QUICKIE: Sexual Assault in the Lifestyle: Why Consent Still Matters in Swinging and Non-Monogamy Spaces”

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Alright y'all, before we
dive in, a quick heads up.

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This show is raw, real, and
definitely not rated pg.

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We're talking about adult themes, sexual
content, and the kind of stuff you

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probably don't want blasting through your
speakers at work or around your kits.

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So grab some headphones, pour your
drink of choice and get comfy.

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Oh, and just so we're clear, we are not
licensed therapists, counselors, or sex.

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Couches.

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Sex coaches.

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Sex coaches, not sex couches

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or just a couple of people sharing our
lives, experiences and sexy adventures.

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An ethical non-monogamy.

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So with that, pull up a
chair and enjoy the show.

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And.

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Hello and welcome to Beyond Monogamy.

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I'm Adam.

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And I'm Pris.

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And on today's quickie, it's
isn't our usual sexy banter.

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So sorry guys.

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It's something heavier.

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But way too important to stay quiet about.

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Yeah.

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We're talking about something that happens
more often than people want to admit.

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Sexual assault within the lifestyle.

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Yeah.

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We warned you.

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Mm-hmm.

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It's heavy.

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Mm-hmm.

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Uh, because yes, it does happen here too.

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And pretending it doesn't is
how people keep getting hurt.

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And I did wanna point out
something really quick, guys.

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If this, um, triggers you,
please just don't listen to

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this episode and we apologize.

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But, um, we hope that you're healing
and we're just gonna continue.

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Yeah, absolutely.

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You know, this is one that, that hits
close to home for us and for many others.

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Yeah, I mean, we've heard a lot
of stories and, I think that.

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A lot of people tend to see the
flashing lights and the fun partying.

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Mm-hmm.

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And this and that.

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Mm-hmm.

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Mm-hmm.

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That people fail to remember that
Yes, although sex is involved,

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there are plenty of times Oh, where
people have been sexually assaulted.

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Now I say people.

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Mm-hmm.

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Because it's not always just women.

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No.

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Yeah, no, it is, it is.

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Sometimes it's men, some, I mean,
this right here hits really close to.

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It's a home.

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Yeah.

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And not only because it's happened
to us, it's more because for

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me, I just wanna protect women.

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I know you're saying
it's both and it is both.

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Yeah.

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I just wanna be there and I wanna
protect women and I feel like

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this should be a safe environment.

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And sometimes, well, you've
always been an advocate for women.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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I really have.

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And one of the biggest
misconceptions is consent.

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The, everyone thinks that, oh,
because I'm in the lifestyle, you

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automatically have my consent.

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Yeah.

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How many times has that happened?

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A lot.

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Right?

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A lot.

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Now, see, and this is, this
is where things get muddled.

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Okay.

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Because while I am a big
advocate for consent mm-hmm.

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For everyone else, mm-hmm.

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For me personally.

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Consent is like depending on the person.

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Like I will straight up tell
a person, you have my full

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consent to do whatever you want.

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Whenever.

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Yes.

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Like, I like you, you're good.

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Mm-hmm.

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You know what I mean?

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Now that doesn't hold up for everybody.

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No.

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But a lot of times, like if we're
walking around in a club, you've seen it.

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Somebody greets me with a
full, uh, make out kiss.

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Mm-hmm.

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Um.

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I'm okay with that.

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See?

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And I've seen it done without even, and,
and it is really sad because women will

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ask other women if they can be touched.

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Men will ask women, but
nobody asks the guy.

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No, and I've, and that's why I
said I've, I've heard a lot of

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stories actually from other men.

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It, they're not as loud or as prominent
when it comes to talking about it.

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Yeah.

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Uh, because there is a.
I machismo stigma to it.

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Mm-hmm.

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It's like, how are you gonna
complain that a girl's touching you?

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You know what I mean?

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Yeah.

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Like, that's old school way of thinking.

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Yeah.

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Uh, but realistically if it's not invited,
if it's not wanted, it's, I mean, salt.

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I see.

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You get assaulted all the time.

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Well, yeah, and, and I. I get,
like I don't get upset about it.

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It's more of, dude, you didn't even ask.

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Like you didn't even ask, like ask Yeah.

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You know, you don't want me to go
up to your husband and be like, rah.

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You'd probably be like,
why didn't you ask me?

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You know, rules are different for
different people and they are.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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And it's really, it's really sad because
there's, you know, they think, oh,

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lifestyle, oh, free for all, you know?

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Yeah.

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But just because somebody's in,
in the lifestyle doesn't mean

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that they're always open to play.

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No.

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As a matter of fact, we know a
lot of people in the lifestyle

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who are, who rarely play.

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Mm-hmm.

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Mm-hmm.

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Uh, just because either they're.

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They're looking for the right vibe, but
they're trying to find the right tribe.

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They're looking for the right couple.

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Mm-hmm.

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Uh, whatever it is.

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You know, this, this goes back to the
misconception that swinging is basically

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just a a, a big group orgy, nonstop.

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Yeah.

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And it's not Yeah.

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It's a misconception.

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No.

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Yeah.

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It is a very big misconception.

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And even within like
certain place bases, right?

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So say if I am already
with one person and.

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Their wife or their partner
is right next to 'em, and now

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I'm gonna engage with them.

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It's still, you still
wanna ask for that consent.

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It's new person, new consent, new day.

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New consent, new day.

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Yeah.

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'cause how I was feeling last night
does not mean the same that I'm gonna

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be feeling the next time you see me.

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It is.

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Moods.

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Read the room.

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People read the room.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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So, yeah, that's for sure.

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You know it.

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This is where, um.

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You know, like I said, I'm, I'm
a big advocate for this, but this

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is really your this is my baby.

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This is your baby right here.

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I love this because like I said, you
have always been an advocate for women.

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Mm-hmm.

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But what I've noticed is in the
lifestyle, there's a lot of people

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who haven't found their voice.

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Yeah.

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There's a lot of people who don't
know how to express their No.

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Mm-hmm.

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And even me, I took several years
to figure out how to find that.

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No.

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Yeah.

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Because I don't wanna hurt any feelings.

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Yeah.

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I don't wanna, I don't wanna, I had
somebody that was grabbing on me that I

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didn't like and I didn't feel comfortable
with, and it happened over and over again,

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but I didn't wanna make her feel bad.

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Mm-hmm.

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So I never said anything.

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Mm-hmm.

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All I did was I ended
up just avoiding her.

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Yeah.

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And that is.

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Not sustainable.

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No.

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Like you can't avoid someone.

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So only sold.

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And I, and you see that
happen all the time.

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I avoid a lot of people that I
know get get intoxicated at the

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clubs and not because they've ever
touched me because they just don't.

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It's mainly because I know
what they're gonna do.

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And this is men.

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Men, right?

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Women.

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I would have to avoid most of the club.

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I love you.

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Yeah.

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And, and it's great guys, and it's awesome
to be around you, but consent is consent

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and I do not care if you're intoxicated.

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You have to ask there's a fine line.

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Like, you know, you're gonna get
to a point where you, you don't

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even know what you're doing.

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It's like, hmm.

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You know, I, I, I do notice
that a lot of times when.

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There's an issue like this.

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Mm-hmm.

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Alcohol is often involved.

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Mm-hmm.

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Um, and usually, and I'm not shaming
anybody for drinking, you know,

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everybody's got their own vices.

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Mm-hmm.

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Uh, but obviously intoxication
does not make a good night.

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And every, every story that
we've heard and every encounter

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that we've had, mm-hmm.

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It's always been the
person was intoxicated.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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And.

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Yeah.

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You know, it could be funny.

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And the first time they're like, ha, stop.

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Stop.

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You have to put your firm.

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You have to have that firm.

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Tone to you when you're
telling somebody stop.

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Right.

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You have to make it mean something.

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So.

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Well, and you know, that's the thing
about it, and this is something that I've

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heard often and it's unfortunate because
it comes out as victim shaming, but what

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a lot of people say is, well, why didn't
you put a stop to it right then and there?

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Do you know how, how difficult that is?

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Uh, you know.

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Do you know that trauma victims, when
they're assaulted, they completely freeze.

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Most people freeze really in the moment
of any type of uncomfortable touch.

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I did not know that.

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Mm-hmm.

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I did not know that.

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Uh, but I, I do know from my own
experiences, I didn't feel comfortable

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saying anything, and so it.

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My go-to is joking and just kind
of move away and laugh it off.

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Mm-hmm.

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I know women who have done that.

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I know that you have done that.

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Oh yeah.

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And it's because you don't
want to cause a scene.

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You don't want to be a jerk because if
you cause a scene in a a lifestyle event,

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people aren't going to point the finger
at the person who's doing the assaulting.

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People are gonna point the finger
at the person causing the scene.

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Mm-hmm.

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And that's, that's always the case.

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Always.

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And I, I don't know why there's
such a, a culture of victim

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shaming and labeling on that.

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Because, I understand that some
people have used this as a weapon.

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Oh, of course.

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00:09:07,149 --> 00:09:11,199
And maybe been not so honest
about the, about what they said.

257
00:09:11,249 --> 00:09:12,359
But at the same time.

258
00:09:13,189 --> 00:09:14,959
That's something you take very seriously.

259
00:09:14,989 --> 00:09:15,949
Oh yeah, for sure.

260
00:09:15,949 --> 00:09:23,359
And it's like you, I feel like a lot of
women just don't, and I'm gonna say women

261
00:09:23,359 --> 00:09:30,229
because men I know that don't wanna hurt
feelings, but I very rarely see it when

262
00:09:30,229 --> 00:09:32,119
men get uncomfortable with the situation.

263
00:09:32,449 --> 00:09:36,679
I see more women and so I'm just
speaking as a woman, I feel like.

264
00:09:38,029 --> 00:09:41,689
There's a lot of things that we
can do as a community to help each

265
00:09:41,689 --> 00:09:44,749
other when things like this happen.

266
00:09:45,254 --> 00:09:46,189
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

267
00:09:46,249 --> 00:09:52,759
Like we have a lot of single friends and
they're all females and they will come

268
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:55,939
with us to the club, but we're not always
together, like they go do their thing.

269
00:09:56,659 --> 00:09:58,864
My one thing is, what's your safe word?

270
00:09:59,804 --> 00:10:01,304
Tell me what your safe word is.

271
00:10:01,354 --> 00:10:02,794
What is your go-to thing?

272
00:10:02,824 --> 00:10:02,974
Yeah.

273
00:10:02,979 --> 00:10:05,209
You've worked out code
systems for people before.

274
00:10:05,209 --> 00:10:08,494
I have worked out, I've worked out code
systems, I've worked out hand signals.

275
00:10:08,544 --> 00:10:13,404
And I also tell Adam what it is because I,
I'm like, I need you to know what this is.

276
00:10:13,644 --> 00:10:14,924
This is I'm not around.

277
00:10:14,924 --> 00:10:15,224
Yeah.

278
00:10:15,404 --> 00:10:19,994
And always I feel like we need to go
back to when our moms were raising

279
00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:21,619
us as teenagers, going to the mall.

280
00:10:22,759 --> 00:10:25,639
That's kind of difficult because not
everybody was raised the same way.

281
00:10:25,789 --> 00:10:26,449
You know what I'm saying?

282
00:10:26,509 --> 00:10:30,439
I mean, my mom would always tell me, even
when I would go to my the's house, my

283
00:10:30,439 --> 00:10:36,619
aunt and uncle's house, watch who's around
you don't let anybody grab your hand.

284
00:10:36,799 --> 00:10:36,889
Mm-hmm.

285
00:10:37,129 --> 00:10:38,419
When you like, stay together.

286
00:10:38,419 --> 00:10:38,509
Yeah.

287
00:10:38,509 --> 00:10:39,409
You and your cousins.

288
00:10:39,409 --> 00:10:41,779
It should always be like, and I
feel like we need to go back to

289
00:10:41,779 --> 00:10:45,079
that guys clusters being clusters.

290
00:10:45,079 --> 00:10:50,139
You know what the, a big problem is, is
that and I've, I've been guilty of it.

291
00:10:50,784 --> 00:10:56,274
Seeing something uhhuh, whether
it be some, you know, you can, you

292
00:10:56,274 --> 00:11:01,284
can look off to the side and see
people arguing or maybe there's

293
00:11:01,284 --> 00:11:03,294
some struggle you notice right away.

294
00:11:03,294 --> 00:11:04,164
Yeah, most of the time.

295
00:11:04,194 --> 00:11:04,344
Yeah.

296
00:11:04,764 --> 00:11:08,034
But a lot of times we don't
know exactly what's going on.

297
00:11:08,034 --> 00:11:12,684
We don't know the situation and so a lot
of us don't want to just go up to him and,

298
00:11:12,734 --> 00:11:14,504
and try and play the hero and go, Hey.

299
00:11:15,059 --> 00:11:16,019
Leave her alone.

300
00:11:16,139 --> 00:11:16,349
Yeah.

301
00:11:16,379 --> 00:11:18,929
When we don't know the situation
and that sort of thing.

302
00:11:19,019 --> 00:11:20,639
I, um, it's difficult.

303
00:11:20,699 --> 00:11:23,669
I have stopped people and
I'm like, are you good?

304
00:11:25,019 --> 00:11:25,559
Are y'all good?

305
00:11:25,589 --> 00:11:26,519
Are is she okay?

306
00:11:26,939 --> 00:11:27,179
Yeah.

307
00:11:27,209 --> 00:11:28,379
Like it's just, but it's, no, I know.

308
00:11:28,379 --> 00:11:31,289
But that's, that's something that
I think a lot of people have felt.

309
00:11:31,599 --> 00:11:31,899
Yes.

310
00:11:31,899 --> 00:11:34,104
But they don't, they don't
want to themselves over steps.

311
00:11:34,119 --> 00:11:34,419
Yeah.

312
00:11:34,479 --> 00:11:35,169
Yes, exactly.

313
00:11:35,169 --> 00:11:35,919
Yes, exactly.

314
00:11:35,919 --> 00:11:38,139
'cause I have, I'm like, oh my
gosh, I don't wanna say anything.

315
00:11:38,139 --> 00:11:38,649
But then I'm like.

316
00:11:38,934 --> 00:11:40,764
I'm gonna feel so bad
if something happens.

317
00:11:41,274 --> 00:11:43,069
Yeah, that's really the way
you gotta think about it.

318
00:11:43,069 --> 00:11:47,564
I saw, I saw somebody this weekend get
chastised by her guy that she was with,

319
00:11:47,564 --> 00:11:51,134
and I was like, I wanted to go over
there to him and tell him something.

320
00:11:51,134 --> 00:11:53,564
'cause I was like, man,
maybe she wasn't ready.

321
00:11:53,954 --> 00:11:57,704
Maybe she wasn't ready to give
her consent on that, you know?

322
00:11:57,704 --> 00:11:58,094
Yeah, yeah.

323
00:11:58,214 --> 00:12:00,654
Well, you know, and that's, that's
the reason why we have this podcast.

324
00:12:00,654 --> 00:12:00,714
Yeah.

325
00:12:00,714 --> 00:12:04,204
You can talk about it openly, and
hopefully the right ears will hear it.

326
00:12:04,534 --> 00:12:04,984
Oh, that's good.

327
00:12:05,014 --> 00:12:05,344
Yeah.

328
00:12:05,344 --> 00:12:05,824
You like that?

329
00:12:05,914 --> 00:12:06,364
I do.

330
00:12:06,364 --> 00:12:06,874
That was good.

331
00:12:06,879 --> 00:12:07,129
Mm-hmm.

332
00:12:07,234 --> 00:12:07,444
Yeah.

333
00:12:07,964 --> 00:12:13,414
You know, the big issue I think
because we try to provide a

334
00:12:13,414 --> 00:12:15,934
safe space for ourselves mm-hmm.

335
00:12:16,174 --> 00:12:17,614
But also for anybody.

336
00:12:17,734 --> 00:12:17,914
Mm-hmm.

337
00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:21,544
Uh, you know, if, if we just
met and we're at the club.

338
00:12:21,589 --> 00:12:21,649
Yeah.

339
00:12:22,159 --> 00:12:27,739
And you are feeling uncomfortable
or unsafe, just come up to us.

340
00:12:27,859 --> 00:12:28,069
Oh, yeah.

341
00:12:28,129 --> 00:12:31,669
Um, or find a bartender or find
somebody and explain to them,

342
00:12:31,669 --> 00:12:33,859
Hey, somebody's bothering me.

343
00:12:33,859 --> 00:12:37,009
I just need somebody to
help me get out of this.

344
00:12:37,369 --> 00:12:37,519
Yeah.

345
00:12:37,519 --> 00:12:41,224
There's a lot of people that
will play that role for you.

346
00:12:41,419 --> 00:12:44,609
There is, there's a lot
us being that way as well.

347
00:12:44,609 --> 00:12:45,599
We are always that way.

348
00:12:45,599 --> 00:12:49,349
If you ever see us and you need a
little safe space, that is what we.

349
00:12:49,844 --> 00:12:50,954
We're there for Yeah.

350
00:12:50,954 --> 00:12:56,774
Like, we're, we will take care of
you and be, you know, the wall.

351
00:12:57,194 --> 00:12:57,524
Yeah.

352
00:12:57,524 --> 00:12:58,129
Nobody can get through.

353
00:12:58,134 --> 00:12:59,444
And we've had to do that before.

354
00:12:59,444 --> 00:12:59,534
Mm-hmm.

355
00:12:59,724 --> 00:13:00,049
With people.

356
00:13:00,054 --> 00:13:00,224
Mm-hmm.

357
00:13:00,304 --> 00:13:04,159
And, and you know, the thing about
it is, is that you don't know.

358
00:13:04,159 --> 00:13:09,409
You could be talking to somebody who is
sober as a bird one minute, and you're

359
00:13:09,409 --> 00:13:11,479
loving every bit of that interaction.

360
00:13:11,479 --> 00:13:12,619
Everything is great.

361
00:13:12,889 --> 00:13:14,599
You think this person is awesome.

362
00:13:14,699 --> 00:13:16,349
And then that person walks away.

363
00:13:17,594 --> 00:13:23,039
Gets drunk and before, you know, it
gets very handsy with somebody mm-hmm.

364
00:13:23,045 --> 00:13:24,134
Thinking that it's okay.

365
00:13:24,234 --> 00:13:26,334
And you may like that person.

366
00:13:26,334 --> 00:13:31,024
You may have enjoyed that person but
that doesn't change what they did.

367
00:13:31,114 --> 00:13:31,384
Yeah.

368
00:13:31,549 --> 00:13:31,769
And.

369
00:13:32,824 --> 00:13:35,524
When that happens, you know,
it's a, it's a bummer for me.

370
00:13:35,524 --> 00:13:35,794
It is.

371
00:13:35,974 --> 00:13:39,124
I've, I've run into this before
where I've really liked somebody,

372
00:13:39,544 --> 00:13:43,534
but then that's happened and I've
been like, well, you know, as much

373
00:13:43,534 --> 00:13:45,304
as I like you as a person mm-hmm.

374
00:13:45,724 --> 00:13:47,464
I cannot stay in this friendship.

375
00:13:47,524 --> 00:13:49,774
'cause I don't, I don't
want to be a part of that.

376
00:13:49,774 --> 00:13:50,044
Yeah.

377
00:13:50,384 --> 00:13:51,404
We've had people who.

378
00:13:52,334 --> 00:13:54,434
Every time they go out, they get drunk.

379
00:13:54,614 --> 00:13:54,884
Yes.

380
00:13:54,914 --> 00:13:58,974
And every couple days later, they're
always saying, well, I, I messed up.

381
00:13:59,064 --> 00:13:59,934
I messed up again.

382
00:14:00,024 --> 00:14:00,174
Nope.

383
00:14:00,174 --> 00:14:00,444
You know?

384
00:14:00,444 --> 00:14:01,314
And it's like, Nope.

385
00:14:01,314 --> 00:14:02,994
Well, at what point are
you gonna stop messing up?

386
00:14:03,054 --> 00:14:03,294
Yeah.

387
00:14:03,684 --> 00:14:04,014
Yeah.

388
00:14:04,174 --> 00:14:06,844
When are you gonna see that
there, the error of your ways?

389
00:14:06,844 --> 00:14:08,584
And go, okay, let's put a stop to that.

390
00:14:08,584 --> 00:14:08,644
Yeah.

391
00:14:09,094 --> 00:14:12,584
Because then after a while
it's just it's not messing up.

392
00:14:12,589 --> 00:14:13,379
You're being predatorial.

393
00:14:13,379 --> 00:14:13,389
Yeah.

394
00:14:13,389 --> 00:14:13,454
Essential.

395
00:14:14,054 --> 00:14:14,894
That's what it is.

396
00:14:14,924 --> 00:14:15,674
That's what it is.

397
00:14:15,734 --> 00:14:20,264
And also, ladies are my,
my fellows and everybody.

398
00:14:21,389 --> 00:14:23,339
Your intuition, go with your gut.

399
00:14:23,519 --> 00:14:25,079
Someone just mentioned that to us.

400
00:14:25,259 --> 00:14:26,699
Go with that intuition.

401
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:29,939
Like if you feel something's
off, something is off.

402
00:14:30,089 --> 00:14:30,299
Yeah.

403
00:14:30,599 --> 00:14:34,209
Don't sometimes he doesn't like it
when I tell him something's off.

404
00:14:35,079 --> 00:14:35,439
Oh, its such a bummer.

405
00:14:35,439 --> 00:14:35,679
Know.

406
00:14:35,679 --> 00:14:36,969
He's like, ready?

407
00:14:37,479 --> 00:14:37,964
Such a bummer.

408
00:14:37,964 --> 00:14:39,099
It's like, nah, something's off.

409
00:14:39,199 --> 00:14:41,179
But I've learned to trust her intuition.

410
00:14:41,179 --> 00:14:41,239
Yeah.

411
00:14:41,269 --> 00:14:42,529
I have horrible intuition.

412
00:14:42,589 --> 00:14:42,829
Yeah.

413
00:14:42,889 --> 00:14:45,169
Um, I am, but I'm pretty.

414
00:14:45,859 --> 00:14:47,299
Oblivious to things.

415
00:14:47,349 --> 00:14:48,819
I see the good in everybody.

416
00:14:48,819 --> 00:14:48,909
Mm-hmm.

417
00:14:49,209 --> 00:14:54,099
And I don't like to see the bad, and
so, uh, it normally takes me a while.

418
00:14:54,099 --> 00:14:55,449
It's, you're my balance.

419
00:14:55,479 --> 00:14:55,539
Yeah.

420
00:14:55,539 --> 00:14:58,719
And so when you start pointing
stuff out to me, I start sitting

421
00:14:58,719 --> 00:15:01,239
back and I'm going, oh, okay.

422
00:15:01,299 --> 00:15:01,569
Yeah.

423
00:15:01,869 --> 00:15:01,959
Yeah.

424
00:15:01,959 --> 00:15:02,599
I didn't notice that.

425
00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:09,229
I, um, I feel like it's a it's really
sad when you're in a spot where you're

426
00:15:09,229 --> 00:15:12,949
there to have fun and then you're
also, I was just telling somebody that.

427
00:15:13,684 --> 00:15:15,604
We were at the club this weekend.

428
00:15:15,694 --> 00:15:15,934
Mm-hmm.

429
00:15:16,384 --> 00:15:22,384
And I had to move because I felt like
I was just, the person was intoxicated

430
00:15:22,384 --> 00:15:25,504
and there was no way for me to
get out of my little corner there.

431
00:15:25,834 --> 00:15:30,454
So I had to go and stand by a
friend, and the friend saw my face.

432
00:15:30,784 --> 00:15:34,054
And so we connected yesterday and
we're like, she's like, I can't

433
00:15:34,054 --> 00:15:35,164
believe that happened to you.

434
00:15:35,164 --> 00:15:35,944
And I'm like, I know.

435
00:15:35,944 --> 00:15:40,594
It's so, it's so annoying when it's,
it's so sad and annoying when it's

436
00:15:40,594 --> 00:15:42,064
a woman that I have to tell them.

437
00:15:42,964 --> 00:15:43,804
Can you stop?

438
00:15:43,904 --> 00:15:44,804
There's no need for this.

439
00:15:44,804 --> 00:15:49,034
Well, and so what I've noticed
is because there's so many women

440
00:15:49,424 --> 00:15:52,364
that are closeted, bisexual.

441
00:15:52,424 --> 00:15:52,964
Yes.

442
00:15:53,014 --> 00:15:56,044
In their, in, in, outside of
the lifestyle, they're closeted,

443
00:15:56,044 --> 00:15:58,264
bisexual, they're playing
the role of a straight woman.

444
00:15:58,444 --> 00:15:58,804
Mm-hmm.

445
00:15:59,029 --> 00:16:01,834
And so when they jump into
the lifestyle, they want that.

446
00:16:02,319 --> 00:16:05,499
Woman on woman experience,
and they thrive for it.

447
00:16:05,499 --> 00:16:09,399
And then they find out, well, the easiest
thing that I can get is a guy, so let's

448
00:16:09,399 --> 00:16:10,644
just go ahead and get the guy, whatever.

449
00:16:10,644 --> 00:16:11,044
Yeah, yeah.

450
00:16:11,049 --> 00:16:13,779
So they thrive for that
woman on woman mm-hmm.

451
00:16:14,024 --> 00:16:14,284
Contact.

452
00:16:14,304 --> 00:16:14,724
Mm-hmm.

453
00:16:14,809 --> 00:16:16,539
Because they, they hardly get it.

454
00:16:16,544 --> 00:16:16,684
Oh, yeah.

455
00:16:17,199 --> 00:16:20,049
And they figure, I used
to be that woman I know.

456
00:16:20,299 --> 00:16:20,854
And they figured.

457
00:16:21,524 --> 00:16:22,124
You're a woman.

458
00:16:22,124 --> 00:16:23,144
I can grab up on you.

459
00:16:23,144 --> 00:16:23,324
Yeah.

460
00:16:23,324 --> 00:16:24,344
You're we're all in this together.

461
00:16:24,344 --> 00:16:24,584
Yeah.

462
00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:25,604
And that's not the case.

463
00:16:25,634 --> 00:16:26,684
I used to be that woman.

464
00:16:26,684 --> 00:16:30,854
I would, I would go drink, get drunk,
and then be like, oh, I get to touch

465
00:16:30,854 --> 00:16:32,144
a girl, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

466
00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:32,534
Yeah.

467
00:16:32,714 --> 00:16:35,504
And it, it was not okay then.

468
00:16:35,504 --> 00:16:36,914
It is not okay now.

469
00:16:36,914 --> 00:16:38,474
Like I know better.

470
00:16:38,574 --> 00:16:40,044
And I also know when.

471
00:16:41,569 --> 00:16:45,259
I can read the room, right, like we were
talking about that earlier, but I also

472
00:16:45,259 --> 00:16:47,989
know when it's just not the right time.

473
00:16:48,229 --> 00:16:52,429
'cause you and I may not be
feeling like you may want somebody.

474
00:16:52,529 --> 00:16:56,819
And then I can see that maybe
they're always a very handsy person.

475
00:16:56,819 --> 00:16:56,829
Mm-hmm.

476
00:16:56,934 --> 00:17:01,139
Mm. Or the husband is i'll, I won't
even put myself in that situation.

477
00:17:01,139 --> 00:17:03,719
Like I know if you're wanting
to, I'll just tell you.

478
00:17:03,719 --> 00:17:06,329
Nah, I don't, I don't really dig
the vibe of the husband or whatever.

479
00:17:06,449 --> 00:17:06,599
Yeah.

480
00:17:06,629 --> 00:17:07,529
Or vice versa.

481
00:17:07,589 --> 00:17:07,799
Yeah.

482
00:17:08,309 --> 00:17:10,199
And it's like, okay, we're not doing it.

483
00:17:10,649 --> 00:17:10,979
Yeah.

484
00:17:10,979 --> 00:17:15,539
You know, I, I really, I remember
when we first really started

485
00:17:15,869 --> 00:17:18,719
going through this whole thing, we
started getting in these groups.

486
00:17:18,719 --> 00:17:18,809
Mm-hmm.

487
00:17:19,049 --> 00:17:20,399
We started going to meet and greets.

488
00:17:20,399 --> 00:17:26,879
We really made it a point to start getting
more involved with these meet and greets.

489
00:17:26,939 --> 00:17:27,179
Yeah.

490
00:17:27,569 --> 00:17:33,149
And I remember asking questions
to people and I found out that.

491
00:17:34,004 --> 00:17:38,534
Consent not only goes for sexual touch,
but it goes for any kind of touch.

492
00:17:38,534 --> 00:17:39,104
It goes for anything.

493
00:17:39,104 --> 00:17:44,024
I had people tell me, because I'm a
hugger, I'm a big guy, I like to hug,

494
00:17:44,054 --> 00:17:47,414
and I had people tell me right off the
bat, they were like I'm not a hugger.

495
00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:52,004
And I would really prefer to you,
you just shake my hand or this,

496
00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:53,414
or, or fist bump or whatever.

497
00:17:53,444 --> 00:17:54,164
Okay, cool.

498
00:17:54,164 --> 00:17:54,224
Yeah.

499
00:17:54,554 --> 00:17:55,634
So then I started.

500
00:17:55,949 --> 00:18:00,569
Realizing that not only do I have to ask
for consent sexually, but I need to ask

501
00:18:00,569 --> 00:18:03,539
for consent just to give somebody a hug.

502
00:18:03,569 --> 00:18:03,839
Yes.

503
00:18:03,869 --> 00:18:08,069
And I remember talking to you about
it and thinking, gosh, this is weird.

504
00:18:08,129 --> 00:18:08,369
Yeah.

505
00:18:08,369 --> 00:18:11,099
Like, I don't know how,
but now it's second nature.

506
00:18:11,159 --> 00:18:11,459
Yeah.

507
00:18:11,669 --> 00:18:17,069
I've done it so much and people
seem to respect the fact that

508
00:18:17,069 --> 00:18:18,719
I, I ask every single time.

509
00:18:18,719 --> 00:18:18,779
Yeah.

510
00:18:18,779 --> 00:18:20,429
And that's for people that I know.

511
00:18:20,549 --> 00:18:20,759
Yeah.

512
00:18:21,164 --> 00:18:22,004
I still ask.

513
00:18:22,034 --> 00:18:22,304
Yeah.

514
00:18:22,334 --> 00:18:23,204
Because you just never know.

515
00:18:23,234 --> 00:18:23,414
Yeah.

516
00:18:23,414 --> 00:18:24,134
You just never know.

517
00:18:24,494 --> 00:18:27,579
Sometimes I don't wanna be touched,
so I do not ever wanna be touched.

518
00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:30,164
Sometimes I don't wanna be touched.

519
00:18:30,169 --> 00:18:32,179
Don't touch me, don't touch me.

520
00:18:32,624 --> 00:18:35,444
But you know, if I'm around
people that I know Yeah.

521
00:18:35,664 --> 00:18:39,324
Maybe aren't feeling it or anything
like that, I keep my hands in my pocket.

522
00:18:39,354 --> 00:18:39,624
Yeah.

523
00:18:39,754 --> 00:18:41,224
You'll see me with my hands in my pocket.

524
00:18:41,224 --> 00:18:42,244
Like it's that simple.

525
00:18:42,304 --> 00:18:42,544
Yeah.

526
00:18:42,754 --> 00:18:45,634
Now do I mind people touching up on me?

527
00:18:45,634 --> 00:18:45,784
No.

528
00:18:46,324 --> 00:18:48,994
No, but that's my thing,
and I'm vocal about that.

529
00:18:48,994 --> 00:18:49,114
Yeah.

530
00:18:49,414 --> 00:18:51,664
So if it happens, I'm okay with it.

531
00:18:51,754 --> 00:18:51,904
Yeah.

532
00:18:51,934 --> 00:18:54,784
You used to get very upset on my behalf.

533
00:18:54,844 --> 00:18:55,114
Yeah.

534
00:18:55,204 --> 00:18:56,554
And that's when we had to have the talk.

535
00:18:56,554 --> 00:18:59,344
I had to tell you because this's my
property and I'd be like, it's like, no.

536
00:18:59,464 --> 00:18:59,794
So.

537
00:19:00,169 --> 00:19:03,009
You didn't listen to anything
that the guy that we talked to?

538
00:19:04,029 --> 00:19:04,189
Oh, no.

539
00:19:04,189 --> 00:19:04,779
Now I, no, that's what I'm saying.

540
00:19:04,779 --> 00:19:05,709
That's why this is my property.

541
00:19:05,714 --> 00:19:07,929
Well, that's why you, I, you say
I'm mad because it was my property.

542
00:19:07,989 --> 00:19:09,999
Oh, I thought you were
saying that right now.

543
00:19:10,059 --> 00:19:14,349
I mean, I was like, goodness gracious,
it's my property, but, oh, that's true.

544
00:19:15,099 --> 00:19:17,409
Uh, I mean, and where does
this usually show up at?

545
00:19:17,799 --> 00:19:20,469
Everywhere you would, you
would think that it shows up at

546
00:19:20,469 --> 00:19:23,769
parties and clubs and It does.

547
00:19:23,769 --> 00:19:23,789
It does.

548
00:19:24,159 --> 00:19:27,339
But sometimes this can
happen one-on-one dates.

549
00:19:27,509 --> 00:19:29,849
It can happen any anywhere, guys.

550
00:19:30,479 --> 00:19:30,599
It.

551
00:19:30,599 --> 00:19:33,029
Do you remember, sorry to cut you off.

552
00:19:33,269 --> 00:19:34,849
Do you remember when, what time?

553
00:19:34,849 --> 00:19:35,699
When we fell in love?

554
00:19:38,429 --> 00:19:38,939
Horrible song.

555
00:19:39,269 --> 00:19:43,289
Um, do you remember when you were
here, Uhhuh in Central Texas?

556
00:19:43,289 --> 00:19:44,369
I was back home.

557
00:19:44,369 --> 00:19:45,989
Uhhuh raising our children.

558
00:19:46,289 --> 00:19:46,769
Yes.

559
00:19:47,249 --> 00:19:48,779
And we were poly.

560
00:19:49,469 --> 00:19:49,739
Yes.

561
00:19:49,979 --> 00:19:51,749
And you went out on a date with a guy?

562
00:19:51,749 --> 00:19:51,839
Yes.

563
00:19:52,709 --> 00:19:54,659
And you were not feeling it?

564
00:19:55,694 --> 00:19:58,694
And he really, really
wanted to give you a kiss.

565
00:19:58,744 --> 00:19:59,254
Yes.

566
00:19:59,374 --> 00:20:00,394
And it got creepy.

567
00:20:00,394 --> 00:20:01,324
Do you, do you recall that?

568
00:20:01,324 --> 00:20:01,654
I do.

569
00:20:01,684 --> 00:20:02,434
How did that go?

570
00:20:02,584 --> 00:20:07,024
So we met at a pizza place,
a very busy pizza place.

571
00:20:07,594 --> 00:20:12,394
And it was a, a, it's very lit. Like
there's, so you walk in, you, we, I

572
00:20:12,394 --> 00:20:16,114
got there and he's like, he gives me
a hug and I'm always a side hugger.

573
00:20:16,144 --> 00:20:16,264
Mm-hmm.

574
00:20:16,504 --> 00:20:17,164
Gives me a hug.

575
00:20:17,164 --> 00:20:18,214
And then we get in line.

576
00:20:18,214 --> 00:20:20,524
And when we're in line, he's
just staring at me like this.

577
00:20:21,799 --> 00:20:23,839
I'm like literally
inches from Adam's face.

578
00:20:25,069 --> 00:20:25,399
Wow.

579
00:20:25,579 --> 00:20:25,939
Yeah.

580
00:20:26,389 --> 00:20:29,559
And then I looked at
him and I was like hi.

581
00:20:31,089 --> 00:20:32,289
And he is like, can I give you a kiss?

582
00:20:32,289 --> 00:20:34,039
And I'm like no, it's okay.

583
00:20:34,969 --> 00:20:38,479
And so we went, we got our pizza,
we sat down who's being weird?

584
00:20:38,479 --> 00:20:39,709
Oh, I want to date you.

585
00:20:39,769 --> 00:20:41,839
Oh my goodness, I could marry
you, blah, blah, blah, blah.

586
00:20:41,839 --> 00:20:44,209
And I was like, okay, this
is getting really awkward.

587
00:20:44,389 --> 00:20:45,259
Let's box up the pizza.

588
00:20:45,259 --> 00:20:46,039
We're walking out.

589
00:20:46,039 --> 00:20:46,549
And he was like.

590
00:20:47,269 --> 00:20:49,309
Like touching my hair
and wanted to smell it.

591
00:20:49,339 --> 00:20:50,959
And then he was like, can I kiss you?

592
00:20:50,959 --> 00:20:52,249
And I'm like, no.

593
00:20:52,249 --> 00:20:55,229
And he is like, can I kiss you
next time when I pick you up?

594
00:20:55,229 --> 00:20:56,649
And I'm like no.

595
00:20:56,649 --> 00:20:57,429
This is it.

596
00:20:58,419 --> 00:20:59,139
This is it.

597
00:20:59,319 --> 00:20:59,859
We're done.

598
00:21:00,579 --> 00:21:00,969
Now.

599
00:21:01,509 --> 00:21:03,399
I was not always that woman.

600
00:21:03,519 --> 00:21:04,269
I mean at, at, he asked.

601
00:21:04,359 --> 00:21:04,659
Yeah.

602
00:21:04,749 --> 00:21:06,039
I was not always that woman.

603
00:21:06,849 --> 00:21:08,139
I was always a pushover.

604
00:21:08,144 --> 00:21:08,314
Mm-hmm.

605
00:21:09,639 --> 00:21:13,599
I was m. Submissive to the
men that I was with mostly.

606
00:21:14,199 --> 00:21:16,899
And so I didn't know
I didn't have a voice.

607
00:21:17,529 --> 00:21:17,799
Yeah.

608
00:21:18,219 --> 00:21:18,369
Yeah.

609
00:21:18,399 --> 00:21:19,359
I have a voice now.

610
00:21:19,749 --> 00:21:20,259
Very much so.

611
00:21:20,259 --> 00:21:21,249
I have a voice for too many.

612
00:21:21,279 --> 00:21:22,299
I have a voice for others.

613
00:21:22,749 --> 00:21:23,019
Yeah.

614
00:21:23,079 --> 00:21:23,919
They don't even want it.

615
00:21:25,004 --> 00:21:25,844
That's this guy right here.

616
00:21:26,604 --> 00:21:29,814
But again, if I'm not feeling
it and I'm not feeling the vibe.

617
00:21:30,564 --> 00:21:33,864
I have to like pull him and
it's unfortunate, but I do.

618
00:21:34,224 --> 00:21:34,584
Yeah.

619
00:21:34,614 --> 00:21:39,354
Well, you know, I mean, what I do have to
remind you of sometimes is that I have my

620
00:21:39,354 --> 00:21:41,184
own voice and I can make my own decisions.

621
00:21:41,184 --> 00:21:41,244
Yeah.

622
00:21:41,244 --> 00:21:41,604
And I can.

623
00:21:41,664 --> 00:21:44,214
But I do appreciate you
having my back in that.

624
00:21:44,214 --> 00:21:46,494
And I know that there are a lot of
people that appreciate that too.

625
00:21:46,824 --> 00:21:49,359
And if I see someone that's too
intoxicated and making out with you.

626
00:21:50,669 --> 00:21:50,959
Yeah.

627
00:21:51,954 --> 00:21:53,374
I'm like, no, we're not doing that.

628
00:21:53,374 --> 00:21:54,139
You start pulling me mm-hmm.

629
00:21:54,224 --> 00:21:55,174
Start pulling me away.

630
00:21:55,174 --> 00:21:55,354
I do.

631
00:21:55,354 --> 00:21:59,254
I start pulling you, and it's probably not
the nicest way that I pull him, but I pull

632
00:21:59,254 --> 00:22:00,874
him and I'm like, she's just too much.

633
00:22:00,874 --> 00:22:03,034
Like, it's too, she's too intoxicated.

634
00:22:03,274 --> 00:22:03,664
Yeah.

635
00:22:03,664 --> 00:22:08,614
Well, you know the, that's the big issue
with the lifestyles that people feel like.

636
00:22:09,379 --> 00:22:12,589
We're in the lifestyle, we're
all in this for the same reason.

637
00:22:12,619 --> 00:22:12,769
Mm-hmm.

638
00:22:13,129 --> 00:22:14,749
So anything goes.

639
00:22:14,839 --> 00:22:15,079
Yeah.

640
00:22:15,229 --> 00:22:16,179
And no.

641
00:22:16,239 --> 00:22:19,269
Mm. That's not, uh, that's a very
dangerous mentality of thinking.

642
00:22:19,299 --> 00:22:19,389
Mm-hmm.

643
00:22:19,689 --> 00:22:21,669
And, uh, it shouldn't be like that.

644
00:22:21,749 --> 00:22:24,779
I know this sort of thing
comes up a lot, like I said,

645
00:22:24,779 --> 00:22:26,369
in clubs, parties all the time.

646
00:22:26,399 --> 00:22:28,349
Takeovers, hotel takeovers.

647
00:22:28,679 --> 00:22:29,699
I know it happened.

648
00:22:29,729 --> 00:22:30,659
Beach takeover.

649
00:22:30,719 --> 00:22:30,809
Mm-hmm.

650
00:22:31,049 --> 00:22:32,429
It happened at, at several
different takeovers.

651
00:22:32,699 --> 00:22:32,849
Mm-hmm.

652
00:22:33,089 --> 00:22:34,799
Alcohol happens.

653
00:22:34,919 --> 00:22:36,629
There's not people around.

654
00:22:36,629 --> 00:22:38,969
You know, it's easy to
get lost in the crowd.

655
00:22:39,029 --> 00:22:39,119
Mm-hmm.

656
00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:39,739
It is what it is.

657
00:22:39,769 --> 00:22:39,889
Um.

658
00:22:40,809 --> 00:22:45,189
That's why I always recommend having
a small, tight-knit group Yes.

659
00:22:45,189 --> 00:22:48,189
That you can travel with, that
you can have around, so that

660
00:22:48,189 --> 00:22:49,899
everybody looks after everybody.

661
00:22:49,899 --> 00:22:49,989
Mm-hmm.

662
00:22:50,449 --> 00:22:54,799
There's never a time where you're
alone by yourself and in a corner.

663
00:22:54,919 --> 00:22:55,549
You know what I mean?

664
00:22:55,579 --> 00:22:56,659
And especially partners.

665
00:22:56,659 --> 00:22:59,389
Partners, when y'all are, if
y'all are playing separate, at

666
00:22:59,389 --> 00:23:01,004
least know where the other one is.

667
00:23:02,239 --> 00:23:06,619
You gotta be able to at least reach out
to each other to know that you're safe.

668
00:23:06,889 --> 00:23:07,219
Yeah.

669
00:23:07,249 --> 00:23:07,459
Yeah.

670
00:23:07,459 --> 00:23:09,019
And you know, there's different types.

671
00:23:09,019 --> 00:23:13,809
I mean, we there's really light
assault, like obviously you think

672
00:23:14,139 --> 00:23:18,429
grabbing up on you and grabbing your
privates and that sort of thing, that,

673
00:23:18,459 --> 00:23:19,794
that's sexual assault, but mm-hmm.

674
00:23:20,149 --> 00:23:22,429
It comes on in different versions.

675
00:23:22,429 --> 00:23:22,489
Yeah.

676
00:23:22,489 --> 00:23:25,009
You've got pressure disguised as flirting.

677
00:23:25,519 --> 00:23:28,399
Yes, you've got the accidental
touches that weren't invited.

678
00:23:28,399 --> 00:23:30,799
I see that a lot with guys on women.

679
00:23:30,799 --> 00:23:33,079
You know, they, they put their
hands on the small of their back.

680
00:23:33,229 --> 00:23:33,319
Mm-hmm.

681
00:23:33,564 --> 00:23:34,694
Or they massage them mm-hmm.

682
00:23:34,774 --> 00:23:35,509
Or touch their arms.

683
00:23:35,509 --> 00:23:36,619
Well, that wasn't invited.

684
00:23:36,619 --> 00:23:36,889
Mm-hmm.

685
00:23:36,914 --> 00:23:38,809
And you can see the face that Yes.

686
00:23:38,809 --> 00:23:39,799
Is emitted from that.

687
00:23:39,799 --> 00:23:40,129
Yes.

688
00:23:40,369 --> 00:23:42,679
Um, oh, I've seen people
like literally make out.

689
00:23:43,279 --> 00:23:43,729
Yeah.

690
00:23:43,729 --> 00:23:45,199
And she's trying to push away.

691
00:23:45,259 --> 00:23:46,279
Yeah, I've seen that too.

692
00:23:46,489 --> 00:23:47,059
That's pretty bad.

693
00:23:48,034 --> 00:23:48,754
But yeah, no.

694
00:23:49,174 --> 00:23:50,104
Hey, alcohol.

695
00:23:50,104 --> 00:23:52,564
It blurs those little boundaries, guys.

696
00:23:52,569 --> 00:23:52,889
It really does.

697
00:23:53,044 --> 00:23:53,524
It does.

698
00:23:53,524 --> 00:23:53,614
I know.

699
00:23:53,884 --> 00:23:56,854
And it's not only alcohol,
other drugs can blur it.

700
00:23:56,959 --> 00:24:00,499
That's just what we see, and that's
what we're just giving our opinion on.

701
00:24:00,589 --> 00:24:00,829
Yeah.

702
00:24:00,829 --> 00:24:01,849
And no judgment, man.

703
00:24:01,854 --> 00:24:01,924
You know?

704
00:24:01,984 --> 00:24:02,324
No judgment.

705
00:24:02,324 --> 00:24:04,369
You know, everybody, like I
said, has their own vices.

706
00:24:04,399 --> 00:24:04,789
Yes.

707
00:24:04,789 --> 00:24:08,479
The reason why we're talking about it,
and we're talking about it so openly,

708
00:24:08,479 --> 00:24:10,459
is because it happens so often mm-hmm.

709
00:24:10,699 --> 00:24:14,239
That A, if you're new to the lifestyle,
or if you've been in the lifestyle and you

710
00:24:14,239 --> 00:24:16,444
have not had this happen to you, mm-hmm.

711
00:24:16,669 --> 00:24:17,599
You know, now.

712
00:24:18,319 --> 00:24:19,309
What you should look for.

713
00:24:19,339 --> 00:24:19,519
Yeah.

714
00:24:20,059 --> 00:24:22,279
And you know that it exists.

715
00:24:22,309 --> 00:24:22,399
Mm-hmm.

716
00:24:22,639 --> 00:24:25,599
That it's, you know that there are
red flags out there that you should

717
00:24:25,599 --> 00:24:28,959
be keeping an eye out on, and if you
see a red flag walk away from it.

718
00:24:28,959 --> 00:24:29,949
You don't need it.

719
00:24:30,339 --> 00:24:31,599
You don't need to be there with that.

720
00:24:31,599 --> 00:24:31,689
Mm-hmm.

721
00:24:32,209 --> 00:24:33,689
And that's really the big thing is.

722
00:24:34,439 --> 00:24:38,279
Is we want to be able to talk about it
openly so that you feel comfortable.

723
00:24:38,399 --> 00:24:38,699
Yes.

724
00:24:38,759 --> 00:24:40,379
Talking about it openly.

725
00:24:40,679 --> 00:24:43,859
There's too much shame
that is put on this.

726
00:24:43,859 --> 00:24:43,869
Yes.

727
00:24:43,949 --> 00:24:44,309
Yes.

728
00:24:44,339 --> 00:24:46,259
There's Even when it happened to you Yes.

729
00:24:46,259 --> 00:24:48,329
And you had to talk
about it, you felt shame.

730
00:24:48,419 --> 00:24:53,459
I felt bad, and it's like, dude,
this is a very serious topic.

731
00:24:53,489 --> 00:24:53,579
Mm-hmm.

732
00:24:53,949 --> 00:24:56,709
I understand that people
like to put shame on others.

733
00:24:56,919 --> 00:24:58,719
There's no reason why
you should feel shame.

734
00:24:58,719 --> 00:25:02,289
You should find your voice, and you should
push through it as much as possible.

735
00:25:03,364 --> 00:25:04,624
We're all adults.

736
00:25:04,774 --> 00:25:05,014
Yeah.

737
00:25:05,104 --> 00:25:06,844
Every single one of us is adults.

738
00:25:06,934 --> 00:25:13,504
And do not your feelings, your body,
your thoughts, your wants are yours.

739
00:25:13,594 --> 00:25:19,264
Nobody else's, not your partners, not
your other partners like they are yours.

740
00:25:19,264 --> 00:25:19,324
Yeah.

741
00:25:19,504 --> 00:25:24,334
And if you do not want to do
something, people in the lifestyle

742
00:25:24,364 --> 00:25:27,514
should know what no means, right?

743
00:25:27,514 --> 00:25:31,054
I mean, we're not playing,
we're not kids, we're adults.

744
00:25:31,114 --> 00:25:31,654
And so.

745
00:25:32,239 --> 00:25:36,199
If you see that with other people, if
you feel uncomfortable, if you don't know

746
00:25:36,199 --> 00:25:38,089
how to use your words, find a friend.

747
00:25:38,089 --> 00:25:39,499
Your friends can speak up for you.

748
00:25:39,499 --> 00:25:43,189
I speak up, I speak up for my friends
all the time when they need a voice.

749
00:25:43,309 --> 00:25:43,429
Yeah.

750
00:25:43,429 --> 00:25:46,759
Because we have a lot of shy friends and
they're like, I don't wanna say anything.

751
00:25:46,939 --> 00:25:48,769
Or I'm too traumatized to say anything.

752
00:25:48,769 --> 00:25:50,299
I was like, girl, I got your back.

753
00:25:50,299 --> 00:25:51,649
Yeah, I got you.

754
00:25:51,979 --> 00:25:52,609
For sure.

755
00:25:52,699 --> 00:25:53,119
For sure.

756
00:25:53,119 --> 00:25:55,549
Well, you know, sometimes people
are afraid to call it what it is.

757
00:25:55,549 --> 00:25:55,609
Yeah.

758
00:25:56,039 --> 00:25:58,859
Because they think, well, I
put myself into that situation.

759
00:25:59,369 --> 00:25:59,459
No.

760
00:25:59,509 --> 00:25:59,869
But no.

761
00:26:00,289 --> 00:26:05,929
Consent doesn't have an expiration date,
and being flirty isn't an invitation Nope.

762
00:26:05,929 --> 00:26:06,589
To grab.

763
00:26:06,639 --> 00:26:07,239
You know what I mean?

764
00:26:07,649 --> 00:26:09,059
You definitely have to speak up.

765
00:26:10,169 --> 00:26:11,554
A lot of times it's, it's.

766
00:26:12,674 --> 00:26:17,534
Definitely recommended that you speak
up, but do so in private polo, the

767
00:26:17,534 --> 00:26:19,274
ho, the host of the house party.

768
00:26:19,274 --> 00:26:19,364
Mm-hmm.

769
00:26:19,604 --> 00:26:24,634
Or the takeover whomever that, could be
in charge and let them know what's going

770
00:26:24,634 --> 00:26:27,364
on as close to that moment as possible.

771
00:26:27,394 --> 00:26:27,484
Yes.

772
00:26:27,484 --> 00:26:29,344
So that they can try and take care of it.

773
00:26:29,374 --> 00:26:29,644
Yeah.

774
00:26:29,694 --> 00:26:30,744
As soon as possible.

775
00:26:30,774 --> 00:26:30,984
Yeah.

776
00:26:31,214 --> 00:26:32,534
Hold your friends accountable.

777
00:26:32,564 --> 00:26:33,344
Yes.

778
00:26:33,519 --> 00:26:33,739
Yes.

779
00:26:33,764 --> 00:26:37,004
You know, hold your friends
accountable when you see something.

780
00:26:37,304 --> 00:26:37,994
Say something.

781
00:26:37,994 --> 00:26:38,084
Mm-hmm.

782
00:26:38,324 --> 00:26:40,989
Even if you love them, even if
they're your best friend mm-hmm.

783
00:26:41,069 --> 00:26:44,144
If you see them doing it,
put a stop to it, man.

784
00:26:44,174 --> 00:26:45,104
Or your spouse.

785
00:26:45,134 --> 00:26:48,914
If you see your spouse getting
a little bit too much Oh yes.

786
00:26:48,914 --> 00:26:50,084
Control them.

787
00:26:50,089 --> 00:26:50,229
Yeah.

788
00:26:50,624 --> 00:26:51,734
You know, control them.

789
00:26:51,734 --> 00:26:54,344
You took them to the space, control them.

790
00:26:54,344 --> 00:26:54,354
Mm-hmm.

791
00:26:54,913 --> 00:26:58,603
You know, um, normalized
checking in with each other.

792
00:26:58,663 --> 00:26:59,233
For sure.

793
00:26:59,413 --> 00:27:02,653
Adam and I have a two hour limit.

794
00:27:02,803 --> 00:27:02,863
Yeah.

795
00:27:03,283 --> 00:27:06,043
That if in two hours, if he hasn't like.

796
00:27:07,168 --> 00:27:11,218
Contacted me somehow, then I
am going to freak out and think

797
00:27:11,218 --> 00:27:12,448
that someone kidnap my honey.

798
00:27:12,988 --> 00:27:14,488
Yeah, that sounds about right.

799
00:27:14,488 --> 00:27:16,468
But I, and nobody's gonna kick
me because you're very cuddly.

800
00:27:16,888 --> 00:27:17,668
I am cuddly.

801
00:27:17,728 --> 00:27:18,478
I'm a soft guy.

802
00:27:18,538 --> 00:27:19,163
You're very cudd.

803
00:27:19,348 --> 00:27:19,978
I'm very soft.

804
00:27:20,398 --> 00:27:24,718
Uh, you know, I will say that
there are a lot of clubs out there.

805
00:27:25,288 --> 00:27:28,888
Make sure that the club you
are going to, you feel safe at.

806
00:27:28,948 --> 00:27:29,548
Yes.

807
00:27:29,608 --> 00:27:33,088
If you show up to that club,
if you feel like there isn't

808
00:27:33,148 --> 00:27:34,708
it, there isn't a safe spot.

809
00:27:34,708 --> 00:27:38,668
If you feel like maybe security's
not there, if you've checked all

810
00:27:38,668 --> 00:27:41,758
the safety protocols and you just
don't feel safe, don't stick around.

811
00:27:41,788 --> 00:27:42,058
No.

812
00:27:42,058 --> 00:27:42,988
Mm-hmm.

813
00:27:43,228 --> 00:27:46,258
And if you feel safe, make sure that that
place is, uh, is your place, you know?

814
00:27:46,258 --> 00:27:46,528
Yeah.

815
00:27:46,828 --> 00:27:47,218
Yeah.

816
00:27:47,878 --> 00:27:48,358
So yeah.

817
00:27:48,418 --> 00:27:52,438
And if you see anything sketchy,
don't wait for the victim to

818
00:27:52,438 --> 00:27:53,818
make it comfortable for you.

819
00:27:54,208 --> 00:27:54,358
Yeah.

820
00:27:54,358 --> 00:27:59,518
Like just step in, you say something,
you go protect your friends because

821
00:27:59,518 --> 00:28:02,608
the best people in the lifestyle are
the ones who protect others for sure.

822
00:28:02,608 --> 00:28:03,358
Boundaries.

823
00:28:04,108 --> 00:28:05,638
They protect their boundaries
just like their own.

824
00:28:05,878 --> 00:28:06,238
Yeah.

825
00:28:07,048 --> 00:28:07,438
Yeah.

826
00:28:07,648 --> 00:28:08,038
Yeah.

827
00:28:08,368 --> 00:28:10,228
So that's, that's the big thing there.

828
00:28:10,258 --> 00:28:14,578
Being sex positive means
respecting every version of no.

829
00:28:14,698 --> 00:28:14,788
Mm-hmm.

830
00:28:15,033 --> 00:28:19,238
And for anybody in the lifestyle
anybody who's been in the lifestyle

831
00:28:19,238 --> 00:28:22,718
for a good period of time, they know.

832
00:28:23,438 --> 00:28:23,948
A no.

833
00:28:24,278 --> 00:28:24,488
Yeah.

834
00:28:24,488 --> 00:28:26,618
I, I think we've all experienced that.

835
00:28:26,618 --> 00:28:27,313
No, course, of course.

836
00:28:27,313 --> 00:28:28,058
We've all felt it.

837
00:28:28,088 --> 00:28:29,948
We're all afraid of that rejection.

838
00:28:29,948 --> 00:28:31,428
We're all being afraid to be told.

839
00:28:31,428 --> 00:28:31,638
No.

840
00:28:31,638 --> 00:28:34,758
But every one of us should respect that.

841
00:28:34,758 --> 00:28:35,208
No.

842
00:28:35,418 --> 00:28:37,278
No matter what version of No.

843
00:28:37,278 --> 00:28:38,508
You're, you're receiving.

844
00:28:38,568 --> 00:28:38,868
Yeah.

845
00:28:38,918 --> 00:28:40,868
Just say, okay, I completely understand.

846
00:28:40,868 --> 00:28:43,418
I apologize if I crossed any boundaries.

847
00:28:43,758 --> 00:28:46,358
But you know, if anything
changes, let me know.

848
00:28:46,388 --> 00:28:48,278
You know, or whatever, you know, it works.

849
00:28:48,653 --> 00:28:53,093
And so just remember, and if we can't
talk about consent guys, we don't deserve

850
00:28:53,093 --> 00:28:54,743
to call ourselves a community For sure.

851
00:28:54,743 --> 00:28:56,483
Like that's the one major thing.

852
00:28:56,483 --> 00:28:57,263
Consent.

853
00:28:57,323 --> 00:28:57,713
Yeah.

854
00:28:57,713 --> 00:29:00,443
We are a community by and large.

855
00:29:00,773 --> 00:29:04,013
And we are a very large community.

856
00:29:04,013 --> 00:29:04,403
We are.

857
00:29:04,473 --> 00:29:08,103
And if we don't take care of
each other, if we don't look

858
00:29:08,103 --> 00:29:09,183
out for each other mm-hmm.

859
00:29:09,423 --> 00:29:11,523
Then this community will not be safe.

860
00:29:11,853 --> 00:29:13,743
And you will lose people
from the community.

861
00:29:13,743 --> 00:29:13,803
Yeah.

862
00:29:14,223 --> 00:29:16,083
And it will go to shit.

863
00:29:16,143 --> 00:29:16,413
Yeah.

864
00:29:17,013 --> 00:29:18,393
Excuse my language, period.

865
00:29:18,993 --> 00:29:19,623
Full stop.

866
00:29:20,823 --> 00:29:24,783
So, uh, you know, this
conversation isn't about scaring

867
00:29:24,783 --> 00:29:26,253
anyone away from the lifestyle.

868
00:29:26,253 --> 00:29:30,513
It's about making sure the spaces
we love are safe for everyone.

869
00:29:30,933 --> 00:29:34,473
Uh, because when we're protecting
each other, we actually make

870
00:29:34,473 --> 00:29:36,333
the lifestyle a lot stronger.

871
00:29:36,483 --> 00:29:37,083
Yes.

872
00:29:37,413 --> 00:29:41,223
And if you've ever been assaulted or
violated, please know you're not alone.

873
00:29:41,808 --> 00:29:42,828
You're not to blame.

874
00:29:42,888 --> 00:29:47,328
You deserve safety, care
and support always For sure.

875
00:29:47,778 --> 00:29:52,618
You can find links to resources
and more info on our website at

876
00:29:52,808 --> 00:29:57,078
www.beyond-monogamy.com, where
you can also stream all of our

877
00:29:57,078 --> 00:29:59,268
past episodes and read our blogs.

878
00:29:59,568 --> 00:30:02,058
And make sure to follow us on all things.

879
00:30:02,058 --> 00:30:06,378
We're on Facebook, Instagram, X, TikTok,
and YouTube, and we have established

880
00:30:06,378 --> 00:30:09,618
communities on Reddit and Discord,
which you can find on our website.

881
00:30:09,678 --> 00:30:15,708
Yes, and you can catch us as always,
every Thursday on full swap radio.com

882
00:30:15,708 --> 00:30:20,988
at 1:00 PM and 6:00 PM Central, or
anywhere where you stream your favorite

883
00:30:21,218 --> 00:30:23,168
podcasts, which hopefully is us.

884
00:30:24,608 --> 00:30:28,298
And don't forget, we live and
grow through you and your support.

885
00:30:28,303 --> 00:30:29,053
So please like.

886
00:30:29,613 --> 00:30:31,803
Subscribe, share, and leave us a review.

887
00:30:31,803 --> 00:30:36,843
It really helps us find more people and
it helps these conversations Keep going.

888
00:30:37,143 --> 00:30:37,593
Yes.

889
00:30:37,743 --> 00:30:38,253
Yeah.

890
00:30:38,373 --> 00:30:38,643
Yeah.

891
00:30:38,883 --> 00:30:42,273
So unfortunately, it was a
little bit of a heavy topic.

892
00:30:42,273 --> 00:30:48,063
It wasn't our usual, fun, spicy,
sexy kind of show, but it was a

893
00:30:48,123 --> 00:30:50,283
show that needed to be talked about.

894
00:30:50,493 --> 00:30:56,313
And if you have had experiences with
sexual assault, if you are in the

895
00:30:56,313 --> 00:30:59,133
moment, if it's happening, feel free.

896
00:30:59,703 --> 00:31:01,323
To reach out to somebody.

897
00:31:01,323 --> 00:31:03,333
There's always somebody
around who can help.

898
00:31:03,483 --> 00:31:03,753
Mm-hmm.

899
00:31:04,083 --> 00:31:06,813
Um, and if you need to talk to
somebody, you know we're here.

900
00:31:07,173 --> 00:31:07,713
Always.

901
00:31:07,773 --> 00:31:08,313
Always.

902
00:31:08,343 --> 00:31:08,433
Yes.

903
00:31:08,433 --> 00:31:11,253
And with that, we will
see you guys next week.

904
00:31:11,493 --> 00:31:11,823
Bye.