S1 E16 Infidelity in the Lifestyle: A Paradox

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This podcast is intended for mature audiences only.

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We explore topics surrounding sexuality, intimate relationships,

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Hello again and welcome to another episode of Beyond Monogamy.

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I'm Adam. And I'm Pris. And today we

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are actually talking about something that's not so fun. It's kind

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of a heavy, heavy topic, but it is infidelity

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in the lifestyle. In the lifestyle. I never quite understood people

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who cheat in the lifestyle. It just doesn't make any sense to me.

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I think I've said this before in a past episode.

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I just don't understand it.

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Why anybody would cheat on their spouse

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when you guys are playing. I mean, this is an open lifestyle.

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Open lifestyle. Yeah. So we

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are discussing this because

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we have had it come into our

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lives and we were. We were brought to the forefront

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of a situation. Yeah. That we did not want any

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part of. No. But people brought us in,

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unfortunately. Yeah. And so one

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of our very good friends. Yeah. Is now

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getting a divorce. Yeah. Due to

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infidelity. Infidelity.

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Infidelity. And, you know, I just don't understand.

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Just never quite made any sense to me because what

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is it that you're searching for? For me?

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If you're in the lifestyle, you're doing it for sexual reasons.

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You know, if you're seeking something more

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than that, then you're seeking more of a relationship.

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Then you're. You should identify yourself as poly.

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And we do have people in our circle in our lifestyle

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who do. So they identify as poly.

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And that's. That's cool. That's fine. Yeah.

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But for those who don't

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identify as. Poly, who have not opened up their marriage to

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a relationship. Right. To carry

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on romantic relationship with somebody right behind

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closed doors. I don't know that. Just. Why are you even in a relationship?

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Yeah. Break it off, move on. I can't. I think it kind

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of stems from something way deeper than that.

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Yeah. Yeah. So say

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we were together. Right. Like these people. They were

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together and in the. When they first got

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together, it was infidelity. You know,

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they cheated on each other, whatever. All right. They've healed.

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And then they entered the lifestyle.

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And it's. Sometimes it's a lot of.

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Well, I'm in it. I'm in it because I want to.

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All these women. I'm gonna. All these dudes. Because he did it to me

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or they did it to me. Do you know what I mean? And so a

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way of getting back, which is not a good thing. Yeah.

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Because you're just hurting our community. Right. You know? Right.

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Also, so that's a lot of, like, payback. Sure. You know,

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and it's. It's kind of like

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you've already. You. You thought you healed. You thought everybody was

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good. And then it kind of brought up a trauma.

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Do you know what I mean? And now. And. Yeah. A trigger.

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And it's like, oh, yeah, that's right. She did that to me. All right,

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I'm gonna do this. Yeah. So, I mean, it's always one upping.

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Oh, but that's the. That's the wrong part of the relationship.

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I mean, I'm not a relationship expert, but. No. When you're

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trying to win an argument, you're not winning.

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No. You know, I've always said no resolution. Exactly. I've always said that

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someone has to say I'm sorry and move on from the freaking

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fight. Right. You gotta resolve. You have to. You cannot tell your significant

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other. Okay? I'm. It could take you

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years to heal. That's okay. Nobody has a limit on it.

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Right. If your significant other is tired. Oh, my God.

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I have been with Adam for 414 years,

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and this man every now and then has to

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bring me back from my black circle. That was a past

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relationship. It comes up every now and then, you know? And if

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you do not have somebody on your side to help you heal,

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no matter how long it takes, it sucks.

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I'm so sorry for you. Because it

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is. It is all about loving each other

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and wanting each other, you know? Yeah. Now,

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we've had that kind of infidelity. We've also had.

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Where it was an

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okay thing for a very long time, like, they were

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okay with them having fun with this person,

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and then one or the other, they start

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making a bigger relationship out of it. Yeah.

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You know, Right. Where it's.

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It was okay for a while, you know,

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and now somebody got feelings.

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Somebody got feelings and things. Somebody. Somebody fell in love.

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Yeah. And that complicates things. Complicates things.

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Feelings. Feelings are. Are very hard.

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And I think that's where some of that infidelity

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comes from. Yeah. But, you know, in situations

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like that, if there is something that you are

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getting from somebody else that you're not getting from your spouse.

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Instead of running to somebody else, why can't you

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be adult enough to just talk to your spouse?

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Well, communication. Hey, yeah,

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I like this and I'm not getting this.

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Yeah. And I really feel like it's a

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major issue. We need to work on this. You know, it could be.

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People are stubborn, man.

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Humans. We're stubborn. We do not

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like to get called out. No, no, no. You know,

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people do not like to. Get called out about anything. Yeah.

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It's. It's our insecurity,

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you know, like, nobody likes to get called out. Nobody likes

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to know that they were lesser than sure. You know,

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and I think that's what happens, like, is there's a. There's damage both ends.

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Yeah. You know, and it sucks when you're a.

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When you're in the lifestyle and you're cheating.

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You got. You're cheating with somebody in the lifestyle.

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Yeah. Like. Because that's not ethical. I mean, this whole

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thing is under the umbrella of ethical non monogamy. Yes.

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That is not ethical. No, there's nothing ethical about

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that. That is straight up cheating. That's straight up cheating.

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Yeah. And it's. And it's wrong. It's so sad.

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Because you have the ability to.

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To have fun. Yeah. If you're in the lifestyle your partner

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has given you. Sorry, whatever you want to call it,

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but permission to have fun. Yeah.

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You know, if you're in a relationship, you made a commitment to that person.

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Like, you didn't make a commitment to start being

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in the lifestyle immediately. Like, it. You grew into that and

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you should have grown into that into a good or a better reason. A good

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reason. And then. No, it turns into like,

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well, you know, I really like this person and I really want

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to just sleep with them whenever. No,

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it's. It's consent both ways, I think.

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Yeah. You know, like, you're not gonna just go have

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sex with somebody. You're gonna give me a heads up. You know,

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we're gonna be okay with it. And so I don't get it. When you're in

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the lifestyle and you just cheat.

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Yeah. You know, the lifestyle has its abilities to be very open.

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Yeah. And it can cover a lot of things as long as you're communicating with

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your spouse. My thing is, is that if you're in

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the lifestyle, you should be openly communicating with your spouse.

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It should be a given thing. We've done a show on this.

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Yeah. Open communication is so important, not only

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for the good of your relationship, but for. If you're in the lifestyle,

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you have to communicate. Yeah. So with that

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being said, if you see that you're getting something

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from somebody else and it feels inappropriate

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to get it from that person and you're not getting it from your spouse,

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you need to stop that and talk to your spouse. Yeah.

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Not continue. No. That just

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seems like this situation was even odd.

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It was the oddest situation. Yeah. You know, it was

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like, well, what?

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Yeah. And it just blows my

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mind because, you know, if it's.

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It's infidelity, if you guys have agreed to

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not continue with these people. You know what I mean?

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Like, it is. It's infidelity. I feel like if you. If I say,

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okay, we're. We're. We agree. Right. We don't like these people,

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we're not going to play with them, and you go behind

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my back or I go behind your back and start having a conversation

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and start setting up things. That's wrong. I feel like that.

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Yeah, yeah. Like, I feel like there's so many different levels.

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Whatever you make of it, you, you know, it's infidelity.

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Now, if you know about this person

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or people, and do you.

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Do you care if they're in the community?

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Well, that's the problem is.

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Are we. Who is to say these people

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cannot continue in the community?

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Exactly. I mean, it. It's not really for one person to

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say. Yeah. It's more or less the community.

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I mean, and. And realistically, you can't oust

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somebody from a community as large as this.

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No. You know, maybe groups. Sure.

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But even then, I mean, it. It's. Sometimes it's

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a mistake. Other times it's not

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so gray. It's very black and white.

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But I. I don't think that it's. It's the same thing as, like,

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you know, somebody committing sexual assault. You know, that person

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needs to be ousted from the community. A person who

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broke up a marriage. Well, unfortunately, it just happens way too

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often, and it. Like I said, it could be accidental,

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it could not be accidental. And you see, I. I thought differently.

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I mean, I. I totally agree with you now. Yeah. At the

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moment. No, really, I felt

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so. This person should not be spreading

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their horrible aura

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on everybody. Yeah. Yeah. You know,

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it's. Well, it's. It's just you being protective over your community.

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Yes. Because we've kind of spread roots into this community,

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and you want to protect it at all costs. And so I brought it up

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to somebody and they were like, you know,

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what happened with that person doesn't mean it's going to happen with this

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person. That's true. And it's so true. Right, but you're,

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you're, you're right. I was very. Get them off.

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Drown them. Yeah, yeah. You were ready. You were the, the.

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The townsfolk. Yeah. Yes. Heading out. I. So was Frankenstein.

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Yes. Yeah, you were. You were with your pitchforks.

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And you know, realistically, it is unethical,

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but it is also not a

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major threat to the community. Now, if this person made

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it very well known or was known in

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the community as somebody who busts up marriages.

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But if everybody keeps it so quiet. But so how will

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you know. But that's the thing is, is people talk,

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man. Oh, yeah, I know. And so we already know.

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We know. Everybody talks. Everybody talks.

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And if you think for a second that your name is not being

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mentioned in groups, it is. That's true.

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Everybody talks, man. Whether it's true or

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not true, people talk. And I

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understand there are two sides to every story. There's three sides

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to every story. There's 3 sides to every story. That's right.

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There's both sides and then there's the truth. Yeah.

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And you're gonna pick whatever side you want.

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Yeah. It is what it is. You're gonna hear every story,

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whatever. But, man, does that run deep.

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We have seen it so often. We have seen a lot.

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It's just never been this close to home. It's never. It's never hit

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anybody that was really, really somebody close to us.

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No. But we do know of a lot of different

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people in lifestyle and the. Stories that have been told.

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We've also known of cheaters lifestyle. Well, when we

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first started and we were in our hometown,

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I mean, you used to get messages all the time. All the time.

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Trying to get you to cheat on me. Yeah. And then when we were poly

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in that same town, I. I remember over and over

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again being told by women, no, I don't

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want it to be in the open. If you should just cheat,

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we'd be okay with that. Yeah. And it's like,

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what? You know, that just doesn't make any sense to me. Why would I do

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that if it's out in the open? Yeah. You know, and so when.

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When I find out that somebody's like, especially a guy,

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see these guys, they do this thing where it's a bro

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kind of moment or. Right. Oh, yeah. They do this to me often.

238
00:14:50,462 --> 00:14:53,734
And I am not the person to do that with. Heads up, people.

239
00:14:53,822 --> 00:14:57,222
This man is. He loves women and

240
00:14:57,246 --> 00:15:01,126
he is a protector. I am. I am a friend of Women?

241
00:15:01,198 --> 00:15:05,382
Yeah. You grew up all around women. Women are what I bond with the most

242
00:15:05,486 --> 00:15:08,886
as friends, just like you bond most with men.

243
00:15:08,958 --> 00:15:12,422
Men. It. It's just a weird thing that we do. I'm a big tomboy.

244
00:15:12,486 --> 00:15:15,686
I am not a machismo man. No. You know what I mean?

245
00:15:15,758 --> 00:15:19,080
No. And so I have a lot of men that come

246
00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:22,120
up to me, and it's kind of that bro moment, which is like,

247
00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:26,104
you know, I want to do this. And it's a very unethical

248
00:15:26,152 --> 00:15:29,544
thing to say. And it's kind of like, hey, what? Nudge,

249
00:15:29,592 --> 00:15:33,144
nudge. What do you think, bro? And it's like, nah, man.

250
00:15:33,232 --> 00:15:37,176
It's so funny because they do that, and then you come and tell me you're

251
00:15:37,208 --> 00:15:40,520
bro. Yeah. And I just kind of. I. I just kind of absorb it,

252
00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:44,210
and I'm like, oh, yeah. And I laugh it off and I, like, divert the

253
00:15:44,250 --> 00:15:47,602
conversation, and then I walk away and I go, yeah, I don't want

254
00:15:47,626 --> 00:15:51,346
to talk to that person anymore. Yeah. Because I can't. I can't do with that.

255
00:15:51,418 --> 00:15:54,546
Look, people, there's different dynamics. Yeah.

256
00:15:54,658 --> 00:15:58,130
There's different opportunities. Bring it

257
00:15:58,170 --> 00:16:01,874
up to your partner. I mean, this man loves

258
00:16:01,922 --> 00:16:05,330
consensual cheating. I do. Like, that is his

259
00:16:05,370 --> 00:16:09,538
kink. That's different. That's different. But there's communication.

260
00:16:09,634 --> 00:16:12,602
There's communication. And it's like. It's.

261
00:16:12,666 --> 00:16:15,390
It's not okay. It's.

262
00:16:16,290 --> 00:16:19,674
You break up marriages, you break up families. Like,

263
00:16:19,762 --> 00:16:23,290
oh, man. It's not just one person. You're not. It's not only you. Like,

264
00:16:23,330 --> 00:16:27,242
just for whatever you're doing. It's just not. It's not worth it.

265
00:16:27,346 --> 00:16:30,570
It is not worth it. Nope. It changes the

266
00:16:30,610 --> 00:16:33,738
lives of so many people. Yeah. And it's rough.

267
00:16:33,834 --> 00:16:37,322
Yeah. And all for what? For what? It's a tad

268
00:16:37,386 --> 00:16:40,880
selfish. So selfish. Yeah. Now,

269
00:16:41,420 --> 00:16:44,932
I was talking to my friend, and. And we

270
00:16:44,956 --> 00:16:49,360
were discussing. And. And I've told this to you too, you know,

271
00:16:49,820 --> 00:16:53,556
like, you. You. You love the attention.

272
00:16:53,668 --> 00:16:55,600
Sure. You love the.

273
00:16:57,420 --> 00:17:00,676
You love everything about. About the lifestyle.

274
00:17:00,788 --> 00:17:04,292
Pretty much. Right. But for you. You love the want. It's the want.

275
00:17:04,396 --> 00:17:06,320
And you love the attention. Right.

276
00:17:07,180 --> 00:17:11,156
Now, I used to get really insecure

277
00:17:11,188 --> 00:17:14,708
about you. That statement. Because I didn't think,

278
00:17:14,764 --> 00:17:18,356
well, are you thinking I'm not enough? And I would think you're gonna

279
00:17:18,388 --> 00:17:22,080
go find somebody else and. And. And cheat on me. Right.

280
00:17:22,380 --> 00:17:25,764
I do not feel anything. That statement.

281
00:17:25,852 --> 00:17:29,316
You can say. You. You couldn't even. You could say it. And it doesn't

282
00:17:29,348 --> 00:17:33,006
affect me anymore. Right. Because I

283
00:17:33,078 --> 00:17:36,398
know my worth, and I Know our marriage's worth. And you understand

284
00:17:36,454 --> 00:17:39,886
where I'm coming, and. I understand where you're coming from. Like, okay,

285
00:17:39,918 --> 00:17:42,782
I get it. But it took me a long time to understand that.

286
00:17:42,966 --> 00:17:46,670
And I know some people are

287
00:17:46,710 --> 00:17:50,734
not affectionate with their spouse. They're not doting.

288
00:17:50,862 --> 00:17:54,062
You and I are very doting on

289
00:17:54,086 --> 00:17:58,422
each other. I mean, I'm obsessed with you.

290
00:17:58,526 --> 00:18:02,070
Yeah. I think. I think people sometimes either have to take us or leave us.

291
00:18:02,110 --> 00:18:05,718
Yeah. Sometimes they accept us as the doting people

292
00:18:05,774 --> 00:18:09,030
that we are on each other. Yeah. And sometimes it sickens them, and they're like,

293
00:18:09,070 --> 00:18:12,662
all right, I gotta go. Yeah. You know, it is. There's no in between.

294
00:18:12,766 --> 00:18:16,310
Yeah. And that's us. Now, if I didn't give that to

295
00:18:16,350 --> 00:18:19,690
you, I definitely think you would probably.

296
00:18:20,510 --> 00:18:23,622
If you couldn't talk to me or if I didn't get it,

297
00:18:23,726 --> 00:18:27,330
you would probably cheat on me.

298
00:18:27,710 --> 00:18:30,694
You know, I couldn't say that. I wouldn't. Yeah.

299
00:18:30,822 --> 00:18:34,342
Yeah. I couldn't say that. I wouldn't. I. I mean, that's a

300
00:18:34,366 --> 00:18:37,350
very. You're a very. That's an extreme scenario. It is,

301
00:18:37,390 --> 00:18:40,934
but you're a very needy. You're very not needy.

302
00:18:40,982 --> 00:18:44,214
Well, so understand. I was. I was with my ex.

303
00:18:44,302 --> 00:18:47,974
Yeah. And you didn't. And I did. Toward the latter. Yes. Do you

304
00:18:47,982 --> 00:18:50,166
know what I mean? It was. It still happened.

305
00:18:50,358 --> 00:18:53,512
Yeah. And you still lusted. Oh,

306
00:18:53,576 --> 00:18:56,792
man. Lusting is a form of cheating all the time.

307
00:18:56,896 --> 00:19:00,500
I mean, hello, are we Catholics or what? You know what I mean?

308
00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:04,248
It's. It is cheating. Yeah. And people.

309
00:19:04,384 --> 00:19:07,608
People. People want that. Right. So if you don't get it somewhere

310
00:19:07,624 --> 00:19:10,520
else, they're gonna look for it. I. You know, I will tell you that.

311
00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:14,392
That one of the things that I love about

312
00:19:14,576 --> 00:19:18,420
this lifestyle is that I can flirt.

313
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:22,492
I can have this desire.

314
00:19:22,556 --> 00:19:25,164
Really flirty conversations with women.

315
00:19:25,332 --> 00:19:29,132
I can. It's. It's okay to desire other women. It's okay to

316
00:19:29,236 --> 00:19:32,284
lust. To lust. To kiss, to do all this stuff.

317
00:19:32,332 --> 00:19:35,372
Yes. And I don't have to worry about it hurting

318
00:19:35,436 --> 00:19:39,100
my. My marriage. No. You know. Yeah. Like, it's such a.

319
00:19:39,140 --> 00:19:42,732
It's such a fulfilling aspect of. Of it

320
00:19:42,756 --> 00:19:45,640
all. Yeah. You know, it's like. It's great. It's.

321
00:19:46,220 --> 00:19:49,092
You're not going anywhere. No. No.

322
00:19:49,196 --> 00:19:52,692
You know, what you get out there is nothing. This. It's not the

323
00:19:52,716 --> 00:19:55,876
same as what you get in here. Right. You know,

324
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:59,540
and it takes a lot for somebody to understand that.

325
00:19:59,660 --> 00:20:03,236
It's not. It's something you. Your relationship.

326
00:20:03,348 --> 00:20:06,868
Your relationship has to. It's a seed.

327
00:20:07,044 --> 00:20:10,164
They have to Plant it. And they have to help that little seed

328
00:20:10,212 --> 00:20:14,616
grow. Well, you know, I, I've always said that most affairs

329
00:20:14,728 --> 00:20:18,552
happen because they are showing cracks in the dam.

330
00:20:18,656 --> 00:20:21,896
Yeah. That's. That are invisible to other people,

331
00:20:21,968 --> 00:20:24,584
but people from the outside can see it. Yeah.

332
00:20:24,712 --> 00:20:27,928
Now, we are good friends to people.

333
00:20:28,064 --> 00:20:31,620
Yeah. And we usually tell our friends

334
00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:35,912
when. They have cracks, we try to be pretty open about.

335
00:20:36,016 --> 00:20:39,666
Yeah. And it's, it's hard

336
00:20:39,738 --> 00:20:43,266
because you don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. But we are those people.

337
00:20:43,418 --> 00:20:46,866
We're like. Yeah. You know, you know, we'll. We'll tell friends if,

338
00:20:46,938 --> 00:20:50,402
if we feel like they're not right for the lifestyle

339
00:20:50,466 --> 00:20:53,650
because maybe they're. Things are not as strong as they could

340
00:20:53,690 --> 00:20:57,522
be. That sort of thing. We have said it before. Yeah. Lifestyle is not

341
00:20:57,546 --> 00:21:01,150
going to fix your relationship. No. I mean,

342
00:21:01,530 --> 00:21:04,390
if it has, wow.

343
00:21:05,290 --> 00:21:09,030
Like, hit us up because we want to hear that. Yeah. Yeah.

344
00:21:09,370 --> 00:21:12,590
You know, and, and I know people,

345
00:21:13,530 --> 00:21:17,218
if you're, if you're having issues, like straight up,

346
00:21:17,354 --> 00:21:20,418
there's people in the community that can help you. Yeah.

347
00:21:20,594 --> 00:21:23,682
Like there's people that have been through a lot of. We have been

348
00:21:23,706 --> 00:21:28,018
through a lot of. You don't have to cheat.

349
00:21:28,194 --> 00:21:31,800
No. Like, it's just. You can't talk

350
00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:35,080
to your spouse. Talk to somebody. Yeah. Yeah.

351
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:38,648
And I mean, I, you know, it's one of those things. If it's a one

352
00:21:38,704 --> 00:21:42,584
time thing and it was in the moment, it was a passionate

353
00:21:42,632 --> 00:21:45,880
thing, I would even overlook something like that

354
00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:49,816
for sure. But if it's an ongoing.

355
00:21:49,928 --> 00:21:52,568
Let's keep this going. This is an intentional.

356
00:21:52,664 --> 00:21:55,020
I'm having an affair with somebody else.

357
00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:59,430
There is just no excuse for that. No, there's none

358
00:21:59,510 --> 00:22:03,250
at all. There's none. You know, it's just

359
00:22:03,710 --> 00:22:07,222
now it's just. Ick. Yeah. I mean,

360
00:22:07,406 --> 00:22:10,966
it, it is. And like you said, accidents, things happen.

361
00:22:11,038 --> 00:22:14,230
Sometimes things happen now. And that's why I've always said,

362
00:22:14,270 --> 00:22:18,006
you know, in our relationship, there isn't a single

363
00:22:18,038 --> 00:22:21,654
thing that you could do that I feel isn't

364
00:22:21,702 --> 00:22:24,822
forgivable. It's something that we could talk about. It's something that

365
00:22:24,846 --> 00:22:28,390
we could work out. Right. The only thing that I would never be

366
00:22:28,430 --> 00:22:32,050
able to work out is if I heard you or had

367
00:22:32,090 --> 00:22:35,170
proof of you talking bad

368
00:22:35,210 --> 00:22:38,322
about me to somebody else. Yeah. That to me

369
00:22:38,346 --> 00:22:42,482
is unforgivable because the intent is very obvious.

370
00:22:42,626 --> 00:22:46,866
Yes. It's very malicious. Yes. Anything else

371
00:22:47,058 --> 00:22:50,550
I can forgive because in the moment

372
00:22:50,890 --> 00:22:53,938
something happens, it is what it is. Yeah. You know what I mean? If it's

373
00:22:53,954 --> 00:22:57,000
a one time thing hey, yeah. Okay. Yeah.

374
00:22:57,160 --> 00:23:00,632
But an ongoing. There's intent.

375
00:23:00,696 --> 00:23:03,848
There. There is, and it's malicious. Yeah. You know.

376
00:23:03,904 --> 00:23:07,480
Yeah. And there's just. No, that's not forgivable. No, that's not

377
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:11,688
forgivable. It isn't like. It's so

378
00:23:11,744 --> 00:23:14,776
not forgivable. Yeah. I mean, there.

379
00:23:14,848 --> 00:23:18,712
It's. How can you forgive something like that where they're.

380
00:23:18,856 --> 00:23:23,128
They're specifically going out of their way to

381
00:23:23,184 --> 00:23:26,280
do something with malicious intent?

382
00:23:26,360 --> 00:23:29,544
Yeah. Towards. Yeah. I mean, it's just. I don't know.

383
00:23:29,632 --> 00:23:33,500
That's just rough. I mean, here in the lifestyle,

384
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:37,820
it's so fun. Yeah. It's so easy.

385
00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:40,500
And that's the thing about it. It should be fun.

386
00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:45,128
And I always said the moment it stops being fun, that's the.

387
00:23:45,184 --> 00:23:48,904
The time you. You. You should get out. The lifestyle shouldn't

388
00:23:48,952 --> 00:23:51,452
make you angry.

389
00:23:51,596 --> 00:23:54,316
No. You know, and, you know, if.

390
00:23:54,388 --> 00:23:59,052
If all of your decisions are made

391
00:23:59,156 --> 00:24:02,572
with the lifestyle in mind, then perhaps

392
00:24:02,636 --> 00:24:06,440
you. Perhaps you should look at your relationship a bit more.

393
00:24:06,820 --> 00:24:09,320
Yeah. You know what I mean? You know,

394
00:24:09,940 --> 00:24:13,932
that's kind of more important. It should just be a fun thing.

395
00:24:14,036 --> 00:24:17,996
Yeah. You know, be a fun thing. A little added bonus. A little added

396
00:24:18,068 --> 00:24:22,128
bonus. Like you should be your own individual person

397
00:24:22,264 --> 00:24:26,160
in. You know what I mean? I will branch off from that because

398
00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:30,448
we are. We are saying very specific things, but there

399
00:24:30,504 --> 00:24:33,904
are different situations in the lifestyle.

400
00:24:33,952 --> 00:24:37,616
Not everything is as black and white. Like, not everybody's

401
00:24:37,648 --> 00:24:41,376
situation is a coupling like us. There are.

402
00:24:41,528 --> 00:24:45,648
Like I said before, there's. There's people who are polyamorous

403
00:24:45,824 --> 00:24:49,202
and their situation is different. Mm. So not

404
00:24:49,226 --> 00:24:51,670
everything would apply in that fashion,

405
00:24:52,010 --> 00:24:55,778
but, you know, it just really depends on the dynamic.

406
00:24:55,954 --> 00:24:59,986
Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Now, no dynamic

407
00:25:00,178 --> 00:25:03,394
will allow cheating, obviously. Right. So don't. Don't.

408
00:25:03,442 --> 00:25:06,002
Don't get me wrong there, but what. Do you mean,

409
00:25:06,106 --> 00:25:10,270
then? Like, what kind of. Like, what other dynamic could it be?

410
00:25:10,570 --> 00:25:14,402
Well, like, I don't know. Now I'm. I'm off. Do you know what

411
00:25:14,426 --> 00:25:17,790
I mean? Yeah. Could there be another dynamic?

412
00:25:18,370 --> 00:25:22,410
Well, I mean, so some people that we know of kind

413
00:25:22,450 --> 00:25:25,882
of are in the lifestyle. One maybe dates and the

414
00:25:25,906 --> 00:25:29,786
other one doesn't that sort of thing. Oh, yeah, yeah. There are different dynamics.

415
00:25:29,818 --> 00:25:32,986
There are different dynamics when you involve poly. Yeah.

416
00:25:33,098 --> 00:25:35,750
So things get a little bit different when you're. Right.

417
00:25:36,050 --> 00:25:39,066
Yeah. And in situations like that,

418
00:25:39,218 --> 00:25:42,874
as long as everybody communicates and it's

419
00:25:42,922 --> 00:25:45,760
out in the open, then that's a different story.

420
00:25:45,880 --> 00:25:49,020
Yeah. But say. Say you and I,

421
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:54,032
we go out with a couple, and that couple one

422
00:25:54,056 --> 00:25:57,296
of them is, you know, Polly. Polly. Okay.

423
00:25:57,328 --> 00:26:00,620
And the other one isn't okay. And we don't know that.

424
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:04,448
Yeah. That is never revealed out loud.

425
00:26:04,544 --> 00:26:08,624
Okay. And we hang out, things happen,

426
00:26:08,792 --> 00:26:12,100
sex gets involved, which is the norm,

427
00:26:12,990 --> 00:26:16,370
and then it is revealed later on

428
00:26:16,990 --> 00:26:20,054
that, hey, you know, so I'm.

429
00:26:20,102 --> 00:26:23,542
I'm looking to date. What would your reaction be?

430
00:26:23,726 --> 00:26:27,510
I'm not looking to date. Just that. That clear cut and dry.

431
00:26:27,590 --> 00:26:30,678
Yeah. Yeah. What would your reaction be? I would

432
00:26:30,734 --> 00:26:33,942
be like, okay. I mean, that doesn't mean anything to

433
00:26:33,966 --> 00:26:37,014
me when somebody tells me they. They're looking to date. Now, are you telling me

434
00:26:37,022 --> 00:26:40,262
you're looking to date me? Yeah, See, I'm oblivious to that now.

435
00:26:40,286 --> 00:26:42,982
If somebody tells me, hey, I'm looking to date, I'd be like, well, good for

436
00:26:43,006 --> 00:26:46,262
you. If I find somebody, I'll send them to you. You know what I mean?

437
00:26:46,366 --> 00:26:49,398
I don't think like that. You see? You see where we're so different? Oh,

438
00:26:49,414 --> 00:26:53,334
my gosh. We are so different, you and I. We are what?

439
00:26:53,422 --> 00:26:56,806
Because you automatically absorb that as, oh, you want to date me? Well,

440
00:26:56,878 --> 00:27:01,062
obviously. Negative. Negative ghostwriter. I'm automatic.

441
00:27:01,206 --> 00:27:04,566
So someone said, well, good for you. I'm glad that you realize

442
00:27:04,598 --> 00:27:07,274
this is what you want. What would you say if someone said, I want to

443
00:27:07,282 --> 00:27:10,682
date you? Oh, I'd be like, sorry, homie, we don't do that.

444
00:27:10,866 --> 00:27:14,602
We're contemplating it. We are talking about it as per

445
00:27:14,626 --> 00:27:18,314
the last episode. As of. As of the last episode,

446
00:27:18,362 --> 00:27:21,850
we are talking about it. It is a dynamic that we are considering.

447
00:27:21,930 --> 00:27:25,866
But this is currently still the same day. That's right. Considering it's

448
00:27:25,898 --> 00:27:29,018
the same day. It is still something in talks. Yes. So I'd

449
00:27:29,034 --> 00:27:32,698
be like, sorry, we put. A pin on it. But we will. Parking lot.

450
00:27:32,754 --> 00:27:36,000
That. Yeah, absolutely. Come back to it.

451
00:27:36,460 --> 00:27:40,052
That's right. But till then, what is

452
00:27:40,076 --> 00:27:43,124
your answer? It's a no. You know what I mean? Until then.

453
00:27:43,212 --> 00:27:47,200
Yeah, yeah. Now, people have often asked,

454
00:27:47,500 --> 00:27:50,852
we gonna keep it real. Okay. People have often

455
00:27:50,956 --> 00:27:53,520
asked, have you.

456
00:27:54,460 --> 00:27:58,320
Has Adam ever cheated on you?

457
00:27:58,780 --> 00:28:02,000
My answer is always no, which is

458
00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:05,392
an honest answer. Yes. Have there. And has

459
00:28:05,416 --> 00:28:09,580
there been anything that has in the lifestyle that

460
00:28:09,960 --> 00:28:13,904
is like, I did that shouldn't have

461
00:28:13,912 --> 00:28:17,280
done that? I know I have.

462
00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:21,072
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. I've had. I've had

463
00:28:21,096 --> 00:28:24,736
a few different boneheaded moves. I know you have. Too little hands

464
00:28:24,768 --> 00:28:28,000
on the little. Stop that,

465
00:28:28,120 --> 00:28:31,328
you silly. You silly man. You know, in the very

466
00:28:31,384 --> 00:28:34,736
beginning, I've had one. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

467
00:28:34,768 --> 00:28:37,540
Early on. Really? Yeah,

468
00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:40,740
yeah. Is it our party situation?

469
00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:44,608
No, actually, I don't refer to that at all. In. When we really.

470
00:28:44,744 --> 00:28:48,272
Yeah, I. I want to know. It was that one guy. I mean,

471
00:28:48,296 --> 00:28:51,740
we can say here. I mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, there's that one guy that

472
00:28:52,130 --> 00:28:54,970
you. You went to. You were gonna go to his apartment. You were like,

473
00:28:55,010 --> 00:28:57,722
on your way to go do something. You were like, oh, I'm just gonna stop

474
00:28:57,746 --> 00:29:00,922
and say hello. And I was like, oh, well, what. Did you

475
00:29:00,946 --> 00:29:03,710
consider that? Would that be considered cheating?

476
00:29:04,370 --> 00:29:07,514
If I wanted to take it that way, it would have been. Yeah. Okay.

477
00:29:07,562 --> 00:29:11,322
Because I specifically told you I didn't want you to do anything. I didn't want

478
00:29:11,346 --> 00:29:14,714
you to it. Right. But I didn't specify that I didn't want you

479
00:29:14,722 --> 00:29:18,838
to suck his dick. Yeah. Which. And. And you specifically said,

480
00:29:18,994 --> 00:29:21,614
I'm just gonna go over there. And I said, well, just let me know if

481
00:29:21,622 --> 00:29:23,614
you're gonna play with him. And you're like, no, I'm just gonna go over there

482
00:29:23,622 --> 00:29:27,246
and say, hi. I'm really in a hurry. I never heard anything again.

483
00:29:27,318 --> 00:29:31,118
Yeah. And then you sent me this video. Yeah. And I was like,

484
00:29:31,254 --> 00:29:34,702
what the hell? Yeah. Like, I wasn't mentally prepared

485
00:29:34,766 --> 00:29:37,902
for this. You weren't supposed to do anything. And you were like,

486
00:29:38,006 --> 00:29:41,150
but I thought you would like this. Yeah. And it's like. Well, no,

487
00:29:41,270 --> 00:29:44,382
because, you know, I honestly. Didn'T know that that bothered you.

488
00:29:44,406 --> 00:29:47,502
Oh, man. Like, I've heard you mention it a few times. Big time.

489
00:29:47,606 --> 00:29:51,134
But I didn't know that it was really, like, an issue. Oh, man.

490
00:29:51,302 --> 00:29:53,534
Yeah. No, it was. It was. I mean,

491
00:29:53,622 --> 00:29:57,182
realistically, I could have taken it as cheating. Yeah. Yeah.

492
00:29:57,246 --> 00:30:00,702
And you were. I went home and you were.

493
00:30:00,806 --> 00:30:04,062
I maybe thought you were a little mad, but then I showed you

494
00:30:04,086 --> 00:30:07,630
the video and you were fine, but we never

495
00:30:07,670 --> 00:30:10,862
talked about it. No. Like, you just kind of let it

496
00:30:10,886 --> 00:30:15,022
fester. Of course. That's what I do. That's so silly. I know.

497
00:30:15,206 --> 00:30:17,410
I didn't know that. And anything else?

498
00:30:18,070 --> 00:30:21,582
Gosh, I'm sure there's something. Do you want to share one of your bonehead moves?

499
00:30:21,646 --> 00:30:25,198
I can share. I can share one. Mine. Okay, go ahead. Yeah, yeah. It was

500
00:30:25,254 --> 00:30:29,050
very early on. Which one? Well, I don't know which one.

501
00:30:29,830 --> 00:30:33,330
You pick one. Oh, you know what? I told mine. You tell yours.

502
00:30:33,910 --> 00:30:37,294
I told. You didn't tell yours. I just told mine.

503
00:30:37,342 --> 00:30:40,622
Oh, which one? Okay, there are a few.

504
00:30:40,806 --> 00:30:43,102
Pick one. He's a silly man.

505
00:30:43,286 --> 00:30:44,050
Yeah.

506
00:30:46,470 --> 00:30:49,854
We could do the one. The one from.

507
00:30:49,942 --> 00:30:52,890
Oh, man. Can we do two?

508
00:30:53,350 --> 00:30:57,022
What the. Man, what is happening here? This is

509
00:30:57,046 --> 00:31:00,286
only an hour long. We should do like confessions or something.

510
00:31:00,438 --> 00:31:03,330
Okay. So. I mean it. You're silly.

511
00:31:04,150 --> 00:31:07,130
The Houston one.

512
00:31:07,620 --> 00:31:10,440
Okay. This was very. This was actually.

513
00:31:10,820 --> 00:31:13,740
We were still talking about swinging.

514
00:31:13,900 --> 00:31:17,676
No, that is incorrect. Yeah, we hadn't

515
00:31:17,708 --> 00:31:21,212
yet. I was working for a company and

516
00:31:21,396 --> 00:31:24,140
I had been there a while and.

517
00:31:24,260 --> 00:31:27,868
Yeah. No, we were in the. We've been in the lifestyle for 13 years.

518
00:31:27,924 --> 00:31:31,212
Oh. Yeah. We've been together 14. That's right. This was not in the first year

519
00:31:31,236 --> 00:31:34,662
that we were together. That's right. Yeah. Okay. But it

520
00:31:34,686 --> 00:31:40,422
wasn't that far ahead either. Yeah. Yeah. But it

521
00:31:40,446 --> 00:31:44,598
was one of those things where I. I fully didn't understand what

522
00:31:44,654 --> 00:31:47,050
we were getting into when we got into the lifestyle.

523
00:31:47,710 --> 00:31:51,318
And I was very excited to get different

524
00:31:51,374 --> 00:31:55,798
experiences and the thought of having threesomes and this and that just

525
00:31:55,854 --> 00:32:00,450
seemed like a good idea. And there was this girl who

526
00:32:00,870 --> 00:32:04,862
had sparked some interest and we

527
00:32:04,886 --> 00:32:07,966
got to talking and I thought maybe

528
00:32:07,998 --> 00:32:11,838
this was something that I could set up. Well, it. It went from that

529
00:32:11,894 --> 00:32:17,170
to her and I just. Talking and trading

530
00:32:17,750 --> 00:32:21,118
naked photos. Naked pictures. Naked pictures.

531
00:32:21,214 --> 00:32:24,478
Yes. And that's. That's pretty much where it's. It stayed.

532
00:32:24,574 --> 00:32:27,780
Yeah. But it was

533
00:32:27,900 --> 00:32:31,732
cold busted Maine. Yeah. Cold busted. Yeah. And that was.

534
00:32:31,836 --> 00:32:35,172
That was the really the only time that

535
00:32:35,196 --> 00:32:38,116
was the heaviest thing that had ever really happened.

536
00:32:38,228 --> 00:32:41,268
Now. And you invite. You and I have never had issues.

537
00:32:41,404 --> 00:32:44,532
No. Like when we first got together that we didn't. We're not fighters.

538
00:32:44,596 --> 00:32:47,828
No. Pretty. Pretty strong. Pretty happy.

539
00:32:47,924 --> 00:32:51,364
Yeah. Right. I mean, we're raising kids immediately. Right.

540
00:32:51,452 --> 00:32:54,632
So there was nothing that was missing

541
00:32:54,696 --> 00:32:57,380
or uncomfortable. But you know what?

542
00:32:57,760 --> 00:33:01,432
She showed that she wanted me. Yeah. And it wasn't something

543
00:33:01,456 --> 00:33:04,472
that I wasn't already getting from you. Yeah. But it's the same thing that I

544
00:33:04,496 --> 00:33:07,592
have in the lifestyle now. I like that. That want.

545
00:33:07,696 --> 00:33:11,240
Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. And I didn't realize that

546
00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:14,520
that's what it was then. Right. Yeah. I was just

547
00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:17,720
in the moment and I was enjoying it. And it was what it was.

548
00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:21,442
Yeah. And then I realized how much hurt it caused

549
00:33:21,506 --> 00:33:24,610
because it caused hurt. Yeah. And it was. And.

550
00:33:24,650 --> 00:33:27,218
And there were no signs.

551
00:33:27,394 --> 00:33:31,310
No. Absolutely no signs. That was a moment of.

552
00:33:32,010 --> 00:33:35,030
Of a feeling, a gut intuition,

553
00:33:35,850 --> 00:33:39,074
and boom, I was like, what the f.

554
00:33:39,242 --> 00:33:43,390
Yeah. But. Yeah. There was nothing missing at home.

555
00:33:45,060 --> 00:33:47,884
No. Sex wise. I mean, you know what I mean? Like, we've always been the

556
00:33:47,892 --> 00:33:51,116
way we've always been. Yeah. It's just, you know,

557
00:33:51,188 --> 00:33:54,924
I will tell you since then, because I had vowed

558
00:33:54,972 --> 00:33:58,220
from that moment on I would never ever hurt you like that ever

559
00:33:58,260 --> 00:34:01,548
again. Yes. And I Never have. Right. And that was a long time ago.

560
00:34:01,604 --> 00:34:04,380
Yes. That was probably, what,

561
00:34:04,420 --> 00:34:06,520
2014, I think. Something like that.

562
00:34:07,300 --> 00:34:10,540
Anyways, so I vowed that I would never, ever do

563
00:34:10,580 --> 00:34:14,014
anything like that ever again. Correct. And I've

564
00:34:14,062 --> 00:34:18,094
stayed true to that, which I think is great. Yes. The most impressive

565
00:34:18,142 --> 00:34:21,758
thing that I find for myself, and this is something that I'm sure I'm

566
00:34:21,774 --> 00:34:25,118
going to get a look about, but whatever. But I

567
00:34:25,174 --> 00:34:28,926
know for a fact I've had opportunities to cheat on you several

568
00:34:28,998 --> 00:34:32,926
times throughout the year. Yes. And I have never once taken

569
00:34:32,998 --> 00:34:36,974
up on it. Yeah. I have never once entertained that

570
00:34:37,142 --> 00:34:40,492
thought. No. And I. And that. And the primary reason is

571
00:34:40,516 --> 00:34:43,884
because I love you. And I think that's. That's. That's an awesome feeling to be

572
00:34:43,892 --> 00:34:45,932
able to say. Yeah, I don't want to do that. Because I really love the

573
00:34:45,956 --> 00:34:48,684
person that I'm with. Yeah. I don't want to hurt her again. Yeah. For sure.

574
00:34:48,772 --> 00:34:51,160
You know, But.

575
00:34:51,620 --> 00:34:54,600
Yeah. It's just weird to be able to say that. It's like.

576
00:34:54,900 --> 00:34:58,492
Because there's guys out there who have the opportunity, they just go, I could

577
00:34:58,516 --> 00:35:01,756
do this and not get caught. Yes. And they. They will do that.

578
00:35:01,828 --> 00:35:04,966
Yeah. And not get caught. All think they wouldn't

579
00:35:04,998 --> 00:35:08,518
get caught. Well, some of them don't get caught. Yeah. You know what I mean?

580
00:35:08,574 --> 00:35:13,478
Yeah. There's a lot of them that don't get caught. Yeah. And I.

581
00:35:13,534 --> 00:35:16,582
I don't think I could live with it. No. I don't think I could live

582
00:35:16,606 --> 00:35:19,570
with the guilt. You and I are too close.

583
00:35:19,950 --> 00:35:24,038
Yeah. We're too close. You. You know when something's wrong

584
00:35:24,054 --> 00:35:27,414
with me. Yeah. You feel it. I do. There's no way I

585
00:35:27,422 --> 00:35:30,368
could keep that inside. There isn't. No. No,

586
00:35:30,424 --> 00:35:34,016
No. I can't do it. There isn't. You and I have this. A weird

587
00:35:34,128 --> 00:35:37,856
connection. Yeah. Like, I don't know if anybody else has.

588
00:35:37,928 --> 00:35:41,360
I'm sure other people have that, but you and I have a

589
00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:44,480
very weird connection. Yeah.

590
00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:48,080
It's like the connections I have with my kids. Yeah. And we've always

591
00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:51,072
been able to feel each other. We've always been able to. It's like we're in

592
00:35:51,096 --> 00:35:54,640
each other's minds half the time, you know? Yeah. I'll. I'll bring something

593
00:35:54,680 --> 00:35:58,294
up, and you'll be like, I was literally just thinking that. Stuff like, that we

594
00:35:58,432 --> 00:36:02,442
been able to feel each other even when we were in different places,

595
00:36:02,506 --> 00:36:05,722
when I was in Corpus and you were in Austin, and.

596
00:36:05,826 --> 00:36:09,418
And that whole thing was. Was hard because we were far away

597
00:36:09,474 --> 00:36:13,242
from each other and we could still feel each

598
00:36:13,266 --> 00:36:16,554
other. We could feel when something was wrong, when we were having a bad day,

599
00:36:16,642 --> 00:36:21,306
all sorts of stuff. We just knew. Yeah. And there was no. No infidelity.

600
00:36:21,418 --> 00:36:25,002
Yeah. No. Well, now there would be a lot of people that.

601
00:36:25,106 --> 00:36:28,794
That would say that that situation with the

602
00:36:28,882 --> 00:36:32,826
trading the pictures and whatnot, that. That is a form of cheating without.

603
00:36:32,898 --> 00:36:36,330
Talking to the other person. Yeah. Yeah. I think we've. We've said that. I think

604
00:36:36,370 --> 00:36:40,270
we've said. Yeah. I mean, you know, if you can't.

605
00:36:40,690 --> 00:36:44,826
If you have to keep us. Keep it a secret. If it's a secret and

606
00:36:44,898 --> 00:36:48,202
you know the other person is going to get upset about it.

607
00:36:48,386 --> 00:36:51,722
Yeah. I. And see, since then, I've kind of adapted that

608
00:36:51,746 --> 00:36:55,062
rule, which is if it feels inappropriate,

609
00:36:55,206 --> 00:36:58,214
it's inappropriate. Yeah. And that's funny because we're in the lifestyle.

610
00:36:58,262 --> 00:37:01,334
Right. But you. You have a line.

611
00:37:01,502 --> 00:37:04,742
Yeah. You know, you ha. You have a line. And you

612
00:37:04,766 --> 00:37:08,678
and I are very open with each other. Like, there are no.

613
00:37:08,814 --> 00:37:13,010
Like, we know, we. We have each other's access to phones and

614
00:37:13,390 --> 00:37:16,410
whatever. Right. It's.

615
00:37:17,230 --> 00:37:20,754
It's not something I obsess about anymore. Yeah.

616
00:37:20,802 --> 00:37:24,258
But it was something I obsessed about a

617
00:37:24,314 --> 00:37:27,314
lot. I can't even imagine. Yeah.

618
00:37:27,442 --> 00:37:31,138
Yeah. Well, because all your little silly mistakes have been on social

619
00:37:31,194 --> 00:37:33,950
media. Do you know what I mean?

620
00:37:34,330 --> 00:37:37,910
Classic. Classic Adam. Yeah.

621
00:37:38,730 --> 00:37:42,482
Silly guy. But, yeah, that's about. I mean, I'm a very forgiving

622
00:37:42,546 --> 00:37:45,966
person. Did it hurt me then?

623
00:37:46,138 --> 00:37:49,942
Yeah. We talked about it over it. You know, it was a mistake. Yeah.

624
00:37:50,006 --> 00:37:53,958
And we do not. We're not those people that bring up, like, this is

625
00:37:54,014 --> 00:37:57,078
probably the most. We've ever talked about it.

626
00:37:57,134 --> 00:38:01,126
Right. Since it happened. Right. Because it's not something that weighs.

627
00:38:01,318 --> 00:38:05,238
No. On us. No. It was something we. It was a mistake.

628
00:38:05,334 --> 00:38:09,170
Yeah. And I. I made it right.

629
00:38:09,470 --> 00:38:12,076
I did what I had to do to make it right. Most of that.

630
00:38:12,148 --> 00:38:15,052
I mean, you made it real clear. You were like, okay, look, this is what

631
00:38:15,076 --> 00:38:18,540
I want. Yeah. You tell her this.

632
00:38:18,660 --> 00:38:21,852
Yeah. End it off. Yeah. Block her.

633
00:38:21,876 --> 00:38:25,212
That's it. You're done. And I said, okay. Yeah. And I

634
00:38:25,236 --> 00:38:27,640
took care of it. Yeah. And that was it.

635
00:38:27,940 --> 00:38:31,292
And that was that. That kind

636
00:38:31,316 --> 00:38:34,812
of changed a lot for me. That was the turning point. Yeah. Yeah,

637
00:38:34,876 --> 00:38:38,362
yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah. That was. You are. It was

638
00:38:38,386 --> 00:38:42,394
a bad moment for me. Yeah. But it was a turning point for us.

639
00:38:42,482 --> 00:38:45,322
Yeah. And for me, I will say it. It was.

640
00:38:45,426 --> 00:38:49,034
I think I grew up a lot. Like, I'm not a

641
00:38:49,042 --> 00:38:52,470
very forgiving person when it comes to that. Only because,

642
00:38:52,930 --> 00:38:56,634
you know, my past Relationships and stuff. Yeah. I was always cheated

643
00:38:56,682 --> 00:39:00,230
on. Right. Or not wanted. And so

644
00:39:00,770 --> 00:39:04,788
I really felt that you were very sincere. Even now,

645
00:39:04,924 --> 00:39:07,972
like just talking to you about it, you just don't like it. You're uncomfortable.

646
00:39:08,036 --> 00:39:11,840
Oh, I'm so uncomfortable. You're very uncomfortable. I don't like to,

647
00:39:12,380 --> 00:39:15,524
to know that I did that. Yeah, yeah, no, that's,

648
00:39:15,572 --> 00:39:18,852
that's the worst thing. Yeah. But you know,

649
00:39:18,876 --> 00:39:22,660
I'm one of those where I don't up twice.

650
00:39:22,820 --> 00:39:26,004
No, no, no. I may up once.

651
00:39:26,092 --> 00:39:30,116
Yeah. And if you, if you are okay

652
00:39:30,148 --> 00:39:33,712
with me, fuck fixing it. Yeah. I won't up

653
00:39:33,736 --> 00:39:37,232
again. And you know, you. We've both had those moments. I mean, it's been with

654
00:39:37,256 --> 00:39:41,328
different things. And we've always said that only we can this up. Right. You know?

655
00:39:41,384 --> 00:39:45,056
Right. And there are certain things that you have brought up to me and it's

656
00:39:45,088 --> 00:39:48,112
very uncomfortable. Yeah. Because we,

657
00:39:48,216 --> 00:39:51,568
we hate to be in that vulnerable spot, you know?

658
00:39:51,624 --> 00:39:55,248
Yeah. Yeah. And so it's cool. Like I,

659
00:39:55,304 --> 00:39:59,122
I could actually, when she asked me, has he ever. Have you ever

660
00:39:59,296 --> 00:40:02,894
been, you know, have I. Have you ever cheated

661
00:40:02,942 --> 00:40:05,934
on me? I was like, no. Yeah. No, never.

662
00:40:06,102 --> 00:40:09,970
Yeah. You know, it's. It's definitely a good feeling.

663
00:40:10,470 --> 00:40:13,582
Now I. Have you ever thought if you

664
00:40:13,606 --> 00:40:16,846
were not in the lifestyle, would you be a cheater?

665
00:40:17,038 --> 00:40:20,350
See, now that's a tough one because I

666
00:40:20,390 --> 00:40:24,286
don't think I would be. But it really depends on what you consider cheating.

667
00:40:24,398 --> 00:40:27,568
Because I probably would.

668
00:40:27,624 --> 00:40:31,040
I mean, I, I've always been very woman crazy and

669
00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:34,832
so I've always lusted after other women and

670
00:40:34,936 --> 00:40:38,480
you know, that. Could be a form of cheating that. I mean, it really just

671
00:40:38,520 --> 00:40:42,080
depends on how broad your, your generalization is

672
00:40:42,120 --> 00:40:43,380
of cheating.

673
00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:48,460
If. I mean, I get plenty from you.

674
00:40:48,760 --> 00:40:51,920
So I, I think I would be fine if we decided to not

675
00:40:51,960 --> 00:40:55,100
be in the lifestyle. Right. But would

676
00:40:55,140 --> 00:40:58,600
I not like the decision? I don't know.

677
00:40:59,060 --> 00:41:01,532
That's tough to say. But I wouldn't cheat on you.

678
00:41:01,636 --> 00:41:05,660
Yeah. I wouldn't find it difficult to be loyal to

679
00:41:05,700 --> 00:41:08,940
you now. Yeah.

680
00:41:09,020 --> 00:41:12,700
Wow. Now when I was young, like when we were

681
00:41:12,740 --> 00:41:16,652
younger, like when we first started. Yeah. Possibly that would

682
00:41:16,676 --> 00:41:20,152
have been a bit more confusing because in the

683
00:41:20,176 --> 00:41:24,504
beginning, when we first started in the lifestyle, I was very eager to get my

684
00:41:24,672 --> 00:41:28,536
experiences. I wanted to feel the want from women.

685
00:41:28,608 --> 00:41:32,888
This was the first opportunity I've ever had to get that right.

686
00:41:33,024 --> 00:41:36,820
And so I really went overboard. I wanted to feel

687
00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:40,968
all of this stuff. Just having a woman kind of brush her hand

688
00:41:41,024 --> 00:41:43,816
on my arm and I was like, oh my gosh,

689
00:41:44,008 --> 00:41:47,304
I Think she wants me, you know, and then I get all excited. Yeah.

690
00:41:47,352 --> 00:41:50,632
I get all excited. Yeah. That, that did a

691
00:41:50,656 --> 00:41:54,424
lot for me. And so early on I was very

692
00:41:54,512 --> 00:41:58,424
clouded with that. It's easy for

693
00:41:58,512 --> 00:42:02,008
somebody new to come in and get overexcited and get

694
00:42:02,064 --> 00:42:05,460
very clouded by the want of getting

695
00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:08,984
their experiences. Right. So all of a

696
00:42:08,992 --> 00:42:11,384
sudden it's like, oh, yeah, I want to do this and I want to do

697
00:42:11,392 --> 00:42:14,336
that. Oh. And I want to feel this and I want to feel that and

698
00:42:14,408 --> 00:42:17,920
not really think about how that's going to affect their partner and not

699
00:42:17,960 --> 00:42:21,328
really think about how it's going to affect you. When your partner

700
00:42:21,424 --> 00:42:24,512
does it, all you're thinking about is in

701
00:42:24,536 --> 00:42:27,296
the moment. I want to do this and I want to do that.

702
00:42:27,448 --> 00:42:30,928
Yeah. And it clouds

703
00:42:31,104 --> 00:42:34,896
everything. It clouds your judgment. It just clouds

704
00:42:34,928 --> 00:42:38,880
how you think about the whole situation because you're

705
00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:42,894
so goal oriented into getting this experience.

706
00:42:43,062 --> 00:42:46,718
Yeah. And having this. Yeah. This high

707
00:42:46,774 --> 00:42:49,902
peaking, you know, getting those feel good

708
00:42:49,926 --> 00:42:53,486
endorphins. Yeah. I mean, realistically,

709
00:42:53,678 --> 00:42:57,530
it's that dopamine that people get addicted to.

710
00:42:57,830 --> 00:43:01,406
You understand? It's the same thing. You get it from, from,

711
00:43:01,478 --> 00:43:05,694
from drugs. I mean, it's, it's, it's that dopamine. It's that high

712
00:43:05,862 --> 00:43:09,910
of, of having sex, feeling that want,

713
00:43:10,450 --> 00:43:14,266
coming with somebody that. Yeah. Maybe you shouldn't be. Yeah.

714
00:43:14,378 --> 00:43:17,642
You know what I mean? Yeah. Does it make it right? No,

715
00:43:17,746 --> 00:43:21,514
obviously it doesn't, but it's, it's there.

716
00:43:21,602 --> 00:43:25,066
People get addicted to that sort of thing. Yeah. That's why there's

717
00:43:25,098 --> 00:43:27,722
people out there that are like habitual cheaters.

718
00:43:27,786 --> 00:43:30,266
Yeah. That's why I could never cheat on you.

719
00:43:30,418 --> 00:43:35,312
Never. Why? I just do not like people now.

720
00:43:35,416 --> 00:43:38,784
I mean, I was a bartender grown to like people.

721
00:43:38,872 --> 00:43:41,568
I could have cheated many times. Yeah.

722
00:43:41,744 --> 00:43:45,820
Yeah, that's true. No at all.

723
00:43:46,200 --> 00:43:50,300
Like not even interested. Yeah. Not even.

724
00:43:51,240 --> 00:43:54,540
Nothing at all. Which is very.

725
00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:59,412
Because it was, it's very weird now looking back at it and

726
00:43:59,436 --> 00:44:03,428
thinking about it. Yeah. Yeah. So there's never been a time

727
00:44:03,484 --> 00:44:07,988
in the time that we've been together that you've never thought

728
00:44:08,044 --> 00:44:11,940
about cheating or having

729
00:44:11,980 --> 00:44:15,860
an affair with somebody or even closely to

730
00:44:15,900 --> 00:44:17,120
anything like that?

731
00:44:21,100 --> 00:44:24,160
I don't think so. No.

732
00:44:24,590 --> 00:44:25,370
Wow.

733
00:44:28,670 --> 00:44:32,130
No. I mean, let me, let me think about that.

734
00:44:34,110 --> 00:44:37,450
Yeah. I don't know you. Yes.

735
00:44:37,790 --> 00:44:41,094
I mean, I've had, like I said, I've had opportunities. Yeah.

736
00:44:41,142 --> 00:44:44,806
And obviously the thought crosses. Isn't that funny that I could totally

737
00:44:44,838 --> 00:44:48,742
see that. What? Yeah, that, that's a, that's a definitely

738
00:44:48,806 --> 00:44:52,176
yes. Yeah. Yeah. Well, at Least I'm

739
00:44:52,208 --> 00:44:55,712
honest. Yeah. Oh. I'm not. I'm not dogging you for it. Yeah. No.

740
00:44:55,736 --> 00:44:58,960
At least I'm honest. It's. Yeah. I don't. I don't think so.

741
00:44:59,080 --> 00:44:59,980
You know,

742
00:45:02,920 --> 00:45:06,144
I. I have to say, and this is probably going to sound really,

743
00:45:06,232 --> 00:45:09,776
like, snobby, but there hasn't

744
00:45:09,808 --> 00:45:12,960
been anybody good enough to cheat with.

745
00:45:13,080 --> 00:45:16,460
Yeah. So if you find somebody good enough,

746
00:45:17,000 --> 00:45:20,048
you'll consider it? I. No,

747
00:45:20,104 --> 00:45:22,768
but I mean, like, in the beginning. Do you know what I mean? Yeah,

748
00:45:22,784 --> 00:45:26,576
I know. I get you. Like. Yeah. There was never anybody

749
00:45:26,608 --> 00:45:30,656
good enough. Like, if I'm gonna cheat on you, I'm gonna cheat on you.

750
00:45:30,808 --> 00:45:34,060
Like, it would probably be with a woman,

751
00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:37,180
and she would have to be, like,

752
00:45:37,720 --> 00:45:41,420
exceptionally hot and

753
00:45:41,970 --> 00:45:45,418
wealthy. Wealthy, too.

754
00:45:45,474 --> 00:45:48,906
You know what I mean? Wow. And dote on me. Yeah.

755
00:45:49,018 --> 00:45:51,546
Spoil me. I. I love to be spoiled.

756
00:45:51,658 --> 00:45:54,682
Yeah. Yes. Most definitely.

757
00:45:54,826 --> 00:45:57,770
Interesting. Yeah. Yeah.

758
00:45:57,850 --> 00:46:02,138
No. Wow. I mean, I had many chances and

759
00:46:02,194 --> 00:46:05,230
you would not have known. Really? Yes.

760
00:46:05,730 --> 00:46:09,650
To cheat on me. Yes. When? A lot

761
00:46:09,690 --> 00:46:13,042
of times. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. I mean,

762
00:46:13,066 --> 00:46:15,510
I was a bartender. Huh.

763
00:46:16,170 --> 00:46:18,866
Many chances I could have cheated on you with women.

764
00:46:19,018 --> 00:46:22,962
Lots of women. Wow. Yeah. It's just not my style.

765
00:46:23,106 --> 00:46:26,914
Yeah. Yeah. No, but even then, when you were a bartender,

766
00:46:26,962 --> 00:46:30,290
you knew that I was okay with you playing with

767
00:46:30,330 --> 00:46:33,490
whoever you wanted to, as long as I knew. I didn't want to always

768
00:46:33,530 --> 00:46:36,214
tell you, you know? You didn't want to always tell me. You know what I

769
00:46:36,222 --> 00:46:38,502
mean? Like, what if it was a moment and I was like, no, I'm not

770
00:46:38,526 --> 00:46:42,038
gonna tell him. It would have been, like, the whole first time I did that.

771
00:46:42,094 --> 00:46:45,686
You know what I mean? It would be cheating. Yeah. You know,

772
00:46:45,758 --> 00:46:48,770
even if I came home and told you about it.

773
00:46:49,070 --> 00:46:50,770
But even, like, the first year.

774
00:46:51,710 --> 00:46:55,062
Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, I. I used to go

775
00:46:55,086 --> 00:46:58,454
out all the time. Yeah. You know, it's.

776
00:46:58,582 --> 00:47:02,064
Yeah, of course. But I think everybody has a chance

777
00:47:02,112 --> 00:47:05,376
to cheat. Yeah. My God, I lived here in Austin,

778
00:47:05,408 --> 00:47:09,328
and you lived in Corpus. Do you know? I mean, we were poly

779
00:47:09,504 --> 00:47:12,300
when that. But still, that means I would have to tell you.

780
00:47:12,920 --> 00:47:15,840
Yeah. But that's just a matter of communicating. I wouldn't.

781
00:47:15,920 --> 00:47:19,968
I know. If you're maliciously holding back. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm

782
00:47:19,984 --> 00:47:22,960
saying. Like, there's not. I. No, I've had opportunities. No,

783
00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:26,698
I never taken up on them ever. I don't like people

784
00:47:26,754 --> 00:47:27,790
enough, baby.

785
00:47:31,090 --> 00:47:34,506
You know? Huh. It's nice. It's nice

786
00:47:34,538 --> 00:47:37,910
that we're in this lifestyle. Yeah. You can.

787
00:47:38,690 --> 00:47:42,970
You can have any. Anything. And realistically,

788
00:47:43,050 --> 00:47:46,154
even if it's something that you don't want me to have,

789
00:47:46,322 --> 00:47:49,706
we just. If I. If I expressed it, you would probably

790
00:47:49,898 --> 00:47:53,224
talk with me about it and be like, okay, well, yeah, we can do

791
00:47:53,232 --> 00:47:57,112
it once. Yeah. That sort of thing. And. And, you know, you and

792
00:47:57,136 --> 00:48:00,300
I are very forgivable. Yeah. It's.

793
00:48:00,880 --> 00:48:04,888
And look, guys, if. If you guys blast it,

794
00:48:04,944 --> 00:48:08,488
don't blast your business. Oh, man. On social

795
00:48:08,544 --> 00:48:12,520
media, you know, keep it to yourself, because I

796
00:48:12,560 --> 00:48:16,136
understand. We're a community and we're here to help you,

797
00:48:16,208 --> 00:48:18,540
but, you know, the whole.

798
00:48:19,320 --> 00:48:23,072
Blasting them and then getting back with them, which. Good for

799
00:48:23,096 --> 00:48:25,856
you. It's. It's a good thing. But,

800
00:48:26,008 --> 00:48:29,392
you know, my thing is. That's your business. That's your

801
00:48:29,416 --> 00:48:33,280
business. Leave it. Your business. Yeah. You don't have to put your business out

802
00:48:33,320 --> 00:48:36,800
there. No. For everybody to see. No. You don't have

803
00:48:36,840 --> 00:48:40,352
to pull people to the side and say, look, this was what happened to

804
00:48:40,376 --> 00:48:43,200
me. No, you don't have to. Don't bring anybody else.

805
00:48:43,280 --> 00:48:46,862
Don't ever bring anybody else in. And let me tell you something.

806
00:48:47,056 --> 00:48:50,738
The person in this particular situation who brought us

807
00:48:50,794 --> 00:48:54,610
into this drama. Unforgivable. Yeah.

808
00:48:54,690 --> 00:48:56,830
I will never forgive them for it.

809
00:48:57,130 --> 00:49:00,770
And I don't mind saying that the next

810
00:49:00,810 --> 00:49:04,150
time I see that. Yeah. It is unforgivable.

811
00:49:04,570 --> 00:49:08,082
You know, you want to do what you're gonna do between

812
00:49:08,186 --> 00:49:12,034
you and these other adults, that's between y'all. The moment

813
00:49:12,082 --> 00:49:15,464
you start bringing me in your drama, that's unforgivable.

814
00:49:15,562 --> 00:49:18,956
Yeah. And that's. That's where I draw the line. And that's the way

815
00:49:19,028 --> 00:49:22,780
it should be with everybody. Don't bring people in your drama.

816
00:49:22,940 --> 00:49:26,332
Keep it to yourself. You're going to go wreck a marriage. Go do it on

817
00:49:26,356 --> 00:49:29,740
your own and keep quiet about it. Yes. Don't bring other

818
00:49:29,780 --> 00:49:32,800
people involved. Yeah. That's between y'all.

819
00:49:33,300 --> 00:49:36,540
Nobody needs to know. No, no. Don't put your business

820
00:49:36,580 --> 00:49:40,284
out. No. You know, we say that after we put our

821
00:49:40,292 --> 00:49:43,548
business out there. Well, that's. We don't. We don't

822
00:49:43,564 --> 00:49:47,120
have any skeletons in the. No. We're very transparent. Very transpar.

823
00:49:47,840 --> 00:49:51,176
So it's not. I mean, we talk about this now

824
00:49:51,328 --> 00:49:54,824
because we can. Yes. We have that relationship.

825
00:49:54,872 --> 00:49:58,552
Yes. And we chose to not make it

826
00:49:58,656 --> 00:50:02,600
a deal breaker. Yeah. You know, either of us had

827
00:50:02,720 --> 00:50:06,104
the opportunity to do so. Yeah. And we.

828
00:50:06,192 --> 00:50:09,512
We discussed it. We don't hold it.

829
00:50:09,696 --> 00:50:13,230
One rule that Adam and I have is we don't

830
00:50:13,360 --> 00:50:16,834
throw it in each other's face. Like, I Said this was.

831
00:50:16,922 --> 00:50:20,066
This was probably the first time we've ever discussed

832
00:50:20,258 --> 00:50:22,830
either of these things. Yeah. And,

833
00:50:23,290 --> 00:50:26,658
you know, it's. It's. We're healed. Right. You know,

834
00:50:26,714 --> 00:50:30,066
it's like, move on. And if you're gonna,

835
00:50:30,258 --> 00:50:33,826
you know, cheat on each other and

836
00:50:33,898 --> 00:50:37,586
you decide you're gonna stay together, fine.

837
00:50:37,778 --> 00:50:41,804
You know, let that be your business. Let that be your business. You know,

838
00:50:42,002 --> 00:50:44,776
healing in silence is better.

839
00:50:44,928 --> 00:50:48,648
Yeah. You know, we're here for you. And it's

840
00:50:48,664 --> 00:50:51,848
one thing if you have a close friend. Exactly. That you need to talk to.

841
00:50:51,904 --> 00:50:55,432
Exactly. You know, that sort of thing. But don't go telling your business to everybody.

842
00:50:55,496 --> 00:50:59,416
Don't put it on Facebook. Don't do all that. That's just not. It's not beneficial.

843
00:50:59,528 --> 00:51:02,904
No. It doesn't help you, and it doesn't help anybody,

844
00:51:02,952 --> 00:51:07,112
really. No, it's just, you know,

845
00:51:07,216 --> 00:51:10,900
and sometimes you're going to be in person and you're going to see

846
00:51:10,940 --> 00:51:14,580
these people and they might have confrontations with

847
00:51:14,620 --> 00:51:19,028
each other because they're all still in the community. It's none

848
00:51:19,044 --> 00:51:22,692
of your business. Walk away, man. Nobody wants to

849
00:51:22,716 --> 00:51:26,596
be brought into anything. No, man. And it's. Especially me.

850
00:51:26,668 --> 00:51:30,676
Yeah. It's the thing. I mean, I like the Cheeseman.

851
00:51:30,788 --> 00:51:34,244
I love the tea. I am all about the tea. I don't want to

852
00:51:34,252 --> 00:51:37,040
be the tea. You don't want to be the tea? No. You know,

853
00:51:37,960 --> 00:51:41,152
I. I want no part of it. Yeah,

854
00:51:41,296 --> 00:51:44,272
yeah. Yeah. I don't like it. I want no part of it.

855
00:51:44,296 --> 00:51:48,000
Yeah. And if somebody. I do my best to keep away from it. So when

856
00:51:48,040 --> 00:51:51,504
somebody brings it to me. Yeah. You don't. Without. Without giving

857
00:51:51,552 --> 00:51:54,752
me the option. I. I resent that.

858
00:51:54,936 --> 00:51:59,200
You know, that. That's a. That's a good way to. To make

859
00:51:59,240 --> 00:52:02,432
me very upset. Yeah. And I don't get upset. No,

860
00:52:02,456 --> 00:52:05,068
you rarely get upset. So that.

861
00:52:05,124 --> 00:52:07,948
Yeah. That to me, is unforgivable, unfortunately.

862
00:52:08,044 --> 00:52:11,788
Yeah. And you know, you're gonna have it. It's unfortunate. You are.

863
00:52:11,924 --> 00:52:15,276
You are. It's. It's. It's sad. But,

864
00:52:15,348 --> 00:52:19,280
you know, hey, either way, I think everybody just needs to heal,

865
00:52:19,860 --> 00:52:23,356
understand situations, talk it out,

866
00:52:23,428 --> 00:52:27,212
be adults, and don't cheat. Don't cheat. That's what

867
00:52:27,236 --> 00:52:30,902
it comes down to. Do not cheat. If you've taken anything away from

868
00:52:30,926 --> 00:52:34,870
this podcast, the primary is don't

869
00:52:35,030 --> 00:52:37,398
cheat. Don't cheat. Communicate.

870
00:52:37,494 --> 00:52:41,302
Communicate. And if you don't like it, then break up before you decide to go

871
00:52:41,326 --> 00:52:44,630
have that affair. Just do everybody. Agree to disagree. Agree to

872
00:52:44,670 --> 00:52:48,182
disagree. My gosh. Anyways, thank you

873
00:52:48,206 --> 00:52:51,558
guys for joining us. This week. We hope to see you next

874
00:52:51,614 --> 00:52:53,782
week. Yes. Y'all have a good one.