QUICKIE Confessionals: Swinger Secrets, Rejections & Real Talk

1
00:00:12,254 --> 00:00:15,704
All right, y'all, before we
dive in, a quick heads up.

2
00:00:16,994 --> 00:00:19,964
This show is raw, real, and
definitely not rated pg.

3
00:00:20,744 --> 00:00:25,514
We're talking about adult themes, sexual
content, and the kind of stuff you

4
00:00:25,514 --> 00:00:29,864
probably don't want blasting through your
speakers at work or around your kits.

5
00:00:30,464 --> 00:00:34,129
So grab some headphones, pour your
drink of choice and get comfy.

6
00:00:34,469 --> 00:00:34,689
Oh.

7
00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:42,074
Just so we're clear, we are not licensed
therapists, counselors, or sex couches.

8
00:00:42,734 --> 00:00:43,964
Sex coaches.

9
00:00:44,234 --> 00:00:46,214
Sex coaches, not sex couches.

10
00:00:48,044 --> 00:00:51,344
We're just a couple of people sharing
our lives, experiences and sexy

11
00:00:51,404 --> 00:00:54,284
adventures, an ethical non-monogamy.

12
00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:59,054
So with that, pull up a
chair and enjoy the show.

13
00:01:00,089 --> 00:01:03,269
Hello and welcome to another
episode of Beyond Monogamy.

14
00:01:03,419 --> 00:01:03,929
I'm Adam.

15
00:01:03,989 --> 00:01:04,769
And I'm Chris.

16
00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:10,169
And today, normally my beautiful wife is
the one who introduces the show topic,

17
00:01:10,169 --> 00:01:12,299
but she has no idea what we are doing.

18
00:01:12,299 --> 00:01:13,919
I just barely told her.

19
00:01:14,219 --> 00:01:18,509
If you've been to our website, there
is the Beyond Monogamy Confessional.

20
00:01:18,509 --> 00:01:23,429
It is 100% anonymous, 100% anonymous,
and we don't even know, like we

21
00:01:23,429 --> 00:01:24,869
can't even see if there's an.

22
00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:26,609
An email attached to it or whatever.

23
00:01:26,849 --> 00:01:30,779
And so when we went live with
this, we got a few stories, uh,

24
00:01:30,779 --> 00:01:34,589
that came up and I wanted to read
them on the air and discuss them.

25
00:01:34,979 --> 00:01:38,369
Uh, because we, we got a couple
that we can, we can talk about here.

26
00:01:38,789 --> 00:01:43,529
And I really love it when our
listeners interact and, and,

27
00:01:43,529 --> 00:01:44,759
and we're just gonna do this.

28
00:01:44,819 --> 00:01:46,259
We're just gonna do this, guys.

29
00:01:46,469 --> 00:01:47,189
You know what I'm saying?

30
00:01:47,399 --> 00:01:48,179
So let's do this.

31
00:01:48,539 --> 00:01:49,769
Uh, we're gonna get right into it.

32
00:01:49,829 --> 00:01:52,649
Like I said, for those
who are just tuning in.

33
00:01:53,249 --> 00:01:58,079
We have on our website 100% anonymous
beyond monogamy, confessional, where

34
00:01:58,079 --> 00:02:02,339
you can leave your stories, your
questions, anything that you want

35
00:02:02,339 --> 00:02:06,059
to talk about lifestyle related, if
you want to say anything about our

36
00:02:06,059 --> 00:02:08,879
podcast, whatever, it's there for you.

37
00:02:09,059 --> 00:02:11,539
And so here's the very
first one that we got.

38
00:02:12,119 --> 00:02:14,669
This one says, Hey yo, let's dive in.

39
00:02:14,669 --> 00:02:18,719
Been debating on leaving the lifestyle
community since participation

40
00:02:18,719 --> 00:02:22,769
has been at an all time low ever
since we joined the community.

41
00:02:22,979 --> 00:02:26,519
Such great people, but it's definitely
a different crowd than expected.

42
00:02:26,789 --> 00:02:31,019
We have met plenty of great people and
hope to stay friends with them and we can.

43
00:02:31,334 --> 00:02:34,244
Just play outside of the
community like we did before.

44
00:02:34,394 --> 00:02:37,094
It's been hard to find couples
we are both attracted to and

45
00:02:37,094 --> 00:02:39,344
singles are far from available.

46
00:02:39,344 --> 00:02:43,094
Plus, finding mutual attraction
interest wise from the other

47
00:02:43,094 --> 00:02:44,834
couples is always lopsided.

48
00:02:45,104 --> 00:02:47,204
Hopefully this feeling
will pass, but if not.

49
00:02:47,279 --> 00:02:50,879
Then it has been fun getting to
experience something different for a bit.

50
00:02:51,059 --> 00:02:51,959
What do you think about that, honey?

51
00:02:52,019 --> 00:02:53,819
I think why not?

52
00:02:53,939 --> 00:02:58,409
I mean, you're already playing outside
of the community like you've done before.

53
00:02:58,409 --> 00:03:02,189
And if it's hard for you to find
couples that you're both attracted

54
00:03:02,189 --> 00:03:08,309
to, I think you're going in there
with that kind of mental mentality

55
00:03:08,309 --> 00:03:10,019
that it's, it's gonna be hard for you.

56
00:03:10,079 --> 00:03:13,859
And if you let things just
happen organically, you probably

57
00:03:13,859 --> 00:03:14,664
wouldn't have this message.

58
00:03:15,569 --> 00:03:18,719
So I think you're, you're probably
doing something right, you know,

59
00:03:18,719 --> 00:03:20,159
backing away for a little bit.

60
00:03:20,339 --> 00:03:21,689
I think that's a, you know, I

61
00:03:21,689 --> 00:03:24,509
mean, really there's, there's
no wrong way to do this.

62
00:03:24,539 --> 00:03:24,929
Yeah.

63
00:03:24,929 --> 00:03:25,619
There really isn't.

64
00:03:25,624 --> 00:03:27,689
And, and so like I can say,
oh, you're doing a good job.

65
00:03:27,689 --> 00:03:29,219
And I can say, mm,
that's really a bad idea.

66
00:03:29,399 --> 00:03:29,639
Yeah.

67
00:03:29,639 --> 00:03:33,029
I mean, it's, it's person to person
and understand that the decision that

68
00:03:33,029 --> 00:03:37,109
you're making, whatever the decision may
be, it's, if, if you're happy with the

69
00:03:37,109 --> 00:03:38,909
decision, then it's the right decision.

70
00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:42,359
Now, I will say a couple of things
just to think about in passing.

71
00:03:42,914 --> 00:03:45,884
I don't know how long you've
been in the lifestyle.

72
00:03:46,064 --> 00:03:48,074
For us, we've been in for 14 years now.

73
00:03:48,074 --> 00:03:49,244
I will say this.

74
00:03:49,334 --> 00:03:53,594
The first few years, all I was
trying to do was get experiences.

75
00:03:53,654 --> 00:03:57,074
I wasn't really, I wasn't
really searching for friendship.

76
00:03:57,074 --> 00:03:59,144
I wasn't really searching for connections.

77
00:03:59,144 --> 00:04:00,374
I was just trying to get.

78
00:04:00,699 --> 00:04:01,719
Experiences in.

79
00:04:01,779 --> 00:04:05,679
And so when I finally did get my
experiences in, that's when I realized

80
00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:09,219
a lot of my experiences that I had
would've been a lot better with people

81
00:04:09,219 --> 00:04:11,139
that I actually liked and connected with.

82
00:04:11,229 --> 00:04:16,299
Now, it took me a long time to actually
find people that I could like and connect

83
00:04:16,299 --> 00:04:19,989
with, and I mean years, and that's
for a couple of different reasons.

84
00:04:20,019 --> 00:04:20,259
One.

85
00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:22,634
I didn't know really where to find them.

86
00:04:22,664 --> 00:04:25,994
Uh, there was a lot of different
places and frankly, I am cheap

87
00:04:25,994 --> 00:04:27,374
and I don't like to pay for 'em.

88
00:04:27,794 --> 00:04:30,524
Uh, so that was a, a difficulty for me.

89
00:04:30,524 --> 00:04:33,944
Where we found a great community
was in Facebook communities,

90
00:04:34,034 --> 00:04:39,554
Facebook groups, but we also found
that, uh, sdc.com has a, a great

91
00:04:39,614 --> 00:04:41,864
communities in, in different locales.

92
00:04:42,284 --> 00:04:45,884
Um, and, and so that's always a, a
great way of, of meeting people as well.

93
00:04:46,004 --> 00:04:47,534
I think the big thing is.

94
00:04:47,894 --> 00:04:50,024
Don't have expectations.

95
00:04:50,114 --> 00:04:53,984
Meet who you want and, and see
if there's any kind of vibe.

96
00:04:53,984 --> 00:04:57,974
Go out on dates and, and meet up with
people for dinner or for drinks or

97
00:04:57,974 --> 00:05:02,774
whatever, and get an idea of who they
are and if it, you know, by the third

98
00:05:02,924 --> 00:05:07,664
conversation or by even the third date,
if there's just no vibe or even before

99
00:05:07,664 --> 00:05:09,519
that, then say, I'm sorry, but this isn't.

100
00:05:10,064 --> 00:05:12,794
This isn't for us and
move on to the next one.

101
00:05:12,944 --> 00:05:15,524
You know, you can really, I know
it takes a lot, but you can really

102
00:05:15,524 --> 00:05:20,114
kind of make your way through it
and eventually you will find people.

103
00:05:20,669 --> 00:05:22,259
That mesh up with you?

104
00:05:22,589 --> 00:05:22,709
Yeah.

105
00:05:22,709 --> 00:05:26,099
Like I said, we've been in this for 14
years and it's probably been the last

106
00:05:26,219 --> 00:05:29,909
four that I have started finding people.

107
00:05:30,749 --> 00:05:30,869
Yeah.

108
00:05:30,869 --> 00:05:31,619
That mesh with me.

109
00:05:31,709 --> 00:05:31,919
Yeah.

110
00:05:31,924 --> 00:05:33,839
And, and a lot of it was because of me.

111
00:05:33,839 --> 00:05:34,829
I didn't know where to go.

112
00:05:34,829 --> 00:05:35,759
I didn't know where to find it.

113
00:05:36,179 --> 00:05:39,629
Uh, and I also didn't know how to
properly socialize with these people.

114
00:05:39,629 --> 00:05:41,669
I didn't know how to put myself out there.

115
00:05:41,669 --> 00:05:41,729
Yeah.

116
00:05:41,849 --> 00:05:46,079
I didn't know that I had to be
100% open about what I wanted

117
00:05:46,349 --> 00:05:47,789
and what our dynamic was.

118
00:05:48,194 --> 00:05:50,114
There's just a lot of moving parts to it,

119
00:05:50,174 --> 00:05:54,194
and it looks like they, it, I'm
assuming they play together because

120
00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:57,674
they said they're, they said that
they've had couples that it's hard

121
00:05:57,674 --> 00:05:59,534
to find couples in the lifestyle

122
00:05:59,594 --> 00:06:01,439
and singles are far from Yeah.

123
00:06:01,439 --> 00:06:01,919
Available.

124
00:06:02,474 --> 00:06:02,864
Yeah.

125
00:06:03,049 --> 00:06:05,989
So it looks like you already
have your little group there that

126
00:06:05,989 --> 00:06:07,189
they played with people before.

127
00:06:07,369 --> 00:06:07,789
Yeah.

128
00:06:07,849 --> 00:06:08,209
Yeah.

129
00:06:08,419 --> 00:06:12,889
Uh, so I, I mean, I would assume that,
that maybe they've had one or two mm-hmm.

130
00:06:13,189 --> 00:06:14,179
That have gone well.

131
00:06:14,209 --> 00:06:16,489
It really depends on, on
what you're looking for.

132
00:06:16,489 --> 00:06:18,169
I used to always want a big circle.

133
00:06:18,349 --> 00:06:20,509
I always wanted to have
a big circle of people.

134
00:06:20,509 --> 00:06:23,209
I always wanted to have a lot
of friends and stuff like that.

135
00:06:23,209 --> 00:06:23,219
Mm-hmm.

136
00:06:23,859 --> 00:06:26,349
Now I don't, I don't want a big circle.

137
00:06:26,349 --> 00:06:26,409
Yeah.

138
00:06:26,409 --> 00:06:27,549
I want a small circle.

139
00:06:27,609 --> 00:06:34,539
And so I have learned to kind of
wean away some that I don't feel are

140
00:06:34,539 --> 00:06:37,029
fully there for, for me or for us.

141
00:06:37,089 --> 00:06:40,569
Maybe they're half-hearted, maybe
they're just not real connections.

142
00:06:40,719 --> 00:06:40,989
Yeah.

143
00:06:41,049 --> 00:06:43,389
And, and I've tried to kind
of wean away from that.

144
00:06:43,389 --> 00:06:46,664
You know, you look for red flags
and you just kind of go, okay.

145
00:06:47,199 --> 00:06:47,979
That's not from me.

146
00:06:48,189 --> 00:06:48,639
I'm good.

147
00:06:48,819 --> 00:06:49,959
And so, yeah.

148
00:06:49,959 --> 00:06:53,559
You know, that's, that's really,
that's really the tough part with that.

149
00:06:53,799 --> 00:06:57,549
Now, I do have a friend of
mine, my buddy, who says, I'm

150
00:06:57,549 --> 00:06:59,589
struggling on saying no to people.

151
00:06:59,679 --> 00:07:01,899
So how is, how is your take now?

152
00:07:01,899 --> 00:07:04,389
I, I've, I've heard
you answer this before.

153
00:07:04,389 --> 00:07:06,219
I'd really love for you to.

154
00:07:06,619 --> 00:07:11,059
Give your thoughts on this when it comes
to saying no to other people in the

155
00:07:11,059 --> 00:07:12,619
lifestyle who are interested in you.

156
00:07:12,709 --> 00:07:14,629
I, I'm not going to lie to you.

157
00:07:14,659 --> 00:07:17,389
I get that almost every day.

158
00:07:17,899 --> 00:07:18,169
Yeah.

159
00:07:18,379 --> 00:07:23,509
I get somebody who, um, is very
interested but is not, I'm not

160
00:07:23,509 --> 00:07:27,769
interested in them and I just, I tell
them, I said, it's very flattering.

161
00:07:27,769 --> 00:07:29,389
I really appreciate it.

162
00:07:29,929 --> 00:07:33,409
Thank you for reaching out, but I am
just looking for friends right now.

163
00:07:33,824 --> 00:07:34,184
Yeah.

164
00:07:34,334 --> 00:07:34,694
You know,

165
00:07:34,844 --> 00:07:40,184
we're all adults, and I understand
you the fear of rejection because

166
00:07:40,214 --> 00:07:43,184
I actually have the fear of
rejection when it comes to women.

167
00:07:43,364 --> 00:07:45,974
I do not have that fear of
rejection when it comes to men.

168
00:07:45,974 --> 00:07:49,604
So when it comes to women, not
every woman is going to like me.

169
00:07:49,634 --> 00:07:50,834
And so that's where.

170
00:07:51,319 --> 00:07:52,309
That comes in for me.

171
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:52,879
Yeah.

172
00:07:53,089 --> 00:07:58,039
But I think if you're just very honest,
honest and upfront, don't ghost.

173
00:07:58,219 --> 00:08:00,469
Because we did that in the past.

174
00:08:00,469 --> 00:08:02,179
We were those notorious people.

175
00:08:02,539 --> 00:08:03,949
Do not ghost people.

176
00:08:04,009 --> 00:08:05,839
I am very upfront.

177
00:08:05,839 --> 00:08:07,459
If Adam's like, no, I'm not feeling it.

178
00:08:07,489 --> 00:08:08,749
I'll be the one to go tell them.

179
00:08:09,109 --> 00:08:10,189
We're just not feeling it.

180
00:08:10,189 --> 00:08:11,119
There's no vibe.

181
00:08:11,149 --> 00:08:11,269
Yeah.

182
00:08:11,269 --> 00:08:12,379
And that's a rarity though.

183
00:08:12,379 --> 00:08:14,239
It's usually you're the
one that's not failing it.

184
00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:14,484
Yeah.

185
00:08:14,749 --> 00:08:14,929
Yeah.

186
00:08:15,919 --> 00:08:17,299
There's been times where you No,

187
00:08:17,299 --> 00:08:18,439
I said usually,

188
00:08:18,559 --> 00:08:18,979
yeah,

189
00:08:18,979 --> 00:08:21,259
usually you are the
one that's not failing.

190
00:08:21,289 --> 00:08:21,529
Yes.

191
00:08:21,919 --> 00:08:22,159
Yeah.

192
00:08:22,279 --> 00:08:25,369
So yeah, there's been a time or two,
but for the most part, when it's

193
00:08:25,369 --> 00:08:30,919
come between us two, you are the more
selective person I, and so oftentimes

194
00:08:30,919 --> 00:08:35,614
we are put in this situation where as a
couple, we're talking to another couple.

195
00:08:36,274 --> 00:08:37,834
And I'm vibing with them.

196
00:08:38,104 --> 00:08:39,814
But you're not because it has to be.

197
00:08:39,814 --> 00:08:41,794
And so in, in a situation like that,

198
00:08:42,064 --> 00:08:46,834
and it has to be vibe and attraction,
I have to be attracted to you.

199
00:08:47,044 --> 00:08:50,674
Like it can't just be your intelligent,
like I, there's gonna have to

200
00:08:50,674 --> 00:08:52,594
be aspects of that attraction.

201
00:08:52,594 --> 00:08:56,914
So that's why the super selectiveness
because it has to, you have to have both.

202
00:08:56,974 --> 00:08:59,254
Yeah, I, I mean you have to have both.

203
00:08:59,759 --> 00:09:04,259
See, here's something that, that
Chris has realized is that you

204
00:09:04,259 --> 00:09:09,539
can be a friend to somebody and
not have to have sex with them.

205
00:09:09,809 --> 00:09:10,769
I just realized that

206
00:09:11,159 --> 00:09:12,389
you realized that recently.

207
00:09:12,394 --> 00:09:12,734
Maybe.

208
00:09:12,884 --> 00:09:13,829
Yeah, maybe.

209
00:09:14,129 --> 00:09:15,059
I thought I've always known that.

210
00:09:15,299 --> 00:09:16,379
No, no, no.

211
00:09:16,379 --> 00:09:19,109
We've had that conversation probably
about a year and a half ago.

212
00:09:19,324 --> 00:09:19,614
Yeah.

213
00:09:19,889 --> 00:09:20,579
Yeah, I guess so.

214
00:09:20,849 --> 00:09:21,059
Yeah.

215
00:09:21,244 --> 00:09:21,534
Yeah.

216
00:09:21,554 --> 00:09:21,869
So yeah.

217
00:09:21,869 --> 00:09:27,689
So for the longest time you didn't, if
somebody was attracted to you, you would.

218
00:09:28,139 --> 00:09:30,089
And you were not attracted to them.

219
00:09:30,089 --> 00:09:32,849
You wouldn't even consider
them a, as a friend.

220
00:09:33,179 --> 00:09:35,489
Like you wouldn't want to hang out
with them because you knew that

221
00:09:35,489 --> 00:09:38,309
they wanted to have sex with you
and you didn't wanna lead them all.

222
00:09:38,309 --> 00:09:38,399
And

223
00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:39,779
it, it gets very pushy.

224
00:09:39,959 --> 00:09:42,689
Um, and now it does not get like that.

225
00:09:42,689 --> 00:09:43,919
Now I can tell my friends.

226
00:09:44,009 --> 00:09:45,149
Yeah, no, we're just friends.

227
00:09:45,324 --> 00:09:46,229
Yeah, yeah.

228
00:09:46,289 --> 00:09:46,559
Yeah.

229
00:09:46,559 --> 00:09:49,559
And you know, when you become friends
with somebody, you get to know

230
00:09:49,559 --> 00:09:50,879
them a little bit better actually.

231
00:09:50,879 --> 00:09:53,849
You get to know them a
lot better and sometimes.

232
00:09:54,209 --> 00:09:55,379
It changes.

233
00:09:55,379 --> 00:09:56,609
It changes their attraction.

234
00:09:56,609 --> 00:09:56,999
The dynamic.

235
00:09:57,419 --> 00:09:57,539
Yeah.

236
00:09:57,539 --> 00:09:58,754
It changes their is yeah, you're right.

237
00:09:58,754 --> 00:09:59,279
Is pretty cool.

238
00:09:59,669 --> 00:09:59,969
Yeah.

239
00:09:59,969 --> 00:10:04,229
So, you know, for me, I, you know,
talking to, to my buddy who had that,

240
00:10:04,259 --> 00:10:06,389
that question, I've had that before.

241
00:10:06,389 --> 00:10:07,799
I'm not good at saying no,

242
00:10:08,399 --> 00:10:08,729
no,

243
00:10:08,849 --> 00:10:10,229
I am not good at saying no.

244
00:10:10,229 --> 00:10:13,409
Frankly, it's, I don't
like to hurt feelings.

245
00:10:13,889 --> 00:10:15,779
Um, I don't like to.

246
00:10:16,379 --> 00:10:22,679
Come off, uh, rude, but at the same
time, I'm not doing them a good service

247
00:10:22,679 --> 00:10:29,399
by not being full, uh, openly, upfront
with how I'm feeling about that.

248
00:10:29,404 --> 00:10:34,559
And yeah, and I think women, when you're
not, when you are not upfront about it.

249
00:10:34,964 --> 00:10:40,334
Um, I think women take the cue of that
you are interested even when you're not

250
00:10:40,334 --> 00:10:43,244
interested because you still, it can be
misconstrued because you still are their

251
00:10:43,244 --> 00:10:47,594
friends and you're still very charming
and you still give off the flirty vibes.

252
00:10:47,714 --> 00:10:51,914
And so I don't think they understand
sometimes that, that back and forth.

253
00:10:52,244 --> 00:10:52,394
Yeah.

254
00:10:52,394 --> 00:10:53,079
Well, you know, I'm.

255
00:10:53,679 --> 00:10:58,449
When I'm friends with, with both
women and men, I, I try to act the

256
00:10:58,449 --> 00:11:03,729
same with both of them, but I am,
I am overly friendly with both men

257
00:11:03,729 --> 00:11:09,309
and women, and women can misconstrue
that as, as flirty or, or leading on.

258
00:11:09,629 --> 00:11:14,999
So, yeah, I, I, I really do think that
it is important to be upfront and honest.

259
00:11:14,999 --> 00:11:19,559
If you are not interested, I think
that it needs to be said, but I am

260
00:11:19,559 --> 00:11:23,489
also a big believer in I could be not
interested in the beginning and I can

261
00:11:23,489 --> 00:11:25,349
be your friend, and that can change.

262
00:11:25,379 --> 00:11:27,509
And so that's, that's always a tough one.

263
00:11:27,599 --> 00:11:31,409
I think it's, it's good to be
fully honest with your feelings

264
00:11:31,409 --> 00:11:32,909
and if you say, well, I'm not.

265
00:11:33,494 --> 00:11:38,114
I'm not fully feeling this vibe between
us, so it would be a no right now,

266
00:11:38,354 --> 00:11:41,204
but I would like to continue being
your friend so I can get to know

267
00:11:41,204 --> 00:11:42,914
you better and that could change.

268
00:11:42,974 --> 00:11:43,154
Mm-hmm.

269
00:11:43,394 --> 00:11:43,724
You know?

270
00:11:44,234 --> 00:11:46,724
And if you can say something
like that, I think that it

271
00:11:46,724 --> 00:11:48,734
would be accepted pretty well.

272
00:11:48,944 --> 00:11:50,384
I think it might go over.

273
00:11:50,744 --> 00:11:52,754
Well, for most, most people I know.

274
00:11:52,754 --> 00:11:56,414
If somebody told me that, I'd be like,
okay, I can, I can adhere to that.

275
00:11:56,444 --> 00:11:57,014
I get that.

276
00:11:57,074 --> 00:12:00,884
You know, the big thing that I've
always struggled with is when us as a

277
00:12:00,884 --> 00:12:05,864
couple, we meet another couple and I'm
vibing with them, but you are not, or

278
00:12:05,864 --> 00:12:10,544
you are vibing with them and, but I'm
not, and so it's one of us that it's a

279
00:12:10,544 --> 00:12:13,334
no and it's one of us that it's a yes.

280
00:12:13,454 --> 00:12:14,774
When it's something like that.

281
00:12:14,774 --> 00:12:19,394
Obviously if one of us is a no, then
it's gonna be a no for the couple.

282
00:12:19,809 --> 00:12:20,169
Right

283
00:12:20,199 --> 00:12:25,299
now we do, depending on the
person, we do play separately now,

284
00:12:25,329 --> 00:12:26,874
so there are times where Chris.

285
00:12:27,629 --> 00:12:30,359
Is not interested, but she's like,
Hey, if you're interested and

286
00:12:30,359 --> 00:12:32,249
you want to, you wanna have fun
with 'em, by all means, go ahead.

287
00:12:32,249 --> 00:12:32,339
Mm-hmm.

288
00:12:32,579 --> 00:12:37,559
But previous to that, if your
partner says no, then it's a

289
00:12:37,559 --> 00:12:39,299
no whether you want to or not.

290
00:12:39,544 --> 00:12:39,624
Yeah.

291
00:12:40,079 --> 00:12:41,279
I mean, it's just simple as that.

292
00:12:41,279 --> 00:12:41,669
You know?

293
00:12:41,669 --> 00:12:45,539
I mean, if, if, if you want play with
somebody and your partner doesn't, then

294
00:12:45,539 --> 00:12:49,379
you can either tell your partner, Hey, I
really do want to, is there any way that.

295
00:12:49,909 --> 00:12:51,559
That I can, I can do this.

296
00:12:51,559 --> 00:12:55,519
Or you can just say, yeah, no, it's
not gonna, the vibe's not 100% there.

297
00:12:55,519 --> 00:12:55,669
So,

298
00:12:55,674 --> 00:12:55,854
yeah.

299
00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:56,449
Yeah.

300
00:12:56,509 --> 00:13:00,139
You know, that's just one of those
things that it's, it's the heavy part

301
00:13:00,199 --> 00:13:04,039
of this and it can apply to Vanilla
World as well for people who are

302
00:13:04,039 --> 00:13:06,294
just dating because there's a lot of
people who don't know how to say no.

303
00:13:07,259 --> 00:13:10,649
And I know when we were poly and I was
going through these different dating apps

304
00:13:10,649 --> 00:13:14,729
and stuff like that, I was trying to hit
up all, all these different connections.

305
00:13:14,909 --> 00:13:18,629
And I remember some people telling
me no in a horribly rude way,

306
00:13:18,839 --> 00:13:20,699
and just really ugly about it.

307
00:13:20,699 --> 00:13:23,939
And I remember thinking, wow,
that just really wasn't necessary.

308
00:13:24,269 --> 00:13:27,869
And I think that really made me
skittish on telling people no.

309
00:13:27,869 --> 00:13:27,959
Mm-hmm.

310
00:13:28,199 --> 00:13:30,569
Because I remember how I felt, but.

311
00:13:30,929 --> 00:13:33,539
Honestly, honesty is everything.

312
00:13:33,719 --> 00:13:33,869
Yeah.

313
00:13:33,899 --> 00:13:37,829
And even if it's sour at the
beginning, they'll, they'll appreciate

314
00:13:37,829 --> 00:13:39,359
the honesty in the long run.

315
00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:39,509
Mm-hmm.

316
00:13:39,749 --> 00:13:41,639
So that, that really takes care of that.

317
00:13:41,879 --> 00:13:45,869
Now going into this second
one here, there's a, a second

318
00:13:46,049 --> 00:13:47,219
confession that came in.

319
00:13:47,219 --> 00:13:51,944
I'm gonna read it to you here I am
exploring more of what I need, and

320
00:13:51,949 --> 00:13:56,729
in parentheses it says I need to
explore more of the BDSM lifestyle.

321
00:13:58,109 --> 00:14:00,629
And my husband is helping
me through the process.

322
00:14:00,749 --> 00:14:04,649
I finally found one guy that is very
knowledgeable and experienced in

323
00:14:04,649 --> 00:14:08,999
the areas of what I am looking for,
and I like his vibe so much that I

324
00:14:08,999 --> 00:14:14,009
approve and requested my husband to
approve him as a play partner for me.

325
00:14:14,129 --> 00:14:17,399
My husband agreed, and now the
guy said he's no longer playing.

326
00:14:17,849 --> 00:14:22,499
He hung up his tools, which doesn't make
sense because a few days before he agreed

327
00:14:22,499 --> 00:14:24,809
to be my play partner until he moves away.

328
00:14:25,049 --> 00:14:29,969
I am deeply heartbroken over this
because it is so hard for me to vibe

329
00:14:30,179 --> 00:14:34,739
and approach anyone, and the one time I
do, I get rejected and it hurts so much.

330
00:14:34,859 --> 00:14:37,979
My fear of rejection is the
reason I let my husband take

331
00:14:37,979 --> 00:14:39,869
the lead in all things swinging.

332
00:14:40,079 --> 00:14:43,739
Yes, I have been offered to
have a scene with others, but

333
00:14:43,739 --> 00:14:46,739
I can't seem to be comfortable
with anyone except this one guy.

334
00:14:47,064 --> 00:14:47,994
What do you think about that?

335
00:14:48,174 --> 00:14:48,914
That is a very D one.

336
00:14:48,914 --> 00:14:49,194
That's a different

337
00:14:49,194 --> 00:14:49,494
one.

338
00:14:49,494 --> 00:14:50,124
I mean,

339
00:14:50,274 --> 00:14:53,814
and there's, there's a few different
spots that catch my attention.

340
00:14:54,444 --> 00:14:59,364
One, the BDSM lifestyle is, is, is a
very, I don't wanna say it's a very

341
00:14:59,364 --> 00:15:02,514
different lifestyle, but there are
certain things in the BDSM lifestyle,

342
00:15:02,514 --> 00:15:07,854
like obviously trust is big for any
play partner, but in the BDSM lifestyle

343
00:15:07,854 --> 00:15:13,674
trust is everything because you are
most likely gonna be in a vulnerable

344
00:15:13,674 --> 00:15:16,404
position if, if you've seen any scenes.

345
00:15:17,114 --> 00:15:20,144
Play out in the BDSM world, anybody.

346
00:15:20,264 --> 00:15:22,724
It takes a lot of vulnerability.

347
00:15:22,724 --> 00:15:26,384
You really have to trust the person
who's in control of all of that.

348
00:15:26,444 --> 00:15:31,004
So I wouldn't think it's that easy to find
somebody that you really vibe, that you

349
00:15:31,004 --> 00:15:32,984
really mesh with, that you really trust.

350
00:15:33,069 --> 00:15:34,299
To be vulnerable with.

351
00:15:34,419 --> 00:15:34,479
Yeah.

352
00:15:34,479 --> 00:15:36,519
And we've had that talk
before because Yes.

353
00:15:36,609 --> 00:15:39,909
Uh, you know, I'm interested in trying
things that I've never done before,

354
00:15:39,909 --> 00:15:42,099
and that includes the BDSM lifestyle.

355
00:15:42,219 --> 00:15:46,329
I don't know, like a lot of it
really revolves around trust

356
00:15:46,329 --> 00:15:50,319
issues for me, because I don't want
to be blindfolded if you're not

357
00:15:50,319 --> 00:15:51,639
there to make sure that I'm safe.

358
00:15:51,849 --> 00:15:55,929
You know, I, I don't want somebody
at the helm with me tied up.

359
00:15:56,354 --> 00:15:56,714
No,

360
00:15:56,774 --> 00:16:01,484
like if I'm tied up, you know, and you're
not there, like that's, there's just a lot

361
00:16:01,664 --> 00:16:07,304
to unpackage there and uh, you know that,
so that right there is the big one for me.

362
00:16:07,304 --> 00:16:11,534
So finding that you feel is very
knowledgeable and experienced

363
00:16:11,534 --> 00:16:16,904
in those areas and liking the
vibe and feeling great about it.

364
00:16:17,114 --> 00:16:18,614
Yeah, that is everything.

365
00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:24,494
But then once you feel safe
with this person, for them to.

366
00:16:25,529 --> 00:16:26,609
Just outta nowhere.

367
00:16:26,609 --> 00:16:27,779
Say, yeah.

368
00:16:27,779 --> 00:16:28,199
Sorry.

369
00:16:28,199 --> 00:16:30,509
I'm not gonna, I I I'm not doing this.

370
00:16:30,539 --> 00:16:30,899
Yeah.

371
00:16:31,289 --> 00:16:37,529
I mean, there's probably more to
that on their end, but I'm so sorry.

372
00:16:37,649 --> 00:16:39,119
Like, I'm sorry that you had to do that.

373
00:16:39,119 --> 00:16:40,409
'cause that sucks.

374
00:16:40,799 --> 00:16:45,479
Well, see, and that's the thing is with
the communication, I mean, I, I don't

375
00:16:45,479 --> 00:16:47,969
know exactly what was communicated.

376
00:16:47,969 --> 00:16:48,059
Mm-hmm.

377
00:16:48,299 --> 00:16:48,839
I don't know if it was.

378
00:16:49,259 --> 00:16:55,019
If it was simply that, or if there was
more to it than that, but I, I would've

379
00:16:55,019 --> 00:17:01,229
hoped that if he wasn't going to play
anymore and he hung up his tools, like he

380
00:17:01,229 --> 00:17:06,079
said, he's, that he would give a proper
explanation as to why, you know it.

381
00:17:06,884 --> 00:17:09,914
To flip flop back and forth and
say, yes, I'm all about this.

382
00:17:09,914 --> 00:17:13,634
And then to immediately go the other
way, as soon as you say, let's do this.

383
00:17:13,694 --> 00:17:14,234
Yeah.

384
00:17:14,294 --> 00:17:16,274
Uh, is, is kind of a red flag.

385
00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:20,114
Uh, and, and so with that, you
really kind of have to ask yourself,

386
00:17:20,114 --> 00:17:21,594
okay, what was the situation here?

387
00:17:21,594 --> 00:17:21,659
Mm-hmm.

388
00:17:21,739 --> 00:17:22,899
What, what just happened exactly.

389
00:17:23,119 --> 00:17:24,099
Um, I, I don't really.

390
00:17:24,529 --> 00:17:25,579
Quite understand that.

391
00:17:25,579 --> 00:17:30,559
And so either he was not on the up and
up and it was a situation and, and maybe

392
00:17:30,559 --> 00:17:33,619
it was just, or, or you know, there
could be a number of of things that

393
00:17:33,739 --> 00:17:35,449
could have come up that were unethical.

394
00:17:35,749 --> 00:17:37,429
But there could have been a
number of things that could

395
00:17:37,429 --> 00:17:38,689
have come up that were ethical.

396
00:17:38,869 --> 00:17:42,739
And the problem is, is that it
needs to be communicated 100%.

397
00:17:42,829 --> 00:17:43,009
Mm-hmm.

398
00:17:43,039 --> 00:17:45,949
Without that, I mean, you're left
sitting there going, what the hell?

399
00:17:45,979 --> 00:17:47,599
And you feel that rejection.

400
00:17:47,749 --> 00:17:48,109
Yeah.

401
00:17:48,259 --> 00:17:49,579
And rejection sucks.

402
00:17:49,639 --> 00:17:50,059
Yes.

403
00:17:50,149 --> 00:17:52,589
And you know, it's funny is
that you were just saying how.

404
00:17:53,249 --> 00:17:56,519
You're afraid of rejection for women, but
you're not afraid of rejection for men?

405
00:17:56,789 --> 00:17:57,179
No.

406
00:17:57,419 --> 00:17:57,809
Why is that?

407
00:17:58,139 --> 00:17:59,069
Because they're easy to get

408
00:17:59,279 --> 00:18:00,419
because men are easy to get.

409
00:18:00,484 --> 00:18:00,774
Yeah.

410
00:18:00,929 --> 00:18:01,259
Yeah.

411
00:18:01,439 --> 00:18:02,039
That's so funny.

412
00:18:02,069 --> 00:18:06,029
Yeah, because someone, so someone
just messaged me on another note.

413
00:18:06,029 --> 00:18:10,439
Someone just messaged me and said, it
is so hard for me to find, and I don't

414
00:18:10,439 --> 00:18:14,789
know if this person listens to work
our show or not, but they said, it is

415
00:18:14,789 --> 00:18:19,439
so hard for me to find a partner to
somebody to come over when I need it.

416
00:18:20,789 --> 00:18:22,139
And she was like, why?

417
00:18:22,139 --> 00:18:23,549
I don't know why it's so hard.

418
00:18:23,579 --> 00:18:27,749
And I was like, yeah, it's, if
you're being selective, it's not hard

419
00:18:27,839 --> 00:18:28,799
If you're being selective.

420
00:18:28,799 --> 00:18:30,449
It's not hard to find
somebody if, I'm sorry.

421
00:18:30,449 --> 00:18:31,799
If you're not being selective.

422
00:18:31,799 --> 00:18:34,319
It's not hard if you're being selective.

423
00:18:34,349 --> 00:18:35,249
It's very hard.

424
00:18:35,429 --> 00:18:35,729
Yeah.

425
00:18:35,909 --> 00:18:36,179
Yeah.

426
00:18:36,179 --> 00:18:38,819
And there's, there's any number of
reasons why, I mean, it can come

427
00:18:39,059 --> 00:18:41,669
down from physical to, to personal.

428
00:18:41,879 --> 00:18:42,359
Yeah.

429
00:18:42,359 --> 00:18:44,309
And, and, and how they act.

430
00:18:44,399 --> 00:18:44,729
Yeah.

431
00:18:44,999 --> 00:18:46,439
But yeah, no, men are, um.

432
00:18:48,269 --> 00:18:49,139
Are men are easy

433
00:18:49,199 --> 00:18:50,579
than women, they're easier than women

434
00:18:50,819 --> 00:18:52,344
for me as far as, um.

435
00:18:53,099 --> 00:18:54,869
And I'm not saying, oh, I'm so hot.

436
00:18:54,929 --> 00:18:57,359
I just have, I have a lot of
guy friends that if I need

437
00:18:57,359 --> 00:18:59,009
somebody I can reach out to.

438
00:18:59,249 --> 00:19:02,579
What's funny was, I remember for
the several years when we were in

439
00:19:02,579 --> 00:19:05,219
the lifestyle, you know, and, and
I'm sure that there are a lot of

440
00:19:05,219 --> 00:19:06,689
couples that can relate to this.

441
00:19:06,779 --> 00:19:10,529
Sometimes you have these
moments where it's just like.

442
00:19:10,754 --> 00:19:12,044
I need somebody over right now.

443
00:19:12,164 --> 00:19:13,604
You need to invite
somebody over right now.

444
00:19:13,604 --> 00:19:15,464
Like it could be a, a Friday night.

445
00:19:15,494 --> 00:19:18,674
You got the house by yourself and it's
the two of y'all and y'all are getting

446
00:19:18,674 --> 00:19:19,994
it on and y'all are talking dirty.

447
00:19:19,994 --> 00:19:21,974
And it's like, you know, we could,
we could invite somebody over.

448
00:19:21,974 --> 00:19:24,644
And it's like, yes, get
somebody over right now.

449
00:19:25,769 --> 00:19:28,889
And of course, it's those times that
you can't find anybody, you know?

450
00:19:28,889 --> 00:19:28,949
Yeah.

451
00:19:28,949 --> 00:19:30,569
Nobody's available at all.

452
00:19:30,629 --> 00:19:34,919
And then of course, you know, you, you
get off and then it's like, yeah, no, I,

453
00:19:34,919 --> 00:19:36,689
I don't want anybody to come over at all.

454
00:19:36,689 --> 00:19:37,859
What were we talking about?

455
00:19:38,129 --> 00:19:39,269
Because there's, there's something our

456
00:19:39,269 --> 00:19:40,079
typical weekend.

457
00:19:40,079 --> 00:19:40,259
Yeah.

458
00:19:40,349 --> 00:19:40,619
'cause there's

459
00:19:40,619 --> 00:19:41,789
something cold, horny brain.

460
00:19:41,789 --> 00:19:42,419
It's a thing.

461
00:19:42,479 --> 00:19:42,779
Yeah.

462
00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:46,529
You know, it gets you all gray
and, and, and, and muddled

463
00:19:46,529 --> 00:19:47,939
up and you're not thinking.

464
00:19:47,939 --> 00:19:48,239
Right.

465
00:19:48,239 --> 00:19:49,859
Because you are in horny brain.

466
00:19:50,459 --> 00:19:50,699
Yeah.

467
00:19:50,699 --> 00:19:50,719
You know?

468
00:19:51,464 --> 00:19:53,954
And it's like, oh yeah,
bring, get them over here.

469
00:19:53,984 --> 00:19:55,304
Get them over here right now.

470
00:19:55,304 --> 00:19:55,454
That is

471
00:19:55,514 --> 00:19:56,294
very true.

472
00:19:56,654 --> 00:20:00,854
I, I, this, this past weekend
we attended a hotel takeover.

473
00:20:01,034 --> 00:20:01,134
We did.

474
00:20:01,814 --> 00:20:07,034
And we were in this hotel from
Friday afternoon till Sunday morning.

475
00:20:07,154 --> 00:20:07,424
Yes.

476
00:20:07,424 --> 00:20:11,084
And I'm talking, this is a
hotel of fully naked people.

477
00:20:11,084 --> 00:20:12,584
Everybody's in lingerie.

478
00:20:12,584 --> 00:20:14,414
Everybody is feeling the vibe.

479
00:20:14,414 --> 00:20:17,144
Everybody's got their own hotel rooms.

480
00:20:17,234 --> 00:20:20,834
Like you can, if you wanted to, you could
go from room to room to room to room

481
00:20:20,894 --> 00:20:22,394
and just play, you know what I'm saying?

482
00:20:22,394 --> 00:20:23,299
Like we had.

483
00:20:24,029 --> 00:20:25,409
Several opportunities.

484
00:20:25,529 --> 00:20:25,709
Yes.

485
00:20:25,979 --> 00:20:29,999
From Friday to Sunday to play
with a numerous amount of people.

486
00:20:30,299 --> 00:20:30,509
Yeah.

487
00:20:30,629 --> 00:20:32,909
And with that we did not,

488
00:20:33,089 --> 00:20:33,269
no,

489
00:20:33,449 --> 00:20:35,099
we did not play with a single person.

490
00:20:35,099 --> 00:20:38,489
Now that that wasn't by choice,
I guess it was kind of by choice.

491
00:20:38,549 --> 00:20:43,034
We had to do a live show on Saturday
and so we were there Friday.

492
00:20:43,334 --> 00:20:43,754
Mm-hmm.

493
00:20:44,134 --> 00:20:44,354
And.

494
00:20:45,329 --> 00:20:49,169
Friday night, all I kept thinking
about was the show and how we

495
00:20:49,169 --> 00:20:50,129
were gonna put it together.

496
00:20:50,129 --> 00:20:52,259
This was our first live
show, all this stuff.

497
00:20:52,259 --> 00:20:54,719
And so I couldn't stop
thinking about that stuff.

498
00:20:54,719 --> 00:20:59,219
And so it was really hard to
mesh into the vibe of the party.

499
00:20:59,429 --> 00:20:59,789
Okay.

500
00:20:59,909 --> 00:21:04,169
So eventually we went up to
the room probably about 10 30.

501
00:21:04,229 --> 00:21:04,319
Mm-hmm.

502
00:21:05,399 --> 00:21:08,189
And amazingly enough, we crashed out.

503
00:21:08,249 --> 00:21:10,379
And we crashed out very quickly.

504
00:21:10,469 --> 00:21:12,329
You know, we're very busy people.

505
00:21:13,154 --> 00:21:13,544
Yeah.

506
00:21:13,664 --> 00:21:13,994
Yeah.

507
00:21:14,114 --> 00:21:15,734
And so it's just hard for us.

508
00:21:15,734 --> 00:21:20,054
Like we, when we have alone time,
it's just for us to just relax

509
00:21:20,474 --> 00:21:23,624
and, you know, we've been doing a
lot of traveling and honestly, we had

510
00:21:23,624 --> 00:21:27,014
the hotel room and it was like, oh
my gosh, everybody was downstairs.

511
00:21:27,014 --> 00:21:30,464
We were on the third floor
and we were enjoying some

512
00:21:30,464 --> 00:21:33,104
quiet time and we slept great.

513
00:21:33,344 --> 00:21:36,584
So, and, and that was, uh, another
reason was I didn't wanna stay up late.

514
00:21:37,259 --> 00:21:41,039
Because I wanted to be prepared for the
show, which was on Saturday around noon.

515
00:21:41,099 --> 00:21:41,219
Yeah.

516
00:21:41,224 --> 00:21:42,179
So we, we don't, so we get up.

517
00:21:42,184 --> 00:21:42,474
Mm-hmm.

518
00:21:42,554 --> 00:21:44,939
And we do our regular Saturday routine.

519
00:21:44,939 --> 00:21:45,689
We go get coffee.

520
00:21:45,689 --> 00:21:48,899
We go get breakfast, and I
start preparing for the show.

521
00:21:48,899 --> 00:21:48,989
Mm-hmm.

522
00:21:49,229 --> 00:21:50,819
And I start setting up everything.

523
00:21:51,059 --> 00:21:55,229
Now, unfortunately, that show
is going to air on Sunday and.

524
00:21:55,669 --> 00:21:58,909
There was technical difficulties
and we only got video.

525
00:21:58,909 --> 00:22:00,019
We did not get audio.

526
00:22:00,259 --> 00:22:00,319
Yeah.

527
00:22:00,319 --> 00:22:03,409
So that sh that show is
now not going to be airing.

528
00:22:03,469 --> 00:22:06,409
And it was only for the people that
were there in the, in the room,

529
00:22:06,409 --> 00:22:07,849
which was fun, which was great.

530
00:22:07,849 --> 00:22:08,989
We had a great turnout.

531
00:22:09,139 --> 00:22:10,489
We had a wonderful turnout.

532
00:22:10,879 --> 00:22:15,049
Uh, and, and the people in that room got
to enjoy a live show that unfortunately

533
00:22:15,049 --> 00:22:16,699
nobody else will be able to to hear.

534
00:22:16,759 --> 00:22:18,259
But here's the other part.

535
00:22:18,259 --> 00:22:22,279
So I was looking forward to getting the
show done so that I can kind of take

536
00:22:22,279 --> 00:22:24,169
off my pants, so to speak and enjoy.

537
00:22:24,704 --> 00:22:29,264
The takeover, but I was so
exhausted from dealing with the

538
00:22:29,264 --> 00:22:33,344
podcast and doing everything that
we had to do for this live show.

539
00:22:33,434 --> 00:22:35,274
I was, I was just, I was worn out.

540
00:22:35,819 --> 00:22:37,199
And I'm pretty sure you were too.

541
00:22:37,499 --> 00:22:37,919
Yeah.

542
00:22:38,009 --> 00:22:39,269
I mean, we were there.

543
00:22:39,269 --> 00:22:41,069
We did go downstairs for a while.

544
00:22:41,074 --> 00:22:41,254
Yeah.

545
00:22:41,399 --> 00:22:41,609
Yeah.

546
00:22:41,609 --> 00:22:43,529
We were part of the, the, the areas and

547
00:22:43,679 --> 00:22:44,189
Yeah.

548
00:22:44,339 --> 00:22:47,999
You know, we had talked, we had
talked, we had talked several times

549
00:22:47,999 --> 00:22:50,279
while we were having sex in our room.

550
00:22:50,429 --> 00:22:50,909
Yes.

551
00:22:50,999 --> 00:22:54,779
About, oh, so and so wants to join
us and there's this and there's that.

552
00:22:54,779 --> 00:22:56,039
And oh, well we gotta do is call him.

553
00:22:56,039 --> 00:22:58,139
But you know, that's horny brain talking.

554
00:22:58,169 --> 00:22:58,229
Yeah.

555
00:22:58,439 --> 00:22:59,579
Horny brain was talking.

556
00:22:59,849 --> 00:23:02,789
And then once horny brain ejected.

557
00:23:02,789 --> 00:23:02,849
Huh.

558
00:23:03,809 --> 00:23:04,169
Yeah,

559
00:23:04,384 --> 00:23:04,994
that was it.

560
00:23:05,594 --> 00:23:06,034
That was it.

561
00:23:06,314 --> 00:23:06,914
That was it.

562
00:23:07,289 --> 00:23:09,299
And we were like, I just
wanna go to sleep now.

563
00:23:09,719 --> 00:23:10,289
I'm done.

564
00:23:10,859 --> 00:23:11,219
Nice.

565
00:23:11,219 --> 00:23:11,489
Yeah,

566
00:23:11,489 --> 00:23:12,239
it was nice.

567
00:23:12,239 --> 00:23:12,599
It was.

568
00:23:12,599 --> 00:23:15,629
It was actually some much
needed time to ourselves.

569
00:23:15,719 --> 00:23:19,589
But you know, when it comes to stuff
like that, people feel like if you

570
00:23:19,589 --> 00:23:23,429
go to a house party, if you go to a
hotel takeover, stuff like that, that

571
00:23:23,429 --> 00:23:26,279
you feel like you are obliged to.

572
00:23:26,639 --> 00:23:27,569
Play with others.

573
00:23:27,659 --> 00:23:28,619
Yeah, some people do.

574
00:23:28,919 --> 00:23:29,219
Some people

575
00:23:29,309 --> 00:23:29,699
feel that.

576
00:23:29,704 --> 00:23:29,754
Yeah.

577
00:23:29,754 --> 00:23:30,539
And you don't have to.

578
00:23:30,539 --> 00:23:30,599
No.

579
00:23:30,719 --> 00:23:32,429
And that's something that a
lot of people have to realize.

580
00:23:32,429 --> 00:23:32,519
Yeah.

581
00:23:32,519 --> 00:23:34,139
You don't have to do anything.

582
00:23:34,199 --> 00:23:34,409
Nope.

583
00:23:34,589 --> 00:23:38,489
If you want to come in and you wanna
just watch people, that is totally fine.

584
00:23:38,609 --> 00:23:39,389
That's okay.

585
00:23:39,509 --> 00:23:42,479
If you want to just be there
for the ambiance, that's cool.

586
00:23:42,509 --> 00:23:45,299
That's what's great about this
community, is you don't have to do

587
00:23:45,299 --> 00:23:47,099
anything that you don't want to do.

588
00:23:47,924 --> 00:23:52,634
If, if horny brain ejects and you're like,
nah, no, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go to bed.

589
00:23:52,724 --> 00:23:56,419
Well, okay, that doesn't make you
any less a member of this community.

590
00:23:57,119 --> 00:23:57,989
You know what I'm saying?

591
00:23:58,079 --> 00:24:01,559
And that I think is, is a, is
a big thing for a lot of people

592
00:24:01,559 --> 00:24:03,359
that they just feel obliged.

593
00:24:03,599 --> 00:24:05,069
They feel like they have to Yeah.

594
00:24:05,129 --> 00:24:08,249
And have to, it's you don't have
to, you really don't have to.

595
00:24:08,249 --> 00:24:08,489
No.

596
00:24:08,909 --> 00:24:14,189
Um, so yeah, I, I, I'm, I'm glad that,
that we got to discuss, uh, these,

597
00:24:14,279 --> 00:24:16,439
these confessions that came in this.

598
00:24:16,439 --> 00:24:20,759
So one just came in, is this one, this
is one that just came in, apparently.

599
00:24:21,159 --> 00:24:24,669
Okay, because I was like looking at it and
I was like, wait a second, I wasn't there.

600
00:24:24,819 --> 00:24:26,889
So I'm gonna read this for
you because it just came in.

601
00:24:26,979 --> 00:24:31,599
We met up with a lovely, attractive
couple the first year into our

602
00:24:31,599 --> 00:24:32,949
journey, into the lifestyle.

603
00:24:33,389 --> 00:24:33,659
Hi.

604
00:24:33,659 --> 00:24:37,949
The female met up with the
other wife first for a casual

605
00:24:37,949 --> 00:24:39,149
lunch on a Friday afternoon.

606
00:24:39,449 --> 00:24:43,109
We really connected to the point
that she told me their real names

607
00:24:43,199 --> 00:24:45,299
and showed me her art on Facebook.

608
00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:48,929
We agreed to introduce the
men at an LS meet and greet

609
00:24:48,929 --> 00:24:50,219
that night, which went well.

610
00:24:50,399 --> 00:24:53,099
All four of us got together
for lunch the next day.

611
00:24:53,099 --> 00:24:57,209
We were stunned when we realized We
had sat there talking for three hours.

612
00:24:57,209 --> 00:24:58,319
It was obvious.

613
00:24:58,469 --> 00:25:01,079
We all had connections,
so our next meeting was.

614
00:25:01,294 --> 00:25:03,124
A play date that also went well.

615
00:25:03,334 --> 00:25:07,594
Our next get together was another
friend date between myself and the wife.

616
00:25:07,684 --> 00:25:11,584
I really felt like I had made a
new friend during this lunch date.

617
00:25:11,584 --> 00:25:14,194
She commented on how much
she loved my leggings.

618
00:25:14,434 --> 00:25:17,164
I had an extra pair, so I
thought to send them to her.

619
00:25:17,384 --> 00:25:18,914
We didn't live in the same town.

620
00:25:19,094 --> 00:25:22,754
I looked at their address as the wife
had given me their real names, but

621
00:25:22,754 --> 00:25:26,174
then I thought I'd better ask first
as I didn't want to come off creepy.

622
00:25:26,294 --> 00:25:30,164
I was chatting privately with her
hubby that night, and I mentioned

623
00:25:30,344 --> 00:25:32,714
wanting to send the wife the leggings.

624
00:25:32,834 --> 00:25:34,334
That's when I got put in my place.

625
00:25:34,364 --> 00:25:38,714
He said, we don't mix our vanilla
life and our lifestyle life.

626
00:25:38,834 --> 00:25:39,374
Wow.

627
00:25:39,494 --> 00:25:39,944
Okay.

628
00:25:39,944 --> 00:25:44,429
Then I felt like I'm good enough
to fuck because of the way we met.

629
00:25:44,854 --> 00:25:45,724
That's it.

630
00:25:45,934 --> 00:25:47,944
I wasn't proposing a family barbecue.

631
00:25:47,944 --> 00:25:51,424
I just wanted to surprise her
with a $10 pair of fun leggings.

632
00:25:51,664 --> 00:25:55,114
I wanted to tell him, dude,
I already have your address.

633
00:25:55,414 --> 00:25:59,014
If I was going to to out you, I could.

634
00:25:59,464 --> 00:26:02,044
But I said nothing
despite him pursuing me.

635
00:26:02,044 --> 00:26:02,944
We never played.

636
00:26:02,974 --> 00:26:07,534
My point is this, some people are
looking for friends to integrate

637
00:26:07,534 --> 00:26:09,394
into their vanilla life and others.

638
00:26:10,034 --> 00:26:11,384
Never want the two to meet.

639
00:26:11,534 --> 00:26:11,624
Mm-hmm.

640
00:26:11,894 --> 00:26:14,024
This is something to
know before diving in.

641
00:26:14,084 --> 00:26:17,864
I think that this was a, an excellent
story, an excellent submission.

642
00:26:18,014 --> 00:26:18,314
Scroll down,

643
00:26:18,584 --> 00:26:22,214
uh, because, uh, that's,
that's really, uh,

644
00:26:23,204 --> 00:26:24,074
oh yeah.

645
00:26:24,074 --> 00:26:25,004
No, that's, um,

646
00:26:25,004 --> 00:26:26,924
that's a really a, that's
just a great point.

647
00:26:27,134 --> 00:26:28,454
That's a great point.

648
00:26:28,484 --> 00:26:30,284
And I get it.

649
00:26:31,214 --> 00:26:33,794
I get where he was coming from.

650
00:26:34,304 --> 00:26:35,174
You are right.

651
00:26:35,174 --> 00:26:37,064
Like, dude, come on now.

652
00:26:37,094 --> 00:26:38,234
It's an overreaction, it's an

653
00:26:38,234 --> 00:26:41,954
over, I mean, I think that's
an overreaction and I would've

654
00:26:41,954 --> 00:26:43,244
never played with him again.

655
00:26:43,304 --> 00:26:43,604
So it's a

656
00:26:43,604 --> 00:26:48,404
strong overreaction and and
frankly, uh, that kind of reaction

657
00:26:48,404 --> 00:26:50,174
would turn me off immediately.

658
00:26:50,264 --> 00:26:50,684
Oh yeah.

659
00:26:50,684 --> 00:26:53,264
And I would be like, okay,
dude, no sex for you.

660
00:26:53,534 --> 00:26:53,714
Yeah.

661
00:26:53,714 --> 00:26:54,029
You know what I mean?

662
00:26:54,589 --> 00:26:54,829
And

663
00:26:54,829 --> 00:26:56,389
because like, what are you mixing?

664
00:26:56,389 --> 00:26:57,829
Your vanilla, the mail.

665
00:26:58,069 --> 00:26:58,729
The mail.

666
00:26:58,729 --> 00:26:59,539
Is someone gonna know?

667
00:26:59,539 --> 00:26:59,839
Like, yeah.

668
00:26:59,839 --> 00:27:02,584
Like, like I, I don't
see how that would be.

669
00:27:03,299 --> 00:27:05,819
Mixing vanilla and, and lifestyle.

670
00:27:05,879 --> 00:27:06,479
Yeah, that's silly.

671
00:27:06,479 --> 00:27:10,739
And so, like I said, that reaction
from him just feels overdone.

672
00:27:11,009 --> 00:27:14,099
Not to say that he's wrong, I
mean, maybe that's their thing.

673
00:27:14,309 --> 00:27:17,189
Um, and maybe something has happened
to them that that's their thing now.

674
00:27:17,189 --> 00:27:17,699
But yeah,

675
00:27:17,699 --> 00:27:20,519
I mean there, there, there's
a lot of people and, and

676
00:27:20,519 --> 00:27:21,599
it's a great point to make.

677
00:27:21,599 --> 00:27:23,999
And the fact that there are
a lot of people who are.

678
00:27:24,164 --> 00:27:25,154
Very discreet.

679
00:27:25,394 --> 00:27:25,934
Yes, of course.

680
00:27:25,934 --> 00:27:30,914
If you spent time with the wife and
y'all really got close to each other, if

681
00:27:30,914 --> 00:27:34,634
they were that discreet, I would figure
that would've been mentioned by her.

682
00:27:34,904 --> 00:27:35,954
It should have been.

683
00:27:35,954 --> 00:27:36,344
Yeah.

684
00:27:36,344 --> 00:27:37,784
Now one, one thing, and I

685
00:27:37,784 --> 00:27:41,654
would've really gone to the wife and been
like, Hey, well yeah, but she was trying

686
00:27:41,654 --> 00:27:43,484
to Well, I'm, yeah, yeah, that's true.

687
00:27:43,484 --> 00:27:45,104
If you say, well, I have a
surprise for you, but I don't

688
00:27:45,104 --> 00:27:45,884
wanna tell you what it is.

689
00:27:45,884 --> 00:27:46,694
Can I send this to you?

690
00:27:46,754 --> 00:27:47,324
Yeah.

691
00:27:47,354 --> 00:27:48,644
Uh, that would've been
better and she probably

692
00:27:48,644 --> 00:27:50,744
would've been a little bit nicer about it.

693
00:27:51,494 --> 00:27:51,824
Yeah.

694
00:27:51,974 --> 00:27:52,574
That's awesome.

695
00:27:52,724 --> 00:27:53,294
That's awesome.

696
00:27:53,294 --> 00:27:56,564
You know, I, I, I think that's, this,
this is a really good point, and

697
00:27:56,564 --> 00:28:00,854
I'm really, really glad that my, my
buddy hippie chick went ahead and,

698
00:28:00,854 --> 00:28:04,784
and submitted that because it's, it,
it is really, really a great point.

699
00:28:04,814 --> 00:28:04,874
Yeah.

700
00:28:05,504 --> 00:28:08,894
Um, because there are a lot of people
in this lifestyle that they don't.

701
00:28:09,324 --> 00:28:12,234
They don't mix the two and they
really try and keep them separate.

702
00:28:12,474 --> 00:28:15,054
There are a lot of people in
the lifestyle who don't even

703
00:28:15,054 --> 00:28:16,734
consider themselves lifestylers.

704
00:28:17,274 --> 00:28:17,664
Wait.

705
00:28:17,784 --> 00:28:21,654
There's even people in the lifestyle
that don't even, like, they will not play

706
00:28:21,684 --> 00:28:23,844
or talk to anybody in their hometown.

707
00:28:24,234 --> 00:28:24,864
Oh yeah.

708
00:28:24,864 --> 00:28:27,774
We know some of them,
so Yeah, totally get it.

709
00:28:27,774 --> 00:28:28,014
You know?

710
00:28:28,164 --> 00:28:30,654
So everybody's on their
own discretionary level.

711
00:28:30,654 --> 00:28:33,234
Was this an overreaction totes?

712
00:28:33,264 --> 00:28:34,044
Absolutely.

713
00:28:34,439 --> 00:28:35,309
Overreaction.

714
00:28:35,339 --> 00:28:37,679
But for him, he probably didn't think so.

715
00:28:37,769 --> 00:28:42,839
But realistically, we all have to consider
that whenever we talk to other people.

716
00:28:42,989 --> 00:28:44,339
That's reactive right there.

717
00:28:44,519 --> 00:28:46,469
The way he reacted was reactive.

718
00:28:46,619 --> 00:28:47,639
It was immediate.

719
00:28:47,699 --> 00:28:51,269
It was kind of rough and,
and, and unnecessary.

720
00:28:51,889 --> 00:28:55,729
I think that if he wanted to, he
could have explained his situation

721
00:28:55,729 --> 00:28:59,239
a little bit better, where it didn't
have to be a reaction like that.

722
00:28:59,299 --> 00:29:01,489
And so there's just so many
things that play on that one.

723
00:29:01,489 --> 00:29:06,799
I, I, I, I appreciate that, that, that,
that quip that story because I, I think.

724
00:29:07,109 --> 00:29:08,519
There's a lot to be had from that one.

725
00:29:08,879 --> 00:29:09,089
Yeah, for sure.

726
00:29:09,119 --> 00:29:12,689
Um, so with that, that takes
care of our confessionals.

727
00:29:12,689 --> 00:29:16,799
Just a reminder to you guys out there,
we have the confessional, we, we have

728
00:29:16,799 --> 00:29:19,799
this ability that you can give us.

729
00:29:19,919 --> 00:29:23,459
Now, I, I, I said who that last one was
because, uh, that's a friend of mine

730
00:29:23,459 --> 00:29:27,419
who she outed herself on, on, on my
social media that that was her story.

731
00:29:27,419 --> 00:29:29,729
But like I said, I, I don't know.

732
00:29:29,759 --> 00:29:33,639
Neither one of us know the stories,
who they belong to, that sort of thing.

733
00:29:34,409 --> 00:29:38,009
We love the fact that people feel
that this is a safe space, that

734
00:29:38,009 --> 00:29:42,239
they can give us our, uh, our
interactions and those stories.

735
00:29:42,244 --> 00:29:42,254
Mm-hmm.

736
00:29:42,254 --> 00:29:42,444
Mm-hmm.

737
00:29:42,564 --> 00:29:42,804
We love that.

738
00:29:42,989 --> 00:29:46,949
And so if you want to take part in
that, if you want to talk to us and

739
00:29:46,949 --> 00:29:50,519
not be named, but you want to tell
us everything that you can, you

740
00:29:50,519 --> 00:29:54,269
can do so at our website and we'll
give that to you in just a minute.

741
00:29:54,269 --> 00:29:56,069
But with that, we're gonna
go ahead and wrap up.

742
00:29:56,339 --> 00:29:58,199
We're gonna say, thanks
for hanging with us.

743
00:29:58,454 --> 00:29:59,774
For this week's quickie.

744
00:29:59,954 --> 00:30:00,044
Yes.

745
00:30:00,044 --> 00:30:01,484
Thank you all about the confessionals.

746
00:30:01,514 --> 00:30:06,074
If you loved it, make sure to like,
subscribe and share and leave us a

747
00:30:06,074 --> 00:30:10,334
review because it seriously helps us
grow and it keeps the conversation going.

748
00:30:11,084 --> 00:30:17,144
And you can find everything beyond
monogamy@www.beyondmonogamy.com, including

749
00:30:17,144 --> 00:30:20,744
our Beyond Monogamy Confessional that
he has mentioned, and all our blog

750
00:30:20,744 --> 00:30:23,504
posts, merch, and all the juicy extras.

751
00:30:23,564 --> 00:30:24,314
Absolutely.

752
00:30:24,314 --> 00:30:28,634
And don't forget to check out our events
tab on that same website for details

753
00:30:28,634 --> 00:30:33,164
on the upcoming Beyond Monogamy events
like the upcoming Beyond Monogamy Meet

754
00:30:33,164 --> 00:30:38,444
and greet at Club Eden San Antonio this
Saturday, December 13th at 9:00 PM.

755
00:30:39,059 --> 00:30:44,159
Uh, for those of you who would like
to hang out with us and you're in the

756
00:30:44,159 --> 00:30:47,429
San Antonio area, are you planning
on being in the San Antonio area?

757
00:30:47,729 --> 00:30:49,049
Come on down and see us.

758
00:30:49,049 --> 00:30:49,919
We're gonna be there.

759
00:30:49,919 --> 00:30:52,829
We're gonna have accounts, we're gonna
be hanging out with a lot of people.

760
00:30:52,889 --> 00:30:56,549
Shout out to our friends, Nicole
and Isaac with the Pineapple

761
00:30:56,549 --> 00:30:58,409
House, Texas from Houston.

762
00:30:58,414 --> 00:31:01,109
We did a show with them and they
are actually going to be out there

763
00:31:01,109 --> 00:31:04,469
with us, celebrating with us, and
we have several other people coming.

764
00:31:04,469 --> 00:31:05,169
We're actually gonna be up.

765
00:31:05,639 --> 00:31:09,029
Shooting a show out there
before the club opens.

766
00:31:09,059 --> 00:31:09,359
Yes.

767
00:31:09,449 --> 00:31:10,739
Uh, so that's gonna be a lot of fun.

768
00:31:10,799 --> 00:31:14,249
Uh, so if you can make it, make it
because we're gonna be there, be there.

769
00:31:14,249 --> 00:31:14,969
Be Square.

770
00:31:14,999 --> 00:31:15,479
That's right.

771
00:31:15,659 --> 00:31:19,019
We're also streaming every
Thursday on full swap radio.com

772
00:31:19,019 --> 00:31:20,999
at 2:00 PM and 7:00 PM Central.

773
00:31:20,999 --> 00:31:23,189
So tune in and show us some love there.

774
00:31:23,309 --> 00:31:27,329
And if you wanna help us grow this
community, join our Patreon at.

775
00:31:27,749 --> 00:31:32,729
patreon.com/beyond
monogamy with Adam PRIs.

776
00:31:32,819 --> 00:31:34,979
That's where you'll get all the
early access behind the scene

777
00:31:34,979 --> 00:31:36,899
moments and after hours content.

778
00:31:37,289 --> 00:31:42,839
All right, so guys, we got a gift from
the Happy Swinger and I'm going to show

779
00:31:42,899 --> 00:31:46,079
everything that we, I'm not gonna be
able to show everything that we got, but

780
00:31:46,259 --> 00:31:48,839
this lamp right here, they made this.

781
00:31:49,149 --> 00:31:52,299
And they customized it to the
colors that we wanted, so it

782
00:31:52,299 --> 00:31:53,559
was a surprise for my boo bear.

783
00:31:53,799 --> 00:31:54,039
Very cool.

784
00:31:54,039 --> 00:31:57,129
It has an orange little top and the blue.

785
00:31:57,129 --> 00:32:01,719
It's blue down here, and it has a light
in there, but they also made us a dors.

786
00:32:02,084 --> 00:32:05,384
That we forgot to use at the
takeover, and they also make like

787
00:32:05,384 --> 00:32:06,704
key chains and stuff like that.

788
00:32:06,704 --> 00:32:10,814
But, uh, we're gonna share all their
information on our links and I'll also

789
00:32:10,814 --> 00:32:13,004
share it on all of our social medias.

790
00:32:13,004 --> 00:32:17,294
But if you want to order one of these
guys, let me tell you, it is so worth it.

791
00:32:17,354 --> 00:32:17,594
Yeah.

792
00:32:17,594 --> 00:32:19,964
You know the happy swinger on TikTok?

793
00:32:20,039 --> 00:32:20,259
Yes.

794
00:32:20,474 --> 00:32:22,004
Uh, that's where we linked up with them.

795
00:32:22,244 --> 00:32:22,934
The Happy Swinger.

796
00:32:22,934 --> 00:32:24,494
They're, they do amazing work.

797
00:32:24,494 --> 00:32:27,344
I follow them as well, and
I've seen a lot of their work.

798
00:32:27,664 --> 00:32:30,934
I am thrilled that we were able to
get the stuff that we get right.

799
00:32:30,934 --> 00:32:34,689
They sent us a whole package of really
cool stuff, A whole package they,

800
00:32:34,864 --> 00:32:36,904
they sent That's gonna sound funny.

801
00:32:37,384 --> 00:32:38,254
A dick whistle.

802
00:32:38,344 --> 00:32:39,904
Yes, they did.

803
00:32:39,904 --> 00:32:40,564
It's a penis

804
00:32:40,564 --> 00:32:44,024
whistle and uh, I. That
was, that was hilarious.

805
00:32:44,294 --> 00:32:47,174
Uh, but there was a lot of different
things that they sent us that

806
00:32:47,174 --> 00:32:49,004
they, they ma they create Yeah.

807
00:32:49,004 --> 00:32:49,724
Themselves.

808
00:32:49,964 --> 00:32:52,784
And, uh, you know, we, we definitely
wanted to give them a shout out

809
00:32:52,784 --> 00:32:54,824
because they do incredible work.

810
00:32:54,824 --> 00:32:56,384
I mean, like, this is incredible.

811
00:32:56,564 --> 00:32:57,494
This is incredible.

812
00:32:57,494 --> 00:33:00,134
Like the detail on this
thing is amazing, guys.

813
00:33:00,134 --> 00:33:00,144
Yeah.

814
00:33:00,144 --> 00:33:00,179
Like,

815
00:33:00,704 --> 00:33:00,974
yeah.

816
00:33:00,974 --> 00:33:01,784
Absolutely.

817
00:33:01,994 --> 00:33:05,174
So to our friends, the happy swingers.

818
00:33:05,624 --> 00:33:06,769
We want to say thank you.

819
00:33:06,769 --> 00:33:06,914
Thank you.

820
00:33:07,064 --> 00:33:09,524
I want to say thank you because
I know my love is the one

821
00:33:09,524 --> 00:33:11,234
that that was setting this up.

822
00:33:11,504 --> 00:33:13,874
I personally would like to
say thank you to you guys.

823
00:33:13,904 --> 00:33:18,914
We really appreciate all the love and
support just on the podcast end of it.

824
00:33:18,914 --> 00:33:22,574
I know that you guys share a lot of our
clips and things like that, but also

825
00:33:22,574 --> 00:33:24,614
for this, this, I mean, I love this.

826
00:33:24,619 --> 00:33:24,689
Mm-hmm.

827
00:33:24,774 --> 00:33:28,604
I think this is a great addition
to our set, so thank you.

828
00:33:28,669 --> 00:33:32,809
To the Happy Swinger and I, I'm
just gonna throw this out there for

829
00:33:32,869 --> 00:33:36,859
everybody who's in this lifestyle world.

830
00:33:36,919 --> 00:33:42,919
If you create, if you make things that
are specific to this lifestyle, I want

831
00:33:42,919 --> 00:33:48,889
you to contact us and if you can send
what you can and we will focus it.

832
00:33:49,069 --> 00:33:50,749
On the show, we'll have it on the show.

833
00:33:50,749 --> 00:33:55,159
We, we love to show off what our community
members can do because we believe in

834
00:33:55,159 --> 00:33:56,779
this community, we love this community.

835
00:33:56,784 --> 00:33:56,864
Mm-hmm.

836
00:33:56,899 --> 00:33:56,989
Mm-hmm.

837
00:33:57,049 --> 00:34:00,979
And we love to share everything
that we can with everybody.

838
00:34:01,429 --> 00:34:03,079
So shout out to the happy swinger.

839
00:34:03,079 --> 00:34:04,639
Thank you so much for that.

840
00:34:04,699 --> 00:34:06,109
We appreciate you that.

841
00:34:06,199 --> 00:34:09,379
Thank you for listening and we
will see you guys next week.

842
00:34:09,619 --> 00:34:09,889
Bye.