S1 E8 Drama in the Lifestyle: Why it Happens and How to Manage It

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This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. We explore topics

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surrounding sexuality, intimate relationships, and related

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subjects in an open and candid manner. Please be advised that

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we are not licensed marriage or sex therapists, and the content

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shared here is for entertainment and informational purposes only.

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If you are under 18 years of age or prefer not to engage with discussions

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about sex, relationships, or mature language, we strongly

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recommend that you refrain from listening further. However, if you are

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of legal age and comfortable with this content, we invite you to settle in and

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enjoy the show. Hello again and

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welcome to Beyond Monogamy. I'm Adam. And I'm Pris.

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And today we're talking about something less fun.

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We're talking about drama in the lifestyle.

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We're talking about drama today. It happens. It does

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happen. So what I realized is when you have a community of

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so many people and so many personalities,

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you're going to have situations arise, you're going to have drama

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arise. Sometimes it's unintentional, sometimes it's

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intentional. Some people have personalities that

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are just. They're. They're just a penchant for drama. Oh,

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for sure. It's kind of like when you're. There's a

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lot of personalities, like when you're in school, in high school and stuff like that,

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and there's just a lot of different people. That's funny that

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you say high school, because I. Sometimes the

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lifestyle has a very high school feel. It does.

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So I didn't deal with that in high school. I dealt with it more in

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middle school, I guess. But yes, the drama does really

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kind of. It's kind of the same. Yeah. Yeah,

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It's. It's. You can't really get away from it. There's different personalities.

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You know, I see it more with women

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as I do with men. Do you. Do you see drama with men?

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I. You know, as a man in

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the lifestyle and, you know, we get. We get

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along generally with most. Yeah, most men do.

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But, I mean, there is drama. I mean, I. I have dealt with drama

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myself with another man. Although it came indirectly

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where I was informed that this certain person

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was talking about me, essentially complaining about

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me, that sort of thing, you know, and so that was. That was

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really. I guess that is kind of causing. Drama happens every now and then,

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you know, I mean, it doesn't happen as often. I don't want to say it

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doesn't exist. I don't think males are as catty as. As females.

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There are some. Really. There are some, but not as much.

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Okay. So. Yeah. Oh, I guess you're right.

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Yeah. But there are. There are guys who

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are just as. Yeah.

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Dramatic. Yeah. And. Yeah. Have issue

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with this or have issue with that. I mean,

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the lifestyle, you know, you. You kind of.

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You get into this, like, mixing bowl. Right. And there's,

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again, different personalities, different kind of boundaries

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and stuff, and people really don't. You would

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think we would communicate better, but we're all human, you know? Well, and see,

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that's. That's the thing about it is there's a lot of.

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So with that, there really is a lot of different

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reasons why drama will erupt

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in the lifestyle. Now, like I said, there are just some people

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out there who are just dramatic. Yes. Drama follows

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them wherever they go, and it's because they stir it up. That's their personality.

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Yeah. So some people were just brought up that way. Yeah. It's always

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been my number one to

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stay away from drama, and we've always talked about

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that. It's like, I want nothing to do with drama. If it comes across

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my doorstep, I'm pushing it away. I'm not dealing with

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it. Right. I'm not. This is in high school, an adult, you know,

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and so that's kind of a big deal for me.

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So no more drama as far as I'm concerned. And same

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with you, I think. Oh, yeah. We've had a couple of instances come.

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Back, and it's, you know, kind of like I.

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I try to ignore it as much as I can. I am a

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person that likes to kind of

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get it head on, which can sometimes cause

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more drama. Right. And so I just try to.

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To, like. I don't want to talk about it. It's not my.

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It's not my thing. Well, and you weren't always like that. No.

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You actually used to kind of be in the mix. Like you,

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you, you. Oh, yeah. How about Latina man?

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I like the Cheeseman. Like, give it to me. And what?

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Really enjoy. Oh, yeah. I mean, I did,

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but not in the lifestyle. Yeah. Like, just in life in general.

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Yeah. When we were. When we got into the lifestyle, I.

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I really took on the mentality of I'm not.

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I'm not here for that. I'm not here to. To cause the drama or to

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be in the mix of the drama. You know, I'll never understand it, honestly,

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because. Here to have fun, right? Yeah. Yeah.

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But, you know, things happen, lives, people are raised

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differently. It. It's just. It's just a thing.

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I mean, and there can be drama and. And like you said, in different ways.

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I have not personally seen it with men. But now that you mentioned that,

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I. I kind of sort of. It has come. I kind of sort of do

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remember that. But it's mainly what I see is a lot of women

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calling out women or being rude,

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you know, But a lot of people also take drama or take

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something that's posted and they think it's for them or something,

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or they feel. Or somebody posts something and they feel like it's

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a stab at them and it's like,

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no. Like, people just like to post. It's Facebook, man. It's social

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media. You can just post whatever you want, you know. Yeah. Today I

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may like tomatoes, tomorrow I may not. It's just what it is.

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Yeah. You know, and again, for women,

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especially around our ages, it's. It's a lot of hormonal changes.

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Yeah. You know, this is true. This is. This is the menopausal

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age. Sorry. 40s and up. Like, you are. You're there,

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man. And that can cause a lot of different emotions

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and insecurities. And insecurities. I mean, it is a hormonal thing,

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and you just kind of gotta. You gotta sit back and just

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be like, it is what it is. People have bad days.

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Don't try to take it into, like, it's all your fault or whatever.

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Yeah. If that makes any sense. Like, you know, and. You know, and the way

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you and I, we. We both handle drama very differently. Yes.

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So you are just completely different

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operator. Than I am as far as drama is concerned, because I

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am very sensitive to

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it and you are not. Yes. So when drama hits,

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you're like, I don't care. Whatever.

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You know? You don't care if people are talking about. Do not care if

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people are, you know, throwing your name.

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Nope. Under the bus. Like, you don't care about any of that?

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It doesn't bother you in the least? No. For some reason,

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I am the exact opposite. Yeah. Because I forgot.

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For one reason or another. I guess maybe it roots back to high school

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days when I didn't get accepted in the cool

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kids club. You know what I mean? I wasn't the popular kid I wanted to

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be, you know, and so I wanted that acceptance. So when you want

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that acceptance so much, you want to be liked by

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everybody, and then you realize somebody doesn't like

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me. Yeah. Somebody has an issue with me. Why?

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Yeah. You know what I mean? Well, I used to be like you. Yeah.

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Yeah. I used to be like, oh, I have to. Everyone has to like me.

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And how can someone not like me? Yeah. I got to a point,

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and it's I do not care if you like me.

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I am not here to be liked. Yeah. I don't care.

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Like, not everyone's gonna like me. I am a

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very hard personality to. I don't know.

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To like. Sometimes, you know, I come across as very

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rude or bitchy,

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and that's just. That's me. I mean,

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I'm sweet, Right. I'm nice. I mean, I think the majority of the people think

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I'm nice. I am nice. But if you get me in a.

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If you have something directed toward me, I'm kind

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of being. You know, I'm gonna face it. Well, you know, for me,

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it's slightly different. You know, I am a big believer

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that people are good for the most part.

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Right. Yeah, I know. And. And so I. I always. I always see the good

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in people, and I like to think bad happens,

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that it wasn't done maliciously. And so I normally give people

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the benefit of the doubt a couple of times. Yes. By the third

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time, I realized that, you know,

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whatever you're doing or saying is malicious towards me because

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you had. You had a chance to stop it.

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Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. I gave you enough chances.

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You had a chance to stop it, and you chose not

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to. So now it's just malicious. Yeah. And if you're going to be malicious to

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me, then you don't deserve me. Right.

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That's kind of my. My thing. And so I'll cut a person off, you know,

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I won't. Yeah. You know, I could see right through them if they're sitting in

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front of me. Yeah. Once they're on my shit list. Yes. It's.

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That's it. It. I. I become the coldest person you'll ever be.

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But before that, I can be the sweetest person I know. You know what I

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mean? You give people a lot of chances. I really do. I do not.

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But once you make that cut list, that's it. Like, you could seriously

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be directly in front of me. Me. It's essential because

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you go in thinking everyone. Everybody is nice. You're friends

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with everybody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I go in there thinking

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the total opposite. And that's why we work. That's.

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That's why. That's why we're balance. We are balanced. But when. When drama happens,

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I don't. I don't have that flip of a switch. It affects me. Yeah.

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It affects me pretty bad because I will. It's almost like that

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moment that I get to realize that everything I

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thought good about this person was wrong. Yeah. I don't

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like to be wrong. Yeah. You know, I want to think that everybody

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is good. And if I'm thinking everybody is good. Oh, you're so cute when

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they prove me wrong. Yeah. Very disappointing. It's disheartening and

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you know, it almost. I almost mourn that. Yeah. And I don't mourn

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the person themselves whenever I get rid of them. Yeah. But I

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mourn the sense that I was wrong about

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this person. You know, I'm so That's the part that really drives

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me nuts. And that's where you and I are very different. Very different. I am.

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Eh. Okay. One less person. Me to think about.

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But I do. I will say that you and I are different also that I

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love to put people in their place.

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I don't feel the need. Yeah. And that's where you and I are different

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also. Like, I feel. Well, I decided that I wasn't going to be doing that

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this year. That would be nice. Yeah. So we have

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a deal. Yeah, we have a deal. We have a deal. Because we've had a

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couple of things. Yeah. And because I don't

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like drama so much. Yeah. We have a deal that

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you will not be calling us in any position.

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Nobody is going to be being. No one's going to be being called out.

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So, yeah, it's you. And I handle things. I do like to put people in

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their place because I do not like. I don't like bullies. So there's

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a bully. I'm going to put them in their place. Right. But if it's anything

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that's. I try not to get in the mix of it and so just kind

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of ignore it. But, yeah, I'm gonna be nice this year. 2025 has

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you. Nice. Ooh. Yeah. But, yeah, I like that.

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Yeah. No, it's. It's funny how you and I handle things very,

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very differently. And it will take me a day or so. And my

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close friends know if. If you don't

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hear from me for like a day. Yeah. I'm.

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I'm like going through that mourning process of I

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was wrong. Yeah. About somebody. You know what I mean? So luckily

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for me, I have some close friends that. That know that about me

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and they. They really goad me to get out of that. That bit

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of funk. But how are

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you doing? I'm like. I'm good. Oh,

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is he being quiet? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

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It's good to know just how much you don't.

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That's good. That's good. Well, you know, I wrote some things down because I.

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I was thinking about all the things that can cause drama in the lifestyle as

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it pertains to. Oh, okay. And it. I came up with

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a few different things, miscommunication being one of

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them. Oh. I think miscommunication is really a big

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one. So. Yeah. Especially within partners.

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Within. Within a partnership, but also with others,

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I mean. Oh, yeah. We develop friendships,

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close friendships with people in the lifestyle.

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And you may have something come up where all of a sudden

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somebody's acting differently with you. And it's like, well,

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why is this person acting differently with me? What happened? Did I say something wrong?

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Yeah. Well, if I did, they're not telling me anything. And of course, me being

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that kind of person, I'm overthinking. And so I start blowing

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stuff up when the other person maybe

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didn't mean it that way. Right. But neither one of us are communicating

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and it's leading to. Right. Yeah. And those issues

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just become bigger because we alienate each other even more. We talk less,

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00:14:16,674 --> 00:14:19,994
we overthink more. Right. And it's. It's.

227
00:14:20,122 --> 00:14:23,990
It's. It's a little problematic. Yeah. Yeah. So it can.

228
00:14:24,450 --> 00:14:27,962
Yeah. Miscommunication is a big one. It is. And you know, that's not

229
00:14:27,986 --> 00:14:32,202
just in the lifestyle. That's in the vanilla world. That's in between partners.

230
00:14:32,346 --> 00:14:35,546
You know, if. If you don't communicate, it can cause

231
00:14:35,578 --> 00:14:38,260
some problems. Major problems. Major. I agree.

232
00:14:38,380 --> 00:14:41,860
Yeah. And you and I have gone through our communication

233
00:14:42,020 --> 00:14:45,044
humps. Yes, I am.

234
00:14:45,212 --> 00:14:47,560
Sometimes I'm an over communicator.

235
00:14:47,980 --> 00:14:52,100
Yeah. So that's where you and I differ in that you over communicate

236
00:14:52,180 --> 00:14:55,204
and you used to under details like you're like, oh,

237
00:14:55,252 --> 00:14:59,092
well, I got this message from somebody and it's like, well, did you message them

238
00:14:59,116 --> 00:15:01,784
back? No. Well, then why are you telling me about it? Yeah. You know what

239
00:15:02,284 --> 00:15:04,132
I mean? Like, I don't need to know every single thing. But you feel like

240
00:15:04,156 --> 00:15:07,834
you have to overcome communication. Yeah. Whereas you used to get upset with

241
00:15:07,842 --> 00:15:11,514
me for. Because you wouldn't tell me. Yeah. But then you realized

242
00:15:11,562 --> 00:15:15,178
how I do things. Yeah. So I communicate with you only

243
00:15:15,234 --> 00:15:18,250
with things that I feel are pertinent

244
00:15:18,330 --> 00:15:21,770
or will actually something will be coming out of.

245
00:15:21,810 --> 00:15:25,850
Right. Right. So if somebody messages me and I feel like this

246
00:15:25,890 --> 00:15:29,002
person I'm talking to, maybe there's a chance

247
00:15:29,066 --> 00:15:32,090
that this could go further than just the hello or hi.

248
00:15:32,170 --> 00:15:35,152
Right. Then I will bring you into the fold and say,

249
00:15:35,176 --> 00:15:38,672
hey, so. And so is messaging me. Right. Maybe we'll set up a

250
00:15:38,696 --> 00:15:42,400
group chat at some point. We'll. We'll get this whole thing Figured out. But if

251
00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:45,968
I don't feel like anything's going to come out of this, I don't

252
00:15:45,984 --> 00:15:49,232
even mention it because I get. A lot of messages,

253
00:15:49,376 --> 00:15:52,992
right. And sometimes I. Yeah, sometimes some people want

254
00:15:53,016 --> 00:15:56,128
it. Like some partners want to know about that. You know, they want to.

255
00:15:56,184 --> 00:15:59,760
Yeah, yeah. And you were one of them. Thanking you. Not so bad

256
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:03,154
about that because that would make me nuts. I just can't. I just can't do

257
00:16:03,162 --> 00:16:06,962
it. It just seems. It seems like too much for me because

258
00:16:07,146 --> 00:16:10,722
I know that these people are not going to

259
00:16:10,746 --> 00:16:14,402
be going past a five minute conversation. So why would I

260
00:16:14,426 --> 00:16:17,842
break. It's like. It's like creating a complete rundown

261
00:16:17,906 --> 00:16:21,010
for my wife every single day and going, here's my Excel sheet of the people

262
00:16:21,050 --> 00:16:24,162
that messaged me today. You know what I mean? It's like extra work when

263
00:16:24,186 --> 00:16:26,978
there's no need for it. But that's the way I always viewed it. I don't

264
00:16:26,994 --> 00:16:30,552
know. And. And I don't know. Maybe that makes me

265
00:16:30,576 --> 00:16:33,912
a bad person. No, I'm fine with it. Yeah. I mean,

266
00:16:33,936 --> 00:16:37,352
I have access to your messages if I want. If I want

267
00:16:37,376 --> 00:16:39,784
to go. You know what I mean? Like, no, and like I said, I.

268
00:16:39,792 --> 00:16:43,464
Mean that's everything important. Yeah. I'm just a. I was just. I was just an

269
00:16:43,472 --> 00:16:46,584
over communicator. Yeah. And are you still, you think?

270
00:16:46,752 --> 00:16:50,408
No, no, not really. Not much. No, not really.

271
00:16:50,464 --> 00:16:53,592
No. There's a lot of. There's a lot of stuff that. That happens and I

272
00:16:53,616 --> 00:16:57,626
just like. Because you're. Now, you're overloaded. I am overloaded.

273
00:16:57,728 --> 00:17:00,534
Yeah. Yeah. It happens. It does.

274
00:17:00,702 --> 00:17:04,758
Yeah. You know, from miscommunication to

275
00:17:04,814 --> 00:17:08,610
ghosting. I know ghosting has, has caused some drama between

276
00:17:08,910 --> 00:17:12,582
people. You know, in fact, there are people

277
00:17:12,686 --> 00:17:16,278
who are just ghosters. Like, that's what they do.

278
00:17:16,334 --> 00:17:20,198
You realize that they're not very. What's a ghoster? It's when

279
00:17:20,334 --> 00:17:23,910
you're messaging with somebody who seems interested and then they

280
00:17:23,950 --> 00:17:27,286
just disappear on you out of nowhere. Okay. They never come back. Yeah.

281
00:17:27,318 --> 00:17:30,242
They ghosted you. We've had a few of those. We've had several of them.

282
00:17:30,266 --> 00:17:33,842
Yeah. How funny. And it, you know, I know that sometimes

283
00:17:33,906 --> 00:17:37,202
people ghost because they get all horny and excited. Yeah. And they start

284
00:17:37,226 --> 00:17:40,802
talking to somebody and then they're probably masturbating while they talk to

285
00:17:40,826 --> 00:17:44,002
you. And then as soon as they come, it's like, boom, they're done. That's it.

286
00:17:44,106 --> 00:17:47,522
Never. Don't talk to me again. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Don't touch.

287
00:17:47,586 --> 00:17:51,570
Don't look at me. Yeah, that could be. That can cause some problems.

288
00:17:51,650 --> 00:17:56,084
Yeah. I mean, I'm sure we've had a few friends.

289
00:17:56,172 --> 00:18:00,180
I think we're talking about that. Like, they just. They were invested in this one

290
00:18:00,220 --> 00:18:03,460
couple for a long time, and they were chatting and then,

291
00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:07,316
boom, they disappeared. They disappeared. And I felt so bad

292
00:18:07,388 --> 00:18:10,484
because they really had started a connection. Yeah. And. Yeah.

293
00:18:10,532 --> 00:18:13,572
You know, feelings get involved. Yeah. That sort of thing. Yes.

294
00:18:13,636 --> 00:18:17,220
It's not a facetious thing. Like, it's. It's kind of a big deal. Yeah.

295
00:18:17,300 --> 00:18:21,284
And so ghosting definitely causes some. Some major drama

296
00:18:21,332 --> 00:18:24,846
there. And, you know, they. Once you're labeled something

297
00:18:24,918 --> 00:18:28,446
in the community that's. It's hard to shake it. Yeah. So that. That definitely

298
00:18:28,478 --> 00:18:32,574
helps. Something that we've come across often is

299
00:18:32,662 --> 00:18:36,622
bullying or trolling when it comes to online

300
00:18:36,726 --> 00:18:39,918
groups. When it comes to online interaction.

301
00:18:40,014 --> 00:18:43,822
Yes. It's easy to be a tough

302
00:18:43,886 --> 00:18:47,352
guy behind the keyboard. Am I right? I agree.

303
00:18:47,486 --> 00:18:51,476
I agree. Anybody can really say whatever they feel

304
00:18:51,548 --> 00:18:54,980
is okay for them to say within groups. There. There used

305
00:18:55,020 --> 00:18:57,716
to be a lot of. I don't see it anymore,

306
00:18:57,908 --> 00:19:01,524
probably because I'm not in those groups, but I don't see a lot of,

307
00:19:01,692 --> 00:19:05,412
like, drama with the groups that we're. We're in now between groups.

308
00:19:05,476 --> 00:19:08,692
Right. When we first started joining some of these groups,

309
00:19:08,836 --> 00:19:12,484
you saw a lot of bad mouthing between groups

310
00:19:12,532 --> 00:19:15,812
about other groups, right? Yeah, I remember that. And I remember,

311
00:19:15,876 --> 00:19:19,580
like, sitting back and talking to you about and be like,

312
00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:23,292
what. What is going on? What is this? And who were they

313
00:19:23,316 --> 00:19:27,052
talking about? And we didn't know who they were talking about for a long time.

314
00:19:27,236 --> 00:19:29,996
And then it kind of came out and I was like, wow,

315
00:19:30,108 --> 00:19:33,760
there's like. There's just so many. There's so many communities.

316
00:19:34,180 --> 00:19:37,900
There's no need for rivalry. Rivalry. Well,

317
00:19:37,940 --> 00:19:40,492
you know, it's the same thing as we do with our business. You know,

318
00:19:40,516 --> 00:19:44,606
we have our. Our. That is so true. And when we first opened our business.

319
00:19:44,748 --> 00:19:48,602
Yeah. We were contacting others in the same field as us just

320
00:19:48,626 --> 00:19:52,122
to get some advice, just to find out if they had some good tips or

321
00:19:52,146 --> 00:19:56,106
tricks or any ideas. And the contempt

322
00:19:56,218 --> 00:19:59,722
that was thrown our way because we were all of

323
00:19:59,746 --> 00:20:03,290
a sudden considered rivals. We were considered competitors,

324
00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:06,410
right? Yeah. They threw so much shade at us. Yeah.

325
00:20:06,490 --> 00:20:09,786
Nobody helped us. And which is funny because us

326
00:20:09,858 --> 00:20:13,878
as business owners, we're real big. And hey, there's business for everybody,

327
00:20:13,994 --> 00:20:17,262
right? Yeah. So why don't you guys, if. If you

328
00:20:17,286 --> 00:20:19,886
want to know how to do what we do, then let us know and we'll,

329
00:20:19,918 --> 00:20:23,470
we'll, we'll tell you everything. Yeah, we, we have never been those

330
00:20:23,510 --> 00:20:27,374
people, but yeah, that is, that's, Oof. That is a hurtful

331
00:20:27,422 --> 00:20:31,502
one. Oh, yeah. And you know, the, the trolling, you know, it's like,

332
00:20:31,686 --> 00:20:35,630
I can't stand it. I see it, it, it appears,

333
00:20:35,710 --> 00:20:39,198
is. Trolling when they just kind of go through the, go through like

334
00:20:39,254 --> 00:20:41,934
comments or whatever and then just kind of, and. They'Re just talking crap.

335
00:20:41,982 --> 00:20:44,494
They're saying whatever they have to say.

336
00:20:44,582 --> 00:20:47,850
Yeah. Out of people. Yeah. Or it's the,

337
00:20:47,970 --> 00:20:50,190
the jokes that are so offensive,

338
00:20:50,850 --> 00:20:54,762
they want to offend people so that people will come out and complain just

339
00:20:54,786 --> 00:20:58,470
so that they can talk crap. You know, that, that whole thing. I got you,

340
00:20:59,170 --> 00:21:02,762
you see it just, just an example. I was in a

341
00:21:02,786 --> 00:21:07,258
group the other day and there was a girl who posted a picture

342
00:21:07,434 --> 00:21:11,498
and I commented on her post and I said, dude, you look

343
00:21:11,554 --> 00:21:15,762
so good. And a guy, some, some rando

344
00:21:15,906 --> 00:21:19,282
decides to go out of his way and comment on

345
00:21:19,306 --> 00:21:23,138
my comment and say, you called her dude.

346
00:21:23,314 --> 00:21:26,754
Wtf? And I was like, yeah,

347
00:21:26,802 --> 00:21:30,050
it's a term of endearment. I call everybody dude.

348
00:21:30,210 --> 00:21:33,938
I said, but did that bother you in some sort

349
00:21:33,954 --> 00:21:36,590
of way? Yeah. And he was like,

350
00:21:36,970 --> 00:21:40,898
you're not supposed to be calling women dudes. She's not a guy.

351
00:21:41,074 --> 00:21:45,010
Why do you talk so funny? And I

352
00:21:45,050 --> 00:21:48,642
tell him, I said, you know, I, I, I don't see how

353
00:21:48,666 --> 00:21:51,762
that's any of your business. And I don't see why you had to go out

354
00:21:51,786 --> 00:21:55,346
of your way to talk bad about what I

355
00:21:55,418 --> 00:21:58,450
said. And it has nothing to do with you. Yeah. You know what I mean?

356
00:21:58,570 --> 00:22:01,650
And we bantered back and forth, and I didn't let it get to me,

357
00:22:01,690 --> 00:22:05,362
but obviously it annoyed me to the point to where it's still in

358
00:22:05,386 --> 00:22:08,354
my brain. Yeah. Because it was unnecessary.

359
00:22:08,402 --> 00:22:12,202
Yeah, for sure. It's like this guy went out of his way to talk crap

360
00:22:12,266 --> 00:22:16,506
about something that had nothing to do with him. Did not involve causing drama.

361
00:22:16,618 --> 00:22:19,946
But it's a, it's a keyboard tough guy. Somebody that he knows.

362
00:22:19,978 --> 00:22:23,562
He can, can say this and that. Yeah. And he doesn't live down my street

363
00:22:23,586 --> 00:22:27,114
to where I can go slap him. I mean, it is what it

364
00:22:27,122 --> 00:22:29,830
is. Calm down. Oh, calm down.

365
00:22:30,850 --> 00:22:34,706
Get a little passionate. The hood's gonna come out. That's right. Not that guy anymore.

366
00:22:34,858 --> 00:22:37,030
Not that guy anymore. So anyways,

367
00:22:37,530 --> 00:22:41,474
bullying and trolling, you know, I, I, I grew up with bullies. My parents

368
00:22:41,522 --> 00:22:44,562
were bullies. And so when I see bullying,

369
00:22:44,706 --> 00:22:48,034
it triggers me. Yeah. And there's a Few. There's a

370
00:22:48,042 --> 00:22:51,298
few bullies in our. There are. There. There. There are bullies around,

371
00:22:51,434 --> 00:22:55,026
and you start to see it. It's like you start to see the true

372
00:22:55,058 --> 00:22:57,890
colors. You start realizing who is a bully and isn't.

373
00:22:58,050 --> 00:23:01,730
And those are the people that I tend to walk away from,

374
00:23:01,770 --> 00:23:05,756
whether it's aimed at me or not. If I see somebody bullying, I start backing

375
00:23:05,788 --> 00:23:09,436
away. I'm like, this is not for me. This is not. Because it's

376
00:23:09,468 --> 00:23:11,692
just going to end up triggering something in me, and it's going to make a

377
00:23:11,716 --> 00:23:14,412
person come out of me that I have been trying to. And you got to

378
00:23:14,436 --> 00:23:17,660
stick your wife on them. Oh, you like to fight

379
00:23:17,700 --> 00:23:21,612
my battles, which is great, because I don't like to fight my battles. I do.

380
00:23:21,716 --> 00:23:25,292
Yeah. Now, I will say that something that helps add fuel to the

381
00:23:25,316 --> 00:23:28,732
fire of drama is alcohol. Now, all those drinkers out

382
00:23:28,756 --> 00:23:32,398
there are probably rolling their eyes, but, you know, it's true.

383
00:23:32,564 --> 00:23:35,690
Every single time that you have seen drama pop

384
00:23:35,730 --> 00:23:39,658
up, has alcohol been involved? Most. Nine times

385
00:23:39,714 --> 00:23:42,730
out of ten. Yeah. Nine times out of ten. I don't know how many times

386
00:23:42,770 --> 00:23:46,202
I have heard somebody say, I'm so sorry for what I

387
00:23:46,226 --> 00:23:49,674
did or for what I said. I was just really drunk. Yeah.

388
00:23:49,722 --> 00:23:53,130
You know, at some point, you're utilizing that as a crutch.

389
00:23:53,210 --> 00:23:56,122
Yeah. You know, I've gotten that so many,

390
00:23:56,306 --> 00:23:59,932
so many times. I'm sorry for grabbing you.

391
00:24:00,106 --> 00:24:03,464
I'm sorry for saying that to you. I'm sorry for

392
00:24:03,552 --> 00:24:07,192
messaging you that. I'm sorry for sending you that. Oh, I just drank too

393
00:24:07,216 --> 00:24:10,440
much. And. And I know. Well, you know, here's the problem with

394
00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:13,992
that is if, you know, you drank too much, you know

395
00:24:14,016 --> 00:24:17,288
what the problem is. Yeah. Stop it. Yeah. I mean,

396
00:24:17,344 --> 00:24:20,632
simple as that. I had that problem. Yeah. I had

397
00:24:20,736 --> 00:24:24,472
to stop it. Yeah. The only reason we bring it up is

398
00:24:24,496 --> 00:24:27,850
because I did. I had that problem in the beginning. When you and I first

399
00:24:27,890 --> 00:24:31,402
started dating. I would get. I don't know what it was. I guess I was

400
00:24:31,426 --> 00:24:35,114
just really unhappy and still going through my own trauma. My own.

401
00:24:35,282 --> 00:24:39,610
Yeah. That alcohol would just cause it to come out.

402
00:24:39,730 --> 00:24:42,442
I remember that it was an issue.

403
00:24:42,626 --> 00:24:46,106
So, yeah, it's. That definitely does. Caught. And it was.

404
00:24:46,178 --> 00:24:49,946
You and I were always good, and then I would drink, and you. It wasn't

405
00:24:49,978 --> 00:24:52,938
just what you. It was shot. It was my. Oh,

406
00:24:52,954 --> 00:24:56,250
yeah. And it's like you would become very. Wild,

407
00:24:56,330 --> 00:24:59,658
and it wasn't even mouthy. It was also actions. Yeah. For sure.

408
00:24:59,714 --> 00:25:02,986
Anything. I would. Yeah. So that was an issue. But you know what? People don't

409
00:25:03,018 --> 00:25:06,218
realize is alcohol is a depressant. You know,

410
00:25:06,354 --> 00:25:10,346
people tend to get sad or they get angry. There's.

411
00:25:10,378 --> 00:25:13,338
There's. There's some happy drunks out there. But realistically,

412
00:25:13,434 --> 00:25:17,510
alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant, and it makes

413
00:25:18,290 --> 00:25:21,918
more of your negative qualities come out.

414
00:25:22,054 --> 00:25:25,534
Yeah. So if you've had to come out and say, I'm sorry

415
00:25:25,582 --> 00:25:29,118
I did that because I was just drunk. If you've

416
00:25:29,134 --> 00:25:32,382
had to say that more than twice, you may have a problem.

417
00:25:32,486 --> 00:25:36,462
Yeah. And if you have that problem, you should probably talk to somebody.

418
00:25:36,526 --> 00:25:39,470
Yeah. Maybe talk to a friend or talk to a therapist,

419
00:25:39,550 --> 00:25:43,966
somebody who can help you with that. Because it's

420
00:25:43,998 --> 00:25:47,050
serious. If you're starting drama because.

421
00:25:47,590 --> 00:25:51,384
And it does start with you, you have to realize

422
00:25:51,432 --> 00:25:55,032
that. You have to. Yeah. If you can't realize that, you're never

423
00:25:55,056 --> 00:25:58,472
going to fix the problem. Sure. But. Yeah, that does. That's a big one.

424
00:25:58,496 --> 00:26:02,120
That's a huge one. Yeah. Because alcohol is usually involved. Yeah.

425
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:06,008
And that sucks. But, you know, it's not just alcohol that can flame

426
00:26:06,104 --> 00:26:09,048
drama, insecurities and jealousies.

427
00:26:09,144 --> 00:26:12,088
Oh, right here. Really? Right here.

428
00:26:12,224 --> 00:26:15,956
I. We. You and I do not fight.

429
00:26:16,108 --> 00:26:20,180
Right. But a lot of our disagreements in the beginning were

430
00:26:20,220 --> 00:26:23,524
definitely about my insecurities, and that would definitely cause

431
00:26:23,572 --> 00:26:27,972
drama. Yeah. I was an absolute jealous

432
00:26:28,116 --> 00:26:32,420
person and I wanted to be in the lifestyle.

433
00:26:32,500 --> 00:26:35,172
It was just a little hard for me. I didn't. I didn't know how to

434
00:26:35,196 --> 00:26:38,400
navigate it correctly. So, yeah, it.

435
00:26:38,700 --> 00:26:42,610
It would. It did cause some drama. Yeah. That was.

436
00:26:42,730 --> 00:26:46,750
Those were some times. And I, I can. You know, it's. It's hard because

437
00:26:47,370 --> 00:26:50,498
you are. If you're new to lifestyle and you're

438
00:26:50,514 --> 00:26:53,954
opening that door, if you don't communicate right,

439
00:26:54,122 --> 00:26:57,890
there's going to be a lot of drama

440
00:26:57,970 --> 00:27:01,378
because you have those insecurities. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

441
00:27:01,554 --> 00:27:04,626
What's funny is I remember

442
00:27:04,738 --> 00:27:08,242
us. It wasn't an insecurity or jealousy issue so

443
00:27:08,266 --> 00:27:12,312
much, but when we first started, it kind of was, because I remember

444
00:27:12,376 --> 00:27:15,688
I wanted my. I wanted my experiences,

445
00:27:15,784 --> 00:27:18,504
and I knew that you had your experiences already.

446
00:27:18,592 --> 00:27:22,072
Yeah. And I remember us very specifically. I wanted you

447
00:27:22,096 --> 00:27:25,880
to set up this threesome. And when it didn't happen,

448
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:29,128
I remember feeling just angry towards you,

449
00:27:29,264 --> 00:27:32,920
like, you're preventing this. You're preventing me from

450
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:36,712
having this, and you don't care because you've already had your

451
00:27:36,736 --> 00:27:40,690
experiences. Like, I was real ugly about it, I think. And I remember

452
00:27:40,850 --> 00:27:44,834
sitting back and thinking about it later and going, that is the dumbest

453
00:27:44,882 --> 00:27:48,818
thing I've ever heard in my life. But it

454
00:27:48,874 --> 00:27:52,850
Came out of a place of. Of jealousy and insecurity.

455
00:27:52,930 --> 00:27:56,114
Yeah. In the fact that I thought, well, you just don't want to

456
00:27:56,122 --> 00:27:59,362
do this because you don't want to see me enjoy myself. Yeah. And then it

457
00:27:59,386 --> 00:28:03,346
causes fights. Oh, man. Yeah. It causes arguments every single

458
00:28:03,378 --> 00:28:06,680
time. Causes drama, insecurity and jealousies. I don't do that,

459
00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:10,200
man. You know, one thing

460
00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:14,312
that I was thinking about when it came to drama is

461
00:28:14,496 --> 00:28:18,264
rbf. Oh, gosh. And I hear a

462
00:28:18,272 --> 00:28:21,480
lot of women, including yourself, talk about, I have

463
00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:24,760
resting bitch face. I have resting bitch face. So then people think

464
00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:28,296
that you're not very nice or that you're

465
00:28:28,328 --> 00:28:31,850
not very welcoming or inviting because you

466
00:28:31,890 --> 00:28:35,514
just are sitting there and you're not smiling like a

467
00:28:35,522 --> 00:28:38,762
mad person. Yeah. You know what I mean? Have you

468
00:28:38,866 --> 00:28:42,522
seen that come out? I have been told

469
00:28:42,626 --> 00:28:46,778
that I look so unapproachable. I'm always. I always look mad.

470
00:28:46,954 --> 00:28:50,346
And that right there is my

471
00:28:50,418 --> 00:28:53,962
way of saying, well, that's my face. And if you can't take my

472
00:28:53,986 --> 00:28:56,150
face the way it is. Oh, well.

473
00:28:56,810 --> 00:29:00,162
But yes, I have had that. And that has caused a

474
00:29:00,186 --> 00:29:04,130
lot of back and forth with people. Whatever. But yeah,

475
00:29:04,210 --> 00:29:08,270
it's funny because I've always wondered if I had resting face

476
00:29:09,130 --> 00:29:12,594
sometimes. Yeah. Sometimes I just don't feel like smiling. Yeah.

477
00:29:12,642 --> 00:29:16,386
I mean, it's hard to smile. It's exhausting.

478
00:29:16,498 --> 00:29:19,550
Like going to the meet and greets and just smiling non stop.

479
00:29:19,930 --> 00:29:23,500
My brain is never like

480
00:29:23,540 --> 00:29:27,324
completely there when we go out to those things. Like, my medication has already worn

481
00:29:27,372 --> 00:29:30,524
out. My. Yeah, I'm usually overstimulated. Yeah.

482
00:29:30,572 --> 00:29:33,880
The over stimulation. So it takes a lot for me to.

483
00:29:34,180 --> 00:29:37,308
And I. And that's because I wasn't like that. I am a people person.

484
00:29:37,444 --> 00:29:41,548
But yeah, the. The RBF sometimes will keep people away

485
00:29:41,604 --> 00:29:45,116
and they'll be like, but it's just my face. I mean, if.

486
00:29:45,188 --> 00:29:49,334
If somebody's appearing to not be excited

487
00:29:49,382 --> 00:29:52,582
to see you, I guess other people would be like,

488
00:29:52,686 --> 00:29:55,730
maybe I should talk to her. Yeah. We have.

489
00:29:56,430 --> 00:30:00,998
We have really good friends who do

490
00:30:01,054 --> 00:30:05,334
not ever smile. Yeah. Like, they never smile.

491
00:30:05,382 --> 00:30:08,694
And people will ask us, oh, they don't. Are they nice?

492
00:30:08,742 --> 00:30:12,086
They never smile. I'm like, yeah, they're amazing.

493
00:30:12,278 --> 00:30:15,398
They're just not smilers. Like,

494
00:30:15,454 --> 00:30:18,966
they don't do it. It's okay. They're like, oh, I just never approached

495
00:30:18,998 --> 00:30:22,098
them. And I'm like, they're not smilers. That's just

496
00:30:22,154 --> 00:30:25,670
their thing. Yeah. If you talk to them, you'll realize. You'Ll see the smile.

497
00:30:26,090 --> 00:30:27,990
Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.

498
00:30:28,890 --> 00:30:32,722
Boundary breakers. Now that's another label that

499
00:30:32,746 --> 00:30:36,562
you can get slapped with if it happens more than once in the

500
00:30:36,586 --> 00:30:40,210
community. People talk. And the

501
00:30:40,250 --> 00:30:44,242
moment you become a repetitious boundary

502
00:30:44,306 --> 00:30:47,452
breaker, you're thrown with that label.

503
00:30:47,596 --> 00:30:50,812
Who's breaking the boundary? Like, say, I have a boundary and you

504
00:30:50,836 --> 00:30:53,760
come in and you're breaking it. Yes. Oh,

505
00:30:54,340 --> 00:30:57,548
anybody? Yeah. I mean, obviously you're not. If you're

506
00:30:57,564 --> 00:31:01,036
breaking your own boundary, nobody's gonna know that. Oh, that's true.

507
00:31:01,148 --> 00:31:04,492
It doesn't make any sense. There's only one way for

508
00:31:04,516 --> 00:31:07,388
this to go. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

509
00:31:07,564 --> 00:31:10,834
Oh, that would definitely cause some issues. Yeah.

510
00:31:11,012 --> 00:31:14,502
Yeah. I mean, if we're getting with a

511
00:31:14,526 --> 00:31:18,342
couple and we're here at home and we have our very specific

512
00:31:18,406 --> 00:31:21,638
boundaries and they get

513
00:31:21,694 --> 00:31:25,478
violated immediately. Yeah. Are you going to overlook

514
00:31:25,494 --> 00:31:27,974
it or are you going to call it out immediately and go, hey, what the

515
00:31:27,982 --> 00:31:31,494
hell are you doing? Yeah. You know, it really depends on what

516
00:31:31,502 --> 00:31:34,950
it is. It depends, man. It's a hard. I mean, I would probably tell

517
00:31:34,990 --> 00:31:38,422
them, but it would be hard. You're not really a person to kind of tell

518
00:31:38,446 --> 00:31:42,080
people, hey, well, I'm not like. Because you don't like to cause drama.

519
00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:45,056
You don't want to make anybody embarrassed. Right. I don't want to cause a scene.

520
00:31:45,088 --> 00:31:48,608
I don't want to embarrass people because I don't like being embarrassed. No. And I'm

521
00:31:48,624 --> 00:31:52,032
good at pulling people off to the side and talking to them. But in the

522
00:31:52,056 --> 00:31:55,024
moment like that, what are you supposed to do? You know, you come to a

523
00:31:55,032 --> 00:31:58,448
screeching halt. That's a tough one. That is a tough one.

524
00:31:58,584 --> 00:32:01,920
That would definitely cause some. Some issues. Yeah. Like, let's say

525
00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:05,710
you and I are playing with a couple, and I'm with the

526
00:32:05,750 --> 00:32:09,870
wife and you're with the guy. And we distinctly said no

527
00:32:09,910 --> 00:32:12,250
anal. We do not do anal.

528
00:32:12,630 --> 00:32:15,982
And about halfway through, you feel him just

529
00:32:16,006 --> 00:32:19,246
shoving inside your ass. What do you do? Me?

530
00:32:19,318 --> 00:32:22,570
Yeah. Oh, I mean, you know what I'm doing? What?

531
00:32:22,870 --> 00:32:26,910
I would push him off and be like, sorry, this ended just

532
00:32:26,950 --> 00:32:30,090
like that. Yeah. Good for you. Yeah. I mean, I.

533
00:32:30,550 --> 00:32:33,782
Body with my body. I don't mind. No one's going

534
00:32:33,806 --> 00:32:36,710
to push that boundary. Yeah. With my body, like,

535
00:32:36,750 --> 00:32:41,238
no, this is. Or, you know, you have those guys who don't

536
00:32:41,254 --> 00:32:44,934
want to wear a condom. And so about halfway through, they manage

537
00:32:45,022 --> 00:32:48,854
to slip it off and slide it

538
00:32:48,862 --> 00:32:52,966
back in you what? When you find out after it's all said and done

539
00:32:53,118 --> 00:32:56,438
and the guy came inside you, oh, my goodness. What?

540
00:32:56,494 --> 00:32:59,746
What? Then I would. I would beat him. What?

541
00:32:59,818 --> 00:33:03,138
Like, I mean, oh my God, that's horrible.

542
00:33:03,234 --> 00:33:06,402
But you know, it's horrible. Yeah, but it happens.

543
00:33:06,546 --> 00:33:09,666
That is not a made up story. I have heard that before.

544
00:33:09,818 --> 00:33:13,762
Holy crap. That sort of thing happens. And the question

545
00:33:13,866 --> 00:33:17,106
is, how do you handle it? Oof.

546
00:33:17,218 --> 00:33:20,098
That's another episode. That is an entirely.

547
00:33:20,274 --> 00:33:23,698
Oh my God. That is a rough one. That. And that's. And that's a

548
00:33:23,754 --> 00:33:27,468
panic. That's a panic that some people have.

549
00:33:27,524 --> 00:33:31,324
That's a trauma that some people end up getting. And that's

550
00:33:31,372 --> 00:33:34,428
why there are a lot of people out there who just don't trust.

551
00:33:34,604 --> 00:33:38,364
Yeah. Because there's a lot of people out there who aren't worthy of that trust.

552
00:33:38,492 --> 00:33:42,140
And what does it lead to? It leads to trauma. And when you have

553
00:33:42,180 --> 00:33:45,484
that drama come out and then people talk, man. People talk.

554
00:33:45,572 --> 00:33:49,436
This is true. People talk. The grapevine is

555
00:33:49,508 --> 00:33:52,950
long and it intertwines. It does. And if

556
00:33:52,990 --> 00:33:56,230
you think for a second that people aren't talking about you,

557
00:33:56,270 --> 00:33:59,734
they are. And if they aren't talking about you, then chances are you're

558
00:33:59,782 --> 00:34:03,142
not out there enough to be talked about. Maybe go to a meet

559
00:34:03,166 --> 00:34:05,894
and greet, maybe do a few more posts.

560
00:34:05,942 --> 00:34:09,702
Yeah. What was it Kat Williams said? If you, if you have

561
00:34:09,726 --> 00:34:13,174
haters, then you're doing it right. Oh, I like that.

562
00:34:13,262 --> 00:34:17,094
Yeah, I like that. Yeah. So that's,

563
00:34:17,222 --> 00:34:20,934
that's the big one is, is the boundary breaking, like that's, that's the scary

564
00:34:20,982 --> 00:34:25,072
one. I think what also brings out a lot of drama is

565
00:34:25,096 --> 00:34:28,480
that whole alpha male, alpha female syndrome. Yes.

566
00:34:28,560 --> 00:34:32,400
There are people out there who really like to beat their chest and try and

567
00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:35,760
be the bigger, more powerful personality.

568
00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:39,616
Yes. You have this come out from time to time.

569
00:34:39,768 --> 00:34:43,700
I have a very territorial

570
00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:46,260
personality. Yeah.

571
00:34:47,640 --> 00:34:51,893
You really can't. I don't think you can tell. I can.

572
00:34:51,981 --> 00:34:54,949
You can. I can. Well, yeah, because it's. Because I don't know,

573
00:34:54,989 --> 00:34:58,053
you're my territory. I think people can tell

574
00:34:58,221 --> 00:35:00,609
because you have made comments,

575
00:35:01,309 --> 00:35:05,729
very alpha female comments in front of women almost

576
00:35:06,029 --> 00:35:09,621
to get your point across without actually pointing a

577
00:35:09,645 --> 00:35:13,509
finger at somebody. Yes. You know, you have this way

578
00:35:13,549 --> 00:35:17,178
of kind of putting out that vibe of this is mine,

579
00:35:17,274 --> 00:35:20,570
don't him up or I will you up kind of mentality.

580
00:35:20,650 --> 00:35:24,634
Yeah. Yeah. You also have it like if somebody's

581
00:35:24,682 --> 00:35:28,250
maybe very handsy with me or getting grabby over me and you're not,

582
00:35:28,290 --> 00:35:32,090
you're not liking it. Yeah. You have a way of putting yourself

583
00:35:32,170 --> 00:35:36,202
out there or interjecting yourself. Yeah. To where

584
00:35:36,306 --> 00:35:39,450
you make your presence known. Yes. Yeah. And.

585
00:35:39,570 --> 00:35:42,430
And it has push that alpha female. It has Caused.

586
00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:46,700
I don't think it's caused drama towards me,

587
00:35:47,480 --> 00:35:51,760
but maybe it has. It has caused drama towards me,

588
00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:55,696
but it is what it is. Like it's. I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure.

589
00:35:55,768 --> 00:35:58,816
Yes. I'm pretty sure there's people that don't like me because of that. I guarantee

590
00:35:58,848 --> 00:36:02,304
you there are people that don't like. You know, I mean, it is what it

591
00:36:02,312 --> 00:36:06,416
is. It is what it is. This is where it's the part where it's.

592
00:36:06,448 --> 00:36:10,160
Okay, I will say I, you know, I know I'm biased because

593
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:13,568
I'm your husband. Yeah. But you are probably one of the

594
00:36:13,624 --> 00:36:17,660
most understanding people that I know.

595
00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:21,216
So if you feel that way in,

596
00:36:21,288 --> 00:36:24,816
In. You feel like you have to activate this alpha

597
00:36:24,848 --> 00:36:29,216
in you. Yes. Eight times out of 10, you're probably right.

598
00:36:29,368 --> 00:36:32,640
Eight times out of 10. Now there are the other two times out of 10

599
00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:35,888
that you have been wrong. Yes. But for the most part,

600
00:36:36,024 --> 00:36:39,168
you're usually right. Yeah. Yeah. What do they say?

601
00:36:39,224 --> 00:36:42,304
Go with your instinct. Go with your instinct. Probably right. It's probably

602
00:36:42,352 --> 00:36:45,632
right. And it's probably true. Your instinct is probably right. But not all

603
00:36:45,656 --> 00:36:49,020
the time. There are times where

604
00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:52,380
I beg to differ. We're gonna agree,

605
00:36:52,840 --> 00:36:56,352
disagree, of course. Of course. You know one

606
00:36:56,376 --> 00:37:00,060
thing that I've always said when it comes to this community,

607
00:37:00,720 --> 00:37:04,328
because it's such a large and vast community. Right. Yeah.

608
00:37:04,424 --> 00:37:09,000
There tend to be people who rise up in leadership

609
00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:13,208
roles almost. You know, not just mentoring, but leadership roles.

610
00:37:13,304 --> 00:37:17,060
Especially with social media groups, especially with,

611
00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:21,740
you know, just different facets of the lifestyle.

612
00:37:22,240 --> 00:37:25,592
People can get pushed up into these

613
00:37:25,696 --> 00:37:29,500
leadership roles. Yeah. And when that happens,

614
00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:34,632
those people who are in these leadership roles, they can choose one

615
00:37:34,656 --> 00:37:37,992
of two things. They can utilize that role

616
00:37:38,176 --> 00:37:42,072
to help others in the community, which is what we all hope they

617
00:37:42,096 --> 00:37:46,504
will do. Right. Or they can utilize that role for

618
00:37:46,592 --> 00:37:48,940
their own self serving purposes.

619
00:37:49,680 --> 00:37:53,754
Some people use it in very cult like fashion

620
00:37:53,952 --> 00:37:58,326
where they know they have people who are willing

621
00:37:58,358 --> 00:38:01,286
to do their bidding. That is a good way to put it. And they send

622
00:38:01,318 --> 00:38:04,486
them out there to do their bidding because, you know, they're,

623
00:38:04,518 --> 00:38:07,702
they're kind of in these leadership roles. One thing

624
00:38:07,726 --> 00:38:11,654
I've always expressed to people is don't

625
00:38:11,702 --> 00:38:14,454
put anybody in the community on a pedestal.

626
00:38:14,582 --> 00:38:18,534
No. Don't worship somebody else. We are all

627
00:38:18,622 --> 00:38:22,440
the same. We're all just people. We're all just trying

628
00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:24,872
to get a nut. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like we're all just trying

629
00:38:24,896 --> 00:38:28,360
to have fun. We're all trying to enjoy ourselves sexually. We're all

630
00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:31,464
trying to make Some good connections, make some good friendships,

631
00:38:31,592 --> 00:38:35,528
and there's really no reason why we should put anybody up

632
00:38:35,664 --> 00:38:38,984
on a pedestal, even if they are in a leadership role.

633
00:38:39,072 --> 00:38:43,064
Yeah. Treat everybody the same. Because the moment you start treating

634
00:38:43,112 --> 00:38:47,182
somebody like they're better than the rest, then those people start believing that

635
00:38:47,206 --> 00:38:50,974
they're better than the rest. Yes. And the moment they believe they're

636
00:38:51,022 --> 00:38:54,798
better than the rest, that's the moment they start treating others like crap.

637
00:38:54,974 --> 00:38:58,318
I agree. And it's wrong. I agree. It's wrong. That is a.

638
00:38:58,374 --> 00:39:01,614
They get like a big head. Yeah. Yeah, it's. And it's. It's just the

639
00:39:01,622 --> 00:39:05,246
wrong way to be. Yeah. And so it's the leaders

640
00:39:05,318 --> 00:39:08,734
that you see that are celebrating

641
00:39:08,782 --> 00:39:12,510
the fact that they are just regular people and they're out there

642
00:39:12,630 --> 00:39:15,710
just meeting people and they're doing their best to mentor or give

643
00:39:15,750 --> 00:39:18,902
good advice, that sort of thing. Those are the people we want to. And bring

644
00:39:18,926 --> 00:39:22,646
the community together. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. We are surrounded from.

645
00:39:22,718 --> 00:39:26,518
Yeah, we're surrounded. Luckily for us, we're surrounded by really good people

646
00:39:26,574 --> 00:39:29,254
like that. Yeah. There's some good leadership out there. Thank.

647
00:39:29,302 --> 00:39:33,094
Thankfully. Yeah. You know, and I'm sure that they've. They've seen

648
00:39:33,182 --> 00:39:36,678
throughout the years, bad ones come and go. Because the bad ones,

649
00:39:36,694 --> 00:39:39,846
they. They come, but they come. They always go. Yeah. You know, they don't stick

650
00:39:39,878 --> 00:39:43,858
around that long. You know, at some point they're. They bring themselves down.

651
00:39:44,014 --> 00:39:47,754
You know, even in the vanilla world, it doesn't matter if you're a

652
00:39:47,762 --> 00:39:51,066
bad person, bad's always going to come back to you. That's true.

653
00:39:51,098 --> 00:39:54,970
You know, karma all the way. You put out good, good will come

654
00:39:55,010 --> 00:39:57,562
back to you. You put out bad, bad will come back to you. It is

655
00:39:57,586 --> 00:40:00,490
what it is. It is what it is. The moment you start seeing it,

656
00:40:00,530 --> 00:40:04,106
it happens. It really does. And I think it's amazing.

657
00:40:04,138 --> 00:40:07,786
I love to watch it. I'm not gonna lie. I enjoy. I enjoy

658
00:40:07,818 --> 00:40:12,078
watching it. I like. I like watching the destruction. You like the cookie to come.

659
00:40:12,214 --> 00:40:16,062
I do. Yeah, I do. I like bad people. For bad people who have

660
00:40:16,086 --> 00:40:19,182
it coming, I won't have anything to do

661
00:40:19,206 --> 00:40:22,878
with it. I'll walk away. Yeah. But I will absolutely watch

662
00:40:22,934 --> 00:40:26,382
it fall apart. Yeah. And I won't

663
00:40:26,446 --> 00:40:29,950
say anything bad about it, but as I watch it fall apart, I'll sit

664
00:40:29,990 --> 00:40:33,934
back and go, yep, you had that coming. No doubt about it.

665
00:40:34,102 --> 00:40:37,624
No. I think one of the best ways

666
00:40:37,752 --> 00:40:41,896
to get past drama, pretty much

667
00:40:42,048 --> 00:40:46,616
the way would be to be direct and honest and

668
00:40:46,688 --> 00:40:50,008
over communicate and be okay with having

669
00:40:50,064 --> 00:40:53,512
that uncomfortable conversation. Yes. Now, every person that

670
00:40:53,536 --> 00:40:57,512
I talk to who's new in the lifestyle, and they always want

671
00:40:57,616 --> 00:41:01,160
that advice, like, how would you advise me?

672
00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:04,840
How would you advise me? What should I look out for? What should I

673
00:41:04,880 --> 00:41:08,660
do? My number one thing is be

674
00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:12,380
able to have an uncomfortable conversation.

675
00:41:12,720 --> 00:41:16,860
Because if you cannot have an uncomfortable conversation with your spouse,

676
00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:20,940
you are going to get into trouble.

677
00:41:21,520 --> 00:41:24,744
Drama will arise, or you're going to end up hiding

678
00:41:24,792 --> 00:41:27,820
something, which in this lifestyle,

679
00:41:28,330 --> 00:41:31,666
while having sex with others is not considered cheating.

680
00:41:31,858 --> 00:41:35,506
Hiding is hiding. Hiding stuff is

681
00:41:35,578 --> 00:41:39,218
cheating. Yeah. And you know, that's what ends

682
00:41:39,234 --> 00:41:42,690
up happening whenever you don't. You don't take care of that. Yes,

683
00:41:42,770 --> 00:41:46,550
I. I would totally agree. If you keep it inside and you don't.

684
00:41:47,130 --> 00:41:51,122
You don't share. I used to hate having uncomfortable

685
00:41:51,186 --> 00:41:55,218
conversations. Oh, my gosh, that was the worst. Yeah, I. Well, my reaction didn't help.

686
00:41:55,274 --> 00:41:59,160
You were very reactive. Yeah. And I always. And it all started

687
00:41:59,700 --> 00:42:02,668
from. From this. The very first reaction.

688
00:42:02,764 --> 00:42:06,812
Yeah. We had. We were fresh and together.

689
00:42:06,916 --> 00:42:10,188
We had been talking about the lifestyle. We hadn't had our experiences yet.

690
00:42:10,244 --> 00:42:13,708
Right. But I knew that you liked women. And I felt comfortable.

691
00:42:13,884 --> 00:42:17,612
I know what you're gonna talk. I felt comfortable talking about

692
00:42:17,716 --> 00:42:21,676
this sort of thing. I thought, oh, wow, I have a girlfriend who likes

693
00:42:21,708 --> 00:42:25,556
women. Yeah. So we can check out women together. And I remember. But we hadn't

694
00:42:25,588 --> 00:42:28,788
had that conversation. We hadn't spoken about. About how to.

695
00:42:28,844 --> 00:42:32,580
Yeah. Hadn't spoken. You just knew. I like women. And I remember you and I

696
00:42:32,620 --> 00:42:36,196
walking around this flea market, Esque type of place.

697
00:42:36,268 --> 00:42:39,428
Yes. And there was this woman, T.C.

698
00:42:39,604 --> 00:42:43,380
very, very, very attractive woman. She was

699
00:42:43,420 --> 00:42:46,900
very curvy, Coke bottle figure and

700
00:42:47,020 --> 00:42:51,374
Latina walking right in front of us. And just.

701
00:42:51,462 --> 00:42:55,182
Ass was just out. Yeah. Just boom, you know? And we

702
00:42:55,206 --> 00:42:58,526
were walking right behind her. And I remember nudging you. We were holding hands

703
00:42:58,558 --> 00:43:01,934
and I remember nudging you. And I said, hey, she's got a good ass.

704
00:43:02,102 --> 00:43:05,822
And I was. I thought that was a moment that we were gonna share.

705
00:43:06,006 --> 00:43:09,710
And I remember your reaction was not good.

706
00:43:09,830 --> 00:43:13,422
No. And realistically, you didn't tell me off right then and there,

707
00:43:13,446 --> 00:43:17,440
but you got very cold and very inward. Yes. And I

708
00:43:17,480 --> 00:43:20,860
knew something bad happened. Yeah. And I was like,

709
00:43:21,240 --> 00:43:24,304
do I bring this up? Do we talk about this? And I remember when we

710
00:43:24,312 --> 00:43:27,936
got back to the car, that's when it came out. It's like. Yeah,

711
00:43:27,968 --> 00:43:31,392
I didn't like that. Yeah. And I was like, wait, what did

712
00:43:31,416 --> 00:43:34,240
I do? I don't understand. I thought. I thought that this is what we were

713
00:43:34,280 --> 00:43:37,260
doing. Yeah. Yeah, we hadn't discussed that.

714
00:43:37,960 --> 00:43:41,712
Yeah. And realistically, it took us several years to

715
00:43:41,736 --> 00:43:45,410
get to that point where I felt comfortable checking out

716
00:43:45,450 --> 00:43:49,106
other women with you and talking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It took quite

717
00:43:49,138 --> 00:43:52,258
a while. I mean, now I nudge you. Well, yeah. No, I mean, but yeah.

718
00:43:52,274 --> 00:43:55,778
Oh, it's good at it. But yeah, yeah, no, it. It really just

719
00:43:55,834 --> 00:43:59,362
was not something that I could do in front of you because you

720
00:43:59,386 --> 00:44:02,594
would automatically get insecure. Yeah. If I checked out a

721
00:44:02,602 --> 00:44:05,858
girl who had smaller boobs than you, you would get insecure because you're like,

722
00:44:05,914 --> 00:44:08,594
I thought you liked big boots. Yeah. If I checked out a girl with a

723
00:44:08,602 --> 00:44:11,610
big ass, you'd be like, oh, well, my ass isn't big enough for you.

724
00:44:11,650 --> 00:44:14,394
You know, I mean, it was always about you. And I was like, yeah,

725
00:44:14,442 --> 00:44:18,282
this is not about you. Yeah. I love you. I think you're

726
00:44:18,346 --> 00:44:21,946
perfect. This is about us checking out

727
00:44:22,018 --> 00:44:26,266
what else is happening. Like, it's not about you. Yeah. And so thankfully,

728
00:44:26,298 --> 00:44:30,010
we're not in that position. No. But I remember. I remember that being

729
00:44:30,050 --> 00:44:33,546
a major, major issue. And because of that reactivity

730
00:44:33,738 --> 00:44:37,548
and throughout the years, that reactivity, it took

731
00:44:37,604 --> 00:44:41,468
a lot of deprogramming for me to feel comfortable enough

732
00:44:41,524 --> 00:44:44,588
to share. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that. We're not

733
00:44:44,644 --> 00:44:48,972
hiders. We aren't hiders. No. But I am not always comfortable

734
00:44:49,036 --> 00:44:52,828
with telling you things. No. I mean, even still to this day.

735
00:44:52,964 --> 00:44:56,380
And I mean, we've had our share. You know,

736
00:44:56,420 --> 00:44:59,800
you and I have been together for 13 years. Yes. Right.

737
00:45:00,100 --> 00:45:03,678
And so we've had our shares of stupidity.

738
00:45:03,854 --> 00:45:07,290
And so it does take a little bit of time to

739
00:45:07,830 --> 00:45:11,678
get past that. Yeah. And come back and be like,

740
00:45:11,734 --> 00:45:15,502
okay, now we can share. Like, it's okay. Reactions are going to be

741
00:45:15,526 --> 00:45:19,166
what they are, and we don't. We don't

742
00:45:19,198 --> 00:45:22,814
hold anything back. Now everything is pretty

743
00:45:22,862 --> 00:45:25,518
much out in the open, and if we don't like to talk, we talk about

744
00:45:25,574 --> 00:45:28,890
everything. But. Yeah. The lying, the. The.

745
00:45:29,230 --> 00:45:32,518
The. Believe it or not, in the lifestyle.

746
00:45:32,614 --> 00:45:35,830
Yeah. There's even, like, there's cheating.

747
00:45:35,910 --> 00:45:39,654
Oh, yeah. That amazes me. Why would you cheat? We were just talking

748
00:45:39,702 --> 00:45:43,542
about a friend that we have. We were like,

749
00:45:43,566 --> 00:45:47,110
do you remember they were in the lifestyle. We just found out that

750
00:45:47,150 --> 00:45:50,950
they. The guy's having a baby with somebody else and the

751
00:45:50,990 --> 00:45:55,094
wife is. Got like, they divorced, and then another person got divorced

752
00:45:55,142 --> 00:45:58,336
because they were cheap. And I mean, you have consent.

753
00:45:58,528 --> 00:46:01,760
You. You're in the lifestyle. Right. So there's. You break

754
00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:05,392
a boundary, like you said, and there it goes. It just kind of unfolds and

755
00:46:05,416 --> 00:46:08,960
unfolds. But it's like, well, see, now there's. There's so many different

756
00:46:09,080 --> 00:46:12,832
layers there. Because if you're going into the

757
00:46:12,856 --> 00:46:16,400
lifestyle with a marriage that already has a few

758
00:46:16,440 --> 00:46:20,016
cracks in it, you go in and you meet

759
00:46:20,088 --> 00:46:23,274
somebody who maybe fills

760
00:46:23,322 --> 00:46:26,746
those cracks or fills what it is that you're missing.

761
00:46:26,778 --> 00:46:30,394
Yeah. So then all of a sudden, you're having sex with this person,

762
00:46:30,482 --> 00:46:33,610
and you don't know how to separate sex from emotion.

763
00:46:33,690 --> 00:46:37,786
Yeah. And you start to get feelings for this person, and then it develops

764
00:46:37,818 --> 00:46:41,354
into something else. And then all of a sudden, you're consumed with

765
00:46:41,442 --> 00:46:44,890
your relationship and interactions with this other

766
00:46:44,930 --> 00:46:47,936
person instead of with your spouse. Yeah.

767
00:46:48,098 --> 00:46:51,796
You know, it. It. It can escalate, and it can escalate very,

768
00:46:51,868 --> 00:46:55,252
very quickly. And especially if the person you're talking

769
00:46:55,316 --> 00:46:58,884
to is in a similar situation. And there's a lot of people.

770
00:46:58,972 --> 00:47:01,908
There's a lot. Yeah. Like, I didn't, like,

771
00:47:01,964 --> 00:47:05,028
really think about, and I was like, oh, my gosh. There's a lot of people

772
00:47:05,084 --> 00:47:08,692
that are, you know, in that situation where they're just

773
00:47:08,716 --> 00:47:11,892
not sharing. They're not sharing. And so you and I

774
00:47:11,916 --> 00:47:15,646
usually sit back and we're like, oh, man, that's gonna totally

775
00:47:15,678 --> 00:47:19,070
blow up. Like, that's gonna blow up, man. See it. You can

776
00:47:19,110 --> 00:47:22,654
see it happening like a train wreck about to happen. Yeah. It's like, oh,

777
00:47:22,702 --> 00:47:26,382
dude, this one's gonna hurt. And so, I mean, you. Yeah, you. You have

778
00:47:26,406 --> 00:47:30,078
to share. It's not always easy. Those uncomfortable conversations are

779
00:47:30,134 --> 00:47:33,918
not easy. But if you're in the lifestyle,

780
00:47:34,014 --> 00:47:37,374
you should already. You should be used to having

781
00:47:37,462 --> 00:47:40,520
uncomfortable conversations. In theory. In theory,

782
00:47:40,600 --> 00:47:43,832
like, you should be. But there's a lot of people that are married and they

783
00:47:43,856 --> 00:47:47,384
go throughout their entire marriage without having an uncomfortable conversation.

784
00:47:47,432 --> 00:47:51,080
I mean, I would hate to hear, oh, you. You really like

785
00:47:51,120 --> 00:47:54,984
this person and you really want to see him on a daily basis or something

786
00:47:55,072 --> 00:47:58,088
like that. Like, I. I wouldn't like to hear that.

787
00:47:58,224 --> 00:48:01,560
But if that's what you truly want. Well,

788
00:48:01,600 --> 00:48:04,392
you know what I mean, if. You hear it, like, say you come up to

789
00:48:04,416 --> 00:48:07,914
me and you're like, hey, so I've been seeing

790
00:48:07,962 --> 00:48:11,354
this person, you know. You know that I've been kind of going out one on

791
00:48:11,362 --> 00:48:14,122
one with this person. I'd be like, yeah, of course. And you'd be like,

792
00:48:14,146 --> 00:48:18,202
well, I just. I really like them, and I'm thinking about pursuing a

793
00:48:18,226 --> 00:48:21,834
relationship. You know, that's how I've always been okay with that. Yeah.

794
00:48:21,882 --> 00:48:25,130
Right. But at the same time, I would sit back and go,

795
00:48:25,170 --> 00:48:29,338
okay, what is it that I'm not giving? Yeah. What am I not doing?

796
00:48:29,474 --> 00:48:32,282
That she feels the need to get it from someone else. Yeah.

797
00:48:32,346 --> 00:48:35,274
Because at this point, I should be giving you everything that you need. Yeah.

798
00:48:35,402 --> 00:48:39,146
Now, if it's just something that you want to be able to share a relationship

799
00:48:39,178 --> 00:48:42,602
with somebody who's completely different from me or it's something that

800
00:48:42,626 --> 00:48:45,738
I can't provide, like another woman or something like that,

801
00:48:45,874 --> 00:48:49,482
completely understandable. But if it's another guy who is

802
00:48:49,506 --> 00:48:52,922
maybe similar to me or something like that, I would be like, okay, what am

803
00:48:52,946 --> 00:48:56,250
I doing wrong? Where am I slipping? And then

804
00:48:56,290 --> 00:49:00,784
I need to fix that now. I would rather have that uncomfortable conversation,

805
00:49:00,962 --> 00:49:04,308
then all of a sudden find out that you've been having

806
00:49:04,364 --> 00:49:07,556
this relationship on the side and you failed to tell me.

807
00:49:07,708 --> 00:49:11,748
Yes. That is the ultimate. That's the. That's the ultimate deception.

808
00:49:11,844 --> 00:49:15,636
Yeah. Yeah. That. And that is cheating in the lifestyle. And that is

809
00:49:15,708 --> 00:49:19,172
drama. Yeah. I mean, because realistically, that's how

810
00:49:19,196 --> 00:49:22,724
you cheat in the lifestyle. You. It isn't always,

811
00:49:22,812 --> 00:49:26,492
I'm having sex with somebody else behind your back. It's way more than that.

812
00:49:26,556 --> 00:49:30,620
It is. Because in this lifestyle, we're having sex with other people.

813
00:49:30,740 --> 00:49:34,588
Sometimes people play separately. Yeah. And if the consent is there,

814
00:49:34,644 --> 00:49:38,924
the consent is there. Yeah. But there's intimacy sometimes.

815
00:49:38,972 --> 00:49:42,680
Yes. That maybe that wasn't supposed to be a part of the package deal.

816
00:49:42,980 --> 00:49:47,020
There's smaller things that maybe shouldn't have been

817
00:49:47,140 --> 00:49:50,780
put out there, you know? I agree. Yeah. There are people that get

818
00:49:50,820 --> 00:49:54,578
together separately and they talk about their spouses, and it's like,

819
00:49:54,634 --> 00:49:57,474
whoa, yeah, take it easy there, mama jam.

820
00:49:57,522 --> 00:50:00,978
Do not bad mouth your spouses to your partners. Never, never,

821
00:50:01,034 --> 00:50:04,722
never. Should you ever badmouth your spouse or. Your partner to

822
00:50:04,746 --> 00:50:08,370
your. Your partner to your play partner. Yeah. Like, no. Yes. Don't do it.

823
00:50:08,410 --> 00:50:12,002
That is gonna cause some problems. That's gonna open the

824
00:50:12,026 --> 00:50:15,362
door to some very bad stuff. Yeah. And somebody's gonna see

825
00:50:15,386 --> 00:50:18,802
that vulnerability, and they're gonna say, I could take advantage of that. Yes. Let me

826
00:50:18,826 --> 00:50:21,962
take advantage. Yeah. Yeah. Don't even put yourself out there in

827
00:50:21,986 --> 00:50:25,194
that way. If you're unhappy in your relationship, you're not going

828
00:50:25,202 --> 00:50:28,618
to find the answer with somebody else in the lifestyle. Very true.

829
00:50:28,714 --> 00:50:32,634
You need to figure out your relationship first. If it's not a good relationship,

830
00:50:32,682 --> 00:50:35,802
you need to break it off. Yeah. And just be a single person. We have

831
00:50:35,826 --> 00:50:38,986
broken off many relationships. We have.

832
00:50:39,058 --> 00:50:41,882
Yeah. I mean, like, I have broken. I mean. Oh, you mean, like, if.

833
00:50:41,906 --> 00:50:45,210
With ourselves. Yeah. Wait a second, dude. No. You know what? I Mean, like,

834
00:50:45,250 --> 00:50:48,170
I, I got, you know, two marriages.

835
00:50:48,250 --> 00:50:51,370
I'm like, right, right. When you know, you have to know. When to walk away,

836
00:50:51,410 --> 00:50:54,890
you have to know. And it's painful, it. But it sucks. You mourn it like

837
00:50:54,930 --> 00:50:57,514
a, Like a death. You. You mourn it.

838
00:50:57,682 --> 00:51:01,402
But in the end, if you know something's not good for

839
00:51:01,426 --> 00:51:04,794
you, you have to walk away. Yes. And that,

840
00:51:04,882 --> 00:51:08,074
realistically, if you don't, it causes all sorts of

841
00:51:08,082 --> 00:51:11,402
drama. There are people in the lifestyle, There are couples in the lifestyle that we

842
00:51:11,426 --> 00:51:14,772
know should not be together and should not be

843
00:51:14,796 --> 00:51:18,212
in the lifestyle. And yet they're both together and in

844
00:51:18,236 --> 00:51:21,732
the lifestyle. And, you know, every single day they're hurting

845
00:51:21,796 --> 00:51:25,380
themselves. Every single day they're hurting their relationship.

846
00:51:25,540 --> 00:51:29,092
And not only that, but they're not only hurting their relationship, but then

847
00:51:29,116 --> 00:51:33,396
they're hurting other people in the community. Yeah. Who they're

848
00:51:33,588 --> 00:51:36,676
maybe cheating with or they're doing whatever with. Like,

849
00:51:36,748 --> 00:51:40,062
they're. It's not just them that they're screwing up. They're screwing up

850
00:51:40,086 --> 00:51:44,366
other people. Yeah. It's a big ball of people. Yeah. It's the worst.

851
00:51:44,558 --> 00:51:48,190
Don't do that to people. That's horrible. Stop it.

852
00:51:48,310 --> 00:51:51,422
Just stop it. So, you know, I'm curious.

853
00:51:51,566 --> 00:51:55,790
I had mentioned, whenever drama arises for

854
00:51:55,830 --> 00:51:59,838
me, if I see it, if somebody's being full of drama,

855
00:51:59,934 --> 00:52:03,470
whatever, if it doesn't appear malicious, if I can

856
00:52:03,510 --> 00:52:06,942
sit back and go, okay, I, I don't think this person did

857
00:52:06,966 --> 00:52:10,766
it purposefully to hurt me. I will normally

858
00:52:10,798 --> 00:52:14,542
give them the benefit of the doubt. Now I have

859
00:52:14,566 --> 00:52:17,810
a three strikes in year out rule.

860
00:52:18,390 --> 00:52:21,678
So the first time I can overlook it.

861
00:52:21,734 --> 00:52:25,470
The second time really starts to raise my red flags.

862
00:52:25,630 --> 00:52:29,006
And I'll get past it, but I will

863
00:52:29,078 --> 00:52:32,790
definitely be more alert after that. But then

864
00:52:32,830 --> 00:52:36,550
the third time, we're done, we're not even having a conversation about

865
00:52:36,590 --> 00:52:40,182
it. If it's the third time, you guts to go, like,

866
00:52:40,206 --> 00:52:44,246
I can't do it anymore. Right. And. And I will absolutely

867
00:52:44,278 --> 00:52:47,542
cut and run. I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna have a person in my life

868
00:52:47,566 --> 00:52:50,822
who's just gonna keep on taking me down the same road of drama.

869
00:52:50,886 --> 00:52:54,886
I can't do that. Yeah. And. And so for me, it's three strikes

870
00:52:54,918 --> 00:52:58,294
a year out now. Do you ever give anybody the benefit of

871
00:52:58,302 --> 00:53:01,910
the doubt? Do you give people an extra chance? Only when

872
00:53:01,950 --> 00:53:05,526
you ask me to. Is that right? Only when you ask me to.

873
00:53:05,598 --> 00:53:09,030
And this is, this is like, only if

874
00:53:09,070 --> 00:53:12,710
there's a person in the community and you

875
00:53:12,750 --> 00:53:16,050
ask me, can you give them another chance? Like,

876
00:53:16,350 --> 00:53:19,542
you know, I'll tell you. Nope. I don't want to do anything like that's,

877
00:53:19,606 --> 00:53:22,774
you know, they. They rub me wrong. Whatever. Yeah. You'll tell me to give them

878
00:53:22,782 --> 00:53:26,550
another chance and I'll give them another chance. Yeah. So. So normally at

879
00:53:26,590 --> 00:53:29,782
least one other chance if I ask him. If you ask me how have

880
00:53:29,806 --> 00:53:33,878
you ever given somebody an extra chance and I've not

881
00:53:33,934 --> 00:53:37,702
asked you? Maybe you just felt like it was somebody that deserved

882
00:53:37,766 --> 00:53:41,222
an extra chance or probably not. No. You don't think

883
00:53:41,246 --> 00:53:43,974
so? I don't think so. I don't think so.

884
00:53:44,142 --> 00:53:47,590
I know I'm pretty cold hearted. Oh.

885
00:53:47,670 --> 00:53:50,210
Like that. I just.

886
00:53:50,670 --> 00:53:53,894
If you're with. If you rub me the wrong way. You've rubbed me the

887
00:53:53,902 --> 00:53:57,126
wrong way for a reason. Because I go into this

888
00:53:57,198 --> 00:54:00,564
very open hearted. Right. And if I just don't

889
00:54:00,612 --> 00:54:03,540
feel you and you just don't feel me, it is what it is.

890
00:54:03,660 --> 00:54:06,916
Yeah. So, yeah, I'll be cordial, but yeah.

891
00:54:06,948 --> 00:54:10,692
No. Wow. No. Yeah. Mine is three

892
00:54:10,716 --> 00:54:13,988
strikes in your eye. I know. You're very sweet. Well, yeah. I like that about

893
00:54:14,044 --> 00:54:17,332
you. It doesn't hurt. I mean, it hurts. Obviously,

894
00:54:17,476 --> 00:54:20,884
when drama comes up. It hurts because I wear my heart on

895
00:54:20,892 --> 00:54:24,766
my sleeve. Yeah. And so I can. That's the chance

896
00:54:24,798 --> 00:54:27,870
I take. Yeah. Is I'll get hurt as much as I tell you.

897
00:54:27,990 --> 00:54:31,326
Nope. Nope. But I am. I know.

898
00:54:31,398 --> 00:54:34,542
You got to let this little bird fly. I know. Well. And I'm a little

899
00:54:34,566 --> 00:54:37,982
bird and I got to. I'm on. Cage you, little bird. No, don't cage

900
00:54:38,046 --> 00:54:41,662
me. You got to let me be free. But yeah. No, I'm the. I am

901
00:54:41,686 --> 00:54:45,886
the cold hearted one. Between us. But that's why we're a good balance. You definitely

902
00:54:45,918 --> 00:54:48,942
keep me grounded, that's for sure. I try, baby. Yeah. Yeah.

903
00:54:49,006 --> 00:54:52,574
Well, you do a good job. Yay. You know what I really don't understand,

904
00:54:52,662 --> 00:54:55,928
though, so is you've got these people who have a penchant for.

905
00:54:55,984 --> 00:54:59,048
For drama. These people who really,

906
00:54:59,104 --> 00:55:02,664
really, no matter where they go, it's drama, drama, drama. And then you have people

907
00:55:02,752 --> 00:55:05,992
around them who like to add fuel to the

908
00:55:06,016 --> 00:55:09,880
fire. Oh. Kind of like to fan the flame. Yeah. They may not

909
00:55:09,920 --> 00:55:13,112
be involved in the drama, but they're kind

910
00:55:13,136 --> 00:55:17,160
of involved in the drama. Like they're helping stoke the

911
00:55:17,200 --> 00:55:20,562
fire. Yeah. To speak. Yeah. The little minions.

912
00:55:20,626 --> 00:55:24,290
The little minions. I kind of feel like those people are just as

913
00:55:24,330 --> 00:55:27,842
bad as the people who are. Oh, for sure. Like they

914
00:55:27,866 --> 00:55:31,842
may not be really the drama, but they're kind

915
00:55:31,866 --> 00:55:35,074
of helping and spread. Yeah. Yeah. They feed into

916
00:55:35,162 --> 00:55:39,346
it and you know, let me tell you, we are adults.

917
00:55:39,538 --> 00:55:43,042
We're adults. We're adults. Come on, now. You know,

918
00:55:43,066 --> 00:55:46,898
if. If. If somebody. If I'm at a party and

919
00:55:46,954 --> 00:55:49,840
I'm around a bunch of people that we all know and,

920
00:55:49,880 --> 00:55:53,824
like, and somebody starts talking bad about

921
00:55:53,992 --> 00:55:57,024
somebody that I know and, like, in front of me,

922
00:55:57,192 --> 00:56:00,140
I'll easily stop them and say, hey, you know,

923
00:56:00,840 --> 00:56:03,552
I'm. I'm going to walk away right now because I don't really want to hear

924
00:56:03,576 --> 00:56:06,060
all that. You know, like, I don't need to be hearing this.

925
00:56:07,160 --> 00:56:10,224
There's not a lot of people who do that. What I've realized

926
00:56:10,272 --> 00:56:13,680
is people tend to kind of go with what their environment

927
00:56:13,800 --> 00:56:17,232
is. They'll talk crap about people because the

928
00:56:17,256 --> 00:56:20,660
people around them who they want to be accepted by are

929
00:56:20,700 --> 00:56:24,516
talking crap as well. Yes. It's a little bit of an echo chamber.

930
00:56:24,628 --> 00:56:28,324
Like, oh, I've got six people who I really adore around me,

931
00:56:28,332 --> 00:56:31,620
and they're all talking crap about Charlie. Yeah. And I really

932
00:56:31,660 --> 00:56:35,844
like Charlie, but I want to fit in here. I can't be the sole

933
00:56:35,972 --> 00:56:39,316
voice of dissension. So Charlie.

934
00:56:39,428 --> 00:56:42,340
You know what I mean? Charlie smells like. Like onions. Yeah.

935
00:56:42,500 --> 00:56:46,280
Like, you know, it's like that's. That's how that goes. And all it

936
00:56:46,320 --> 00:56:49,640
takes is one or two people in that group to start the

937
00:56:49,680 --> 00:56:53,480
trash talking. And then everybody else may not be comfortable

938
00:56:53,560 --> 00:56:56,744
with it, but they'll jump on board because they don't want to. They don't want

939
00:56:56,752 --> 00:56:59,560
to sit out. They don't want to be the odd man out. Yeah. And I

940
00:56:59,600 --> 00:57:02,952
think that that just makes them just as responsible.

941
00:57:03,016 --> 00:57:06,408
Oh, for sure. Just as problematic as the person

942
00:57:06,464 --> 00:57:09,896
who starts the draw. And that's just a bummer. Hey,

943
00:57:09,928 --> 00:57:13,650
if that's you, if that sounds like something you do, stop it, man.

944
00:57:14,110 --> 00:57:17,510
Don't do it. Don't do it. Be the better person. You're better

945
00:57:17,550 --> 00:57:20,614
than that, and you don't have to be that way. I think that's something that

946
00:57:20,622 --> 00:57:23,926
we all have to understand, is that we're not.

947
00:57:23,998 --> 00:57:27,142
We're. We're not all numbers in this community. Every single one

948
00:57:27,166 --> 00:57:30,854
of us is a person, and we're a person with feelings.

949
00:57:30,982 --> 00:57:34,790
We're. We're people who. Who get up every morning, and we have to

950
00:57:34,830 --> 00:57:38,786
figure out our emotions and our jealousies and our insecurities.

951
00:57:38,918 --> 00:57:42,634
We have to figure out our environment, and it's

952
00:57:42,682 --> 00:57:46,282
just as complicated for us as it is for you. Yeah. So if

953
00:57:46,306 --> 00:57:50,190
you're out there and you're treating people like dirt,

954
00:57:50,610 --> 00:57:54,750
then it's. It's really just kind of difficult

955
00:57:55,330 --> 00:57:58,650
that you're. You're making other people's lives harder,

956
00:57:58,810 --> 00:58:02,474
and you're. You're making people feel bad. And you. You don't have

957
00:58:02,482 --> 00:58:05,728
to be like that. You can be better than that. Yeah. It's a community.

958
00:58:05,864 --> 00:58:09,200
Yeah. You should be better than that. If you're not trying to be

959
00:58:09,240 --> 00:58:12,832
better, then you're going backwards as a

960
00:58:12,856 --> 00:58:16,080
person. Keep trying to be better. So for everybody out there,

961
00:58:16,120 --> 00:58:19,440
if this sounds like you, if this shoe fits on

962
00:58:19,480 --> 00:58:23,100
your foot, maybe take a little.

963
00:58:23,480 --> 00:58:26,480
A little look inside, you know, maybe say,

964
00:58:26,520 --> 00:58:30,352
is there something that I can do to be better, to be better for myself,

965
00:58:30,416 --> 00:58:33,754
to be better for my family, for my friends, and for my community?

966
00:58:33,842 --> 00:58:37,162
If that's something that you can do, then you're already a step

967
00:58:37,186 --> 00:58:40,666
above the rest. It's just a matter of figuring yourself out. And if you

968
00:58:40,818 --> 00:58:44,666
have encountered drama towards you, be the bigger

969
00:58:44,698 --> 00:58:48,042
man. Be the bigger man. Just walk away. Yeah. Be like,

970
00:58:48,066 --> 00:58:51,242
whatevs, man. It's not worth it. And let me tell

971
00:58:51,266 --> 00:58:55,274
you something. Talking about other people and pushing rumors

972
00:58:55,322 --> 00:58:59,402
and that sort of thing. Not cool. Nope. Not cool. Not cool.

973
00:58:59,466 --> 00:59:02,348
It's unnecessary. Nobody needs to do it.

974
00:59:02,404 --> 00:59:05,260
Nope. And if you think that you need to do it to make yourself feel

975
00:59:05,300 --> 00:59:08,412
better, then you're in the wrong community, my friend.

976
00:59:08,596 --> 00:59:12,028
Anyways, that's me stepping off of my soapbox.

977
00:59:12,124 --> 00:59:15,164
Wow. Boy, I tell you what, I could talk about this all day, and,

978
00:59:15,252 --> 00:59:18,492
you know, it's just. It bugs me. Yeah, it bugs me. But it is what

979
00:59:18,516 --> 00:59:21,804
it is. I'm not gonna let it change how I am.

980
00:59:21,972 --> 00:59:25,308
I am the person that I am. I'm not gonna be changing anytime soon.

981
00:59:25,444 --> 00:59:28,726
Sorry for you. Because I know. I know you wish I would.

982
00:59:28,798 --> 00:59:31,766
I know you wish I would harden up. I'll just always be there to,

983
00:59:31,838 --> 00:59:35,190
you know, make sure that no one with you.

984
00:59:35,230 --> 00:59:38,902
You'll be sharpening your knives. That's right. Always. Oh, that's my girl right

985
00:59:38,926 --> 00:59:41,942
there. Always taking care of me. You better watch it, because I stand in her

986
00:59:41,966 --> 00:59:45,734
shadow. You can't have this without getting that. You know what I'm saying?

987
00:59:45,902 --> 00:59:49,270
Anyways, that's gonna end our show today. I just want to take a quick

988
00:59:49,310 --> 00:59:52,630
moment and say thank you to everyone who's tuning in all

989
00:59:52,670 --> 00:59:54,850
over the place. Wherever you're at,

990
00:59:55,330 --> 00:59:59,162
you are acts. You're actually really just

991
00:59:59,346 --> 01:00:02,554
enjoying time with us. You're actually getting to know us, which is kind of

992
01:00:02,562 --> 01:00:06,474
cool, because you're not here in my room. You're not here with us.

993
01:00:06,562 --> 01:00:09,946
But I bet you it feels like you are, doesn't it? You're also

994
01:00:10,018 --> 01:00:13,082
welcome to interact with us. We really would love to hear from you.

995
01:00:13,186 --> 01:00:16,890
Feel free to shoot us a message on any of our socials or an

996
01:00:16,930 --> 01:00:21,178
email to our Beyond Monogamy email. That's beyond

997
01:00:21,274 --> 01:00:22,270
monogamy.

998
01:00:24,260 --> 01:00:28,076
So that's beyond monogamy number four letter

999
01:00:28,108 --> 01:00:32,108
umail.com and if you don't know how to spell beyond monogamy,

1000
01:00:32,284 --> 01:00:36,092
well, I don't know how you found us to begin with. Just copy and

1001
01:00:36,116 --> 01:00:39,404
paste, copy and paste. Anyways, thank you so much

1002
01:00:39,412 --> 01:00:43,080
for joining us this week and we will see you next week by.