Non-Monogamy & The Law: Protecting Families, Custody, and Relationships with Attorney Jonathan Lane

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Why This Conversation Matters

If you’ve ever worried about child custody, divorce, or job security as someone in the lifestyle, swinging, or polyamory, this is the episode you can’t afford to skip.

We sat down with Jonathan Lane, a Maryland/DC family law attorney who not only gets non-monogamy but actually lives it. Jonathan is polyamorous himself and has built a legal practice representing poly, ENM, and non-traditional families in court.

From custody battles to wills and medical directives, Jonathan explains exactly where the law stands today and how non-monogamous folks can protect themselves and their families.

Key Takeaways from the Episode

⚖️ Custody & Courts

• Judges have massive discretion under the “best interest of the child” standard.

• Outcomes can depend heavily on your county. Urban/blue-leaning courts tend to be more accepting, while rural/conservative counties can still pose risks.

• Jonathan has represented clients in custody trials where polyamory was raised—and won, because the judges found it irrelevant to parenting.

👩‍👩‍👧 De Facto Parent Status

• Not a biological or adoptive parent? You may still qualify as a de facto parent in some states.

• This status gives you equal footing in custody disputes, but the bar is very high and often requires years of parenting involvement.

• Laws differ state by state—Maryland, for example, requires consent from both biological parents, which complicates many cases.

💔 Divorce & Written Agreements

• Swinging, ENM, and poly relationships often blur the lines of “cheating” in court.

• Even casual text messages confirming consent (“Yes, we agree this is okay”) can serve as valuable evidence in divorce disputes.

• Memories fade, but screenshots don’t—Jonathan recommends documenting agreements early.

🏡 Property, Inheritance & Wills

• Throuples and quads can own property together, but not all lenders or agents understand how to handle it.

• Having a will is crucial for ENM families—otherwise, assets automatically pass to legal spouses, children, or blood relatives.

• Retirement accounts and medical decisions often bypass wills, so make sure your beneficiaries, power of attorney, and healthcare directives are up-to-date.

👨‍⚖️ Employment Discrimination

• In most states, jobs are at-will, meaning you can be fired for being in a non-monogamous relationship.

• Only a handful of progressive cities (like Cambridge and Somerville, MA, or Berkeley and Oakland, CA) currently have ENM protections.

• For government jobs and security clearances, honesty is often safer than secrecy, since blackmail is a bigger risk than being openly ENM.

The Bigger Picture

The conversation with Jonathan shows that while laws haven’t caught up yet, culture is shifting fast. More people know what ethical non-monogamy is, and acceptance is growing.

But until federal or state protections are in place, it’s up to each of us to:

1. Document agreements with partners.

2. Create wills and directives for inheritance and medical care.

3. Stay informed about custody risks and legal precedents in our states.

Listen to the Full Episode

🎧 Episode: Non-Monogamy & The Law with Attorney Jonathan Lane
Hear the full conversation on:

• Apple Podcasts

• Spotify

• YouTube: Beyond Monogamy with Adam & Pris

• Or stream every Thursday on FullSwapRadio.com

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Final Thoughts

Whether you’re swinging, polyamorous, or just exploring, the law doesn’t always play fair with non-traditional families. But knowledge is power. Jonathan Lane shows us that with preparation, documentation, and awareness, we can protect our relationships and families against legal risks.