March 26, 2025
The Adam Theory: Understanding Happy Vibes in the Lifestyle
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In this episode of 'Beyond Monogamy,' hosts Adam and Pris delve into the concept of compersion, which is often regarded as the opposite of jealousy. As a term primarily used within polyamorous communities, compersion describes the happiness one feels when their partner finds joy and fulfillment with others. Adam and Pris discuss personal experiences navigating compersion, emphasizing its potential to strengthen relationships through empathy and understanding. They share candid insights into overcoming jealousy, managing territorial feelings, and celebrating each other's wins. Their conversation sheds light on how compersion fosters deeper connections and personal growth within open and trust-based relationships.
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This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. We explore topics
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surrounding sexuality, intimate relationships, and related
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subjects in an open and candid manner. Please be advised
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that we are not licensed marriage or sex therapists, and the content
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shared here is for entertainment and informational purposes only.
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If you are under 18 years of age or prefer not to engage with discussions
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about sex, relationships or mature language, we strongly
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recommend that you refrain from listening further. However, if you are of
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legal age and comfortable with this content, we invite you to settle in
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and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome
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to another episode of Beyond Monogamy. I'm Adam.
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And I'm Pris. And welcome to our Wednesday quickie.
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We are going to be discussing compersion.
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Compersion. Compersion. Honey, what does compersion mean?
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Compersion. Compersion. You know,
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compersion. Compersion is a funny term that
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I had never heard of until we started looking into Polygon.
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Oh. But essentially, compersion is
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the feeling of happiness and joy derived from
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witnessing a partner's happiness and positive experiences,
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even when those experiences involve other people.
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Often seen as the opposite of jealousy.
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So that feeling of jealousy that you get whenever you. You see your
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spouse, you know, you're familiar with it. When you've seen your spouse
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give somebody else attention or kiss them a certain way
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or whatever, that feeling of jealousy that kind of goes,
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oh, he should not be doing that, or she should not be doing
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that. This is the opposite of that. Okay. This is where you're happy
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for your spouse. Okay. Yeah, I can see that
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now. It's. It's primarily used in
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poly. It's. It's.
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It's not as referred to in the lifestyle as.
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As much as you hear it in the poly lifestyle. Wow.
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And it should be. It should be. I mean, because it's a feeling and
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it's a feeling that. That most. The jealous.
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The jealous part is most people. I feel like most
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people fight with that. Yeah. Struggle with that. Well, I mean. So the
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official definition of conversion is a
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positive emotion often described as sympathetic
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joy or vicarious joy,
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where someone feels happy and fulfilled when their partner is experiencing
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joy. Oh. Especially in a romantic and
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or sexual context. You have a lot of compersion for me.
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I do, I do. I'm getting. I'm getting there.
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You're getting there? Yeah. You know, where I
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kind of have a little bit of difficulties and where
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this comes to play and it's like, you should be. You should have more compersion
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is when. When you see your significant.
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You see your partner smiling about something Or.
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Or being giddy about something and you're like, hello,
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I say the same thing. I do the same thing. What the hell?
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I mean, I don't get like that anymore, but you know what I mean?
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Like, it's. It's a little thing. We actually had to discuss this with a friend.
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We had to explain. Explain to them what conversion
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is and what is. What does he call
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it now? He calls it the atom theory. The atom theory. And I was
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like, I did not invent this. You did not? No, but you did.
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I was like, oh, my gosh, that's a really good thing.
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Well, so the. Here's the thing. When we entered
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poly, we did so for. For me,
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for one primary sole purpose, which was for
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you to be able to experience a relationship with a
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woman. Right. Because you had never had that. Well, we started off with
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a guy. I was going to date a guy. Like,
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we were just opening it up. Okay. Yeah. And then it went to women.
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Yeah. But that was the idea from the start, was that you were eventually going
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to have a relationship with a woman. Right. Right. And that's
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realistically what you wanted out of it. And because
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you wanted that. I wanted that for you.
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Yeah. And I felt
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happy. Like your wins were my wins as far as I was concerned. Like,
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I was like, oh, shit, she's. She's meeting somebody and she's talking to
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this person and this and that. And you seemed happy at
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some certain points. I'm rarely jealous,
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though. Yes, rarely. It does come up, but I'm
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rarely jealous. Yeah. And you're rarely
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vocally jealous. I'm rarely vocally jealous.
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That's fair. That's fair. I am rarely jealous.
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And so it was easy for me to feel
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conversion for you for all of your wins. Yeah.
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Especially when it came to sexual. Because I'm into the whole hot wife thing.
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So I like to see you satisfied, whether it's me or somebody else.
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Yeah. I like to see you happy.
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It's. It took a little getting used to to see you smile
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or get giddy when it came to somebody else.
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Did it? Just a bit. Okay. Just a little bit.
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Yeah. Even now? No. No. So, like, there was,
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there was. You had told me that you'd spoken to
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a friend who is in the vanilla world who you've
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kind of have a thing for, and he was a little
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flirty with you and you kind of got giddy and
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you got like this little school girlish kind of way,
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and I thought it was cute. I was
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like, oh, okay. Like, I don't even Know if you have
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a crush on somebody? Well, I can't say. I can't even allude to it
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because I think that person actually may be
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listening. Okay. Possibly so, you know, it's like,
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I, I, I thought that was cute. I didn't really get jealous, but I did
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take a step back and go, oh, wow, that's something I've never seen before.
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Because even when you were dating, you didn't really get like that. I don't now.
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I think now I am getting into my,
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my fun phase where it's easier. I can
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have compersion for you now. So you mentioned
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that probably, I don't know, a couple weeks ago. Yeah. And you said,
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I think I'm starting to get. Get that. I think I'm starting to get.
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I am, I'm starting to get that I'm a very,
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I'm a very selfish person when it comes to stuff like that.
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Like. Yeah. And the fact like, I just don't want
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to be happy for you. I mean.
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Yeah. I just don't. It's like, whatever. But now it's.
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Oh yeah, I get it. I, I see it. You know,
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it's not, I feel like my territorial
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and my jealousy,
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let's be honest, still comes to play way more
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than conversion. It's definitely not. Even now
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they're not as much like I'm not. Because you remember how I
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was. I was very, very territorial, very jealous. And I still
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am the same. Even sexually. Yeah. Yes,
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even sexually. So I do have more compersion than
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I do jealousy and territorialness.
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Interesting. Yeah. And I, and, and honestly,
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it's just because it's just a different phase in our life now
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that I can actually feel that it's,
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it's very open, very trans. Not transactional,
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but very transparent. Transparent.
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And so it makes it easier for me to have the conversion.
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For me to be happy for you, for me to be like, oh, okay,
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cool. So when would you say that you first realized that
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you were starting to feel this way?
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Honestly, like recently.
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Like how recently? Like,
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like maybe a month ago. Oh man. Yeah. That's awesome.
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Yeah. And it's not something that I need to always remember.
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Like I kind of can make
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everything seem vanilla ish in my head. Okay,
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so for instance, like, you were
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gonna go out this weekend, right. Or. Yeah. Right. And so stuff like
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that, that couldn't have happened two
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years ago. It wouldn't have even been a discussion. Wouldn't have been a discussion.
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Yeah. Right. Because I love you,
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but you've never done anything bad. But I just, I'm not
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a trusting person. Right. And so it's, it's that.
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And so I was like, okay. But now I was
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like, oh, that's gonna be so cool for him. You know, he's gonna go have
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fun, he's gonna come back home to me. Like,
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you know what I mean? So I was like, oh, that's gonna be good for
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you. So, yeah, the compersion doesn't, doesn't come to play all the time,
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but it does play sometimes. Yeah. Yeah.
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Now. So that was. If I was,
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if I was to go. It, if I was to go out this past weekend
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or this coming weekend, initially, it wasn't going to be sexual.
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Right. When you found out that there was a chance it could be
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sexual, did that change things for you?
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No. No, because I know you.
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Well, what does that mean? Like, you,
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you don't know how to really relax if I'm not
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there. That's. That's a good point. And you
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get. Although the thought is exciting and whatnot,
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you. You still get a little nervous, you know?
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And unless that person knows that and that person is willing to
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be a little gentle or whatever, then it's all good.
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But, yeah, no, I, I had no,
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no changing feelings. Like, I was like, oh, yeah,
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he's gonna go have fun. But yeah, I know you.
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Yeah. I am pretty transparent with that. I. Yeah,
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like you, if, if it was, it was gonna happen, like, you would tell me
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and it would be like, you know what I mean? Yeah. It's not. It would.
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You know, if I were to, if it were to be sexual, it would have
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been more in the moment. Yeah.
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You know, like, it just got hot and this just happened. Yeah. You know what
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I mean? But I couldn't plan to do something like that
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now just for, for fun's sake. For shits and giggles.
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I, I initially, those plans that I made this morning,
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I went ahead and already canceled because that's
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the kind of person that I, Yeah, like, I just, I, I have, I give
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myself anxiety and I'm like, you know what? I like, I told you, it has
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nothing to do with the people that are going to be there or anything like
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that for me, I'm like, I have
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to socialize with people. Yeah. Without my security blanket
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there. Yeah. And that's going to be a very anxious. A lot of
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people don't understand that because a lot of our friends can go
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to different things by themselves. Right. But it's,
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it's a different situation. It's not. You and I are.
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You're my best friend. Like, even if
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this wasn't a sexual relationship, we weren't married. Like, you are
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my best friend. So it's. I want to go everywhere
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with you. I want to be with you. I want to have fun with you,
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you know? And so when. When it changes,
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I. I knew right off the bat
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that it was gonna change. Yeah. And we're
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gonna have lots. You're gonna have lots of friends there. But it's just. It's not
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the same. Yeah. You know, I mean, I just don't.
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I just don't know. It's. It's one of those things. And I hate. My anxiety's
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gotten a lot better. Yeah. So I've come a long way from
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even the start of the podcast. Yes. I mean, just in the past
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four months, going out there and
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talking to more people. And then, of course, 2025 is.
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Is the year of confident Adam. Confident Adam that just canceled his
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plans. Well, I was confident that I wasn't going to see those plans through.
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I was confident. I mean, realistically,
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what's my favorite thing to do? Sit on my couch and watch my television.
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And so that's. What's. Why would I leave that? Yeah. You know, that's my comfort
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zone. So. But. But I will say that.
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That I am. I am doing way better. So I
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could just. Even me suggesting that I wanted
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to go. How did that feel? A big step.
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Yeah. How did that feel? So, first off, I had
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to play it off in my head. Cause I was like,
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how am I going to tell her this? Because you were driving.
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I was driving. And I. But all morning
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long, I was like, I. I think I want to do this now.
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How am I going to tell her this? And I was like, well, I'm going
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to have plenty of time to do it on the drive to work. Yeah.
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And so that's when, you know. But I didn't want to do it as soon
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as we got in the car because that's just like, bombardment. Yeah. You know,
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which is weird. Yeah. So I waited till we were about, I don't know,
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20, 30 minutes into the commute, and that's when I was
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like, by the way, I want to ask you.
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I want to ask you something. I've done a few of those today. Yes.
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I want to ask you something, and I just want you to keep an open
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mind. And let's see what you say.
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You were like, okay. And that's when I told you. And you were like,
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oh, yeah, sure. Yeah. I was like, is it cool? And you're
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like, yeah, sure. And that was nice.
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Yeah, that was very, very nice. And of
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course, like I had told you then I was like, you know,
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those plans may change. But yeah,
228
00:14:00,942 --> 00:14:04,302
yeah. I mean, it's just. It happens now. There's,
229
00:14:04,366 --> 00:14:07,966
you know, there's one or two friends out there that I am close
230
00:14:08,038 --> 00:14:11,406
to that if they contacted me and said, hey, you want to go to dinner
231
00:14:11,438 --> 00:14:14,268
or you want to do something like that, yeah, sure, I could do that.
232
00:14:14,324 --> 00:14:18,360
That's not a big deal. But you're talking about going to an event,
233
00:14:19,140 --> 00:14:22,280
you know, that who knows what could happen there?
234
00:14:22,660 --> 00:14:25,804
And, you know, you're my. You're my comfort, you're my security.
235
00:14:25,892 --> 00:14:29,880
I have no compersion for that. No comparison for that.
236
00:14:30,340 --> 00:14:34,540
So if I had gone. Yeah. And things had gotten sexual
237
00:14:34,700 --> 00:14:38,220
and you came home and I told you all about it, would you have had
238
00:14:38,260 --> 00:14:41,870
compersion for me or would you have had jealousy?
239
00:14:42,030 --> 00:14:45,806
It probably would have started off as jealousy. Yeah, for sure.
240
00:14:45,958 --> 00:14:49,134
I love how honest you are. Yeah, it probably would have started off as jealousy.
241
00:14:49,182 --> 00:14:52,702
And then I probably would have been like, all right,
242
00:14:52,806 --> 00:14:56,590
cool. Yeah. Because, you know, everybody that
243
00:14:56,710 --> 00:14:59,742
I am cool with. Yeah. And,
244
00:14:59,766 --> 00:15:02,654
you know, everybody that I'm not cool with, so it would have been somebody I
245
00:15:02,662 --> 00:15:05,684
was probably cool with. Right. And I just didn't get to see.
246
00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:08,580
Right. So I would have probably been like, dang it.
247
00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:12,552
But, yeah, no jealousy. And then probably very.
248
00:15:12,656 --> 00:15:15,912
Conversion, for sure. That's interesting. Yeah, that's interesting.
249
00:15:16,056 --> 00:15:19,112
You know, when. When we were poly is,
250
00:15:19,216 --> 00:15:22,712
like I said, that's. That's really where I learned the word conversion.
251
00:15:22,776 --> 00:15:26,792
That's really where they preach it often. And primarily
252
00:15:26,856 --> 00:15:30,600
because the different levels
253
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,380
of poly,
254
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:36,716
especially like kitchen table Polly, which. Oh,
255
00:15:36,748 --> 00:15:39,996
yeah. You know, everybody is. Yeah. You know.
256
00:15:40,068 --> 00:15:43,068
Yeah. An equal member of the. The relationship and.
257
00:15:43,124 --> 00:15:46,840
Right. And you have to. There's really no.
258
00:15:47,300 --> 00:15:50,732
There's really no real primary in that sort of thing.
259
00:15:50,836 --> 00:15:54,332
You know, it's like, these are my. These are my wives or
260
00:15:54,356 --> 00:15:57,080
this is my wife. This is my girlfriend or whatever. Yeah. You know,
261
00:15:57,540 --> 00:16:00,838
and. And I don't know, it. It's. It's gotta
262
00:16:00,854 --> 00:16:04,210
be very difficult to be able to
263
00:16:04,670 --> 00:16:08,530
practice conversion in. In situations like that.
264
00:16:09,230 --> 00:16:12,566
I think I could have done it. But like I said, you know, we have
265
00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:15,782
certain things that are very sacred to us.
266
00:16:15,886 --> 00:16:19,958
Yes. And I just don't know if I could share that.
267
00:16:20,094 --> 00:16:22,890
Yeah. So like, if you told me, hey,
268
00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:28,400
so. And so was going to take me to a comedy show
269
00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:32,112
and. And, you know, it's this comedian that he's been
270
00:16:32,136 --> 00:16:35,472
showing me and and he's really funny and
271
00:16:35,496 --> 00:16:39,776
that sort of. I'd be like, okay. And I don't think I would have conversion
272
00:16:39,808 --> 00:16:43,072
though. You'd have jealousy. I would, I would, I would
273
00:16:43,096 --> 00:16:46,112
say okay, and I would let you go. And then I would be like,
274
00:16:46,136 --> 00:16:49,840
oh. Isn'T that, isn't that funny that we probably.
275
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:53,956
I, I can tell you most times it's conversion
276
00:16:53,988 --> 00:16:57,748
comes after the fact. Is that right? Yeah. It's not something
277
00:16:57,804 --> 00:17:01,524
that immediately comes in for me. I'm a very,
278
00:17:01,612 --> 00:17:04,820
I'm, I'm just a very jealous person. I do not care.
279
00:17:04,860 --> 00:17:08,356
I get jealous about anything and everything. I mean it.
280
00:17:08,428 --> 00:17:12,052
And it doesn't have to be directly from you. I get jealous if my
281
00:17:12,076 --> 00:17:15,332
kids do something. And you know what I mean? Like, I'm just, I'm just that
282
00:17:15,356 --> 00:17:18,160
type. But it does,
283
00:17:18,460 --> 00:17:21,812
Jealousy does come way before conversion,
284
00:17:21,876 --> 00:17:25,588
like for me. So I don't have the jealousy.
285
00:17:25,684 --> 00:17:29,092
But yeah, it, conversion, you're right. For me,
286
00:17:29,116 --> 00:17:32,724
it doesn't, it doesn't hit right away. Yeah. And is it hitting
287
00:17:32,772 --> 00:17:36,516
now? Because now it's kind of like changing. Our things are changing, our dynamics
288
00:17:36,548 --> 00:17:40,160
are changing. And you're noticing that I'm a little bit.
289
00:17:40,940 --> 00:17:44,246
Go with the flow. Yeah. And it makes it so much
290
00:17:44,318 --> 00:17:47,942
easier. Activities are different. You know, things like that are different.
291
00:17:48,126 --> 00:17:51,494
Do you feel like you have more compersion now or do you feel
292
00:17:51,502 --> 00:17:55,350
like it's always coming up? You know, I've always had
293
00:17:55,390 --> 00:17:58,614
conversion for you. Yeah. So you're such a sweet guy.
294
00:17:58,742 --> 00:18:02,310
So I've never really struggled too much with it. Yeah.
295
00:18:02,470 --> 00:18:05,878
But I do know that after all this time,
296
00:18:05,934 --> 00:18:09,852
like now that you're starting to kind of let, let go and starting to
297
00:18:09,876 --> 00:18:13,260
enjoy things and you're starting to be more vocal about
298
00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:16,908
what you want and, and who you want. Yeah. And having
299
00:18:16,964 --> 00:18:20,028
these experiences. Yeah, I,
300
00:18:20,084 --> 00:18:23,340
I, I, it's coming up more and I'm kind of like,
301
00:18:23,460 --> 00:18:27,240
cool, you know? Yeah. There are
302
00:18:27,860 --> 00:18:31,276
people out there that really want you. Yeah.
303
00:18:31,388 --> 00:18:35,244
And sometimes, like, if there's a, like I'll,
304
00:18:35,292 --> 00:18:37,978
I'll, I'll be like, wow, this, that's a really attractive woman.
305
00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:41,338
And she will express interest in, in only you.
306
00:18:41,394 --> 00:18:44,550
And I'm like, I'm happy for you.
307
00:18:46,050 --> 00:18:49,162
Good for you. You're so funny. And then
308
00:18:49,186 --> 00:18:52,634
I just go to the Persian. Yeah. Conversion. Yeah,
309
00:18:52,682 --> 00:18:56,058
yeah, yeah. No, I know. I mean, I know it's a,
310
00:18:56,194 --> 00:19:01,080
it's definitely something that, that needs to be practiced,
311
00:19:01,110 --> 00:19:04,468
that should be practiced. I mean, you know, everyone lives their own lives
312
00:19:04,524 --> 00:19:07,876
and is a, is a certain way, but conversion
313
00:19:07,908 --> 00:19:11,252
is a very Nice and thoughtful aspect
314
00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:14,692
to add. I think so. I like the example
315
00:19:14,756 --> 00:19:18,240
that they. They wrote here. It's kind of funny. It says,
316
00:19:19,020 --> 00:19:21,412
do you need your read? I gotta. I have to pull this. I have to
317
00:19:21,436 --> 00:19:24,420
pull this away. Yes, I know. So I can see a little cheaters. No,
318
00:19:24,460 --> 00:19:27,780
I'm good. Imagine seeing your partner smiling and
319
00:19:27,820 --> 00:19:31,896
laughing while. While on a date with another person. And instead
320
00:19:31,928 --> 00:19:35,304
of feeling threatened or jealous, you feel happy
321
00:19:35,352 --> 00:19:38,540
for them and their experience. Yeah.
322
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:41,992
No, I can see your face. No, no, you're not. You're not digging that at
323
00:19:42,016 --> 00:19:45,784
all. Honestly, I'm. For me, I mean, if it happens immediately
324
00:19:45,832 --> 00:19:48,664
for somebody like the conversion feeling, the feeling of, aw,
325
00:19:48,752 --> 00:19:52,620
look at my. Look at my love, and being all cutesy.
326
00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:56,892
Great. Good for you, man. You are in
327
00:19:56,916 --> 00:20:00,320
a very healthy relationship. And kudos.
328
00:20:01,060 --> 00:20:04,412
Fuck that. I am a toxic bitch. No, I will not be
329
00:20:04,436 --> 00:20:07,692
there. I will be sharpening my knives and then slowly put them away and be
330
00:20:07,716 --> 00:20:11,212
like, remember. But, you know, I know
331
00:20:11,236 --> 00:20:15,080
what you're capable of. Oh, yeah. And with that,
332
00:20:15,460 --> 00:20:19,020
it just makes me thankful for where we're at right now, for sure.
333
00:20:19,140 --> 00:20:22,572
Because I know the. I know the jealous person that you are. You come
334
00:20:22,596 --> 00:20:25,984
from a jealous family. It is in your. It's not only in your nature,
335
00:20:26,172 --> 00:20:29,976
it's in your genes. It's in your DNA. Jealousy is a part of it.
336
00:20:30,048 --> 00:20:33,208
Yeah. You come from very jealous people. Yeah.
337
00:20:33,384 --> 00:20:37,592
But also on the other side
338
00:20:37,616 --> 00:20:41,060
of that hand, I come from very jealous people.
339
00:20:41,360 --> 00:20:44,680
And my sisters were very jealous, and my
340
00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:48,760
cousins were like, my family is jealous.
341
00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:52,568
They're jealous. And they're haters of people who have stuff that they don't
342
00:20:52,584 --> 00:20:55,818
have. You've never heard that. And I think I.
343
00:20:55,874 --> 00:20:58,890
I'm not like that because I don't like them.
344
00:20:59,010 --> 00:21:02,790
Right. And I don't want to be like them. Yeah. And so I think
345
00:21:03,250 --> 00:21:07,482
from a. From an early age, I wanted to do
346
00:21:07,506 --> 00:21:11,226
whatever the opposite was. And when probably probably
347
00:21:11,258 --> 00:21:15,114
noticed when I was, like, in my late teens, the jealousies
348
00:21:15,162 --> 00:21:18,714
and the hatred that they. They put on other people. See, I didn't learn that.
349
00:21:18,802 --> 00:21:21,908
And I said, nope, I. I'm not doing that, because that sounds
350
00:21:21,924 --> 00:21:25,060
ugly. Yeah. I didn't learn that for a long. Time, but I.
351
00:21:25,100 --> 00:21:28,276
I don't think you learned that until we got together. Yeah.
352
00:21:28,468 --> 00:21:32,292
Yeah. Well, no, I knew my jealousy was an issue
353
00:21:32,396 --> 00:21:35,940
from my first marriage. Yeah. And so with my second marriage,
354
00:21:36,020 --> 00:21:38,708
I was not jealous. I could care less.
355
00:21:38,844 --> 00:21:43,764
Oh, that's. And then I got with you and jealousy.
356
00:21:43,892 --> 00:21:47,258
Yeah. For sure. Yeah. Yeah. Not that anything
357
00:21:47,274 --> 00:21:50,330
that you did see the first One did a lot of things that just made
358
00:21:50,370 --> 00:21:53,530
me feel insecure and jealous. Right. When I got with you,
359
00:21:53,570 --> 00:21:57,434
it was just, just, just plain old jealousy. Because. Past trauma.
360
00:21:57,562 --> 00:22:00,730
Just past trauma. Yeah. Yeah. And I,
361
00:22:00,770 --> 00:22:04,330
you know, I never had any reason to not
362
00:22:04,370 --> 00:22:08,122
trust you. And so for me, I had
363
00:22:08,146 --> 00:22:11,098
no reason to be jealous, you know.
364
00:22:11,234 --> 00:22:14,454
Plus, I, I, I always thought you and still do think you're
365
00:22:14,502 --> 00:22:17,622
incredibly hot. Like, you're incredibly hot. Like you
366
00:22:17,646 --> 00:22:21,254
are top notch, girl. You are finer than a peanut butter jelly
367
00:22:21,302 --> 00:22:24,490
sandwich. But a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
368
00:22:25,310 --> 00:22:28,790
So I like to dote on you.
369
00:22:28,830 --> 00:22:32,166
I like to show you off. To me it's,
370
00:22:32,278 --> 00:22:35,862
you're, you're, you're my trophy wife. As, as funny
371
00:22:35,926 --> 00:22:39,030
as that may sound to you, you're my trophy wife.
372
00:22:39,190 --> 00:22:42,598
So I get regarded because of
373
00:22:42,654 --> 00:22:46,022
the good looking piece of wool on
374
00:22:46,046 --> 00:22:49,094
my arm. Oh, I get, you know what I mean? So, okay,
375
00:22:49,222 --> 00:22:53,574
yeah. Oh yeah, you're, you're a good looking lady.
376
00:22:53,702 --> 00:22:57,030
And so all eyes are on you when you walk through
377
00:22:57,070 --> 00:23:00,118
the door and guess who's on your arm. Well, this guy, you know,
378
00:23:00,174 --> 00:23:03,094
sexy man. Yeah. So I get to, I get to catch a little bit of
379
00:23:03,102 --> 00:23:06,790
attention. Yes. I get to, hey, you're a hottie. In your own right,
380
00:23:06,830 --> 00:23:10,352
sir. You know, I, I, so I, because of
381
00:23:10,376 --> 00:23:13,440
that, I like to, I like the fact that people
382
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:16,704
are checking you out. I like the fact that, that people
383
00:23:16,792 --> 00:23:20,400
come up to me and go, wow, you're a lucky guy. I like that.
384
00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:25,300
It makes me feel good. And so it's easy for me to celebrate
385
00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:29,008
you. I got it. Yeah. And how, you know,
386
00:23:29,064 --> 00:23:32,656
celebrate your wins, like when somebody expresses interest
387
00:23:32,728 --> 00:23:36,296
in you or you get to actually have the kind of play
388
00:23:36,368 --> 00:23:40,136
experience that you've been wanting to have. Right. It's, it's easy
389
00:23:40,168 --> 00:23:44,100
for me to be like, yeah, that's cool, you know, good for you.
390
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:47,784
I don't know. That's just the way I've always been. That's the atom theory.
391
00:23:47,832 --> 00:23:50,872
That's the atom theory. It's pretty good theory, dude.
392
00:23:51,016 --> 00:23:54,216
I, I, I, I, I find it, I mean, interesting.
393
00:23:54,328 --> 00:24:01,198
You know, we, we explained it to our friend and now he's,
394
00:24:01,344 --> 00:24:04,850
I guess you wouldn't say using it is putting it in the forefront of his
395
00:24:04,890 --> 00:24:08,018
head. Yeah. Putting it to practice.
396
00:24:08,194 --> 00:24:11,698
Putting it to practice. Yeah. That's the thing about it is
397
00:24:11,754 --> 00:24:15,554
I, I don't know if it's necessarily natural to anybody.
398
00:24:15,682 --> 00:24:19,042
No, it cannot be. I mean, I'm sure there's some people,
399
00:24:19,146 --> 00:24:22,706
there's a person here and there that it is absolutely natural,
400
00:24:22,738 --> 00:24:26,690
Todd. But I I don't think, for the most part, all of us
401
00:24:26,730 --> 00:24:30,396
were raised, you know, in a certain way to feel
402
00:24:30,468 --> 00:24:33,836
those jealousies and those insecurities. We're brought
403
00:24:33,868 --> 00:24:37,180
up with it on television and in books and movies.
404
00:24:37,260 --> 00:24:40,860
It's. It's everywhere. It happens to your neighbors, to your friends,
405
00:24:40,900 --> 00:24:45,244
to your family. It happens, you know, it's everywhere. And so it's
406
00:24:45,292 --> 00:24:48,476
not in our nature to feel conversion
407
00:24:48,668 --> 00:24:52,556
naturally. And so it really is
408
00:24:52,628 --> 00:24:56,370
a theory that you have to practice
409
00:24:56,790 --> 00:25:00,014
and practice and practice and practice every day.
410
00:25:00,182 --> 00:25:03,662
Yeah. Until it just becomes second nature. It's kind of
411
00:25:03,686 --> 00:25:07,054
like when we decided we were going to be more positive.
412
00:25:07,182 --> 00:25:10,910
Right. You know, I don't know if you remember, but after several years
413
00:25:10,950 --> 00:25:14,462
of us being together, I was like, I can't. I don't. I don't know what
414
00:25:14,486 --> 00:25:17,742
it is that's. That's. I feel like everything's going wrong,
415
00:25:17,806 --> 00:25:20,862
nothing's going right. And I'm thinking maybe it's my way
416
00:25:20,886 --> 00:25:24,398
of thinking because you see these positive people out there and
417
00:25:24,454 --> 00:25:28,348
they're so happy and everything's so great. Maybe there's something
418
00:25:28,404 --> 00:25:32,236
to this. And so it took me a good
419
00:25:32,308 --> 00:25:36,204
couple of months to be able to be used to
420
00:25:36,292 --> 00:25:39,852
being positive and changing my perception
421
00:25:39,996 --> 00:25:43,692
on. On different things. And I
422
00:25:43,716 --> 00:25:47,340
kept having to remind myself, nope, you're not feeling that way.
423
00:25:47,460 --> 00:25:50,604
You're. You're going to be positive. Nope, you're. You're not going
424
00:25:50,612 --> 00:25:53,582
to put that negativity out there, you know? And I just kept.
425
00:25:53,726 --> 00:25:57,726
Kept on with myself, you know, just over and over again. And now
426
00:25:57,798 --> 00:26:01,086
it's a natural thing. I'm more positive. And it's
427
00:26:01,118 --> 00:26:04,526
because I practice it all the time, and it's just become second nature.
428
00:26:04,638 --> 00:26:07,742
And it's the same thing with compersion. Like I said, it's not a, it's not
429
00:26:07,766 --> 00:26:11,006
a natural thing for most. Right. And so you really.
430
00:26:11,078 --> 00:26:14,650
It takes work to practice that.
431
00:26:15,350 --> 00:26:19,210
But at the same time, there's a difference between
432
00:26:19,570 --> 00:26:24,150
compersion and expressing conversion and being
433
00:26:24,770 --> 00:26:28,010
a doormat. Yeah. You know, and letting people
434
00:26:28,050 --> 00:26:31,050
walk all over you. So, I mean, that's where it's hard. Right. Because like,
435
00:26:31,090 --> 00:26:33,642
for me, I don't want to tell you. No. Right.
436
00:26:33,746 --> 00:26:37,322
So I feel like sometimes that's probably going
437
00:26:37,346 --> 00:26:39,962
to be the case where I have to kind of tell you. Yes, well,
438
00:26:39,986 --> 00:26:43,578
see, so you don't want to tell me. No, but at the same
439
00:26:43,634 --> 00:26:46,746
time, because. I still want to make you happy. Right. But you,
440
00:26:46,818 --> 00:26:50,890
you also have to trust the fact that I would never try and do
441
00:26:50,930 --> 00:26:54,346
anything that I don't think you would approve of. Right.
442
00:26:54,498 --> 00:26:56,842
So, like, the conversion part of it, like, you know what I mean? Like,
443
00:26:56,866 --> 00:27:00,710
I still don't want to. Like, I. I'll say yes to things and it's like.
444
00:27:01,170 --> 00:27:04,790
Like, if I ask you if I can play separately with somebody and you're like,
445
00:27:05,090 --> 00:27:08,426
yeah, okay. Yeah. You know? Yeah.
446
00:27:08,538 --> 00:27:11,450
It's like, I'm not gonna have. But realistically. Yeah,
447
00:27:11,610 --> 00:27:14,754
realistically. Well, I mean, if you tell me, hey,
448
00:27:14,802 --> 00:27:17,970
I'm gonna go play with somebody one on one.
449
00:27:18,090 --> 00:27:21,666
Yeah. You know, here and there, whatever. I'm gonna be like, fuck,
450
00:27:21,698 --> 00:27:25,666
yeah. That's fucking hot. Yeah, that sounds great. Right? And so I'm
451
00:27:25,698 --> 00:27:29,330
not gonna be like, well, I celebrate your win there. Good for you.
452
00:27:29,450 --> 00:27:32,258
I'm glad that you set that up because it's different for you.
453
00:27:32,314 --> 00:27:35,826
Yeah. You're a girl, and you don't really have to try hard to hook
454
00:27:35,858 --> 00:27:39,430
up with somebody. You know what I mean? I'm a guy,
455
00:27:39,820 --> 00:27:43,652
and it's very different. There's a ton of us out there,
456
00:27:43,836 --> 00:27:48,148
and to be able to get the attention
457
00:27:48,324 --> 00:27:52,020
of somebody that I find attractive and get
458
00:27:52,060 --> 00:27:55,364
them to find me attractive, for one,
459
00:27:55,452 --> 00:27:59,188
physically, is a feat. But then on top of that,
460
00:27:59,244 --> 00:28:03,380
I have to establish a connection so
461
00:28:03,420 --> 00:28:07,394
that we can both feel comfortable enough to even
462
00:28:07,482 --> 00:28:11,538
consider playing, much less playing solo.
463
00:28:11,714 --> 00:28:15,250
You know what I mean? Yeah. So if I tell you, hey, I.
464
00:28:15,370 --> 00:28:18,626
I think I can set this up. Is it cool? Yeah.
465
00:28:18,818 --> 00:28:22,146
You gotta kind of respect all of the work that has gone
466
00:28:22,178 --> 00:28:25,618
into. Into even getting to that level, because, man,
467
00:28:25,674 --> 00:28:28,754
it is. It's just not that easy. Have like one of those popping
468
00:28:28,802 --> 00:28:32,370
confetti things and be like, yay for your
469
00:28:32,410 --> 00:28:35,682
win. It's just really not that. It's not as. I understand that, like,
470
00:28:35,706 --> 00:28:39,310
if. If I was a woman, I could. I would
471
00:28:39,350 --> 00:28:42,862
probably be more like you in that, you know,
472
00:28:42,886 --> 00:28:45,502
hey, you know, we don't. We don't have to go out. We don't have to
473
00:28:45,526 --> 00:28:48,782
talk that much. I feel like I. I trust you. I know you.
474
00:28:48,806 --> 00:28:51,982
I think we can have sex. Let's do this. Yeah. There's not a whole lot
475
00:28:52,006 --> 00:28:54,510
of women that are like that. Not to say that they're. They don't exist.
476
00:28:54,590 --> 00:28:58,270
Obviously, you're here, and I'm sure there are others, but for the
477
00:28:58,310 --> 00:29:02,142
most part, most people, most women that
478
00:29:02,166 --> 00:29:05,902
I've. I've come across need that connection. They need to establish
479
00:29:05,966 --> 00:29:09,162
that. That bond of some sort. They need to
480
00:29:09,186 --> 00:29:12,202
know they like you and trust you and feel safe with you before they will
481
00:29:12,226 --> 00:29:15,546
even consider playing with you. That's true. Like, they should But I'm
482
00:29:15,578 --> 00:29:18,590
just. If I've met you once. Twice. Met you twice,
483
00:29:18,930 --> 00:29:21,530
we're good. Yeah. Yeah. But.
484
00:29:21,570 --> 00:29:25,210
Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. It's an interesting
485
00:29:25,290 --> 00:29:28,922
thing. It is an interesting thing.
486
00:29:29,026 --> 00:29:32,282
But, you know, with that, I. I feel like
487
00:29:32,306 --> 00:29:35,946
we've. We've learned a lot. Oh, for sure. Yeah. Because we've
488
00:29:35,978 --> 00:29:40,058
spread the word. We've spread the word. If you haven't heard, it is
489
00:29:40,114 --> 00:29:43,802
not Adam's theory. It is called conversion. Yes. And if
490
00:29:43,826 --> 00:29:47,482
you can be happy for your spouse or
491
00:29:47,506 --> 00:29:51,066
your partner or whatever you want to refer to them as,
492
00:29:51,218 --> 00:29:54,346
be happy for them. You know, and try, really try. It takes
493
00:29:54,378 --> 00:29:57,722
work, but you got to give it a try and try and put
494
00:29:57,826 --> 00:30:01,316
compersion. Not conversion. Not conversion.
495
00:30:01,428 --> 00:30:05,268
Compersion. Compersion. I like the atom theory. C O,
496
00:30:05,324 --> 00:30:08,484
M, P E, R S I O, N. All right.
497
00:30:08,572 --> 00:30:11,396
Yeah. In case you need to spell it. Anyways, guys,
498
00:30:11,508 --> 00:30:15,300
thank you so much for tuning in this week. We really appreciate it.
499
00:30:15,340 --> 00:30:18,692
We love all the love and support. Thank you for the messages
500
00:30:18,756 --> 00:30:22,388
and the outcoming. You know, just all the. All the love that you guys
501
00:30:22,404 --> 00:30:26,052
have been giving us. Yes. And also, if you don't already
502
00:30:26,156 --> 00:30:30,050
follow us on social media, please, please follow us. We are on
503
00:30:30,090 --> 00:30:34,338
TikTok. It's beyond underscore monogamy,
504
00:30:34,514 --> 00:30:37,790
underscore life. The number two
505
00:30:38,090 --> 00:30:41,842
also posted on our Facebooks and we
506
00:30:41,866 --> 00:30:44,834
have Instagram. Like, follow us. Yeah, yeah,
507
00:30:44,882 --> 00:30:47,298
follow us. Because we do put out other content.
508
00:30:47,434 --> 00:30:50,882
Yes. And it's fun and it's enjoyable. We do
509
00:30:50,906 --> 00:30:54,054
a lot of videos and a lot of vaudeville acts. No,
510
00:30:54,062 --> 00:30:57,942
I'm just kidding. But we, we do. We, we. We love conversing
511
00:30:58,006 --> 00:31:01,766
with our audience. So if there are any suggestions
512
00:31:01,958 --> 00:31:05,398
for topics or people that you're interested in hearing about
513
00:31:05,454 --> 00:31:08,566
or whatever. We are, we got our ears
514
00:31:08,598 --> 00:31:12,710
to the ground, man. And so we look forward to hearing from you guys.
515
00:31:12,870 --> 00:31:16,470
Outside of that, I wish you guys a wonderful week and we
516
00:31:16,510 --> 00:31:19,110
will see you guys next week.
00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:23,704
This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. We explore topics
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00:00:23,752 --> 00:00:27,116
surrounding sexuality, intimate relationships, and related
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00:00:27,188 --> 00:00:30,364
subjects in an open and candid manner. Please be advised
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00:00:30,412 --> 00:00:33,996
that we are not licensed marriage or sex therapists, and the content
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shared here is for entertainment and informational purposes only.
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If you are under 18 years of age or prefer not to engage with discussions
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00:00:41,532 --> 00:00:45,196
about sex, relationships or mature language, we strongly
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00:00:45,228 --> 00:00:48,812
recommend that you refrain from listening further. However, if you are of
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00:00:48,836 --> 00:00:52,348
legal age and comfortable with this content, we invite you to settle in
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00:00:52,404 --> 00:00:56,564
and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome
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to another episode of Beyond Monogamy. I'm Adam.
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And I'm Pris. And welcome to our Wednesday quickie.
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We are going to be discussing compersion.
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Compersion. Compersion. Honey, what does compersion mean?
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Compersion. Compersion. You know,
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compersion. Compersion is a funny term that
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I had never heard of until we started looking into Polygon.
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Oh. But essentially, compersion is
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the feeling of happiness and joy derived from
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witnessing a partner's happiness and positive experiences,
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even when those experiences involve other people.
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Often seen as the opposite of jealousy.
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So that feeling of jealousy that you get whenever you. You see your
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spouse, you know, you're familiar with it. When you've seen your spouse
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give somebody else attention or kiss them a certain way
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or whatever, that feeling of jealousy that kind of goes,
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oh, he should not be doing that, or she should not be doing
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that. This is the opposite of that. Okay. This is where you're happy
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for your spouse. Okay. Yeah, I can see that
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now. It's. It's primarily used in
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poly. It's. It's.
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It's not as referred to in the lifestyle as.
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As much as you hear it in the poly lifestyle. Wow.
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And it should be. It should be. I mean, because it's a feeling and
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it's a feeling that. That most. The jealous.
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The jealous part is most people. I feel like most
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people fight with that. Yeah. Struggle with that. Well, I mean. So the
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official definition of conversion is a
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positive emotion often described as sympathetic
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joy or vicarious joy,
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where someone feels happy and fulfilled when their partner is experiencing
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joy. Oh. Especially in a romantic and
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or sexual context. You have a lot of compersion for me.
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I do, I do. I'm getting. I'm getting there.
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You're getting there? Yeah. You know, where I
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kind of have a little bit of difficulties and where
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this comes to play and it's like, you should be. You should have more compersion
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is when. When you see your significant.
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You see your partner smiling about something Or.
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Or being giddy about something and you're like, hello,
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I say the same thing. I do the same thing. What the hell?
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I mean, I don't get like that anymore, but you know what I mean?
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Like, it's. It's a little thing. We actually had to discuss this with a friend.
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We had to explain. Explain to them what conversion
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is and what is. What does he call
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00:03:37,106 --> 00:03:40,762
it now? He calls it the atom theory. The atom theory. And I was
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like, I did not invent this. You did not? No, but you did.
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I was like, oh, my gosh, that's a really good thing.
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Well, so the. Here's the thing. When we entered
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poly, we did so for. For me,
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for one primary sole purpose, which was for
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you to be able to experience a relationship with a
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woman. Right. Because you had never had that. Well, we started off with
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a guy. I was going to date a guy. Like,
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we were just opening it up. Okay. Yeah. And then it went to women.
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Yeah. But that was the idea from the start, was that you were eventually going
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to have a relationship with a woman. Right. Right. And that's
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realistically what you wanted out of it. And because
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you wanted that. I wanted that for you.
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Yeah. And I felt
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happy. Like your wins were my wins as far as I was concerned. Like,
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I was like, oh, shit, she's. She's meeting somebody and she's talking to
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this person and this and that. And you seemed happy at
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some certain points. I'm rarely jealous,
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though. Yes, rarely. It does come up, but I'm
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rarely jealous. Yeah. And you're rarely
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vocally jealous. I'm rarely vocally jealous.
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That's fair. That's fair. I am rarely jealous.
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And so it was easy for me to feel
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conversion for you for all of your wins. Yeah.
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Especially when it came to sexual. Because I'm into the whole hot wife thing.
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So I like to see you satisfied, whether it's me or somebody else.
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Yeah. I like to see you happy.
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It's. It took a little getting used to to see you smile
85
00:05:27,036 --> 00:05:30,316
or get giddy when it came to somebody else.
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Did it? Just a bit. Okay. Just a little bit.
87
00:05:33,524 --> 00:05:36,828
Yeah. Even now? No. No. So, like, there was,
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there was. You had told me that you'd spoken to
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a friend who is in the vanilla world who you've
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00:05:43,516 --> 00:05:46,860
kind of have a thing for, and he was a little
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flirty with you and you kind of got giddy and
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you got like this little school girlish kind of way,
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and I thought it was cute. I was
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like, oh, okay. Like, I don't even Know if you have
95
00:06:01,460 --> 00:06:05,308
a crush on somebody? Well, I can't say. I can't even allude to it
96
00:06:05,364 --> 00:06:08,572
because I think that person actually may be
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listening. Okay. Possibly so, you know, it's like,
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00:06:12,012 --> 00:06:15,802
I, I, I thought that was cute. I didn't really get jealous, but I did
99
00:06:15,906 --> 00:06:19,190
take a step back and go, oh, wow, that's something I've never seen before.
100
00:06:20,850 --> 00:06:24,698
Because even when you were dating, you didn't really get like that. I don't now.
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I think now I am getting into my,
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00:06:28,450 --> 00:06:32,010
my fun phase where it's easier. I can
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have compersion for you now. So you mentioned
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that probably, I don't know, a couple weeks ago. Yeah. And you said,
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I think I'm starting to get. Get that. I think I'm starting to get.
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I am, I'm starting to get that I'm a very,
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I'm a very selfish person when it comes to stuff like that.
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Like. Yeah. And the fact like, I just don't want
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to be happy for you. I mean.
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00:06:57,154 --> 00:07:01,258
Yeah. I just don't. It's like, whatever. But now it's.
111
00:07:01,434 --> 00:07:04,906
Oh yeah, I get it. I, I see it. You know,
112
00:07:05,058 --> 00:07:08,772
it's not, I feel like my territorial
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00:07:08,836 --> 00:07:11,620
and my jealousy,
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00:07:11,700 --> 00:07:15,300
let's be honest, still comes to play way more
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than conversion. It's definitely not. Even now
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00:07:18,476 --> 00:07:21,604
they're not as much like I'm not. Because you remember how I
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00:07:21,612 --> 00:07:24,916
was. I was very, very territorial, very jealous. And I still
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am the same. Even sexually. Yeah. Yes,
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00:07:28,644 --> 00:07:32,542
even sexually. So I do have more compersion than
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00:07:32,566 --> 00:07:35,534
I do jealousy and territorialness.
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Interesting. Yeah. And I, and, and honestly,
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00:07:39,502 --> 00:07:43,054
it's just because it's just a different phase in our life now
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that I can actually feel that it's,
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00:07:46,862 --> 00:07:50,094
it's very open, very trans. Not transactional,
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but very transparent. Transparent.
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And so it makes it easier for me to have the conversion.
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For me to be happy for you, for me to be like, oh, okay,
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cool. So when would you say that you first realized that
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00:08:04,376 --> 00:08:07,260
you were starting to feel this way?
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00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:10,896
Honestly, like recently.
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Like how recently? Like,
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00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:18,000
like maybe a month ago. Oh man. Yeah. That's awesome.
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Yeah. And it's not something that I need to always remember.
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Like I kind of can make
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everything seem vanilla ish in my head. Okay,
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00:08:28,944 --> 00:08:32,592
so for instance, like, you were
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gonna go out this weekend, right. Or. Yeah. Right. And so stuff like
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00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:40,000
that, that couldn't have happened two
139
00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:43,184
years ago. It wouldn't have even been a discussion. Wouldn't have been a discussion.
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Yeah. Right. Because I love you,
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but you've never done anything bad. But I just, I'm not
142
00:08:49,816 --> 00:08:53,520
a trusting person. Right. And so it's, it's that.
143
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And so I was like, okay. But now I was
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like, oh, that's gonna be so cool for him. You know, he's gonna go have
145
00:08:59,694 --> 00:09:03,142
fun, he's gonna come back home to me. Like,
146
00:09:03,166 --> 00:09:05,174
you know what I mean? So I was like, oh, that's gonna be good for
147
00:09:05,182 --> 00:09:08,342
you. So, yeah, the compersion doesn't, doesn't come to play all the time,
148
00:09:08,366 --> 00:09:11,382
but it does play sometimes. Yeah. Yeah.
149
00:09:11,526 --> 00:09:14,918
Now. So that was. If I was,
150
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if I was to go. It, if I was to go out this past weekend
151
00:09:18,934 --> 00:09:23,376
or this coming weekend, initially, it wasn't going to be sexual.
152
00:09:23,488 --> 00:09:26,960
Right. When you found out that there was a chance it could be
153
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sexual, did that change things for you?
154
00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:34,112
No. No, because I know you.
155
00:09:34,216 --> 00:09:37,820
Well, what does that mean? Like, you,
156
00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:43,024
you don't know how to really relax if I'm not
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there. That's. That's a good point. And you
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get. Although the thought is exciting and whatnot,
159
00:09:51,940 --> 00:09:55,612
you. You still get a little nervous, you know?
160
00:09:55,716 --> 00:09:59,804
And unless that person knows that and that person is willing to
161
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be a little gentle or whatever, then it's all good.
162
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But, yeah, no, I, I had no,
163
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no changing feelings. Like, I was like, oh, yeah,
164
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he's gonna go have fun. But yeah, I know you.
165
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Yeah. I am pretty transparent with that. I. Yeah,
166
00:10:17,556 --> 00:10:20,484
like you, if, if it was, it was gonna happen, like, you would tell me
167
00:10:20,492 --> 00:10:23,860
and it would be like, you know what I mean? Yeah. It's not. It would.
168
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You know, if I were to, if it were to be sexual, it would have
169
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been more in the moment. Yeah.
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You know, like, it just got hot and this just happened. Yeah. You know what
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I mean? But I couldn't plan to do something like that
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now just for, for fun's sake. For shits and giggles.
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I, I initially, those plans that I made this morning,
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I went ahead and already canceled because that's
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the kind of person that I, Yeah, like, I just, I, I have, I give
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myself anxiety and I'm like, you know what? I like, I told you, it has
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nothing to do with the people that are going to be there or anything like
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that for me, I'm like, I have
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to socialize with people. Yeah. Without my security blanket
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there. Yeah. And that's going to be a very anxious. A lot of
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people don't understand that because a lot of our friends can go
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to different things by themselves. Right. But it's,
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it's a different situation. It's not. You and I are.
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You're my best friend. Like, even if
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this wasn't a sexual relationship, we weren't married. Like, you are
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my best friend. So it's. I want to go everywhere
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with you. I want to be with you. I want to have fun with you,
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you know? And so when. When it changes,
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I. I knew right off the bat
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that it was gonna change. Yeah. And we're
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gonna have lots. You're gonna have lots of friends there. But it's just. It's not
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the same. Yeah. You know, I mean, I just don't.
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I just don't know. It's. It's one of those things. And I hate. My anxiety's
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gotten a lot better. Yeah. So I've come a long way from
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even the start of the podcast. Yes. I mean, just in the past
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four months, going out there and
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talking to more people. And then, of course, 2025 is.
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Is the year of confident Adam. Confident Adam that just canceled his
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plans. Well, I was confident that I wasn't going to see those plans through.
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I was confident. I mean, realistically,
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what's my favorite thing to do? Sit on my couch and watch my television.
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And so that's. What's. Why would I leave that? Yeah. You know, that's my comfort
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zone. So. But. But I will say that.
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That I am. I am doing way better. So I
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could just. Even me suggesting that I wanted
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to go. How did that feel? A big step.
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Yeah. How did that feel? So, first off, I had
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to play it off in my head. Cause I was like,
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how am I going to tell her this? Because you were driving.
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I was driving. And I. But all morning
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long, I was like, I. I think I want to do this now.
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How am I going to tell her this? And I was like, well, I'm going
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to have plenty of time to do it on the drive to work. Yeah.
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And so that's when, you know. But I didn't want to do it as soon
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as we got in the car because that's just like, bombardment. Yeah. You know,
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which is weird. Yeah. So I waited till we were about, I don't know,
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20, 30 minutes into the commute, and that's when I was
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like, by the way, I want to ask you.
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I want to ask you something. I've done a few of those today. Yes.
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I want to ask you something, and I just want you to keep an open
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mind. And let's see what you say.
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You were like, okay. And that's when I told you. And you were like,
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oh, yeah, sure. Yeah. I was like, is it cool? And you're
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like, yeah, sure. And that was nice.
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Yeah, that was very, very nice. And of
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course, like I had told you then I was like, you know,
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those plans may change. But yeah,
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yeah. I mean, it's just. It happens now. There's,
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you know, there's one or two friends out there that I am close
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to that if they contacted me and said, hey, you want to go to dinner
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or you want to do something like that, yeah, sure, I could do that.
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That's not a big deal. But you're talking about going to an event,
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you know, that who knows what could happen there?
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And, you know, you're my. You're my comfort, you're my security.
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I have no compersion for that. No comparison for that.
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So if I had gone. Yeah. And things had gotten sexual
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and you came home and I told you all about it, would you have had
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compersion for me or would you have had jealousy?
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It probably would have started off as jealousy. Yeah, for sure.
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I love how honest you are. Yeah, it probably would have started off as jealousy.
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And then I probably would have been like, all right,
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cool. Yeah. Because, you know, everybody that
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I am cool with. Yeah. And,
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you know, everybody that I'm not cool with, so it would have been somebody I
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was probably cool with. Right. And I just didn't get to see.
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Right. So I would have probably been like, dang it.
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But, yeah, no jealousy. And then probably very.
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Conversion, for sure. That's interesting. Yeah, that's interesting.
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You know, when. When we were poly is,
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like I said, that's. That's really where I learned the word conversion.
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That's really where they preach it often. And primarily
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because the different levels
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of poly,
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especially like kitchen table Polly, which. Oh,
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yeah. You know, everybody is. Yeah. You know.
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Yeah. An equal member of the. The relationship and.
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Right. And you have to. There's really no.
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There's really no real primary in that sort of thing.
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You know, it's like, these are my. These are my wives or
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this is my wife. This is my girlfriend or whatever. Yeah. You know,
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and. And I don't know, it. It's. It's gotta
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be very difficult to be able to
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practice conversion in. In situations like that.
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I think I could have done it. But like I said, you know, we have
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certain things that are very sacred to us.
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Yes. And I just don't know if I could share that.
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Yeah. So like, if you told me, hey,
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so. And so was going to take me to a comedy show
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and. And, you know, it's this comedian that he's been
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showing me and and he's really funny and
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that sort of. I'd be like, okay. And I don't think I would have conversion
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though. You'd have jealousy. I would, I would, I would
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say okay, and I would let you go. And then I would be like,
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oh. Isn'T that, isn't that funny that we probably.
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I, I can tell you most times it's conversion
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comes after the fact. Is that right? Yeah. It's not something
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that immediately comes in for me. I'm a very,
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I'm, I'm just a very jealous person. I do not care.
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I get jealous about anything and everything. I mean it.
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And it doesn't have to be directly from you. I get jealous if my
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kids do something. And you know what I mean? Like, I'm just, I'm just that
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type. But it does,
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Jealousy does come way before conversion,
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like for me. So I don't have the jealousy.
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But yeah, it, conversion, you're right. For me,
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it doesn't, it doesn't hit right away. Yeah. And is it hitting
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now? Because now it's kind of like changing. Our things are changing, our dynamics
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are changing. And you're noticing that I'm a little bit.
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Go with the flow. Yeah. And it makes it so much
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easier. Activities are different. You know, things like that are different.
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Do you feel like you have more compersion now or do you feel
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like it's always coming up? You know, I've always had
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conversion for you. Yeah. So you're such a sweet guy.
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So I've never really struggled too much with it. Yeah.
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But I do know that after all this time,
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like now that you're starting to kind of let, let go and starting to
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enjoy things and you're starting to be more vocal about
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what you want and, and who you want. Yeah. And having
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these experiences. Yeah, I,
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I, I, it's coming up more and I'm kind of like,
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cool, you know? Yeah. There are
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people out there that really want you. Yeah.
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And sometimes, like, if there's a, like I'll,
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I'll, I'll be like, wow, this, that's a really attractive woman.
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And she will express interest in, in only you.
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And I'm like, I'm happy for you.
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Good for you. You're so funny. And then
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I just go to the Persian. Yeah. Conversion. Yeah,
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yeah, yeah. No, I know. I mean, I know it's a,
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it's definitely something that, that needs to be practiced,
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that should be practiced. I mean, you know, everyone lives their own lives
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and is a, is a certain way, but conversion
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is a very Nice and thoughtful aspect
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to add. I think so. I like the example
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that they. They wrote here. It's kind of funny. It says,
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do you need your read? I gotta. I have to pull this. I have to
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pull this away. Yes, I know. So I can see a little cheaters. No,
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I'm good. Imagine seeing your partner smiling and
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laughing while. While on a date with another person. And instead
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of feeling threatened or jealous, you feel happy
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for them and their experience. Yeah.
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No, I can see your face. No, no, you're not. You're not digging that at
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all. Honestly, I'm. For me, I mean, if it happens immediately
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for somebody like the conversion feeling, the feeling of, aw,
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look at my. Look at my love, and being all cutesy.
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Great. Good for you, man. You are in
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a very healthy relationship. And kudos.
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Fuck that. I am a toxic bitch. No, I will not be
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there. I will be sharpening my knives and then slowly put them away and be
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like, remember. But, you know, I know
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what you're capable of. Oh, yeah. And with that,
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it just makes me thankful for where we're at right now, for sure.
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Because I know the. I know the jealous person that you are. You come
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from a jealous family. It is in your. It's not only in your nature,
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it's in your genes. It's in your DNA. Jealousy is a part of it.
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Yeah. You come from very jealous people. Yeah.
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But also on the other side
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of that hand, I come from very jealous people.
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And my sisters were very jealous, and my
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cousins were like, my family is jealous.
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They're jealous. And they're haters of people who have stuff that they don't
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have. You've never heard that. And I think I.
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I'm not like that because I don't like them.
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Right. And I don't want to be like them. Yeah. And so I think
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from a. From an early age, I wanted to do
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whatever the opposite was. And when probably probably
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noticed when I was, like, in my late teens, the jealousies
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and the hatred that they. They put on other people. See, I didn't learn that.
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And I said, nope, I. I'm not doing that, because that sounds
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ugly. Yeah. I didn't learn that for a long. Time, but I.
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I don't think you learned that until we got together. Yeah.
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Yeah. Well, no, I knew my jealousy was an issue
353
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from my first marriage. Yeah. And so with my second marriage,
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I was not jealous. I could care less.
355
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Oh, that's. And then I got with you and jealousy.
356
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Yeah. For sure. Yeah. Yeah. Not that anything
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that you did see the first One did a lot of things that just made
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me feel insecure and jealous. Right. When I got with you,
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it was just, just, just plain old jealousy. Because. Past trauma.
360
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Just past trauma. Yeah. Yeah. And I,
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you know, I never had any reason to not
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trust you. And so for me, I had
363
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no reason to be jealous, you know.
364
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Plus, I, I, I always thought you and still do think you're
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incredibly hot. Like, you're incredibly hot. Like you
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are top notch, girl. You are finer than a peanut butter jelly
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sandwich. But a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
368
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So I like to dote on you.
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I like to show you off. To me it's,
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you're, you're, you're my trophy wife. As, as funny
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as that may sound to you, you're my trophy wife.
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So I get regarded because of
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the good looking piece of wool on
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my arm. Oh, I get, you know what I mean? So, okay,
375
00:22:49,222 --> 00:22:53,574
yeah. Oh yeah, you're, you're a good looking lady.
376
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And so all eyes are on you when you walk through
377
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the door and guess who's on your arm. Well, this guy, you know,
378
00:23:00,174 --> 00:23:03,094
sexy man. Yeah. So I get to, I get to catch a little bit of
379
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attention. Yes. I get to, hey, you're a hottie. In your own right,
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sir. You know, I, I, so I, because of
381
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that, I like to, I like the fact that people
382
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:16,704
are checking you out. I like the fact that, that people
383
00:23:16,792 --> 00:23:20,400
come up to me and go, wow, you're a lucky guy. I like that.
384
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It makes me feel good. And so it's easy for me to celebrate
385
00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:29,008
you. I got it. Yeah. And how, you know,
386
00:23:29,064 --> 00:23:32,656
celebrate your wins, like when somebody expresses interest
387
00:23:32,728 --> 00:23:36,296
in you or you get to actually have the kind of play
388
00:23:36,368 --> 00:23:40,136
experience that you've been wanting to have. Right. It's, it's easy
389
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for me to be like, yeah, that's cool, you know, good for you.
390
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:47,784
I don't know. That's just the way I've always been. That's the atom theory.
391
00:23:47,832 --> 00:23:50,872
That's the atom theory. It's pretty good theory, dude.
392
00:23:51,016 --> 00:23:54,216
I, I, I, I, I find it, I mean, interesting.
393
00:23:54,328 --> 00:24:01,198
You know, we, we explained it to our friend and now he's,
394
00:24:01,344 --> 00:24:04,850
I guess you wouldn't say using it is putting it in the forefront of his
395
00:24:04,890 --> 00:24:08,018
head. Yeah. Putting it to practice.
396
00:24:08,194 --> 00:24:11,698
Putting it to practice. Yeah. That's the thing about it is
397
00:24:11,754 --> 00:24:15,554
I, I don't know if it's necessarily natural to anybody.
398
00:24:15,682 --> 00:24:19,042
No, it cannot be. I mean, I'm sure there's some people,
399
00:24:19,146 --> 00:24:22,706
there's a person here and there that it is absolutely natural,
400
00:24:22,738 --> 00:24:26,690
Todd. But I I don't think, for the most part, all of us
401
00:24:26,730 --> 00:24:30,396
were raised, you know, in a certain way to feel
402
00:24:30,468 --> 00:24:33,836
those jealousies and those insecurities. We're brought
403
00:24:33,868 --> 00:24:37,180
up with it on television and in books and movies.
404
00:24:37,260 --> 00:24:40,860
It's. It's everywhere. It happens to your neighbors, to your friends,
405
00:24:40,900 --> 00:24:45,244
to your family. It happens, you know, it's everywhere. And so it's
406
00:24:45,292 --> 00:24:48,476
not in our nature to feel conversion
407
00:24:48,668 --> 00:24:52,556
naturally. And so it really is
408
00:24:52,628 --> 00:24:56,370
a theory that you have to practice
409
00:24:56,790 --> 00:25:00,014
and practice and practice and practice every day.
410
00:25:00,182 --> 00:25:03,662
Yeah. Until it just becomes second nature. It's kind of
411
00:25:03,686 --> 00:25:07,054
like when we decided we were going to be more positive.
412
00:25:07,182 --> 00:25:10,910
Right. You know, I don't know if you remember, but after several years
413
00:25:10,950 --> 00:25:14,462
of us being together, I was like, I can't. I don't. I don't know what
414
00:25:14,486 --> 00:25:17,742
it is that's. That's. I feel like everything's going wrong,
415
00:25:17,806 --> 00:25:20,862
nothing's going right. And I'm thinking maybe it's my way
416
00:25:20,886 --> 00:25:24,398
of thinking because you see these positive people out there and
417
00:25:24,454 --> 00:25:28,348
they're so happy and everything's so great. Maybe there's something
418
00:25:28,404 --> 00:25:32,236
to this. And so it took me a good
419
00:25:32,308 --> 00:25:36,204
couple of months to be able to be used to
420
00:25:36,292 --> 00:25:39,852
being positive and changing my perception
421
00:25:39,996 --> 00:25:43,692
on. On different things. And I
422
00:25:43,716 --> 00:25:47,340
kept having to remind myself, nope, you're not feeling that way.
423
00:25:47,460 --> 00:25:50,604
You're. You're going to be positive. Nope, you're. You're not going
424
00:25:50,612 --> 00:25:53,582
to put that negativity out there, you know? And I just kept.
425
00:25:53,726 --> 00:25:57,726
Kept on with myself, you know, just over and over again. And now
426
00:25:57,798 --> 00:26:01,086
it's a natural thing. I'm more positive. And it's
427
00:26:01,118 --> 00:26:04,526
because I practice it all the time, and it's just become second nature.
428
00:26:04,638 --> 00:26:07,742
And it's the same thing with compersion. Like I said, it's not a, it's not
429
00:26:07,766 --> 00:26:11,006
a natural thing for most. Right. And so you really.
430
00:26:11,078 --> 00:26:14,650
It takes work to practice that.
431
00:26:15,350 --> 00:26:19,210
But at the same time, there's a difference between
432
00:26:19,570 --> 00:26:24,150
compersion and expressing conversion and being
433
00:26:24,770 --> 00:26:28,010
a doormat. Yeah. You know, and letting people
434
00:26:28,050 --> 00:26:31,050
walk all over you. So, I mean, that's where it's hard. Right. Because like,
435
00:26:31,090 --> 00:26:33,642
for me, I don't want to tell you. No. Right.
436
00:26:33,746 --> 00:26:37,322
So I feel like sometimes that's probably going
437
00:26:37,346 --> 00:26:39,962
to be the case where I have to kind of tell you. Yes, well,
438
00:26:39,986 --> 00:26:43,578
see, so you don't want to tell me. No, but at the same
439
00:26:43,634 --> 00:26:46,746
time, because. I still want to make you happy. Right. But you,
440
00:26:46,818 --> 00:26:50,890
you also have to trust the fact that I would never try and do
441
00:26:50,930 --> 00:26:54,346
anything that I don't think you would approve of. Right.
442
00:26:54,498 --> 00:26:56,842
So, like, the conversion part of it, like, you know what I mean? Like,
443
00:26:56,866 --> 00:27:00,710
I still don't want to. Like, I. I'll say yes to things and it's like.
444
00:27:01,170 --> 00:27:04,790
Like, if I ask you if I can play separately with somebody and you're like,
445
00:27:05,090 --> 00:27:08,426
yeah, okay. Yeah. You know? Yeah.
446
00:27:08,538 --> 00:27:11,450
It's like, I'm not gonna have. But realistically. Yeah,
447
00:27:11,610 --> 00:27:14,754
realistically. Well, I mean, if you tell me, hey,
448
00:27:14,802 --> 00:27:17,970
I'm gonna go play with somebody one on one.
449
00:27:18,090 --> 00:27:21,666
Yeah. You know, here and there, whatever. I'm gonna be like, fuck,
450
00:27:21,698 --> 00:27:25,666
yeah. That's fucking hot. Yeah, that sounds great. Right? And so I'm
451
00:27:25,698 --> 00:27:29,330
not gonna be like, well, I celebrate your win there. Good for you.
452
00:27:29,450 --> 00:27:32,258
I'm glad that you set that up because it's different for you.
453
00:27:32,314 --> 00:27:35,826
Yeah. You're a girl, and you don't really have to try hard to hook
454
00:27:35,858 --> 00:27:39,430
up with somebody. You know what I mean? I'm a guy,
455
00:27:39,820 --> 00:27:43,652
and it's very different. There's a ton of us out there,
456
00:27:43,836 --> 00:27:48,148
and to be able to get the attention
457
00:27:48,324 --> 00:27:52,020
of somebody that I find attractive and get
458
00:27:52,060 --> 00:27:55,364
them to find me attractive, for one,
459
00:27:55,452 --> 00:27:59,188
physically, is a feat. But then on top of that,
460
00:27:59,244 --> 00:28:03,380
I have to establish a connection so
461
00:28:03,420 --> 00:28:07,394
that we can both feel comfortable enough to even
462
00:28:07,482 --> 00:28:11,538
consider playing, much less playing solo.
463
00:28:11,714 --> 00:28:15,250
You know what I mean? Yeah. So if I tell you, hey, I.
464
00:28:15,370 --> 00:28:18,626
I think I can set this up. Is it cool? Yeah.
465
00:28:18,818 --> 00:28:22,146
You gotta kind of respect all of the work that has gone
466
00:28:22,178 --> 00:28:25,618
into. Into even getting to that level, because, man,
467
00:28:25,674 --> 00:28:28,754
it is. It's just not that easy. Have like one of those popping
468
00:28:28,802 --> 00:28:32,370
confetti things and be like, yay for your
469
00:28:32,410 --> 00:28:35,682
win. It's just really not that. It's not as. I understand that, like,
470
00:28:35,706 --> 00:28:39,310
if. If I was a woman, I could. I would
471
00:28:39,350 --> 00:28:42,862
probably be more like you in that, you know,
472
00:28:42,886 --> 00:28:45,502
hey, you know, we don't. We don't have to go out. We don't have to
473
00:28:45,526 --> 00:28:48,782
talk that much. I feel like I. I trust you. I know you.
474
00:28:48,806 --> 00:28:51,982
I think we can have sex. Let's do this. Yeah. There's not a whole lot
475
00:28:52,006 --> 00:28:54,510
of women that are like that. Not to say that they're. They don't exist.
476
00:28:54,590 --> 00:28:58,270
Obviously, you're here, and I'm sure there are others, but for the
477
00:28:58,310 --> 00:29:02,142
most part, most people, most women that
478
00:29:02,166 --> 00:29:05,902
I've. I've come across need that connection. They need to establish
479
00:29:05,966 --> 00:29:09,162
that. That bond of some sort. They need to
480
00:29:09,186 --> 00:29:12,202
know they like you and trust you and feel safe with you before they will
481
00:29:12,226 --> 00:29:15,546
even consider playing with you. That's true. Like, they should But I'm
482
00:29:15,578 --> 00:29:18,590
just. If I've met you once. Twice. Met you twice,
483
00:29:18,930 --> 00:29:21,530
we're good. Yeah. Yeah. But.
484
00:29:21,570 --> 00:29:25,210
Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. It's an interesting
485
00:29:25,290 --> 00:29:28,922
thing. It is an interesting thing.
486
00:29:29,026 --> 00:29:32,282
But, you know, with that, I. I feel like
487
00:29:32,306 --> 00:29:35,946
we've. We've learned a lot. Oh, for sure. Yeah. Because we've
488
00:29:35,978 --> 00:29:40,058
spread the word. We've spread the word. If you haven't heard, it is
489
00:29:40,114 --> 00:29:43,802
not Adam's theory. It is called conversion. Yes. And if
490
00:29:43,826 --> 00:29:47,482
you can be happy for your spouse or
491
00:29:47,506 --> 00:29:51,066
your partner or whatever you want to refer to them as,
492
00:29:51,218 --> 00:29:54,346
be happy for them. You know, and try, really try. It takes
493
00:29:54,378 --> 00:29:57,722
work, but you got to give it a try and try and put
494
00:29:57,826 --> 00:30:01,316
compersion. Not conversion. Not conversion.
495
00:30:01,428 --> 00:30:05,268
Compersion. Compersion. I like the atom theory. C O,
496
00:30:05,324 --> 00:30:08,484
M, P E, R S I O, N. All right.
497
00:30:08,572 --> 00:30:11,396
Yeah. In case you need to spell it. Anyways, guys,
498
00:30:11,508 --> 00:30:15,300
thank you so much for tuning in this week. We really appreciate it.
499
00:30:15,340 --> 00:30:18,692
We love all the love and support. Thank you for the messages
500
00:30:18,756 --> 00:30:22,388
and the outcoming. You know, just all the. All the love that you guys
501
00:30:22,404 --> 00:30:26,052
have been giving us. Yes. And also, if you don't already
502
00:30:26,156 --> 00:30:30,050
follow us on social media, please, please follow us. We are on
503
00:30:30,090 --> 00:30:34,338
TikTok. It's beyond underscore monogamy,
504
00:30:34,514 --> 00:30:37,790
underscore life. The number two
505
00:30:38,090 --> 00:30:41,842
also posted on our Facebooks and we
506
00:30:41,866 --> 00:30:44,834
have Instagram. Like, follow us. Yeah, yeah,
507
00:30:44,882 --> 00:30:47,298
follow us. Because we do put out other content.
508
00:30:47,434 --> 00:30:50,882
Yes. And it's fun and it's enjoyable. We do
509
00:30:50,906 --> 00:30:54,054
a lot of videos and a lot of vaudeville acts. No,
510
00:30:54,062 --> 00:30:57,942
I'm just kidding. But we, we do. We, we. We love conversing
511
00:30:58,006 --> 00:31:01,766
with our audience. So if there are any suggestions
512
00:31:01,958 --> 00:31:05,398
for topics or people that you're interested in hearing about
513
00:31:05,454 --> 00:31:08,566
or whatever. We are, we got our ears
514
00:31:08,598 --> 00:31:12,710
to the ground, man. And so we look forward to hearing from you guys.
515
00:31:12,870 --> 00:31:16,470
Outside of that, I wish you guys a wonderful week and we
516
00:31:16,510 --> 00:31:19,110
will see you guys next week.