S1 E15 Communicating Through Complexity

1
00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:23,304
This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. We explore

2
00:00:23,352 --> 00:00:27,116
topics surrounding sexuality, intimate relationships, and related

3
00:00:27,188 --> 00:00:30,652
subjects in an open and candid manner. Please be advised that we

4
00:00:30,676 --> 00:00:33,996
are not licensed marriage or sex therapists, and the content

5
00:00:34,068 --> 00:00:37,596
shared here is for entertainment and informational purposes only.

6
00:00:37,748 --> 00:00:41,020
If you are under 18 years of age or prefer not to engage with

7
00:00:41,060 --> 00:00:44,508
discussions about sex, relationships, or mature language,

8
00:00:44,604 --> 00:00:48,492
we strongly recommend that you refrain from listening further. However, if you

9
00:00:48,516 --> 00:00:52,076
are of legal age and comfortable with this content, we invite you to settle

10
00:00:52,108 --> 00:00:55,684
in and enjoy the show. Hello,

11
00:00:55,732 --> 00:00:59,172
and welcome to another episode of Beyond Monogamy. I'm Adam.

12
00:00:59,236 --> 00:01:04,120
And I'm Pris. And today we are talking about communication.

13
00:01:04,700 --> 00:01:07,240
Communications. Oh, yeah.

14
00:01:08,460 --> 00:01:12,532
Yes. Communication. Communication. It's such a big and

15
00:01:12,556 --> 00:01:16,052
pressing issue, and, you know, it's been something that we've been communicating a lot

16
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:19,874
about. That's right. We went there.

17
00:01:20,052 --> 00:01:23,606
We have been communicating a lot about it. Yes. No, realistically,

18
00:01:23,798 --> 00:01:27,798
you're so cute. There is just so much happening

19
00:01:27,894 --> 00:01:31,250
in our world, in our own personal world,

20
00:01:31,870 --> 00:01:35,222
and really it's.

21
00:01:35,286 --> 00:01:39,574
It revolves around communication. Yeah, Everything revolves around communication.

22
00:01:39,622 --> 00:01:42,886
Yes. You know, I can sit back and say it's been 14

23
00:01:42,958 --> 00:01:46,450
years, and I think we're probably at the peak of

24
00:01:46,490 --> 00:01:50,322
our marriage, the peak of our relationship. So then go all

25
00:01:50,346 --> 00:01:53,794
downhill from here. Oh, yeah, yeah. We're going to be over the hill in

26
00:01:53,802 --> 00:01:57,650
a sec. But, you know, things are going very well. And why

27
00:01:57,690 --> 00:02:01,330
are things going so well? Well, you know, when we. We pinpoint it,

28
00:02:01,450 --> 00:02:04,850
it comes back to how we're communicating with each other.

29
00:02:04,970 --> 00:02:08,642
Yes. And really, it all comes down to

30
00:02:08,666 --> 00:02:12,430
that. Yeah. Is how we communicate with each other. And with others. And with

31
00:02:12,470 --> 00:02:15,850
others. Yes. But to me,

32
00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:20,030
you can't communicate with others unless you can safely

33
00:02:20,190 --> 00:02:23,982
communicate with your spouse. Yeah. Your partner has

34
00:02:24,006 --> 00:02:27,406
to. Yeah. You have to be able to. To have a community, have good communication

35
00:02:27,438 --> 00:02:31,250
with your partner. If I. If I can talk to somebody else

36
00:02:32,070 --> 00:02:35,662
deeply and intimately and not be

37
00:02:35,686 --> 00:02:38,650
able to talk to my wife the same way,

38
00:02:39,500 --> 00:02:42,932
I'm with the wrong person. You know what I mean? I will agree.

39
00:02:43,036 --> 00:02:46,880
Yeah. So to me, the foundation is always going to be

40
00:02:47,260 --> 00:02:51,092
the partner that you have, whether it be your

41
00:02:51,116 --> 00:02:56,516
spouse, your play partner, whatever, your primary person that's

42
00:02:56,548 --> 00:02:59,700
going to be your number one communication. That's. That's that. And that's really

43
00:02:59,740 --> 00:03:03,764
where you need to learn everything. Yes. Once you have that solidly

44
00:03:03,812 --> 00:03:07,404
down, then obviously, yes. Communication with

45
00:03:07,492 --> 00:03:10,908
everybody that you deal with, especially people

46
00:03:10,964 --> 00:03:14,268
that you play with, is top notch.

47
00:03:14,364 --> 00:03:17,628
Yeah. Yeah. You know, there's a lot of people that

48
00:03:17,684 --> 00:03:21,564
just don't know how to communicate. I'm realizing that.

49
00:03:21,652 --> 00:03:25,452
And, like, even they think they know how to communicate with each other,

50
00:03:25,556 --> 00:03:28,812
and they don't. Or like. Yeah. God,

51
00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:32,798
there's even some that don't even know how to bring up the conversation of communication.

52
00:03:32,964 --> 00:03:36,090
Yeah. Yeah. You know, there's so many levels to it. It's like an onion.

53
00:03:36,170 --> 00:03:39,070
Yeah. But realistically,

54
00:03:39,570 --> 00:03:42,986
because it ends up going to an argument. It does. And so

55
00:03:43,138 --> 00:03:46,202
a lot of what we learn on how

56
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:49,498
to communicate, we learn from our parents or

57
00:03:49,554 --> 00:03:54,026
our guardians, whoever brought us up, whoever raised us. Yeah. What our environment

58
00:03:54,178 --> 00:03:57,722
was. Yes. That's what we learned on how to communicate.

59
00:03:57,786 --> 00:04:02,040
Yes. If you were lucky enough to be raised

60
00:04:02,460 --> 00:04:05,652
around or with people who knew how to

61
00:04:05,676 --> 00:04:10,084
communicate, then you probably already have a solid foundation

62
00:04:10,132 --> 00:04:13,156
of communication. Yeah. It's very rare.

63
00:04:13,268 --> 00:04:17,620
Yes. The rest of us have

64
00:04:17,660 --> 00:04:21,332
to learn it. Yes. And. And the rest of us learn it a

65
00:04:21,356 --> 00:04:25,552
little slower. And a lot of us don't even know that we have to

66
00:04:25,576 --> 00:04:29,088
learn it. Yes. There's a large amount of people who

67
00:04:29,144 --> 00:04:32,432
just think that the way they do things are

68
00:04:32,456 --> 00:04:36,740
okay without communication, without proper communication.

69
00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:40,832
Do they not care or they just. Yeah. Yeah. They just don't care.

70
00:04:40,936 --> 00:04:43,936
Yeah. They're just like, this is me. I don't want to. This is me.

71
00:04:44,008 --> 00:04:46,896
Yeah. Yeah. I think I was like that for a while. Yeah, you were.

72
00:04:46,968 --> 00:04:50,540
Yeah. Yeah, you were. This is me. Take me or not. Yeah. I think

73
00:04:50,930 --> 00:04:54,010
maybe both of us in the beginning. In the very, very, very. In the very

74
00:04:54,050 --> 00:04:57,162
beginning. Yeah. We were like, this is us. We're not gonna change.

75
00:04:57,266 --> 00:05:00,058
I'm not gonna bend for you. You're not gonna bet for me. Yeah. So that's

76
00:05:00,074 --> 00:05:03,670
it, you know? Yeah. But I think we were looking for reasons to.

77
00:05:04,050 --> 00:05:07,114
To have a whole. And I think that communication.

78
00:05:07,242 --> 00:05:11,962
Yes. And I think the communication really got started

79
00:05:12,066 --> 00:05:14,310
with us was when.

80
00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:21,040
And I was drinking, and I think I got.

81
00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:24,560
I got. We used to get drunk, and I got drunk. I don't know what

82
00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:27,824
you told me, but the next day you're like,

83
00:05:27,912 --> 00:05:31,472
so you drank too much. And this is what happened.

84
00:05:31,536 --> 00:05:34,560
I know exactly what you're talking about. And I was like, cool, all right.

85
00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:38,256
I'm not drinking anymore. And I. We were at. We were at a Hooters.

86
00:05:38,368 --> 00:05:41,920
Oh, okay. For a birthday party. You remember? And.

87
00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:45,734
Oh, I can tell you everything about that. No, no, no, It's. And not

88
00:05:45,742 --> 00:05:48,982
to shame you, but just. Just to. To. To recall what it was,

89
00:05:49,166 --> 00:05:52,950
because that was. That was the reason why. I remember it is not so much

90
00:05:52,990 --> 00:05:56,950
what happened later, but what it started with, because that was the

91
00:05:56,990 --> 00:06:00,598
first time that I really realized I liked watching you

92
00:06:00,654 --> 00:06:04,278
flirt with other men, because we were waiting for.

93
00:06:04,334 --> 00:06:07,526
Yeah, we were waiting for the party to start. We were standing by the bar,

94
00:06:07,598 --> 00:06:10,838
and we were getting a beer, and there was a guy there at the edge

95
00:06:10,854 --> 00:06:13,122
of the bar, and he had his arm there, and he was a kind of

96
00:06:13,146 --> 00:06:16,562
a built arm, and he had a tattoo on his arm. And you were right

97
00:06:16,586 --> 00:06:19,234
next to him, and you were just touching his arm and you were talking and

98
00:06:19,242 --> 00:06:22,642
you were straight up flirting. I don't even remember that.

99
00:06:22,746 --> 00:06:26,722
And I remember sitting back, watching that and being turned on

100
00:06:26,906 --> 00:06:31,378
and thinking, huh, that's not a normal reaction.

101
00:06:31,554 --> 00:06:33,950
And that's something I need to revisit later.

102
00:06:34,650 --> 00:06:37,890
And so. And so that's. So that's why

103
00:06:37,930 --> 00:06:41,764
I remember this exact moment. Okay. But after that, yeah,

104
00:06:41,812 --> 00:06:45,588
we. We had. We had been drinking for a while. We were drinking beers.

105
00:06:45,764 --> 00:06:49,524
We ended up going and joining this party with everybody. It was

106
00:06:49,532 --> 00:06:52,804
somebody's birthday party, and shots started coming up,

107
00:06:52,972 --> 00:06:56,964
and they were. It was like cran apple. Like Washington

108
00:06:57,012 --> 00:07:00,836
apples. Yeah, Washington apple. Something like that. So good. Some weird

109
00:07:00,868 --> 00:07:04,880
ass shot. Yeah. And. And you took them and

110
00:07:05,580 --> 00:07:08,668
you became. I don't

111
00:07:08,684 --> 00:07:11,708
want to say the word, abusive. It wasn't like,

112
00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:17,132
crazy, but you were very emasculating.

113
00:07:17,276 --> 00:07:20,892
You were like, kind of. Really, just kind of like what my

114
00:07:20,916 --> 00:07:24,172
family is. Yes. Just very, very belittling.

115
00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:27,900
If no. One of everybody. My family, all the women in

116
00:07:27,940 --> 00:07:30,988
my family, on both sides of my

117
00:07:31,044 --> 00:07:34,934
family, run, run the roost. They are. Yeah.

118
00:07:35,062 --> 00:07:38,326
They are very alpha. And the men are very quiet. And the men

119
00:07:38,398 --> 00:07:41,942
are. Some of them. Some of them want to say something,

120
00:07:42,126 --> 00:07:45,414
but the women will always overpower. So that

121
00:07:45,502 --> 00:07:48,790
would come out. We first got together. That would come out. I made

122
00:07:48,830 --> 00:07:52,166
that very clear that I don't. I don't work that way,

123
00:07:52,238 --> 00:07:56,130
and I. Don'T work that way. Yeah. And so that came out.

124
00:07:56,430 --> 00:07:59,604
And I remember, I dealt with it.

125
00:07:59,692 --> 00:08:03,188
Yes. We went home. Yes. And I held

126
00:08:03,244 --> 00:08:06,196
it in. Yes. And I put you to bed. And I was like, I'm gonna

127
00:08:06,228 --> 00:08:09,124
talk to her about it tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah.

128
00:08:09,172 --> 00:08:12,164
And I remember that. And. And I remember telling you that. And.

129
00:08:12,332 --> 00:08:15,252
But I didn't get mad at you. I just remember telling you.

130
00:08:15,356 --> 00:08:19,332
Yeah. And you said, I didn't realize that this was such a

131
00:08:19,356 --> 00:08:22,740
problem. That's very embarrassing. I'm not gonna drink anymore.

132
00:08:22,820 --> 00:08:26,222
Yeah. And that was it. And I remember telling you, well, you don't have to

133
00:08:26,246 --> 00:08:29,582
go extreme. It's okay. I said, I'm not mad at you. Yeah. But you were

134
00:08:29,606 --> 00:08:32,782
like, no, that's not cool. And I'm not gonna. I'm not

135
00:08:32,806 --> 00:08:36,478
gonna screw up this. Yeah. I'm not gonna screw up this relationship over

136
00:08:36,534 --> 00:08:40,062
that. I'm gonna get this figured out first. Yeah. And so

137
00:08:40,086 --> 00:08:43,486
you quit. And I was like, wow. And so obviously I wasn't

138
00:08:43,518 --> 00:08:46,382
gonna drink if you weren't drinking. So we both quit. Yeah. We stopped for a

139
00:08:46,406 --> 00:08:49,534
while. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I remember we lost a

140
00:08:49,542 --> 00:08:53,182
lot of friends for a while there because

141
00:08:53,286 --> 00:08:56,718
we didn't drink anymore. We didn't drink anymore. People stop inviting you.

142
00:08:56,774 --> 00:09:00,302
Now, the drinking issue, I. I thought

143
00:09:00,326 --> 00:09:03,422
it was an issue. When we first came onto the scene, we started going to

144
00:09:03,446 --> 00:09:06,782
events. Seems like almost all the events revolve around drinking. Yeah. You say

145
00:09:06,806 --> 00:09:11,150
get embarrassed about that, and. I was very embarrassed about that. So alcohol does

146
00:09:11,190 --> 00:09:14,926
not help in communication. In this case, it did.

147
00:09:15,078 --> 00:09:18,798
Yes. Yes. If you're. If you're a forgiving person. I'm. I'm.

148
00:09:18,894 --> 00:09:22,138
You and I are like that. So when it comes to

149
00:09:22,274 --> 00:09:25,562
things like that, we're really good about communicating what we don't like.

150
00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:29,322
Yeah. And what we like. I am way

151
00:09:29,506 --> 00:09:32,922
better now. At what?

152
00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:36,746
At saying exactly what's on my mind. And that's good

153
00:09:36,898 --> 00:09:40,522
to an extent. It's. It's good. It. You know, it's still something that

154
00:09:40,546 --> 00:09:44,070
I'm trying to get used to coming from you because

155
00:09:45,010 --> 00:09:47,902
you have always been a certain way. Now,

156
00:09:47,926 --> 00:09:51,534
I'm not saying that's. I think it's great the way you're being

157
00:09:51,622 --> 00:09:55,774
now. I think it's great that you're finding your voice. I think it's great that

158
00:09:55,862 --> 00:09:58,730
you feel comfortable enough to be this person.

159
00:09:59,750 --> 00:10:03,662
It just takes me a little bit to get used to, because I've never known

160
00:10:03,766 --> 00:10:07,230
this person. Yeah. And sometimes when you say

161
00:10:07,270 --> 00:10:10,702
things, you don't say it in the nicest of

162
00:10:10,726 --> 00:10:13,966
tones. No. Yeah. And it's because you've never,

163
00:10:14,038 --> 00:10:17,762
ever said it before. So it's almost like a kid learning how

164
00:10:17,786 --> 00:10:20,754
to say things. You don't know how to say things with tact sometimes.

165
00:10:20,802 --> 00:10:24,082
Yeah. And so you just say it,

166
00:10:24,186 --> 00:10:27,330
and you're. I'm proud of you for being able to just say it. Yeah.

167
00:10:27,410 --> 00:10:30,786
Now you need to learn how to. Say even, like, good morning.

168
00:10:30,858 --> 00:10:34,050
You know, you'll come to me and you'll be like, okay, you just said good

169
00:10:34,090 --> 00:10:37,042
morning. Can you not do period?

170
00:10:37,226 --> 00:10:40,802
Oh, yeah. Can you do, like, an exclamation

171
00:10:40,866 --> 00:10:44,436
mark or something? Because it sounds. Feel. Feel a little bit warmer

172
00:10:44,468 --> 00:10:48,132
for me, you know? Yeah. And I'm like, yeah. Okay. Seems so

173
00:10:48,156 --> 00:10:50,420
cold. Like you went out of your way to put a period there, man.

174
00:10:50,460 --> 00:10:54,052
You could have just left nothing. Our kids make fun of us because we use

175
00:10:54,076 --> 00:10:56,560
the correct punctuation, but it's just.

176
00:10:56,860 --> 00:11:00,960
Anyway, that is how we communicate. You guys. Like we are.

177
00:11:01,660 --> 00:11:05,092
We talk about everything. Everything. And you

178
00:11:05,116 --> 00:11:09,310
know, it, it's going to hurt feelings sometimes, you know, there's really no other way

179
00:11:09,350 --> 00:11:12,638
about it. It's gonna hurt feelings and it's gonna

180
00:11:12,654 --> 00:11:15,822
make some upset. It will, it will, you know,

181
00:11:15,846 --> 00:11:19,410
but you, you have to, you have to communicate.

182
00:11:20,390 --> 00:11:24,158
It gets hard if you don't. Now would you say it's

183
00:11:24,174 --> 00:11:28,366
a pick and chew situation? I'm, I'm. I do.

184
00:11:28,518 --> 00:11:31,518
I think so. And I hate to say that, but it really.

185
00:11:31,574 --> 00:11:35,214
Because it is because not everybody takes to it very well.

186
00:11:35,302 --> 00:11:38,960
What if something comes up and you're like, I don't really wanna have

187
00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:42,464
this. Conversation because I know how it's going to turn. I know it's going

188
00:11:42,472 --> 00:11:46,540
to turn out. So I example, I will

189
00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:51,040
hold back sometimes. Not because of

190
00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:54,896
reaction on your part or how I'm going to react to whatever you

191
00:11:54,968 --> 00:11:58,832
say or anything like that. It's because I'm gathering my words.

192
00:11:58,976 --> 00:12:02,816
Oh yeah. I've known that you. So it takes me sometimes.

193
00:12:02,928 --> 00:12:06,406
It'll take me a day or so.

194
00:12:06,558 --> 00:12:10,182
I know. But then I'll forget. Freaking day forget.

195
00:12:10,326 --> 00:12:13,574
I'll forget. Oh no, you never forget. And we don't. And we

196
00:12:13,582 --> 00:12:17,542
don't bring it. No, I mean I still, I still hold.

197
00:12:17,726 --> 00:12:21,014
I've gotten better about it. Yeah. But I do find it.

198
00:12:21,102 --> 00:12:24,502
I know this is about communication, but I do find it.

199
00:12:24,686 --> 00:12:28,694
Where. Eh, I just don't want to talk about it.

200
00:12:28,782 --> 00:12:33,128
The whatever feeling I'm having it and, and see but.

201
00:12:33,264 --> 00:12:37,032
And that wouldn't be so bad except for the fact that you become very non

202
00:12:37,056 --> 00:12:40,008
verbal when you have something in your head.

203
00:12:40,144 --> 00:12:43,832
Yeah. You become processing it. Very non verbal.

204
00:12:43,896 --> 00:12:46,984
And for anybody who listens to our podcast with any regularity,

205
00:12:47,032 --> 00:12:50,184
they know you are not non verbal.

206
00:12:50,232 --> 00:12:53,640
You are very verbal. Yes, you talk just as much as I do.

207
00:12:53,680 --> 00:12:56,688
You. You claim that I'm the talkative one between the two of us. Yeah,

208
00:12:56,784 --> 00:13:00,192
we are both equally talkative. And when

209
00:13:00,216 --> 00:13:03,568
you have something in on your mind, you become very

210
00:13:03,624 --> 00:13:06,688
non verbal most of the time when you have something on your mind, it's something

211
00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:10,016
that I did or something that happened with

212
00:13:10,088 --> 00:13:14,480
me or to me and I know you're replaying the events

213
00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:18,320
or something that was said and it's. And it's just in there

214
00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:22,000
and you're spaced out and you're looking Forward. And you're just kind of doing this

215
00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:25,814
thing. And I know because I've seen it for 14

216
00:13:25,902 --> 00:13:29,526
years, and I know that I did

217
00:13:29,598 --> 00:13:32,998
something and I have to sit there in

218
00:13:33,054 --> 00:13:36,610
writhing agony to wait for you

219
00:13:37,070 --> 00:13:41,094
to process it, figure it out, and decide

220
00:13:41,142 --> 00:13:44,790
whether it's worth even mentioning. Yes. And then

221
00:13:44,910 --> 00:13:48,422
I normally have to go, what did I do?

222
00:13:48,526 --> 00:13:51,862
Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't know what happened, but yeah. What are you.

223
00:13:51,886 --> 00:13:54,822
What are you upset about? And you're like, no, nothing. Everything's fine. Just let it

224
00:13:54,846 --> 00:13:58,118
go. And then I'm like, I. I can't. I need to know what I did,

225
00:13:58,174 --> 00:14:01,862
because if I don't know what I did, I can't be sorry and

226
00:14:01,886 --> 00:14:05,254
I can't fix it. Yeah. And you're. And you've said this to

227
00:14:05,262 --> 00:14:08,486
me and we've done this so many times where you're like,

228
00:14:08,558 --> 00:14:12,182
it's nothing. It's something that. That I felt a certain

229
00:14:12,206 --> 00:14:15,810
way about, and I don't know why I felt this way. And I'm trying to

230
00:14:15,850 --> 00:14:19,106
process it because I know that it's small and it's

231
00:14:19,138 --> 00:14:22,402
nothing worth even talking about. Yes. And so I'm going

232
00:14:22,426 --> 00:14:25,554
to process it and I'm going to let it go. And we don't even have

233
00:14:25,562 --> 00:14:28,430
to talk about it. Yes. And to you.

234
00:14:30,490 --> 00:14:34,370
To you. That's a good idea. That's a great idea. You're welcome.

235
00:14:34,450 --> 00:14:36,738
And that doesn't do it for me. That doesn't do it for me. I can't

236
00:14:36,754 --> 00:14:39,362
do that. What ends up happening? I just come. I just come. And I'm like,

237
00:14:39,386 --> 00:14:43,194
okay. So I processed it. This is what I felt. Do we want to

238
00:14:43,202 --> 00:14:46,714
talk about this? What. What are your thoughts? And I.

239
00:14:46,802 --> 00:14:50,186
I don't like doing that because I know that you

240
00:14:50,258 --> 00:14:53,610
are going to see. Most of the time.

241
00:14:53,650 --> 00:14:57,194
You're like, no, it wasn't like that.

242
00:14:57,282 --> 00:15:00,698
Yeah. And so, like, not that my feelings aren't valid,

243
00:15:00,794 --> 00:15:04,122
but you help me kind of work through them. And sometimes I

244
00:15:04,146 --> 00:15:07,806
leave. And I'm like, okay, yeah, that was cool. And sometimes I disagree.

245
00:15:07,978 --> 00:15:12,070
Yeah. And I'm like, agree to disagree. Agree to disagree.

246
00:15:12,230 --> 00:15:14,850
Nuts. Because you and I are very,

247
00:15:15,470 --> 00:15:19,254
very different. Different? Yeah, like, we're not the same person.

248
00:15:19,342 --> 00:15:22,598
I am. We're not the same person. No, we are not the same person.

249
00:15:22,654 --> 00:15:26,182
So our communication to each other, there's a lot

250
00:15:26,206 --> 00:15:30,918
of communication, but it's very different. It is a pick

251
00:15:30,974 --> 00:15:34,310
and choose. Yeah. And how we communicate with

252
00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:37,770
each other is different. Yes. Because,

253
00:15:39,110 --> 00:15:41,850
you know, we. I think we were just talking the other day about,

254
00:15:42,710 --> 00:15:45,998
you know, I get Very passionate. Sometimes when I talk about certain things,

255
00:15:46,054 --> 00:15:49,310
I get. I get a little heated. Yes. And I.

256
00:15:49,430 --> 00:15:52,446
I tend to it when that happens. I.

257
00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:56,222
I will talk at you. Yes. And I don't realize that I'm not

258
00:15:56,246 --> 00:15:59,370
talking to you. I'm talking at you. Yeah. And.

259
00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:03,374
But you didn't know that those were the words. No, we were having a

260
00:16:03,382 --> 00:16:07,306
conversation. So we. When we drive to work, we're talking on the phone,

261
00:16:07,338 --> 00:16:11,230
even though we're following each other and we're talking on the phone.

262
00:16:11,890 --> 00:16:14,842
So we were having that conversation because we were talking about something and I was

263
00:16:14,866 --> 00:16:17,914
like, you. Oh, I was talking to you, and I was getting very passionate.

264
00:16:17,962 --> 00:16:21,594
You're like, you're talking at me. You're not talking to me.

265
00:16:21,762 --> 00:16:24,122
And then I was like, okay. And then we finished. And I was like,

266
00:16:24,146 --> 00:16:27,274
wait, can we go back real quick? Because you said something, and I want to

267
00:16:27,282 --> 00:16:31,002
make sure I get it right. Yeah. And so we started analyzing

268
00:16:31,066 --> 00:16:34,664
that. And she said. And that's when we started talking about how

269
00:16:34,752 --> 00:16:38,200
I talk to her when I'm getting passionate.

270
00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:41,800
And she said, that's. That's. That's what it is. You're talking at

271
00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:45,352
me. You're not talking. Yeah. And it. It does one or two things to me.

272
00:16:45,536 --> 00:16:49,160
Yeah. It's either going to shut me down. Or it's going to set you off.

273
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:52,840
Or it's going to set me off. Now, it's very rare that it sets me

274
00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:56,776
off, but it's happened. I'm old as

275
00:16:56,928 --> 00:17:00,104
right now, and my hormones just don't

276
00:17:00,232 --> 00:17:03,832
do what my brain. Nothing is the same. And so

277
00:17:03,936 --> 00:17:07,256
I am very not reactive. I'm just very like,

278
00:17:07,328 --> 00:17:10,472
okay, let's just do this, you know,

279
00:17:10,496 --> 00:17:13,144
kind of get it out of the system type of thing. If we. If it

280
00:17:13,152 --> 00:17:16,456
gets passionate, it gets passionate. But it is a very rare

281
00:17:16,488 --> 00:17:19,528
thing. But we. It's rare that you and I get into it. Like,

282
00:17:19,584 --> 00:17:23,496
oh, my God. Just period. I was just telling somebody like that. I was like,

283
00:17:23,568 --> 00:17:26,933
we've been together 14 years, and maybe we've gotten,

284
00:17:26,981 --> 00:17:30,261
like, extremely passionate five times.

285
00:17:30,365 --> 00:17:34,209
Yeah. Yeah. It's very rare. Like, it's. And maybe out of those five,

286
00:17:34,589 --> 00:17:37,849
three were because of our brats.

287
00:17:39,229 --> 00:17:42,597
Well, you know, so I'm. I'm very stubborn. And you're not.

288
00:17:42,733 --> 00:17:45,733
Right. I mean, you're. You have. You have moments of stubborn, but between the two

289
00:17:45,741 --> 00:17:49,253
of us, not with you. I am very stubborn. Come. And you. You can be

290
00:17:49,261 --> 00:17:53,221
stubborn with me, but. Yeah, but between the two of us, I am definitely

291
00:17:53,285 --> 00:17:58,028
more stubborn. Yes. But I am also the

292
00:17:58,084 --> 00:18:01,692
type of person that if you can convince me, if you can give

293
00:18:01,716 --> 00:18:05,360
me a valid argument, clear and concise,

294
00:18:06,180 --> 00:18:09,340
you can find your words and you can absolutely convince me and

295
00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:11,964
I can't argue with anything that you've got to say.

296
00:18:12,052 --> 00:18:15,244
Yeah. Then you got me. Yeah,

297
00:18:15,292 --> 00:18:18,748
absolutely. And. And I won't question it at all after

298
00:18:18,804 --> 00:18:22,850
that. The problem is with that

299
00:18:23,150 --> 00:18:25,130
is I'm really good at arguing.

300
00:18:26,030 --> 00:18:29,730
Yeah, I'm really good at arguing. I'm good at.

301
00:18:30,270 --> 00:18:34,006
You are the person being able to. Point out different perceptions.

302
00:18:34,118 --> 00:18:38,390
You are the. So for me, I've always said

303
00:18:38,510 --> 00:18:41,010
you're the person that always wants to be right.

304
00:18:41,790 --> 00:18:45,558
And you'll make it a point to make sure you have

305
00:18:45,614 --> 00:18:49,404
all the facts and know. Yeah,

306
00:18:49,532 --> 00:18:52,572
I'm right. I mean, to me, that's the only way to really argue.

307
00:18:52,636 --> 00:18:56,172
Yeah. If I'm gonna. But you're not like that with me. Well,

308
00:18:56,196 --> 00:18:59,084
no, no, you're not with other people, but with me.

309
00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:02,604
Yeah. No, you're not like that. No, no. I think maybe in

310
00:19:02,612 --> 00:19:05,564
the beginning you were, but I'm not.

311
00:19:05,652 --> 00:19:08,892
I love. I'm not that submissive. You know what I mean? Like,

312
00:19:08,996 --> 00:19:12,684
I have a voice. Right. And. But you've

313
00:19:12,732 --> 00:19:16,018
always also been. The more you are. You're a great

314
00:19:16,074 --> 00:19:19,538
arg. Like, you can argue your way, like, I don't know why we're

315
00:19:19,554 --> 00:19:22,738
not living rich and you're not an attorney, but. Oh,

316
00:19:22,754 --> 00:19:26,002
wait, no, you can definitely argue your way out of

317
00:19:26,026 --> 00:19:29,634
it, whether it's or not. You can, you know.

318
00:19:29,802 --> 00:19:33,106
Yeah, I am. I am able to my toes in that way.

319
00:19:33,258 --> 00:19:36,978
And because of that, you know, you have to admit, and you've met. You've mentioned

320
00:19:36,994 --> 00:19:41,180
this before, when it comes to debating

321
00:19:41,260 --> 00:19:45,388
or arguing with somebody else, you are able to

322
00:19:45,524 --> 00:19:49,564
spit out fast arguments. You're able to spit out fast rebuttals

323
00:19:49,612 --> 00:19:53,404
to arguments. You're able to do all sorts of stuff because

324
00:19:53,572 --> 00:19:57,516
you have been arguing with me for the past 14 years.

325
00:19:57,588 --> 00:20:01,340
I am great at it. And I. You have had to. Been able to keep

326
00:20:01,380 --> 00:20:04,828
up with me and you haven't been for the several. For several

327
00:20:04,884 --> 00:20:08,076
years. And then you started getting better and you were starting to. And now you

328
00:20:08,148 --> 00:20:11,686
hold your own with me. Yeah. And we can go back and forth.

329
00:20:11,798 --> 00:20:15,462
Yeah. And you, you know, you just, like the kids know you have to be

330
00:20:15,486 --> 00:20:18,982
quick. Yeah. When you're talking to me. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah.

331
00:20:19,046 --> 00:20:22,390
And you're pretty fast. You're pretty quick. I am now. Yeah.

332
00:20:22,470 --> 00:20:25,942
Yeah. Yeah. And so are the kids. Yeah. Oh. Oh, man.

333
00:20:25,966 --> 00:20:29,430
Our kids are fast. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But it all comes down to that,

334
00:20:29,470 --> 00:20:32,646
that communication. Yes. Yeah. It's like,

335
00:20:32,798 --> 00:20:36,496
figure it out, man. About to get all this information.

336
00:20:36,648 --> 00:20:40,080
Yeah, yeah. No, yeah. So, you know, realistically, the,

337
00:20:40,120 --> 00:20:43,248
the, the foundation of it all is the primary communication between

338
00:20:43,304 --> 00:20:46,944
you and your. And your partner. The secondary amount.

339
00:20:46,992 --> 00:20:50,272
And I, I say secondary, but really it's just as equal

340
00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:53,744
is as far as importance is communicating

341
00:20:53,792 --> 00:20:57,232
with those that you play with and just as much as communicating

342
00:20:57,296 --> 00:21:00,144
with your friends. And, you know,

343
00:21:00,232 --> 00:21:03,574
you said that with the ones that you play with. I feel

344
00:21:03,662 --> 00:21:06,566
like, you know how people play separately.

345
00:21:06,678 --> 00:21:10,406
Yes. I feel like if you're, if y'all

346
00:21:10,438 --> 00:21:13,750
play separately, your partner should

347
00:21:13,790 --> 00:21:17,650
be okay with you. You, the person who's not playing

348
00:21:18,270 --> 00:21:21,494
to communicate with the person that's

349
00:21:21,542 --> 00:21:25,062
playing with your partner. For instance, if you and I were to

350
00:21:25,086 --> 00:21:29,040
play separately and you were to play

351
00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:32,416
with somebody. Right. You've already talked

352
00:21:32,448 --> 00:21:35,664
to them. Whatever you tell me, hey, I want to play with this person.

353
00:21:35,832 --> 00:21:38,848
We can set it up this time. So you cool?

354
00:21:39,024 --> 00:21:42,096
I am. I feel more comfortable. And you,

355
00:21:42,168 --> 00:21:45,184
you actually tell me, can you go ahead and reach out and say hi or

356
00:21:45,192 --> 00:21:48,496
whatever. Yeah. I feel like that is something

357
00:21:48,568 --> 00:21:52,096
that a lot of people in LS do not do.

358
00:21:52,248 --> 00:21:55,362
Like, no, you can't contact her. The moment that I get

359
00:21:55,386 --> 00:21:59,250
a no, I can't contact her. I would be so

360
00:21:59,290 --> 00:22:03,042
offended. Really. I would be utterly offended.

361
00:22:03,106 --> 00:22:06,178
I'd be like, well, I mean, that's a red flag right there.

362
00:22:06,314 --> 00:22:09,110
Yes. Realistically. Yeah.

363
00:22:10,090 --> 00:22:13,186
Now I know that that doesn't apply to everybody,

364
00:22:13,218 --> 00:22:16,898
though. There are some relationships that. It. That. That's not a thing.

365
00:22:16,954 --> 00:22:20,698
That is true. That's not a thing. Yeah. Now, while you.

366
00:22:20,754 --> 00:22:23,882
And that's something that I. I was trying to explain to you one

367
00:22:23,906 --> 00:22:27,386
time was certain things you look at as

368
00:22:27,458 --> 00:22:31,194
disrespectful. Yes. It's not always

369
00:22:31,282 --> 00:22:34,870
intended to be disrespectful. And I, And I agree with you

370
00:22:35,650 --> 00:22:39,114
because people have different dynamics. Right. And.

371
00:22:39,202 --> 00:22:42,394
And so the, the thought process is not the same. Really.

372
00:22:42,482 --> 00:22:46,228
There. Yeah. You know, and in what. What you feel

373
00:22:46,284 --> 00:22:49,876
is a certain thing is not what everybody feels is a certain thing.

374
00:22:50,028 --> 00:22:54,084
Now, it's kind of universal sometimes

375
00:22:54,212 --> 00:22:56,788
with respect to certain things.

376
00:22:56,924 --> 00:23:01,268
Right. But for the most part, not, not everything applies,

377
00:23:01,444 --> 00:23:05,220
you know. Yeah. Yeah. But like for us,

378
00:23:05,340 --> 00:23:08,244
we're very open communicated, like, like that.

379
00:23:08,332 --> 00:23:12,228
Right. That. That's my comfortable zone.

380
00:23:12,324 --> 00:23:15,812
So. So if I, if I'm willing, if I can talk to the

381
00:23:15,836 --> 00:23:19,860
person, communicate with the person we or

382
00:23:19,900 --> 00:23:23,924
you are going to play with, it makes. It's very peaceful for me.

383
00:23:24,092 --> 00:23:28,340
And so far it's Been taken. Very good.

384
00:23:28,460 --> 00:23:31,960
And, you know, I will say at the very beginning,

385
00:23:32,540 --> 00:23:36,004
when we first kind of floated this idea. And it's been a while,

386
00:23:36,172 --> 00:23:39,620
because you floated this idea a while back. It wasn't until recently that we

387
00:23:39,660 --> 00:23:43,128
really started adapting to it, though. But I know that

388
00:23:43,184 --> 00:23:47,480
it always kind of made me uncomfortable, just in the fact that I

389
00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:50,872
know that some people would be uncomfortable with it. And then I had

390
00:23:50,896 --> 00:23:54,552
the thought process one day, which was, why would anybody be

391
00:23:54,576 --> 00:23:58,376
uncomfortable with that? Yeah. We're in this lifestyle,

392
00:23:58,568 --> 00:24:02,104
and it's different. Different strokes for different folks, different.

393
00:24:02,192 --> 00:24:05,512
Different angles for different couples. Everybody's got their own thing.

394
00:24:05,616 --> 00:24:08,828
Yeah. And if we're all in this for

395
00:24:08,884 --> 00:24:12,332
the sexual aspect of it, then we're gonna respect

396
00:24:12,436 --> 00:24:15,964
everybody else's rules and boundaries,

397
00:24:16,012 --> 00:24:19,436
for sure. You know? And so I shouldn't feel

398
00:24:19,588 --> 00:24:23,084
so weird about saying, hey, do me a favor.

399
00:24:23,212 --> 00:24:26,524
If you want to sleep with me, would you mind shooting a message to

400
00:24:26,532 --> 00:24:29,772
my wife? She would really appreciate that, and it will go well.

401
00:24:29,876 --> 00:24:33,850
Yes. You know, I think you've done that before. I have recently,

402
00:24:33,970 --> 00:24:37,450
but. But it's only been recently that I felt

403
00:24:37,530 --> 00:24:40,778
comfortable doing so, because previous to that,

404
00:24:40,914 --> 00:24:44,426
I didn't. Yeah. And I was. I was very

405
00:24:44,498 --> 00:24:48,074
like, you know, this is uncomfortable. I'd rather just not do it

406
00:24:48,082 --> 00:24:51,258
at all. Right. You know. Right. And I missed opportunities, I'm sure,

407
00:24:51,314 --> 00:24:54,906
because I just said, nah, this is not worth the hassle. Yeah. And now I'm

408
00:24:54,938 --> 00:24:58,298
realizing. I don't know why I felt such shame about that,

409
00:24:58,354 --> 00:25:02,204
such weirdness about it, because we're in this lifestyle,

410
00:25:02,332 --> 00:25:05,900
and this is what it is, and we. You know, I know

411
00:25:05,940 --> 00:25:09,900
that if somebody contacted me and told

412
00:25:09,940 --> 00:25:13,068
me straight up, I'd be like, hey, man. Yeah.

413
00:25:13,164 --> 00:25:16,668
Yeah. Right. Do you ever get that. Do you ever get a woman

414
00:25:16,724 --> 00:25:20,460
that tells you, hey, can you contact my husband just

415
00:25:20,500 --> 00:25:24,076
so he can, like, I don't know, get to know you? It's been a very

416
00:25:24,148 --> 00:25:27,520
long time. Yeah. When we first got into these grooves,

417
00:25:28,270 --> 00:25:31,814
I was. I had seen that a couple of times

418
00:25:31,902 --> 00:25:35,302
from a few different people, and that seemed to be, like, a prominent rule for

419
00:25:35,326 --> 00:25:38,742
a lot of people was, if you want to set up

420
00:25:38,766 --> 00:25:41,450
something with me, please reach out to my spouse.

421
00:25:43,230 --> 00:25:47,930
And I always. I don't know, I always felt it was weird

422
00:25:48,350 --> 00:25:51,718
at the time. Like, it just. I don't know.

423
00:25:51,774 --> 00:25:54,632
It felt so transactional. I didn't care for it.

424
00:25:54,726 --> 00:25:58,772
Mm. Because it's the woman I want to talk to.

425
00:25:58,956 --> 00:26:02,084
It's the woman that I want to have sex with. So I don't want to

426
00:26:02,092 --> 00:26:05,764
talk to the husband. So by that time, once I

427
00:26:05,772 --> 00:26:08,500
would see that, I'd be like, okay, sure. And then just walk away from it.

428
00:26:08,540 --> 00:26:11,972
Leave me. You know what I mean? Like, I'm good. That's too much of

429
00:26:11,996 --> 00:26:16,100
a hassle for me now. It's different. I would

430
00:26:16,140 --> 00:26:19,716
absolutely do that if I was told that if I felt somebody

431
00:26:19,748 --> 00:26:24,270
was worth it. Understand that I don't really have the greatest social anxiety

432
00:26:24,350 --> 00:26:27,918
skills. Like, I still have social anxiety. And if somebody tells

433
00:26:27,934 --> 00:26:31,054
me, hey, would you mind reaching out to my husband? I would.

434
00:26:31,142 --> 00:26:34,814
I would really sit and contemplate it for a while before I actually decide.

435
00:26:34,862 --> 00:26:38,174
Yes or no. Yeah. And there would still be a good chance it could be

436
00:26:38,182 --> 00:26:41,326
a no. Right. And probably walk away from it, but.

437
00:26:41,398 --> 00:26:44,334
And it has nothing to do with actually talking to the husband except for the

438
00:26:44,342 --> 00:26:46,782
fact that I just don't want to talk to anybody. Yeah. You know, I want

439
00:26:46,806 --> 00:26:50,262
to connect with the woman because I am

440
00:26:50,286 --> 00:26:53,750
not transactional. I want a good connection.

441
00:26:53,830 --> 00:26:57,398
I want to like them before I even get into

442
00:26:57,454 --> 00:27:00,810
it, you know? Yeah. And so that's.

443
00:27:01,310 --> 00:27:05,222
That's really where I used to get it early on. I don't.

444
00:27:05,366 --> 00:27:08,934
I haven't had that for a while. Like, a long while.

445
00:27:09,022 --> 00:27:12,370
Yeah. I mean, for me, I. I'm very.

446
00:27:12,750 --> 00:27:16,696
I like it because I want to, I don't know, read vibes

447
00:27:16,728 --> 00:27:20,580
anyway. Yeah. So if they're messaging me,

448
00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:24,520
I'm just. I'm looking. I'm looking into

449
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:27,672
it, you know? Yeah. Just to see.

450
00:27:27,856 --> 00:27:31,176
I'm. I'm just that person. Reading vibes.

451
00:27:31,288 --> 00:27:34,600
Reading vibes via text. Via text.

452
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:38,152
See, that's the tough part. You can read vibes via text. You can

453
00:27:38,176 --> 00:27:41,714
read vibes off anything. Just don't know. That's like

454
00:27:41,802 --> 00:27:45,362
you just said on the last show that you

455
00:27:45,386 --> 00:27:49,250
can tell by having a conversation with somebody how they're.

456
00:27:49,410 --> 00:27:52,498
If they're gonna, like. If they're gonna be sensual or how they want to have

457
00:27:52,554 --> 00:27:56,418
sex. Right. Yes, Same thing.

458
00:27:56,554 --> 00:27:59,698
Okay. Vibes. Vibes. I'm gonna

459
00:27:59,714 --> 00:28:03,218
know if I like this person. Yeah. Yeah. And if I like this person.

460
00:28:03,274 --> 00:28:06,986
Okay, well, then, sure. Now, have you ever been fooled?

461
00:28:07,138 --> 00:28:10,810
Like, have you ever gotten good vibes or what you thought were good

462
00:28:10,850 --> 00:28:13,674
vibes and then it turned out no, you were wrong. No,

463
00:28:13,842 --> 00:28:17,258
never. Never. I mean, honestly, I. I've never

464
00:28:17,314 --> 00:28:20,826
seen it, but I. I sure there was something.

465
00:28:20,898 --> 00:28:24,522
I mean, you were married. I'm the third husband, so obviously

466
00:28:24,666 --> 00:28:27,910
that can't be true. Yeah. No. Oh, I knew what I got.

467
00:28:28,690 --> 00:28:32,218
You gotta understand. I knew what I had. Oh, my goodness. But I was okay.

468
00:28:32,234 --> 00:28:36,682
With that? Yeah. No, never really.

469
00:28:36,786 --> 00:28:40,750
I do get to a point where I can't.

470
00:28:41,170 --> 00:28:44,554
There's something. There's a gut feeling.

471
00:28:44,602 --> 00:28:48,026
There's something, but it's not so harsh

472
00:28:48,138 --> 00:28:51,990
as I don't know what it is. Yeah. And I'm like.

473
00:28:52,450 --> 00:28:56,330
And sometimes I can tell you that or something,

474
00:28:56,450 --> 00:29:00,122
and sometimes I can't, and. That'S the hardest thing. So that's a good communication thing

475
00:29:00,146 --> 00:29:04,050
right there. I. I don't tell you because I

476
00:29:04,090 --> 00:29:07,710
don't want you to make a decision

477
00:29:08,010 --> 00:29:11,314
on what I'm feeling if I don't know what

478
00:29:11,322 --> 00:29:13,522
it is. And you know, I always do. And you will.

479
00:29:13,626 --> 00:29:17,570
Absolutely. You're sweet. And you still tell

480
00:29:17,610 --> 00:29:20,786
me. No, no, no, no, no, no.

481
00:29:20,858 --> 00:29:24,802
Let's. Let's still. It's nothing. Or you'll. Or you'll

482
00:29:24,866 --> 00:29:27,970
say, oh, it's because of this or because. Well, let me tell you something.

483
00:29:28,010 --> 00:29:31,872
You know, I am a big believer in second chances. I'm a big believer in

484
00:29:31,896 --> 00:29:34,700
third chances. How do those come out for you most times?

485
00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:39,008
Well, it depends on who you're talking about. Just anybody. Just say somebody.

486
00:29:39,104 --> 00:29:42,352
Me? Yeah, me. Yeah. I wasn't the

487
00:29:42,376 --> 00:29:46,500
greatest person growing up, and I wasn't the greatest person in my 20s.

488
00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:50,640
I wasn't the greatest person throughout my life. I was

489
00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:54,608
given another opportunity. I was

490
00:29:54,664 --> 00:29:58,672
able to make changes to myself. And you

491
00:29:58,696 --> 00:30:02,384
weren't a bad person? Oh, it depends on who you talk to. You know

492
00:30:02,392 --> 00:30:05,600
what I mean? You were not a bad person. Nonetheless. Nonetheless.

493
00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:09,216
But you just wanted to be a better person. I needed to be a better

494
00:30:09,288 --> 00:30:13,696
person. And I am a big believer that I am

495
00:30:13,768 --> 00:30:17,648
proof that second chances come to fruition. Like, people can

496
00:30:17,704 --> 00:30:20,432
change. People can change.

497
00:30:20,616 --> 00:30:24,380
I think that if somebody screws up,

498
00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:28,592
you can. The right person can recognize

499
00:30:28,656 --> 00:30:31,696
that fact, realize their priority,

500
00:30:31,728 --> 00:30:35,260
and go, this. I'm never letting that happen again.

501
00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:40,768
Sometimes it takes a jarring situation for you to realize what

502
00:30:40,824 --> 00:30:44,320
you have and go, I'm never letting this happen again.

503
00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:47,340
Right. It's like that whole mentality of, you know,

504
00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:51,056
living dangerously and then almost losing

505
00:30:51,088 --> 00:30:54,750
your life and then going, I'm. I'm going to go on a diet. Life is

506
00:30:54,790 --> 00:30:58,270
worth living. You know what I mean? It's that same mentality you have

507
00:30:58,310 --> 00:31:01,850
that jarring situation that kind of opens your eyes and you go,

508
00:31:02,710 --> 00:31:06,270
I'm not ever letting this happen. You know, And.

509
00:31:06,310 --> 00:31:09,742
And you value what you have. I think

510
00:31:09,926 --> 00:31:13,890
communication is so valid

511
00:31:14,390 --> 00:31:18,068
for every aspect of, of of your life.

512
00:31:18,254 --> 00:31:22,184
And it's not just lifestyle. It's not just at

513
00:31:22,272 --> 00:31:25,704
home. Yeah. It's at work. Everything with your friends, everything.

514
00:31:25,872 --> 00:31:29,480
The better you know how to communicate, the better

515
00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:32,728
it will be for you. Yeah, I learned early

516
00:31:32,784 --> 00:31:35,380
on that people don't like full, honest people.

517
00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:39,336
There's a lot of people who have issues with you being

518
00:31:39,408 --> 00:31:43,320
fully honest and open with them and blunt

519
00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:47,410
and blunt with them. And it's usually those people that

520
00:31:48,030 --> 00:31:51,590
they don't care for, people who are honest. Those are

521
00:31:51,630 --> 00:31:55,254
normally the people that you don't want really around you because

522
00:31:55,342 --> 00:31:58,454
they. If they can't take honesty, then they're

523
00:31:58,502 --> 00:32:01,654
probably gonna lie to you at some point. You know what I mean? Right?

524
00:32:01,742 --> 00:32:05,446
Yeah. Normally the people that I am attracted

525
00:32:05,478 --> 00:32:09,206
to or I am drawn to are very

526
00:32:09,278 --> 00:32:13,478
open, honest, genuine persons that remind

527
00:32:13,574 --> 00:32:16,854
me of us. And those are normally the people that

528
00:32:16,862 --> 00:32:20,598
I'm drawn to because I know that they're gonna

529
00:32:20,614 --> 00:32:24,230
be honest. But how do you know that if you haven't spoken to them too

530
00:32:24,270 --> 00:32:27,222
often? Well, you don't. You don't know that until you spend time and you.

531
00:32:27,246 --> 00:32:31,490
And you talk to them and you. And you do that you can't really know.

532
00:32:31,870 --> 00:32:35,558
And so that's where you and I differ. As you see things

533
00:32:35,614 --> 00:32:39,322
more on the cynical side. I see things more on the positive

534
00:32:39,386 --> 00:32:42,538
end of it. When it comes to people, you're like,

535
00:32:42,674 --> 00:32:45,690
no, you know, I see all these red flags. I see this.

536
00:32:45,730 --> 00:32:49,418
I see that, which is good. It's a great balance for me because

537
00:32:49,474 --> 00:32:53,146
I'm the opposite. And I'm like, man, you know, this person's really a special person.

538
00:32:53,218 --> 00:32:56,650
And I. And. And we see where it

539
00:32:56,690 --> 00:32:59,870
ends up. And. And sometimes we meet in the middle.

540
00:33:00,290 --> 00:33:03,642
Sometimes we meet in the middle. Yeah. Sometimes there's somebody that

541
00:33:03,666 --> 00:33:07,096
we, you know, you don't really care for. And I think is. Is.

542
00:33:07,168 --> 00:33:11,096
I think you're wrong about and you agree to

543
00:33:11,168 --> 00:33:14,456
give it some time. Yeah, Sometimes I'm

544
00:33:14,488 --> 00:33:17,944
right, sometimes I'm not. Yeah. This is not a

545
00:33:17,952 --> 00:33:22,860
right or wrong. And realistically. And you've always been wonderful about not gloating

546
00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:26,760
when you've been right. No, you've never thrown it in my

547
00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:29,960
face. You've never gone, wow, you remember what I said about the last

548
00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:33,464
one? That one came true. Like, you never did that, especially when we were dating

549
00:33:33,512 --> 00:33:36,826
other people and stuff like that. Like, you were never ugly about

550
00:33:36,898 --> 00:33:40,710
that, and I always appreciated that. But, you know, it was.

551
00:33:41,250 --> 00:33:44,890
Those were some hard times because I didn't

552
00:33:44,970 --> 00:33:48,538
know. I thought I was communicating very well when we were

553
00:33:48,594 --> 00:33:51,706
poly. Yeah, I thought we were communicating well.

554
00:33:51,778 --> 00:33:55,550
Yeah. And then I saw more changes,

555
00:33:56,290 --> 00:33:59,754
and it made me go inside myself. It made me

556
00:33:59,762 --> 00:34:03,534
want to Stop communicating. Yeah. Because I'm like, well, she's not talking.

557
00:34:03,582 --> 00:34:06,878
What the hell am I talking for? Yeah. You know. Yeah. And,

558
00:34:06,934 --> 00:34:10,430
man, I think there was a time where we just shut down.

559
00:34:10,550 --> 00:34:14,126
Yeah. It was like a week. We just shut down. We didn't

560
00:34:14,158 --> 00:34:17,326
hardly talk at all. We were like walking roommates.

561
00:34:17,358 --> 00:34:21,102
I can't even imagine that. Isn't that nuts? Yeah, that's crazy.

562
00:34:21,166 --> 00:34:25,502
Yeah. That was a very, very strange time. Very surreal.

563
00:34:25,566 --> 00:34:28,680
And all it took was one sentence.

564
00:34:29,100 --> 00:34:32,020
Yeah. To change the entire. Yes.

565
00:34:32,100 --> 00:34:35,600
Situation. Yeah. And. And that

566
00:34:35,900 --> 00:34:40,308
really kind of changed your view on. On communication

567
00:34:40,404 --> 00:34:44,724
and. And basically changed your ideals on. On being vocal.

568
00:34:44,852 --> 00:34:48,884
Yes. Correct. Yeah. Because previous to that, you held in a lot.

569
00:34:49,052 --> 00:34:52,057
Yeah, I'm. Don't stir the pot.

570
00:34:52,243 --> 00:34:55,853
Yeah. I'm a. I'm. I'm very with you.

571
00:34:55,941 --> 00:34:59,805
I'm very submissive. Sure. I just don't.

572
00:34:59,917 --> 00:35:03,901
I don't want to get you angry. You're not even an. An aggressive,

573
00:35:03,965 --> 00:35:06,989
angry person. People have heard you on here.

574
00:35:07,109 --> 00:35:09,885
Passionate. That's what I mean. Yeah.

575
00:35:09,997 --> 00:35:13,293
Yeah. Because it's going to do one or two things like you said. They're going

576
00:35:13,301 --> 00:35:16,317
to just make me go into submission and just be like, whatever you say.

577
00:35:16,453 --> 00:35:19,958
Okay. I'm very passive. Right. Or it's

578
00:35:19,974 --> 00:35:23,718
gonna send me the other way where it's like. Yeah.

579
00:35:23,814 --> 00:35:26,870
Really? And then it's gonna explode. Yeah. And it just explodes.

580
00:35:27,030 --> 00:35:30,330
So, yeah, it's. It's a weird situation.

581
00:35:30,750 --> 00:35:34,102
You know, I'm. I'm very much in this phase of my

582
00:35:34,126 --> 00:35:37,478
life where I'm just trying to be happy.

583
00:35:37,654 --> 00:35:41,766
Yeah. I think a good portion of my 30s, I felt

584
00:35:41,798 --> 00:35:45,170
like I was very. I was trying to be.

585
00:35:45,740 --> 00:35:49,140
I was trying to be something. You know what I mean? I was

586
00:35:49,180 --> 00:35:51,748
trying to. I was a round peg trying to fit in a square hole.

587
00:35:51,844 --> 00:35:55,796
Yes. And I was trying to find my footing. You know, we were together

588
00:35:55,868 --> 00:35:59,124
throughout my entire 30s. Yeah. Trying to figure out a

589
00:35:59,132 --> 00:36:02,452
little machismon. A little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Every now and then, you know,

590
00:36:02,476 --> 00:36:04,772
I. Mean, not all the time, but a. Little bit every now and then it

591
00:36:04,796 --> 00:36:07,908
would come out. Yeah. I was really trying to find

592
00:36:07,964 --> 00:36:11,444
out who the hell I was. Yeah. And I knew about

593
00:36:11,532 --> 00:36:14,402
50% of what I was, but the rest of it, I just didn't know.

594
00:36:14,436 --> 00:36:18,134
No. No. And. Wow. That's. I mean, it took a lot.

595
00:36:18,222 --> 00:36:21,910
It took a lot to get through all of that. So you went through

596
00:36:21,950 --> 00:36:24,850
your menopause and that was. That was a thing.

597
00:36:25,150 --> 00:36:28,422
But I went through. I guess you could consider it almost a

598
00:36:28,446 --> 00:36:31,990
midlife crisis. Yeah. Yeah. Where I just. My 30s,

599
00:36:32,070 --> 00:36:35,462
man. I just was trying to figure out where I fit. Yeah. Now I'm in

600
00:36:35,486 --> 00:36:39,014
my 40s, and I gotta say, I'm living

601
00:36:39,062 --> 00:36:42,900
it up. Yeah. Yes. I'm. This is my happy phase. Yeah.

602
00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:46,976
I feel like I've mastered a lot of good things, and I'm constantly

603
00:36:47,008 --> 00:36:50,608
trying to get better at different parts

604
00:36:50,624 --> 00:36:55,500
of life. I'm really not

605
00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:59,808
feeling any shame about loving as much as I do. Trying to help

606
00:36:59,864 --> 00:37:03,440
people, trying to be there for people. It's who

607
00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:06,502
I am. I'm not going to be apologetic about it. You know, I.

608
00:37:06,656 --> 00:37:10,570
I love people and I value friendships and that

609
00:37:10,610 --> 00:37:13,962
sort of thing, and I want to be able to be there for people and

610
00:37:13,986 --> 00:37:17,386
that sort of thing. And. And does it leave me open and

611
00:37:17,458 --> 00:37:20,106
susceptible to hurt? Yeah,

612
00:37:20,298 --> 00:37:24,106
it does, sure. But it's

613
00:37:24,138 --> 00:37:27,802
very rewarding for me to be able to

614
00:37:27,826 --> 00:37:31,818
play that role for members

615
00:37:31,874 --> 00:37:36,146
of our community because I was so alone for so long.

616
00:37:36,298 --> 00:37:39,650
Right. You know what I mean? Yeah. And so I

617
00:37:39,690 --> 00:37:43,154
just feel like people need a good companion sometimes. People need a

618
00:37:43,162 --> 00:37:46,350
good voice to talk to every now and then.

619
00:37:46,890 --> 00:37:50,510
And to be able to be that for somebody is

620
00:37:50,810 --> 00:37:54,354
very rewarding. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

621
00:37:54,402 --> 00:37:58,750
And. And so it's funny that it's developed like that because

622
00:37:59,430 --> 00:38:02,702
I don't like talking to people either. It's a

623
00:38:02,726 --> 00:38:06,158
little ironic. Yeah. You like

624
00:38:06,214 --> 00:38:10,382
talking. You really don't like talking to people. You say that often,

625
00:38:10,566 --> 00:38:14,650
you know, but you talk. It's an internal feeling all day. I do.

626
00:38:14,950 --> 00:38:18,750
I do. It's like. It's like a love and hate thing. I do

627
00:38:18,790 --> 00:38:21,982
not like talking to people. Well, see, now that's interesting, because you

628
00:38:22,006 --> 00:38:26,062
do so. Well, I'm better at social butterfly in person. I will chat.

629
00:38:26,126 --> 00:38:29,978
Oh, so online, you don't like online? You know,

630
00:38:30,114 --> 00:38:33,306
I'll do it. I. So I will talk. I like talking

631
00:38:33,338 --> 00:38:37,050
to people online just because it's. It's easier.

632
00:38:37,130 --> 00:38:40,650
It's like, is. I don't have to sacrifice my

633
00:38:40,690 --> 00:38:43,626
time with my family to have a discussion with somebody else.

634
00:38:43,658 --> 00:38:47,402
There you go. Whereas if I have to be in person, I have

635
00:38:47,426 --> 00:38:50,746
to say goodbye to you guys. I gotta go someplace where I'm probably gonna spend

636
00:38:50,778 --> 00:38:53,994
some money so that I can have a conversation with somebody so

637
00:38:54,002 --> 00:38:57,800
it's convenient for me. Is your communication better? So you

638
00:38:57,840 --> 00:39:01,380
would say your communication is better online? No,

639
00:39:01,760 --> 00:39:05,160
it's not. It's not. Didn't you just say that? No, no,

640
00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:08,424
that's not what I said. I actually believe

641
00:39:08,512 --> 00:39:11,992
I am just as good online as I am in person and

642
00:39:12,016 --> 00:39:15,752
vice versa. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No,

643
00:39:15,776 --> 00:39:19,352
I'm not the only difference. My communication is way better in

644
00:39:19,376 --> 00:39:22,580
person. The only difference for me is. And actually,

645
00:39:22,880 --> 00:39:26,408
this is something that you should consider before you say you're way better

646
00:39:26,464 --> 00:39:28,740
in person. Is.

647
00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:33,256
Is that. Yeah, your. Your communication is better

648
00:39:33,328 --> 00:39:37,016
in person, but it also comes with a face attached

649
00:39:37,048 --> 00:39:40,740
to it. Oh, yeah. And there is sometimes no

650
00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:44,296
mistaking what that face is saying.

651
00:39:44,448 --> 00:39:47,832
I'm unapologetically me. Yeah. Oh, I know.

652
00:39:47,856 --> 00:39:51,080
And I love it. I dig it. I'm here for it. But what I'm saying

653
00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:54,330
is, when you talk to somebody online,

654
00:39:55,270 --> 00:39:58,670
they can't see my face. This is the fascinating thing. They can't.

655
00:39:58,750 --> 00:40:01,966
They can't see your face. My punctuation. But they can see your punctuation.

656
00:40:02,078 --> 00:40:05,022
And, boy, do they know when it's iced up. You know,

657
00:40:05,126 --> 00:40:08,010
you. You know,

658
00:40:08,310 --> 00:40:12,142
maybe you should start looking at my punctuation. What is that?

659
00:40:12,326 --> 00:40:15,662
I don't even know what that means, but by

660
00:40:15,686 --> 00:40:18,932
its context, it didn't sound. Oh, did you like my tone? You didn't even

661
00:40:18,956 --> 00:40:22,772
see my face. I know I'm looking at the bathroom because.

662
00:40:22,956 --> 00:40:26,852
Because I am not an alpha male and I'm being shown up here by

663
00:40:26,876 --> 00:40:30,560
the alpha female. I have to play dead. Whenever the bear comes around.

664
00:40:32,540 --> 00:40:36,212
Maybe she'll. She'll sniff me and walk away. I love you. I love

665
00:40:36,236 --> 00:40:39,732
you, too. My goodness, you are such a communicator. Let me tell

666
00:40:39,756 --> 00:40:43,412
you. I am. You are. You are. I'm. I'm better at it

667
00:40:43,436 --> 00:40:46,972
now. You know what? And so am I. And I. This is

668
00:40:46,996 --> 00:40:50,556
part of the reason why I like where we're at right now. Because I

669
00:40:50,628 --> 00:40:54,540
know that I can speak freely about

670
00:40:54,660 --> 00:40:57,852
what I want and not get a whole lot

671
00:40:57,876 --> 00:41:01,532
of pushback. Now, I know that there are certain

672
00:41:01,636 --> 00:41:05,260
things that I can say if

673
00:41:05,300 --> 00:41:08,680
I wanted, and you would shut down.

674
00:41:09,060 --> 00:41:12,280
Luckily for me, I don't want those things.

675
00:41:12,900 --> 00:41:16,012
But I know where your line is drawn.

676
00:41:16,156 --> 00:41:19,932
But anything behind that line. Do you think

677
00:41:19,956 --> 00:41:23,532
you know where my line is drawn? I like to think that I know where

678
00:41:23,556 --> 00:41:25,280
your line is drawn. Yeah.

679
00:41:25,940 --> 00:41:30,720
Yeah. I would say your line is drawn at anything romantic.

680
00:41:31,380 --> 00:41:35,260
Anything that takes up my time away from you and

681
00:41:35,300 --> 00:41:38,850
is semi romantic. Yeah.

682
00:41:38,930 --> 00:41:41,630
Yeah. Yeah. That's your line. Do you have a line?

683
00:41:42,170 --> 00:41:46,470
Well, my line is the same as yours, only because I want even Stevens.

684
00:41:46,970 --> 00:41:50,190
If it wasn't even Steven, I wouldn't have a line.

685
00:41:50,490 --> 00:41:53,790
Yeah. Yeah. You gotta hold the leash a little.

686
00:41:54,810 --> 00:41:57,762
Hey, I don't care what anybody says. Is me and you. Whatever. Well, I mean.

687
00:41:57,786 --> 00:42:01,390
And this is a good example of what. What you and I,

688
00:42:01,850 --> 00:42:04,750
we're on. We're on two different levels of want.

689
00:42:05,450 --> 00:42:09,394
And if I could. We don't. We don't

690
00:42:09,522 --> 00:42:13,010
lifestyle the same. Yeah, we don't lifestyle for sure. We're. We're. We're on two different

691
00:42:13,050 --> 00:42:17,026
levels of. Yeah. What you want out of the lifestyle

692
00:42:17,218 --> 00:42:20,882
is completely different from what I want from the

693
00:42:20,906 --> 00:42:24,018
lifestyle. But what's good about it is,

694
00:42:24,074 --> 00:42:27,362
yeah, you may be here on this level, and I may

695
00:42:27,386 --> 00:42:30,898
be way up here on this level, and you're not up here with

696
00:42:30,954 --> 00:42:34,452
me, and you don't like it up there, but it

697
00:42:34,476 --> 00:42:38,720
doesn't matter because I love you and I want to do this with you.

698
00:42:39,340 --> 00:42:42,804
I'll come down here. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And you have. Yeah.

699
00:42:42,852 --> 00:42:45,892
Yeah. You know what? It is what it is. It's cool. I'm not going to

700
00:42:45,916 --> 00:42:49,604
let this be a relationship killer for me. Yeah.

701
00:42:49,732 --> 00:42:52,692
If. If that means, you know, if there's something I want to experience. Well,

702
00:42:52,716 --> 00:42:56,212
hey. Oh, well. Because my relationship needs

703
00:42:56,236 --> 00:42:59,792
a lot. You communicate with me on it. I do. And. And we talk about

704
00:42:59,816 --> 00:43:03,180
it, and it's. Just sometimes I'm not

705
00:43:03,720 --> 00:43:07,168
mentally ready. Sometimes I think I'm mentally ready.

706
00:43:07,264 --> 00:43:10,384
And then we're at some spot, whatever.

707
00:43:10,512 --> 00:43:13,520
Just we're at a spot, and I'm like, yeah, no,

708
00:43:13,560 --> 00:43:17,072
I wasn't mentally ready for that. Yeah. And I have to kind of

709
00:43:17,096 --> 00:43:20,208
work through it. Yeah. And it's a. And I'm not gonna lie, it's a pain

710
00:43:20,224 --> 00:43:23,790
in the ass for me. Yeah. Because it's almost like.

711
00:43:23,920 --> 00:43:27,506
And I. I think I've mentioned this before. It's like being

712
00:43:27,578 --> 00:43:31,298
told. It's. It's that whole Lucy holding

713
00:43:31,314 --> 00:43:34,642
the football thing. You know what I mean? You start holding the

714
00:43:34,666 --> 00:43:38,082
football, and you're like, okay, this is. Yeah, I think. I think I'm okay with

715
00:43:38,106 --> 00:43:41,282
this. And I'm like, are you sure? Because I don't know. And you're like,

716
00:43:41,306 --> 00:43:44,110
yeah, no, I think I'm okay with this. And then I go to do this,

717
00:43:44,490 --> 00:43:48,498
and then you pull the football from me and I fall down. Because you're

718
00:43:48,514 --> 00:43:51,560
going, yeah, no, I. I'm not okay with this. Yeah. I don't like this.

719
00:43:51,650 --> 00:43:54,908
Yeah. And as the supportive husband,

720
00:43:55,004 --> 00:43:57,916
I have to be like, okay,

721
00:43:58,108 --> 00:44:00,796
begrudgingly, fine, whatever.

722
00:44:00,988 --> 00:44:04,760
Begrudgingly. Begrudgingly. And. And luckily for me,

723
00:44:05,140 --> 00:44:08,332
that's happened a few times. I mean, and. But you've always made it up

724
00:44:08,356 --> 00:44:11,820
to me. And for. Yeah. I was gonna say so, like, you're. That you come

725
00:44:11,860 --> 00:44:14,876
down, I go up. So, like.

726
00:44:14,948 --> 00:44:18,142
Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like, I I. I bend to

727
00:44:18,166 --> 00:44:21,646
what I, you know. Yeah. And I mean, right now

728
00:44:21,798 --> 00:44:25,326
I'm able to. I mean, I don't really explore it very much,

729
00:44:25,398 --> 00:44:29,646
but we have the agreement that I can. I can have friends with benefits.

730
00:44:29,838 --> 00:44:33,038
You know, I can pursue stuff like that. If I.

731
00:44:33,094 --> 00:44:37,502
If I really wanted to, it would take communication and

732
00:44:37,606 --> 00:44:41,150
that sort of thing, but if I wanted to, I could pursue that.

733
00:44:41,270 --> 00:44:44,950
That's you going upwards. Because I know.

734
00:44:45,070 --> 00:44:48,370
Yeah. That you would. And there's a lot. Really care for that.

735
00:44:48,750 --> 00:44:52,390
Well, I mean, I did meet you up there, but there's a lot to that.

736
00:44:52,430 --> 00:44:56,230
Like, to get to that little spot that you. That you

737
00:44:56,270 --> 00:45:00,038
want, you have to, like, really up your communication.

738
00:45:00,214 --> 00:45:03,862
So, like, I mean, you do. And so that's why I can be

739
00:45:03,886 --> 00:45:07,718
there. Right. Because, yeah, I moved up for

740
00:45:07,774 --> 00:45:10,980
that. But there's a lot of hoops.

741
00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:15,856
There's a lot of hoops that have to be jumped

742
00:45:15,888 --> 00:45:18,672
through. Do you know what I mean? Before it even gets there. So it's like,

743
00:45:18,696 --> 00:45:22,384
okay, well, if he's willing to do that, I'm willing to do this. Right?

744
00:45:22,472 --> 00:45:25,340
So, yeah. Yeah. It's kind of a meeting in the middle thing.

745
00:45:26,040 --> 00:45:28,700
Yeah. And, you know, like I said,

746
00:45:29,400 --> 00:45:32,740
you do what you gotta do for your relationship.

747
00:45:33,080 --> 00:45:35,940
And I think when it comes to the lifestyle,

748
00:45:36,270 --> 00:45:39,446
I like the fact that, you know, if.

749
00:45:39,518 --> 00:45:42,758
If it has to be a little uncomfortable, I'm still gonna

750
00:45:42,774 --> 00:45:46,630
deal with it and I'm gonna tell you exactly what it is I want or

751
00:45:46,670 --> 00:45:49,878
I'm hoping for, or if I'd like for you to set something

752
00:45:49,934 --> 00:45:53,894
up or whatever. Because it's

753
00:45:53,942 --> 00:45:57,414
really fun when you're involved. Yeah. Even if it's a

754
00:45:57,502 --> 00:46:00,790
separate thing. And that's why I'm kind of cool with me

755
00:46:00,830 --> 00:46:03,654
playing separately. But you being the one setting it up.

756
00:46:03,742 --> 00:46:07,176
Right. Because initially,

757
00:46:07,288 --> 00:46:09,864
years ago, I wouldn't have liked that because I would have been like, fuck,

758
00:46:09,912 --> 00:46:13,192
dude, I'm my own person. I can do it on my own. You know,

759
00:46:13,216 --> 00:46:16,520
I don't need my wife setting up for me. But now

760
00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:20,200
I'm kind of digging it because I just fucking. I hate.

761
00:46:20,280 --> 00:46:23,128
I hate logistics. You know, I don't like setting things up.

762
00:46:23,264 --> 00:46:26,440
It's a pain. And the primary pain was having

763
00:46:26,480 --> 00:46:29,800
to set something up and then take that information over to you and go,

764
00:46:29,840 --> 00:46:33,022
hey, I'm putting this in the calendar. And then you kind of looking

765
00:46:33,046 --> 00:46:36,558
at me and going, oh, you. You planned for that day.

766
00:46:36,614 --> 00:46:40,142
Okay. And then I'm like, oh, well, I. Mean, oh, did you know

767
00:46:40,166 --> 00:46:42,862
that I have the day off and we're going shopping? Yeah. You know, it's like.

768
00:46:42,966 --> 00:46:45,518
Because you. You do a lot of stuff with the calendar, you know, and there's

769
00:46:45,534 --> 00:46:48,542
a lot of stuff. I don't know what's going on. You have planned. And so

770
00:46:48,566 --> 00:46:52,450
just logistically, it's just a pain in the ass. So I would rather,

771
00:46:52,870 --> 00:46:56,334
at this point in my life. Yeah. Hell, yeah, man. Take that off my

772
00:46:56,342 --> 00:46:59,522
plate. Go ahead, set me up. I wish I had a. I wish I had

773
00:46:59,546 --> 00:47:02,706
a secretary to set me up. Some sex. Some sex fun,

774
00:47:02,858 --> 00:47:05,950
you know? Can you have the conversations for me, too? That would be great.

775
00:47:06,490 --> 00:47:09,970
Yes, I actually can. No, actually, if you did, I would

776
00:47:10,010 --> 00:47:11,030
never get laid.

777
00:47:13,690 --> 00:47:17,410
It would never happen. It would never happen. Let me tell you something,

778
00:47:17,450 --> 00:47:21,234
though. It is. It. It has taken time and it has taken energy,

779
00:47:21,322 --> 00:47:24,530
and it has taken years to reach the level of

780
00:47:24,570 --> 00:47:28,354
communication that you and I have reached with each other. And we're just getting better,

781
00:47:28,442 --> 00:47:31,070
and we're getting better, and. But it. You know,

782
00:47:31,110 --> 00:47:34,862
people hear how we are with each other, and I

783
00:47:34,886 --> 00:47:38,462
know we make it seem easy, and right now

784
00:47:38,486 --> 00:47:42,254
it kind of is, but it really isn't. You know what I

785
00:47:42,262 --> 00:47:45,998
mean? This has taken years for us to get to this point. It's taken

786
00:47:46,054 --> 00:47:49,630
us years to be able to trust each

787
00:47:49,670 --> 00:47:53,678
other enough to be able to say

788
00:47:53,734 --> 00:47:57,290
the things that we say to each other. So when you hear us on the

789
00:47:57,330 --> 00:48:00,362
podcast and we're talking very free and very open with each other,

790
00:48:00,386 --> 00:48:03,786
well, that's. Because that's what we do with each other. We talk

791
00:48:03,858 --> 00:48:06,986
openly with each other. And I know that there's a lot of couples

792
00:48:07,018 --> 00:48:11,002
out there that wish that they could do that with their spouse. And you can,

793
00:48:11,186 --> 00:48:14,666
but don't just do it on a whim without

794
00:48:14,818 --> 00:48:18,202
initially talking to your spouse. That's right. So tell

795
00:48:18,226 --> 00:48:22,036
your spouse, look, this is something I want to try. Let's start

796
00:48:22,108 --> 00:48:26,320
being, like, really, really open. If you've ever seen

797
00:48:27,100 --> 00:48:31,924
the. There's that movie with

798
00:48:32,092 --> 00:48:35,924
Jason Siegel where he's.

799
00:48:35,972 --> 00:48:39,412
He breaks up or his chick breaks up with him. Oh, yeah. You know,

800
00:48:39,436 --> 00:48:42,840
and Sarah Marshall. Yeah. Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Yeah.

801
00:48:43,260 --> 00:48:46,960
Russell Brand's character of the.

802
00:48:47,390 --> 00:48:50,614
The. The guy that's. That was. She was cheating

803
00:48:50,662 --> 00:48:54,170
on him with. Yeah. That character

804
00:48:54,670 --> 00:48:58,838
is kind of a very cool character

805
00:48:58,934 --> 00:49:03,734
in the fact that he is honest almost

806
00:49:03,822 --> 00:49:07,910
to a fault. Yes. Like, he's just blatant.

807
00:49:07,990 --> 00:49:11,718
No filter. All honesty. And also not

808
00:49:11,774 --> 00:49:15,502
just all honesty, but just very frank, free. And I'm just

809
00:49:15,606 --> 00:49:18,990
happy and loving and just whatever. And I'm just gonna do whatever feels right.

810
00:49:19,030 --> 00:49:21,886
Man. That. I don't know what it is.

811
00:49:22,038 --> 00:49:25,790
I Dig it. And I took a lot from that character

812
00:49:25,950 --> 00:49:29,678
to my own mentality, which is we

813
00:49:29,734 --> 00:49:33,534
should be overly honest with each other. We should be overly

814
00:49:33,582 --> 00:49:36,542
open with each other. We don't have to be rude about it. We don't have

815
00:49:36,566 --> 00:49:40,286
to be ugly about it. There are ways to say things forward

816
00:49:40,358 --> 00:49:44,030
and direct without having any kind of tone whatsoever.

817
00:49:44,110 --> 00:49:47,742
Yeah. And just being able to have that as an

818
00:49:47,766 --> 00:49:51,262
open discussion and be able to say, look, I'm just saying something, and I know

819
00:49:51,286 --> 00:49:54,782
you don't like it, but this is really what I'm thinking. That's what

820
00:49:54,806 --> 00:49:57,054
I'm feeling. And we don't have to, we don't have to get mad at each

821
00:49:57,062 --> 00:49:58,650
other. We just talk about it.

822
00:49:59,910 --> 00:50:03,342
You kind of take on that mentality of thinking, and when

823
00:50:03,366 --> 00:50:07,244
we both take on that mentality of thinking, it leads to really great discussions.

824
00:50:07,382 --> 00:50:10,740
Yes. Really eye opening discussions.

825
00:50:11,080 --> 00:50:14,624
I like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's the good part.

826
00:50:14,712 --> 00:50:18,240
That's really where, I mean, that's. And that's how this podcast came

827
00:50:18,280 --> 00:50:21,888
to be, because we've always been able to

828
00:50:21,944 --> 00:50:25,344
have these open discussions with each other. And it's like, why aren't we

829
00:50:25,512 --> 00:50:29,152
recording this for other people to see. Yeah. Or for other

830
00:50:29,176 --> 00:50:32,624
people to hear. Excuse me. And so that's really

831
00:50:32,712 --> 00:50:36,024
how this was born into conception.

832
00:50:36,072 --> 00:50:37,940
But I think,

833
00:50:38,800 --> 00:50:42,200
well, realistically, it. The podcast

834
00:50:42,280 --> 00:50:45,672
has kind of opened us up as far as our communication

835
00:50:45,736 --> 00:50:48,420
even more, and I didn't think that that was possible.

836
00:50:48,960 --> 00:50:51,624
Yeah, we talk about. We talk,

837
00:50:51,792 --> 00:50:55,208
I guess, more freely. We talk more freely now.

838
00:50:55,264 --> 00:50:58,500
We used to have discussions and I felt like you were

839
00:50:58,880 --> 00:51:01,090
in agreement with me quite often.

840
00:51:01,240 --> 00:51:04,366
Yeah. And since the podcast,

841
00:51:04,478 --> 00:51:08,414
you've found your voice even more. Yeah. Which is

842
00:51:08,582 --> 00:51:12,014
groovy, baby. I'm digging it. Like, good for you. Yeah.

843
00:51:12,142 --> 00:51:15,438
Because I love a little spice, you know,

844
00:51:15,494 --> 00:51:19,070
you've got, you've got an argument. Pose it to me. You know, let's talk about

845
00:51:19,110 --> 00:51:22,330
it. Convince me. And so

846
00:51:22,710 --> 00:51:26,270
even just since the, the start of

847
00:51:26,310 --> 00:51:30,612
this podcast, being able to see that it's improved

848
00:51:30,676 --> 00:51:33,796
our communication is pretty cool.

849
00:51:33,988 --> 00:51:37,524
And that's kind of neat to be able to. To see that. Yes.

850
00:51:37,652 --> 00:51:40,820
Yeah. It's just getting better. Oh, I love it.

851
00:51:40,860 --> 00:51:44,340
It's just getting better. Absolutely. Absolutely.

852
00:51:44,420 --> 00:51:47,760
Yeah. So do you feel like there's anything that

853
00:51:48,300 --> 00:51:51,812
people like? So how

854
00:51:51,836 --> 00:51:55,502
do I put it? There's different things of communication.

855
00:51:55,566 --> 00:51:58,654
Right. And some people just don't have it.

856
00:51:58,822 --> 00:52:01,610
How would you ask? How would you tell somebody? Who?

857
00:52:01,990 --> 00:52:05,102
You and I. Right. Sometimes you can get a little

858
00:52:05,126 --> 00:52:08,430
passionate, and sometimes I'm a little bit More into myself.

859
00:52:08,510 --> 00:52:12,814
Right. Do you think it's baby steps

860
00:52:12,942 --> 00:52:16,062
to get there? Yeah. I mean, like, it's not going to happen overnight. No,

861
00:52:16,086 --> 00:52:19,310
you can't. You can't. You got to practice it. Yeah. Yeah. And that's the.

862
00:52:19,350 --> 00:52:22,870
The one thing that both parties need to understand.

863
00:52:23,330 --> 00:52:26,586
Yeah. That it has to be practice. It's not something that it doesn't

864
00:52:26,618 --> 00:52:30,026
happen overnight. You don't just turn on a light switch and all of a sudden

865
00:52:30,058 --> 00:52:32,954
it's. It's done. You. You do this now. Yeah.

866
00:52:33,082 --> 00:52:36,522
It takes practice. It takes gentle reminders.

867
00:52:36,586 --> 00:52:39,802
It takes patience from your spouse or partner. You know, I like that you

868
00:52:39,826 --> 00:52:43,050
said that. Gentle reminders. Yeah. You don't have to be an asshole about it.

869
00:52:43,090 --> 00:52:46,090
Yeah. You don't have to, like, throw it in their face and go, hello,

870
00:52:46,170 --> 00:52:49,654
I thought we were fixing that. Yeah. Sometimes you remind me, and it's

871
00:52:49,722 --> 00:52:52,558
been so long. Yeah. And sometimes I remind you. Yeah.

872
00:52:52,654 --> 00:52:56,894
Like. I don't know. That's a good way to put it. Yeah. Gentle reminders.

873
00:52:56,942 --> 00:53:00,686
I mean, it. You. It is what it is. You just.

874
00:53:00,758 --> 00:53:04,366
And then after a while, you don't need it as often, and it just becomes

875
00:53:04,398 --> 00:53:08,094
second nature. It's just your way. And the way you communicate,

876
00:53:08,222 --> 00:53:12,398
the way you communicated with your ex

877
00:53:12,534 --> 00:53:16,478
or. Or actually with anybody, the way you communicate with this one

878
00:53:16,534 --> 00:53:19,862
person is not going to be the same way that you communicate with

879
00:53:19,966 --> 00:53:24,518
everybody. Right. Right. It's always different. Yeah. It's like for

880
00:53:24,574 --> 00:53:28,370
me. Right. I actually. The way I communicate with you,

881
00:53:28,830 --> 00:53:31,958
I can communicate to my boss. Right.

882
00:53:32,094 --> 00:53:33,890
A little harsher, though.

883
00:53:35,150 --> 00:53:38,690
Do you know what I mean? The way I communicate with our children.

884
00:53:38,990 --> 00:53:42,902
Yeah. A little more relaxed. Yeah. So now

885
00:53:42,926 --> 00:53:46,150
you're starting to understand. So for the longest time, I always told

886
00:53:46,190 --> 00:53:49,894
you I can talk to somebody, learn their personality,

887
00:53:49,942 --> 00:53:53,814
and I can become a version of myself.

888
00:53:53,942 --> 00:53:57,750
That's better suiting for them. Yes. It's almost like

889
00:53:57,790 --> 00:54:01,862
a less threatening. Yeah. Kind of way. You know

890
00:54:01,886 --> 00:54:05,078
what I mean? Like, you know, I am somebody that. That they can get along

891
00:54:05,134 --> 00:54:08,342
with because I can respond to them in a certain way.

892
00:54:08,366 --> 00:54:11,718
I can talk to them. They can. They can understand me. I can understand them.

893
00:54:11,774 --> 00:54:15,862
Yeah. So the communication can match them. Right. You know,

894
00:54:15,886 --> 00:54:19,450
and for me, I'm very different in that. Yeah. Yeah.

895
00:54:19,790 --> 00:54:23,142
I'm very, very nice and loving in

896
00:54:23,166 --> 00:54:26,886
the house with. With you guys outside. I'm very

897
00:54:26,958 --> 00:54:30,630
not. Yeah. Yeah. My communication

898
00:54:30,710 --> 00:54:34,406
is harsher. Yeah, it is. Well, you know, and that's good because

899
00:54:34,478 --> 00:54:38,296
most. Most really narcissistic households

900
00:54:38,478 --> 00:54:41,348
tend to have. I'm not saying you're narcissistic. But I'm saying.

901
00:54:41,404 --> 00:54:44,772
Okay, I'm saying it's a good sign. I'm saying it's a good sign because

902
00:54:44,796 --> 00:54:48,132
you're not narcissistic. Because narcissistic households, you know,

903
00:54:48,156 --> 00:54:51,940
it would, it would be. You would treat everybody outside the household

904
00:54:52,100 --> 00:54:55,188
really well. Oh, yeah. And you would treat the people close

905
00:54:55,244 --> 00:54:58,852
to you like, oh, so that's a good sign. That's what

906
00:54:58,876 --> 00:55:02,320
I'm saying. Good job. You're not a narcissist. I mean,

907
00:55:02,940 --> 00:55:05,924
and I'm communicating that to you. I love that.

908
00:55:06,092 --> 00:55:09,044
Thank you. I want you to know that that's. I appreciate that you're not a

909
00:55:09,052 --> 00:55:12,300
narcissist. Thank you. Yeah. Yes.

910
00:55:13,520 --> 00:55:16,900
Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, it's, it's really,

911
00:55:17,680 --> 00:55:21,032
it's difficult. And that was something that I always tried to tell you was,

912
00:55:21,136 --> 00:55:25,224
you know, I, I handle things personality

913
00:55:25,272 --> 00:55:28,760
wise. Even with our kids. They're all different personalities. I have to

914
00:55:28,800 --> 00:55:31,848
handle them each and every different way. Yes.

915
00:55:31,944 --> 00:55:34,584
So the way I am with one kid, I cannot be with the other kid

916
00:55:34,632 --> 00:55:38,216
and vice versa. I have to be different versions of

917
00:55:38,288 --> 00:55:41,752
myself to better suit them. Just the same way

918
00:55:41,776 --> 00:55:45,720
as I am with people at work. You know, the two

919
00:55:45,760 --> 00:55:50,120
executives at my office. Yes. They couldn't be more opposite.

920
00:55:50,280 --> 00:55:53,592
Opposite. Yeah. One is a, an extreme

921
00:55:53,656 --> 00:55:57,160
conservative type of person,

922
00:55:57,280 --> 00:56:01,064
very businessman like. And then the other one is very

923
00:56:01,232 --> 00:56:05,562
liberal, far. Hardly ever wears shoes.

924
00:56:05,706 --> 00:56:09,450
California kid, you know, I mean, it's, they are farthest

925
00:56:09,530 --> 00:56:13,418
away on the spectrum. They don't get along, they don't like each other. They're very

926
00:56:13,474 --> 00:56:17,242
different personalities and I can be

927
00:56:17,346 --> 00:56:20,570
different versions of myself for both of them.

928
00:56:20,610 --> 00:56:24,058
And they both love me. I can, I can connect with them

929
00:56:24,114 --> 00:56:28,644
on both different levels and still

930
00:56:28,732 --> 00:56:32,964
have a good, secure relationship with them without

931
00:56:33,132 --> 00:56:36,516
shortfalling myself because it's a version

932
00:56:36,548 --> 00:56:39,988
of me. It's not, it's not, it's not all of me.

933
00:56:40,044 --> 00:56:43,460
Yeah. I'm not going to share with this person what they

934
00:56:43,500 --> 00:56:47,332
may not like. They're going to get what they like. And they, and that's.

935
00:56:47,396 --> 00:56:50,772
I'm good. I'm good with it. I remember asking you about them and I

936
00:56:50,796 --> 00:56:54,030
remember when you got this job and I told you and you told

937
00:56:54,070 --> 00:56:57,022
me that you're like, they're so different. And I was like,

938
00:56:57,046 --> 00:57:00,318
oh, really? And you're like, yeah. The way I communicate with this one, can't communicate

939
00:57:00,334 --> 00:57:03,850
with that one. I was like, I mean, no sense to me.

940
00:57:04,470 --> 00:57:07,790
Now you get it, though. Oh, I totally get it. Now you get it.

941
00:57:07,830 --> 00:57:11,822
I totally get it. Because it really how you communicate

942
00:57:11,886 --> 00:57:14,782
with each different personality. Yes.

943
00:57:14,926 --> 00:57:18,062
That's really what it comes down to. And that's what a

944
00:57:18,086 --> 00:57:21,698
lot of conflict comes out. You know, if, if one person doesn't

945
00:57:21,714 --> 00:57:25,666
know how to communicate with this personality, so then they just communicate

946
00:57:25,698 --> 00:57:29,026
it how they would, how they think everybody should take it.

947
00:57:29,098 --> 00:57:32,274
Right. And this personality is not going to take it that way. Yeah.

948
00:57:32,322 --> 00:57:35,906
And then before you know it, it's conflict. It's a misunderstanding because

949
00:57:35,978 --> 00:57:39,346
somebody didn't know how to communicate properly. And I feel like a lot of people

950
00:57:39,418 --> 00:57:42,802
don't know how to read between the lines.

951
00:57:42,946 --> 00:57:46,016
Well, I mean, I don't know how. To read between the lines. No, you don't.

952
00:57:46,138 --> 00:57:49,060
You don't. No. And there's a lot of people who don't. Because, I mean,

953
00:57:49,100 --> 00:57:52,372
realistically, you're asking people to interpret.

954
00:57:52,516 --> 00:57:55,956
Yeah, that's true. And everybody's got different interpretations. You can't

955
00:57:55,988 --> 00:57:59,860
expect that from people. I think a lot of really smart people just

956
00:57:59,900 --> 00:58:03,268
go, just tell me. Just tell me. Just say,

957
00:58:03,324 --> 00:58:06,932
don't play these games with me. Don't, don't expect me to think that I

958
00:58:06,956 --> 00:58:10,292
can read your mind. Just tell me and I'll do

959
00:58:10,316 --> 00:58:13,522
it. You can't read my mind right now. I can. You look

960
00:58:13,546 --> 00:58:16,482
very tired, and I think we're gonna have to wrap up. Yes.

961
00:58:16,626 --> 00:58:20,402
I need my bowl. Cereal. Okay, well, let's go get a bowl of

962
00:58:20,426 --> 00:58:24,210
cereal. Hey, let me tell you something before we go. You look

963
00:58:24,250 --> 00:58:27,474
really cute, though. So do you. I know. You look. I know you're tired

964
00:58:27,522 --> 00:58:30,642
and you're ready to close your eyes and everything, but I just want you to

965
00:58:30,666 --> 00:58:34,114
know, and I want everybody out there in the podcast land know,

966
00:58:34,282 --> 00:58:37,602
I think you are the most amazing woman I've ever

967
00:58:37,626 --> 00:58:40,920
met in my entire life, and I am very thankful for you.

968
00:58:41,040 --> 00:58:44,184
I'm glad that you're my best friend, and I'm, I'm happy to

969
00:58:44,192 --> 00:58:46,920
be sharing this with you. Oh, I love you, baby. I love you, too.

970
00:58:46,960 --> 00:58:49,944
And I'm happy to be sharing this with all of you as well. Everybody out

971
00:58:49,952 --> 00:58:53,768
there in podcast land, thank you so much for joining us this week.

972
00:58:53,824 --> 00:58:56,552
We are having a ball. Sometimes,

973
00:58:56,696 --> 00:58:59,912
Sometimes I, I, I quit before the show,

974
00:58:59,936 --> 00:59:03,496
and then she talks me into doing it. Um, but for the most part,

975
00:59:03,568 --> 00:59:06,810
communication. For the most part, we're having a great time doing the show,

976
00:59:07,000 --> 00:59:10,758
and I'm really very, very happy that

977
00:59:10,814 --> 00:59:14,022
all of y'all are joining us and being

978
00:59:14,046 --> 00:59:16,758
able to be a part of our family, essentially. I mean, that's what this is.

979
00:59:16,814 --> 00:59:20,262
That's what we're doing. So thank you for joining us. Thank you for showing all

980
00:59:20,286 --> 00:59:23,638
your love and support. And we will see you next week

981
00:59:23,774 --> 00:59:24,450
by.