.

889
00:28:15,124 --> 00:28:17,944
They're gonna love you no matter what.

890
00:28:18,454 --> 00:28:21,694
And if they don't tell you
that, then get a new partner.

891
00:28:22,384 --> 00:28:22,684
Yeah.

892
00:28:22,684 --> 00:28:25,894
I mean, it sounds simple and
it sounds crazy, but it's true.

893
00:28:25,894 --> 00:28:26,014
I mean,

894
00:28:26,284 --> 00:28:27,619
don't, don't

895
00:28:27,624 --> 00:28:27,904
settle.

896
00:28:27,994 --> 00:28:29,194
You need to be heard.

897
00:28:29,824 --> 00:28:30,874
You have a voice.

898
00:28:30,874 --> 00:28:32,674
And this is male and female.

899
00:28:33,364 --> 00:28:33,424
Yeah.

900
00:28:33,424 --> 00:28:34,924
You guys have voices.

901
00:28:35,134 --> 00:28:35,504
Use 'em.

902
00:28:36,004 --> 00:28:40,204
That is communication, the way you
tell your kid to go wash the dishes

903
00:28:40,204 --> 00:28:44,444
or ask them a question, chat, GPT

904
00:28:44,944 --> 00:28:45,814
chat, GPT

905
00:28:46,314 --> 00:28:47,454
come to us.

906
00:28:47,514 --> 00:28:51,114
We have a website and
you can leave questions.

907
00:28:51,114 --> 00:28:52,704
You can send us an email.

908
00:28:52,704 --> 00:28:53,094
You can A

909
00:28:53,094 --> 00:28:53,844
voicemail.

910
00:28:53,844 --> 00:28:54,624
A voicemail.

911
00:28:54,624 --> 00:28:54,684
Yeah.

912
00:28:54,744 --> 00:28:58,254
I mean, if you have a question,
we are not educators, but we

913
00:28:58,254 --> 00:28:59,634
will guide you as much as we can.

914
00:28:59,784 --> 00:29:00,144
Yeah.

915
00:29:00,144 --> 00:29:03,804
And you know, we even have our, uh,
beyond monogamy confessional on there.

916
00:29:03,804 --> 00:29:05,304
That's 100% anonymous.

917
00:29:05,739 --> 00:29:07,524
And I, and you can tell us whatever

918
00:29:07,524 --> 00:29:09,984
So that, that's actually,
that's a really great point.

919
00:29:09,984 --> 00:29:10,074
Yeah.

920
00:29:10,074 --> 00:29:13,584
And, and, and that's what it comes
down to is just you have to figure

921
00:29:13,584 --> 00:29:15,114
out what your communication style is.

922
00:29:15,114 --> 00:29:16,974
You have to figure out
how to communicate more.

923
00:29:17,154 --> 00:29:17,304
Yeah.

924
00:29:17,364 --> 00:29:21,104
And you know, if you need people
to help you figure that out,

925
00:29:21,644 --> 00:29:24,584
there are people that, and with
resources that you can reach out to.

926
00:29:24,584 --> 00:29:25,754
Mm-hmm.

927
00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:30,434
Telling people jealousy is always a
personal failure instead of a signal.

928
00:29:30,614 --> 00:29:36,334
I have been told how toxic I
was 'cause I was always jealous.

929
00:29:36,394 --> 00:29:36,664
Yeah.

930
00:29:37,204 --> 00:29:41,554
How ugly that made me
because I was always jealous.

931
00:29:41,664 --> 00:29:44,844
So many things, and I'm speaking
because he's never jealous.

932
00:29:45,414 --> 00:29:46,254
I'm never jealous.

933
00:29:46,704 --> 00:29:49,614
Like he's jealous of our children
when I feed them or I give them

934
00:29:49,614 --> 00:29:50,964
something and I didn't give it to him

935
00:29:50,969 --> 00:29:51,879
because they're freaking spoiled, man.

936
00:29:52,074 --> 00:29:55,424
He's jealous when our kids
are with other people.

937
00:29:55,964 --> 00:29:57,044
That's where he's jealous.

938
00:29:57,044 --> 00:29:57,944
But if anybody like

939
00:29:58,094 --> 00:29:58,274
Yeah.

940
00:29:58,334 --> 00:30:02,504
Hitting on me, liking me,
he's not jealous at all.

941
00:30:02,714 --> 00:30:05,594
This bird, this bird flies
around with a cage around her.

942
00:30:05,599 --> 00:30:05,779
Yeah.

943
00:30:05,839 --> 00:30:06,979
She ain't, she ain't going nowhere.

944
00:30:07,339 --> 00:30:07,939
Ain't going anywhere.

945
00:30:07,959 --> 00:30:08,359
She ain't going nowhere.

946
00:30:08,504 --> 00:30:12,284
But I was always told that
that jealousy was a bad thing.

947
00:30:12,924 --> 00:30:15,324
It wasn't until I got older that I
realized it actually wasn't until I

948
00:30:15,324 --> 00:30:21,284
got with you and we started really
communicating more that I realized what,

949
00:30:21,784 --> 00:30:24,364
where it stemmed from, how to control it.

950
00:30:24,844 --> 00:30:26,734
And it was really communication.

951
00:30:27,664 --> 00:30:27,934
Yeah.

952
00:30:27,994 --> 00:30:28,954
How funny it was.

953
00:30:28,954 --> 00:30:29,644
Just talk to you.

954
00:30:29,644 --> 00:30:30,079
That's what it

955
00:30:30,079 --> 00:30:30,359
came down to.

956
00:30:30,359 --> 00:30:30,839
Because

957
00:30:31,339 --> 00:30:35,389
I think we just said in, in the last
show, I still get jealous of the most

958
00:30:35,889 --> 00:30:36,069
Yeah.

959
00:30:36,219 --> 00:30:38,049
Dumbest things.

960
00:30:38,549 --> 00:30:39,029
Dumb.

961
00:30:39,359 --> 00:30:41,369
And I know they're dumb
because they're mine.

962
00:30:41,729 --> 00:30:44,819
And I'll tell him, look, I know it's
silly, but can you just do this?

963
00:30:44,819 --> 00:30:46,199
And he'll be like, sure.

964
00:30:46,499 --> 00:30:48,239
Rolling his eyes, but he'll do it.

965
00:30:48,689 --> 00:30:50,759
Because it's just, you know,
I communicated with you.

966
00:30:51,179 --> 00:30:51,449
Yeah.

967
00:30:51,449 --> 00:30:51,544
And that's,

968
00:30:51,604 --> 00:30:53,729
and you know that whatever
it is, I'm gonna get over it.

969
00:30:53,999 --> 00:30:54,299
Yeah.

970
00:30:54,299 --> 00:30:58,279
You know, you've, your whole point is
that you want to grow to be better.

971
00:30:58,339 --> 00:30:58,429
Yes.

972
00:30:58,879 --> 00:31:01,009
And I know that, and you've
always shown me that.

973
00:31:01,009 --> 00:31:01,069
Yeah.

974
00:31:01,099 --> 00:31:02,749
So it's like, yeah, okay, fine.

975
00:31:02,749 --> 00:31:05,719
If this is what you need for
whatever you gotta do, fine.

976
00:31:05,809 --> 00:31:07,579
It's not a personal failure, guys.

977
00:31:07,579 --> 00:31:09,364
Like, it's just, it really isn't.

978
00:31:09,364 --> 00:31:11,149
It's just something you're
gonna have it forever.

979
00:31:11,449 --> 00:31:15,169
I get jealous when my kids are with,
you know, their other parent, or

980
00:31:15,739 --> 00:31:19,219
they're with friends and I wanna
see them, you know, they're not in

981
00:31:19,219 --> 00:31:21,199
the h Like, jealousy is jealousy.

982
00:31:21,199 --> 00:31:22,129
It's a failing.

983
00:31:22,429 --> 00:31:24,859
But, you know, the opposite is also true.

984
00:31:24,859 --> 00:31:26,599
And that's more my end of the spectrum.

985
00:31:26,599 --> 00:31:26,689
Mm-hmm.

986
00:31:26,929 --> 00:31:29,299
Because there's people out
there who never get jealous.

987
00:31:29,479 --> 00:31:29,989
Yeah.

988
00:31:29,989 --> 00:31:34,939
And there are couples out there who,
this is an issue for them because

989
00:31:34,939 --> 00:31:35,929
it was an issue for us, baby.

990
00:31:35,929 --> 00:31:37,129
It was an issue for us.

991
00:31:37,279 --> 00:31:39,619
You know, she, she thought
that I didn't love her.

992
00:31:39,624 --> 00:31:39,724
Mm-hmm.

993
00:31:39,804 --> 00:31:41,269
Because I wasn't jealous.

994
00:31:41,269 --> 00:31:41,279
Mm-hmm.

995
00:31:41,624 --> 00:31:41,844
Uh,

996
00:31:42,144 --> 00:31:46,219
and it took several years for her to
realize that I'm just not built that way.

997
00:31:46,219 --> 00:31:46,459
I was like,

998
00:31:46,459 --> 00:31:46,849
he doesn't.

999
00:31:47,449 --> 00:31:48,529
He doesn't care.

1000
00:31:48,529 --> 00:31:52,819
Like, but it was just that he was
so, he's so secure and so confident

1001
00:31:52,819 --> 00:31:54,409
that I was never going to stray.

1002
00:31:55,219 --> 00:31:55,489
Yeah.

1003
00:31:55,579 --> 00:31:56,239
And astray.

1004
00:31:56,344 --> 00:31:56,504
I mean,

1005
00:31:56,804 --> 00:31:57,184
I'm just kidding.

1006
00:31:57,464 --> 00:31:57,664
I know.

1007
00:31:57,664 --> 00:31:58,489
I know who I am.

1008
00:31:58,999 --> 00:31:59,239
Yeah.

1009
00:31:59,359 --> 00:32:00,349
I know who I am.

1010
00:32:00,349 --> 00:32:01,339
I know how I am.

1011
00:32:01,699 --> 00:32:01,759
Yeah.

1012
00:32:01,789 --> 00:32:08,019
Uh, and frankly, I wanted to be
alone before we got together.

1013
00:32:08,109 --> 00:32:08,469
Yeah.

1014
00:32:08,589 --> 00:32:13,329
Like, I really had to go against what I
actually wanted, which was to be alone.

1015
00:32:13,329 --> 00:32:13,839
Mm-hmm.

1016
00:32:13,944 --> 00:32:16,209
And we entered into this relationship.

1017
00:32:16,319 --> 00:32:19,929
Uh, you know, it's one of those things
where it's like, I'm, I'm putting

1018
00:32:20,349 --> 00:32:22,329
that off so that I could be with you.

1019
00:32:22,329 --> 00:32:24,099
I, I'm confident.

1020
00:32:24,099 --> 00:32:24,219
What a

1021
00:32:24,219 --> 00:32:24,909
dumb mistake.

1022
00:32:25,149 --> 00:32:25,809
I'm confident.

1023
00:32:26,079 --> 00:32:26,709
You know what I mean?

1024
00:32:27,309 --> 00:32:28,659
Uh, and so here she is.

1025
00:32:28,659 --> 00:32:29,679
She's still, she's still here.

1026
00:32:29,829 --> 00:32:30,399
She ain't going nowhere.

1027
00:32:30,899 --> 00:32:33,959
And, but, you know, that's the
off, off the beaten path there.

1028
00:32:33,959 --> 00:32:38,939
But what I'm saying is it's okay if you're
not built that way and, and you know, for.

1029
00:32:39,689 --> 00:32:43,714
For that you, you're gonna have guilt
sometimes you're gonna be like, mm-hmm.

1030
00:32:43,799 --> 00:32:45,569
I don't know why I don't feel this way.

1031
00:32:45,574 --> 00:32:45,834
Mm-hmm.

1032
00:32:46,334 --> 00:32:46,544
And, and you know.

1033
00:32:46,544 --> 00:32:46,789
Did you have guilt baby?

1034
00:32:47,174 --> 00:32:48,104
I did a little bit.

1035
00:32:48,254 --> 00:32:52,004
Uh, you know, sometimes I had to
fake like I was being jealous.

1036
00:32:52,034 --> 00:32:52,094
Yeah.

1037
00:32:52,094 --> 00:32:53,324
Because I knew that you liked it.

1038
00:32:53,984 --> 00:32:54,084
It's hot.

1039
00:32:54,389 --> 00:32:54,509
I

1040
00:32:54,519 --> 00:32:54,989
dunno why.

1041
00:32:55,694 --> 00:33:00,924
You know, I just, I just figure
if I figured initially I figured

1042
00:33:00,924 --> 00:33:02,094
you were too good for me.

1043
00:33:02,934 --> 00:33:02,964
Oh.

1044
00:33:02,994 --> 00:33:07,524
And so I always just figured, well,
if one of these days she's gonna

1045
00:33:07,524 --> 00:33:09,684
realize it and she's gonna jet.

1046
00:33:10,374 --> 00:33:14,664
And when that happens, I'll at
least be mentally prepared for it.

1047
00:33:15,444 --> 00:33:16,074
You know what I mean?

1048
00:33:16,074 --> 00:33:17,814
So I've always kept it
in the back of my mind.

1049
00:33:17,994 --> 00:33:18,594
I have an exit.

1050
00:33:19,404 --> 00:33:19,794
Yeah.

1051
00:33:19,794 --> 00:33:20,244
Yeah.

1052
00:33:20,244 --> 00:33:20,524
No, no.

1053
00:33:20,524 --> 00:33:23,454
I've always had it in the back of
my mind till about five years ago.

1054
00:33:23,844 --> 00:33:23,874
Uhhuh

1055
00:33:24,174 --> 00:33:25,074
till the pandemic

1056
00:33:25,129 --> 00:33:25,479
Uhhuh,

1057
00:33:26,124 --> 00:33:28,014
um, after the pandemic.

1058
00:33:28,044 --> 00:33:28,719
And you knew I wasn't

1059
00:33:28,724 --> 00:33:29,334
gonna go anywhere

1060
00:33:29,874 --> 00:33:33,294
after the pandemic and
after we stopped being poly.

1061
00:33:33,684 --> 00:33:35,394
I was like, oh, this
bitch ain't going nowhere.

1062
00:33:35,894 --> 00:33:36,794
No, I just knew

1063
00:33:36,884 --> 00:33:37,064
Yeah.

1064
00:33:37,064 --> 00:33:41,204
That because we hit a pivotal
moment when we stopped being poly.

1065
00:33:41,204 --> 00:33:42,284
It was such a big thing.

1066
00:33:42,284 --> 00:33:43,724
You thought that we were gonna end.

1067
00:33:44,114 --> 00:33:48,524
I didn't realize that our relationship was
as rocky as you apparently thought it was.

1068
00:33:48,914 --> 00:33:51,554
And you know, it, it was
a real big revelation,

1069
00:33:51,554 --> 00:33:52,154
was letting communicate

1070
00:33:52,574 --> 00:33:52,674
with you.

1071
00:33:53,174 --> 00:33:53,774
You didn't see.

1072
00:33:53,774 --> 00:33:53,844
You didn't.

1073
00:33:54,089 --> 00:33:55,934
And it was a big revelation for me.

1074
00:33:56,114 --> 00:33:56,174
Yeah.

1075
00:33:56,174 --> 00:33:57,554
'cause I was just like, holy shit.

1076
00:33:58,334 --> 00:34:03,044
We were not as solid as I
had always thought we were.

1077
00:34:03,044 --> 00:34:03,104
Yeah.

1078
00:34:03,134 --> 00:34:05,834
I better fucking straighten
up and fly Right.

1079
00:34:05,834 --> 00:34:06,704
And figure this shit out.

1080
00:34:06,754 --> 00:34:07,294
We did.

1081
00:34:07,414 --> 00:34:07,864
We did.

1082
00:34:08,164 --> 00:34:08,644
We did.

1083
00:34:08,644 --> 00:34:10,984
And things got so much better from that.

1084
00:34:11,014 --> 00:34:11,254
Yeah.

1085
00:34:11,524 --> 00:34:15,364
Uh, I didn't realize so much
about us up until that point.

1086
00:34:15,544 --> 00:34:15,844
Yeah.

1087
00:34:16,024 --> 00:34:20,624
And it's almost like we were born
again as far as, uh, US relationship.

1088
00:34:21,254 --> 00:34:21,704
Yeah.

1089
00:34:21,764 --> 00:34:21,974
Yeah.

1090
00:34:22,544 --> 00:34:23,714
And it's funny because.

1091
00:34:24,239 --> 00:34:28,469
I've heard people say that about their
marriage after there was like some sort

1092
00:34:28,469 --> 00:34:34,229
of infidelity or something major, some
major event has happened in their lives.

1093
00:34:34,289 --> 00:34:34,379
Mm-hmm.

1094
00:34:34,619 --> 00:34:36,629
And something happened and then
all of a sudden it's like, yeah.

1095
00:34:36,629 --> 00:34:37,979
And that was our roughest part.

1096
00:34:37,979 --> 00:34:39,869
And then we just pulled
out of it together.

1097
00:34:40,169 --> 00:34:42,029
We've been strong ever since.

1098
00:34:42,089 --> 00:34:42,209
Mm-hmm.

1099
00:34:43,169 --> 00:34:43,289
You know?

1100
00:34:43,289 --> 00:34:46,369
Um, but I didn't know.

1101
00:34:46,819 --> 00:34:51,979
I really didn't know that, that apparently
our, our marriage was breaking up.

1102
00:34:51,979 --> 00:34:52,579
I had no idea.

1103
00:34:52,579 --> 00:34:52,879
Knew you

1104
00:34:52,879 --> 00:34:53,689
weren't really paying

1105
00:34:53,689 --> 00:34:54,079
attention.

1106
00:34:54,084 --> 00:34:54,739
I had no idea.

1107
00:34:54,739 --> 00:34:55,734
I wasn't paying attention.

1108
00:34:55,874 --> 00:34:56,414
No, you

1109
00:34:56,414 --> 00:34:57,094
weren't paying attention.

1110
00:34:57,799 --> 00:34:58,489
That is fair.

1111
00:34:58,489 --> 00:34:58,609
Yeah.

1112
00:34:58,609 --> 00:34:59,839
I had a lot going on.

1113
00:34:59,839 --> 00:35:00,919
But you did, you did.

1114
00:35:00,919 --> 00:35:01,279
We both did.

1115
00:35:01,279 --> 00:35:01,789
Had much going on.

1116
00:35:01,789 --> 00:35:01,849
I

1117
00:35:02,509 --> 00:35:03,049
no more.

1118
00:35:03,549 --> 00:35:03,874
And you know what?

1119
00:35:03,874 --> 00:35:04,004
You pay

1120
00:35:04,114 --> 00:35:04,594
attention now.

1121
00:35:05,094 --> 00:35:07,749
That's, but that's pretty fucking
cool that we can talk about it now.

1122
00:35:07,749 --> 00:35:07,809
Yeah.

1123
00:35:07,989 --> 00:35:10,809
'cause we've gotten a lot
more experience through it.

1124
00:35:10,809 --> 00:35:14,739
And, you know, I'm not saying go out
there and put yourselves and your

1125
00:35:14,739 --> 00:35:18,369
relationship in a position where
you could hurt yourselves in that

1126
00:35:18,369 --> 00:35:20,169
way or hurt your, your relationship.

1127
00:35:21,009 --> 00:35:22,329
What I'm saying is.

1128
00:35:22,869 --> 00:35:25,059
Is learn from our mistakes.

1129
00:35:25,119 --> 00:35:25,209
Mm-hmm.

1130
00:35:25,719 --> 00:35:26,559
Is what I'm saying.

1131
00:35:27,059 --> 00:35:29,039
Do as I say, not as I do, you know?

1132
00:35:29,039 --> 00:35:29,099
Yeah.

1133
00:35:29,589 --> 00:35:34,149
Learn from what we, what we almost
lost our marriage on, apparently.

1134
00:35:34,199 --> 00:35:40,249
Because we're living an incredible
part of our life in our relationship,

1135
00:35:40,399 --> 00:35:41,659
and it's only getting better.

1136
00:35:42,169 --> 00:35:46,729
And that's because we're in a
one income household right now.

1137
00:35:46,909 --> 00:35:49,039
Like, you wanna talk about stress, bro?

1138
00:35:49,279 --> 00:35:54,619
Stress is finances in a two person what?

1139
00:35:54,619 --> 00:35:57,019
Four kid, five kid household.

1140
00:35:57,079 --> 00:35:57,319
Yeah.

1141
00:35:57,319 --> 00:35:58,519
It's a lot of people in here.

1142
00:35:58,669 --> 00:35:59,089
Yeah.

1143
00:35:59,139 --> 00:36:02,499
And we should be at each other's throat,
but we're not, we love each other.

1144
00:36:02,499 --> 00:36:02,559
No.

1145
00:36:02,559 --> 00:36:04,389
We have a, an amazing relationship.

1146
00:36:04,719 --> 00:36:08,349
And I'm telling you, if you
two are on the same page, you

1147
00:36:08,349 --> 00:36:09,639
can only get better from there.

1148
00:36:09,639 --> 00:36:10,569
And it takes a lot.

1149
00:36:10,599 --> 00:36:11,234
It takes, it

1150
00:36:11,234 --> 00:36:11,394
does.

1151
00:36:11,734 --> 00:36:16,234
Our rule, one of our rules
for our relationship is.

1152
00:36:16,734 --> 00:36:18,924
One of us always has to apologize.

1153
00:36:19,794 --> 00:36:20,214
Yeah.

1154
00:36:20,214 --> 00:36:20,454
Even

1155
00:36:20,454 --> 00:36:23,244
if you don't, it's what it's, and
when I told him this, when we first

1156
00:36:23,244 --> 00:36:25,584
got together, he was like, yeah, no,

1157
00:36:25,789 --> 00:36:26,309
I hated it

1158
00:36:26,609 --> 00:36:26,829
and

1159
00:36:27,149 --> 00:36:27,709
I hated it.

1160
00:36:28,344 --> 00:36:29,874
I think, fuck that.

1161
00:36:29,874 --> 00:36:33,624
Maybe after years I was like, dude,
I'm always apologizing to you.

1162
00:36:33,624 --> 00:36:34,584
Like I'm done.

1163
00:36:35,004 --> 00:36:36,024
I'm done apologizing.

1164
00:36:36,029 --> 00:36:36,149
She did.

1165
00:36:36,444 --> 00:36:36,834
She said

1166
00:36:36,939 --> 00:36:40,374
exactly that and, and I think that's when
he switched and he was like, oh shit.

1167
00:36:40,374 --> 00:36:45,104
I guess I should you know, because
we both also said that if it's for

1168
00:36:45,104 --> 00:36:47,714
the relationship, we are gonna be
changing whatever we have to change.

1169
00:36:47,714 --> 00:36:47,804
Right.

1170
00:36:47,924 --> 00:36:49,784
I used to drink a lot.

1171
00:36:49,784 --> 00:36:50,324
I stopped.

1172
00:36:50,354 --> 00:36:50,414
Yeah.

1173
00:36:50,774 --> 00:36:52,784
Um, when we first got together.

1174
00:36:52,784 --> 00:36:53,084
Yeah.

1175
00:36:53,144 --> 00:36:55,209
I was going through a
lot of things internally.

1176
00:36:55,749 --> 00:37:00,279
Just certain things that, that we can,
that we know that in order to change,

1177
00:37:00,279 --> 00:37:05,879
in order to make your relationship good
and very, what is that like strong,

1178
00:37:06,149 --> 00:37:07,529
you know, have a good foundation.

1179
00:37:07,529 --> 00:37:08,789
You have to be able to.

1180
00:37:09,479 --> 00:37:11,489
Somebody has to be the bigger
person every now and then, man.

1181
00:37:11,909 --> 00:37:12,359
Yeah.

1182
00:37:12,449 --> 00:37:13,174
Tick that teeth.

1183
00:37:13,174 --> 00:37:13,334
Yeah.

1184
00:37:13,334 --> 00:37:16,559
That get that tail and stick it between
your legs and just be like, I'm sorry.

1185
00:37:16,769 --> 00:37:18,374
And it hurts like a motherfucker.

1186
00:37:18,374 --> 00:37:18,749
And it sucks.

1187
00:37:19,009 --> 00:37:23,264
It hurts to have to apologize
when you feel you are not wrong.

1188
00:37:23,414 --> 00:37:23,684
Yeah.

1189
00:37:24,614 --> 00:37:29,624
Now if you have, if you have a partner
that you know you can apologize to,

1190
00:37:29,714 --> 00:37:33,164
and then that's, you know, that that's
gonna start the healing process.

1191
00:37:33,164 --> 00:37:34,094
That's gonna start us.

1192
00:37:34,244 --> 00:37:34,304
Yeah.

1193
00:37:34,304 --> 00:37:35,294
Our working together.

1194
00:37:35,294 --> 00:37:38,554
We're gonna talk this out,
everything's gonna be okay, then great.

1195
00:37:38,974 --> 00:37:46,264
If you have a partner where you apologize
and then they continue on and they

1196
00:37:46,354 --> 00:37:51,004
continue getting mad at you and continue
making it seem like it was your fault,

1197
00:37:51,574 --> 00:37:54,904
even though, uh, you know, it, it's not.

1198
00:37:55,624 --> 00:37:55,984
Yeah.

1199
00:37:56,104 --> 00:37:59,254
That you should probably, I don't
know, consider finding a new one.

1200
00:38:00,009 --> 00:38:00,499
Partner.

1201
00:38:00,964 --> 00:38:01,294
Partner.

1202
00:38:01,294 --> 00:38:02,644
That is, I'm just saying.

1203
00:38:03,304 --> 00:38:05,224
I mean, I'm not a relationship advisor.

1204
00:38:05,464 --> 00:38:06,064
We're not sex

1205
00:38:06,064 --> 00:38:06,484
couches.

1206
00:38:06,484 --> 00:38:07,984
Uh, no, we are not sex couches.

1207
00:38:07,984 --> 00:38:11,824
But I will say that there's a lot of
people who are in relationships that

1208
00:38:11,824 --> 00:38:15,214
forget that they too have an identity.

1209
00:38:15,484 --> 00:38:18,454
They are an individual and what they feel

1210
00:38:18,844 --> 00:38:24,124
And what they think are just as important
as the other person in that relationship.

1211
00:38:24,154 --> 00:38:29,804
But, you know, it takes an it takes
one of them to be and you can sound,

1212
00:38:29,804 --> 00:38:33,254
you can make this sound better, but it
takes somebody who's one of the partner

1213
00:38:33,254 --> 00:38:42,034
has to be more educated in knowing how
to speak, not educated so much, but

1214
00:38:42,034 --> 00:38:45,314
needs to know, like, when I'm upset.

1215
00:38:46,064 --> 00:38:49,994
You know how to talk to me
to figure out why I'm upset.

1216
00:38:49,999 --> 00:38:50,379
Mm-hmm.

1217
00:38:50,499 --> 00:38:50,509
Mm-hmm.

1218
00:38:50,624 --> 00:38:52,934
But you've al 'cause I'm very closed off.

1219
00:38:53,264 --> 00:38:53,354
Yeah.

1220
00:38:53,774 --> 00:38:55,634
Even with you, like, I'm
just like, just what?

1221
00:38:55,634 --> 00:38:56,714
I'm shut, I'll shut down.

1222
00:38:56,894 --> 00:38:57,044
Yeah.

1223
00:38:57,644 --> 00:38:59,234
But you learned how to break that.

1224
00:38:59,474 --> 00:39:04,574
Now it takes a partner
that knows how to do that,

1225
00:39:04,574 --> 00:39:04,699
to break that,

1226
00:39:05,024 --> 00:39:08,894
and the partner who is like,
oh, he's just trying to help me.

1227
00:39:08,894 --> 00:39:08,954
Yeah.

1228
00:39:09,074 --> 00:39:10,304
Let's just figure this out.

1229
00:39:10,724 --> 00:39:13,394
And I'm, I'm gonna say there's
not a lot of people like that.

1230
00:39:13,944 --> 00:39:17,514
You know, I, I'm sure it's different for
different people, for, for me and you.

1231
00:39:18,399 --> 00:39:19,959
I like to ask a lot of questions.

1232
00:39:20,019 --> 00:39:20,229
Yes.

1233
00:39:20,234 --> 00:39:22,539
And, and if there's something
that I don't understand

1234
00:39:22,629 --> 00:39:22,899
Yeah.

1235
00:39:23,109 --> 00:39:26,649
Then I'm very much into, you
need to make me understand this.

1236
00:39:26,649 --> 00:39:26,919
Yeah.

1237
00:39:27,249 --> 00:39:28,929
Because I can't sit here with a

1238
00:39:29,274 --> 00:39:30,519
question and I'm a horrible explainer.

1239
00:39:30,669 --> 00:39:30,939
Yeah.

1240
00:39:30,939 --> 00:39:34,689
And so then I have to know
how to ask the right questions

1241
00:39:34,809 --> 00:39:34,899
mm-hmm.

1242
00:39:35,229 --> 00:39:37,389
To get the right answers

1243
00:39:37,449 --> 00:39:39,399
So that we can figure it out together.

1244
00:39:39,519 --> 00:39:39,729
Yeah.

1245
00:39:39,879 --> 00:39:44,099
And there have been things that
you were just like, I seriously,

1246
00:39:44,129 --> 00:39:46,409
like Midcom mid, mid argument.

1247
00:39:46,619 --> 00:39:47,069
Yes.

1248
00:39:47,069 --> 00:39:49,619
Where you've stopped and
you've been like, I have never

1249
00:39:49,619 --> 00:39:50,999
thought of it that way before.

1250
00:39:51,029 --> 00:39:51,299
Yeah.

1251
00:39:51,299 --> 00:39:53,609
And that makes complete sense.

1252
00:39:53,639 --> 00:39:53,849
Yeah.

1253
00:39:54,689 --> 00:39:57,089
And it was like, what were
we just yelling about?

1254
00:39:57,359 --> 00:39:57,689
Yeah.

1255
00:39:57,989 --> 00:39:59,939
Like, what just happened right now?

1256
00:40:00,239 --> 00:40:00,299
Yeah.

1257
00:40:00,379 --> 00:40:00,709
Yeah.

1258
00:40:00,709 --> 00:40:01,394
I, it's, it's

1259
00:40:01,424 --> 00:40:03,999
been, I mean, you know, we
both, we both have gone through

1260
00:40:03,999 --> 00:40:05,739
that where it's like, oh.

1261
00:40:06,339 --> 00:40:06,759
Shit.

1262
00:40:06,819 --> 00:40:07,329
Okay.

1263
00:40:07,539 --> 00:40:07,929
I get it.

1264
00:40:07,929 --> 00:40:08,109
Yeah,

1265
00:40:08,469 --> 00:40:09,039
I get it.

1266
00:40:09,039 --> 00:40:09,489
I get it.

1267
00:40:09,819 --> 00:40:12,819
Because as I'm getting older, I
am learning how to speak better,

1268
00:40:13,109 --> 00:40:16,799
well, you know, I will say that
you've gotten better at, at expressing

1269
00:40:16,799 --> 00:40:18,749
yourself to me because Yeah.

1270
00:40:18,779 --> 00:40:23,459
For so long I had to try and
figure out what was wrong

1271
00:40:23,609 --> 00:40:23,909
Yeah.

1272
00:40:23,939 --> 00:40:29,669
By why you were acting this way, or why
you were being closed off or whatever.

1273
00:40:30,059 --> 00:40:33,149
And eventually I just started
telling you, look, I'm not gonna

1274
00:40:33,149 --> 00:40:34,499
know if you're not gonna tell me.

1275
00:40:34,769 --> 00:40:35,099
Yeah.

1276
00:40:35,679 --> 00:40:38,439
If you tell me, I can figure
out what the hell happened and

1277
00:40:38,439 --> 00:40:40,539
I can fix or I can apologize.

1278
00:40:40,569 --> 00:40:40,629
Yeah.

1279
00:40:40,634 --> 00:40:44,069
And I tell him like, one thing
he does not like, he does

1280
00:40:44,069 --> 00:40:45,659
not like to hurt my feelings.

1281
00:40:46,199 --> 00:40:46,619
Oh man.

1282
00:40:46,889 --> 00:40:49,889
So if I tell him it'll upset, if
I tell him, Hey, this happened and

1283
00:40:49,889 --> 00:40:54,639
it really hurt my feelings, that
will just, it'll upset him so bad.

1284
00:40:55,469 --> 00:40:56,549
That'll set me off.

1285
00:40:56,554 --> 00:40:57,334
That'll set me off.

1286
00:40:57,334 --> 00:40:59,879
You would, you would think
that she did something wrong

1287
00:40:59,909 --> 00:41:01,409
and I'm not yelling at her.

1288
00:41:01,439 --> 00:41:01,499
Yeah.

1289
00:41:02,289 --> 00:41:05,919
I'm giving attitude because
I'm upset with myself.

1290
00:41:05,979 --> 00:41:06,189
Yeah.

1291
00:41:06,549 --> 00:41:09,669
That I have, and luckily
for me, she knows that.

1292
00:41:09,729 --> 00:41:10,089
Yeah.

1293
00:41:10,389 --> 00:41:14,289
Uh, because it could come out
completely fucked, but it doesn't.

1294
00:41:14,289 --> 00:41:19,959
Luckily but yeah, I, I, I, I get
very attitudey because I'm like,

1295
00:41:19,989 --> 00:41:20,049
yeah,

1296
00:41:20,229 --> 00:41:22,869
God, I just, I shouldn't have done that.

1297
00:41:23,049 --> 00:41:23,349
Yeah.

1298
00:41:23,349 --> 00:41:24,909
Whatever that was, I
shouldn't have done that.

1299
00:41:25,209 --> 00:41:25,719
And I'm like,

1300
00:41:25,719 --> 00:41:26,529
should have known better.

1301
00:41:26,709 --> 00:41:27,279
It's okay.

1302
00:41:27,779 --> 00:41:30,709
Priority of your relationship
over everything else.

1303
00:41:30,709 --> 00:41:30,799
Mm-hmm.

1304
00:41:31,039 --> 00:41:32,119
Like, that's what it comes down to.

1305
00:41:32,119 --> 00:41:32,209
Mm-hmm.

1306
00:41:32,539 --> 00:41:36,559
If you're in a relationship, it should
be your priority over this lifestyle.

1307
00:41:36,559 --> 00:41:38,029
I get, I get it.

1308
00:41:38,569 --> 00:41:41,449
That non-monogamy is
maybe your way of life.

1309
00:41:41,539 --> 00:41:45,589
It is everything to you, but you have
to sit back and you really have to

1310
00:41:45,619 --> 00:41:47,449
ask yourself what is more important.

1311
00:41:48,214 --> 00:41:54,124
My non-monogamy or my relationship
now, some people can maybe be in

1312
00:41:54,124 --> 00:41:57,454
shitty relationships and sit back and
go, yeah, I prefer my non-monogamy.

1313
00:41:57,754 --> 00:41:58,924
Hey, more power to you.

1314
00:41:59,014 --> 00:41:59,944
No shame in your game.

1315
00:41:59,944 --> 00:42:00,004
Yeah.

1316
00:42:00,004 --> 00:42:00,604
Do your thing.

1317
00:42:00,904 --> 00:42:01,114
Yeah.

1318
00:42:01,114 --> 00:42:02,164
At least you'll know.

1319
00:42:02,314 --> 00:42:02,434
Yeah.

1320
00:42:02,934 --> 00:42:08,124
But as far as my, uh, deal here,
I have waited my entire life for

1321
00:42:08,124 --> 00:42:09,924
this woman to come into my life.

1322
00:42:10,344 --> 00:42:15,594
And when she finally did, I told
myself that I would never squander

1323
00:42:15,594 --> 00:42:17,274
an opportunity if I got it.

1324
00:42:17,944 --> 00:42:18,994
So I got it.

1325
00:42:19,474 --> 00:42:23,434
And there's not a single person that
could have me squander that like ever.

1326
00:42:23,794 --> 00:42:24,724
Like it's not a thing

1327
00:42:24,964 --> 00:42:26,404
we've had people try.

1328
00:42:27,094 --> 00:42:28,229
We have had people try.

1329
00:42:28,279 --> 00:42:30,484
We've had people try.

1330
00:42:30,484 --> 00:42:30,494
Yeah.

1331
00:42:30,514 --> 00:42:31,654
We have had people try.

1332
00:42:32,434 --> 00:42:33,589
Wonder if those people
listen to our podcast?

1333
00:42:34,089 --> 00:42:38,949
Uh, you know, I hear that if you are
successful, that haters are listening.

1334
00:42:39,159 --> 00:42:40,119
Yeah.

1335
00:42:40,119 --> 00:42:41,439
So it's possible.

1336
00:42:41,619 --> 00:42:42,879
See, I'm not intimidated.

1337
00:42:42,879 --> 00:42:43,599
I still have him.

1338
00:42:44,099 --> 00:42:46,559
You know, and there was a lot
of people that did not think

1339
00:42:46,559 --> 00:42:48,119
that we would last very long.

1340
00:42:48,119 --> 00:42:48,179
Yeah.

1341
00:42:48,599 --> 00:42:51,719
Uh, there were people that were hoping
we weren't gonna last very long.

1342
00:42:51,724 --> 00:42:51,834
Yes.

1343
00:42:52,174 --> 00:42:57,059
Uh, and there were people that were trying
to prevent us from lasting very long.

1344
00:42:57,489 --> 00:43:03,999
And it just, it, if you can put me in
a setting where I'm in a, a room full

1345
00:43:03,999 --> 00:43:13,119
of beautiful, very well formed naked
women doing lots of sexual acts, the

1346
00:43:13,119 --> 00:43:16,984
one person my eyes keep going to is
this woman that sits next to me here.

1347
00:43:17,589 --> 00:43:23,019
And it's because, dude, I'm, I'm frigging
in love and God forbid I be love God.

1348
00:43:23,764 --> 00:43:25,719
I'd be happy in my relationship you.

1349
00:43:26,544 --> 00:43:30,564
I, what I realize is I, I try not to
say that too many times in front of

1350
00:43:30,564 --> 00:43:34,609
people because I know not everybody
has the same relationship that we do.

1351
00:43:34,609 --> 00:43:34,969
Mm-hmm.

1352
00:43:35,214 --> 00:43:37,974
And maybe they're not as happy
and, you know, it just comes off

1353
00:43:38,034 --> 00:43:39,684
boasty and that sort of thing.

1354
00:43:40,184 --> 00:43:43,394
I mean, at the same time,
I can't be unapologetic.

1355
00:43:43,394 --> 00:43:45,524
We, we work very hard at this.

1356
00:43:45,619 --> 00:43:45,909
Very

1357
00:43:45,909 --> 00:43:45,989
hard.

1358
00:43:45,989 --> 00:43:47,429
This, we work very hard at this.

1359
00:43:47,429 --> 00:43:47,749
Mm-hmm.

1360
00:43:47,829 --> 00:43:53,514
Uh, our relationship is more of a priority
than other things that, that could have.

1361
00:43:53,724 --> 00:43:58,014
And I think even more so
because we're in the lifestyle.

1362
00:43:58,524 --> 00:43:59,034
Oh yeah.

1363
00:43:59,094 --> 00:44:03,534
I think that you, when you're in the
lifestyle, you have to put in extra

1364
00:44:03,534 --> 00:44:08,454
work in this, you have to put an extra
work to yourself and extra work to

1365
00:44:08,454 --> 00:44:13,874
your relationship and extra work just
to honestly every single little thing.

1366
00:44:14,474 --> 00:44:14,774
Yeah.

1367
00:44:14,774 --> 00:44:18,404
You know, Hey, I, we both
had opportunities to stray

1368
00:44:18,954 --> 00:44:20,514
at any point if we wanted to.

1369
00:44:21,054 --> 00:44:22,284
Uh, and you know, it's like.

1370
00:44:22,784 --> 00:44:24,494
What kind of person do you want to be?

1371
00:44:24,854 --> 00:44:26,354
Do you want to be a better person?

1372
00:44:26,444 --> 00:44:30,794
Do Uh, because if, if you take the
bait, that's not where you're gonna go.

1373
00:44:31,454 --> 00:44:31,994
You know what I mean?

1374
00:44:31,994 --> 00:44:33,614
That's just not how that goes.

1375
00:44:33,614 --> 00:44:33,704
Nope.

1376
00:44:33,704 --> 00:44:36,134
You know, if you want to be a better
person, sometimes it causes you

1377
00:44:36,134 --> 00:44:38,444
to say, yeah, no, I can't do that.

1378
00:44:38,944 --> 00:44:39,274
Sorry.

1379
00:44:39,754 --> 00:44:40,144
Sorry.

1380
00:44:40,144 --> 00:44:42,424
But we have a rule about that,
you know, that sort of thing.

1381
00:44:42,424 --> 00:44:44,709
Like, you gotta speak up, you to,
I know it feels uncomfortable, so

1382
00:44:44,709 --> 00:44:46,324
sometimes you have to
speak up, let me tell you.

1383
00:44:46,374 --> 00:44:48,984
And if your partner says, nah,
I don't want you to talk to

1384
00:44:48,984 --> 00:44:51,834
that person, ask questions.

1385
00:44:51,834 --> 00:44:52,554
Why?

1386
00:44:52,894 --> 00:44:53,614
What's up?

1387
00:44:53,614 --> 00:44:55,894
What can I help you to
heal this part of you?

1388
00:44:56,434 --> 00:44:57,514
Be open.

1389
00:44:57,694 --> 00:44:58,054
Yeah.

1390
00:44:58,234 --> 00:44:58,534
Yeah.

1391
00:44:58,834 --> 00:45:01,654
And you know, also, I, I do
wanna say something to there.

1392
00:45:01,654 --> 00:45:05,134
There's, there's a lot of
people out in the lifestyle

1393
00:45:05,134 --> 00:45:07,704
who have maybe not been taught.

1394
00:45:08,634 --> 00:45:12,324
How to do things properly,
etiquette wise in the lifestyle.

1395
00:45:12,329 --> 00:45:12,569
Mm-hmm.

1396
00:45:12,954 --> 00:45:16,434
How to treat other couples in the
lifestyle, you know, how to be

1397
00:45:16,434 --> 00:45:17,844
respectful, that sort of thing.

1398
00:45:18,244 --> 00:45:21,574
I think it was a, another couple that
we had seen one time they said that, you

1399
00:45:21,574 --> 00:45:27,799
know, what seems like common sense in the
vanilla world is not common sense mm-hmm.

1400
00:45:27,884 --> 00:45:29,614
In the lifestyle world for some reason.

1401
00:45:29,674 --> 00:45:29,854
Yeah.

1402
00:45:30,134 --> 00:45:37,464
So for example on, on your lives, people
are making comments about your cleavage

1403
00:45:38,454 --> 00:45:41,574
as you're talking, you know, you're,
you're having a conversation and you're

1404
00:45:41,574 --> 00:45:45,414
educating somebody about something
and they're like, nice cans, you know?

1405
00:45:45,474 --> 00:45:45,954
And I'm like,

1406
00:45:45,954 --> 00:45:46,284
God,

1407
00:45:46,284 --> 00:45:47,514
are these adults?

1408
00:45:47,514 --> 00:45:48,654
Like, what?

1409
00:45:49,284 --> 00:45:53,664
And I guess because I surround myself
with adults, with the adults that I

1410
00:45:53,664 --> 00:45:56,274
surround myself with, are not like that.

1411
00:45:56,904 --> 00:45:59,934
You know, it's, it's, uh,
it's that horny brain.

1412
00:45:59,934 --> 00:46:01,674
It's the lack of control.

1413
00:46:02,374 --> 00:46:03,574
High sexual,

1414
00:46:03,814 --> 00:46:07,234
you know, Hey, I'm, I'm hypersexual,
but I know how to control it.

1415
00:46:07,804 --> 00:46:08,164
I've been,

1416
00:46:08,224 --> 00:46:08,494
yeah.

1417
00:46:08,554 --> 00:46:10,834
For the most part I've been
controlling it my whole life.

1418
00:46:10,894 --> 00:46:11,434
Yeah.

1419
00:46:11,464 --> 00:46:15,904
You know, so I can be around
people and not acting that way.

1420
00:46:16,114 --> 00:46:16,474
Yeah.

1421
00:46:16,714 --> 00:46:17,944
Unless I know I can.

1422
00:46:18,184 --> 00:46:18,244
Yeah.

1423
00:46:18,844 --> 00:46:19,534
Which is different.

1424
00:46:19,534 --> 00:46:20,224
Well, there you go.

1425
00:46:20,254 --> 00:46:20,944
You know what I mean?

1426
00:46:20,949 --> 00:46:22,054
Mean they think they can

1427
00:46:22,429 --> 00:46:22,589
Automatically,

1428
00:46:22,649 --> 00:46:23,339
automatically,

1429
00:46:23,339 --> 00:46:23,459
they're

1430
00:46:23,959 --> 00:46:23,999
like,

1431
00:46:23,999 --> 00:46:24,119
whoa.

1432
00:46:24,119 --> 00:46:30,334
And so that's the thing is, you know, if,
if you realize that, oh, maybe, maybe I'm

1433
00:46:30,334 --> 00:46:34,594
that person that they're talking about,
maybe I'm going about this the wrong way.

1434
00:46:34,924 --> 00:46:37,084
You know, don't, don't
kick yourself in the ass.

1435
00:46:37,084 --> 00:46:38,464
Just try and fix it.

1436
00:46:38,824 --> 00:46:39,574
You know what I mean?

1437
00:46:39,994 --> 00:46:42,844
Try and better yourself
in one way or another.

1438
00:46:42,844 --> 00:46:42,934
Mm-hmm.

1439
00:46:43,174 --> 00:46:43,684
Just a little bit.

1440
00:46:43,684 --> 00:46:44,884
Try and learn something different.

1441
00:46:45,874 --> 00:46:49,474
Try and, and I think the name of
the game really is just respect,

1442
00:46:49,714 --> 00:46:50,674
just comes down to respect,

1443
00:46:50,674 --> 00:46:51,094
period.

1444
00:46:51,594 --> 00:46:52,254
Period.

1445
00:46:52,464 --> 00:46:53,034
Period.

1446
00:46:53,384 --> 00:46:57,764
Inclusive language without
inclusive behavior.

1447
00:46:58,604 --> 00:46:59,744
So we've seen that a lot.

1448
00:47:00,244 --> 00:47:00,484
Okay.

1449
00:47:00,484 --> 00:47:00,544
Yeah.

1450
00:47:00,634 --> 00:47:01,654
We've seen that a lot.

1451
00:47:01,704 --> 00:47:02,094
We've seen,

1452
00:47:02,259 --> 00:47:04,749
so inclusive language
without inclusive behavior.

1453
00:47:04,754 --> 00:47:04,934
Right.

1454
00:47:05,054 --> 00:47:05,294
Okay.

1455
00:47:05,299 --> 00:47:10,329
So we've seen it where people have
said, oh, we're gonna throw an bent.

1456
00:47:10,829 --> 00:47:13,889
Now, I, I, I wouldn't say
that we've seen it personally.

1457
00:47:13,889 --> 00:47:15,929
We've been told by people

1458
00:47:15,934 --> 00:47:16,124
mm-hmm.

1459
00:47:16,204 --> 00:47:16,484
That

1460
00:47:16,484 --> 00:47:17,084
this has happened.

1461
00:47:17,134 --> 00:47:18,604
I can't say that it's happened to us.

1462
00:47:19,104 --> 00:47:22,704
But where there's like meet and greets.

1463
00:47:22,704 --> 00:47:26,154
Oh, so somebody will say that there's
a meet and greet and the person

1464
00:47:26,154 --> 00:47:29,994
that's putting it on is like telling
everybody, oh yeah, come on in.

1465
00:47:29,994 --> 00:47:30,924
It's a meet and greet.

1466
00:47:31,314 --> 00:47:34,824
Uh, we're looking forward to seeing
you guys, and then the people that are

1467
00:47:34,824 --> 00:47:39,924
putting it on don't even talk to anybody
outside of their own little friends.

1468
00:47:40,424 --> 00:47:42,849
We've actually had that happen,
but I have, we had that happen.

1469
00:47:42,854 --> 00:47:44,294
I, I don't allow that.

1470
00:47:44,294 --> 00:47:44,324
Okay.

1471
00:47:44,324 --> 00:47:45,374
But we've not had that happen.

1472
00:47:45,374 --> 00:47:47,249
So if that's happened to me, I, I haven't

1473
00:47:47,249 --> 00:47:47,689
paid attention.

1474
00:47:47,689 --> 00:47:52,544
We've, we've gone to a party where we
were invited and you can tell these

1475
00:47:52,544 --> 00:47:56,174
people had their own little clique
because all the women looked alike.

1476
00:47:56,674 --> 00:48:01,714
And so we went to this party
and we, we said hi to everybody.

1477
00:48:01,999 --> 00:48:05,509
And we met the the, the throwers
of the party and whatever.

1478
00:48:05,899 --> 00:48:09,229
Then we went outside and we met other
people and we came back in and I could

1479
00:48:09,229 --> 00:48:13,069
see little cliques happening and I was
like, yeah, nah, that's not gonna happen.

1480
00:48:13,289 --> 00:48:14,609
Let me see which clique I wanna be in.

1481
00:48:15,389 --> 00:48:17,399
So I'll go and I'll say
hi to everybody, but

1482
00:48:17,399 --> 00:48:18,119
That's right.

1483
00:48:18,154 --> 00:48:18,794
I do remember that.

1484
00:48:18,984 --> 00:48:19,274
Yeah.

1485
00:48:19,769 --> 00:48:21,329
Like, they'll just stay
in their own little,

1486
00:48:21,359 --> 00:48:22,274
you know, world.

1487
00:48:22,274 --> 00:48:22,294
I didn't,

1488
00:48:22,439 --> 00:48:25,319
I didn't realize that that's
what that was, because we were

1489
00:48:25,319 --> 00:48:26,834
popping from place to place.

1490
00:48:26,834 --> 00:48:26,844
No,

1491
00:48:27,089 --> 00:48:28,349
that's exactly what that was.

1492
00:48:28,349 --> 00:48:29,399
They were all cliques.

1493
00:48:29,404 --> 00:48:29,434
Mm-hmm.

1494
00:48:29,514 --> 00:48:29,954
They're all little

1495
00:48:29,954 --> 00:48:30,354
cliques.

1496
00:48:30,659 --> 00:48:31,469
Lemme tell you.

1497
00:48:31,589 --> 00:48:32,039
How about that?

1498
00:48:32,039 --> 00:48:33,179
Lemme give you a little advice.

1499
00:48:33,599 --> 00:48:34,199
Alright?

1500
00:48:34,529 --> 00:48:37,649
If you're gonna host an event, be a host.

1501
00:48:38,189 --> 00:48:40,829
If you need to know what that
etiquette is, look it up.

1502
00:48:41,429 --> 00:48:42,539
That's be a host.

1503
00:48:42,539 --> 00:48:43,139
Good advice.

1504
00:48:43,319 --> 00:48:43,439
Yeah.

1505
00:48:43,649 --> 00:48:44,789
Don't be cliquey.

1506
00:48:45,569 --> 00:48:46,619
Don't be rude.

1507
00:48:47,169 --> 00:48:48,819
You know, I, I understand that.

1508
00:48:48,969 --> 00:48:52,779
So there's, there's a big problem
with, I'm just gonna say it.

1509
00:48:53,019 --> 00:48:57,279
There's a problem with really people who
believe that they're really attractive.

1510
00:48:57,779 --> 00:49:01,079
They feel that they can't consort
with people that they feel,

1511
00:49:01,139 --> 00:49:03,059
that they feel are unattractive.

1512
00:49:03,059 --> 00:49:03,934
Oh, I used to be that,

1513
00:49:04,074 --> 00:49:06,444
Because then that they're
gonna get the wrong vibes.

1514
00:49:06,444 --> 00:49:07,194
They're gonna think, oh, they

1515
00:49:07,194 --> 00:49:07,434
wanna,

1516
00:49:07,439 --> 00:49:09,984
oh, that are unattractive
and Una Oh my God.

1517
00:49:09,984 --> 00:49:10,704
You know what I'm saying?

1518
00:49:10,769 --> 00:49:13,614
I was gonna say, I wouldn't talk
to attractive people because I was

1519
00:49:13,614 --> 00:49:15,384
like, oh my God, I'm, I'm too open.

1520
00:49:15,384 --> 00:49:17,334
No, that's the, no, that's the opposite.

1521
00:49:18,264 --> 00:49:18,414
So

1522
00:49:18,414 --> 00:49:18,954
you're saying,

1523
00:49:19,044 --> 00:49:22,524
what I'm saying is it's
these attractive people.

1524
00:49:23,034 --> 00:49:26,574
They don't, they know it's, I'm
not even saying they're attractive.

1525
00:49:26,574 --> 00:49:30,114
I'm saying they think that they're
attractive and they don't want to talk

1526
00:49:30,114 --> 00:49:34,914
to people that they feel are unattractive
because they feel like if they're nice

1527
00:49:34,914 --> 00:49:38,534
to them, that person's gonna think
that they're gonna wanna have sex.

1528
00:49:38,624 --> 00:49:39,224
Oh, I think,

1529
00:49:39,224 --> 00:49:39,284
you

1530
00:49:39,289 --> 00:49:39,559
know what I'm

1531
00:49:39,559 --> 00:49:39,639
saying?

1532
00:49:39,879 --> 00:49:42,224
A lot of people attractive
or not think that

1533
00:49:42,354 --> 00:49:42,624
Yeah.

1534
00:49:42,629 --> 00:49:43,039
You probably, right.

1535
00:49:43,039 --> 00:49:47,349
Like when we go and talk to people, I
sometimes I think, oh, they're gonna,

1536
00:49:47,379 --> 00:49:49,279
they're gonna say, they're gonna
think we wanna have sex with 'em.

1537
00:49:50,034 --> 00:49:50,424
Really

1538
00:49:50,424 --> 00:49:51,834
when we first got into the lifestyle.

1539
00:49:51,839 --> 00:49:52,234
Oh yeah.

1540
00:49:52,234 --> 00:49:52,254
Oh yeah.

1541
00:49:52,254 --> 00:49:53,814
I remember you used to
say that all the time.

1542
00:49:54,174 --> 00:49:54,234
Yeah.

1543
00:49:54,234 --> 00:49:55,489
Dude, you can be friends with people.

1544
00:49:55,629 --> 00:49:56,089
No, it

1545
00:49:56,089 --> 00:49:56,529
doesn't mean you have

1546
00:49:56,529 --> 00:49:56,609
to

1547
00:49:56,609 --> 00:49:57,209
have sex with them.

1548
00:49:57,209 --> 00:49:57,219
Yeah.

1549
00:49:57,219 --> 00:49:59,424
But in the beginning I
was like, I think so.

1550
00:49:59,424 --> 00:50:01,374
And you're like, it's not how it works.

1551
00:50:01,404 --> 00:50:01,614
Yeah.

1552
00:50:02,029 --> 00:50:03,714
And I was like, it it is, it is.

1553
00:50:03,714 --> 00:50:04,254
Watch.

1554
00:50:04,754 --> 00:50:06,284
It wasn't so,

1555
00:50:06,284 --> 00:50:06,899
it wasn't Goes

1556
00:50:06,899 --> 00:50:07,459
watch everything.

1557
00:50:07,499 --> 00:50:10,824
I mean, you have the occasional one
that they automatically think it, but

1558
00:50:11,334 --> 00:50:12,864
you know, they're, they're usually new

1559
00:50:13,284 --> 00:50:16,734
but, or actually, or just a
little, A little too confidence.

1560
00:50:17,149 --> 00:50:17,439
Yeah.

1561
00:50:17,444 --> 00:50:17,574
Yeah.

1562
00:50:17,664 --> 00:50:20,214
Because I have been I with
you and I'm like, Uhuh.

1563
00:50:20,904 --> 00:50:21,174
Nope.

1564
00:50:21,984 --> 00:50:23,514
I'm telling you he's
gonna wanna sleep with me.

1565
00:50:23,754 --> 00:50:24,744
And it never fails.

1566
00:50:25,134 --> 00:50:25,414
That's true.

1567
00:50:26,064 --> 00:50:27,564
You have said that before.

1568
00:50:27,564 --> 00:50:30,144
Never fail and when it
comes up, it never fails.

1569
00:50:30,144 --> 00:50:30,924
It comes up.

1570
00:50:30,924 --> 00:50:31,014
Yes.

1571
00:50:31,854 --> 00:50:33,654
That's always impressive for me.

1572
00:50:33,894 --> 00:50:34,224
Is it?

1573
00:50:34,434 --> 00:50:35,124
I think so.

1574
00:50:35,214 --> 00:50:36,084
Well, that's nice.

1575
00:50:36,584 --> 00:50:41,294
So what we'd love to see more of,
more grace from people learning.

1576
00:50:42,224 --> 00:50:42,684
Yes, yes, yes.

1577
00:50:42,914 --> 00:50:46,694
More room for reflection
instead of defensiveness.

1578
00:50:47,204 --> 00:50:47,504
Yeah.

1579
00:50:47,504 --> 00:50:51,464
And don't forget that's that
humor does not minimize harm.

1580
00:50:51,944 --> 00:50:56,534
So you can make your jokes, but if
you traumatize somebody, you then

1581
00:50:56,534 --> 00:51:00,224
traumatize somebody, maybe try
and apologize, don't make jokes.

1582
00:51:00,224 --> 00:51:00,344
Yes.

1583
00:51:00,349 --> 00:51:00,889
You know what I'm saying?

1584
00:51:01,699 --> 00:51:05,119
Education that matches
where people actually are.

1585
00:51:05,619 --> 00:51:08,709
Accountability that
doesn't turn into exile.

1586
00:51:09,159 --> 00:51:09,669
Ooh,

1587
00:51:09,819 --> 00:51:10,149
yeah.

1588
00:51:10,359 --> 00:51:13,509
Conversations that feel
like care, not correction.

1589
00:51:13,929 --> 00:51:14,229
Yeah.

1590
00:51:14,289 --> 00:51:15,339
Oh, I like that one.

1591
00:51:15,339 --> 00:51:15,609
Right.

1592
00:51:15,609 --> 00:51:15,939
That's, mm-hmm.

1593
00:51:16,179 --> 00:51:17,754
Well, because that's what we do, isn't it?

1594
00:51:17,754 --> 00:51:17,874
Yeah.

1595
00:51:17,979 --> 00:51:19,479
That is exactly what we do.

1596
00:51:19,989 --> 00:51:22,419
So we are not here to
tell anyone how to live.

1597
00:51:22,419 --> 00:51:22,989
Not at all.

1598
00:51:22,989 --> 00:51:26,499
We're here to say that it's okay to
talk about the uncomfortable middle.

1599
00:51:26,679 --> 00:51:27,039
Yeah.

1600
00:51:27,339 --> 00:51:30,699
And you can love the lifestyle
and still want it to do better.

1601
00:51:31,199 --> 00:51:31,529
Yeah.

1602
00:51:31,949 --> 00:51:32,519
You do

1603
00:51:32,849 --> 00:51:36,839
honesty and kindness can coexist, and
that's where the good stuff happens.

1604
00:51:36,844 --> 00:51:36,914
Yes.

1605
00:51:37,414 --> 00:51:41,374
And this is exactly what we
wanted to do in this episode.

1606
00:51:41,704 --> 00:51:44,914
We didn't want to tell anyone
that they're wrong, but to open

1607
00:51:44,914 --> 00:51:46,414
the door to better conversations.

1608
00:51:46,564 --> 00:51:46,924
Yeah.

1609
00:51:47,344 --> 00:51:50,314
If this is the episode that made
you reflect or even feel a little

1610
00:51:50,314 --> 00:51:51,454
uncomfortable, that's okay.

1611
00:51:51,784 --> 00:51:53,344
Growth usually starts here.

1612
00:51:53,944 --> 00:51:54,214
Yeah.

1613
00:51:54,214 --> 00:51:56,674
So if you want to keep this
conversation going, head over

1614
00:51:56,674 --> 00:51:59,764
to www.beyondmonogamy.com.

1615
00:51:59,764 --> 00:52:04,744
You'll find all of our episodes, our
blogs, the guest bios, upcoming events,

1616
00:52:04,744 --> 00:52:10,024
our merch and our Beyond Monogamy
Confessional, which is 100% anonymous.

1617
00:52:10,444 --> 00:52:10,534
Yes.

1618
00:52:10,534 --> 00:52:14,494
You can also catch us streaming on
Full Swap radio at every Thursday

1619
00:52:14,794 --> 00:52:16,654
at 2:00 PM and 7:00 PM Central.

1620
00:52:16,654 --> 00:52:20,494
And don't forget my birthday
parties on March 14th.

1621
00:52:21,214 --> 00:52:21,394
Yeah.

1622
00:52:21,394 --> 00:52:24,034
At 9:00 PM at Club Eden in San Antonio.

1623
00:52:24,364 --> 00:52:25,144
Oh, it's gonna be on what?

1624
00:52:25,144 --> 00:52:26,464
What's gonna.

1625
00:52:26,964 --> 00:52:27,864
March 14th.

1626
00:52:27,864 --> 00:52:28,494
It's gonna be on.

1627
00:52:28,494 --> 00:52:29,544
We're gonna have a great time.

1628
00:52:29,544 --> 00:52:30,624
There's gonna be a lot of people there.

1629
00:52:30,864 --> 00:52:32,334
We've got the VIP area.

1630
00:52:32,634 --> 00:52:34,134
It is not free.

1631
00:52:34,524 --> 00:52:37,374
So if you want to go,
the invitation is open.

1632
00:52:37,374 --> 00:52:40,794
But you do have to pay
at the door or online.

1633
00:52:40,884 --> 00:52:41,004
Yes.

1634
00:52:41,274 --> 00:52:43,764
Uh, look up Club Eden in San Antonio.

1635
00:52:43,854 --> 00:52:44,004
Yes.

1636
00:52:44,274 --> 00:52:46,554
Uh, and with that, thank
you all for listening and we

1637
00:52:46,554 --> 00:52:48,084
will see you guys next week.

1638
00:52:48,504 --> 00:52:48,654
Bye.