Oct. 19, 2025
This Kind of Girl: UK Writer Rosie Kay on Non-Monogamy, Bisexuality & Breaking Lifestyle Stereotypes
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This Kind of Girl: UK Writer Rosie Kay on Non-Monogamy, Bisexuality & Breaking Lifestyle Stereotypes
Ethical Non-Monogamy Bisexuality Confidence & Consent Lifestyle Culture
Episode Summary
In this bold and beautifully honest episode of Beyond Monogamy with Adam & Pris, we head across the pond to chat with UK writer, educator, and ethical non-monogamy coach Rosie Kay, the voice behind thiskindagirl.co.uk.
Rosie pulls back the curtain on what it really means to live ethically non-monogamous in today’s world—far beyond the clichés of “swingers in suburbia.” From discovering her bisexuality in her teens to finding freedom (and a few fears) in London’s clubs, Rosie shares how she turned curiosity, courage, and COVID downtime into one of the UK’s most refreshingly honest lifestyle blogs.
Together, we dive into bisexuality without shame, breaking stereotypes, emotional honesty and the art of giving consent even when you’re not directly involved, plus the cultural contrasts between the UK and US lifestyle scenes. This one’s for anyone navigating open relationships or the messy-beautiful reality of non-monogamy in 2025 and beyond.
Show Notes
Guest: Rosie Kay — thiskindagirl.co.uk
Key Topics Covered
- Rosie’s personal journey into non-monogamy & bisexuality
- How This Kind of Girl started during COVID lockdown
- UK vs. US lifestyle culture—what’s changing and what’s the same
- The emotional side: jealousy, consent, self-awareness, and confidence
- Breaking stereotypes: who actually participates in the lifestyle
- Inclusivity, women’s empowerment, and moving beyond shame
Best Quote
“Once you realize that other women aren’t your competition, you’ll have a much better life—not just a better sex life.” — Rosie Kay
Follow Rosie
- Website: thiskindagirl.co.uk
Connect with Beyond Monogamy with Adam & Pris
- Website & blog: www.beyond-monogamy.com
- Stream us on Full Swap Radio every Thursday at 1 PM & 6 PM CST: fullswapradio.com
- Find us on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, X, YouTube, and Reddit: @BeyondMonogamy
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Hello and welcome to Beyond Monogamy.
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I'm Adam.
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And I'm Pris.
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And today we've got someone truly special
joining us all the way from the uk.
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She's a writer, educator, and advocate for
ethical non-monogamy, open relationships,
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and living life on your own terms.
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We're talking to the amazing Rosie K,
the voice behind thiskindofgirl.co.uk,
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one of the UK's most honest
and empowering lifestyle blogs.
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Rosie writes about everything from open
love to sex, positivity, confidence
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and personal growth, all through the
witty, smart, and very British lens.
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We adore.
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That's right.
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We've been following Rosie's work
for a while now, and we love how she
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talks about non-monogamy, not as a
trend, but as real human experiences.
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Messy, beautiful, emotional,
and freeing all at once.
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So grab your tea or your favorite
toy, no judgment, because this
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is going to be a thoughtful,
sexy, and inspiring conversation.
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That's right.
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So welcome to the show, Rosie.
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We appreciate you coming.
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Thank you very much for having me.
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Um, I didn't realize that my
writing had such a British spin
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on it, but I suppose it does.
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It
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does.
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Well, you know, just a little, just
a little bit, just a little bit.
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When we're when we're not over
there, that's all we know, but
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you know, we, we, uh, we have
been following you for some time.
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We love what you you know, what
we've seen in, uh, all of the clips.
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We've read some of your blog.
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You're, I, we really are.
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Thank you, uh, kind of, kind of fanning
out here 'cause it's, it's really
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cool that you were able to join us
and technology has let this happen.
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You didn't even have to fly over here.
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So we appreciate that.
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Now, you know, I, before we get started
with all of this, I just, if we could
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get the cribs notes on, just how you
came to be you know, non-monogamous
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and how you came to reach this point.
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Okay.
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So I've always believed I've
always been a bisexual woman.
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Um, when, when I was a teenager
I had gay friends, both male and
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female, and I, I felt very kind
of comfortable within that kind of
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like, alternative space, if you like.
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Yeah.
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Um, and I kind of realized
that I was bisexual.
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Maybe I was like 16 or 17.
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And so it's something which
has always been part of me.
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And then when I started to get into
relationships when I was older, it
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was something which she was always, I
didn't want to have to choose between
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a monogamous relationship with a
man or getting to be with a woman.
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I didn't wanna cheat on a
partner, but I didn't know how
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to kind of like express it.
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So it just kinda like sat with me.
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And then in my early twenties, I was
in a relationship with a man and I
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said to him, look, I'm bisexual and.
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But I don't wanna cheat on you, but
I don't know what I can do with this.
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Like, how, how can I be me?
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But also have you, um,
he was older than me.
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He was very, um, very much more
sexually experienced than me.
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Uh, I just moved to London at
the, at this time, so I was like,
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you know, in, in this big city.
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And he suggested, you know, having a
threesome, going to a swingers club.
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It was something he'd done before and
I kind of like that seemed to fit,
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but I. Although this did provide an
answer, I was absolutely terrified.
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The thought of going to a swingers club.
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And I remember I sat there on the
bed as so many of us have gone and
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went, I'm never go to a swinging club.
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I'd be far too jealous I could
never see with another woman.
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Yeah.
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You know?
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But at the same time, I had this
desire in me to explore with women,
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to to, to form my own kind, like
explore my sexuality and, and see
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what that could be like for me.
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So, although I would say I was
70% terrified, I was also the
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remaining percent was curious.
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So that's how I kind of like came
to my ethical non monomy journey.
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Kind of like started, um.
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And it is just kinda
like grown from there.
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And I've, since then I've had
the pleasure of being in many, a
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different type of relationship.
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I have been in open relationships where
it wasn't open for me, it was open
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for my partner and he was a bisexual
guy, so he would go off and meet with
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couples and Gaia like guys and stuff.
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Yeah.
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And I gave my consent.
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I've been in relationships with women.
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I've been in subdominant relationships
where I've been the dominant woman.
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Yeah, it, I've been in polyamorous
relationships just because I
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wanted to see what it was like.
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So I've had a little
taste of all these types.
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You've had a relationship buffet.
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I like that.
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Yeah.
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I have, I have.
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Um, and it's been great and like
I've also been a single woman in the
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lifestyle because again, that's a
completely different experience to
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to, to being, you know, in a couple.
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So yeah, I feel very lucky about
all these experiences I've had and.
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Mean, there's a lot of stigma
attached to women who've had lots
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of relationships or lots of casual
sex, but it's taught me so much.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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And really opened my eyes.
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Yeah, that's Bring it
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that's the fun part.
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That's the fun part.
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Right?
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That's the fun part.
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We got into the lifestyle for
the same kind of same reasons.
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I'm bisexual and so I was never,
um, in my culture, Latinas
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we're not, my parents raised me.
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You don't date your same gender.
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Mm-hmm.
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And it's not something that, you
know, it's very religious driven,
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old school mentality
of thinking mentality.
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So I kept that in for many years.
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Got married to men.
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This is my third marriage.
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Um, and he,
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this one's gonna stick, this one's
gonna stick, this one's gonna work.
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You know?
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And so yeah, the lifestyle
was letting me expand that and
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actually embrace my bisexuality.
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And I think that's the one fun
part that I love and that I
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can connect with you on that.
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Like, that's exactly what's the fun part?
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We did poly, but we
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know we did poly for five years
and that's kind of where we
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our thinking kind of changes.
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I am, uh, more poly oriented.
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I, I like the relationship aspect,
the connection in, in that.
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Obviously I love every sexual aspect
of it, but, uh, that's a given for me.
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Mm-hmm.
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But.
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I also really like the
relationship portion of it.
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Mm-hmm.
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And that's where Pris really
struggled was being able to kind
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of let go and say, okay, it's okay.
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Uh, yeah.
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That, that we do things separate from
each other and that sort of thing.
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So, and, but she's come
a long way as well.
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And, and she's always learning new.
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We're all learning new things
really through our experiences.
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So it's a lot of fun.
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But this isn't about us.
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Stop talking about us.
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Stop it.
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Rosie, I, I, I'm gonna, I'm
gonna just dive right in.
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Can you tell us about thiskindofgirl?
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Uh, what made you start writing so openly
about non-monogamy and relationships?
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Yeah.
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Okay, so, first of all, the name,
thiskindofgirl, it came about
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because I when we had COVID and it
was the first like, wave of COVID
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and everything was locked down.
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My job at the time, my, my regular job, I
worked in hospitality and we, you know, we
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couldn't work from home because everything
was shut down, all the restaurants.
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So I was at home and I was, doing
the online dating and kind of
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like, because I was reason recently
single at that, that point.
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And I was like, what am I gonna do?
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I'm gonna look online.
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And I remember talking to somebody
and I was trying to describe the
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type of woman that I am, that I
was bisexual, that I was a bit of a
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free spirit, not your average woman.
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And I said, I was that kind of girl.
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And that's kind of like stuck
that, that phrase stuck in my mind.
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I dunno what happened to the conversation.
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Probably lost interest, but, you
know, that stuck in my mind and.
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When I, I've been thinking about wanting
to share my experience because I'd had
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all these experiences of, of being at the
Swinger Clubs in London and it's very much
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a kind of like an international crowd.
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'cause you get so many people there,
tourists on holidays and couples and
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it's, you can be anyone you want to
be, have sex with anyone you want
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to, you know, that's, for me, that's
the beauty of, of such a big city.
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And I'd had all these experiences,
I'd not been able to talk to
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any of my friends about it.
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And it was all like bubbling away inside
me and I wanted an outlet for that.
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And also I thought back to when I first
started in the lifestyle, I was in
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my early twenties, I was very young.
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There was no help online.
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These are days before influencers, before
social media got message, there was a
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blog I found written from a US based
couple who were probably in their fifties.
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You know, I couldn't
relate to those people.
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I didn't understand the
language, the terminology.
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They didn't look like me.
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They didn't sound like me.
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And I thought, you know what?
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I have got such a story to
tell, and I didn't want anybody
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else struggling like I did.
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And I thought there must be
other young women out there
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who are curious about this.
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So I just, that's how it started.
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And I just sat at my kitchen
table during COVID and I just
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started writing and I realized it
felt so cathartic to get it out.
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And I was like, I loved it.
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I loved how handed I could be,
and finally I could just share all
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these things that had happened.
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Yeah.
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And that, that's how it started.
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And it's just like slowly
grown from there really.
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Yeah.
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So COVID was the aha moment.
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Yeah.
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And, and it was for a
lot, for a lot of people.
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Um, yeah, I think so.
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Yeah.
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Um, how has the UK community responded
compared to what you see globally?
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To be honest the UK community have
the UK community don't realize how
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lucky they are, I believe because we
live on a tiny island and if you wanna
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drive somewhere, like maybe it's two
or three hours is far for people here.
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And there are swinger
clubs in most major towns.
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And there's a pretty, for me,
there's a pretty, you know, major
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cities, you're gonna find a swing
club, you're gonna find people.
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There's a lot going on, I believe,
compared to other countries.
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Um, you don't have to get on a
plane and fly to a different state.
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Um, so I believe people
have got it pretty good.
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And also I think because people.
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In the uk we have a luxury where we can
be pretty much whoever we want to be.
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We don't have as many religious
constraints as what other countries
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do, as other communities do.
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00:10:20,925 --> 00:10:23,625
So I believe we're on a
pretty juicy position.
221
00:10:23,655 --> 00:10:28,515
You know, we can go, we can be a
50-year-old man and go down the
222
00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:30,075
street in stockings and suspenders.
223
00:10:30,075 --> 00:10:33,405
I've seen this myself, you know, in
London at two o'clock in the afternoon.
224
00:10:33,555 --> 00:10:36,165
And you can do that around
soho and nobody cares.
225
00:10:36,165 --> 00:10:37,070
Yeah, nobody cares.
226
00:10:37,365 --> 00:10:41,115
You know, you may get a few looks,
but essentially it offers you the, you
227
00:10:41,115 --> 00:10:42,345
know, the freedom you don't wanna get.
228
00:10:42,825 --> 00:10:48,645
You may get politely reprimanded by a
police officer, but essentially what I'm
229
00:10:48,645 --> 00:10:50,295
saying is you can be who you want to be.
230
00:10:50,295 --> 00:10:50,355
Yeah.
231
00:10:50,385 --> 00:10:54,595
And that is the beauty of,
of I think living in the uk.
232
00:10:55,015 --> 00:10:58,980
But I think the sets of problems
that people have if you like, or
233
00:10:58,980 --> 00:11:01,650
the obstacles are so different.
234
00:11:01,830 --> 00:11:01,890
Yeah.
235
00:11:02,070 --> 00:11:05,850
But I have been pretty, pretty well
received, I would say, but also
236
00:11:05,850 --> 00:11:12,570
there's like quite a big sudden
like, uh, emergence of polyamorous
237
00:11:12,570 --> 00:11:16,860
relationships in the media over here in
TV shows, in newspapers, in magazines.
238
00:11:17,070 --> 00:11:20,730
People are suddenly realizing that
there's a whole load of people out
239
00:11:20,730 --> 00:11:24,360
there who are potentially their
next door neighbors who are into
240
00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:26,070
this, who are living alternatively.
241
00:11:26,070 --> 00:11:28,050
So it's not as taboo as it used to be.
242
00:11:28,140 --> 00:11:28,395
Yeah.
243
00:11:28,395 --> 00:11:29,910
It's become mainstream, really.
244
00:11:29,910 --> 00:11:33,450
And I think definitely, I think
the, uh, the pandemic lockdown
245
00:11:33,450 --> 00:11:34,500
had a lot to do with that.
246
00:11:34,500 --> 00:11:38,490
It seems like everybody was home,
everybody was bored and they were
247
00:11:38,490 --> 00:11:42,270
searching for new things online
and they started seeing things and
248
00:11:42,270 --> 00:11:44,370
went, oh, let's give this a shot.
249
00:11:44,700 --> 00:11:44,760
Yeah.
250
00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:47,490
I think a lot of the people
that we talked to have.
251
00:11:48,075 --> 00:11:51,195
They started during the pandemic,
or right after the pandemic.
252
00:11:51,195 --> 00:11:51,285
Yeah.
253
00:11:51,315 --> 00:11:52,125
Which is interesting.
254
00:11:52,515 --> 00:11:56,475
Now, you know what I love about this is
that, you know, we've talked to a lot of
255
00:11:56,475 --> 00:12:02,785
people in our state, in, in our country
but I have personally wondered about
256
00:12:02,785 --> 00:12:06,105
other countries and stereotypes, Rosie.
257
00:12:06,105 --> 00:12:06,195
Mm-hmm.
258
00:12:06,435 --> 00:12:08,020
Let's talk stereotypes because mm-hmm.
259
00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:10,485
Uh, you know, we deal with them here.
260
00:12:10,485 --> 00:12:13,275
And I'm just curious, you know,
you've written beautifully about the
261
00:12:13,275 --> 00:12:16,065
misconceptions around open relationships.
262
00:12:16,095 --> 00:12:16,185
Mm-hmm.
263
00:12:16,425 --> 00:12:19,515
What are the biggest myths
you still hear all the time?
264
00:12:20,940 --> 00:12:25,170
That swinging is for
middleclass couples in suburbia.
265
00:12:25,560 --> 00:12:30,360
That swinging is something you do when you
are, you know, you've been married for 20,
266
00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:32,370
30 years and you are bored of each other.
267
00:12:32,730 --> 00:12:38,040
Or swinging is something that, I don't
know whether you have it in the States,
268
00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:42,690
but like, there's certain symbols people
have like pamper grass outside the house
269
00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:45,240
or like upside down Pineapples in windows.
270
00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:45,300
Yeah.
271
00:12:45,330 --> 00:12:50,370
Or certain, certain, like gone garden
ornaments or certain decorations or drives
272
00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:55,290
a certain type of car or, and people kind
of associate it with like this, almost
273
00:12:55,290 --> 00:13:00,540
like cigar smoking 1980s medallion.
274
00:13:00,715 --> 00:13:01,380
But, but they do.
275
00:13:01,380 --> 00:13:04,440
And I've heard people say, oh, that's
something those types of people do, you
276
00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:06,810
know, like wife swapping keys in bowls.
277
00:13:06,845 --> 00:13:07,135
Yeah.
278
00:13:07,135 --> 00:13:08,975
Leisure suit, Larry kind of Yeah.
279
00:13:08,975 --> 00:13:10,015
Scuzzy you know.
280
00:13:10,015 --> 00:13:10,295
Yeah.
281
00:13:10,500 --> 00:13:10,740
Yeah.
282
00:13:10,740 --> 00:13:16,170
And, and uh, that, that's what people
kind of associate with the word swinger.
283
00:13:16,530 --> 00:13:20,700
And it's hard for people to kinda like,
understand that you can be a swinger,
284
00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:27,400
but you can also be a, mid twenties
single professional who enjoys going
285
00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:29,050
to clubs, who enjoys meeting people.
286
00:13:29,055 --> 00:13:32,110
But it's also, you know, dating
ethically, non-monogamous and,
287
00:13:32,110 --> 00:13:34,120
and doing all the things you
don't have to fit into that mold.
288
00:13:34,510 --> 00:13:34,750
Yeah.
289
00:13:34,750 --> 00:13:35,440
So that's.
290
00:13:36,085 --> 00:13:39,565
I would say that is the main kind of
like stereotype that it's for older,
291
00:13:39,625 --> 00:13:44,875
disgruntled, dissatisfied, middle
class, well wealthy as well as well.
292
00:13:44,875 --> 00:13:48,145
And, and also I, I don't know whether
you guys have touched on this, but like
293
00:13:48,145 --> 00:13:50,035
people associate it with old white people.
294
00:13:50,665 --> 00:13:51,175
Yes.
295
00:13:51,355 --> 00:13:51,805
It's been,
296
00:13:52,675 --> 00:13:53,875
it's been de it's been mentioned before.
297
00:13:53,925 --> 00:13:54,165
Yeah.
298
00:13:54,255 --> 00:13:59,865
And, and, and it is, and that's usually
what where we actually found ourselves
299
00:13:59,865 --> 00:14:06,345
is when we were first starting, it was
a lot of older, rich, white people.
300
00:14:06,855 --> 00:14:10,925
Um, and now the culture has
definitely changed from then to now.
301
00:14:10,985 --> 00:14:11,435
It has.
302
00:14:11,465 --> 00:14:15,485
And we've, we've even done episodes on,
on how expensive the lifestyle can be.
303
00:14:15,725 --> 00:14:16,055
Oh yeah.
304
00:14:16,085 --> 00:14:18,275
And you know, you really
have to ask yourself.
305
00:14:19,355 --> 00:14:24,185
If it's a, you know, obviously
you don't need money to enjoy
306
00:14:24,525 --> 00:14:28,365
non-monogamy and you don't need money
to enjoy swinging, but it helps.
307
00:14:28,425 --> 00:14:28,695
It does.
308
00:14:28,695 --> 00:14:28,845
Yes.
309
00:14:30,130 --> 00:14:30,420
Yeah.
310
00:14:30,420 --> 00:14:33,645
I guess now talking about that,
do you think the culture and the
311
00:14:33,645 --> 00:14:37,215
media that, that they've shaped
the narrative around polyamory and
312
00:14:37,215 --> 00:14:39,465
swinging because of all of this?
313
00:14:39,465 --> 00:14:41,415
Like, you know, how we
always stereotype it.
314
00:14:41,925 --> 00:14:43,815
Do you think like social
media has helped that?
315
00:14:44,805 --> 00:14:47,205
Um, I think it's helping change views.
316
00:14:47,305 --> 00:14:52,805
I think now because with the rise of the
influencer although I, I don't view my,
317
00:14:52,865 --> 00:14:54,455
I don't class myself as an influencer.
318
00:14:54,455 --> 00:14:56,255
I probably am, but I never set out to be.
319
00:14:56,585 --> 00:14:57,305
But there's certainly,
320
00:14:57,305 --> 00:14:58,565
you're totally an influencer.
321
00:15:00,545 --> 00:15:04,525
There are polyamory influencers and,
and different couples and people who
322
00:15:04,525 --> 00:15:10,435
I've met and met who have gone on,
you know, with within the lifestyle.
323
00:15:10,435 --> 00:15:11,635
I'm like, oh yeah, you do that.
324
00:15:12,115 --> 00:15:16,135
So they're kind of like changing the
narrative and showing people that it's
325
00:15:16,135 --> 00:15:21,895
younger people, it's people with kids,
it's people who have, regular kind of
326
00:15:21,895 --> 00:15:23,935
nine to five jobs who also do this.
327
00:15:23,935 --> 00:15:25,315
They're very happily married.
328
00:15:25,645 --> 00:15:29,215
And I think it's kind of like it narrative
is changing, especially with shows.
329
00:15:29,405 --> 00:15:33,905
There's been a show on channel four,
open House, great sex experiment,
330
00:15:33,905 --> 00:15:35,765
which I have my own views on.
331
00:15:35,985 --> 00:15:39,735
But again, a lot of people from
who, who were part of that were
332
00:15:39,945 --> 00:15:44,775
kind of 40 and under, which is still
class as young in, in lifestyle.
333
00:15:45,105 --> 00:15:47,475
But I think, you know, views are changing.
334
00:15:47,835 --> 00:15:48,585
Just slowly.
335
00:15:49,065 --> 00:15:50,055
Yeah, for sure.
336
00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:50,655
It's coming.
337
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:51,330
It's coming.
338
00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:52,050
It's happening.
339
00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:52,970
Yeah, it's coming.
340
00:15:53,355 --> 00:15:57,885
Have you noticed differences between how
men and women are judged for non-monogamy?
341
00:15:59,805 --> 00:16:00,795
Absolutely.
342
00:16:01,335 --> 00:16:03,855
But also I think these days.
343
00:16:05,205 --> 00:16:09,585
Men don't, you don't
hear it as much anymore.
344
00:16:09,585 --> 00:16:14,205
Like, the single go get a women, like
how I have been the single sexually
345
00:16:14,205 --> 00:16:17,985
liberated go getting woman who is
say, you know, she will do whatever
346
00:16:17,985 --> 00:16:21,015
she wants to do on her terms with
whoever she wants to do it with.
347
00:16:21,015 --> 00:16:26,355
And I haven't faced as much negativity
for that as maybe I would've done
348
00:16:26,355 --> 00:16:28,305
10 years ago or 15 years ago.
349
00:16:28,605 --> 00:16:31,425
Maybe that's also because I
remove myself from an environment
350
00:16:31,425 --> 00:16:33,135
where I would face negativity.
351
00:16:33,135 --> 00:16:36,285
Mm. If you surround yourself with
people who are gonna cheer you on in
352
00:16:36,285 --> 00:16:39,885
an environment which cheers you on,
then you're probably not gonna get it.
353
00:16:40,195 --> 00:16:45,205
But yeah, you know, there is al you
know, people are always gonna be negative
354
00:16:45,205 --> 00:16:51,115
about how single men and single women
enjoy the lifestyle, not involved.
355
00:16:51,535 --> 00:16:56,995
One thing I see time and time again
is single guys are, I think, unfairly
356
00:16:56,995 --> 00:17:01,525
stigmatized when they wanna enjoy the
lifestyle or, you know, go to a swingers
357
00:17:01,525 --> 00:17:03,385
club and they get labeled straight away.
358
00:17:03,385 --> 00:17:06,445
Or maybe they're going on a date
with somebody and they share that
359
00:17:06,445 --> 00:17:07,735
they've been to a swingers club.
360
00:17:07,735 --> 00:17:12,030
They're immediately tarnished
with this brush of, of being this
361
00:17:12,030 --> 00:17:14,100
like, disgusting sex obsessed,
362
00:17:15,150 --> 00:17:15,480
yeah.
363
00:17:15,705 --> 00:17:16,950
And, and that, that's not fair.
364
00:17:16,950 --> 00:17:21,600
So I think both sexes do experience
it, but I think there's not as much.
365
00:17:21,900 --> 00:17:25,050
Well, I hope there's not as
much negativity directed at,
366
00:17:25,050 --> 00:17:26,520
at, at single women anymore.
367
00:17:27,360 --> 00:17:27,810
Yeah.
368
00:17:27,815 --> 00:17:31,200
I think, I mean, yeah, we have a lot
of single women friends and they,
369
00:17:31,290 --> 00:17:33,450
I think they're more lusted
after than anything else.
370
00:17:33,450 --> 00:17:34,465
They think they're more lusted after.
371
00:17:34,465 --> 00:17:34,475
Yeah.
372
00:17:35,050 --> 00:17:37,270
And it's, we try to keep.
373
00:17:38,295 --> 00:17:40,365
We, whenever we go out with
them, we try to keep them safe
374
00:17:40,365 --> 00:17:44,055
and whatever, but it is, it is a
stigma sometimes I think, for both.
375
00:17:44,205 --> 00:17:44,565
Both.
376
00:17:44,565 --> 00:17:46,410
Especially the men, the single men.
377
00:17:46,410 --> 00:17:46,420
Yeah.
378
00:17:46,485 --> 00:17:48,865
They do get pointed out sometimes.
379
00:17:49,345 --> 00:17:50,060
Yeah, definitely.
380
00:17:50,530 --> 00:17:50,820
Yeah.
381
00:17:50,935 --> 00:17:51,985
It's just that little world.
382
00:17:52,225 --> 00:17:53,335
It is unfortunate.
383
00:17:53,515 --> 00:17:54,565
It is unfortunate.
384
00:17:56,005 --> 00:17:59,815
Now, you talk a lot about self-awareness
and emotional honesty in your blog.
385
00:17:59,815 --> 00:18:00,415
What's, mm-hmm.
386
00:18:00,655 --> 00:18:05,005
The biggest lesson that you've learned
about yourself through this lifestyle?
387
00:18:05,605 --> 00:18:11,965
I think it was having the ability or
the capacity to give my consent without
388
00:18:11,965 --> 00:18:13,705
needing to be actively involved.
389
00:18:14,335 --> 00:18:17,845
This was huge for me because up until,
and this wasn't that long ago, it was
390
00:18:17,845 --> 00:18:22,795
only a few years ago, up until that point,
I'd always been in relationships where
391
00:18:22,795 --> 00:18:24,565
we would go to a swingers club together.
392
00:18:24,565 --> 00:18:28,315
We'd meet a a, a woman together,
we'd meet a guy together, everything
393
00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:31,795
was done within the same room, and
I was absolutely fine with that.
394
00:18:31,795 --> 00:18:36,385
I would do whatever with
who, you know, and I was very
395
00:18:36,385 --> 00:18:38,305
open-minded, whatever scenario.
396
00:18:38,575 --> 00:18:41,395
But then when my partner at the
time turned around to me and
397
00:18:41,395 --> 00:18:43,645
said, look, yes, we're swingers.
398
00:18:44,095 --> 00:18:50,035
Yes, you are my dominant, but
I also want to be in an open
399
00:18:50,035 --> 00:18:54,835
relationship where I go and meet
with gay couples and other couples.
400
00:18:56,035 --> 00:19:01,430
And I knew there wasn't a part, there
wasn't a role for me in that, you know.
401
00:19:02,755 --> 00:19:05,725
It was really hard, and I had
to, I was absolutely terrified.
402
00:19:05,725 --> 00:19:09,685
I felt like I'd gone back 10 years, you
know, back to where I was, and I was,
403
00:19:09,685 --> 00:19:14,335
again, that woman sat on the bed going, I
don't know if I can allow this to happen.
404
00:19:14,335 --> 00:19:17,635
I dunno if I can give my co I
don't know if this is right.
405
00:19:17,635 --> 00:19:17,905
You know?
406
00:19:17,905 --> 00:19:20,215
And I had to, I was shit scared, you know?
407
00:19:20,215 --> 00:19:24,175
I was terrified again,
and I felt like a fraud.
408
00:19:24,175 --> 00:19:25,795
I felt like, yeah, but you're Rosie kay.
409
00:19:25,795 --> 00:19:27,445
You teach me plus to do
this, you should know.
410
00:19:27,445 --> 00:19:28,975
You should be better, you know?
411
00:19:28,975 --> 00:19:34,980
And I beat myself up about it for, you
know, a week or so, and I, I struggled.
412
00:19:35,310 --> 00:19:37,680
And then I came to him and I
said, look, I'm really, really
413
00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:40,980
frightened of what could happen
because I'm scared of losing you.
414
00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:45,030
I'm scared of not being good enough
for you, of you finding something.
415
00:19:46,005 --> 00:19:49,335
These are the people that I can't
give you, but I love you and I
416
00:19:49,335 --> 00:19:54,225
love the fact that we have this
bizarre at times relationship.
417
00:19:54,255 --> 00:19:56,085
'cause he was also like
20 years older than me.
418
00:19:56,085 --> 00:19:57,615
So it was a lot going on there.
419
00:19:58,205 --> 00:19:58,625
Yeah.
420
00:19:59,075 --> 00:20:01,145
Uh, but I loved it
'cause it was so bizarre.
421
00:20:01,475 --> 00:20:05,885
And I loved that he could be himself
around me and he'd come to me and gone,
422
00:20:05,885 --> 00:20:07,235
look, I really wanna experience this.
423
00:20:07,235 --> 00:20:09,635
So I said, okay we don't know till we try.
424
00:20:10,325 --> 00:20:13,595
So he went off 'cause
he was very bisexual.
425
00:20:13,955 --> 00:20:17,375
He went off to go and do his
thing with his friends, et cetera.
426
00:20:18,605 --> 00:20:22,865
And for the first hour or so,
I was absolutely terrified.
427
00:20:22,865 --> 00:20:24,065
I was like anxious.
428
00:20:24,065 --> 00:20:26,165
I was checking my phone.
429
00:20:26,165 --> 00:20:26,945
I couldn't relax.
430
00:20:26,945 --> 00:20:29,945
But then I kind of like got
into it and I was like, okay.
431
00:20:29,945 --> 00:20:31,175
He'll come home to me.
432
00:20:31,715 --> 00:20:32,285
Oh well.
433
00:20:32,345 --> 00:20:36,155
And when he came through the
door, he was so ecstatic.
434
00:20:36,785 --> 00:20:39,455
Because he'd gone and had this
experience that was completely
435
00:20:39,455 --> 00:20:41,735
separate to me, which was indulgent.
436
00:20:42,755 --> 00:20:48,665
And he'd come home and I was there to
like, support him and, and listen to it.
437
00:20:48,725 --> 00:20:52,565
And it didn't actually affect us at all.
438
00:20:52,565 --> 00:20:54,755
It just made us even stronger.
439
00:20:54,815 --> 00:20:57,485
And yeah, it was brilliant.
440
00:20:57,485 --> 00:21:00,695
And I was like, oh my
God, how is this possible?
441
00:21:01,115 --> 00:21:01,955
But it was brilliant.
442
00:21:02,145 --> 00:21:06,795
And also I realized that one of the main
things, I'm gonna be very blunt, one of
443
00:21:06,795 --> 00:21:10,455
the main things that he got from that,
which I obviously don't have, is a cock.
444
00:21:10,665 --> 00:21:13,065
Like, so I can't compete with that.
445
00:21:13,365 --> 00:21:15,315
That's a physical thing that he wants.
446
00:21:15,315 --> 00:21:18,315
It's a physical act that
they're not my competition.
447
00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:19,430
Right.
448
00:21:19,435 --> 00:21:19,695
Right.
449
00:21:19,995 --> 00:21:22,275
Like that's separate to me.
450
00:21:22,305 --> 00:21:25,695
And even when he went to play
with the couples, like the
451
00:21:25,695 --> 00:21:26,730
male female couples mm-hmm.
452
00:21:26,895 --> 00:21:30,160
Like again, they've got
their own thing going on.
453
00:21:31,095 --> 00:21:32,655
They're not in competition with me.
454
00:21:32,925 --> 00:21:34,305
I don't have to compete with them.
455
00:21:34,635 --> 00:21:35,715
Go and do your thing.
456
00:21:36,495 --> 00:21:37,335
And it was scary.
457
00:21:37,335 --> 00:21:42,375
But that was probably the biggest
eyeopener for me because I've then gone
458
00:21:42,375 --> 00:21:46,185
on to teach other couples how to do it.
459
00:21:46,875 --> 00:21:47,175
Yeah.
460
00:21:47,175 --> 00:21:47,265
Like
461
00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:48,675
how, how you can, yeah.
462
00:21:48,735 --> 00:21:49,005
You know,
463
00:21:49,335 --> 00:21:51,135
how you can navigate that through that.
464
00:21:51,195 --> 00:21:51,435
Yeah.
465
00:21:51,435 --> 00:21:51,500
Through that.
466
00:21:51,505 --> 00:21:57,165
Like jel-, I mean, I call it jealousy, but
it is just, it's maybe more than jealousy.
467
00:21:57,165 --> 00:21:59,145
It's more just uncomfortable feelings.
468
00:21:59,150 --> 00:21:59,450
Feelings.
469
00:21:59,455 --> 00:22:04,064
'cause sometimes you, you have to
just find, find a way to navigate it.
470
00:22:04,094 --> 00:22:04,514
Yeah.
471
00:22:04,574 --> 00:22:07,844
Uh, I love the fact that he was
excited to come tell you about it.
472
00:22:07,915 --> 00:22:11,935
That, that to me says that
even though you weren't there.
473
00:22:12,685 --> 00:22:13,735
You were there.
474
00:22:13,764 --> 00:22:13,945
Yeah.
475
00:22:13,945 --> 00:22:14,665
You know what I mean?
476
00:22:14,665 --> 00:22:14,995
Like
477
00:22:15,030 --> 00:22:15,320
Yeah.
478
00:22:15,655 --> 00:22:15,805
Yeah.
479
00:22:15,805 --> 00:22:17,815
He was very excited to
come share it with you.
480
00:22:17,815 --> 00:22:21,804
And, and those are experiences that
we've talked about as well, where, you
481
00:22:21,804 --> 00:22:25,854
know, I I'm not bisexual, but me going
off and, and doing my own thing and then
482
00:22:25,854 --> 00:22:29,724
coming back and being able to share it
with her, you know, I'm not hiding it.
483
00:22:29,724 --> 00:22:32,244
I'm not going, well, I don't
want to talk about it with you.
484
00:22:32,544 --> 00:22:35,934
Uh, she's my best friend, so obviously
I, I would wanna share that with her.
485
00:22:35,934 --> 00:22:38,514
But also, also, like she said,
um, like you said, you don't
486
00:22:38,514 --> 00:22:39,894
have, you don't have a cock.
487
00:22:39,894 --> 00:22:41,874
You can't really share that.
488
00:22:41,874 --> 00:22:42,114
Right.
489
00:22:42,384 --> 00:22:44,364
So the bisexuality for me, yeah.
490
00:22:44,364 --> 00:22:45,594
He doesn't have a vagina.
491
00:22:45,594 --> 00:22:47,724
He can't, and yeah.
492
00:22:47,934 --> 00:22:50,334
It's like, go out and, and have that.
493
00:22:50,424 --> 00:22:54,744
Now I don't always share the same
compassion as he does for me as I do,
494
00:22:54,864 --> 00:22:56,484
you know, like it's not always the same.
495
00:22:56,484 --> 00:22:56,574
Mm-hmm.
496
00:22:56,814 --> 00:23:00,414
Because I'm still trying to
navigate through my mm-hmm.
497
00:23:00,714 --> 00:23:03,114
Insecurities and jealousy
and stuff like that.
498
00:23:03,119 --> 00:23:03,209
Mm-hmm.
499
00:23:03,209 --> 00:23:07,764
But I do love that you you write about
that and you help others express that
500
00:23:07,764 --> 00:23:09,415
and, you know, kind of find their way.
501
00:23:09,415 --> 00:23:09,504
Mm-hmm.
502
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:10,080
Um.
503
00:23:10,870 --> 00:23:15,280
I did wanna ask you, what's your advice
for someone who's just kind of starting to
504
00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:20,800
explore non-monogamy, who's feeling that
nervousness and unsure feelings and that
505
00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:24,009
uncomfortable feelings, like what do you,
what kind of advice could you give them?
506
00:23:24,580 --> 00:23:29,199
I think the first bit of advice or
the first point of call is remember
507
00:23:29,199 --> 00:23:33,179
that firstly everybody who's
you're meeting at a swing club,
508
00:23:33,179 --> 00:23:34,350
you'll meet us social, whatever.
509
00:23:34,350 --> 00:23:35,274
They've all been there.
510
00:23:35,294 --> 00:23:36,449
We all know what it's like.
511
00:23:36,449 --> 00:23:39,389
We all are shitting ourselves
inside at some point, you know?
512
00:23:39,389 --> 00:23:39,479
Right.
513
00:23:39,810 --> 00:23:45,179
We're all, we've all been absolutely
terrified, but at the same time, deeply
514
00:23:45,179 --> 00:23:49,330
curious and, really excited to get
started, but at the same time terrified.
515
00:23:49,360 --> 00:23:53,290
We all know what it's like and
sometimes when you are honest
516
00:23:53,290 --> 00:23:55,900
with people and you, you know, you
approach a couple and you say, look.
517
00:23:56,814 --> 00:24:00,294
I'm really excited to be here,
but I'm absolutely terrified
518
00:24:00,385 --> 00:24:01,715
of this, this, whatever.
519
00:24:02,195 --> 00:24:03,635
I'm really frightened
of what could happen.
520
00:24:03,665 --> 00:24:08,115
It just kinda like brings a
groundedness to, to that interaction
521
00:24:08,115 --> 00:24:09,495
because they can relate to that.
522
00:24:09,764 --> 00:24:12,105
And you're saying, look, I'm
actually quite vulnerable.
523
00:24:12,105 --> 00:24:13,305
I'm actually quite scared.
524
00:24:13,725 --> 00:24:15,764
This is what's going
through my mind right now.
525
00:24:16,335 --> 00:24:17,445
Have you been there too?
526
00:24:17,445 --> 00:24:20,985
And guarantee 100% of the
time they have been there too.
527
00:24:21,225 --> 00:24:22,425
And it's relatable.
528
00:24:22,725 --> 00:24:26,024
So that, you know, opening up with
that kind of conversation, but also
529
00:24:26,024 --> 00:24:30,674
understanding that, and I say this to
women especially time and time again,
530
00:24:30,705 --> 00:24:32,774
although women are not your competition.
531
00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:39,449
Insecurity and doubt and worry
and fear, it stems from you.
532
00:24:39,455 --> 00:24:39,735
Mm-hmm.
533
00:24:39,870 --> 00:24:42,479
Your insecurities are what feeds it.
534
00:24:42,689 --> 00:24:45,980
And when you realize that not
just in ethical NoMy, but in life.
535
00:24:46,220 --> 00:24:46,310
Yes.
536
00:24:46,310 --> 00:24:49,310
Once you realize that other women
are not your competition, you will
537
00:24:49,310 --> 00:24:51,830
have a much better life experience.
538
00:24:51,950 --> 00:24:52,040
Yes.
539
00:24:52,070 --> 00:24:55,070
Nevermind sexual experience
and also with men as well.
540
00:24:55,100 --> 00:24:59,600
I think it's different for men because
how we perceive a sexual encounters
541
00:24:59,750 --> 00:25:01,850
and encounters in swimming club is
different, but especially with women,
542
00:25:01,850 --> 00:25:05,510
like stop viewing all these women as
your competition or somebody who's gonna
543
00:25:05,510 --> 00:25:10,730
swoop in and take your man if you feel
instantly less because another woman
544
00:25:10,730 --> 00:25:15,050
you believe is more just by her being
there, the woman is not the problem.
545
00:25:15,350 --> 00:25:17,060
You are the problem.
546
00:25:17,090 --> 00:25:17,450
Yes.
547
00:25:18,650 --> 00:25:19,100
And that
548
00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:20,900
Rosie i, I love you.
549
00:25:21,110 --> 00:25:21,860
I just wanna say that.
550
00:25:22,190 --> 00:25:23,510
I just wanna get that
outta the way right now.
551
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:24,440
I love you.
552
00:25:24,500 --> 00:25:28,020
That is very true, and it's something
that a lot of women and I say women
553
00:25:28,020 --> 00:25:31,950
because, you know, I'm a woman, and so
a lot of women, especially when we get
554
00:25:31,950 --> 00:25:36,240
to this age of hormonal change, right?
555
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:39,180
I'm 47 and, and menopause has hit you.
556
00:25:39,360 --> 00:25:42,180
You, I feel like the insecurities
when you're teenagers.
557
00:25:42,655 --> 00:25:46,635
Hit even more, like you kind of
have this balance of back and forth
558
00:25:46,635 --> 00:25:50,585
and, you know, it doesn't, it doesn't
help that at times the lifestyle feels
559
00:25:50,585 --> 00:25:54,005
like, like school, like high school,
like adolescence all over again.
560
00:25:54,215 --> 00:25:54,375
Yes, yes.
561
00:25:54,665 --> 00:25:55,055
Absolutely.
562
00:25:55,055 --> 00:25:58,544
Um, I know when, when we first started,
I had a hard time in high school.
563
00:25:58,544 --> 00:26:04,694
Like, I, I wasn't great with the ladies,
you know, and so I missed out on a lot
564
00:26:04,694 --> 00:26:08,024
of opportunities and there was a lot of
things that I wanted to be able to enjoy
565
00:26:08,024 --> 00:26:12,445
that seemed like the stereotypical high
school and, and early college adventure
566
00:26:12,745 --> 00:26:14,304
that I did not get to take part in.
567
00:26:14,664 --> 00:26:19,854
Uh, so when we started in the lifestyle,
I had all sorts of insecurities because
568
00:26:19,854 --> 00:26:24,054
it was like, oh, well they just want
her because she's a beautiful woman and
569
00:26:24,054 --> 00:26:28,134
I'm getting sidestepped and nobody's
interested in me and what's wrong with me?
570
00:26:28,134 --> 00:26:33,340
And, you know, just all of these, uh,
internal issues and insecurities that
571
00:26:33,340 --> 00:26:34,989
I had with myself from high school.
572
00:26:35,069 --> 00:26:38,889
And I remember discussing it with her
and saying, you know, I just I don't like
573
00:26:38,889 --> 00:26:41,169
this feeling and I need to figure it out.
574
00:26:41,409 --> 00:26:46,929
2025, for those who are avid listeners
of our podcast, they realize that
575
00:26:46,929 --> 00:26:49,599
2025 is the year of confident Adam.
576
00:26:50,139 --> 00:26:57,099
And so, as of January 1st, 2025,
I said, I'm gonna be confident.
577
00:26:57,129 --> 00:27:00,369
I'm gonna walk in there and just
shake things up a little bit.
578
00:27:00,429 --> 00:27:04,719
And I will say, you know, the whole
fake it till you make it thing works
579
00:27:05,199 --> 00:27:08,169
because I faked it until I made it.
580
00:27:08,169 --> 00:27:13,179
And that doesn't apply to orgasms, by
the way, but I faked it and I made it.
581
00:27:13,179 --> 00:27:17,469
And I feel confident now, and I don't feel
like I'm stuck in that adolescence space.
582
00:27:17,589 --> 00:27:17,769
Yeah.
583
00:27:17,949 --> 00:27:21,639
Uh, you know, I just, I, I really
enjoyed that and that kind of ties
584
00:27:21,639 --> 00:27:23,079
into where I'm going with this.
585
00:27:23,450 --> 00:27:26,150
I know it was hard to see that there was a
light at the end of the tunnel there, but.
586
00:27:28,235 --> 00:27:29,825
I told a beautiful story there.
587
00:27:29,975 --> 00:27:30,335
You did.
588
00:27:30,425 --> 00:27:37,955
I like your writing because it blends this
education with a personal storytelling.
589
00:27:37,955 --> 00:27:41,225
I mean, even just talking to you
now, you're a great storyteller.
590
00:27:41,225 --> 00:27:41,885
I love it.
591
00:27:41,945 --> 00:27:42,125
Thank you.
592
00:27:42,485 --> 00:27:45,815
Now, my question to you is,
do you see yourself more as a
593
00:27:45,815 --> 00:27:48,965
writer, a teacher, or a guide
594
00:27:49,930 --> 00:27:52,150
or like all three, you know what I mean?
595
00:27:52,150 --> 00:27:55,870
Like do you I I, I know it's hard for
us to say, well, this is how I view
596
00:27:55,870 --> 00:28:02,590
myself without coming off as you know,
a. Elevated more than everybody else.
597
00:28:02,590 --> 00:28:03,940
None of us want to be like that.
598
00:28:03,940 --> 00:28:06,590
But if you had to place
something on yourself there,
599
00:28:06,590 --> 00:28:07,639
elevate yourself, girl.
600
00:28:07,639 --> 00:28:08,630
Elevate yourself.
601
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:09,320
That's right.
602
00:28:10,010 --> 00:28:13,700
Uh, so a writer, teacher or guide,
what I would say is that as this
603
00:28:13,700 --> 00:28:17,900
surprises many people, as somebody who
is naturally an introverted person, I'm
604
00:28:17,900 --> 00:28:22,880
very happy in my writing space because
I can shut myself away and I can do it.
605
00:28:22,940 --> 00:28:28,850
And I feel like I can just pour out my
heart and soul as I do onto the pages.
606
00:28:28,850 --> 00:28:30,510
And it's authentic and it's me.
607
00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:34,290
But that's because I'm an introverted
person and people don't always
608
00:28:34,290 --> 00:28:38,730
realize that because I'm also
somebody who is a coach and a guide.
609
00:28:39,120 --> 00:28:44,020
And I'm, I've somebody once said to me,
you are, you are kind of like a you are
610
00:28:44,020 --> 00:28:48,100
kind of a therapist, but you're more like
a self-help kind of like cheering people
611
00:28:48,100 --> 00:28:51,880
on and getting 'em to see a diff like a
self-improvement, which I, I, I kind of
612
00:28:52,060 --> 00:28:53,950
do as well because a lot of, well of.
613
00:28:54,475 --> 00:28:58,765
What I teach people is, has come
through my own mistakes and, and not
614
00:28:58,765 --> 00:29:01,555
wanting to live a certain way anymore.
615
00:29:01,765 --> 00:29:04,425
Yeah, I, I mean, I'm a
mix of, of all three.
616
00:29:04,725 --> 00:29:07,435
I'm also people's confidant as well.
617
00:29:07,435 --> 00:29:10,824
You know, people, couples open up
and they talk to me and, and single
618
00:29:10,824 --> 00:29:14,635
people, they talk to me about things
that they've never shared because I
619
00:29:14,635 --> 00:29:19,435
offer a non-judgmental space because
it's my job, you know, to listen.
620
00:29:19,655 --> 00:29:23,405
And yeah, I, I'm a mixture of all three.
621
00:29:23,910 --> 00:29:24,270
I love that.
622
00:29:24,550 --> 00:29:24,830
I love that.
623
00:29:25,590 --> 00:29:27,785
I love being all three, you know?
624
00:29:27,785 --> 00:29:27,795
Yeah.
625
00:29:27,815 --> 00:29:28,475
It's brilliant.
626
00:29:28,475 --> 00:29:29,345
I love that.
627
00:29:29,915 --> 00:29:32,615
I made my own, you know, my own job title.
628
00:29:32,615 --> 00:29:35,705
I created this, I, I, I love it.
629
00:29:35,705 --> 00:29:38,015
And I'm so proud of that, it's brilliant.
630
00:29:39,125 --> 00:29:39,175
I love that.
631
00:29:39,175 --> 00:29:40,920
It's neat because you kind of
created your own community, but you
632
00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:44,040
touched on, on something that I,
I, I'd like to go back to, and in
633
00:29:44,040 --> 00:29:45,240
the fact that you're introverted.
634
00:29:45,990 --> 00:29:51,110
We talk to a lot of content creators
and other I guess you could say
635
00:29:51,110 --> 00:29:56,360
coaches or counselors in this field,
and a lot of people who are in the
636
00:29:56,360 --> 00:30:02,650
forefront and usually being seen by an
audience, including us are introverted.
637
00:30:02,860 --> 00:30:07,210
I am majorly introverted at times,
times I'm the best She's not.
638
00:30:08,170 --> 00:30:09,700
And, and that's where we balance.
639
00:30:09,700 --> 00:30:12,880
But I have said this over and
over again and people seem to not
640
00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:14,860
believe it is that I am introverted.
641
00:30:14,910 --> 00:30:20,220
Um, and we kind of started a lot of
this so that I could work on getting
642
00:30:20,220 --> 00:30:23,430
my way out of there and being able
to socialize with people better.
643
00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:28,080
But I've noticed that a lot of people
that we talk to are introverted.
644
00:30:28,140 --> 00:30:28,230
Mm-hmm.
645
00:30:28,470 --> 00:30:32,905
Now with you being introverted
and with you being the.
646
00:30:33,780 --> 00:30:36,430
The face of thiskindagirl.
647
00:30:36,450 --> 00:30:36,540
Mm-hmm.
648
00:30:36,990 --> 00:30:39,930
People are turning to
you, I'm sure, en mass.
649
00:30:40,399 --> 00:30:41,510
How do you handle that?
650
00:30:41,510 --> 00:30:44,629
Like how, how do you deal with
it being an introverted person?
651
00:30:45,349 --> 00:30:48,349
Going back to what you said
about faking it till you make it.
652
00:30:48,930 --> 00:30:53,350
When I first started doing my
finger club reviews and, traveling
653
00:30:53,350 --> 00:30:56,620
around the UK and, and going swing
clubs and writing about them.
654
00:30:58,000 --> 00:30:59,320
That was a brand new thing for me.
655
00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:01,570
I was doing it as a single woman.
656
00:31:01,570 --> 00:31:05,049
I was rocking up to places, town,
cities I've never been to before.
657
00:31:05,049 --> 00:31:06,670
I was absolutely terrified.
658
00:31:06,699 --> 00:31:06,759
Wow.
659
00:31:06,759 --> 00:31:09,759
But I knew that it was my
brand that was on show.
660
00:31:09,880 --> 00:31:14,259
It was somebody who was saying, she's
so fucking good at the lifestyle.
661
00:31:14,259 --> 00:31:16,000
I'm gonna teach other
people how to do this.
662
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:18,639
So I had to fake it till I made it.
663
00:31:18,639 --> 00:31:24,279
I had to ooze confidence and charm
and charisma, and b, talk to everybody
664
00:31:24,310 --> 00:31:29,320
and show everybody the same amount
of respects and attention and
665
00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:31,900
be gracious and be professional.
666
00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:33,410
And it was fucking hard, you know?
667
00:31:33,755 --> 00:31:38,020
But I became so accustomed to it because
that was my brand that was on show.
668
00:31:38,020 --> 00:31:42,130
And I learned that separate that
when I was doing those things and
669
00:31:42,130 --> 00:31:45,219
when I'm coaching people, I'm a
brand and I'm a product, and I'm
670
00:31:45,219 --> 00:31:48,820
not, I'm not the deep down real me.
671
00:31:48,850 --> 00:31:51,130
I am what I've created.
672
00:31:51,130 --> 00:31:56,999
And I find it easy to kind of separate
the two because the introvert Yes.
673
00:31:57,030 --> 00:31:57,780
Version of me.
674
00:31:57,780 --> 00:32:01,379
The real version is she's not everybody
would be that interested in her.
675
00:32:01,379 --> 00:32:03,075
Like she ain't that,
she ain't that exciting.
676
00:32:03,465 --> 00:32:03,754
Like
677
00:32:04,124 --> 00:32:08,340
she's exciting, but she also likes
reading books about the paranormal
678
00:32:08,490 --> 00:32:10,100
and you know, I'm a cat mom.
679
00:32:10,295 --> 00:32:10,415
Yeah.
680
00:32:10,514 --> 00:32:12,830
Uh, you know, like it's not that exciting.
681
00:32:12,835 --> 00:32:13,094
Yeah.
682
00:32:13,370 --> 00:32:16,730
But the other version of me, you
know, it is pretty bloody exciting.
683
00:32:16,980 --> 00:32:22,680
So that's how I kind of like, it's
like almost like when I stepped into
684
00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:27,750
my shoes and I did my makeup in that
way, I became coach Lindsay Kay.
685
00:32:27,750 --> 00:32:31,350
And I'm here and I was talking to you
all and it's so lovely to meet you.
686
00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:34,920
And I became so good at that and I
realized that I could turn it off and
687
00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:37,200
turn it on when I was in this role.
688
00:32:37,420 --> 00:32:39,400
And that's how I kinda like
manage it, if you like.
689
00:32:39,405 --> 00:32:39,465
Yeah.
690
00:32:39,465 --> 00:32:41,140
But yeah, it does get overwhelming.
691
00:32:41,140 --> 00:32:45,220
And, and one thing I, this sounds sad,
sympathetic, but I'll share it anyway.
692
00:32:46,180 --> 00:32:46,190
Um.
693
00:32:46,960 --> 00:32:50,620
I remember I went up to, uh, I went
up to Liverpool here in the uk and
694
00:32:50,620 --> 00:32:53,890
I was doing like reviews of, of a
swinger club over different nights.
695
00:32:54,190 --> 00:32:56,200
Same club, but like different
nights, different events.
696
00:32:56,200 --> 00:32:59,730
And so many people were interested,
they wanted to talk to me and
697
00:32:59,730 --> 00:33:01,169
they wanted to hear my opinions.
698
00:33:01,169 --> 00:33:04,770
And I was like, had great nights
talking to all these people, doing
699
00:33:04,770 --> 00:33:08,190
interviews, doing all this, you know,
content and all these wonderful things.
700
00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:14,520
Came back to my hotel and just
absolutely burst into tears because
701
00:33:15,419 --> 00:33:20,050
nobody at that time, I just felt
like nobody was interested in me.
702
00:33:20,050 --> 00:33:20,110
Oh.
703
00:33:22,030 --> 00:33:23,950
And I felt like such a pathetic mess.
704
00:33:23,950 --> 00:33:28,240
But I realized also the,
almost the monster I'd created.
705
00:33:28,330 --> 00:33:34,305
And I realized at that point what it was
like to be a brand and a personal brand.
706
00:33:34,305 --> 00:33:39,075
And I realized that maybe it's great,
but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
707
00:33:39,075 --> 00:33:41,355
Because at that moment when
I got back to the hotel and.
708
00:33:43,170 --> 00:33:47,250
I looked at my real life and I
looked at like all the, the bullshit
709
00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:52,560
dating that was going on and all the
breadcrumb stuff, and I was like yeah.
710
00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:55,200
It, it's not always a good,
and, and I kind of like thought
711
00:33:55,500 --> 00:33:56,880
and I have that reality check.
712
00:33:57,030 --> 00:34:00,780
So I've always kept grounded, you
know, and I've never allowed it to
713
00:34:00,780 --> 00:34:03,210
become, I've never bought into it.
714
00:34:03,330 --> 00:34:04,380
Does that make sense?
715
00:34:04,380 --> 00:34:04,470
Yes.
716
00:34:04,470 --> 00:34:04,590
Oh,
717
00:34:04,590 --> 00:34:05,040
absolutely.
718
00:34:05,190 --> 00:34:05,310
Yes.
719
00:34:05,340 --> 00:34:05,640
Like,
720
00:34:05,970 --> 00:34:07,410
I've kind of like been Yeah.
721
00:34:07,410 --> 00:34:11,250
You know, being Rosie Kay is great and
she's amazing and she's sexy and she's
722
00:34:11,250 --> 00:34:14,490
all these things, but she's not all of me.
723
00:34:14,580 --> 00:34:14,699
Yeah.
724
00:34:14,699 --> 00:34:15,870
She's a part of me.
725
00:34:15,870 --> 00:34:16,230
Yeah.
726
00:34:16,290 --> 00:34:16,500
Now,
727
00:34:16,500 --> 00:34:21,150
does, does she ever make appearances
in your personal relationships
728
00:34:23,574 --> 00:34:23,925
still?
729
00:34:25,734 --> 00:34:31,824
She can do she can do, but my, to
be honest, my own relationship that
730
00:34:31,824 --> 00:34:37,134
I have now is with a guy who is.
731
00:34:38,500 --> 00:34:40,629
Well, he's the more dominant
partner, I would say.
732
00:34:40,750 --> 00:34:40,960
Okay.
733
00:34:40,964 --> 00:34:41,980
In, in that, in that role.
734
00:34:41,980 --> 00:34:43,030
So that's different again.
735
00:34:43,030 --> 00:34:48,280
But also, he's somebody who I see,
he like, he is an equal to me.
736
00:34:48,639 --> 00:34:56,620
And he like, so he d he does
follow my advice, but also I
737
00:34:56,620 --> 00:34:58,420
listen to, this is major for me.
738
00:34:58,420 --> 00:35:01,810
I listen to him and follow his
advice, which I haven't really done
739
00:35:01,810 --> 00:35:02,950
that much with men in the past.
740
00:35:04,060 --> 00:35:04,915
That's love baby.
741
00:35:05,145 --> 00:35:07,299
That, so that is a very
different experience for me.
742
00:35:07,299 --> 00:35:11,259
So we're both equals and we've
always viewed each other as equal
743
00:35:11,379 --> 00:35:15,220
contributors to this relationship,
to this family thing we got going on.
744
00:35:15,220 --> 00:35:17,049
And it's so different, you know?
745
00:35:17,049 --> 00:35:21,430
And it's, yeah, I mean, she does make
appearances, but also I think now.
746
00:35:22,134 --> 00:35:27,055
I am able to offer so much more
insight about relationships and
747
00:35:27,055 --> 00:35:30,805
about this female self-improvement
and not settling for less.
748
00:35:30,805 --> 00:35:33,325
So we know when younger members of
my family come to me and go, oh,
749
00:35:33,325 --> 00:35:36,685
you know, I've experienced this, or
Friends have treated me like this,
750
00:35:36,685 --> 00:35:39,345
or I've been, all this bullshit
that we go through as teenagers.
751
00:35:39,345 --> 00:35:40,275
I'm like, right, okay.
752
00:35:40,575 --> 00:35:41,775
This is what you need to do.
753
00:35:41,825 --> 00:35:43,265
Or this is why this doesn't work.
754
00:35:43,565 --> 00:35:47,855
So I am able to kind of like share
that insight and, and that guidance
755
00:35:47,855 --> 00:35:50,255
with people that I, I wouldn't
have been able to do before.
756
00:35:50,495 --> 00:35:52,925
But I do keep the worlds very separate.
757
00:35:53,195 --> 00:35:53,915
I love that.
758
00:35:53,915 --> 00:35:54,545
I love that.
759
00:35:54,875 --> 00:35:58,865
Now we're gonna start digging into
some society shame and empowerment.
760
00:35:58,865 --> 00:36:04,625
So how do you see shame showing
up in con in conversations around
761
00:36:04,625 --> 00:36:06,905
sexuality, especially for women?
762
00:36:08,950 --> 00:36:17,405
I, I think some, I think bisexual
women and how we are viewed.
763
00:36:19,885 --> 00:36:26,975
Is we bisexual women will always be
viewed as hot property or it's cool to
764
00:36:26,975 --> 00:36:29,465
be bisexual or it's sexy to be bisexual.
765
00:36:29,795 --> 00:36:34,235
And I think very often, or should
I say more often now, women are
766
00:36:34,235 --> 00:36:38,795
able to express their sexuality
more without fear of shame so much.
767
00:36:38,815 --> 00:36:38,905
Mm-hmm.
768
00:36:39,145 --> 00:36:42,865
I think sometimes within certain circles
you can't always share or you don't feel
769
00:36:42,865 --> 00:36:46,645
comfortable sharing, but I think there's
not as much stigma attached to it.
770
00:36:46,945 --> 00:36:49,915
I mean, I, I dunno where, what it's like
where you guys are based, but here we have
771
00:36:49,915 --> 00:36:54,955
female only parties, female only socials
where women can simply get together
772
00:36:55,375 --> 00:36:57,685
who are all bisexual or, or, or gay.
773
00:36:57,785 --> 00:37:01,000
And, you know, have a good time or,
or meet people who are like-minded.
774
00:37:01,330 --> 00:37:05,590
So there's not as much as there
probably used to be and there's
775
00:37:05,590 --> 00:37:07,930
certainly safe spaces for them.
776
00:37:08,260 --> 00:37:10,660
Yeah, you just gave me a brilliant idea.
777
00:37:10,660 --> 00:37:11,260
I love that.
778
00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:14,200
First of all, I'm gonna have to
go visit you, so sorry, honey.
779
00:37:15,190 --> 00:37:19,360
Well, no, A trip like that is not
gonna be a female only Oh, trip.
780
00:37:19,510 --> 00:37:20,320
I'll come too.
781
00:37:20,320 --> 00:37:21,640
You, you can, you can hang out.
782
00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:22,180
Amazing.
783
00:37:22,180 --> 00:37:22,450
Yeah.
784
00:37:22,450 --> 00:37:22,690
No.
785
00:37:22,690 --> 00:37:26,110
Um, bisexuality here's probably,
786
00:37:26,455 --> 00:37:28,135
It's, it's a hot commodity out here.
787
00:37:28,135 --> 00:37:28,935
It's a hot commodity.
788
00:37:29,130 --> 00:37:32,160
Bisexual women, especially
single bisexual women Yeah.
789
00:37:32,430 --> 00:37:34,650
Are considered a commodity.
790
00:37:34,925 --> 00:37:35,215
Yeah.
791
00:37:35,215 --> 00:37:36,720
Uh, and we, we've done a whole show on it.
792
00:37:36,720 --> 00:37:41,670
And to date, it's one of our more
popular shows, uh, about the quote
793
00:37:41,670 --> 00:37:43,680
unquote unicorn in the lifestyle.
794
00:37:43,680 --> 00:37:43,740
Yeah.
795
00:37:44,380 --> 00:37:49,900
But what I find is talking to a, a lot
of single women in the lifestyle is they
796
00:37:49,900 --> 00:37:51,790
don't care for that term, for one thing.
797
00:37:51,790 --> 00:37:51,850
Yeah.
798
00:37:52,300 --> 00:37:56,770
Uh, they don't care for the being
put on a pedestal and feeling
799
00:37:56,770 --> 00:37:58,960
like they're a, a hot commodity.
800
00:37:59,380 --> 00:38:03,570
Uh, but also, where we're at
in Texas, where we used to be
801
00:38:03,570 --> 00:38:05,940
at previously in South Texas.
802
00:38:06,070 --> 00:38:10,660
A lot of the lifestyle was very man led.
803
00:38:10,990 --> 00:38:11,140
Yes.
804
00:38:11,950 --> 00:38:12,040
Mm-hmm.
805
00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:14,890
In a very, almost a
misogynistic kind of way.
806
00:38:15,130 --> 00:38:15,640
Mm-hmm.
807
00:38:15,641 --> 00:38:20,235
And these were a lot of newer people or
people with toxic traits who didn't really
808
00:38:20,290 --> 00:38:22,150
do their research about the lifestyle.
809
00:38:22,390 --> 00:38:24,250
They just knew they wanted to
have sex with other people.
810
00:38:24,370 --> 00:38:24,460
Mm-hmm.
811
00:38:25,180 --> 00:38:25,190
Yeah.
812
00:38:25,360 --> 00:38:28,390
And so that's, and I'm sure
that exists everywhere.
813
00:38:28,870 --> 00:38:28,930
Yeah.
814
00:38:29,050 --> 00:38:32,380
But it was very prevalent
where we were at.
815
00:38:32,750 --> 00:38:37,580
And so being able to be
where we're at now Yeah.
816
00:38:37,610 --> 00:38:40,850
And seeing a lot of the women
empowerment and see, and you know, my
817
00:38:40,850 --> 00:38:46,790
wife is a very big advocate for women
empowerment and she tries to help other
818
00:38:46,790 --> 00:38:48,885
women find their voice and mm-hmm.
819
00:38:48,965 --> 00:38:50,030
And find their No.
820
00:38:50,030 --> 00:38:51,980
And be able to, to do all of that.
821
00:38:52,350 --> 00:38:57,180
But we forget that this is
really geographical at times.
822
00:38:57,805 --> 00:38:58,405
Definitely.
823
00:38:58,765 --> 00:38:59,155
Yeah.
824
00:38:59,215 --> 00:39:02,244
So I, I find that so, interesting.
825
00:39:02,604 --> 00:39:06,954
I, I'm pretty sure that now that you've
put this little nugget of information
826
00:39:06,954 --> 00:39:13,494
in her head, she's gonna be doing an all
female social or so, that sort of thing.
827
00:39:13,494 --> 00:39:14,694
It's, it should be interesting.
828
00:39:14,994 --> 00:39:17,274
I'll spend a lot of nights at home alone.
829
00:39:17,604 --> 00:39:22,660
Well, so I, I think they're popular in the
uk also, again, going back to what I said,
830
00:39:22,660 --> 00:39:25,600
because you can be whoever you want to be.
831
00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:29,149
Here in the uk we don't have as
much, the religious constraints.
832
00:39:29,149 --> 00:39:31,370
People aren't only religious over here.
833
00:39:31,730 --> 00:39:35,210
And so it's not, it's not as
much as a, a taboo subject.
834
00:39:35,210 --> 00:39:39,959
So I think also PE women have
that freedom, but also I think,
835
00:39:39,959 --> 00:39:41,069
and this is, this is interesting.
836
00:39:42,029 --> 00:39:43,799
I believe that.
837
00:39:44,504 --> 00:39:47,504
If you are in a relationship like, like
I am now, in you relationship with a
838
00:39:47,504 --> 00:39:52,034
man, it's almost like bisexuality, female
bisexuality isn't viewed as a threat.
839
00:39:52,304 --> 00:39:54,854
It's like almost like,
oh, well she's bisexual.
840
00:39:54,914 --> 00:39:55,004
Yes.
841
00:39:55,004 --> 00:39:56,534
She'd never leave me for a woman.
842
00:39:57,614 --> 00:39:57,704
Yes.
843
00:39:57,794 --> 00:40:02,714
Like if my partner wasn't Ollie
was correct to be like, I would
844
00:40:02,774 --> 00:40:08,024
like, it doesn't take me much like
it, it's rare for me to be in a
845
00:40:08,084 --> 00:40:10,904
long-term relationship with a man
because I'm not a massive fan of men.
846
00:40:11,414 --> 00:40:14,324
And I do believe that for a lot
of men out there, they like, oh,
847
00:40:14,324 --> 00:40:15,794
you know, she's just bisexual.
848
00:40:15,794 --> 00:40:17,234
It's just women having a bit of fun.
849
00:40:17,744 --> 00:40:19,784
Rosie, you're a UK version of me.
850
00:40:19,784 --> 00:40:20,474
I love it.
851
00:40:20,924 --> 00:40:21,794
I'm the same way.
852
00:40:21,794 --> 00:40:23,744
I, I, yeah.
853
00:40:23,744 --> 00:40:25,274
I'm ex exactly what you said.
854
00:40:25,274 --> 00:40:26,294
I've said it a thousand times.
855
00:40:26,294 --> 00:40:26,534
Have you times met
856
00:40:26,534 --> 00:40:26,984
women?
857
00:40:27,164 --> 00:40:27,374
I know,
858
00:40:29,624 --> 00:40:29,984
right?
859
00:40:29,984 --> 00:40:30,824
It's, um,
860
00:40:30,974 --> 00:40:34,304
well, there are some men who
get who get insecure about it.
861
00:40:34,304 --> 00:40:35,924
My husband, they find that they're, yeah.
862
00:40:36,045 --> 00:40:37,819
Uh, wives or, or spouses or partners.
863
00:40:38,700 --> 00:40:39,509
Or bisexual.
864
00:40:39,509 --> 00:40:39,750
Yeah.
865
00:40:39,750 --> 00:40:43,049
My first two, actually, my
first two last relationships
866
00:40:43,290 --> 00:40:45,089
were very insecure about that.
867
00:40:45,095 --> 00:40:45,245
Yeah.
868
00:40:45,250 --> 00:40:47,880
Like, I could not even bring that
up because it was like, yeah.
869
00:40:48,450 --> 00:40:48,839
Nope.
870
00:40:49,290 --> 00:40:49,770
And
871
00:40:49,830 --> 00:40:50,609
I celebrated.
872
00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:50,700
Yeah.
873
00:40:50,700 --> 00:40:53,160
You know, when, when I found
out, you know, she came out to
874
00:40:53,160 --> 00:40:54,390
me when we first started dating.
875
00:40:54,839 --> 00:40:54,990
Mm-hmm.
876
00:40:55,230 --> 00:40:58,650
And I really said, you know, I would
love for us to experience this not only
877
00:40:58,650 --> 00:41:02,160
for myself, obviously that was a good
portion of it, but also so that she could
878
00:41:02,160 --> 00:41:04,509
experience and, and have her enjoyment.
879
00:41:04,509 --> 00:41:08,679
And then when we became poly, that
was really where I told her, I, I
880
00:41:08,679 --> 00:41:11,229
was like, you know, you've never
had a relationship with a woman.
881
00:41:11,559 --> 00:41:13,509
You should really be able to explore that.
882
00:41:13,514 --> 00:41:13,614
Yeah.
883
00:41:13,614 --> 00:41:13,814
You know?
884
00:41:13,819 --> 00:41:14,529
Yeah, for sure.
885
00:41:14,589 --> 00:41:18,854
And so it I think out here, you
know, obviously there, there
886
00:41:18,854 --> 00:41:23,524
is a lot of, uh, stigma because
of the religious aspect of it.
887
00:41:23,554 --> 00:41:23,974
Here.
888
00:41:24,289 --> 00:41:27,049
In the States, and it seems
to be pretty relevant.
889
00:41:27,049 --> 00:41:31,249
So there's a lot of judgment out here
and a lot of people who live in fear
890
00:41:31,399 --> 00:41:34,049
Uh, of being openly themselves.
891
00:41:34,079 --> 00:41:34,229
Yeah.
892
00:41:34,289 --> 00:41:34,679
You know?
893
00:41:34,739 --> 00:41:34,889
Oh,
894
00:41:34,889 --> 00:41:35,549
for sure.
895
00:41:35,549 --> 00:41:36,389
Yeah, yeah,
896
00:41:36,419 --> 00:41:36,839
yeah.
897
00:41:36,899 --> 00:41:43,259
But, uh, with that being said,
what can we all do as creators, as
898
00:41:43,319 --> 00:41:45,719
podcasters and community members?
899
00:41:46,049 --> 00:41:50,309
What can we do to make the conversation
around sexuality and relationships
900
00:41:50,309 --> 00:41:52,709
more compassionate and inclusive?
901
00:41:54,389 --> 00:41:56,919
I think we can try and
902
00:41:59,609 --> 00:42:01,019
move away from.
903
00:42:01,964 --> 00:42:05,594
A lot of people talk to me about
judgment and talk to me about shame and
904
00:42:05,594 --> 00:42:07,094
say, oh, well what will people think?
905
00:42:07,124 --> 00:42:08,804
And well, what, you know,
what will my family think?
906
00:42:08,804 --> 00:42:10,034
Or what will society think?
907
00:42:10,034 --> 00:42:14,324
Or what if people from my church find
out, or, you know, what, ultimately
908
00:42:14,324 --> 00:42:17,774
you are the one who's leading your
own life and you are in control
909
00:42:17,774 --> 00:42:19,304
of what happens on that journey.
910
00:42:19,304 --> 00:42:21,164
You are in control of,
you know, who you meet.
911
00:42:21,164 --> 00:42:24,984
And the, you are the only one who
is steering the ship, essentially.
912
00:42:25,554 --> 00:42:32,454
And I often find that people, that's like
their biggest hangup for so many people
913
00:42:32,454 --> 00:42:34,974
is what will other people think of me?
914
00:42:35,154 --> 00:42:40,914
And it kind of pains me because for
me, I've always been my, my, you
915
00:42:40,914 --> 00:42:44,094
know, my motto is, do what you want
in life, not what's expected of you.
916
00:42:44,094 --> 00:42:48,804
And it's, that has been my motto for like
forever and I've led my life that way.
917
00:42:50,064 --> 00:42:53,094
And I just think that as content
creators, we need to show
918
00:42:53,124 --> 00:42:54,654
people that we are doing that.
919
00:42:55,434 --> 00:42:57,084
And I, I, I believe that I do.
920
00:42:57,084 --> 00:43:01,224
And I think if we truly believe that we
are the only ones who are in charge, if
921
00:43:01,224 --> 00:43:05,214
we want to go to an all woman social, we
should fucking go to an all woman social.
922
00:43:05,214 --> 00:43:07,974
If we want to set up something,
if we wanna try out having a
923
00:43:07,974 --> 00:43:09,924
relationship with a woman, why not?
924
00:43:09,924 --> 00:43:11,514
You know, go and do it.
925
00:43:11,514 --> 00:43:15,564
Because if you are in a place where your
relationship is strong enough and you
926
00:43:15,564 --> 00:43:19,734
yourself are strong enough to see that
bigger picture and go, you know what?
927
00:43:19,734 --> 00:43:23,099
I'm gonna do this for the
greater good, uh, for the greater
928
00:43:24,174 --> 00:43:24,339
good, for the greater good.
929
00:43:24,344 --> 00:43:25,764
Like, I need this, babe.
930
00:43:25,764 --> 00:43:26,394
I need this.
931
00:43:26,724 --> 00:43:29,484
Go out and enjoy it because
you only get one chance.
932
00:43:29,784 --> 00:43:33,354
And Moab like, like having different
experiences with different types
933
00:43:33,354 --> 00:43:36,384
of people or even just going and
talking to different types of people.
934
00:43:36,444 --> 00:43:40,344
When you talk about inclusivity and
things like that, I think one of
935
00:43:40,344 --> 00:43:42,054
the biggest eye openers I had was.
936
00:43:42,639 --> 00:43:47,109
I did a speed dating event where I was
given a talk at a speed dating event and
937
00:43:47,139 --> 00:43:50,529
at the speed dating event, it was for
ENM people, but there were like people
938
00:43:50,529 --> 00:43:55,469
there who were like wheelchair users and
non-binary people, and people who you, who
939
00:43:55,469 --> 00:44:01,439
I myself would never talk to because they
simply didn't fit in my social circle.
940
00:44:02,279 --> 00:44:06,779
But in that environment, I realized there
were so many people out there who I could
941
00:44:06,779 --> 00:44:09,389
talk to who would broaden my perspectives.
942
00:44:09,539 --> 00:44:13,379
I learned so much about the world
of less able bodied dating just
943
00:44:13,379 --> 00:44:16,469
from having those conversations
or just by, you know, speaking to
944
00:44:16,469 --> 00:44:19,549
non-binary people and that, that the,
the, the hurdles that they faced.
945
00:44:20,479 --> 00:44:23,189
And I think, yeah, just,
just does that make sense?
946
00:44:23,189 --> 00:44:26,009
Like just go, go and explore and, yeah.
947
00:44:26,339 --> 00:44:26,819
I love that.
948
00:44:26,819 --> 00:44:26,879
In
949
00:44:26,879 --> 00:44:28,319
other words, get out of your head.
950
00:44:28,319 --> 00:44:29,339
Get out of your head.
951
00:44:29,429 --> 00:44:29,609
Yeah.
952
00:44:29,609 --> 00:44:30,184
Get out of your head.
953
00:44:30,299 --> 00:44:31,744
Stop worrying about what the people think.
954
00:44:31,934 --> 00:44:32,464
Live life.
955
00:44:32,464 --> 00:44:32,939
You know what?
956
00:44:33,329 --> 00:44:37,169
If you wanna go along and
chat away to people and learn
957
00:44:37,169 --> 00:44:39,029
more about their experiences.
958
00:44:39,419 --> 00:44:39,959
Why not?
959
00:44:40,649 --> 00:44:41,219
Why not?
960
00:44:41,369 --> 00:44:42,119
Absolutely.
961
00:44:42,239 --> 00:44:42,509
Yeah.
962
00:44:42,509 --> 00:44:43,489
I that's great.
963
00:44:43,849 --> 00:44:44,449
That's great.
964
00:44:44,599 --> 00:44:48,139
Now I, Rosie, I'm, uh, we're gonna
have a little fun with this right here.
965
00:44:48,139 --> 00:44:54,259
As we're starting to come to a, a wrap,
I want you to answer this with as little
966
00:44:54,259 --> 00:44:59,239
thinking as possible, because I, I know
as, as writers, we tend to really dig into
967
00:44:59,239 --> 00:45:01,159
the back for, for a really good response.
968
00:45:01,489 --> 00:45:03,169
I want whatever's in the forefront.
969
00:45:03,174 --> 00:45:03,464
Okay.
970
00:45:03,469 --> 00:45:03,799
Okay.
971
00:45:03,799 --> 00:45:06,469
What is your favorite thing
about being non-monogamous?
972
00:45:07,169 --> 00:45:07,739
Being bi.
973
00:45:08,339 --> 00:45:11,039
Like getting to just sex with women.
974
00:45:11,524 --> 00:45:11,534
Yeah.
975
00:45:12,149 --> 00:45:12,389
Yeah.
976
00:45:12,869 --> 00:45:15,389
That's actually my favorite
part about being non-monogamous
977
00:45:15,419 --> 00:45:16,289
is the sex with women.
978
00:45:16,289 --> 00:45:17,639
So we have a lot in common.
979
00:45:18,959 --> 00:45:19,739
I love that.
980
00:45:21,509 --> 00:45:23,024
I think she was, I had it in my head.
981
00:45:23,024 --> 00:45:24,014
I was like, women.
982
00:45:25,454 --> 00:45:27,494
And really, I mean, we, we can all agree.
983
00:45:27,494 --> 00:45:29,804
I mean, the lifestyle
is really women-centric.
984
00:45:29,804 --> 00:45:29,864
Yeah.
985
00:45:29,864 --> 00:45:31,154
If you take the women out of it.
986
00:45:31,184 --> 00:45:31,484
Yeah.
987
00:45:31,574 --> 00:45:33,309
There's really no fun.
988
00:45:34,704 --> 00:45:38,849
I mean, it depends on who you are, but
I mean, a lot of it is women-centric.
989
00:45:38,849 --> 00:45:38,909
Yeah.
990
00:45:38,909 --> 00:45:42,089
And I think a lot of women need to
realize if they haven't already,
991
00:45:42,089 --> 00:45:44,519
that they kind of rule the roost on
992
00:45:44,669 --> 00:45:44,759
this.
993
00:45:44,759 --> 00:45:46,109
I've, I've tried telling women that, but,
994
00:45:47,219 --> 00:45:47,429
you know.
995
00:45:47,579 --> 00:45:47,909
Yeah.
996
00:45:47,969 --> 00:45:48,089
We
997
00:45:48,089 --> 00:45:49,259
haven't ruled the world yet.
998
00:45:49,259 --> 00:45:50,039
We're getting there though.
999
00:45:50,039 --> 00:45:51,059
We're gonna, yeah.
1000
00:45:51,479 --> 00:45:51,689
Okay.
1001
00:45:51,689 --> 00:45:57,029
Now, I don't know, I, I mean, this
question may be easy, but one UK lifestyle
1002
00:45:57,029 --> 00:45:59,279
misconception you'd love to clear up.
1003
00:46:00,869 --> 00:46:06,899
That you can't just walk into any
swingers club and just like pay a certain
1004
00:46:06,899 --> 00:46:08,789
amount of money and that guarantees you.
1005
00:46:09,134 --> 00:46:09,794
Sex.
1006
00:46:09,824 --> 00:46:11,684
You can't just go and say, you know what?
1007
00:46:11,924 --> 00:46:13,934
I've paid a hundred pounds, 150 pounds.
1008
00:46:13,934 --> 00:46:19,274
Therefore that entitles me because this is
something which I see time and time again,
1009
00:46:19,964 --> 00:46:24,014
especially with single guys and sometimes
with couples as well, I've paid hundred
1010
00:46:24,014 --> 00:46:26,354
50 pounds, why am I not getting anywhere
1011
00:46:26,624 --> 00:46:27,059
that's globally?
1012
00:46:27,524 --> 00:46:27,974
Yeah.
1013
00:46:28,034 --> 00:46:28,844
That is globally.
1014
00:46:28,844 --> 00:46:29,179
So, yeah.
1015
00:46:29,179 --> 00:46:29,579
But you know,
1016
00:46:29,744 --> 00:46:30,134
yeah.
1017
00:46:30,194 --> 00:46:30,374
Yeah.
1018
00:46:30,374 --> 00:46:34,694
But I, I see that, you know, all,
all like all the time and it seems
1019
00:46:34,694 --> 00:46:39,344
to be whatever club as well, you
know, whether it's a really exclusive
1020
00:46:39,344 --> 00:46:44,249
members club or a, you know, more pay,
casual pay on the door type thing.
1021
00:46:44,959 --> 00:46:49,609
That mentality expectant
mentality is Yeah.
1022
00:46:49,819 --> 00:46:49,994
Is huge.
1023
00:46:50,674 --> 00:46:51,154
Yeah.
1024
00:46:51,244 --> 00:46:53,104
Especially with people who have money.
1025
00:46:53,314 --> 00:46:53,464
Yeah.
1026
00:46:53,464 --> 00:46:57,514
I mean, it's just, uh, I, I've known a
lot of people who have really, really
1027
00:46:57,514 --> 00:47:01,144
great vast amount of money and they,
a lot of them have that mentality that
1028
00:47:01,144 --> 00:47:02,284
they can just buy whatever they want.
1029
00:47:02,404 --> 00:47:03,034
Oh, yeah.
1030
00:47:03,039 --> 00:47:03,149
Yeah.
1031
00:47:03,184 --> 00:47:04,204
And buy, buy whoever
1032
00:47:04,204 --> 00:47:04,594
they want.
1033
00:47:04,594 --> 00:47:05,764
And it's like, yeah.
1034
00:47:05,764 --> 00:47:06,964
It don't work that way.
1035
00:47:06,964 --> 00:47:08,044
You, yeah.
1036
00:47:08,409 --> 00:47:13,924
Now, if you had to describe thiskindagirl
in three words, what would they be?
1037
00:47:17,449 --> 00:47:17,739
Sexy.
1038
00:47:18,319 --> 00:47:19,099
Oh, I don't know.
1039
00:47:19,399 --> 00:47:19,779
I'm not sexy.
1040
00:47:19,784 --> 00:47:20,254
That's, that's
1041
00:47:20,254 --> 00:47:20,554
okay.
1042
00:47:20,554 --> 00:47:21,784
You can take your time with this one.
1043
00:47:22,384 --> 00:47:23,254
That's a good question.
1044
00:47:23,254 --> 00:47:26,704
This is very much like when I say to
people, you know, what do you write in
1045
00:47:26,704 --> 00:47:29,644
your dating profile or what, you know,
tell me what you like and they don't know.
1046
00:47:29,884 --> 00:47:33,754
I think three words to describe
me is probably excitable
1047
00:47:39,519 --> 00:47:39,869
adult.
1048
00:47:40,654 --> 00:47:42,214
Or like adult in nature.
1049
00:47:42,514 --> 00:47:42,814
Yeah.
1050
00:47:45,514 --> 00:47:45,994
And
1051
00:47:51,784 --> 00:47:54,154
I dunno what's the word for kind of like,
1052
00:47:56,164 --> 00:47:58,204
somebody wants subscribe,
somebody wants to describe me as a
1053
00:47:58,204 --> 00:48:02,764
shepherdess, like guiding my sheep,
like shepherd of the lifestyle.
1054
00:48:02,824 --> 00:48:02,974
Very
1055
00:48:02,974 --> 00:48:03,814
educational.
1056
00:48:03,844 --> 00:48:04,474
Yeah,
1057
00:48:04,474 --> 00:48:05,074
educational.
1058
00:48:05,074 --> 00:48:06,604
Because I do see myself as that.
1059
00:48:06,604 --> 00:48:09,214
Like, you're a guide but not motherly.
1060
00:48:10,024 --> 00:48:10,264
There
1061
00:48:10,264 --> 00:48:10,654
you go.
1062
00:48:12,099 --> 00:48:13,239
You like, there you go.
1063
00:48:13,244 --> 00:48:13,414
Yeah.
1064
00:48:13,414 --> 00:48:16,204
So prob So maybe like, like shepherd us.
1065
00:48:16,624 --> 00:48:17,164
That's not that.
1066
00:48:17,164 --> 00:48:18,279
I would, I don't, I dunno.
1067
00:48:18,454 --> 00:48:18,964
I don't know.
1068
00:48:18,964 --> 00:48:19,654
Three words.
1069
00:48:20,134 --> 00:48:21,724
Oh, it's very typical, isn't it?
1070
00:48:22,144 --> 00:48:22,684
Um, RO
1071
00:48:22,684 --> 00:48:23,944
Rosie, you're, you're a writer.
1072
00:48:25,144 --> 00:48:27,154
I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna,
I'm just gonna point that out.
1073
00:48:27,154 --> 00:48:27,634
You're a writer.
1074
00:48:27,634 --> 00:48:29,104
You, you gotta know these words.
1075
00:48:29,679 --> 00:48:30,159
I know you have.
1076
00:48:30,559 --> 00:48:31,759
I know, I know.
1077
00:48:32,134 --> 00:48:32,674
I'm sorry.
1078
00:48:32,739 --> 00:48:33,679
I'm just giving you a hard time.
1079
00:48:34,159 --> 00:48:34,479
Describe you.
1080
00:48:34,684 --> 00:48:35,494
Just meeting you.
1081
00:48:35,494 --> 00:48:37,504
I would be confident.
1082
00:48:38,689 --> 00:48:39,469
Sexy.
1083
00:48:40,189 --> 00:48:41,959
And I know.
1084
00:48:41,959 --> 00:48:42,529
Bold.
1085
00:48:42,589 --> 00:48:43,339
I would say bold.
1086
00:48:43,339 --> 00:48:44,569
Bold and confidence.
1087
00:48:44,569 --> 00:48:44,839
I know.
1088
00:48:44,839 --> 00:48:45,529
They kind of go together.
1089
00:48:45,529 --> 00:48:45,709
Yeah.
1090
00:48:45,709 --> 00:48:47,749
Those no, bold is, I like bold.
1091
00:48:47,899 --> 00:48:48,169
Right.
1092
00:48:48,259 --> 00:48:49,849
If I had to come, I would use bold.
1093
00:48:49,909 --> 00:48:50,329
Yeah.
1094
00:48:50,509 --> 00:48:51,469
Knowledgeable.
1095
00:48:51,529 --> 00:48:52,039
Yes.
1096
00:48:52,039 --> 00:48:52,849
And experienced.
1097
00:48:52,849 --> 00:48:53,419
There you go.
1098
00:48:53,624 --> 00:48:54,889
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1099
00:48:54,889 --> 00:48:55,309
True.
1100
00:48:55,489 --> 00:48:55,639
Yeah.
1101
00:48:55,639 --> 00:48:55,969
True.
1102
00:48:56,449 --> 00:48:57,834
Unapologetic is a good one.
1103
00:48:58,354 --> 00:48:59,274
I apologetic.
1104
00:48:59,629 --> 00:49:00,619
Unapologetic.
1105
00:49:01,019 --> 00:49:01,649
Bold.
1106
00:49:03,029 --> 00:49:05,759
I don't wanna say confrontational
'cause that's more of me on a personal
1107
00:49:05,759 --> 00:49:07,919
level, but I'll fight for the underdog.
1108
00:49:07,949 --> 00:49:11,109
I will fight for, the
woman who's been wronged.
1109
00:49:11,139 --> 00:49:13,624
I will fight for the people
I feel are not passion.
1110
00:49:13,689 --> 00:49:13,959
Yeah.
1111
00:49:14,019 --> 00:49:14,379
Definitely.
1112
00:49:14,379 --> 00:49:14,889
Passionate.
1113
00:49:14,894 --> 00:49:15,184
Passionate.
1114
00:49:15,189 --> 00:49:15,744
See, I love that.
1115
00:49:15,744 --> 00:49:15,824
Wow.
1116
00:49:15,854 --> 00:49:17,184
This is, this is so much better.
1117
00:49:17,374 --> 00:49:17,859
Look at that.
1118
00:49:17,859 --> 00:49:20,469
You and Pris actually
have a lot in common.
1119
00:49:20,949 --> 00:49:21,039
I know.
1120
00:49:21,039 --> 00:49:22,959
That's why it was easy for
me to come up with words.
1121
00:49:22,989 --> 00:49:24,849
'cause I'm like, I'm
describing my wife over here.
1122
00:49:25,309 --> 00:49:25,759
Yeah.
1123
00:49:26,569 --> 00:49:30,049
Uh, Rosie, this has been such
a beautiful conversation.
1124
00:49:30,049 --> 00:49:31,819
Thank you for joining us and bringing.
1125
00:49:32,779 --> 00:49:34,969
A heart and honesty to the lifestyle.
1126
00:49:34,969 --> 00:49:35,809
Like I love that.
1127
00:49:36,019 --> 00:49:36,799
Absolutely.
1128
00:49:37,069 --> 00:49:43,159
Now you can find Rosie's work and
writing at thiskindagirl.co.uk and
1129
00:49:43,159 --> 00:49:46,639
we'll have that in our show notes as
well as anything else you can find.
1130
00:49:46,849 --> 00:49:46,909
Yeah.
1131
00:49:46,939 --> 00:49:50,149
Uh, all Rosie k this kind of
girl will be in our show notes.
1132
00:49:50,149 --> 00:49:51,229
You can find it there.
1133
00:49:51,679 --> 00:49:53,089
Uh, seriously, go check it out.
1134
00:49:53,149 --> 00:49:56,059
Her articles are raw, relatable,
and full of that spark.
1135
00:49:56,059 --> 00:49:59,029
That reminds us why we all do this.
1136
00:49:59,144 --> 00:50:00,079
Yes, yes, yes.
1137
00:50:00,079 --> 00:50:03,279
And if you love today's conversation,
don't forget to check out all of our
1138
00:50:03,279 --> 00:50:06,739
past episodes at beyond-monogamy.com.
1139
00:50:06,759 --> 00:50:09,969
You can also stream us every
Thursday at 1:00 PM and 6:00 PM
1140
00:50:09,969 --> 00:50:12,339
Central on full swap radio.com.
1141
00:50:12,399 --> 00:50:13,689
Oh, man, that was smooth.
1142
00:50:13,689 --> 00:50:15,609
We're on all the socials too.
1143
00:50:15,819 --> 00:50:22,209
We're on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok X,
formerly Twitter, Reddit, and YouTube.
1144
00:50:22,609 --> 00:50:25,659
And we have our, discord
community as well.
1145
00:50:25,659 --> 00:50:27,039
So be sure and check that out.
1146
00:50:27,044 --> 00:50:27,054
Yes,
1147
00:50:27,129 --> 00:50:27,429
yes.
1148
00:50:27,429 --> 00:50:29,619
So make sure you like,
subscribe, and leave us a review.
1149
00:50:29,619 --> 00:50:33,319
It helps these conversations
keep growing and going.
1150
00:50:33,319 --> 00:50:33,649
Yeah.
1151
00:50:34,249 --> 00:50:34,699
Yeah.
1152
00:50:34,849 --> 00:50:39,589
Rosie, thank you again for hanging out
with us today and for reminding everyone
1153
00:50:39,889 --> 00:50:46,009
that being this kind of girl means being
bold, open, and unapologetically yourself.
1154
00:50:46,159 --> 00:50:47,029
That is, thank you.
1155
00:50:47,034 --> 00:50:47,564
Incredible.
1156
00:50:47,654 --> 00:50:48,124
Thank you.
1157
00:50:48,809 --> 00:50:50,479
It's a reminder for all of us.
1158
00:50:50,629 --> 00:50:54,949
And with that, thank you all for listening
and we will see you guys next week.
1159
00:50:54,949 --> 00:50:55,429
Bye.
00:00:00,050 --> 00:00:02,390
Hello and welcome to Beyond Monogamy.
2
00:00:02,390 --> 00:00:02,990
I'm Adam.
3
00:00:02,995 --> 00:00:03,775
And I'm Pris.
4
00:00:04,069 --> 00:00:08,180
And today we've got someone truly special
joining us all the way from the uk.
5
00:00:08,390 --> 00:00:13,520
She's a writer, educator, and advocate for
ethical non-monogamy, open relationships,
6
00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:16,370
and living life on your own terms.
7
00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:23,110
We're talking to the amazing Rosie K,
the voice behind thiskindofgirl.co.uk,
8
00:00:23,389 --> 00:00:26,959
one of the UK's most honest
and empowering lifestyle blogs.
9
00:00:27,515 --> 00:00:32,675
Rosie writes about everything from open
love to sex, positivity, confidence
10
00:00:32,675 --> 00:00:36,815
and personal growth, all through the
witty, smart, and very British lens.
11
00:00:36,815 --> 00:00:37,595
We adore.
12
00:00:38,255 --> 00:00:38,765
That's right.
13
00:00:38,765 --> 00:00:42,695
We've been following Rosie's work
for a while now, and we love how she
14
00:00:42,695 --> 00:00:47,225
talks about non-monogamy, not as a
trend, but as real human experiences.
15
00:00:47,555 --> 00:00:50,975
Messy, beautiful, emotional,
and freeing all at once.
16
00:00:51,695 --> 00:00:55,445
So grab your tea or your favorite
toy, no judgment, because this
17
00:00:55,445 --> 00:00:58,745
is going to be a thoughtful,
sexy, and inspiring conversation.
18
00:00:58,775 --> 00:00:59,435
That's right.
19
00:00:59,435 --> 00:01:01,505
So welcome to the show, Rosie.
20
00:01:01,565 --> 00:01:02,765
We appreciate you coming.
21
00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:05,450
Thank you very much for having me.
22
00:01:06,140 --> 00:01:09,595
Um, I didn't realize that my
writing had such a British spin
23
00:01:09,595 --> 00:01:11,065
on it, but I suppose it does.
24
00:01:11,125 --> 00:01:11,305
It
25
00:01:11,305 --> 00:01:11,845
does.
26
00:01:11,845 --> 00:01:14,454
Well, you know, just a little, just
a little bit, just a little bit.
27
00:01:14,545 --> 00:01:17,009
When we're when we're not over
there, that's all we know, but
28
00:01:17,009 --> 00:01:19,860
you know, we, we, uh, we have
been following you for some time.
29
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We love what you you know, what
we've seen in, uh, all of the clips.
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We've read some of your blog.
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You're, I, we really are.
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Thank you, uh, kind of, kind of fanning
out here 'cause it's, it's really
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cool that you were able to join us
and technology has let this happen.
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You didn't even have to fly over here.
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00:01:37,609 --> 00:01:38,869
So we appreciate that.
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Now, you know, I, before we get started
with all of this, I just, if we could
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get the cribs notes on, just how you
came to be you know, non-monogamous
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00:01:50,399 --> 00:01:52,920
and how you came to reach this point.
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00:01:53,879 --> 00:01:54,449
Okay.
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00:01:54,969 --> 00:01:58,649
So I've always believed I've
always been a bisexual woman.
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Um, when, when I was a teenager
I had gay friends, both male and
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female, and I, I felt very kind
of comfortable within that kind of
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like, alternative space, if you like.
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00:02:11,769 --> 00:02:11,779
Yeah.
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00:02:11,959 --> 00:02:15,844
Um, and I kind of realized
that I was bisexual.
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00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:17,614
Maybe I was like 16 or 17.
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00:02:17,974 --> 00:02:21,514
And so it's something which
has always been part of me.
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And then when I started to get into
relationships when I was older, it
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was something which she was always, I
didn't want to have to choose between
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00:02:30,514 --> 00:02:33,814
a monogamous relationship with a
man or getting to be with a woman.
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00:02:33,814 --> 00:02:35,614
I didn't wanna cheat on a
partner, but I didn't know how
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00:02:35,614 --> 00:02:36,604
to kind of like express it.
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00:02:36,604 --> 00:02:38,044
So it just kinda like sat with me.
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And then in my early twenties, I was
in a relationship with a man and I
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said to him, look, I'm bisexual and.
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But I don't wanna cheat on you, but
I don't know what I can do with this.
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00:02:51,625 --> 00:02:53,454
Like, how, how can I be me?
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But also have you, um,
he was older than me.
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He was very, um, very much more
sexually experienced than me.
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00:03:00,635 --> 00:03:03,635
Uh, I just moved to London at
the, at this time, so I was like,
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you know, in, in this big city.
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And he suggested, you know, having a
threesome, going to a swingers club.
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It was something he'd done before and
I kind of like that seemed to fit,
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but I. Although this did provide an
answer, I was absolutely terrified.
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The thought of going to a swingers club.
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And I remember I sat there on the
bed as so many of us have gone and
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went, I'm never go to a swinging club.
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I'd be far too jealous I could
never see with another woman.
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Yeah.
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You know?
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But at the same time, I had this
desire in me to explore with women,
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to to, to form my own kind, like
explore my sexuality and, and see
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what that could be like for me.
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So, although I would say I was
70% terrified, I was also the
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remaining percent was curious.
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00:03:51,260 --> 00:03:55,040
So that's how I kind of like came
to my ethical non monomy journey.
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Kind of like started, um.
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And it is just kinda
like grown from there.
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And I've, since then I've had
the pleasure of being in many, a
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different type of relationship.
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00:04:05,134 --> 00:04:09,695
I have been in open relationships where
it wasn't open for me, it was open
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for my partner and he was a bisexual
guy, so he would go off and meet with
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couples and Gaia like guys and stuff.
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00:04:15,635 --> 00:04:15,694
Yeah.
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00:04:16,385 --> 00:04:18,094
And I gave my consent.
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I've been in relationships with women.
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00:04:20,284 --> 00:04:24,184
I've been in subdominant relationships
where I've been the dominant woman.
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00:04:24,545 --> 00:04:27,785
Yeah, it, I've been in polyamorous
relationships just because I
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wanted to see what it was like.
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00:04:28,715 --> 00:04:31,715
So I've had a little
taste of all these types.
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00:04:31,715 --> 00:04:33,485
You've had a relationship buffet.
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I like that.
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Yeah.
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I have, I have.
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00:04:35,375 --> 00:04:40,745
Um, and it's been great and like
I've also been a single woman in the
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lifestyle because again, that's a
completely different experience to
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to, to being, you know, in a couple.
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00:04:46,475 --> 00:04:51,330
So yeah, I feel very lucky about
all these experiences I've had and.
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Mean, there's a lot of stigma
attached to women who've had lots
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of relationships or lots of casual
sex, but it's taught me so much.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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And really opened my eyes.
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Yeah, that's Bring it
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that's the fun part.
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That's the fun part.
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Right?
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That's the fun part.
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We got into the lifestyle for
the same kind of same reasons.
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I'm bisexual and so I was never,
um, in my culture, Latinas
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we're not, my parents raised me.
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You don't date your same gender.
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Mm-hmm.
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And it's not something that, you
know, it's very religious driven,
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old school mentality
of thinking mentality.
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So I kept that in for many years.
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Got married to men.
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This is my third marriage.
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Um, and he,
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this one's gonna stick, this one's
gonna stick, this one's gonna work.
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You know?
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And so yeah, the lifestyle
was letting me expand that and
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actually embrace my bisexuality.
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And I think that's the one fun
part that I love and that I
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00:05:47,260 --> 00:05:48,820
can connect with you on that.
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Like, that's exactly what's the fun part?
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We did poly, but we
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00:05:51,790 --> 00:05:54,840
know we did poly for five years
and that's kind of where we
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our thinking kind of changes.
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00:05:57,180 --> 00:05:59,220
I am, uh, more poly oriented.
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I, I like the relationship aspect,
the connection in, in that.
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Obviously I love every sexual aspect
of it, but, uh, that's a given for me.
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Mm-hmm.
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00:06:09,810 --> 00:06:09,970
But.
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I also really like the
relationship portion of it.
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Mm-hmm.
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And that's where Pris really
struggled was being able to kind
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of let go and say, okay, it's okay.
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Uh, yeah.
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That, that we do things separate from
each other and that sort of thing.
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So, and, but she's come
a long way as well.
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And, and she's always learning new.
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We're all learning new things
really through our experiences.
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So it's a lot of fun.
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But this isn't about us.
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Stop talking about us.
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Stop it.
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Rosie, I, I, I'm gonna, I'm
gonna just dive right in.
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Can you tell us about thiskindofgirl?
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Uh, what made you start writing so openly
about non-monogamy and relationships?
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Yeah.
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Okay, so, first of all, the name,
thiskindofgirl, it came about
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because I when we had COVID and it
was the first like, wave of COVID
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and everything was locked down.
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My job at the time, my, my regular job, I
worked in hospitality and we, you know, we
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couldn't work from home because everything
was shut down, all the restaurants.
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So I was at home and I was, doing
the online dating and kind of
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like, because I was reason recently
single at that, that point.
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And I was like, what am I gonna do?
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I'm gonna look online.
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And I remember talking to somebody
and I was trying to describe the
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type of woman that I am, that I
was bisexual, that I was a bit of a
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free spirit, not your average woman.
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And I said, I was that kind of girl.
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And that's kind of like stuck
that, that phrase stuck in my mind.
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I dunno what happened to the conversation.
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Probably lost interest, but, you
know, that stuck in my mind and.
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When I, I've been thinking about wanting
to share my experience because I'd had
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all these experiences of, of being at the
Swinger Clubs in London and it's very much
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a kind of like an international crowd.
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'cause you get so many people there,
tourists on holidays and couples and
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it's, you can be anyone you want to
be, have sex with anyone you want
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to, you know, that's, for me, that's
the beauty of, of such a big city.
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And I'd had all these experiences,
I'd not been able to talk to
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any of my friends about it.
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And it was all like bubbling away inside
me and I wanted an outlet for that.
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And also I thought back to when I first
started in the lifestyle, I was in
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my early twenties, I was very young.
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There was no help online.
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These are days before influencers, before
social media got message, there was a
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blog I found written from a US based
couple who were probably in their fifties.
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You know, I couldn't
relate to those people.
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I didn't understand the
language, the terminology.
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They didn't look like me.
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They didn't sound like me.
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And I thought, you know what?
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I have got such a story to
tell, and I didn't want anybody
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else struggling like I did.
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And I thought there must be
other young women out there
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who are curious about this.
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So I just, that's how it started.
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And I just sat at my kitchen
table during COVID and I just
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started writing and I realized it
felt so cathartic to get it out.
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And I was like, I loved it.
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00:09:06,945 --> 00:09:12,045
I loved how handed I could be,
and finally I could just share all
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these things that had happened.
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Yeah.
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And that, that's how it started.
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And it's just like slowly
grown from there really.
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Yeah.
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So COVID was the aha moment.
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Yeah.
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00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:25,185
And, and it was for a
lot, for a lot of people.
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Um, yeah, I think so.
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00:09:26,655 --> 00:09:27,015
Yeah.
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00:09:27,465 --> 00:09:31,755
Um, how has the UK community responded
compared to what you see globally?
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00:09:32,835 --> 00:09:37,635
To be honest the UK community have
the UK community don't realize how
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lucky they are, I believe because we
live on a tiny island and if you wanna
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drive somewhere, like maybe it's two
or three hours is far for people here.
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And there are swinger
clubs in most major towns.
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00:09:51,135 --> 00:09:55,065
And there's a pretty, for me,
there's a pretty, you know, major
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00:09:55,065 --> 00:09:57,765
cities, you're gonna find a swing
club, you're gonna find people.
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00:09:57,975 --> 00:10:01,215
There's a lot going on, I believe,
compared to other countries.
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00:10:01,485 --> 00:10:04,155
Um, you don't have to get on a
plane and fly to a different state.
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00:10:04,485 --> 00:10:06,855
Um, so I believe people
have got it pretty good.
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00:10:06,855 --> 00:10:10,035
And also I think because people.
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00:10:11,115 --> 00:10:15,735
In the uk we have a luxury where we can
be pretty much whoever we want to be.
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00:10:15,885 --> 00:10:18,915
We don't have as many religious
constraints as what other countries
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00:10:18,915 --> 00:10:20,655
do, as other communities do.
220
00:10:20,925 --> 00:10:23,625
So I believe we're on a
pretty juicy position.
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00:10:23,655 --> 00:10:28,515
You know, we can go, we can be a
50-year-old man and go down the
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00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:30,075
street in stockings and suspenders.
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00:10:30,075 --> 00:10:33,405
I've seen this myself, you know, in
London at two o'clock in the afternoon.
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And you can do that around
soho and nobody cares.
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00:10:36,165 --> 00:10:37,070
Yeah, nobody cares.
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00:10:37,365 --> 00:10:41,115
You know, you may get a few looks,
but essentially it offers you the, you
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00:10:41,115 --> 00:10:42,345
know, the freedom you don't wanna get.
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00:10:42,825 --> 00:10:48,645
You may get politely reprimanded by a
police officer, but essentially what I'm
229
00:10:48,645 --> 00:10:50,295
saying is you can be who you want to be.
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00:10:50,295 --> 00:10:50,355
Yeah.
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00:10:50,385 --> 00:10:54,595
And that is the beauty of,
of I think living in the uk.
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00:10:55,015 --> 00:10:58,980
But I think the sets of problems
that people have if you like, or
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00:10:58,980 --> 00:11:01,650
the obstacles are so different.
234
00:11:01,830 --> 00:11:01,890
Yeah.
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00:11:02,070 --> 00:11:05,850
But I have been pretty, pretty well
received, I would say, but also
236
00:11:05,850 --> 00:11:12,570
there's like quite a big sudden
like, uh, emergence of polyamorous
237
00:11:12,570 --> 00:11:16,860
relationships in the media over here in
TV shows, in newspapers, in magazines.
238
00:11:17,070 --> 00:11:20,730
People are suddenly realizing that
there's a whole load of people out
239
00:11:20,730 --> 00:11:24,360
there who are potentially their
next door neighbors who are into
240
00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:26,070
this, who are living alternatively.
241
00:11:26,070 --> 00:11:28,050
So it's not as taboo as it used to be.
242
00:11:28,140 --> 00:11:28,395
Yeah.
243
00:11:28,395 --> 00:11:29,910
It's become mainstream, really.
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00:11:29,910 --> 00:11:33,450
And I think definitely, I think
the, uh, the pandemic lockdown
245
00:11:33,450 --> 00:11:34,500
had a lot to do with that.
246
00:11:34,500 --> 00:11:38,490
It seems like everybody was home,
everybody was bored and they were
247
00:11:38,490 --> 00:11:42,270
searching for new things online
and they started seeing things and
248
00:11:42,270 --> 00:11:44,370
went, oh, let's give this a shot.
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00:11:44,700 --> 00:11:44,760
Yeah.
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00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:47,490
I think a lot of the people
that we talked to have.
251
00:11:48,075 --> 00:11:51,195
They started during the pandemic,
or right after the pandemic.
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00:11:51,195 --> 00:11:51,285
Yeah.
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00:11:51,315 --> 00:11:52,125
Which is interesting.
254
00:11:52,515 --> 00:11:56,475
Now, you know what I love about this is
that, you know, we've talked to a lot of
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00:11:56,475 --> 00:12:02,785
people in our state, in, in our country
but I have personally wondered about
256
00:12:02,785 --> 00:12:06,105
other countries and stereotypes, Rosie.
257
00:12:06,105 --> 00:12:06,195
Mm-hmm.
258
00:12:06,435 --> 00:12:08,020
Let's talk stereotypes because mm-hmm.
259
00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:10,485
Uh, you know, we deal with them here.
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00:12:10,485 --> 00:12:13,275
And I'm just curious, you know,
you've written beautifully about the
261
00:12:13,275 --> 00:12:16,065
misconceptions around open relationships.
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00:12:16,095 --> 00:12:16,185
Mm-hmm.
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00:12:16,425 --> 00:12:19,515
What are the biggest myths
you still hear all the time?
264
00:12:20,940 --> 00:12:25,170
That swinging is for
middleclass couples in suburbia.
265
00:12:25,560 --> 00:12:30,360
That swinging is something you do when you
are, you know, you've been married for 20,
266
00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:32,370
30 years and you are bored of each other.
267
00:12:32,730 --> 00:12:38,040
Or swinging is something that, I don't
know whether you have it in the States,
268
00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:42,690
but like, there's certain symbols people
have like pamper grass outside the house
269
00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:45,240
or like upside down Pineapples in windows.
270
00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:45,300
Yeah.
271
00:12:45,330 --> 00:12:50,370
Or certain, certain, like gone garden
ornaments or certain decorations or drives
272
00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:55,290
a certain type of car or, and people kind
of associate it with like this, almost
273
00:12:55,290 --> 00:13:00,540
like cigar smoking 1980s medallion.
274
00:13:00,715 --> 00:13:01,380
But, but they do.
275
00:13:01,380 --> 00:13:04,440
And I've heard people say, oh, that's
something those types of people do, you
276
00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:06,810
know, like wife swapping keys in bowls.
277
00:13:06,845 --> 00:13:07,135
Yeah.
278
00:13:07,135 --> 00:13:08,975
Leisure suit, Larry kind of Yeah.
279
00:13:08,975 --> 00:13:10,015
Scuzzy you know.
280
00:13:10,015 --> 00:13:10,295
Yeah.
281
00:13:10,500 --> 00:13:10,740
Yeah.
282
00:13:10,740 --> 00:13:16,170
And, and uh, that, that's what people
kind of associate with the word swinger.
283
00:13:16,530 --> 00:13:20,700
And it's hard for people to kinda like,
understand that you can be a swinger,
284
00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:27,400
but you can also be a, mid twenties
single professional who enjoys going
285
00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:29,050
to clubs, who enjoys meeting people.
286
00:13:29,055 --> 00:13:32,110
But it's also, you know, dating
ethically, non-monogamous and,
287
00:13:32,110 --> 00:13:34,120
and doing all the things you
don't have to fit into that mold.
288
00:13:34,510 --> 00:13:34,750
Yeah.
289
00:13:34,750 --> 00:13:35,440
So that's.
290
00:13:36,085 --> 00:13:39,565
I would say that is the main kind of
like stereotype that it's for older,
291
00:13:39,625 --> 00:13:44,875
disgruntled, dissatisfied, middle
class, well wealthy as well as well.
292
00:13:44,875 --> 00:13:48,145
And, and also I, I don't know whether
you guys have touched on this, but like
293
00:13:48,145 --> 00:13:50,035
people associate it with old white people.
294
00:13:50,665 --> 00:13:51,175
Yes.
295
00:13:51,355 --> 00:13:51,805
It's been,
296
00:13:52,675 --> 00:13:53,875
it's been de it's been mentioned before.
297
00:13:53,925 --> 00:13:54,165
Yeah.
298
00:13:54,255 --> 00:13:59,865
And, and, and it is, and that's usually
what where we actually found ourselves
299
00:13:59,865 --> 00:14:06,345
is when we were first starting, it was
a lot of older, rich, white people.
300
00:14:06,855 --> 00:14:10,925
Um, and now the culture has
definitely changed from then to now.
301
00:14:10,985 --> 00:14:11,435
It has.
302
00:14:11,465 --> 00:14:15,485
And we've, we've even done episodes on,
on how expensive the lifestyle can be.
303
00:14:15,725 --> 00:14:16,055
Oh yeah.
304
00:14:16,085 --> 00:14:18,275
And you know, you really
have to ask yourself.
305
00:14:19,355 --> 00:14:24,185
If it's a, you know, obviously
you don't need money to enjoy
306
00:14:24,525 --> 00:14:28,365
non-monogamy and you don't need money
to enjoy swinging, but it helps.
307
00:14:28,425 --> 00:14:28,695
It does.
308
00:14:28,695 --> 00:14:28,845
Yes.
309
00:14:30,130 --> 00:14:30,420
Yeah.
310
00:14:30,420 --> 00:14:33,645
I guess now talking about that,
do you think the culture and the
311
00:14:33,645 --> 00:14:37,215
media that, that they've shaped
the narrative around polyamory and
312
00:14:37,215 --> 00:14:39,465
swinging because of all of this?
313
00:14:39,465 --> 00:14:41,415
Like, you know, how we
always stereotype it.
314
00:14:41,925 --> 00:14:43,815
Do you think like social
media has helped that?
315
00:14:44,805 --> 00:14:47,205
Um, I think it's helping change views.
316
00:14:47,305 --> 00:14:52,805
I think now because with the rise of the
influencer although I, I don't view my,
317
00:14:52,865 --> 00:14:54,455
I don't class myself as an influencer.
318
00:14:54,455 --> 00:14:56,255
I probably am, but I never set out to be.
319
00:14:56,585 --> 00:14:57,305
But there's certainly,
320
00:14:57,305 --> 00:14:58,565
you're totally an influencer.
321
00:15:00,545 --> 00:15:04,525
There are polyamory influencers and,
and different couples and people who
322
00:15:04,525 --> 00:15:10,435
I've met and met who have gone on,
you know, with within the lifestyle.
323
00:15:10,435 --> 00:15:11,635
I'm like, oh yeah, you do that.
324
00:15:12,115 --> 00:15:16,135
So they're kind of like changing the
narrative and showing people that it's
325
00:15:16,135 --> 00:15:21,895
younger people, it's people with kids,
it's people who have, regular kind of
326
00:15:21,895 --> 00:15:23,935
nine to five jobs who also do this.
327
00:15:23,935 --> 00:15:25,315
They're very happily married.
328
00:15:25,645 --> 00:15:29,215
And I think it's kind of like it narrative
is changing, especially with shows.
329
00:15:29,405 --> 00:15:33,905
There's been a show on channel four,
open House, great sex experiment,
330
00:15:33,905 --> 00:15:35,765
which I have my own views on.
331
00:15:35,985 --> 00:15:39,735
But again, a lot of people from
who, who were part of that were
332
00:15:39,945 --> 00:15:44,775
kind of 40 and under, which is still
class as young in, in lifestyle.
333
00:15:45,105 --> 00:15:47,475
But I think, you know, views are changing.
334
00:15:47,835 --> 00:15:48,585
Just slowly.
335
00:15:49,065 --> 00:15:50,055
Yeah, for sure.
336
00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:50,655
It's coming.
337
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:51,330
It's coming.
338
00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:52,050
It's happening.
339
00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:52,970
Yeah, it's coming.
340
00:15:53,355 --> 00:15:57,885
Have you noticed differences between how
men and women are judged for non-monogamy?
341
00:15:59,805 --> 00:16:00,795
Absolutely.
342
00:16:01,335 --> 00:16:03,855
But also I think these days.
343
00:16:05,205 --> 00:16:09,585
Men don't, you don't
hear it as much anymore.
344
00:16:09,585 --> 00:16:14,205
Like, the single go get a women, like
how I have been the single sexually
345
00:16:14,205 --> 00:16:17,985
liberated go getting woman who is
say, you know, she will do whatever
346
00:16:17,985 --> 00:16:21,015
she wants to do on her terms with
whoever she wants to do it with.
347
00:16:21,015 --> 00:16:26,355
And I haven't faced as much negativity
for that as maybe I would've done
348
00:16:26,355 --> 00:16:28,305
10 years ago or 15 years ago.
349
00:16:28,605 --> 00:16:31,425
Maybe that's also because I
remove myself from an environment
350
00:16:31,425 --> 00:16:33,135
where I would face negativity.
351
00:16:33,135 --> 00:16:36,285
Mm. If you surround yourself with
people who are gonna cheer you on in
352
00:16:36,285 --> 00:16:39,885
an environment which cheers you on,
then you're probably not gonna get it.
353
00:16:40,195 --> 00:16:45,205
But yeah, you know, there is al you
know, people are always gonna be negative
354
00:16:45,205 --> 00:16:51,115
about how single men and single women
enjoy the lifestyle, not involved.
355
00:16:51,535 --> 00:16:56,995
One thing I see time and time again
is single guys are, I think, unfairly
356
00:16:56,995 --> 00:17:01,525
stigmatized when they wanna enjoy the
lifestyle or, you know, go to a swingers
357
00:17:01,525 --> 00:17:03,385
club and they get labeled straight away.
358
00:17:03,385 --> 00:17:06,445
Or maybe they're going on a date
with somebody and they share that
359
00:17:06,445 --> 00:17:07,735
they've been to a swingers club.
360
00:17:07,735 --> 00:17:12,030
They're immediately tarnished
with this brush of, of being this
361
00:17:12,030 --> 00:17:14,100
like, disgusting sex obsessed,
362
00:17:15,150 --> 00:17:15,480
yeah.
363
00:17:15,705 --> 00:17:16,950
And, and that, that's not fair.
364
00:17:16,950 --> 00:17:21,600
So I think both sexes do experience
it, but I think there's not as much.
365
00:17:21,900 --> 00:17:25,050
Well, I hope there's not as
much negativity directed at,
366
00:17:25,050 --> 00:17:26,520
at, at single women anymore.
367
00:17:27,360 --> 00:17:27,810
Yeah.
368
00:17:27,815 --> 00:17:31,200
I think, I mean, yeah, we have a lot
of single women friends and they,
369
00:17:31,290 --> 00:17:33,450
I think they're more lusted
after than anything else.
370
00:17:33,450 --> 00:17:34,465
They think they're more lusted after.
371
00:17:34,465 --> 00:17:34,475
Yeah.
372
00:17:35,050 --> 00:17:37,270
And it's, we try to keep.
373
00:17:38,295 --> 00:17:40,365
We, whenever we go out with
them, we try to keep them safe
374
00:17:40,365 --> 00:17:44,055
and whatever, but it is, it is a
stigma sometimes I think, for both.
375
00:17:44,205 --> 00:17:44,565
Both.
376
00:17:44,565 --> 00:17:46,410
Especially the men, the single men.
377
00:17:46,410 --> 00:17:46,420
Yeah.
378
00:17:46,485 --> 00:17:48,865
They do get pointed out sometimes.
379
00:17:49,345 --> 00:17:50,060
Yeah, definitely.
380
00:17:50,530 --> 00:17:50,820
Yeah.
381
00:17:50,935 --> 00:17:51,985
It's just that little world.
382
00:17:52,225 --> 00:17:53,335
It is unfortunate.
383
00:17:53,515 --> 00:17:54,565
It is unfortunate.
384
00:17:56,005 --> 00:17:59,815
Now, you talk a lot about self-awareness
and emotional honesty in your blog.
385
00:17:59,815 --> 00:18:00,415
What's, mm-hmm.
386
00:18:00,655 --> 00:18:05,005
The biggest lesson that you've learned
about yourself through this lifestyle?
387
00:18:05,605 --> 00:18:11,965
I think it was having the ability or
the capacity to give my consent without
388
00:18:11,965 --> 00:18:13,705
needing to be actively involved.
389
00:18:14,335 --> 00:18:17,845
This was huge for me because up until,
and this wasn't that long ago, it was
390
00:18:17,845 --> 00:18:22,795
only a few years ago, up until that point,
I'd always been in relationships where
391
00:18:22,795 --> 00:18:24,565
we would go to a swingers club together.
392
00:18:24,565 --> 00:18:28,315
We'd meet a a, a woman together,
we'd meet a guy together, everything
393
00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:31,795
was done within the same room, and
I was absolutely fine with that.
394
00:18:31,795 --> 00:18:36,385
I would do whatever with
who, you know, and I was very
395
00:18:36,385 --> 00:18:38,305
open-minded, whatever scenario.
396
00:18:38,575 --> 00:18:41,395
But then when my partner at the
time turned around to me and
397
00:18:41,395 --> 00:18:43,645
said, look, yes, we're swingers.
398
00:18:44,095 --> 00:18:50,035
Yes, you are my dominant, but
I also want to be in an open
399
00:18:50,035 --> 00:18:54,835
relationship where I go and meet
with gay couples and other couples.
400
00:18:56,035 --> 00:19:01,430
And I knew there wasn't a part, there
wasn't a role for me in that, you know.
401
00:19:02,755 --> 00:19:05,725
It was really hard, and I had
to, I was absolutely terrified.
402
00:19:05,725 --> 00:19:09,685
I felt like I'd gone back 10 years, you
know, back to where I was, and I was,
403
00:19:09,685 --> 00:19:14,335
again, that woman sat on the bed going, I
don't know if I can allow this to happen.
404
00:19:14,335 --> 00:19:17,635
I dunno if I can give my co I
don't know if this is right.
405
00:19:17,635 --> 00:19:17,905
You know?
406
00:19:17,905 --> 00:19:20,215
And I had to, I was shit scared, you know?
407
00:19:20,215 --> 00:19:24,175
I was terrified again,
and I felt like a fraud.
408
00:19:24,175 --> 00:19:25,795
I felt like, yeah, but you're Rosie kay.
409
00:19:25,795 --> 00:19:27,445
You teach me plus to do
this, you should know.
410
00:19:27,445 --> 00:19:28,975
You should be better, you know?
411
00:19:28,975 --> 00:19:34,980
And I beat myself up about it for, you
know, a week or so, and I, I struggled.
412
00:19:35,310 --> 00:19:37,680
And then I came to him and I
said, look, I'm really, really
413
00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:40,980
frightened of what could happen
because I'm scared of losing you.
414
00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:45,030
I'm scared of not being good enough
for you, of you finding something.
415
00:19:46,005 --> 00:19:49,335
These are the people that I can't
give you, but I love you and I
416
00:19:49,335 --> 00:19:54,225
love the fact that we have this
bizarre at times relationship.
417
00:19:54,255 --> 00:19:56,085
'cause he was also like
20 years older than me.
418
00:19:56,085 --> 00:19:57,615
So it was a lot going on there.
419
00:19:58,205 --> 00:19:58,625
Yeah.
420
00:19:59,075 --> 00:20:01,145
Uh, but I loved it
'cause it was so bizarre.
421
00:20:01,475 --> 00:20:05,885
And I loved that he could be himself
around me and he'd come to me and gone,
422
00:20:05,885 --> 00:20:07,235
look, I really wanna experience this.
423
00:20:07,235 --> 00:20:09,635
So I said, okay we don't know till we try.
424
00:20:10,325 --> 00:20:13,595
So he went off 'cause
he was very bisexual.
425
00:20:13,955 --> 00:20:17,375
He went off to go and do his
thing with his friends, et cetera.
426
00:20:18,605 --> 00:20:22,865
And for the first hour or so,
I was absolutely terrified.
427
00:20:22,865 --> 00:20:24,065
I was like anxious.
428
00:20:24,065 --> 00:20:26,165
I was checking my phone.
429
00:20:26,165 --> 00:20:26,945
I couldn't relax.
430
00:20:26,945 --> 00:20:29,945
But then I kind of like got
into it and I was like, okay.
431
00:20:29,945 --> 00:20:31,175
He'll come home to me.
432
00:20:31,715 --> 00:20:32,285
Oh well.
433
00:20:32,345 --> 00:20:36,155
And when he came through the
door, he was so ecstatic.
434
00:20:36,785 --> 00:20:39,455
Because he'd gone and had this
experience that was completely
435
00:20:39,455 --> 00:20:41,735
separate to me, which was indulgent.
436
00:20:42,755 --> 00:20:48,665
And he'd come home and I was there to
like, support him and, and listen to it.
437
00:20:48,725 --> 00:20:52,565
And it didn't actually affect us at all.
438
00:20:52,565 --> 00:20:54,755
It just made us even stronger.
439
00:20:54,815 --> 00:20:57,485
And yeah, it was brilliant.
440
00:20:57,485 --> 00:21:00,695
And I was like, oh my
God, how is this possible?
441
00:21:01,115 --> 00:21:01,955
But it was brilliant.
442
00:21:02,145 --> 00:21:06,795
And also I realized that one of the main
things, I'm gonna be very blunt, one of
443
00:21:06,795 --> 00:21:10,455
the main things that he got from that,
which I obviously don't have, is a cock.
444
00:21:10,665 --> 00:21:13,065
Like, so I can't compete with that.
445
00:21:13,365 --> 00:21:15,315
That's a physical thing that he wants.
446
00:21:15,315 --> 00:21:18,315
It's a physical act that
they're not my competition.
447
00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:19,430
Right.
448
00:21:19,435 --> 00:21:19,695
Right.
449
00:21:19,995 --> 00:21:22,275
Like that's separate to me.
450
00:21:22,305 --> 00:21:25,695
And even when he went to play
with the couples, like the
451
00:21:25,695 --> 00:21:26,730
male female couples mm-hmm.
452
00:21:26,895 --> 00:21:30,160
Like again, they've got
their own thing going on.
453
00:21:31,095 --> 00:21:32,655
They're not in competition with me.
454
00:21:32,925 --> 00:21:34,305
I don't have to compete with them.
455
00:21:34,635 --> 00:21:35,715
Go and do your thing.
456
00:21:36,495 --> 00:21:37,335
And it was scary.
457
00:21:37,335 --> 00:21:42,375
But that was probably the biggest
eyeopener for me because I've then gone
458
00:21:42,375 --> 00:21:46,185
on to teach other couples how to do it.
459
00:21:46,875 --> 00:21:47,175
Yeah.
460
00:21:47,175 --> 00:21:47,265
Like
461
00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:48,675
how, how you can, yeah.
462
00:21:48,735 --> 00:21:49,005
You know,
463
00:21:49,335 --> 00:21:51,135
how you can navigate that through that.
464
00:21:51,195 --> 00:21:51,435
Yeah.
465
00:21:51,435 --> 00:21:51,500
Through that.
466
00:21:51,505 --> 00:21:57,165
Like jel-, I mean, I call it jealousy, but
it is just, it's maybe more than jealousy.
467
00:21:57,165 --> 00:21:59,145
It's more just uncomfortable feelings.
468
00:21:59,150 --> 00:21:59,450
Feelings.
469
00:21:59,455 --> 00:22:04,064
'cause sometimes you, you have to
just find, find a way to navigate it.
470
00:22:04,094 --> 00:22:04,514
Yeah.
471
00:22:04,574 --> 00:22:07,844
Uh, I love the fact that he was
excited to come tell you about it.
472
00:22:07,915 --> 00:22:11,935
That, that to me says that
even though you weren't there.
473
00:22:12,685 --> 00:22:13,735
You were there.
474
00:22:13,764 --> 00:22:13,945
Yeah.
475
00:22:13,945 --> 00:22:14,665
You know what I mean?
476
00:22:14,665 --> 00:22:14,995
Like
477
00:22:15,030 --> 00:22:15,320
Yeah.
478
00:22:15,655 --> 00:22:15,805
Yeah.
479
00:22:15,805 --> 00:22:17,815
He was very excited to
come share it with you.
480
00:22:17,815 --> 00:22:21,804
And, and those are experiences that
we've talked about as well, where, you
481
00:22:21,804 --> 00:22:25,854
know, I I'm not bisexual, but me going
off and, and doing my own thing and then
482
00:22:25,854 --> 00:22:29,724
coming back and being able to share it
with her, you know, I'm not hiding it.
483
00:22:29,724 --> 00:22:32,244
I'm not going, well, I don't
want to talk about it with you.
484
00:22:32,544 --> 00:22:35,934
Uh, she's my best friend, so obviously
I, I would wanna share that with her.
485
00:22:35,934 --> 00:22:38,514
But also, also, like she said,
um, like you said, you don't
486
00:22:38,514 --> 00:22:39,894
have, you don't have a cock.
487
00:22:39,894 --> 00:22:41,874
You can't really share that.
488
00:22:41,874 --> 00:22:42,114
Right.
489
00:22:42,384 --> 00:22:44,364
So the bisexuality for me, yeah.
490
00:22:44,364 --> 00:22:45,594
He doesn't have a vagina.
491
00:22:45,594 --> 00:22:47,724
He can't, and yeah.
492
00:22:47,934 --> 00:22:50,334
It's like, go out and, and have that.
493
00:22:50,424 --> 00:22:54,744
Now I don't always share the same
compassion as he does for me as I do,
494
00:22:54,864 --> 00:22:56,484
you know, like it's not always the same.
495
00:22:56,484 --> 00:22:56,574
Mm-hmm.
496
00:22:56,814 --> 00:23:00,414
Because I'm still trying to
navigate through my mm-hmm.
497
00:23:00,714 --> 00:23:03,114
Insecurities and jealousy
and stuff like that.
498
00:23:03,119 --> 00:23:03,209
Mm-hmm.
499
00:23:03,209 --> 00:23:07,764
But I do love that you you write about
that and you help others express that
500
00:23:07,764 --> 00:23:09,415
and, you know, kind of find their way.
501
00:23:09,415 --> 00:23:09,504
Mm-hmm.
502
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:10,080
Um.
503
00:23:10,870 --> 00:23:15,280
I did wanna ask you, what's your advice
for someone who's just kind of starting to
504
00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:20,800
explore non-monogamy, who's feeling that
nervousness and unsure feelings and that
505
00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:24,009
uncomfortable feelings, like what do you,
what kind of advice could you give them?
506
00:23:24,580 --> 00:23:29,199
I think the first bit of advice or
the first point of call is remember
507
00:23:29,199 --> 00:23:33,179
that firstly everybody who's
you're meeting at a swing club,
508
00:23:33,179 --> 00:23:34,350
you'll meet us social, whatever.
509
00:23:34,350 --> 00:23:35,274
They've all been there.
510
00:23:35,294 --> 00:23:36,449
We all know what it's like.
511
00:23:36,449 --> 00:23:39,389
We all are shitting ourselves
inside at some point, you know?
512
00:23:39,389 --> 00:23:39,479
Right.
513
00:23:39,810 --> 00:23:45,179
We're all, we've all been absolutely
terrified, but at the same time, deeply
514
00:23:45,179 --> 00:23:49,330
curious and, really excited to get
started, but at the same time terrified.
515
00:23:49,360 --> 00:23:53,290
We all know what it's like and
sometimes when you are honest
516
00:23:53,290 --> 00:23:55,900
with people and you, you know, you
approach a couple and you say, look.
517
00:23:56,814 --> 00:24:00,294
I'm really excited to be here,
but I'm absolutely terrified
518
00:24:00,385 --> 00:24:01,715
of this, this, whatever.
519
00:24:02,195 --> 00:24:03,635
I'm really frightened
of what could happen.
520
00:24:03,665 --> 00:24:08,115
It just kinda like brings a
groundedness to, to that interaction
521
00:24:08,115 --> 00:24:09,495
because they can relate to that.
522
00:24:09,764 --> 00:24:12,105
And you're saying, look, I'm
actually quite vulnerable.
523
00:24:12,105 --> 00:24:13,305
I'm actually quite scared.
524
00:24:13,725 --> 00:24:15,764
This is what's going
through my mind right now.
525
00:24:16,335 --> 00:24:17,445
Have you been there too?
526
00:24:17,445 --> 00:24:20,985
And guarantee 100% of the
time they have been there too.
527
00:24:21,225 --> 00:24:22,425
And it's relatable.
528
00:24:22,725 --> 00:24:26,024
So that, you know, opening up with
that kind of conversation, but also
529
00:24:26,024 --> 00:24:30,674
understanding that, and I say this to
women especially time and time again,
530
00:24:30,705 --> 00:24:32,774
although women are not your competition.
531
00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:39,449
Insecurity and doubt and worry
and fear, it stems from you.
532
00:24:39,455 --> 00:24:39,735
Mm-hmm.
533
00:24:39,870 --> 00:24:42,479
Your insecurities are what feeds it.
534
00:24:42,689 --> 00:24:45,980
And when you realize that not
just in ethical NoMy, but in life.
535
00:24:46,220 --> 00:24:46,310
Yes.
536
00:24:46,310 --> 00:24:49,310
Once you realize that other women
are not your competition, you will
537
00:24:49,310 --> 00:24:51,830
have a much better life experience.
538
00:24:51,950 --> 00:24:52,040
Yes.
539
00:24:52,070 --> 00:24:55,070
Nevermind sexual experience
and also with men as well.
540
00:24:55,100 --> 00:24:59,600
I think it's different for men because
how we perceive a sexual encounters
541
00:24:59,750 --> 00:25:01,850
and encounters in swimming club is
different, but especially with women,
542
00:25:01,850 --> 00:25:05,510
like stop viewing all these women as
your competition or somebody who's gonna
543
00:25:05,510 --> 00:25:10,730
swoop in and take your man if you feel
instantly less because another woman
544
00:25:10,730 --> 00:25:15,050
you believe is more just by her being
there, the woman is not the problem.
545
00:25:15,350 --> 00:25:17,060
You are the problem.
546
00:25:17,090 --> 00:25:17,450
Yes.
547
00:25:18,650 --> 00:25:19,100
And that
548
00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:20,900
Rosie i, I love you.
549
00:25:21,110 --> 00:25:21,860
I just wanna say that.
550
00:25:22,190 --> 00:25:23,510
I just wanna get that
outta the way right now.
551
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:24,440
I love you.
552
00:25:24,500 --> 00:25:28,020
That is very true, and it's something
that a lot of women and I say women
553
00:25:28,020 --> 00:25:31,950
because, you know, I'm a woman, and so
a lot of women, especially when we get
554
00:25:31,950 --> 00:25:36,240
to this age of hormonal change, right?
555
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:39,180
I'm 47 and, and menopause has hit you.
556
00:25:39,360 --> 00:25:42,180
You, I feel like the insecurities
when you're teenagers.
557
00:25:42,655 --> 00:25:46,635
Hit even more, like you kind of
have this balance of back and forth
558
00:25:46,635 --> 00:25:50,585
and, you know, it doesn't, it doesn't
help that at times the lifestyle feels
559
00:25:50,585 --> 00:25:54,005
like, like school, like high school,
like adolescence all over again.
560
00:25:54,215 --> 00:25:54,375
Yes, yes.
561
00:25:54,665 --> 00:25:55,055
Absolutely.
562
00:25:55,055 --> 00:25:58,544
Um, I know when, when we first started,
I had a hard time in high school.
563
00:25:58,544 --> 00:26:04,694
Like, I, I wasn't great with the ladies,
you know, and so I missed out on a lot
564
00:26:04,694 --> 00:26:08,024
of opportunities and there was a lot of
things that I wanted to be able to enjoy
565
00:26:08,024 --> 00:26:12,445
that seemed like the stereotypical high
school and, and early college adventure
566
00:26:12,745 --> 00:26:14,304
that I did not get to take part in.
567
00:26:14,664 --> 00:26:19,854
Uh, so when we started in the lifestyle,
I had all sorts of insecurities because
568
00:26:19,854 --> 00:26:24,054
it was like, oh, well they just want
her because she's a beautiful woman and
569
00:26:24,054 --> 00:26:28,134
I'm getting sidestepped and nobody's
interested in me and what's wrong with me?
570
00:26:28,134 --> 00:26:33,340
And, you know, just all of these, uh,
internal issues and insecurities that
571
00:26:33,340 --> 00:26:34,989
I had with myself from high school.
572
00:26:35,069 --> 00:26:38,889
And I remember discussing it with her
and saying, you know, I just I don't like
573
00:26:38,889 --> 00:26:41,169
this feeling and I need to figure it out.
574
00:26:41,409 --> 00:26:46,929
2025, for those who are avid listeners
of our podcast, they realize that
575
00:26:46,929 --> 00:26:49,599
2025 is the year of confident Adam.
576
00:26:50,139 --> 00:26:57,099
And so, as of January 1st, 2025,
I said, I'm gonna be confident.
577
00:26:57,129 --> 00:27:00,369
I'm gonna walk in there and just
shake things up a little bit.
578
00:27:00,429 --> 00:27:04,719
And I will say, you know, the whole
fake it till you make it thing works
579
00:27:05,199 --> 00:27:08,169
because I faked it until I made it.
580
00:27:08,169 --> 00:27:13,179
And that doesn't apply to orgasms, by
the way, but I faked it and I made it.
581
00:27:13,179 --> 00:27:17,469
And I feel confident now, and I don't feel
like I'm stuck in that adolescence space.
582
00:27:17,589 --> 00:27:17,769
Yeah.
583
00:27:17,949 --> 00:27:21,639
Uh, you know, I just, I, I really
enjoyed that and that kind of ties
584
00:27:21,639 --> 00:27:23,079
into where I'm going with this.
585
00:27:23,450 --> 00:27:26,150
I know it was hard to see that there was a
light at the end of the tunnel there, but.
586
00:27:28,235 --> 00:27:29,825
I told a beautiful story there.
587
00:27:29,975 --> 00:27:30,335
You did.
588
00:27:30,425 --> 00:27:37,955
I like your writing because it blends this
education with a personal storytelling.
589
00:27:37,955 --> 00:27:41,225
I mean, even just talking to you
now, you're a great storyteller.
590
00:27:41,225 --> 00:27:41,885
I love it.
591
00:27:41,945 --> 00:27:42,125
Thank you.
592
00:27:42,485 --> 00:27:45,815
Now, my question to you is,
do you see yourself more as a
593
00:27:45,815 --> 00:27:48,965
writer, a teacher, or a guide
594
00:27:49,930 --> 00:27:52,150
or like all three, you know what I mean?
595
00:27:52,150 --> 00:27:55,870
Like do you I I, I know it's hard for
us to say, well, this is how I view
596
00:27:55,870 --> 00:28:02,590
myself without coming off as you know,
a. Elevated more than everybody else.
597
00:28:02,590 --> 00:28:03,940
None of us want to be like that.
598
00:28:03,940 --> 00:28:06,590
But if you had to place
something on yourself there,
599
00:28:06,590 --> 00:28:07,639
elevate yourself, girl.
600
00:28:07,639 --> 00:28:08,630
Elevate yourself.
601
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:09,320
That's right.
602
00:28:10,010 --> 00:28:13,700
Uh, so a writer, teacher or guide,
what I would say is that as this
603
00:28:13,700 --> 00:28:17,900
surprises many people, as somebody who
is naturally an introverted person, I'm
604
00:28:17,900 --> 00:28:22,880
very happy in my writing space because
I can shut myself away and I can do it.
605
00:28:22,940 --> 00:28:28,850
And I feel like I can just pour out my
heart and soul as I do onto the pages.
606
00:28:28,850 --> 00:28:30,510
And it's authentic and it's me.
607
00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:34,290
But that's because I'm an introverted
person and people don't always
608
00:28:34,290 --> 00:28:38,730
realize that because I'm also
somebody who is a coach and a guide.
609
00:28:39,120 --> 00:28:44,020
And I'm, I've somebody once said to me,
you are, you are kind of like a you are
610
00:28:44,020 --> 00:28:48,100
kind of a therapist, but you're more like
a self-help kind of like cheering people
611
00:28:48,100 --> 00:28:51,880
on and getting 'em to see a diff like a
self-improvement, which I, I, I kind of
612
00:28:52,060 --> 00:28:53,950
do as well because a lot of, well of.
613
00:28:54,475 --> 00:28:58,765
What I teach people is, has come
through my own mistakes and, and not
614
00:28:58,765 --> 00:29:01,555
wanting to live a certain way anymore.
615
00:29:01,765 --> 00:29:04,425
Yeah, I, I mean, I'm a
mix of, of all three.
616
00:29:04,725 --> 00:29:07,435
I'm also people's confidant as well.
617
00:29:07,435 --> 00:29:10,824
You know, people, couples open up
and they talk to me and, and single
618
00:29:10,824 --> 00:29:14,635
people, they talk to me about things
that they've never shared because I
619
00:29:14,635 --> 00:29:19,435
offer a non-judgmental space because
it's my job, you know, to listen.
620
00:29:19,655 --> 00:29:23,405
And yeah, I, I'm a mixture of all three.
621
00:29:23,910 --> 00:29:24,270
I love that.
622
00:29:24,550 --> 00:29:24,830
I love that.
623
00:29:25,590 --> 00:29:27,785
I love being all three, you know?
624
00:29:27,785 --> 00:29:27,795
Yeah.
625
00:29:27,815 --> 00:29:28,475
It's brilliant.
626
00:29:28,475 --> 00:29:29,345
I love that.
627
00:29:29,915 --> 00:29:32,615
I made my own, you know, my own job title.
628
00:29:32,615 --> 00:29:35,705
I created this, I, I, I love it.
629
00:29:35,705 --> 00:29:38,015
And I'm so proud of that, it's brilliant.
630
00:29:39,125 --> 00:29:39,175
I love that.
631
00:29:39,175 --> 00:29:40,920
It's neat because you kind of
created your own community, but you
632
00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:44,040
touched on, on something that I,
I, I'd like to go back to, and in
633
00:29:44,040 --> 00:29:45,240
the fact that you're introverted.
634
00:29:45,990 --> 00:29:51,110
We talk to a lot of content creators
and other I guess you could say
635
00:29:51,110 --> 00:29:56,360
coaches or counselors in this field,
and a lot of people who are in the
636
00:29:56,360 --> 00:30:02,650
forefront and usually being seen by an
audience, including us are introverted.
637
00:30:02,860 --> 00:30:07,210
I am majorly introverted at times,
times I'm the best She's not.
638
00:30:08,170 --> 00:30:09,700
And, and that's where we balance.
639
00:30:09,700 --> 00:30:12,880
But I have said this over and
over again and people seem to not
640
00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:14,860
believe it is that I am introverted.
641
00:30:14,910 --> 00:30:20,220
Um, and we kind of started a lot of
this so that I could work on getting
642
00:30:20,220 --> 00:30:23,430
my way out of there and being able
to socialize with people better.
643
00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:28,080
But I've noticed that a lot of people
that we talk to are introverted.
644
00:30:28,140 --> 00:30:28,230
Mm-hmm.
645
00:30:28,470 --> 00:30:32,905
Now with you being introverted
and with you being the.
646
00:30:33,780 --> 00:30:36,430
The face of thiskindagirl.
647
00:30:36,450 --> 00:30:36,540
Mm-hmm.
648
00:30:36,990 --> 00:30:39,930
People are turning to
you, I'm sure, en mass.
649
00:30:40,399 --> 00:30:41,510
How do you handle that?
650
00:30:41,510 --> 00:30:44,629
Like how, how do you deal with
it being an introverted person?
651
00:30:45,349 --> 00:30:48,349
Going back to what you said
about faking it till you make it.
652
00:30:48,930 --> 00:30:53,350
When I first started doing my
finger club reviews and, traveling
653
00:30:53,350 --> 00:30:56,620
around the UK and, and going swing
clubs and writing about them.
654
00:30:58,000 --> 00:30:59,320
That was a brand new thing for me.
655
00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:01,570
I was doing it as a single woman.
656
00:31:01,570 --> 00:31:05,049
I was rocking up to places, town,
cities I've never been to before.
657
00:31:05,049 --> 00:31:06,670
I was absolutely terrified.
658
00:31:06,699 --> 00:31:06,759
Wow.
659
00:31:06,759 --> 00:31:09,759
But I knew that it was my
brand that was on show.
660
00:31:09,880 --> 00:31:14,259
It was somebody who was saying, she's
so fucking good at the lifestyle.
661
00:31:14,259 --> 00:31:16,000
I'm gonna teach other
people how to do this.
662
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:18,639
So I had to fake it till I made it.
663
00:31:18,639 --> 00:31:24,279
I had to ooze confidence and charm
and charisma, and b, talk to everybody
664
00:31:24,310 --> 00:31:29,320
and show everybody the same amount
of respects and attention and
665
00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:31,900
be gracious and be professional.
666
00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:33,410
And it was fucking hard, you know?
667
00:31:33,755 --> 00:31:38,020
But I became so accustomed to it because
that was my brand that was on show.
668
00:31:38,020 --> 00:31:42,130
And I learned that separate that
when I was doing those things and
669
00:31:42,130 --> 00:31:45,219
when I'm coaching people, I'm a
brand and I'm a product, and I'm
670
00:31:45,219 --> 00:31:48,820
not, I'm not the deep down real me.
671
00:31:48,850 --> 00:31:51,130
I am what I've created.
672
00:31:51,130 --> 00:31:56,999
And I find it easy to kind of separate
the two because the introvert Yes.
673
00:31:57,030 --> 00:31:57,780
Version of me.
674
00:31:57,780 --> 00:32:01,379
The real version is she's not everybody
would be that interested in her.
675
00:32:01,379 --> 00:32:03,075
Like she ain't that,
she ain't that exciting.
676
00:32:03,465 --> 00:32:03,754
Like
677
00:32:04,124 --> 00:32:08,340
she's exciting, but she also likes
reading books about the paranormal
678
00:32:08,490 --> 00:32:10,100
and you know, I'm a cat mom.
679
00:32:10,295 --> 00:32:10,415
Yeah.
680
00:32:10,514 --> 00:32:12,830
Uh, you know, like it's not that exciting.
681
00:32:12,835 --> 00:32:13,094
Yeah.
682
00:32:13,370 --> 00:32:16,730
But the other version of me, you
know, it is pretty bloody exciting.
683
00:32:16,980 --> 00:32:22,680
So that's how I kind of like, it's
like almost like when I stepped into
684
00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:27,750
my shoes and I did my makeup in that
way, I became coach Lindsay Kay.
685
00:32:27,750 --> 00:32:31,350
And I'm here and I was talking to you
all and it's so lovely to meet you.
686
00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:34,920
And I became so good at that and I
realized that I could turn it off and
687
00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:37,200
turn it on when I was in this role.
688
00:32:37,420 --> 00:32:39,400
And that's how I kinda like
manage it, if you like.
689
00:32:39,405 --> 00:32:39,465
Yeah.
690
00:32:39,465 --> 00:32:41,140
But yeah, it does get overwhelming.
691
00:32:41,140 --> 00:32:45,220
And, and one thing I, this sounds sad,
sympathetic, but I'll share it anyway.
692
00:32:46,180 --> 00:32:46,190
Um.
693
00:32:46,960 --> 00:32:50,620
I remember I went up to, uh, I went
up to Liverpool here in the uk and
694
00:32:50,620 --> 00:32:53,890
I was doing like reviews of, of a
swinger club over different nights.
695
00:32:54,190 --> 00:32:56,200
Same club, but like different
nights, different events.
696
00:32:56,200 --> 00:32:59,730
And so many people were interested,
they wanted to talk to me and
697
00:32:59,730 --> 00:33:01,169
they wanted to hear my opinions.
698
00:33:01,169 --> 00:33:04,770
And I was like, had great nights
talking to all these people, doing
699
00:33:04,770 --> 00:33:08,190
interviews, doing all this, you know,
content and all these wonderful things.
700
00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:14,520
Came back to my hotel and just
absolutely burst into tears because
701
00:33:15,419 --> 00:33:20,050
nobody at that time, I just felt
like nobody was interested in me.
702
00:33:20,050 --> 00:33:20,110
Oh.
703
00:33:22,030 --> 00:33:23,950
And I felt like such a pathetic mess.
704
00:33:23,950 --> 00:33:28,240
But I realized also the,
almost the monster I'd created.
705
00:33:28,330 --> 00:33:34,305
And I realized at that point what it was
like to be a brand and a personal brand.
706
00:33:34,305 --> 00:33:39,075
And I realized that maybe it's great,
but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
707
00:33:39,075 --> 00:33:41,355
Because at that moment when
I got back to the hotel and.
708
00:33:43,170 --> 00:33:47,250
I looked at my real life and I
looked at like all the, the bullshit
709
00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:52,560
dating that was going on and all the
breadcrumb stuff, and I was like yeah.
710
00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:55,200
It, it's not always a good,
and, and I kind of like thought
711
00:33:55,500 --> 00:33:56,880
and I have that reality check.
712
00:33:57,030 --> 00:34:00,780
So I've always kept grounded, you
know, and I've never allowed it to
713
00:34:00,780 --> 00:34:03,210
become, I've never bought into it.
714
00:34:03,330 --> 00:34:04,380
Does that make sense?
715
00:34:04,380 --> 00:34:04,470
Yes.
716
00:34:04,470 --> 00:34:04,590
Oh,
717
00:34:04,590 --> 00:34:05,040
absolutely.
718
00:34:05,190 --> 00:34:05,310
Yes.
719
00:34:05,340 --> 00:34:05,640
Like,
720
00:34:05,970 --> 00:34:07,410
I've kind of like been Yeah.
721
00:34:07,410 --> 00:34:11,250
You know, being Rosie Kay is great and
she's amazing and she's sexy and she's
722
00:34:11,250 --> 00:34:14,490
all these things, but she's not all of me.
723
00:34:14,580 --> 00:34:14,699
Yeah.
724
00:34:14,699 --> 00:34:15,870
She's a part of me.
725
00:34:15,870 --> 00:34:16,230
Yeah.
726
00:34:16,290 --> 00:34:16,500
Now,
727
00:34:16,500 --> 00:34:21,150
does, does she ever make appearances
in your personal relationships
728
00:34:23,574 --> 00:34:23,925
still?
729
00:34:25,734 --> 00:34:31,824
She can do she can do, but my, to
be honest, my own relationship that
730
00:34:31,824 --> 00:34:37,134
I have now is with a guy who is.
731
00:34:38,500 --> 00:34:40,629
Well, he's the more dominant
partner, I would say.
732
00:34:40,750 --> 00:34:40,960
Okay.
733
00:34:40,964 --> 00:34:41,980
In, in that, in that role.
734
00:34:41,980 --> 00:34:43,030
So that's different again.
735
00:34:43,030 --> 00:34:48,280
But also, he's somebody who I see,
he like, he is an equal to me.
736
00:34:48,639 --> 00:34:56,620
And he like, so he d he does
follow my advice, but also I
737
00:34:56,620 --> 00:34:58,420
listen to, this is major for me.
738
00:34:58,420 --> 00:35:01,810
I listen to him and follow his
advice, which I haven't really done
739
00:35:01,810 --> 00:35:02,950
that much with men in the past.
740
00:35:04,060 --> 00:35:04,915
That's love baby.
741
00:35:05,145 --> 00:35:07,299
That, so that is a very
different experience for me.
742
00:35:07,299 --> 00:35:11,259
So we're both equals and we've
always viewed each other as equal
743
00:35:11,379 --> 00:35:15,220
contributors to this relationship,
to this family thing we got going on.
744
00:35:15,220 --> 00:35:17,049
And it's so different, you know?
745
00:35:17,049 --> 00:35:21,430
And it's, yeah, I mean, she does make
appearances, but also I think now.
746
00:35:22,134 --> 00:35:27,055
I am able to offer so much more
insight about relationships and
747
00:35:27,055 --> 00:35:30,805
about this female self-improvement
and not settling for less.
748
00:35:30,805 --> 00:35:33,325
So we know when younger members of
my family come to me and go, oh,
749
00:35:33,325 --> 00:35:36,685
you know, I've experienced this, or
Friends have treated me like this,
750
00:35:36,685 --> 00:35:39,345
or I've been, all this bullshit
that we go through as teenagers.
751
00:35:39,345 --> 00:35:40,275
I'm like, right, okay.
752
00:35:40,575 --> 00:35:41,775
This is what you need to do.
753
00:35:41,825 --> 00:35:43,265
Or this is why this doesn't work.
754
00:35:43,565 --> 00:35:47,855
So I am able to kind of like share
that insight and, and that guidance
755
00:35:47,855 --> 00:35:50,255
with people that I, I wouldn't
have been able to do before.
756
00:35:50,495 --> 00:35:52,925
But I do keep the worlds very separate.
757
00:35:53,195 --> 00:35:53,915
I love that.
758
00:35:53,915 --> 00:35:54,545
I love that.
759
00:35:54,875 --> 00:35:58,865
Now we're gonna start digging into
some society shame and empowerment.
760
00:35:58,865 --> 00:36:04,625
So how do you see shame showing
up in con in conversations around
761
00:36:04,625 --> 00:36:06,905
sexuality, especially for women?
762
00:36:08,950 --> 00:36:17,405
I, I think some, I think bisexual
women and how we are viewed.
763
00:36:19,885 --> 00:36:26,975
Is we bisexual women will always be
viewed as hot property or it's cool to
764
00:36:26,975 --> 00:36:29,465
be bisexual or it's sexy to be bisexual.
765
00:36:29,795 --> 00:36:34,235
And I think very often, or should
I say more often now, women are
766
00:36:34,235 --> 00:36:38,795
able to express their sexuality
more without fear of shame so much.
767
00:36:38,815 --> 00:36:38,905
Mm-hmm.
768
00:36:39,145 --> 00:36:42,865
I think sometimes within certain circles
you can't always share or you don't feel
769
00:36:42,865 --> 00:36:46,645
comfortable sharing, but I think there's
not as much stigma attached to it.
770
00:36:46,945 --> 00:36:49,915
I mean, I, I dunno where, what it's like
where you guys are based, but here we have
771
00:36:49,915 --> 00:36:54,955
female only parties, female only socials
where women can simply get together
772
00:36:55,375 --> 00:36:57,685
who are all bisexual or, or, or gay.
773
00:36:57,785 --> 00:37:01,000
And, you know, have a good time or,
or meet people who are like-minded.
774
00:37:01,330 --> 00:37:05,590
So there's not as much as there
probably used to be and there's
775
00:37:05,590 --> 00:37:07,930
certainly safe spaces for them.
776
00:37:08,260 --> 00:37:10,660
Yeah, you just gave me a brilliant idea.
777
00:37:10,660 --> 00:37:11,260
I love that.
778
00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:14,200
First of all, I'm gonna have to
go visit you, so sorry, honey.
779
00:37:15,190 --> 00:37:19,360
Well, no, A trip like that is not
gonna be a female only Oh, trip.
780
00:37:19,510 --> 00:37:20,320
I'll come too.
781
00:37:20,320 --> 00:37:21,640
You, you can, you can hang out.
782
00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:22,180
Amazing.
783
00:37:22,180 --> 00:37:22,450
Yeah.
784
00:37:22,450 --> 00:37:22,690
No.
785
00:37:22,690 --> 00:37:26,110
Um, bisexuality here's probably,
786
00:37:26,455 --> 00:37:28,135
It's, it's a hot commodity out here.
787
00:37:28,135 --> 00:37:28,935
It's a hot commodity.
788
00:37:29,130 --> 00:37:32,160
Bisexual women, especially
single bisexual women Yeah.
789
00:37:32,430 --> 00:37:34,650
Are considered a commodity.
790
00:37:34,925 --> 00:37:35,215
Yeah.
791
00:37:35,215 --> 00:37:36,720
Uh, and we, we've done a whole show on it.
792
00:37:36,720 --> 00:37:41,670
And to date, it's one of our more
popular shows, uh, about the quote
793
00:37:41,670 --> 00:37:43,680
unquote unicorn in the lifestyle.
794
00:37:43,680 --> 00:37:43,740
Yeah.
795
00:37:44,380 --> 00:37:49,900
But what I find is talking to a, a lot
of single women in the lifestyle is they
796
00:37:49,900 --> 00:37:51,790
don't care for that term, for one thing.
797
00:37:51,790 --> 00:37:51,850
Yeah.
798
00:37:52,300 --> 00:37:56,770
Uh, they don't care for the being
put on a pedestal and feeling
799
00:37:56,770 --> 00:37:58,960
like they're a, a hot commodity.
800
00:37:59,380 --> 00:38:03,570
Uh, but also, where we're at
in Texas, where we used to be
801
00:38:03,570 --> 00:38:05,940
at previously in South Texas.
802
00:38:06,070 --> 00:38:10,660
A lot of the lifestyle was very man led.
803
00:38:10,990 --> 00:38:11,140
Yes.
804
00:38:11,950 --> 00:38:12,040
Mm-hmm.
805
00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:14,890
In a very, almost a
misogynistic kind of way.
806
00:38:15,130 --> 00:38:15,640
Mm-hmm.
807
00:38:15,641 --> 00:38:20,235
And these were a lot of newer people or
people with toxic traits who didn't really
808
00:38:20,290 --> 00:38:22,150
do their research about the lifestyle.
809
00:38:22,390 --> 00:38:24,250
They just knew they wanted to
have sex with other people.
810
00:38:24,370 --> 00:38:24,460
Mm-hmm.
811
00:38:25,180 --> 00:38:25,190
Yeah.
812
00:38:25,360 --> 00:38:28,390
And so that's, and I'm sure
that exists everywhere.
813
00:38:28,870 --> 00:38:28,930
Yeah.
814
00:38:29,050 --> 00:38:32,380
But it was very prevalent
where we were at.
815
00:38:32,750 --> 00:38:37,580
And so being able to be
where we're at now Yeah.
816
00:38:37,610 --> 00:38:40,850
And seeing a lot of the women
empowerment and see, and you know, my
817
00:38:40,850 --> 00:38:46,790
wife is a very big advocate for women
empowerment and she tries to help other
818
00:38:46,790 --> 00:38:48,885
women find their voice and mm-hmm.
819
00:38:48,965 --> 00:38:50,030
And find their No.
820
00:38:50,030 --> 00:38:51,980
And be able to, to do all of that.
821
00:38:52,350 --> 00:38:57,180
But we forget that this is
really geographical at times.
822
00:38:57,805 --> 00:38:58,405
Definitely.
823
00:38:58,765 --> 00:38:59,155
Yeah.
824
00:38:59,215 --> 00:39:02,244
So I, I find that so, interesting.
825
00:39:02,604 --> 00:39:06,954
I, I'm pretty sure that now that you've
put this little nugget of information
826
00:39:06,954 --> 00:39:13,494
in her head, she's gonna be doing an all
female social or so, that sort of thing.
827
00:39:13,494 --> 00:39:14,694
It's, it should be interesting.
828
00:39:14,994 --> 00:39:17,274
I'll spend a lot of nights at home alone.
829
00:39:17,604 --> 00:39:22,660
Well, so I, I think they're popular in the
uk also, again, going back to what I said,
830
00:39:22,660 --> 00:39:25,600
because you can be whoever you want to be.
831
00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:29,149
Here in the uk we don't have as
much, the religious constraints.
832
00:39:29,149 --> 00:39:31,370
People aren't only religious over here.
833
00:39:31,730 --> 00:39:35,210
And so it's not, it's not as
much as a, a taboo subject.
834
00:39:35,210 --> 00:39:39,959
So I think also PE women have
that freedom, but also I think,
835
00:39:39,959 --> 00:39:41,069
and this is, this is interesting.
836
00:39:42,029 --> 00:39:43,799
I believe that.
837
00:39:44,504 --> 00:39:47,504
If you are in a relationship like, like
I am now, in you relationship with a
838
00:39:47,504 --> 00:39:52,034
man, it's almost like bisexuality, female
bisexuality isn't viewed as a threat.
839
00:39:52,304 --> 00:39:54,854
It's like almost like,
oh, well she's bisexual.
840
00:39:54,914 --> 00:39:55,004
Yes.
841
00:39:55,004 --> 00:39:56,534
She'd never leave me for a woman.
842
00:39:57,614 --> 00:39:57,704
Yes.
843
00:39:57,794 --> 00:40:02,714
Like if my partner wasn't Ollie
was correct to be like, I would
844
00:40:02,774 --> 00:40:08,024
like, it doesn't take me much like
it, it's rare for me to be in a
845
00:40:08,084 --> 00:40:10,904
long-term relationship with a man
because I'm not a massive fan of men.
846
00:40:11,414 --> 00:40:14,324
And I do believe that for a lot
of men out there, they like, oh,
847
00:40:14,324 --> 00:40:15,794
you know, she's just bisexual.
848
00:40:15,794 --> 00:40:17,234
It's just women having a bit of fun.
849
00:40:17,744 --> 00:40:19,784
Rosie, you're a UK version of me.
850
00:40:19,784 --> 00:40:20,474
I love it.
851
00:40:20,924 --> 00:40:21,794
I'm the same way.
852
00:40:21,794 --> 00:40:23,744
I, I, yeah.
853
00:40:23,744 --> 00:40:25,274
I'm ex exactly what you said.
854
00:40:25,274 --> 00:40:26,294
I've said it a thousand times.
855
00:40:26,294 --> 00:40:26,534
Have you times met
856
00:40:26,534 --> 00:40:26,984
women?
857
00:40:27,164 --> 00:40:27,374
I know,
858
00:40:29,624 --> 00:40:29,984
right?
859
00:40:29,984 --> 00:40:30,824
It's, um,
860
00:40:30,974 --> 00:40:34,304
well, there are some men who
get who get insecure about it.
861
00:40:34,304 --> 00:40:35,924
My husband, they find that they're, yeah.
862
00:40:36,045 --> 00:40:37,819
Uh, wives or, or spouses or partners.
863
00:40:38,700 --> 00:40:39,509
Or bisexual.
864
00:40:39,509 --> 00:40:39,750
Yeah.
865
00:40:39,750 --> 00:40:43,049
My first two, actually, my
first two last relationships
866
00:40:43,290 --> 00:40:45,089
were very insecure about that.
867
00:40:45,095 --> 00:40:45,245
Yeah.
868
00:40:45,250 --> 00:40:47,880
Like, I could not even bring that
up because it was like, yeah.
869
00:40:48,450 --> 00:40:48,839
Nope.
870
00:40:49,290 --> 00:40:49,770
And
871
00:40:49,830 --> 00:40:50,609
I celebrated.
872
00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:50,700
Yeah.
873
00:40:50,700 --> 00:40:53,160
You know, when, when I found
out, you know, she came out to
874
00:40:53,160 --> 00:40:54,390
me when we first started dating.
875
00:40:54,839 --> 00:40:54,990
Mm-hmm.
876
00:40:55,230 --> 00:40:58,650
And I really said, you know, I would
love for us to experience this not only
877
00:40:58,650 --> 00:41:02,160
for myself, obviously that was a good
portion of it, but also so that she could
878
00:41:02,160 --> 00:41:04,509
experience and, and have her enjoyment.
879
00:41:04,509 --> 00:41:08,679
And then when we became poly, that
was really where I told her, I, I
880
00:41:08,679 --> 00:41:11,229
was like, you know, you've never
had a relationship with a woman.
881
00:41:11,559 --> 00:41:13,509
You should really be able to explore that.
882
00:41:13,514 --> 00:41:13,614
Yeah.
883
00:41:13,614 --> 00:41:13,814
You know?
884
00:41:13,819 --> 00:41:14,529
Yeah, for sure.
885
00:41:14,589 --> 00:41:18,854
And so it I think out here, you
know, obviously there, there
886
00:41:18,854 --> 00:41:23,524
is a lot of, uh, stigma because
of the religious aspect of it.
887
00:41:23,554 --> 00:41:23,974
Here.
888
00:41:24,289 --> 00:41:27,049
In the States, and it seems
to be pretty relevant.
889
00:41:27,049 --> 00:41:31,249
So there's a lot of judgment out here
and a lot of people who live in fear
890
00:41:31,399 --> 00:41:34,049
Uh, of being openly themselves.
891
00:41:34,079 --> 00:41:34,229
Yeah.
892
00:41:34,289 --> 00:41:34,679
You know?
893
00:41:34,739 --> 00:41:34,889
Oh,
894
00:41:34,889 --> 00:41:35,549
for sure.
895
00:41:35,549 --> 00:41:36,389
Yeah, yeah,
896
00:41:36,419 --> 00:41:36,839
yeah.
897
00:41:36,899 --> 00:41:43,259
But, uh, with that being said,
what can we all do as creators, as
898
00:41:43,319 --> 00:41:45,719
podcasters and community members?
899
00:41:46,049 --> 00:41:50,309
What can we do to make the conversation
around sexuality and relationships
900
00:41:50,309 --> 00:41:52,709
more compassionate and inclusive?
901
00:41:54,389 --> 00:41:56,919
I think we can try and
902
00:41:59,609 --> 00:42:01,019
move away from.
903
00:42:01,964 --> 00:42:05,594
A lot of people talk to me about
judgment and talk to me about shame and
904
00:42:05,594 --> 00:42:07,094
say, oh, well what will people think?
905
00:42:07,124 --> 00:42:08,804
And well, what, you know,
what will my family think?
906
00:42:08,804 --> 00:42:10,034
Or what will society think?
907
00:42:10,034 --> 00:42:14,324
Or what if people from my church find
out, or, you know, what, ultimately
908
00:42:14,324 --> 00:42:17,774
you are the one who's leading your
own life and you are in control
909
00:42:17,774 --> 00:42:19,304
of what happens on that journey.
910
00:42:19,304 --> 00:42:21,164
You are in control of,
you know, who you meet.
911
00:42:21,164 --> 00:42:24,984
And the, you are the only one who
is steering the ship, essentially.
912
00:42:25,554 --> 00:42:32,454
And I often find that people, that's like
their biggest hangup for so many people
913
00:42:32,454 --> 00:42:34,974
is what will other people think of me?
914
00:42:35,154 --> 00:42:40,914
And it kind of pains me because for
me, I've always been my, my, you
915
00:42:40,914 --> 00:42:44,094
know, my motto is, do what you want
in life, not what's expected of you.
916
00:42:44,094 --> 00:42:48,804
And it's, that has been my motto for like
forever and I've led my life that way.
917
00:42:50,064 --> 00:42:53,094
And I just think that as content
creators, we need to show
918
00:42:53,124 --> 00:42:54,654
people that we are doing that.
919
00:42:55,434 --> 00:42:57,084
And I, I, I believe that I do.
920
00:42:57,084 --> 00:43:01,224
And I think if we truly believe that we
are the only ones who are in charge, if
921
00:43:01,224 --> 00:43:05,214
we want to go to an all woman social, we
should fucking go to an all woman social.
922
00:43:05,214 --> 00:43:07,974
If we want to set up something,
if we wanna try out having a
923
00:43:07,974 --> 00:43:09,924
relationship with a woman, why not?
924
00:43:09,924 --> 00:43:11,514
You know, go and do it.
925
00:43:11,514 --> 00:43:15,564
Because if you are in a place where your
relationship is strong enough and you
926
00:43:15,564 --> 00:43:19,734
yourself are strong enough to see that
bigger picture and go, you know what?
927
00:43:19,734 --> 00:43:23,099
I'm gonna do this for the
greater good, uh, for the greater
928
00:43:24,174 --> 00:43:24,339
good, for the greater good.
929
00:43:24,344 --> 00:43:25,764
Like, I need this, babe.
930
00:43:25,764 --> 00:43:26,394
I need this.
931
00:43:26,724 --> 00:43:29,484
Go out and enjoy it because
you only get one chance.
932
00:43:29,784 --> 00:43:33,354
And Moab like, like having different
experiences with different types
933
00:43:33,354 --> 00:43:36,384
of people or even just going and
talking to different types of people.
934
00:43:36,444 --> 00:43:40,344
When you talk about inclusivity and
things like that, I think one of
935
00:43:40,344 --> 00:43:42,054
the biggest eye openers I had was.
936
00:43:42,639 --> 00:43:47,109
I did a speed dating event where I was
given a talk at a speed dating event and
937
00:43:47,139 --> 00:43:50,529
at the speed dating event, it was for
ENM people, but there were like people
938
00:43:50,529 --> 00:43:55,469
there who were like wheelchair users and
non-binary people, and people who you, who
939
00:43:55,469 --> 00:44:01,439
I myself would never talk to because they
simply didn't fit in my social circle.
940
00:44:02,279 --> 00:44:06,779
But in that environment, I realized there
were so many people out there who I could
941
00:44:06,779 --> 00:44:09,389
talk to who would broaden my perspectives.
942
00:44:09,539 --> 00:44:13,379
I learned so much about the world
of less able bodied dating just
943
00:44:13,379 --> 00:44:16,469
from having those conversations
or just by, you know, speaking to
944
00:44:16,469 --> 00:44:19,549
non-binary people and that, that the,
the, the hurdles that they faced.
945
00:44:20,479 --> 00:44:23,189
And I think, yeah, just,
just does that make sense?
946
00:44:23,189 --> 00:44:26,009
Like just go, go and explore and, yeah.
947
00:44:26,339 --> 00:44:26,819
I love that.
948
00:44:26,819 --> 00:44:26,879
In
949
00:44:26,879 --> 00:44:28,319
other words, get out of your head.
950
00:44:28,319 --> 00:44:29,339
Get out of your head.
951
00:44:29,429 --> 00:44:29,609
Yeah.
952
00:44:29,609 --> 00:44:30,184
Get out of your head.
953
00:44:30,299 --> 00:44:31,744
Stop worrying about what the people think.
954
00:44:31,934 --> 00:44:32,464
Live life.
955
00:44:32,464 --> 00:44:32,939
You know what?
956
00:44:33,329 --> 00:44:37,169
If you wanna go along and
chat away to people and learn
957
00:44:37,169 --> 00:44:39,029
more about their experiences.
958
00:44:39,419 --> 00:44:39,959
Why not?
959
00:44:40,649 --> 00:44:41,219
Why not?
960
00:44:41,369 --> 00:44:42,119
Absolutely.
961
00:44:42,239 --> 00:44:42,509
Yeah.
962
00:44:42,509 --> 00:44:43,489
I that's great.
963
00:44:43,849 --> 00:44:44,449
That's great.
964
00:44:44,599 --> 00:44:48,139
Now I, Rosie, I'm, uh, we're gonna
have a little fun with this right here.
965
00:44:48,139 --> 00:44:54,259
As we're starting to come to a, a wrap,
I want you to answer this with as little
966
00:44:54,259 --> 00:44:59,239
thinking as possible, because I, I know
as, as writers, we tend to really dig into
967
00:44:59,239 --> 00:45:01,159
the back for, for a really good response.
968
00:45:01,489 --> 00:45:03,169
I want whatever's in the forefront.
969
00:45:03,174 --> 00:45:03,464
Okay.
970
00:45:03,469 --> 00:45:03,799
Okay.
971
00:45:03,799 --> 00:45:06,469
What is your favorite thing
about being non-monogamous?
972
00:45:07,169 --> 00:45:07,739
Being bi.
973
00:45:08,339 --> 00:45:11,039
Like getting to just sex with women.
974
00:45:11,524 --> 00:45:11,534
Yeah.
975
00:45:12,149 --> 00:45:12,389
Yeah.
976
00:45:12,869 --> 00:45:15,389
That's actually my favorite
part about being non-monogamous
977
00:45:15,419 --> 00:45:16,289
is the sex with women.
978
00:45:16,289 --> 00:45:17,639
So we have a lot in common.
979
00:45:18,959 --> 00:45:19,739
I love that.
980
00:45:21,509 --> 00:45:23,024
I think she was, I had it in my head.
981
00:45:23,024 --> 00:45:24,014
I was like, women.
982
00:45:25,454 --> 00:45:27,494
And really, I mean, we, we can all agree.
983
00:45:27,494 --> 00:45:29,804
I mean, the lifestyle
is really women-centric.
984
00:45:29,804 --> 00:45:29,864
Yeah.
985
00:45:29,864 --> 00:45:31,154
If you take the women out of it.
986
00:45:31,184 --> 00:45:31,484
Yeah.
987
00:45:31,574 --> 00:45:33,309
There's really no fun.
988
00:45:34,704 --> 00:45:38,849
I mean, it depends on who you are, but
I mean, a lot of it is women-centric.
989
00:45:38,849 --> 00:45:38,909
Yeah.
990
00:45:38,909 --> 00:45:42,089
And I think a lot of women need to
realize if they haven't already,
991
00:45:42,089 --> 00:45:44,519
that they kind of rule the roost on
992
00:45:44,669 --> 00:45:44,759
this.
993
00:45:44,759 --> 00:45:46,109
I've, I've tried telling women that, but,
994
00:45:47,219 --> 00:45:47,429
you know.
995
00:45:47,579 --> 00:45:47,909
Yeah.
996
00:45:47,969 --> 00:45:48,089
We
997
00:45:48,089 --> 00:45:49,259
haven't ruled the world yet.
998
00:45:49,259 --> 00:45:50,039
We're getting there though.
999
00:45:50,039 --> 00:45:51,059
We're gonna, yeah.
1000
00:45:51,479 --> 00:45:51,689
Okay.
1001
00:45:51,689 --> 00:45:57,029
Now, I don't know, I, I mean, this
question may be easy, but one UK lifestyle
1002
00:45:57,029 --> 00:45:59,279
misconception you'd love to clear up.
1003
00:46:00,869 --> 00:46:06,899
That you can't just walk into any
swingers club and just like pay a certain
1004
00:46:06,899 --> 00:46:08,789
amount of money and that guarantees you.
1005
00:46:09,134 --> 00:46:09,794
Sex.
1006
00:46:09,824 --> 00:46:11,684
You can't just go and say, you know what?
1007
00:46:11,924 --> 00:46:13,934
I've paid a hundred pounds, 150 pounds.
1008
00:46:13,934 --> 00:46:19,274
Therefore that entitles me because this is
something which I see time and time again,
1009
00:46:19,964 --> 00:46:24,014
especially with single guys and sometimes
with couples as well, I've paid hundred
1010
00:46:24,014 --> 00:46:26,354
50 pounds, why am I not getting anywhere
1011
00:46:26,624 --> 00:46:27,059
that's globally?
1012
00:46:27,524 --> 00:46:27,974
Yeah.
1013
00:46:28,034 --> 00:46:28,844
That is globally.
1014
00:46:28,844 --> 00:46:29,179
So, yeah.
1015
00:46:29,179 --> 00:46:29,579
But you know,
1016
00:46:29,744 --> 00:46:30,134
yeah.
1017
00:46:30,194 --> 00:46:30,374
Yeah.
1018
00:46:30,374 --> 00:46:34,694
But I, I see that, you know, all,
all like all the time and it seems
1019
00:46:34,694 --> 00:46:39,344
to be whatever club as well, you
know, whether it's a really exclusive
1020
00:46:39,344 --> 00:46:44,249
members club or a, you know, more pay,
casual pay on the door type thing.
1021
00:46:44,959 --> 00:46:49,609
That mentality expectant
mentality is Yeah.
1022
00:46:49,819 --> 00:46:49,994
Is huge.
1023
00:46:50,674 --> 00:46:51,154
Yeah.
1024
00:46:51,244 --> 00:46:53,104
Especially with people who have money.
1025
00:46:53,314 --> 00:46:53,464
Yeah.
1026
00:46:53,464 --> 00:46:57,514
I mean, it's just, uh, I, I've known a
lot of people who have really, really
1027
00:46:57,514 --> 00:47:01,144
great vast amount of money and they,
a lot of them have that mentality that
1028
00:47:01,144 --> 00:47:02,284
they can just buy whatever they want.
1029
00:47:02,404 --> 00:47:03,034
Oh, yeah.
1030
00:47:03,039 --> 00:47:03,149
Yeah.
1031
00:47:03,184 --> 00:47:04,204
And buy, buy whoever
1032
00:47:04,204 --> 00:47:04,594
they want.
1033
00:47:04,594 --> 00:47:05,764
And it's like, yeah.
1034
00:47:05,764 --> 00:47:06,964
It don't work that way.
1035
00:47:06,964 --> 00:47:08,044
You, yeah.
1036
00:47:08,409 --> 00:47:13,924
Now, if you had to describe thiskindagirl
in three words, what would they be?
1037
00:47:17,449 --> 00:47:17,739
Sexy.
1038
00:47:18,319 --> 00:47:19,099
Oh, I don't know.
1039
00:47:19,399 --> 00:47:19,779
I'm not sexy.
1040
00:47:19,784 --> 00:47:20,254
That's, that's
1041
00:47:20,254 --> 00:47:20,554
okay.
1042
00:47:20,554 --> 00:47:21,784
You can take your time with this one.
1043
00:47:22,384 --> 00:47:23,254
That's a good question.
1044
00:47:23,254 --> 00:47:26,704
This is very much like when I say to
people, you know, what do you write in
1045
00:47:26,704 --> 00:47:29,644
your dating profile or what, you know,
tell me what you like and they don't know.
1046
00:47:29,884 --> 00:47:33,754
I think three words to describe
me is probably excitable
1047
00:47:39,519 --> 00:47:39,869
adult.
1048
00:47:40,654 --> 00:47:42,214
Or like adult in nature.
1049
00:47:42,514 --> 00:47:42,814
Yeah.
1050
00:47:45,514 --> 00:47:45,994
And
1051
00:47:51,784 --> 00:47:54,154
I dunno what's the word for kind of like,
1052
00:47:56,164 --> 00:47:58,204
somebody wants subscribe,
somebody wants to describe me as a
1053
00:47:58,204 --> 00:48:02,764
shepherdess, like guiding my sheep,
like shepherd of the lifestyle.
1054
00:48:02,824 --> 00:48:02,974
Very
1055
00:48:02,974 --> 00:48:03,814
educational.
1056
00:48:03,844 --> 00:48:04,474
Yeah,
1057
00:48:04,474 --> 00:48:05,074
educational.
1058
00:48:05,074 --> 00:48:06,604
Because I do see myself as that.
1059
00:48:06,604 --> 00:48:09,214
Like, you're a guide but not motherly.
1060
00:48:10,024 --> 00:48:10,264
There
1061
00:48:10,264 --> 00:48:10,654
you go.
1062
00:48:12,099 --> 00:48:13,239
You like, there you go.
1063
00:48:13,244 --> 00:48:13,414
Yeah.
1064
00:48:13,414 --> 00:48:16,204
So prob So maybe like, like shepherd us.
1065
00:48:16,624 --> 00:48:17,164
That's not that.
1066
00:48:17,164 --> 00:48:18,279
I would, I don't, I dunno.
1067
00:48:18,454 --> 00:48:18,964
I don't know.
1068
00:48:18,964 --> 00:48:19,654
Three words.
1069
00:48:20,134 --> 00:48:21,724
Oh, it's very typical, isn't it?
1070
00:48:22,144 --> 00:48:22,684
Um, RO
1071
00:48:22,684 --> 00:48:23,944
Rosie, you're, you're a writer.
1072
00:48:25,144 --> 00:48:27,154
I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna,
I'm just gonna point that out.
1073
00:48:27,154 --> 00:48:27,634
You're a writer.
1074
00:48:27,634 --> 00:48:29,104
You, you gotta know these words.
1075
00:48:29,679 --> 00:48:30,159
I know you have.
1076
00:48:30,559 --> 00:48:31,759
I know, I know.
1077
00:48:32,134 --> 00:48:32,674
I'm sorry.
1078
00:48:32,739 --> 00:48:33,679
I'm just giving you a hard time.
1079
00:48:34,159 --> 00:48:34,479
Describe you.
1080
00:48:34,684 --> 00:48:35,494
Just meeting you.
1081
00:48:35,494 --> 00:48:37,504
I would be confident.
1082
00:48:38,689 --> 00:48:39,469
Sexy.
1083
00:48:40,189 --> 00:48:41,959
And I know.
1084
00:48:41,959 --> 00:48:42,529
Bold.
1085
00:48:42,589 --> 00:48:43,339
I would say bold.
1086
00:48:43,339 --> 00:48:44,569
Bold and confidence.
1087
00:48:44,569 --> 00:48:44,839
I know.
1088
00:48:44,839 --> 00:48:45,529
They kind of go together.
1089
00:48:45,529 --> 00:48:45,709
Yeah.
1090
00:48:45,709 --> 00:48:47,749
Those no, bold is, I like bold.
1091
00:48:47,899 --> 00:48:48,169
Right.
1092
00:48:48,259 --> 00:48:49,849
If I had to come, I would use bold.
1093
00:48:49,909 --> 00:48:50,329
Yeah.
1094
00:48:50,509 --> 00:48:51,469
Knowledgeable.
1095
00:48:51,529 --> 00:48:52,039
Yes.
1096
00:48:52,039 --> 00:48:52,849
And experienced.
1097
00:48:52,849 --> 00:48:53,419
There you go.
1098
00:48:53,624 --> 00:48:54,889
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1099
00:48:54,889 --> 00:48:55,309
True.
1100
00:48:55,489 --> 00:48:55,639
Yeah.
1101
00:48:55,639 --> 00:48:55,969
True.
1102
00:48:56,449 --> 00:48:57,834
Unapologetic is a good one.
1103
00:48:58,354 --> 00:48:59,274
I apologetic.
1104
00:48:59,629 --> 00:49:00,619
Unapologetic.
1105
00:49:01,019 --> 00:49:01,649
Bold.
1106
00:49:03,029 --> 00:49:05,759
I don't wanna say confrontational
'cause that's more of me on a personal
1107
00:49:05,759 --> 00:49:07,919
level, but I'll fight for the underdog.
1108
00:49:07,949 --> 00:49:11,109
I will fight for, the
woman who's been wronged.
1109
00:49:11,139 --> 00:49:13,624
I will fight for the people
I feel are not passion.
1110
00:49:13,689 --> 00:49:13,959
Yeah.
1111
00:49:14,019 --> 00:49:14,379
Definitely.
1112
00:49:14,379 --> 00:49:14,889
Passionate.
1113
00:49:14,894 --> 00:49:15,184
Passionate.
1114
00:49:15,189 --> 00:49:15,744
See, I love that.
1115
00:49:15,744 --> 00:49:15,824
Wow.
1116
00:49:15,854 --> 00:49:17,184
This is, this is so much better.
1117
00:49:17,374 --> 00:49:17,859
Look at that.
1118
00:49:17,859 --> 00:49:20,469
You and Pris actually
have a lot in common.
1119
00:49:20,949 --> 00:49:21,039
I know.
1120
00:49:21,039 --> 00:49:22,959
That's why it was easy for
me to come up with words.
1121
00:49:22,989 --> 00:49:24,849
'cause I'm like, I'm
describing my wife over here.
1122
00:49:25,309 --> 00:49:25,759
Yeah.
1123
00:49:26,569 --> 00:49:30,049
Uh, Rosie, this has been such
a beautiful conversation.
1124
00:49:30,049 --> 00:49:31,819
Thank you for joining us and bringing.
1125
00:49:32,779 --> 00:49:34,969
A heart and honesty to the lifestyle.
1126
00:49:34,969 --> 00:49:35,809
Like I love that.
1127
00:49:36,019 --> 00:49:36,799
Absolutely.
1128
00:49:37,069 --> 00:49:43,159
Now you can find Rosie's work and
writing at thiskindagirl.co.uk and
1129
00:49:43,159 --> 00:49:46,639
we'll have that in our show notes as
well as anything else you can find.
1130
00:49:46,849 --> 00:49:46,909
Yeah.
1131
00:49:46,939 --> 00:49:50,149
Uh, all Rosie k this kind of
girl will be in our show notes.
1132
00:49:50,149 --> 00:49:51,229
You can find it there.
1133
00:49:51,679 --> 00:49:53,089
Uh, seriously, go check it out.
1134
00:49:53,149 --> 00:49:56,059
Her articles are raw, relatable,
and full of that spark.
1135
00:49:56,059 --> 00:49:59,029
That reminds us why we all do this.
1136
00:49:59,144 --> 00:50:00,079
Yes, yes, yes.
1137
00:50:00,079 --> 00:50:03,279
And if you love today's conversation,
don't forget to check out all of our
1138
00:50:03,279 --> 00:50:06,739
past episodes at beyond-monogamy.com.
1139
00:50:06,759 --> 00:50:09,969
You can also stream us every
Thursday at 1:00 PM and 6:00 PM
1140
00:50:09,969 --> 00:50:12,339
Central on full swap radio.com.
1141
00:50:12,399 --> 00:50:13,689
Oh, man, that was smooth.
1142
00:50:13,689 --> 00:50:15,609
We're on all the socials too.
1143
00:50:15,819 --> 00:50:22,209
We're on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok X,
formerly Twitter, Reddit, and YouTube.
1144
00:50:22,609 --> 00:50:25,659
And we have our, discord
community as well.
1145
00:50:25,659 --> 00:50:27,039
So be sure and check that out.
1146
00:50:27,044 --> 00:50:27,054
Yes,
1147
00:50:27,129 --> 00:50:27,429
yes.
1148
00:50:27,429 --> 00:50:29,619
So make sure you like,
subscribe, and leave us a review.
1149
00:50:29,619 --> 00:50:33,319
It helps these conversations
keep growing and going.
1150
00:50:33,319 --> 00:50:33,649
Yeah.
1151
00:50:34,249 --> 00:50:34,699
Yeah.
1152
00:50:34,849 --> 00:50:39,589
Rosie, thank you again for hanging out
with us today and for reminding everyone
1153
00:50:39,889 --> 00:50:46,009
that being this kind of girl means being
bold, open, and unapologetically yourself.
1154
00:50:46,159 --> 00:50:47,029
That is, thank you.
1155
00:50:47,034 --> 00:50:47,564
Incredible.
1156
00:50:47,654 --> 00:50:48,124
Thank you.
1157
00:50:48,809 --> 00:50:50,479
It's a reminder for all of us.
1158
00:50:50,629 --> 00:50:54,949
And with that, thank you all for listening
and we will see you guys next week.
1159
00:50:54,949 --> 00:50:55,429
Bye.
Rosie Kay — ThisKindofGirl.co.uk
Blogger / Author / Content Creator
Rosie Kay is a UK-based writer, coach, and lifestyle educator best known as the voice behind ThisKindofGirl.co.uk
— one of Britain’s most refreshingly honest blogs about ethical non-monogamy, bisexuality, and sexual confidence.
What began as a lockdown passion project soon evolved into a thriving community and coaching platform, where Rosie helps people navigate open relationships, body image, consent, and self-empowerment with wit, warmth, and fierce authenticity.
Drawing on her own experiences in the lifestyle, Rosie writes with the perfect blend of humor, vulnerability, and practical wisdom — giving voice to those learning to live and love outside the box. Whether she’s breaking down polyamory myths, talking about emotional honesty, or cheering women on to own their sexuality, Rosie reminds readers that living “this kind of life” starts with confidence and compassion.
Website: thiskindofgirl.co.uk
Instagram / X: @thiskindagirl_uk
