S1 E12 When Respect Meets Desire: Navigating Public Affection

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This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. We explore topics

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surrounding sexuality, intimate relationships, and related

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subjects in an open and candid manner. Please be advised that

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we are not licensed marriage or sex therapists, and the

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content shared here is for entertainment and informational purposes only.

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If you are under 18 years of age or prefer not to engage with discussions

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about sex, relationships, or mature language, we strongly recommend

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that you refrain from listening further. However, if you are of legal age

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and comfortable with this content, we invite you to settle in and enjoy the

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show. Hello, and welcome to another

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episode of Beyond Monogamy. I'm Adam. And I'm Prez.

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And thank you so much for joining us today.

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Yeah, I gotta say that my wife, she looks incredibly beautiful today.

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I just want to start the show up like that because you look great.

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Thank you. I just woke up. You literally just woke up from a nap.

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You were like Sleeping Beauty and you just woke up and you said,

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look at me. I look good. You do.

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Anyways, we're here today talking,

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like we always do, very particular about the subject.

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Today I was talking to a friend of mine not too long ago,

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actually this past week, and she was

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referring to her husband and. And her. And,

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you know, their opinions about different things. And she's

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okay with pda,

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public displays of affection,

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and even, to an extent, some emotional attachment.

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Okay. And he is not. Which,

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like, it's. It's like fire and ice, you know, like the.

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The differences are stark. So you mean with each other?

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No. You mean with other people? With other people in the life? Let's clarify that.

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Yeah, obviously with each other. They're a married couple. Well, you know,

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there's some people that don't like to do pda. This is true. And we

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have some friends. So I. I'm kind of curious. That thought

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popped into my head, and I was like, you know what? I know how

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I feel about that. Those. Those two specific things.

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I think I have an idea of how you feel about it, but realistically,

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I'm kind of curious. How do you personally feel

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about public displays of affection within us, within the

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swinger community? Okay, so let

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me give you some specifics here, because we can. We can go all around

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this, and. And it. It can go everywhere. Yeah.

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What I mean by this, public displays

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of affection is not

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necessarily in a sex club,

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not necessarily in a place like a house party, things like that.

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That's not what we're talking about here. Okay. What we're talking about are

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maybe meet and greets at a vanilla

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bar or hanging out with couples

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at A restaurant. Okay. Things like that. Where it's

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not normally seen. Say you meet three or four

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couples at a, at a regular neighborhood bar. Okay. And you know,

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they're all lifestyle and maybe you've even played with them and

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you've had makeout sessions. There's, you go to the club

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and there's public displays of affection. You know, you touch each other,

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you kiss each other in front of everybody. It's not a big deal. Right.

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Because it's a sex club. Right. But you go into a bar,

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you go into a bowling alley, you go wherever,

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and people see you and your husband walk

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in together, they see the other couples walk in together,

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and then they see public displays of affection amongst

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the group. Now I'm curious, what, what do you feel about that?

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Like what, how, what's your opinion on all that? So I do

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not mind it. I actually,

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I like it. I think it's hot. Do you?

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But, but big but. I like

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big buts, but not in this case. Okay.

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So I like it. But I have

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noticed that social cues aren't taken.

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Now what do you mean by that? So, like, I'm down for that.

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I'm down for even. Like if we first meet and everyone

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is kind of digging everything, we've already chatted because we usually chat with people beforehand.

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Right. And the most people that we talk to

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already kind of know like the podcast and have heard the way Priscilla

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is. Yeah. So I, I,

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I like that. But I have found that it's

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usually you making the move on somebody

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and I'm just sitting there. Me making the move?

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Yes. You think that I'm. So when we're out,

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it's. You think that I just make moves? Yeah, I don't.

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Okay. Okay. We know, I don't know. We've had this discussion before. So we

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can be out. I don't normally seek out. Okay,

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so then they, they make moves on you. Correct. Okay, so let's,

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let's be specific. Anywho, you, they make

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moves on you, right? The guys usually

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don't make moves on me. Well, so I will tell

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you, I have seen guys try to make moves on you, and you

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are not susceptible. As a matter of fact, we were just talking about that yesterday.

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If I just meet them, like, we haven't talked to them. You're talking about if

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I've already talked to them? No, I'm talking about if we've already talked to them.

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There have been people that we have met at several different meet and greets

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and we've connected with and enjoyed. Yeah. And every time they come

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in to give you a hug and they want to give you a kiss,

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you turn your face. You know what I mean? Yeah. So.

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Really? Well, I mean, you literally tell people.

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That all the time. We were just talking about it. I do sometimes,

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I guess. But no, I don't. I mean, I don't mind it.

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I think it's hot. More girls need to do that.

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You think? Yeah. Like, I like girls.

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I mean, I love you guys. Don't get me wrong. I love you guys,

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but I like girls. Like,

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I. I want to make out with a girl.

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Right? You know, like, that's my thing. I think that's hot.

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But I do not mind public display of affection. Like, PDA is fine,

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either sex. It doesn't matter where you're at. But I know.

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Yeah. And okay, I'll be nicer to the guys. Sorry, guys. If I give you

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my cheeks. Sorry. If I do the side thing.

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It's just. It's. Sometimes it's just, I don't know,

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convenient. And I will say,

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I. I always have makeup on. And, like, I don't want to

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ruin my makeup if I don't want to make out with somebody

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and, like, ruin my makeup. Right. You know,

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like, I don't know. So up. So up.

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I guess maybe I'm mistaken, but I was under the impression that you

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were not okay with public displays of affection. Yeah. I don't want to

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be sitting there and, like, have my husband making out with somebody, and I'm just

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sitting there with a guy, like, hi, how was your day?

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No, no, I don't like that. Like, that. I could. I.

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I find that completely, like, really, like, kind of

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boring. Okay. Honestly. Okay. If you're going to be kissing somebody,

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that dude better make a move. Right. You know what I mean?

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Like, yeah. Or I'm gonna squeeze in between y'all. And it seems like

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for the most part, whenever stuff like that has happened,

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the guy always ends up being really respectful and doesn't make it.

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Yeah. I mean, if your chick is getting her tongue sucked on by

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my man. Oh, wow. By all means, like,

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freaking show her up. You know what I mean? Like.

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Yeah. Don't just have me standing there. That's freaking boring.

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Because then I'm just going to squeeze in between you and the girl and be

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like, okay, my turn.

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So that covers kissing. Yeah.

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Other public displays of affection. I think it's hot.

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Really? I do. I don't want to be sitting there. Oh,

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yes. For example, we were. We went out last

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night with a couple. Yeah. We were having a

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good time. We were sitting at the bar at a, At a table near

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the bar. Yeah. And she was next to me,

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and you were on the other side of me. And he was across from

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you. Yeah. And he seemed very respectful and almost

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a little nervous. She seemed very loose.

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And. Yeah, she's more flirty, easygoing, Very flirty, very touchy

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feely, which I love. Yeah. And the entire night,

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there was this kind of. I, There was a want where

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I wanted to, you know, kind of be more physically

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affectionate in the, in the way of, like, you know, just occasional

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touch here and there, you know, just kind of show that I was interested.

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But I reserved myself initially because

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I thought you had issue with that. Oh, no.

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I mean, I was touching him. Were you? Every time I would talk to

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him, and I was kind of, like, leaning over. Yeah. Like, I, I'm more.

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Now I'm trying to be a little bit more loosey, goosey.

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Okay. And I go with the flow. Yeah. And I kind of, like, touch them

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to know that it's okay to touch me. Yeah. Right. So I'm

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touching them and, and like, kind of showing that

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I'm interested. And so. Yeah. He even kind of held my fingers

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for a sec. Oh, that's because I was laughing. We were laughing about something.

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Right. And so I, I, I do the same thing

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now. Don't. Don't do it disrespectfully,

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which nobody has, and you don't do that. So now what, what is that exactly?

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Well, don't go in for my tits at a bar. I mean,

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I don't care if we're making out or if

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we're kissing and you kind of like, oh, I want to. Can I, Can I

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grab a feel? But yeah, I let you do that. Totally. Do you know what

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I mean? Like, I find it hot if we're already all, like, flirting and

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it's all just all mutual. Yeah. Yes.

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Like, I love it. I would love to walk in

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to a place they see me with you,

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and then I'm going somewhere else to make out with somebody like. Or so

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I always found that I find it. I find it so hot

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now. It just always seems to be that you and I stay

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together when other couples, when we meet up with other couples.

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Right. It's just a comfortable thing. Well, I don't think that we've reached

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that point with anybody. Right. Where we're

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comfortable enough to do that. But we had talked. I remember when we first moved

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out to this area, and I remember

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us going and meeting New couples. Yeah. At a. At a

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local bar. Yeah. And I remember telling you my specific fantasy,

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which was, I would really love it if we could make

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a couple friend. Yeah. Where we can. We can show up at

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the bar. Yeah. And then they show up as well. And we're

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on one side of the table. They're on the other side of the table.

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And you get up and you go sit next to him. And she gets up

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and goes. Sits next to me. So that's my date for the night.

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Same. I love that. So do you remember when

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we were poly back in the day, and we had this girl and we met

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her at a bar, and we were sitting there, and it was me, you,

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and her, and across from us

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was this couple that had just got there,

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and. And now they're listening to our podcast.

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Yeah. Okay. So remember how we met them? They were.

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They were at a table. Oh, that was hot.

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And this other couple met up with them. Right. And I

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looked at you, and I was like, I think they're swingers. And you're like.

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I'm like, no way. You're like, no. And I'm like, yeah, look,

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he's with her. But now they're not together. And now they're

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kind of like. They're. They were, like, back and forth. Right. Which I found very

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sexy. And so then I asked them, I was

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like, are y'all swingers? And they gave us their card. And now they're

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friends now, and they've. Been friends and they've been friends for. A very long time.

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But, yeah, though, like, I find that hot. Like,

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we go and we're meeting somebody, and then we're like,

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okay, go and chat.

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Where it. Where it gets difficult. Not difficult, but I like both

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sexes, so if we're into a couple, I am

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more than. I'm probably 100, also attracted

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to her. Right. So it's like, I want both, like.

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And see, that's difficult, because if you take both. Well, not both.

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She's gonna stand a lot. Both. But, like, if she's with you chatting and you're

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kissing and he's with me chatting, and we're cuing, we're probably going to be next

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to each other. Right? Because that's. We're at a table. Yeah, we're at a table.

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It's like, okay, well, every now and then, I want to lean in for a

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little kiss from her, you know? Right. And I think that's where it kind of

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gets difficult. It's like, I'm not saying for y'all two to be by

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yourselves. We're not going to be at the moment. See, and that's the.

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That's the problematic part, because if you two start kissing at the bar,

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which. That. Let's. Let's face facts.

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If. If women swap sides and the

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men are kissing different women at the table. Yeah. That doesn't catch

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as much attention as if there's two couples at

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the table and the women start making out. I mean, you know what I mean?

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Does anybody care about the attention? Do you know what I mean? Like. But what

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I'm saying is, like, everybody in the bar is going to start scoping that out.

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That's going to stop. Everybody, by all means, let it. Because everybody likes

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to see that. So I find that hot. I don't. I don't mind it.

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I don't want to. I don't want to be the cheese. Standing alone.

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00:13:33,662 --> 00:13:37,086
Like, grow some cojones. Like, come on, let's do this.

226
00:13:37,158 --> 00:13:40,718
So now that's. With couples. Say you and I,

227
00:13:40,774 --> 00:13:44,654
we. We meet up with a lady, a single lady,

228
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:48,686
which we have a few friends who are. Who are single in the lifestyle.

229
00:13:48,878 --> 00:13:53,342
We meet up with a single lady, and they

230
00:13:53,366 --> 00:13:56,672
like you. They like me? What then?

231
00:13:56,776 --> 00:14:00,144
Like, how does that work? I'm pretty much. I ask.

232
00:14:00,232 --> 00:14:04,608
I even ask our friends, are you good with some

233
00:14:04,744 --> 00:14:08,304
public display? Like, are you good if we are chatting and I kind

234
00:14:08,312 --> 00:14:10,848
of lean in it for a kiss from your husband? I mean, are you cool

235
00:14:10,864 --> 00:14:14,432
with that? If they're not. They're not. Right, Right. I feel like if

236
00:14:14,456 --> 00:14:17,632
it's the girl, I'm also going to ask and be like,

237
00:14:17,656 --> 00:14:21,168
are you cool with, like, if you're going to kiss Adam, but you're also into

238
00:14:21,224 --> 00:14:24,764
me, you're going to kiss me also? Like, this isn't

239
00:14:24,812 --> 00:14:28,396
even. Steven. This is not, oh, only in the bedroom type of thing, girlfriend.

240
00:14:28,428 --> 00:14:31,900
If you're bi, you're bi. But see, here's the.

241
00:14:31,940 --> 00:14:35,420
Here's the thing, though. You don't say that very nicely.

242
00:14:35,580 --> 00:14:39,036
I will say I do. You just said it like that. Well, no,

243
00:14:39,108 --> 00:14:42,620
okay, that's not. That's attitude, lady.

244
00:14:42,700 --> 00:14:45,132
That's not going to get taken very well. No, I wouldn't say it like that.

245
00:14:45,156 --> 00:14:48,364
I'm pointing off. I know, but. But what I'm saying. I mean,

246
00:14:48,372 --> 00:14:52,940
I would do. You are very aggressive in that manner where

247
00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:56,976
if. If it's one of those things where it's like, well, this is my man.

248
00:14:57,048 --> 00:15:00,512
And so you kind of have like. No, no, no, no, no,

249
00:15:00,536 --> 00:15:03,792
no, no, no, I don't. Not especially with the girls. That we talk to

250
00:15:03,816 --> 00:15:07,456
that are single. Yeah, no, I'm not like that with them. But I'm

251
00:15:07,488 --> 00:15:11,456
saying, like, if we go out, I would ask them, hey, so I'm

252
00:15:11,488 --> 00:15:15,392
pretty sure that Adam is going to want to kiss you. I also want

253
00:15:15,416 --> 00:15:18,856
to kiss you. If we're inside of this restaurant or,

254
00:15:18,928 --> 00:15:22,536
you know, we're at a bar. Are you cool with both of us kissing

255
00:15:22,568 --> 00:15:26,232
you? Are you still kind of reserved

256
00:15:26,296 --> 00:15:29,660
to kiss a woman in public? What is your stance?

257
00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:33,272
Then you and I would talk. I'd be like, okay, so you're going to have

258
00:15:33,296 --> 00:15:37,160
to be easy with it, because it's. Or you

259
00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:40,328
just give me a kiss also. You know what I mean? Like, if she's not

260
00:15:40,384 --> 00:15:43,696
into the public display. A bar. Yeah, but you're

261
00:15:43,728 --> 00:15:46,944
kissing both of us. That's hot. If she doesn't want to kiss

262
00:15:46,992 --> 00:15:50,208
me, I. I'm cool with you kissing her and then turning

263
00:15:50,224 --> 00:15:53,900
around and kissing me. Like, I find that

264
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:57,632
very hot. Okay. Like, don't ignore.

265
00:15:57,696 --> 00:16:00,720
Don't ignore me. Right. Do you know what I mean? And, you know, you.

266
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:04,272
You say that often. I. I never ignore you. Don't. And. And it's not even

267
00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:07,980
for me to remind you. Like, you know, you always.

268
00:16:08,290 --> 00:16:11,242
Your lips are always on mine. Yeah. Yeah. You know,

269
00:16:11,266 --> 00:16:14,490
but, you know, so even this is one of the things that I am still

270
00:16:14,530 --> 00:16:18,250
kind of shaky on to this day, even though we've talked about it, is we

271
00:16:18,290 --> 00:16:22,314
can be out with another couple or another

272
00:16:22,402 --> 00:16:26,154
person, and I know that I'm connecting

273
00:16:26,202 --> 00:16:29,658
with them, and maybe they're connecting

274
00:16:29,674 --> 00:16:33,162
with me a little bit more or they're interacting with me a little bit more

275
00:16:33,186 --> 00:16:36,522
or anything like that. Not necessarily connecting with me, but interacting with

276
00:16:36,546 --> 00:16:39,306
me a bit more. You know,

277
00:16:39,378 --> 00:16:42,842
sometimes I want to be a bit more affectionate or I

278
00:16:42,866 --> 00:16:46,554
want to kiss or that sort of thing, but I am very standoffish

279
00:16:46,602 --> 00:16:50,202
or I'm very reserved in that end because I don't know how

280
00:16:50,226 --> 00:16:53,482
you're going to react. And so that's always kind

281
00:16:53,506 --> 00:16:57,178
of stopped me because I've seen some bad reactions now. I think you've

282
00:16:57,194 --> 00:17:01,002
gotten better. But I. I don't. I never want to push it because I just,

283
00:17:01,106 --> 00:17:04,522
you know, I mean, it's also a time and place kind of thing, because if

284
00:17:04,546 --> 00:17:08,621
you're not in the. In. In the mood for that sort of thing,

285
00:17:08,805 --> 00:17:11,901
you're gonna be like, yeah, no. Well, we've kind of set

286
00:17:12,085 --> 00:17:15,037
a air quotes, a rule,

287
00:17:15,133 --> 00:17:18,301
okay. Of if you're sitting there and you're chatting with

288
00:17:18,325 --> 00:17:21,853
somebody and you are kissing. And I have to

289
00:17:21,861 --> 00:17:26,477
Kiss you? Yeah. Like, you see that I'm not. He's blah.

290
00:17:26,573 --> 00:17:29,821
Yeah. And you know me, if I'm blah,

291
00:17:29,885 --> 00:17:33,303
if he's blah, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna go to the restroom

292
00:17:33,461 --> 00:17:36,068
and I'm gonna. I'm gonna remove myself,

293
00:17:36,164 --> 00:17:39,620
okay? Because why do I want to

294
00:17:39,660 --> 00:17:43,108
be with a purse? Why do I wanna. If there's no connection,

295
00:17:43,204 --> 00:17:46,320
there's no connection. Right now I can say to the person,

296
00:17:46,620 --> 00:17:50,068
oh, I'm not. I'm not feeling this right now. But that's gonna

297
00:17:50,084 --> 00:17:53,636
hurt their feelings. It is, but it's also straightforward,

298
00:17:53,748 --> 00:17:57,252
which I can be. But I'm trying to be nicer. I mean, I think you

299
00:17:57,276 --> 00:18:00,728
can be straightforward and be nice at the same time. There's so. I mean,

300
00:18:00,844 --> 00:18:04,288
it's. That's the thing. So there has been points where you're con.

301
00:18:04,344 --> 00:18:07,408
You're. You're talking to the girl and then you start kissing, and then I'm talking

302
00:18:07,424 --> 00:18:11,220
to the guy and it's like, okay, well, he's a tad boring.

303
00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:14,940
I'm gonna walk away. Right? You know, I mean,

304
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:19,056
if you don't. If dude's not gonna try, you have to capture

305
00:18:19,088 --> 00:18:22,800
my attention. But we've also said, okay, since if you're doing that

306
00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:26,192
to kind of turn around and be like, hey, baby, come give

307
00:18:26,216 --> 00:18:29,740
me a kiss. Yeah. Like, if you just give

308
00:18:29,780 --> 00:18:33,080
me a little, tiny, little kiss and be like, are you good?

309
00:18:33,380 --> 00:18:36,732
That's good. That's good enough for me because I am getting my attention,

310
00:18:36,876 --> 00:18:40,700
okay? Like, if you see me walk away, it's because

311
00:18:40,740 --> 00:18:44,560
I'm freaking bored. See, now in that situation,

312
00:18:45,300 --> 00:18:48,492
you say, I'm. I'm. I'm making out with her,

313
00:18:48,596 --> 00:18:52,220
right. And you're attempting with the guy. It's not going

314
00:18:52,260 --> 00:18:55,468
well. So then you decide to remove yourself from the situation.

315
00:18:55,564 --> 00:18:58,894
Yeah. I see you get up and walk away, but you don't tell me

316
00:18:58,902 --> 00:19:03,630
anything. You just get up and walk away. Yeah. Do I go after you stay?

317
00:19:03,750 --> 00:19:07,294
What do I do there? I mean, I can go and tell you. Yeah.

318
00:19:07,342 --> 00:19:10,590
I can tell you. Hey, I'm gonna. We can have a little thing.

319
00:19:10,710 --> 00:19:13,742
Okay, we can have a thing. We won't say it right now,

320
00:19:13,846 --> 00:19:16,910
but you and I can have a thing and then you'll know. Hey.

321
00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:21,022
Okay, well, she's not interested. Wrap it up over here. And then we

322
00:19:21,046 --> 00:19:24,254
can move on. Okay? Right. I mean, because your one thing

323
00:19:24,262 --> 00:19:27,198
and my one thing is we don't want to get bombarded by somebody if we're

324
00:19:27,214 --> 00:19:30,510
at like a meet and greet or whatever. Right. By a specific couple.

325
00:19:30,590 --> 00:19:34,462
Right. Like, we're there to mingle. We're there to have, you know, you can set

326
00:19:34,486 --> 00:19:38,222
that up at another time. Right, right. So, no, I mean, you and

327
00:19:38,246 --> 00:19:41,470
I can have a thing because that has happened a few times where I'm like,

328
00:19:41,590 --> 00:19:45,290
all right, I'm not interested in her, dude. Like,

329
00:19:46,070 --> 00:19:48,510
he. He's. I'm just not interested. Right. You know.

330
00:19:48,550 --> 00:19:51,720
Right. And if she's interested in me,

331
00:19:52,340 --> 00:19:55,340
she. You. She has to show it. Sure.

332
00:19:55,460 --> 00:19:59,212
So that's funny that you bring that up, because I've noticed.

333
00:19:59,356 --> 00:20:02,480
This is something that I've been kind of keeping track of lately.

334
00:20:02,980 --> 00:20:06,760
There is a. A good amount of.

335
00:20:07,220 --> 00:20:11,580
Of women in the lifestyle that we have come across who

336
00:20:11,620 --> 00:20:14,998
have expressed verbal interest in

337
00:20:15,054 --> 00:20:18,678
both of us. Right. They've expressed interest in me.

338
00:20:18,734 --> 00:20:23,330
They've expressed interest in you. But when we're all together,

339
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:27,350
they're more on you. They're more interactive. With me,

340
00:20:27,390 --> 00:20:30,598
the interest seems more with me. Right. And less with you.

341
00:20:30,654 --> 00:20:34,182
Yeah. And what I'm finding out is at

342
00:20:34,206 --> 00:20:38,630
least most of the time is they

343
00:20:38,670 --> 00:20:41,606
don't know how to talk to other women. They don't know how to flirt.

344
00:20:41,638 --> 00:20:45,034
They get very shy. Things like that. Right. And so

345
00:20:45,042 --> 00:20:48,490
it's just easier to flirt with a guy. It's easier to talk

346
00:20:48,530 --> 00:20:51,690
to a guy. It is. Because they've been doing it for so long.

347
00:20:51,730 --> 00:20:55,114
It's just the norm. Yeah. And they're afraid to screw up

348
00:20:55,122 --> 00:20:57,754
with women because maybe they haven't had that much.

349
00:20:57,922 --> 00:21:01,674
That. Too many experiences with women and. Right. And so there's a

350
00:21:01,682 --> 00:21:05,946
shyness there or there's a reserved feeling.

351
00:21:06,058 --> 00:21:09,786
Yeah. In situations like that, you kind of have.

352
00:21:09,858 --> 00:21:13,760
You. You kind of have to break down the

353
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:16,864
barriers and. And see. Very true.

354
00:21:16,912 --> 00:21:20,768
But now these women don't tell me that they're interested, so.

355
00:21:20,824 --> 00:21:25,008
No, they tell me. You have to. They have to tell me because just

356
00:21:25,064 --> 00:21:28,512
as much as a man would tell them, they need to

357
00:21:28,536 --> 00:21:32,144
tell me because we're going to meet up with them, and then I'm just going

358
00:21:32,152 --> 00:21:35,584
to be like, okay, well, they just want my man. Yeah. And I'm going

359
00:21:35,592 --> 00:21:38,874
to. I'm going to lose interest. Just turn it around. If it

360
00:21:38,882 --> 00:21:42,090
was a girl who was with us or a couple. Right.

361
00:21:42,210 --> 00:21:45,402
And you liked her, but she's there just

362
00:21:45,426 --> 00:21:48,410
talking to me. Yeah. You would feel like,

363
00:21:48,530 --> 00:21:51,786
okay, well, she just wants. They. They just want my point out. The elephant

364
00:21:51,818 --> 00:21:55,114
in the room. Yeah. I've had 12 years of that. Yeah. Well, I mean.

365
00:21:55,202 --> 00:21:58,650
And you have. I've had 12, but I also. But I have also had it

366
00:21:58,690 --> 00:22:02,330
where women just don't, like, don't. Don't be

367
00:22:02,370 --> 00:22:05,594
scared. Scared. I wear the lifestyle. Like, that's the.

368
00:22:05,682 --> 00:22:09,098
That's the point. Yeah. Like, send me a cute little

369
00:22:09,234 --> 00:22:12,698
message and be like, hey, I'm interested.

370
00:22:12,794 --> 00:22:16,522
Or if you tell me, I will tell them, hey, I'm interested too.

371
00:22:16,626 --> 00:22:20,550
So, like, I know you're talking to him. I'm not really good

372
00:22:20,850 --> 00:22:24,474
via text. I'm trying. Right. But as much. As much

373
00:22:24,482 --> 00:22:28,106
attention as you're showing him. They got as much attention

374
00:22:28,138 --> 00:22:32,396
that they're showing you. They have to show me that much attention. Right. Because what's

375
00:22:32,428 --> 00:22:36,396
gonna happen is I'm gonna lose interest,

376
00:22:36,548 --> 00:22:40,332
and then it's gonna be like, okay, boo, this is

377
00:22:40,356 --> 00:22:43,692
not gonna go anywhere. Like, what are we doing? You know?

378
00:22:43,716 --> 00:22:47,100
And then we're gonna move on. Yeah. So it has

379
00:22:47,140 --> 00:22:51,356
to be shown equally. I don't mind making

380
00:22:51,428 --> 00:22:55,020
the first move on women. I'm good with that.

381
00:22:55,140 --> 00:22:57,880
Okay. I just find it a lot of,

382
00:22:58,270 --> 00:23:02,010
oh, I'm bi situational, or I'm biish.

383
00:23:02,350 --> 00:23:06,534
We don't do bi situation. Everybody that's told you I'm bi situational

384
00:23:06,582 --> 00:23:09,590
has been in. I know. So I complain about that a lot.

385
00:23:09,630 --> 00:23:12,294
Well, I'm just saying because I see it a lot. No, I also see it

386
00:23:12,302 --> 00:23:15,398
a lot for people I haven't met. And I'm like, dang. Really? But that doesn't

387
00:23:15,414 --> 00:23:18,870
mean that they're not into it. They say by situational because

388
00:23:18,910 --> 00:23:22,566
that means they don't find you attractive. They have. They're not in the situation.

389
00:23:22,678 --> 00:23:26,294
Yeah. You have to find the woman. And so when it's somebody like that.

390
00:23:26,382 --> 00:23:29,800
Yeah. Am so okay with making the move. But if somebody who is

391
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:32,920
100% by. Let's chat.

392
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:36,344
Like, you have to show me affection or not affection.

393
00:23:36,392 --> 00:23:39,980
You have to show me a little bit of interest as much as you're showing

394
00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:44,056
the guy. Okay. You know, like, it has to be. And then.

395
00:23:44,208 --> 00:23:47,560
Then we can have some fun. Right. Right. Well, you know, and.

396
00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:51,624
And to be fair, you are very upfront

397
00:23:51,672 --> 00:23:54,444
and forward and open.

398
00:23:54,612 --> 00:23:58,412
Yes. Whereas there's a lot of women in this lifestyle who

399
00:23:58,436 --> 00:24:01,276
are not toward women.

400
00:24:01,348 --> 00:24:04,428
Toward women. Yes. Excuse me. Yes. Yeah. Toward women.

401
00:24:04,484 --> 00:24:08,252
There. There's a lot of women that just don't know how.

402
00:24:08,356 --> 00:24:11,692
And that's seasoned women. Women that have been

403
00:24:11,716 --> 00:24:15,964
in the lifestyle for a while. Yes. I am finding out still

404
00:24:16,052 --> 00:24:19,612
have major issues expressing this. Very true.

405
00:24:19,676 --> 00:24:23,862
To other women. Very true. And. And it normally takes them

406
00:24:23,966 --> 00:24:27,782
drinking oftentimes. Yeah. Reaching a

407
00:24:27,806 --> 00:24:31,414
certain threshold to where they're a little bit looser and they can express that.

408
00:24:31,502 --> 00:24:34,646
Without the worry. Yeah. But,

409
00:24:34,798 --> 00:24:38,630
yeah, I'm starting to see this a lot more. That a lot of women are.

410
00:24:38,670 --> 00:24:42,210
Are having difficulties with that. If I know that a girl is

411
00:24:42,670 --> 00:24:46,444
into me, I will totally make the first move.

412
00:24:46,582 --> 00:24:50,048
Okay. I don't mind doing that. Like. Well,

413
00:24:50,104 --> 00:24:53,500
you may. You may want to get used to making the first move. I mean,

414
00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:58,000
because I think this is a thing. Yeah. There's a small handful

415
00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:01,904
of women that we know that are like you.

416
00:25:02,072 --> 00:25:05,408
Yes. And we tend to gravitate towards them just because it's

417
00:25:05,424 --> 00:25:09,200
an easier. I absolutely love an easier kind of vibe. Yeah.

418
00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:12,780
But there are a lot of ladies that we do know

419
00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:17,552
that are not. That are secretly dying

420
00:25:17,616 --> 00:25:21,312
for your attention or wanting to connect with you

421
00:25:21,336 --> 00:25:25,056
in some way. Yeah. But are very afraid and

422
00:25:25,128 --> 00:25:29,072
don't know how to go about it. Well, look, ladies, if you're listening to

423
00:25:29,096 --> 00:25:32,960
this podcast and you are into me and I haven't already spoken

424
00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:36,608
to you and I don't know this, just shoot me a little.

425
00:25:36,744 --> 00:25:40,866
A little message. Just, hey, I'm interested.

426
00:25:40,978 --> 00:25:44,178
I will take it from there. Okay. I'll take it from there.

427
00:25:44,234 --> 00:25:48,482
That's interesting. Okay. Like, let's. So if somebody tells me,

428
00:25:48,666 --> 00:25:51,906
somebody reaches out to me and says, hey, I'm really. I'm into you,

429
00:25:51,978 --> 00:25:55,138
but I'm also really into your wife. Yeah. And they're

430
00:25:55,154 --> 00:25:58,450
told. They're only telling me. Yeah. Should I

431
00:25:58,490 --> 00:26:01,794
tell them? Let's start a group text. Do it. So here's the

432
00:26:01,802 --> 00:26:05,212
problem with group text. Yes. And I think we. I told

433
00:26:05,236 --> 00:26:08,652
you about this the other day. A group text is great for

434
00:26:08,676 --> 00:26:13,196
the three of us talking about generalized things with

435
00:26:13,268 --> 00:26:16,764
no problems. But if a person is trying to connect

436
00:26:16,812 --> 00:26:20,764
one on one to learn more about them, that's difficult to do in a

437
00:26:20,772 --> 00:26:23,788
group text. No, it's not. Yes, it is. Absolutely.

438
00:26:23,884 --> 00:26:27,740
Why? Because then you have other people

439
00:26:27,860 --> 00:26:31,228
interjecting in the conversation. When I'm trying to connect with

440
00:26:31,284 --> 00:26:35,000
one person. Person. But she's trying to connect with both of us.

441
00:26:35,300 --> 00:26:38,444
Assuming it's just one person. Say we're talking about a

442
00:26:38,452 --> 00:26:42,156
couple. Say we're talking about a couple. Yeah. No, I mean, I don't think so.

443
00:26:42,228 --> 00:26:45,564
You might find it like that. No, I'm. I'm telling you. Yeah. It's difficult.

444
00:26:45,612 --> 00:26:49,420
I don't. Because we have group messages where the woman I

445
00:26:49,460 --> 00:26:52,796
want to connect with and I want to learn more about and I want to

446
00:26:52,868 --> 00:26:56,604
get to know. Because I am like that. And is she by.

447
00:26:56,772 --> 00:27:00,180
Yes. Do you know what I mean? So. But I'm not exploring that.

448
00:27:00,220 --> 00:27:03,172
That's for you to explore for me to explore. I don't care if she's bi.

449
00:27:03,236 --> 00:27:07,172
Yeah. Because that doesn't affect me. Yeah. So there we have different things, because I.

450
00:27:07,276 --> 00:27:10,932
I think that if it's in a. If it's group, we're all getting to

451
00:27:10,956 --> 00:27:14,196
know each other the way it needs to be done. Like,

452
00:27:14,268 --> 00:27:16,404
we just all need to get. We are all getting to know each other.

453
00:27:16,492 --> 00:27:19,332
You know that every single group that we have had. Yeah.

454
00:27:19,476 --> 00:27:22,820
It doesn't work that way. We don't connect one on one

455
00:27:22,860 --> 00:27:26,638
in a group. That's really why it's called one on one.

456
00:27:26,774 --> 00:27:30,370
You can't connect one on one in a group message.

457
00:27:30,950 --> 00:27:34,222
I. I mean, I think. No, but I think it all

458
00:27:34,246 --> 00:27:37,390
works. I think it works. I think. I think I can still get

459
00:27:37,430 --> 00:27:40,462
to know her. You can get to know her, and weekend, I can get to

460
00:27:40,486 --> 00:27:43,918
know him. What comes out of is you

461
00:27:43,974 --> 00:27:48,254
tell me very often, you say, all these people,

462
00:27:48,422 --> 00:27:51,994
they just talk to you. Like, we have a group message. They just talk to

463
00:27:52,002 --> 00:27:55,338
you. We have a group message. And I'm really in that group

464
00:27:55,394 --> 00:27:59,350
message, the recent one. I'm talking about several different

465
00:27:59,730 --> 00:28:03,194
ones. Well, because I am change. You are confident,

466
00:28:03,242 --> 00:28:06,938
Adam. I am changing my ways. So we started a group message with.

467
00:28:06,994 --> 00:28:10,266
With a couple. Yeah. And I'm interacting with them. I'm talking

468
00:28:10,298 --> 00:28:13,578
to them just as much as you're talking to them. I'm sending memes. I'm being

469
00:28:13,634 --> 00:28:16,684
funny, I'm being cutesy. I'm being as much as you are.

470
00:28:16,772 --> 00:28:20,040
Yeah. But that's not connecting with somebody one on one.

471
00:28:20,340 --> 00:28:23,932
That's my point. I mean, I think you can, but you don't

472
00:28:23,956 --> 00:28:27,292
think you can. So you're going to. You want me to start a group message

473
00:28:27,356 --> 00:28:30,684
so that you can tell this person, hey, I'm interested in you.

474
00:28:30,852 --> 00:28:34,972
So then I have to sit here and watch you two connect with

475
00:28:34,996 --> 00:28:38,764
each other. Because what ends up happening in a group message is we.

476
00:28:38,852 --> 00:28:42,972
We all talk, you fade away, and I take over the conversation,

477
00:28:43,036 --> 00:28:45,842
and before you know it, I'm talking for the both of us,

478
00:28:45,996 --> 00:28:49,526
and I am hijacking the entire conversation because you're not.

479
00:28:49,678 --> 00:28:52,950
Yeah, but that was back then. We. This year,

480
00:28:52,990 --> 00:28:56,198
I have not done that this year. Yeah. Yeah.

481
00:28:56,294 --> 00:28:59,050
I haven't done that. I've been in the conversations,

482
00:28:59,390 --> 00:29:02,534
and then the conversation is gone.

483
00:29:02,582 --> 00:29:06,310
And I'm like, whoa, what's going on? No. And then you're like,

484
00:29:06,350 --> 00:29:09,878
oh, well, I'm still chatting. I'm like, oh, no, ma'am. Okay. That is

485
00:29:09,934 --> 00:29:12,710
incorrect. And that.

486
00:29:13,250 --> 00:29:16,442
That's what that's what causes I

487
00:29:16,466 --> 00:29:21,030
lose interest. If we're in a group text and

488
00:29:21,570 --> 00:29:24,906
they just start. I. I know that you're still chatting, and I'm

489
00:29:24,938 --> 00:29:28,682
like, oh, well, why do I. Then why do I even need

490
00:29:28,706 --> 00:29:32,442
to be in the group text? Right? Because, like, it starts off great.

491
00:29:32,546 --> 00:29:36,330
That's my point. It starts off great, and then it

492
00:29:36,370 --> 00:29:40,642
kind of fades away, and I'm like, what. What's going on? What happened?

493
00:29:40,786 --> 00:29:43,682
You know? Like, I know that you have one. We have a group text,

494
00:29:43,746 --> 00:29:47,230
right? And I know that you're really good friends with. With.

495
00:29:47,530 --> 00:29:51,282
With the girl. That one. I don't care. Yeah, like, that one is

496
00:29:51,306 --> 00:29:54,562
fine, because I just don't like that one. I just do

497
00:29:54,586 --> 00:29:57,554
not care about. Like, that one is great. Like, every now and then you'll.

498
00:29:57,602 --> 00:30:00,818
Because you tell me. Oh, yeah, and then I'll

499
00:30:00,834 --> 00:30:03,666
go to the group and I'll be like, hey, Adam told me this. Yeah,

500
00:30:03,778 --> 00:30:07,506
I'm very interactive in that. Right? But it's

501
00:30:07,538 --> 00:30:10,722
not sexual. Like, that one is not sexual.

502
00:30:10,786 --> 00:30:14,226
Right? Like, they're. They're friends and you connect more with.

503
00:30:14,298 --> 00:30:18,430
With her and him, I'm assuming. But, like, that's Yalls thing right

504
00:30:19,130 --> 00:30:22,562
now we have group texts where it's all four of

505
00:30:22,586 --> 00:30:26,226
us. I mean, this is. This one's a bad example,

506
00:30:26,258 --> 00:30:29,356
but there's all four of us. And then I'm like,

507
00:30:29,428 --> 00:30:33,372
okay, well, let me go back to that text. And it's like,

508
00:30:33,396 --> 00:30:37,084
oh, well, I'm over here. I'm chatting with her. I'm like, oh, well, then I.

509
00:30:37,172 --> 00:30:40,560
I. Well, I don't think she likes me anymore. Okay, cool.

510
00:30:41,540 --> 00:30:45,068
So. And why would you even go there with that? Because if that's

511
00:30:45,084 --> 00:30:48,380
an extreme. Because if she did. And if.

512
00:30:48,500 --> 00:30:51,932
If she did, it would be in. It would be in the

513
00:30:51,956 --> 00:30:56,166
group. Whatever you have to say to. To Adam

514
00:30:56,358 --> 00:30:59,814
or to me, it could be in the group. I don't care.

515
00:30:59,902 --> 00:31:03,382
I don't care if there's a woman flirting with you in. In our group text.

516
00:31:03,446 --> 00:31:06,710
Like, by all means, whatever.

517
00:31:06,790 --> 00:31:10,278
Yes, I am his hype man. Like, he is fine. Cool.

518
00:31:10,454 --> 00:31:14,022
But if there's not a connection, like, if it's just on the side

519
00:31:14,046 --> 00:31:17,318
and it's. You're no longer talking to me in the group or we're

520
00:31:17,334 --> 00:31:20,540
no longer chatting. I'm be like, well,

521
00:31:20,580 --> 00:31:24,156
see, so that's something that ends up happening is that you stop chatting

522
00:31:24,188 --> 00:31:27,068
in the group when you notice that I'm keeping up with them.

523
00:31:27,124 --> 00:31:30,492
But. But so do they think about that? Like, it's not only me if

524
00:31:30,516 --> 00:31:33,500
they're. Not so it's their job to bring you back in. No, what I'm saying

525
00:31:33,540 --> 00:31:37,084
is if we're chatting in a group and then you're

526
00:31:37,132 --> 00:31:40,540
still chatting on the side, one on one with her, it's like, well,

527
00:31:40,580 --> 00:31:43,532
whatever you can say here, you can say over here,

528
00:31:43,716 --> 00:31:46,682
like, what am I going to do? What am I going to say? It's the

529
00:31:46,706 --> 00:31:50,042
freaking swinger lifestyle. Yeah, No, I. I don't. I don't think

530
00:31:50,066 --> 00:31:53,802
you're understanding me, though. You cannot connect one on one. Of course

531
00:31:53,826 --> 00:31:57,466
you can. In a group setting. If there's four or five of us

532
00:31:57,538 --> 00:32:01,194
and I want to talk to one person and be zoned in. Yeah, you have.

533
00:32:01,282 --> 00:32:04,634
And you're going to be right there involved in the conversation. I'm not going

534
00:32:04,642 --> 00:32:07,946
to be. And actually, I kind of step away for the second. I.

535
00:32:08,018 --> 00:32:10,602
Yeah, yeah. And so do you. That's my point. Well, no, what I'm saying is,

536
00:32:10,626 --> 00:32:14,136
like, when. When the guy is flirting with me, you're like, hey, he's flirting

537
00:32:14,168 --> 00:32:16,696
with you. Go back to the message, and I go back to the message,

538
00:32:16,728 --> 00:32:20,104
and I'm flirting. I'm. I'm back and forth. Do you

539
00:32:20,112 --> 00:32:23,992
know what I mean? Like, we're still connecting back and forth. And then

540
00:32:24,176 --> 00:32:27,300
because I get distracted, right? Because I'm doing other things,

541
00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:31,432
I'm connecting. You kind of back away for a second or for a couple of

542
00:32:31,456 --> 00:32:35,304
minutes until this conversation is done. And then she'll chime

543
00:32:35,352 --> 00:32:38,920
in, and then you'll come in. Like, it's been that way. It's been

544
00:32:38,960 --> 00:32:42,858
back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Like, I find that,

545
00:32:42,994 --> 00:32:46,282
and I find it hot. Someone is thinking my

546
00:32:46,306 --> 00:32:48,906
man is hot and telling him, oh, my God,

547
00:32:48,938 --> 00:32:52,794
yes. I 100 agree with you, girl. He is amazing.

548
00:32:52,922 --> 00:32:56,618
So is your dude. And then the whole conversation starts flowing.

549
00:32:56,714 --> 00:33:00,250
I'm learning about her, I'm learning about him. You're learning about

550
00:33:00,290 --> 00:33:03,610
him, you're learning about her. We're still all connecting.

551
00:33:03,690 --> 00:33:06,826
There's still flirtatious vibes, and there's

552
00:33:06,858 --> 00:33:10,708
still a lot of conversation going on. Now if

553
00:33:10,764 --> 00:33:14,276
there's that. That whole thing, and we're. It's getting all nice and we're

554
00:33:14,308 --> 00:33:17,924
being all cool, and then you're still talking

555
00:33:17,972 --> 00:33:20,884
to Susie or whatever over here on the side.

556
00:33:20,972 --> 00:33:24,964
I'm like, well, whatever y'all can say, you can say over here.

557
00:33:25,132 --> 00:33:27,924
Like, why are you keeping me out of the loop? You know what I mean?

558
00:33:27,932 --> 00:33:31,172
Like, I want to see it. I think it's hot. Why does

559
00:33:31,196 --> 00:33:34,596
it always have to be about hotness, though? I make friends or or friends.

560
00:33:34,668 --> 00:33:37,820
I mean, that's cool. Like, But. But I think so.

561
00:33:37,860 --> 00:33:41,468
I think that any. Any separate conversations that you think I have,

562
00:33:41,524 --> 00:33:45,292
you think it's sexually. Okay. Or all four of us. All four of us are

563
00:33:45,316 --> 00:33:48,460
trying to get to know her, because I want to get to know that person

564
00:33:48,580 --> 00:33:52,204
as much as you're trying to get to know that person. And you're really good

565
00:33:52,292 --> 00:33:55,756
about engaging the conversation, which is

566
00:33:55,828 --> 00:33:59,436
amazing. And I'm. I'm. I'm doing my best to follow it through,

567
00:33:59,588 --> 00:34:03,500
but you're good at engaging conversation and keeping it

568
00:34:03,540 --> 00:34:07,376
going. And every now and then, I come in and

569
00:34:07,448 --> 00:34:11,580
I get into the conversation, which is

570
00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:15,744
nice. It's. It's flowy. We're all learning

571
00:34:15,792 --> 00:34:19,520
about each other and. Because, yeah, you're making friends,

572
00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:22,480
but you're gonna make friends with him as much as you're making friends with her.

573
00:34:22,600 --> 00:34:25,968
Yeah, but what. What ends up happening is you'll disappear for a while

574
00:34:26,024 --> 00:34:29,088
because you've got things to do. Yeah. I've got more time on my hand.

575
00:34:29,144 --> 00:34:32,058
Yes. And. And so I'll keep talking to them,

576
00:34:32,194 --> 00:34:35,594
and a lot has passed, and then you've missed all of this stuff.

577
00:34:35,642 --> 00:34:38,490
Yeah, but I always. I come in. I always come in, and I'm like,

578
00:34:38,530 --> 00:34:42,410
oh, all right. We. I'm back. Yeah, let's. Let's. Let's start

579
00:34:42,450 --> 00:34:45,930
this up again. And we. I start chatting because

580
00:34:45,970 --> 00:34:49,210
that's my thing. I'm trying to get better at the

581
00:34:49,250 --> 00:34:52,890
group messages because I want

582
00:34:52,930 --> 00:34:56,499
to connect with both of them. I want to

583
00:34:56,539 --> 00:34:59,971
learn about both of them. Do you know what I mean? Like, I want

584
00:34:59,995 --> 00:35:03,427
to know I like her, and I want to know I like him,

585
00:35:03,563 --> 00:35:06,851
whether she's playing with me or not. I want to know if I like her,

586
00:35:06,955 --> 00:35:10,019
and I want to know if I like him. And I would assume that you

587
00:35:10,059 --> 00:35:13,331
want to know if you like him and if you want to. If you

588
00:35:13,355 --> 00:35:17,331
like her. Well, yeah, obviously. Yeah. So that's why I'm saying connection

589
00:35:17,395 --> 00:35:20,707
or not or whatever, it's cool. When it's

590
00:35:20,723 --> 00:35:24,832
done in the group text. Yeah. I'm in and out, but I'm trying my best

591
00:35:24,936 --> 00:35:28,048
to be in it, catching up with the conversation,

592
00:35:28,144 --> 00:35:30,660
trying to get a vibe of everybody,

593
00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:34,928
and that's where it goes. So as far as you're concerned,

594
00:35:35,104 --> 00:35:38,752
I can connect with somebody one on one in a group conversation.

595
00:35:38,896 --> 00:35:42,240
Yes. I don't agree with you at all. And I will

596
00:35:42,280 --> 00:35:45,712
never. Probably not. I mean, I'm not saying that

597
00:35:45,736 --> 00:35:48,896
I'm right. Obviously, it's my opinion. Your opinion is your opinion.

598
00:35:48,928 --> 00:35:52,338
And this is something that we will never agree on. Yeah. Because I

599
00:35:52,394 --> 00:35:55,762
do not agree with that. I think as a

600
00:35:55,786 --> 00:35:59,110
group, we tend to step on each other's toes.

601
00:35:59,930 --> 00:36:03,330
There. There's one. One group in particular, I'll tell you

602
00:36:03,450 --> 00:36:07,710
that. It's. It's us and it's another couple and we're talking and

603
00:36:08,010 --> 00:36:11,922
I'm interested in learning more about this girl. And every time I

604
00:36:12,106 --> 00:36:15,650
message with her in mind, trying to learn more about

605
00:36:15,690 --> 00:36:19,572
her, her dude steps all over it and then I can't get to know

606
00:36:19,596 --> 00:36:22,868
her. Do you understand what I'm saying? And it's

607
00:36:22,884 --> 00:36:26,100
the same thing when people ask you questions or they. And then

608
00:36:26,220 --> 00:36:29,252
you don't maybe answer right away. So then I'm like, well, let me

609
00:36:29,276 --> 00:36:32,548
throw myself out there. And then I end up hijacking the conversation

610
00:36:32,724 --> 00:36:35,956
and they get to know me better before. It's.

611
00:36:35,988 --> 00:36:40,116
So there's no one on one connection. It's stepping

612
00:36:40,148 --> 00:36:43,572
on each other. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? No, I. I totally understand.

613
00:36:43,676 --> 00:36:46,900
That's my. I mean, I totally understand that. That is my point. That is not

614
00:36:46,940 --> 00:36:50,144
a one on one conversation. And you can't say that that doesn in all the

615
00:36:50,152 --> 00:36:53,152
groups that we have. Because it does. It does. It happens in

616
00:36:53,176 --> 00:36:56,432
every single group we have. We make an effort to go

617
00:36:56,456 --> 00:36:59,536
back in there and still have the conversation. The point,

618
00:36:59,608 --> 00:37:03,856
the point is that you cannot connect one on

619
00:37:03,928 --> 00:37:07,344
one with a person in a group text. That's what I'm saying.

620
00:37:07,432 --> 00:37:10,704
Okay. That's what I'm getting. Okay. It's.

621
00:37:10,752 --> 00:37:14,640
It's a. It's a group message. Okay. You're not going to get a one on

622
00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:18,048
one. I mean, I feel like you can agree to disagree. There you go.

623
00:37:18,104 --> 00:37:22,108
Agree. Agree to disagree. I mean, that's it.

624
00:37:22,164 --> 00:37:25,836
It does. It's still. And it doesn't. It's not even about hiding

625
00:37:25,868 --> 00:37:29,084
things because I have access to everything. Yeah, of course. Do you know what I

626
00:37:29,092 --> 00:37:32,332
mean? Like, it's not. It's just. I don't know if we're all

627
00:37:32,356 --> 00:37:35,420
going to connect. We're going to connect because what ends up happening is you're doing

628
00:37:35,460 --> 00:37:38,220
that. And then I'm like, okay, well, this dude's not talking to me more.

629
00:37:38,260 --> 00:37:42,044
I don't want to talk to him. See, that's. But you get all. You get

630
00:37:42,132 --> 00:37:45,564
butt hurt. I don't get butt hurt. That's exactly what that was. Right?

631
00:37:45,732 --> 00:37:47,420
I'm not going to talk to him. He's not going to talk to me.

632
00:37:47,460 --> 00:37:50,892
He's not going to be engaging. Not everybody's as socializing as

633
00:37:50,916 --> 00:37:54,340
you Are not everybody has those skills. Hey, I'm in person.

634
00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:58,104
I have straight up told people I am better at person. I will chat

635
00:37:58,152 --> 00:38:01,848
your ear off in person. Why? So then people don't talk to you.

636
00:38:01,984 --> 00:38:05,432
They try. No, they do. This guy's trying. He's trying

637
00:38:05,456 --> 00:38:08,344
to talk to me. And he's being, you know, he's. He's funny and whatever.

638
00:38:08,392 --> 00:38:11,400
And she comes in because she's as busy as I

639
00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:14,808
am. Yeah. And she comes into the conversation and we're talking.

640
00:38:14,984 --> 00:38:18,820
But, I mean, I'm learning about her. I'm learning about him.

641
00:38:20,410 --> 00:38:23,602
Because we're busy. Right. You know, Adam has more time on

642
00:38:23,626 --> 00:38:27,058
his hands. Always. We're busy. Yeah. And we both all.

643
00:38:27,114 --> 00:38:30,610
We all just come in whenever we can, and sometimes the conversation does

644
00:38:30,650 --> 00:38:34,050
get hacked or hijacked by you, but we all

645
00:38:34,090 --> 00:38:37,618
come back in little bits and pieces. We all

646
00:38:37,674 --> 00:38:40,962
come back. Now it's just to kind of get a

647
00:38:40,986 --> 00:38:43,470
little bit of the. The.

648
00:38:44,170 --> 00:38:47,522
Let's get to know you a little bit better. Just a little bit. Then you

649
00:38:47,546 --> 00:38:51,170
tell people, then we better. Move it, because we move it after that.

650
00:38:51,210 --> 00:38:54,802
I'm like, hey, so let's meet up. We can

651
00:38:54,826 --> 00:38:58,242
meet up now because we've already. Okay. We kind of. We. We like

652
00:38:58,266 --> 00:39:01,682
their little vibe. Let's set up a dinner. Let's set up a

653
00:39:01,706 --> 00:39:04,466
lot. Let's set up something so that we can talk. Because,

654
00:39:04,538 --> 00:39:08,178
yes, I am 110% better in

655
00:39:08,234 --> 00:39:10,950
person than I am via chat.

656
00:39:11,530 --> 00:39:14,806
I am trying to be better, and I am chiming in.

657
00:39:14,938 --> 00:39:18,302
But if you really want to get to know me,

658
00:39:18,406 --> 00:39:22,142
you have to meet up with me. I'm just a

659
00:39:22,166 --> 00:39:26,142
better conversationalist. But with that being said in

660
00:39:26,166 --> 00:39:30,094
the group text, if the guy's not talking to you, you've lost interest.

661
00:39:30,182 --> 00:39:33,534
You just said that. Well, you have. I mean, we both have

662
00:39:33,542 --> 00:39:36,798
to be involved, but I don't know. I don't lose interest.

663
00:39:36,934 --> 00:39:40,334
It's not. Literally, it's not. You were saying, if he's not going to talk to

664
00:39:40,342 --> 00:39:42,764
me, then I'm not going to talk to him. I don't care. No, those are

665
00:39:42,772 --> 00:39:46,140
your words. If he's not talking to me and I'm telling you,

666
00:39:46,180 --> 00:39:49,612
okay, he's not really holding a conversation. Like, he's just. He's not even

667
00:39:49,636 --> 00:39:53,116
coming in. It's been days. Like, I guess it's

668
00:39:53,148 --> 00:39:57,452
done. Are we done? You know, I mean, it hasn't happened,

669
00:39:57,596 --> 00:40:01,260
but I would be like, is this conversation done? Are we

670
00:40:01,380 --> 00:40:04,320
done talking to them? Like, what happened?

671
00:40:04,660 --> 00:40:07,586
You know, life gets busy. Yeah.

672
00:40:07,748 --> 00:40:11,510
It is what it is. They get. It gets busy. But if you don't show

673
00:40:11,550 --> 00:40:15,222
me interest, if you don't talk to

674
00:40:15,246 --> 00:40:18,582
me because I'm horrible at chatting, I straight up

675
00:40:18,606 --> 00:40:22,102
tell everybody, you gotta keep it engaged. Like, we have to keep it

676
00:40:22,126 --> 00:40:25,382
engaged, because then I'll lose interest. Like, I'll lose a conversation. I'll be like,

677
00:40:25,406 --> 00:40:28,050
oh, what's going on?

678
00:40:28,430 --> 00:40:31,490
So, I mean, I don't know.

679
00:40:31,790 --> 00:40:34,840
I don't know. I don't know what to tell you. There's no you.

680
00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:38,168
You. How did this go from PDA to that? I don't know. We. We started.

681
00:40:38,224 --> 00:40:41,800
We went into group group messaging. It went from there. Hey, I mean,

682
00:40:41,840 --> 00:40:45,432
it works. I mean, and, and, you know, and. And for

683
00:40:45,456 --> 00:40:48,712
those listening, we're not getting upset with each other, but we're very passionate. We are

684
00:40:48,736 --> 00:40:52,792
very passionate, especially when we don't agree, because we agree often on

685
00:40:52,816 --> 00:40:55,560
a lot of things, but there are certain things that we just don't agree on.

686
00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:59,496
Yeah. And it's one of those things where there's certain things we're

687
00:40:59,528 --> 00:41:03,034
just not going to agree on. And this is one of them.

688
00:41:03,122 --> 00:41:06,650
And that's okay because we make it work. Yes. You know, we.

689
00:41:06,690 --> 00:41:10,010
Everything we make work just the way that we're talking about it now. We talk

690
00:41:10,050 --> 00:41:13,514
about it when the microphones are off and it's.

691
00:41:13,562 --> 00:41:17,082
It goes the same way. And it does. You know, at some point we

692
00:41:17,106 --> 00:41:19,738
sit back and we go, okay, well, we don't agree on this, but, yeah,

693
00:41:19,834 --> 00:41:23,114
this is. This is how we're going to do things. Yeah. And it's like,

694
00:41:23,202 --> 00:41:26,870
okay. And we. And we accept it. Yeah. And. And we can both

695
00:41:27,310 --> 00:41:31,318
express our discontent as much as possible, but as long as we both

696
00:41:31,374 --> 00:41:35,030
come to a. An agreement and, you know,

697
00:41:35,070 --> 00:41:38,502
almost like a compromise. Yes. Where maybe you're giving in

698
00:41:38,526 --> 00:41:42,118
a little bit. I'm giving in a little bit. And it just works out better

699
00:41:42,174 --> 00:41:45,846
that way. Yes. And that's this, that's the beauty of this whole thing.

700
00:41:45,918 --> 00:41:49,622
Yeah. Is I can. I can have my disagreements with you, and we can sit

701
00:41:49,646 --> 00:41:52,934
there and we can talk about it and we can work it out. And I

702
00:41:53,022 --> 00:41:56,692
love that. And we just. We agree to disagree. We agree to

703
00:41:56,716 --> 00:41:59,972
disagree. I can't stand that phrase. But in this situation,

704
00:42:00,116 --> 00:42:03,300
it really is what it is. You know, Agree to disagree and.

705
00:42:03,420 --> 00:42:06,452
And we will always make it work. Yes. But. Yeah,

706
00:42:06,516 --> 00:42:11,668
man, that's. That's, that's okay.

707
00:42:11,844 --> 00:42:15,044
Pda. Come back over here. Pda.

708
00:42:15,092 --> 00:42:18,244
We were. We were having a good time with that. You know, there was one

709
00:42:18,252 --> 00:42:21,736
thing regarding PDA before we move on that I was curious

710
00:42:21,768 --> 00:42:25,848
about. Now we've had our experiences in poly

711
00:42:26,024 --> 00:42:29,800
as well as, as I roll my eyes, the regular lifestyle.

712
00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:33,256
Yes. So engaging in public

713
00:42:33,328 --> 00:42:35,860
displays of affection in public,

714
00:42:36,560 --> 00:42:39,380
does that change the dynamic at all?

715
00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:43,240
I don't think so. Do you know what I mean? Like, because some people,

716
00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:46,990
like, say, I mean, holding hands. Holding hands is a,

717
00:42:47,160 --> 00:42:50,962
is an intimacy for you and I, but it's also a

718
00:42:50,986 --> 00:42:54,514
public display of affection that some people dig and they look at the

719
00:42:54,522 --> 00:42:58,258
same way as kissing. Yeah. Now I wouldn't dare hold

720
00:42:58,314 --> 00:43:01,922
hands with somebody. Why not, baby? Because that is an intimacy

721
00:43:01,986 --> 00:43:05,042
that you and I have. Yeah. You know, now if

722
00:43:05,066 --> 00:43:08,194
it's a brief thing where like this person's sitting next to me

723
00:43:08,202 --> 00:43:11,186
and maybe they put their hand on my hand or whatever for. A short amount

724
00:43:11,218 --> 00:43:15,138
of time or dragging you away for a conversation,

725
00:43:15,314 --> 00:43:18,654
that's different. But walking, you know, walking.

726
00:43:18,782 --> 00:43:22,286
Say we're out of. Yeah. Or going to the, to the car or something.

727
00:43:22,358 --> 00:43:25,822
And you're, you're behind me with the husband and I'm in front with the

728
00:43:25,846 --> 00:43:28,894
wife and she grabs my hand and is holding my hand, like,

729
00:43:29,062 --> 00:43:32,462
uncomfortable. Yes. Not going to work for me. And it's uncomfortable for

730
00:43:32,486 --> 00:43:35,934
me because. Well, you're the only person that

731
00:43:35,942 --> 00:43:39,278
I do that with. Yeah. Just the same way as there's other intimacies that you're

732
00:43:39,294 --> 00:43:42,922
the only person that I do that. Right. Which is why poly was

733
00:43:42,946 --> 00:43:46,154
difficult. Yeah. But I guess that's,

734
00:43:46,202 --> 00:43:49,898
that's really what I'm curious about. In, in your opinion,

735
00:43:50,074 --> 00:43:52,390
does that change the dynamic at all?

736
00:43:53,970 --> 00:43:58,106
No, I don't think it changes the dynamic because we

737
00:43:58,178 --> 00:44:02,170
know that it's there just for the

738
00:44:02,210 --> 00:44:05,242
moment. Do you know what I mean? Like, it's not,

739
00:44:05,426 --> 00:44:08,730
it's not a, a long term type of thing,

740
00:44:08,770 --> 00:44:11,194
I guess, or. Do you know what I mean? Like, I don't know how to

741
00:44:11,282 --> 00:44:13,910
say that. Right. But yeah, it's in the moment. It's in the,

742
00:44:14,530 --> 00:44:17,750
it doesn't change the dynamic. Dynamic. It just,

743
00:44:18,370 --> 00:44:22,106
it's a, it's a blip. It's a blip. It's a blip.

744
00:44:22,218 --> 00:44:25,770
Now, and say that scenario that I just played out for you,

745
00:44:25,890 --> 00:44:28,890
you see that? What's your reaction? I,

746
00:44:28,930 --> 00:44:32,026
I, I'd probably be like, ooh, we don't, we don't do that.

747
00:44:32,098 --> 00:44:35,562
Yeah. We don't hold hands. Yeah, Sorry. Yeah. I'm the only hand he

748
00:44:35,586 --> 00:44:39,114
holds. Right. I'm very, I'm very upfront. Yeah. And forward.

749
00:44:39,202 --> 00:44:42,910
And it makes you uncomfortable. Oh, totally. Like, you don't like that

750
00:44:42,950 --> 00:44:45,582
because you don't Want her to feel like. I don't want to hurt feelings.

751
00:44:45,646 --> 00:44:49,438
I don't want. The same time, I don't want to make things uncomfortable either.

752
00:44:49,534 --> 00:44:53,198
Because you. Because you think of monogamy.

753
00:44:53,374 --> 00:44:57,102
That is why you have that thought. Because that's how you were raised.

754
00:44:57,166 --> 00:45:00,702
That's how your brain works. That's how it is. But this

755
00:45:00,726 --> 00:45:04,334
is not a. We're not here. We're not hurting feelings. But if

756
00:45:04,422 --> 00:45:07,890
no one knows our boundaries, our rules,

757
00:45:08,270 --> 00:45:12,118
they're gonna just. They're gonna just do what. What feels good to them.

758
00:45:12,254 --> 00:45:15,590
Okay. Right? So, like, I feel like swingers

759
00:45:15,670 --> 00:45:18,518
and adults if I tell you. Oh,

760
00:45:18,614 --> 00:45:22,230
sweetie, we don't. We don't hold hands. Like, I'm the only hand

761
00:45:22,270 --> 00:45:26,390
he holds. Yeah. But have fun. You can kiss him.

762
00:45:26,510 --> 00:45:29,286
You know what I mean? Like, I can do it in a very nice way.

763
00:45:29,358 --> 00:45:32,822
Sure. If they get their feelings hurt,

764
00:45:32,886 --> 00:45:36,196
I'm sorry and I apologize. I don't mean. I don't mean to hurt

765
00:45:36,228 --> 00:45:39,604
your feelings. I'm just letting you know because you don't know that's a. One of

766
00:45:39,612 --> 00:45:42,484
our boundaries. Yeah, it is one of our boundaries. Right,

767
00:45:42,572 --> 00:45:46,132
right. You know, like, it's in the. It's so. It doesn't change the

768
00:45:46,156 --> 00:45:49,444
dynamic. It just. It just. It just tells you you need

769
00:45:49,452 --> 00:45:52,836
to vocalize more. Yeah, for sure. Because people

770
00:45:52,908 --> 00:45:55,988
do not know your boundaries and rules.

771
00:45:56,164 --> 00:45:59,364
And we don't go to everybody and

772
00:45:59,372 --> 00:46:02,754
be like, okay, so we can't do that. Yeah. You know

773
00:46:02,762 --> 00:46:05,634
what I mean? It's like. It's a. It's in the moment.

774
00:46:05,682 --> 00:46:10,002
It is what it is. Right. You know, it's like sometimes

775
00:46:10,066 --> 00:46:13,666
boundaries and rules come up as they come up. Right. Like,

776
00:46:13,818 --> 00:46:16,962
we're like, oh, shit, I didn't even know I had to fricking say

777
00:46:16,986 --> 00:46:20,194
that. But okay, now it's something I'm going to have to say.

778
00:46:20,282 --> 00:46:23,186
Right? So you know what I mean? Like, yeah, it doesn't change the dynamic,

779
00:46:23,218 --> 00:46:26,306
but it has to be said if it's something that you don't

780
00:46:26,418 --> 00:46:30,038
do with others. Because, like, say someone's walking behind

781
00:46:30,094 --> 00:46:32,770
me, holding me from behind. No.

782
00:46:33,950 --> 00:46:36,614
I mean. No, I wouldn't have any issue.

783
00:46:36,702 --> 00:46:40,438
No, no, I would. Yeah. Yeah. I'd be like.

784
00:46:40,494 --> 00:46:44,102
And I. And if you did it, I'd be like, if you're hugging somebody

785
00:46:44,166 --> 00:46:47,254
really quick, but if you're walking the way you walk with me and you're kind

786
00:46:47,262 --> 00:46:50,566
of. If you're hugging somebody. I thought you meant hugging. No, if you're hugging

787
00:46:50,598 --> 00:46:53,286
somebody from behind, because we have friends that you kind of hug from behind,

788
00:46:53,358 --> 00:46:56,038
you're like, hey, girl. Right. Or whatever.

789
00:46:56,214 --> 00:46:59,686
That's different. Now, if you're holding me and we're

790
00:46:59,718 --> 00:47:02,454
walking and you're holding me the way you and I do it. Right, Right.

791
00:47:02,542 --> 00:47:06,278
No, I'd be like, oh, I'm glad. We'Re having this talk

792
00:47:06,334 --> 00:47:10,050
now, homie. Where else do you want me to start?

793
00:47:10,590 --> 00:47:14,090
Never discuss that. Yeah, just like our safe word.

794
00:47:14,510 --> 00:47:17,606
You know what? I. That's funny that you just gave to somebody.

795
00:47:17,638 --> 00:47:20,902
I'm like, hello. Oh, dude, I did. I totally gave that up.

796
00:47:20,926 --> 00:47:24,264
Now we're gonna have to change it. I know. We did. Did we? Yeah.

797
00:47:24,392 --> 00:47:28,184
I'll tell you what it is. You're always making these changes

798
00:47:28,232 --> 00:47:31,928
on me. I just got used to pineapple. It was pineapple, guys. You don't

799
00:47:31,944 --> 00:47:34,312
pay attention. Now I can say it because I let the cat out of the

800
00:47:34,336 --> 00:47:38,152
bag. Yes, but it was pineapple, apparently. I never knew.

801
00:47:38,296 --> 00:47:42,248
I just thought she liked. Our safe word is safe word. Our safeword

802
00:47:42,264 --> 00:47:46,344
is keep going. Oh, look at that. Yeah. So moving

803
00:47:46,392 --> 00:47:50,156
on, because that was the. That was the PDA portion of it. I. I'd actually

804
00:47:50,228 --> 00:47:54,972
like to hit up a little bit as far as emotional

805
00:47:55,036 --> 00:47:58,812
attachment. Give me some examples. I will absolutely give

806
00:47:58,836 --> 00:48:02,492
you some examples, because emotional attachment is

807
00:48:02,516 --> 00:48:05,004
a thing not for everybody, but for some, I guess. I don't know what that

808
00:48:05,012 --> 00:48:08,236
is. Or maybe I'm gonna get to it. Okay. Yeah, for sure. Okay,

809
00:48:08,428 --> 00:48:11,436
so we go back to this connecting thing. Okay.

810
00:48:11,468 --> 00:48:15,104
All right. All in a group message, et cetera, et cetera.

811
00:48:15,292 --> 00:48:18,568
And the four of us are talking in group

812
00:48:18,624 --> 00:48:22,296
message. But I am talking to the woman more.

813
00:48:22,368 --> 00:48:25,800
She's talking to me more. There's more of a connection there

814
00:48:25,840 --> 00:48:28,820
between her and I. At some point.

815
00:48:29,360 --> 00:48:32,600
There is an emotional attachment.

816
00:48:32,680 --> 00:48:37,208
And what I mean by that is not. Not a romantic attachment,

817
00:48:37,384 --> 00:48:40,940
but this person will feel maybe

818
00:48:41,540 --> 00:48:45,240
more trusting towards me or more.

819
00:48:45,860 --> 00:48:49,720
More feelings of being able to be open towards me

820
00:48:50,260 --> 00:48:53,040
because of conversations that we've had or whatever.

821
00:48:53,860 --> 00:48:57,996
There is a. More of an emotional attachment with me

822
00:48:58,148 --> 00:49:01,692
than there would be with you because of that. I guess

823
00:49:01,836 --> 00:49:04,764
whatever connection that we've had or whatever conversations we've had,

824
00:49:04,772 --> 00:49:08,484
etc. Etc. What, you know,

825
00:49:08,572 --> 00:49:12,200
as far as as that's concerned,

826
00:49:12,700 --> 00:49:16,404
what is your opinion on emotional attachment

827
00:49:16,452 --> 00:49:20,100
in the swinger lifestyle? Like, is there

828
00:49:20,140 --> 00:49:23,556
a place for it? Should it not be involved?

829
00:49:23,748 --> 00:49:27,412
You know, is it. Is it inappropriate to have an emotional

830
00:49:27,476 --> 00:49:30,740
attachment to somebody else's spouse? I think. I think

831
00:49:30,780 --> 00:49:34,526
there is. Yeah. I think if you're not comfortable enough

832
00:49:34,598 --> 00:49:37,806
to have that emotional talk

833
00:49:37,878 --> 00:49:41,182
with the couple because you're already having a

834
00:49:41,206 --> 00:49:44,718
conversation. That conversation shouldn't

835
00:49:44,734 --> 00:49:48,750
be going on. Something's missing. Something's missing. So like if

836
00:49:48,790 --> 00:49:52,078
we're in a group message and she's been chatting

837
00:49:52,094 --> 00:49:55,790
with you because her and her. Me and her husband just were

838
00:49:55,830 --> 00:49:59,352
busy. Right. And y'all are just talking more, which has happened.

839
00:49:59,416 --> 00:50:03,240
Yeah. And she finds. Oh, well, she can kind

840
00:50:03,280 --> 00:50:05,832
of. Do you mean like kind of go to the side and talk to you

841
00:50:05,856 --> 00:50:09,240
about a problem or something or. No, it's just

842
00:50:09,280 --> 00:50:12,536
emotional attachment. So like an example that I can.

843
00:50:12,608 --> 00:50:15,768
Real life example from. From a friend. You know,

844
00:50:15,824 --> 00:50:20,040
they had couple friend that they used

845
00:50:20,080 --> 00:50:23,984
to spend a lot of time with. They were all very close. And actually

846
00:50:24,112 --> 00:50:27,328
I've had this with a few different friends. I've heard this scenario a few different

847
00:50:27,384 --> 00:50:31,104
times where they get very close to this other couple. Okay.

848
00:50:31,232 --> 00:50:34,672
And they're spending time with each other.

849
00:50:34,776 --> 00:50:38,800
They go play often. Okay. They have group messages. They all

850
00:50:38,840 --> 00:50:42,544
kind of get close to each other. Yeah. And then

851
00:50:42,632 --> 00:50:46,624
that other couple maybe starts

852
00:50:46,752 --> 00:50:50,274
backing away. Maybe starts fizzling

853
00:50:50,322 --> 00:50:53,906
away from. From the. From the conversations.

854
00:50:54,018 --> 00:50:56,830
Maybe stops hanging out with them for whatever reason.

855
00:50:57,930 --> 00:51:01,858
It fizzles at some point after this long ride.

856
00:51:01,954 --> 00:51:05,698
Right. In a way, it almost feels like a breakup

857
00:51:05,874 --> 00:51:09,106
because you've had these people in your lives. They became friends,

858
00:51:09,178 --> 00:51:12,546
et cetera, et cetera. Like there was an emotional attachment there.

859
00:51:12,618 --> 00:51:16,082
I got you. And then they disappeared. So it's not necessarily always a one

860
00:51:16,106 --> 00:51:19,272
on one thing. The example that. The first example I gave was a one on

861
00:51:19,296 --> 00:51:22,952
one, but it's not always the case. It's just a.

862
00:51:23,056 --> 00:51:26,760
An emotional attachment you get attached to. You know, we have certain friends

863
00:51:26,800 --> 00:51:30,060
that we're kind of emotionally attached to. Yeah.

864
00:51:30,640 --> 00:51:34,312
I don't think it belongs. I don't think it belongs

865
00:51:34,376 --> 00:51:37,368
in the lifestyle. Emotional attachment. Yeah.

866
00:51:37,544 --> 00:51:41,288
Because you should. Of course,

867
00:51:41,344 --> 00:51:45,180
you want that one on one connection. But you're here for experiences.

868
00:51:45,550 --> 00:51:48,998
Well, I mean, people are here for different reasons. Well, if you're here

869
00:51:49,054 --> 00:51:53,062
for experiences. Right. Like I.

870
00:51:53,166 --> 00:51:57,494
I'm not here for experience. I don't want to just be attached to one couple.

871
00:51:57,622 --> 00:52:00,918
No, no, no, no. I don't think you're understanding. I guess

872
00:52:00,934 --> 00:52:04,294
not. It's not like you're dating the couple.

873
00:52:04,342 --> 00:52:07,638
You're not attached to one couple. I'm saying there's

874
00:52:07,654 --> 00:52:11,094
an emotional attachment between you and

875
00:52:11,182 --> 00:52:14,614
somebody else. You really like them and I

876
00:52:14,622 --> 00:52:18,054
don't. Want to share them. No, nobody said anything about sharing.

877
00:52:18,102 --> 00:52:22,198
Okay. It's an emotional attachment. When you talk

878
00:52:22,254 --> 00:52:25,814
to somebody, you get used to having them around. You spend a

879
00:52:25,822 --> 00:52:28,870
lot of time and. Then it starts fizzling. And then it starts fizzling.

880
00:52:29,030 --> 00:52:33,206
And are you able to just go, okay, well. Oh, well, peace out?

881
00:52:33,358 --> 00:52:37,250
Or do you feel like, oh, man, like, what the hell? Like, I really

882
00:52:37,640 --> 00:52:41,860
liked them. I was emotionally attached.

883
00:52:43,240 --> 00:52:46,832
I mean, I see where it can feel kind of

884
00:52:46,856 --> 00:52:50,416
heartbreaking. Yeah. I. I do see that. Because you spent

885
00:52:50,448 --> 00:52:53,440
so much time with them. Right. And you've kind of grown. Yes.

886
00:52:53,520 --> 00:52:57,100
So you got. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like

887
00:52:57,720 --> 00:53:00,752
I'm gonna have to agree. Yeah. It's. It's heartbreaking.

888
00:53:00,896 --> 00:53:04,334
It's hard. Yeah, it's hard. So my question is,

889
00:53:04,432 --> 00:53:08,306
now that we've figured out what emotional attachment is, my question

890
00:53:08,378 --> 00:53:11,634
is, how do you navigate emotional

891
00:53:11,682 --> 00:53:14,866
attachment in a swinger relationship?

892
00:53:14,978 --> 00:53:18,830
Oh, man. Like, you don't want to be

893
00:53:19,370 --> 00:53:23,186
standoffish, obviously. You don't

894
00:53:23,218 --> 00:53:26,722
want to just go out there and bang everybody you see without any kind

895
00:53:26,746 --> 00:53:30,530
of connection. I mean, you. You yourself, like a little bit of connection before

896
00:53:30,570 --> 00:53:33,940
you do the deed. Yeah. Me, I'm in this for

897
00:53:33,980 --> 00:53:37,284
connections. I like to have friends and that sort of thing. Yeah.

898
00:53:37,332 --> 00:53:40,532
And so when I connect with somebody, if it fizzles out or if

899
00:53:40,556 --> 00:53:43,732
they ghost me, they just disappear.

900
00:53:43,876 --> 00:53:47,268
Right. That is heartbreaking. For.

901
00:53:47,324 --> 00:53:50,500
For depending on who it is. For one of two

902
00:53:50,540 --> 00:53:54,708
reasons. Either it's heartbreaking because I really liked them, and it's

903
00:53:54,724 --> 00:53:58,420
a bummer that they're not around anymore. So that doesn't really. For me.

904
00:53:58,460 --> 00:54:01,552
That doesn't. That's okay for me.

905
00:54:01,736 --> 00:54:04,660
Like, really, if it fizzles. Dang.

906
00:54:05,000 --> 00:54:08,768
But okay. Yeah. I can move on. It affects me way more. It does.

907
00:54:08,824 --> 00:54:12,224
Yeah. Well, it used to. I've gotten better. Yeah. I don't let

908
00:54:12,232 --> 00:54:15,568
it affect 20, 25. Adam has changed. Yeah. God, I hope

909
00:54:15,624 --> 00:54:18,432
so. I don't know. You know what I mean? Like, that doesn't.

910
00:54:18,576 --> 00:54:22,140
Now. That doesn't. That doesn't bother me.

911
00:54:22,600 --> 00:54:26,534
When I see it fizzle for me,

912
00:54:26,702 --> 00:54:29,750
and it doesn't fizzle for you. Yeah.

913
00:54:29,910 --> 00:54:33,110
That bothers me. Why does that make sense? Why?

914
00:54:33,230 --> 00:54:36,902
Because if you're in it for a connection,

915
00:54:37,046 --> 00:54:40,070
why? You know, like, you and I are very different.

916
00:54:40,190 --> 00:54:43,910
Yeah. But we're also very sweet and very kind

917
00:54:43,950 --> 00:54:46,250
and very understanding, both equally.

918
00:54:47,710 --> 00:54:50,584
That. That I kind of find, like, oh,

919
00:54:50,782 --> 00:54:54,240
dang, what did I say? What did I do?

920
00:54:54,540 --> 00:54:58,292
That bothers me? I'm like, okay, well, you found. You still find a.

921
00:54:58,316 --> 00:55:01,716
You still find the connection here. What happened

922
00:55:01,748 --> 00:55:05,440
here? That would make. That would make me feel

923
00:55:05,820 --> 00:55:08,900
like, oh, that sucks. That would

924
00:55:08,940 --> 00:55:12,932
hurt me more or hurt my feelings more than if

925
00:55:13,116 --> 00:55:16,324
we both just. That conversation

926
00:55:16,372 --> 00:55:19,874
or that person Just if. They met

927
00:55:19,972 --> 00:55:23,350
us, but eventually it fizzled out with

928
00:55:23,390 --> 00:55:26,838
you and they stayed strong with me. That would hurt your feelings. That would hurt

929
00:55:26,854 --> 00:55:29,730
my feelings. Why? Yeah, I'd be like.

930
00:55:30,670 --> 00:55:34,694
But the whole idea of, like, that. Attachment would hurt my

931
00:55:34,702 --> 00:55:38,262
feelings. So say there was just no vibe between the

932
00:55:38,286 --> 00:55:42,038
two of y'all. But there was a vibe between her and I in that

933
00:55:42,094 --> 00:55:45,046
situation. Because it's fizzling on your end.

934
00:55:45,118 --> 00:55:47,420
Should I push them away?

935
00:55:49,400 --> 00:55:52,496
No, but I feel like you would be like,

936
00:55:52,568 --> 00:55:56,432
oh, you are just. You're all about me, so you

937
00:55:56,456 --> 00:55:59,264
would probably wonder. You'd probably be like,

938
00:55:59,432 --> 00:56:02,944
huh? But people don't vibe with you the way they vibe with me. There's.

939
00:56:02,992 --> 00:56:06,192
We are different people. Yeah. So there's people that vibe with

940
00:56:06,216 --> 00:56:09,648
you that don't vibe with me, and there's people that vibe with me that don't

941
00:56:09,664 --> 00:56:13,568
vibe with you. And this. This whole thing is. I think we've mentioned

942
00:56:13,584 --> 00:56:17,910
it on a different episode before, where it's that it's the whole being

943
00:56:17,950 --> 00:56:21,302
able to connect and vibe. Not everybody has it. And if

944
00:56:21,326 --> 00:56:24,070
you don't have that vibe, you're not going to want to play. Yeah, no,

945
00:56:24,110 --> 00:56:27,350
I'm definitely not going to want to be. You can definitely still talk to them,

946
00:56:27,390 --> 00:56:30,758
be friends with them. Yeah. You know, like, that's probably all it's

947
00:56:30,774 --> 00:56:35,094
going to happen. Like, nothing else would happen. Because if you can't vibe with

948
00:56:35,182 --> 00:56:38,662
us, with me, there has to be

949
00:56:38,686 --> 00:56:41,654
a reason. Do you know what I mean? So, like, that little. There has to

950
00:56:41,662 --> 00:56:44,882
be. Well, no, not everybody gets along with you. Oh, well, no,

951
00:56:44,906 --> 00:56:48,402
that's fine. But, I mean, it's just your personality. There's nothing wrong with you,

952
00:56:48,506 --> 00:56:52,194
and there's no contention between y'all. But some people

953
00:56:52,282 --> 00:56:55,682
just don't vibe. There's some really nice people that we have met.

954
00:56:55,786 --> 00:56:59,026
Yeah. I did not have a single vibe with. I didn't.

955
00:56:59,058 --> 00:57:02,354
I couldn't relate to them. Right. I didn't find them interesting.

956
00:57:02,402 --> 00:57:05,954
I'm sure they didn't find me interesting. We just did not vibe.

957
00:57:06,002 --> 00:57:09,390
Yeah, but you're saying, like, if we have, like, you're saying, like, if we have

958
00:57:10,010 --> 00:57:12,946
a friendship and then it starts to fizzle.

959
00:57:13,058 --> 00:57:16,002
Negative. No, no, no. That's not what I'm saying. Or, like, what did you say?

960
00:57:16,026 --> 00:57:19,346
And it's not attachment, but it was. Like, an emotional attachment.

961
00:57:19,378 --> 00:57:22,978
An emotional attachment. Yeah. Right. And we both have it,

962
00:57:23,114 --> 00:57:26,626
and we're both, like, talking to this couple or whatever,

963
00:57:26,818 --> 00:57:29,970
and I wouldn't care if it fizzled.

964
00:57:30,050 --> 00:57:33,506
It wouldn't hurt my feelings so much if it Fizzled completely.

965
00:57:33,618 --> 00:57:36,928
Okay. But it would hurt my feelings if I still

966
00:57:36,984 --> 00:57:40,140
knew you were still chatting with her.

967
00:57:40,600 --> 00:57:41,820
I'd be like,

968
00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:45,712
yeah, that's probably all that's going to happen,

969
00:57:45,816 --> 00:57:49,056
because for some reason this didn't work.

970
00:57:49,128 --> 00:57:52,560
Well, that's. That's not going to work. Do you know what I mean? Like,

971
00:57:52,600 --> 00:57:55,760
that. That would hurt my feelings. That, that I would feel

972
00:57:55,800 --> 00:57:59,120
like, okay, and because you love

973
00:57:59,160 --> 00:58:02,800
me, you're so freaking all about me, you would probably see

974
00:58:02,840 --> 00:58:06,534
that and be like, oh, yeah, I don't. I don't really understand

975
00:58:06,622 --> 00:58:10,038
why people don't like you. Because I love you.

976
00:58:10,094 --> 00:58:13,558
And, and I. And I Even looking at it from. Well, it's not people

977
00:58:13,614 --> 00:58:16,822
here. It was people back in. Back in. Back in the day. Back in the

978
00:58:16,846 --> 00:58:21,014
day didn't like me because those were. Those were

979
00:58:21,182 --> 00:58:24,902
honestly just dumb little insecure women.

980
00:58:25,006 --> 00:58:28,710
Right. Period. Right. Sure. You know, I feel like the people that we

981
00:58:28,750 --> 00:58:32,120
hang out with, the people that we talk to are very mature.

982
00:58:32,280 --> 00:58:36,072
It's a different understanding. It's a very different understanding. They're very mature.

983
00:58:36,136 --> 00:58:39,780
They're very pretty, much like me, very open.

984
00:58:40,080 --> 00:58:43,592
And that's why. That's why I found a

985
00:58:43,616 --> 00:58:47,464
group of people, women and men, that get me.

986
00:58:47,552 --> 00:58:51,224
Yeah. You know, it's nobody time ever. Nobody not likes me in

987
00:58:51,232 --> 00:58:55,144
the groups that we're in. Right. And if they do, you. And I probably don't

988
00:58:55,192 --> 00:58:57,898
like them. Do you know what I mean? Like, it just comes from that.

989
00:58:58,024 --> 00:59:02,118
Yeah. I'm a. I am a very strong personality. If I.

990
00:59:02,254 --> 00:59:06,758
If I don't like you, you're gonna know. And. Well, some. Some strong personalities

991
00:59:06,854 --> 00:59:10,134
don't take well to other strong. Yeah. Yeah.

992
00:59:10,182 --> 00:59:14,262
And so that's. That's another reason why maybe somebody wouldn't vibe with

993
00:59:14,286 --> 00:59:17,702
you because they're an. I haven't found that strong personality

994
00:59:17,766 --> 00:59:21,478
and you're a strong personality. And maybe there's just. Maybe it's just too much.

995
00:59:21,534 --> 00:59:24,290
Yeah. I haven't found that here. And the people who,

996
00:59:24,730 --> 00:59:28,098
who don't really chat with me, I'm cool with because

997
00:59:28,154 --> 00:59:31,362
I probably don't want to chat with them. Like, I just. I don't know.

998
00:59:31,386 --> 00:59:34,594
I get those vibes. But. Yeah. No, I. If I had an emotional attachment,

999
00:59:34,642 --> 00:59:38,450
I feel like if it fizzled, if it started with us

1000
00:59:38,570 --> 00:59:42,430
and then it only is one of us,

1001
00:59:43,050 --> 00:59:46,482
I'd feel crappy. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? I'd feel like,

1002
00:59:46,666 --> 00:59:49,266
okay, red flag,

1003
00:59:49,458 --> 00:59:53,212
obviously, because, yeah, I'm not.

1004
00:59:53,316 --> 00:59:55,964
I'm a different kind of personality than you.

1005
00:59:56,132 --> 00:59:59,640
But you've made. You've made this work,

1006
01:00:00,020 --> 01:00:04,060
Me and you. Yeah, absolutely. If they fizzled

1007
01:00:04,220 --> 01:00:07,324
and they didn't make this work with me, there's.

1008
01:00:07,372 --> 01:00:10,748
Yeah, they hold part of the accountability. Yeah, for sure. Like, it's not.

1009
01:00:10,804 --> 01:00:14,092
It's not only me. Right, Right. Yeah. No, I agree. I like that you

1010
01:00:14,116 --> 01:00:17,162
said that. What? They hold some

1011
01:00:17,186 --> 01:00:20,586
of the accountability. No, it would not. It would not be all you. Obviously,

1012
01:00:20,698 --> 01:00:24,922
if it fizzled out, it would. It would be whatever

1013
01:00:24,986 --> 01:00:28,362
reason or excuse they're looking for as far as

1014
01:00:28,466 --> 01:00:32,186
this isn't working between us. Yeah. They would hold

1015
01:00:32,258 --> 01:00:35,850
part of that responsibility because, frankly, if you really

1016
01:00:35,890 --> 01:00:40,010
interested in somebody, you're gonna accept them for who they are.

1017
01:00:40,050 --> 01:00:43,898
And maybe things that you don't agree with. Yeah. You're still gonna accept

1018
01:00:43,954 --> 01:00:47,360
them. Yeah. And you're gonna work through it, you. Know, and you're real good

1019
01:00:47,400 --> 01:00:50,880
about that. Like, you. If you

1020
01:00:50,920 --> 01:00:53,600
had that kind of attachment, you'd probably be like,

1021
01:00:53,640 --> 01:00:58,220
oh, yeah, no. I. I have really, really great friends.

1022
01:00:58,680 --> 01:01:01,888
And while we agree on a

1023
01:01:01,944 --> 01:01:05,120
lot of stuff, there are things that we do not agree on.

1024
01:01:05,160 --> 01:01:08,480
Yeah. And when that comes out, it's like,

1025
01:01:08,520 --> 01:01:12,288
ugh, okay. But that's okay. I still love you.

1026
01:01:12,344 --> 01:01:14,944
Yeah. We're still going to be friends. Yes. You know what I mean? Yeah.

1027
01:01:14,992 --> 01:01:18,574
Like, it's just one of those things. There's. There's some things that you just.

1028
01:01:18,742 --> 01:01:21,870
If you really want that person in your life, you're gonna overlook.

1029
01:01:22,030 --> 01:01:25,822
Right? Yeah. Or you're just gonna kind of push to the side and go,

1030
01:01:25,926 --> 01:01:29,710
this is not a real big deal. Yeah, we can overlook this.

1031
01:01:29,830 --> 01:01:32,974
You know, so if it. If it really,

1032
01:01:33,062 --> 01:01:36,750
really. If you sit back and go, yeah, I'm just not vibing with

1033
01:01:36,790 --> 01:01:40,206
you, and we've met up three or four times, and I just don't

1034
01:01:40,238 --> 01:01:43,810
feel any kind of connection there. This is not happening.

1035
01:01:44,140 --> 01:01:47,220
You know, I would assume that maybe they just didn't give you a chance as

1036
01:01:47,260 --> 01:01:50,644
much, you know? And I feel like a lot of the times when things like

1037
01:01:50,652 --> 01:01:52,964
that have come up, I remember telling you a lot of times, I don't think

1038
01:01:52,972 --> 01:01:56,480
they've really given you a chance because this.

1039
01:01:56,860 --> 01:02:00,276
Only recently have you become more out,

1040
01:02:00,428 --> 01:02:04,324
not outspoken, more outgoing, I should say

1041
01:02:04,492 --> 01:02:07,748
more social than you have been in the past. Right.

1042
01:02:07,884 --> 01:02:11,364
And so you're really making an effort to get to know people

1043
01:02:11,452 --> 01:02:15,130
and to have them get to know you. If they don't like you,

1044
01:02:15,170 --> 01:02:18,138
then they didn't really give you a chance to get to know you. Yeah.

1045
01:02:18,234 --> 01:02:21,722
And that. But that's the way I feel about a lot of people in the

1046
01:02:21,746 --> 01:02:25,562
lifestyle where people will Meet them very briefly and

1047
01:02:25,586 --> 01:02:28,842
go, I didn't care for them. And it's like, well, did you really give

1048
01:02:28,866 --> 01:02:31,946
him a shot? Yeah, like. And I think I've told you that a few times.

1049
01:02:32,018 --> 01:02:35,002
And I told. And I've told you that I'm like, well, let's go out one

1050
01:02:35,026 --> 01:02:38,602
more time with them. Let's, let's try this again. Because maybe we were

1051
01:02:38,626 --> 01:02:42,056
having a bad day or something was up.

1052
01:02:42,128 --> 01:02:45,352
Like people have sometimes. Sometimes it still

1053
01:02:45,376 --> 01:02:48,968
comes to bite us in the. Yes. Like there, there was one

1054
01:02:49,024 --> 01:02:52,008
specific couple that we met a few years back. Yeah.

1055
01:02:52,104 --> 01:02:56,120
And we loved her. Yes. And he didn't like

1056
01:02:56,160 --> 01:02:59,864
him. No. He was a major, major douchebag.

1057
01:02:59,912 --> 01:03:03,240
Yes. Yes. And I hate to say that, but it's true.

1058
01:03:03,320 --> 01:03:06,072
He came off as a major douchebag. And I remember the first time we met,

1059
01:03:06,096 --> 01:03:09,894
we were like, I, I told you, I, I just don't like him. And I,

1060
01:03:09,982 --> 01:03:13,446
and I like everybody. So for me to say I don't like him, that was

1061
01:03:13,518 --> 01:03:17,814
pretty bad. But we loved her.

1062
01:03:17,982 --> 01:03:21,430
Right. And so I was like, you know, I'm willing to

1063
01:03:21,470 --> 01:03:24,870
put up with him to enjoy her.

1064
01:03:24,910 --> 01:03:28,342
As a friend. Yeah, as a friend. And her. And I became. And so I

1065
01:03:28,366 --> 01:03:31,942
took him up as a friend. Yeah. Even though our personalities

1066
01:03:32,006 --> 01:03:35,318
did not mesh. No. We had nothing to talk about.

1067
01:03:35,454 --> 01:03:38,658
No. You know, I, I, I, I did.

1068
01:03:38,714 --> 01:03:42,498
Different, kind of different lives. Very, very different people. Very different

1069
01:03:42,554 --> 01:03:46,210
people and different values. Yeah. She was more down to earth, but,

1070
01:03:46,250 --> 01:03:49,538
yeah. Very different people. Yeah. And that

1071
01:03:49,594 --> 01:03:53,026
one has, funny enough, come to bite

1072
01:03:53,058 --> 01:03:56,130
us in the ass because, you know, we, we didn't care for him. And,

1073
01:03:56,170 --> 01:03:59,602
and, and it turns out that our initial feelings were.

1074
01:03:59,626 --> 01:04:03,074
Right. He was not a good person. Right. Did some bad things.

1075
01:04:03,162 --> 01:04:06,230
Right. So that was a situation where we were like,

1076
01:04:06,350 --> 01:04:09,494
okay, let's go ahead and, and, and overlook

1077
01:04:09,542 --> 01:04:13,770
this. And the initial feelings were correct.

1078
01:04:14,190 --> 01:04:17,638
And sometimes you just have to. You take it with it.

1079
01:04:17,694 --> 01:04:20,934
You take it as it comes, you know, I guess that's just how it goes.

1080
01:04:20,982 --> 01:04:24,166
It is what it is, man. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah,

1081
01:04:24,198 --> 01:04:28,486
I always found that kind of interesting, but, you know, it's realistically regarding

1082
01:04:28,518 --> 01:04:32,138
emotional attachment in that specific example.

1083
01:04:32,234 --> 01:04:35,274
Yeah. We are very emotionally attached to her. Yes.

1084
01:04:35,322 --> 01:04:39,338
And we were. Yeah. And still are. Yeah. Not with him.

1085
01:04:39,394 --> 01:04:43,450
No. Never happened. No. Still. And, and, you know,

1086
01:04:43,570 --> 01:04:45,802
it's, it's just one of those things. I could take him or leave him.

1087
01:04:45,826 --> 01:04:48,762
Yeah. He's out. Yeah. Peace out. Yeah. You know, but I mean,

1088
01:04:48,786 --> 01:04:52,442
if she left, we would be like, dude, that sucks.

1089
01:04:52,506 --> 01:04:55,594
Yeah. Please don't. Yeah. You Know exactly. Yeah.

1090
01:04:55,722 --> 01:05:00,020
So, I mean, I guess it depends on the level of

1091
01:05:00,560 --> 01:05:04,472
emotional attachment. Yeah. Like, I understand what

1092
01:05:04,496 --> 01:05:07,592
you mean by. If you spend a lot of time with them and,

1093
01:05:07,696 --> 01:05:11,176
you know, y'all have played several times, and it doesn't even. Come down to play

1094
01:05:11,248 --> 01:05:14,952
or not even playing. Yeah. Because we have. With that particular one. I mean.

1095
01:05:15,056 --> 01:05:18,872
Yeah, for sure. You are very, very. You particularly are

1096
01:05:18,896 --> 01:05:21,752
very tight with this person. I'm very tight with it. And there is a good

1097
01:05:21,856 --> 01:05:25,264
emotional attack. There is. And if she were to be gone, I would be sad.

1098
01:05:25,352 --> 01:05:29,040
Yes. Yeah. And that's exactly what I'm talking about. It's situations like that.

1099
01:05:29,080 --> 01:05:33,136
Yeah. Where you develop that emotional. So I guess it's situational.

1100
01:05:33,248 --> 01:05:35,744
It is. It is emotional attachment.

1101
01:05:35,872 --> 01:05:39,296
Situational. I like that. Oh, my God. Situational. We're gonna

1102
01:05:39,328 --> 01:05:42,848
throw situational into everything now.

1103
01:05:42,984 --> 01:05:45,820
We're gonna have an omelette situational tomorrow, too.

1104
01:05:47,160 --> 01:05:50,460
Sounds really good. Now, I'm curious. In your experience,

1105
01:05:51,090 --> 01:05:54,490
is there a difference between physical connection and emotional

1106
01:05:54,570 --> 01:05:58,394
connection when it comes to the lifestyle? Yes. Really?

1107
01:05:58,482 --> 01:06:02,074
Yeah. Explain, please. I want you to explain this. You want me to explain?

1108
01:06:02,202 --> 01:06:05,786
You ask yourself this question. Because you ask me all the questions,

1109
01:06:05,898 --> 01:06:09,130
and sometimes I feel like I'm just in this on the spot. So now you

1110
01:06:09,170 --> 01:06:12,746
answer that question. You want. Oh, my goodness. You answer that question,

1111
01:06:12,818 --> 01:06:16,314
and I'm gonna be. You go ahead. You're. Hey, I don't. I don't look at

1112
01:06:16,322 --> 01:06:20,190
you like that. That's all I'm saying. The daggers. In my experience,

1113
01:06:20,970 --> 01:06:24,882
is there a difference between physical connection and emotional

1114
01:06:24,946 --> 01:06:27,122
connection when it comes to the lifestyle?

1115
01:06:27,266 --> 01:06:31,030
Absolutely. Physical connection

1116
01:06:31,850 --> 01:06:35,266
really is just that. It is sex, and it's

1117
01:06:35,298 --> 01:06:38,850
good sex. Yes. There's a good physical connection. It's good sex.

1118
01:06:38,970 --> 01:06:42,466
Now, I know people that have based relationships off of good sex,

1119
01:06:42,618 --> 01:06:45,920
bad relationships, but good sex.

1120
01:06:46,460 --> 01:06:48,516
Now, I think,

1121
01:06:48,668 --> 01:06:52,400
personally, you need a balance between the two

1122
01:06:52,700 --> 01:06:56,100
for it to be right. Okay. And that's not just in

1123
01:06:56,140 --> 01:06:59,668
relationships, like romantic relationships. I think that as.

1124
01:06:59,724 --> 01:07:03,460
As applies to the. The lifestyle. You need to be.

1125
01:07:03,580 --> 01:07:07,348
You need to have that physical connection as well as that emotional connection.

1126
01:07:07,444 --> 01:07:10,930
Yeah. You need to like the person that you're having sex with.

1127
01:07:11,060 --> 01:07:14,102
You need to know the person that you're having sex with. Okay.

1128
01:07:14,166 --> 01:07:17,478
You need to feel something enough to want

1129
01:07:17,534 --> 01:07:21,494
to pleasure them. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yes. That takes

1130
01:07:21,542 --> 01:07:24,854
emotional connection. Yeah. I'm gonna agree with you.

1131
01:07:24,942 --> 01:07:28,690
You have to feel. I did have to. I did have to.

1132
01:07:29,310 --> 01:07:32,694
A lot of talking to you and a lot of

1133
01:07:32,862 --> 01:07:36,166
my little podcasts and other things. That I read and listen to.

1134
01:07:36,318 --> 01:07:40,070
I had to understand that an emotional connection is not

1135
01:07:40,110 --> 01:07:43,362
a romantic. There's a big difference connection. Because that

1136
01:07:43,386 --> 01:07:46,514
was my issue. Yeah. Was like, all right, dude,

1137
01:07:46,562 --> 01:07:50,146
you're getting too romantic. And you're like, no, it's not.

1138
01:07:50,218 --> 01:07:53,714
It's not romantic. It's this. Right. You know,

1139
01:07:53,882 --> 01:07:56,990
I am a little different. I.

1140
01:07:57,850 --> 01:08:01,470
I'm a cold bitch. I do not get

1141
01:08:01,770 --> 01:08:06,546
emotionally attached to people

1142
01:08:06,618 --> 01:08:09,906
I play with. I guess you can say that. You know, if I.

1143
01:08:09,978 --> 01:08:14,030
If I reflect back on when we first started in the lifestyle, for many years,

1144
01:08:14,380 --> 01:08:17,748
you would disconnect yourself. Yeah. When we would.

1145
01:08:17,804 --> 01:08:20,900
Yeah. So I don't disconnect myself anymore because I found that I

1146
01:08:20,940 --> 01:08:24,116
connect and I enjoy it right now. I don't

1147
01:08:24,148 --> 01:08:27,044
get emotionally connected.

1148
01:08:27,172 --> 01:08:30,612
Like, I'm cool with you.

1149
01:08:30,636 --> 01:08:33,892
Like me. I like you. All right.

1150
01:08:33,996 --> 01:08:37,604
That. You know, if we continue talking after we've.

1151
01:08:37,652 --> 01:08:41,890
Whatever. Great. But I don't get emotionally

1152
01:08:42,050 --> 01:08:44,830
connected. I don't. I don't. I don't do that.

1153
01:08:46,010 --> 01:08:48,830
And I mean, I don't know. See, and I do.

1154
01:08:49,210 --> 01:08:53,266
One of the things that I do when I have sex. I'm very passionate

1155
01:08:53,298 --> 01:08:57,026
when I have sex. Yeah. I can't be passionate about a person I don't

1156
01:08:57,138 --> 01:09:00,386
know. Does that make sense if I don't know them?

1157
01:09:00,458 --> 01:09:03,986
I can't be passionate about this. I can't be passionate about this. I can.

1158
01:09:04,058 --> 01:09:08,236
I'm going through the motions. I don't really care whether they're enjoying

1159
01:09:08,268 --> 01:09:10,780
it or not. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? That's why I don't have sex

1160
01:09:10,820 --> 01:09:14,588
with strangers. I mean. Well, we don't have sex with strangers,

1161
01:09:14,604 --> 01:09:18,120
but I can definitely. I can still have.

1162
01:09:18,580 --> 01:09:21,640
You've had sex with strangers? Well, I mean,

1163
01:09:21,940 --> 01:09:25,692
I can still have. And you've had sex with strangers. I have

1164
01:09:25,716 --> 01:09:29,292
not. Yes, you have. I've known the people that I've slept with. I can

1165
01:09:29,316 --> 01:09:33,326
tell you every single person that I've slept with. I've at least had one

1166
01:09:33,398 --> 01:09:36,650
full, so night of conversation. So, like,

1167
01:09:37,190 --> 01:09:40,446
I don't get emotionally connected. Like, I'm cool

1168
01:09:40,478 --> 01:09:44,110
with the whole. Let's do this. Yeah. Hit it and quit it.

1169
01:09:44,150 --> 01:09:47,326
Yeah. Wham, bam, thank you. Like me or you don't. Let's do this.

1170
01:09:47,398 --> 01:09:51,230
You know? Yeah. Now, if we keep having conversations. Whatever. I still

1171
01:09:51,270 --> 01:09:55,134
don't get that, like, emotionally connected. Like, that's just me.

1172
01:09:55,302 --> 01:09:58,952
You don't ever get emotionally connected with anybody. I mean,

1173
01:09:59,056 --> 01:10:03,048
I do with friends. With friends. Obviously with friends.

1174
01:10:03,104 --> 01:10:06,856
That's. They're not friends. If you're not emotionally connected I mean, so that doesn't

1175
01:10:06,888 --> 01:10:10,200
make any sense. If you're getting emotionally connected,

1176
01:10:10,280 --> 01:10:13,912
you're making friends out of them. So you can't say you don't get emotionally connected.

1177
01:10:13,976 --> 01:10:17,528
You just said with friends, obviously, they're not friends.

1178
01:10:17,584 --> 01:10:20,792
You can't be friends with somebody and not be emotionally connected to

1179
01:10:20,816 --> 01:10:24,172
them. Right. Okay. So, yeah, I do.

1180
01:10:24,336 --> 01:10:27,780
I get emotionally connected. Well, man, you just

1181
01:10:27,820 --> 01:10:31,060
throwing me for loose. I cannot figure you out for the.

1182
01:10:31,180 --> 01:10:34,404
You see, and this is why we're married and I have to learn

1183
01:10:34,452 --> 01:10:37,812
how to speak your language. Yes. Because you just told me.

1184
01:10:37,836 --> 01:10:40,560
Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. I mean, I don't get.

1185
01:10:40,940 --> 01:10:44,516
So, like. Okay, so say you're. Say you've

1186
01:10:44,548 --> 01:10:48,740
met somebody. Right. And you're saying you

1187
01:10:48,780 --> 01:10:52,646
cannot get. You don't get. No, you do get emotionally

1188
01:10:52,678 --> 01:10:56,006
connected to somebody by, like, talking to them and getting,

1189
01:10:56,078 --> 01:10:59,222
like, getting to know them. Right. And then you have sex with them, and it

1190
01:10:59,246 --> 01:11:03,170
gets really passionate. Yeah. Right. And that's because I want. I want to please.

1191
01:11:03,550 --> 01:11:07,010
Like that. Yes. Yeah. You and I are very different in that

1192
01:11:07,310 --> 01:11:11,270
I. I can go through the motions. Going through the motion, and I can.

1193
01:11:11,310 --> 01:11:14,902
Still be passionate even though I'm going through the

1194
01:11:14,926 --> 01:11:18,080
motions. That's interesting. Yeah. I can't do that.

1195
01:11:18,200 --> 01:11:21,904
You've seen me. Yeah, no, I have. It's impressive. Passionate. It's also

1196
01:11:21,992 --> 01:11:25,584
like you've. You've faked things and. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? I can't.

1197
01:11:25,632 --> 01:11:29,392
I can't. I'm not good at faking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not good at faking.

1198
01:11:29,456 --> 01:11:32,960
I can't. Like, either you get the genuine, real me

1199
01:11:33,000 --> 01:11:37,568
or you don't get me. Yeah. I can't be something

1200
01:11:37,624 --> 01:11:41,068
other than what I am. And if there's somebody.

1201
01:11:41,184 --> 01:11:44,996
I will say it's easier for women. Is it? Uhhuh. Why is that?

1202
01:11:45,068 --> 01:11:48,212
Well, I mean, you don't have to get hard. No. It's easier for women.

1203
01:11:48,316 --> 01:11:51,572
And I mean, maybe there's women that really need that kind

1204
01:11:51,596 --> 01:11:55,060
of attachment or kind of feeling, you know? Yeah.

1205
01:11:55,220 --> 01:11:58,932
And I'm sure there are. I am not that woman,

1206
01:11:59,116 --> 01:12:02,100
so. Yeah. Wow. Wow.

1207
01:12:02,260 --> 01:12:05,908
Okay. Well, this was a really interesting conversation.

1208
01:12:06,004 --> 01:12:09,196
All over. It went all over. It went all over. And I'm sorry

1209
01:12:09,228 --> 01:12:12,284
to everybody out there. We. It's. It's a very.

1210
01:12:12,372 --> 01:12:15,772
Adam gets very passionate. I do. Well, you know, I get passionate when you're not

1211
01:12:15,796 --> 01:12:19,356
understanding me, for one thing, and then I get passionate at the fact that,

1212
01:12:19,428 --> 01:12:22,460
you know, you. You say one thing, and then you change it minutes later,

1213
01:12:22,500 --> 01:12:26,652
and that's the Hard part for me, because you make

1214
01:12:26,836 --> 01:12:30,028
the rules that I follow in this lifestyle.

1215
01:12:30,204 --> 01:12:33,746
And if you cannot figure out if it's a yes or a no,

1216
01:12:33,868 --> 01:12:37,094
and you're going back and forth between yes and no, you know what? You're screwing

1217
01:12:37,142 --> 01:12:41,222
with me. You understand what I'm saying? You're screwing with me

1218
01:12:41,326 --> 01:12:44,550
because I can't. I don't know what's good for me to do and

1219
01:12:44,590 --> 01:12:48,198
what's not good for me to do. So then I go out there,

1220
01:12:48,334 --> 01:12:51,830
and you're like, you can. You can kiss her.

1221
01:12:51,870 --> 01:12:55,062
And I'm like, are you sure? Yeah, we've already crossed that bridge.

1222
01:12:55,126 --> 01:12:57,654
No, but I'm using it as an exam. I was like, we've already crossed all

1223
01:12:57,662 --> 01:13:01,110
the. No, we haven't. There's. There's still stuff that I could bring

1224
01:13:01,150 --> 01:13:04,074
up right now that just recently happened. Yeah.

1225
01:13:04,202 --> 01:13:07,866
That is problematic. And I haven't

1226
01:13:07,898 --> 01:13:11,194
gotten a straight answer because it's a yes one minute and it's a no the

1227
01:13:11,202 --> 01:13:14,874
next minute. Yeah. I don't know how to

1228
01:13:15,042 --> 01:13:18,858
go about my day in the lifestyle. If you can't

1229
01:13:18,954 --> 01:13:22,538
severely say this is a yes or

1230
01:13:22,594 --> 01:13:26,070
this is a no. I mean, I can. It's the.

1231
01:13:26,610 --> 01:13:29,770
You. You want to know. I can't just say because I say

1232
01:13:29,810 --> 01:13:33,268
so. No, you cannot. That does not. So it doesn't work for you. And it's

1233
01:13:33,284 --> 01:13:36,692
like, okay, well, now let me find. Let me figure this out. Let me find

1234
01:13:36,716 --> 01:13:39,828
the word you have to figure out. And then I just give up. And I'm

1235
01:13:39,844 --> 01:13:43,412
like, whatever. But because realistically,

1236
01:13:43,476 --> 01:13:46,868
if you don't like something, you can't just sit back and go, well, it's.

1237
01:13:46,884 --> 01:13:49,540
Because I just don't like it. Yeah. It makes me feel. You need to.

1238
01:13:49,580 --> 01:13:52,052
It makes me feel a certain way. And it's like, why does it make you

1239
01:13:52,076 --> 01:13:54,644
feel that way? And I'm like, I don't know. It just makes me feel uncomfortable.

1240
01:13:54,692 --> 01:13:57,278
But you have been able to come up with the answer on a few things

1241
01:13:57,334 --> 01:14:01,630
where you're like, well, this is why it makes me feel like

1242
01:14:01,750 --> 01:14:05,678
this. Yeah. And then once I understand, I'm like, okay, great. No problem.

1243
01:14:05,814 --> 01:14:09,326
Yeah. But if you can't tell me why the answer is no,

1244
01:14:09,478 --> 01:14:13,166
then all I know is, is my wife is telling me no because

1245
01:14:13,238 --> 01:14:16,974
she wants to control me. Because she said so.

1246
01:14:17,062 --> 01:14:21,170
I'm sorry, but you're not my parent. You're my wife.

1247
01:14:21,600 --> 01:14:25,624
And because of that, because I said so

1248
01:14:25,792 --> 01:14:29,144
does not work for me. You either. If you want me to follow

1249
01:14:29,232 --> 01:14:32,312
this rule, you need to give me a reason why we have it as a

1250
01:14:32,336 --> 01:14:35,380
rule. And if you can't give me a reason why,

1251
01:14:35,840 --> 01:14:39,272
then I don't understand why we have it as a rule. Right. You know,

1252
01:14:39,296 --> 01:14:42,888
I mean, it's just one of those things. So that's the hard part about it.

1253
01:14:43,024 --> 01:14:46,552
But we get it figured out. It'll come around at

1254
01:14:46,576 --> 01:14:50,040
some point, who knows? But with that,

1255
01:14:50,080 --> 01:14:53,448
we're going to go ahead and take. Take it off for the rest of the

1256
01:14:53,504 --> 01:14:57,368
week. We hope that you have a wonderful week and we'll

1257
01:14:57,384 --> 01:14:58,456
see you next week.