S1 E10 Unveiling Our Five-year Polyamory Journey

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This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. We explore topics

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surrounding sexuality, intimate relationships, and related subjects

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in an open and candid manner. Please be advised that we are not

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comfortable with this content, we invite you to settle in and enjoy the show.

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Hello and welcome to another episode of Beyond Monogamy.

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I'm Adam. And I'm Pris. And today we are having

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a discussion that we have yet to bring up.

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We do tout this show as a

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all things ethical non monogamy, but I know that we discuss a

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lot of the sexual aspect of it. We were actually polyamorous

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for about five years, and for people who

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don't know what polyamorous is, it's a.

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An offshoot of ethical non monogamy.

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It's away from the sexual

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aspect now. It doesn't. It doesn't take the sexual aspect away completely,

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but it is essentially several loves.

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That's. That's what polyamory means. It means many loves.

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Right. Poly, meaning many.

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Amory meaning loves. Yes. Deriving from Latin.

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Yes. But essentially that's the basis

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of it, is that you can have several different romantic

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relationships, several different loves,

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so to speak. And it's totally okay.

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It doesn't take away from anybody. Now, how we found out about

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this was we were in the lifestyle,

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and we had some good friends of ours who were also in the lifestyle.

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And I remember very specifically, I think it was. It was a game

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night or something. I don't remember what it was exactly, but the man

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of the couple basically looked at me and said, oh, yeah, well,

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we're polyamory. And I said, what is that? What is that?

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What is that? I don't know what that is. It's like,

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what is this? Explain it to me. And he said, that's when he says,

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well, we. We date others outside of our marriage.

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Right. So it's not just sexual, it's romantic.

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And I remember thinking, wow, that's interesting. And so we

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walked away from that conversation. I remember you and I sat down in the evening

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as we were getting ready for bed, and I remember telling you, is this something

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that we could do? Like, is this even a thing?

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What did I say? You were not a fan of the idea? No. Didn't sound

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like an appealing idea to you? No. And I said, well, you know,

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I've got a lot of love. Yes. You know, I love.

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First of all, don't give me that I'm going to stab you. Look, we are

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not polyamory anymore. We are rehashing this

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for our friends here on the podcast.

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So don't look like you're gonna stab me anyhow. Go. If we.

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If you see me on Dateline Thursday, you'll know what happened.

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Anyhow, so I remember very specifically

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telling her, you know, I think that's something

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I'd be interested in. I. I'd be interested in dating other

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people. I think that would be kind of cool, especially if we can find somebody

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that we can both date together as a couple. That would be really,

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really neat. And you were like, well, I've never been with a girl as

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far as romantic relationship. And I was like, well, now would be a

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good opportunity for that. So we didn't jump right into it.

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We. No, we talked about it here. I wouldn't

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say we waited a year. Yeah, man. No, it was not a year.

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It was. It was almost a year. It was 2016 when we first

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got introduced to the idea. It was 2017

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when we finally took the leap. And. And so here's what happened.

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I have a better memory than you. Okay, so this is what happened, Little Miss

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Goldfish. What happened was we talked about it.

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It did not fare very well in conversation.

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Yeah. And so I just kind of let it disappear.

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Yeah. I let it fizzle. Yeah. And say anything more about it. And then occasionally

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every now and then, I'd be. I'd bring it up and I'd be like,

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huh, you remember that conversation that was had? That's interesting. Or you put

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on a show or. So that's. So that was towards

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the end. So towards the end, after all of this back

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and forth throughout the year, there was a show

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on Showtime and. Gosh, what was it called?

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I think it was called Polyamory probably. And it was supposed to

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be like a reality based show. Now, I. I personally think that some of

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it was scripted, but it was supposed to be very

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reality based. And you're basically following the lives

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of these five or four different polyamory

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couples, and you can see how they

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go about their own relationship, how they go about their other relationships,

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that they're dating these other people. Some couples dated other

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couples, but they also dated each other separately, et cetera, et cetera. And so you

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got to see their lives play out.

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But it also showed their sex life,

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which tells me that maybe it was scripted Right. Like they would have

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these beautiful sex. Of course. Those realities.

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It was like Cinemax. Yeah. But it was on Showtime, you know. Yeah. So anyways,

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we liked the show, though. It was interesting. Yeah. And I remember after that show

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telling you, I, I think that, I think that we should look

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into this. Yeah, I think it's a cool idea. And you

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kind of sat back and you said, fine, yes, we can

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try this. Yeah, whatever, but we need rules.

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Yes. And so we kind of established

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some, some rules. Right. But we

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started our five year polyamory journey. Now the problem

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was we started it in 2017, and in

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2019, toward the. End of 2019, I moved. You moved

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to where we live now. Right. And I, I went ahead and sent

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you by yourself to. Basically, you were the

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first one to get a job. You were going to go out there and you

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were going to kind of set things up for us while I stayed back and

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finished the school year with the kids. Right. And so I

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was playing single dad while you were playing single.

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Single woman. Single Single woman, yeah. Single Beyonce. Working at,

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working at your little office there. And we

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would see each other on weekends. Yeah, every other weekend.

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Not even every weekend. Every other weekend. Well, no, we would see each other almost

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every weekend because you would bring. You would have to drop off

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kids. Right. So you'd come this way and I'd see you and the,

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and the kids, and then I. You would come down whenever I come down.

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Right, right. And then it. Yeah. So, yeah, it got, it was. It was a

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little crazy that. That 2019 year was. Was a little

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crazy. Right. But then, of course, we moved to our current town

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in 2019, and so.

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We'Re doing poly separate. But when we first started, we were doing poly together.

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Together. So I think we started off,

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like on sites. There's. There's different sites for you to find a

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partner. A poly partner. And I

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decided, okay, well, I'm going to try to meet up with a guy. And so

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I remember meeting up with a guy, having dinner with them and

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doing that, going out on different, different dates.

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Right. So I would always find a fault.

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Like, I didn't like the whole situation.

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And so I think I went in it with, I don't know,

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doubts. Pretty much. Yeah. So, well, I mean,

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the whole journey, you really had doubts, was not. I am the sour apple

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when it comes to poly. I did not. You did not like poly?

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I didn't like it. I didn't like the whole, the whole

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sharing, the whole relationship thing.

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And I mean, I'm the one who Says pretty much straight up.

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I. I'm the one who stopped it. Like, it wasn't for me.

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It's not something I like. Well, now you stopped it.

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But really, I was already on board. You are. And because we are.

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We are very. If it's not going to work out for either of us,

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we're not going to do it. Like, if one of us wants to stop,

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we're going to stop. And so I tried. I tried dating a guy.

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Didn't work out. When I moved here,

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we were doing separate poly because I think we came to the

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conclusion that it was going to be hard for us. For us to find somebody

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that we can. Yeah. Like couples. Right. And so I

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ended up moving here and I ended up dating two

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women here. Separate times. Separate times.

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So the first woman had just come out of a divorce and I dated.

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Her and she was a lesbian and she came out of a female.

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A female marriage. 20 years. Yeah. And dated

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her. She was really, really sweet. Nice.

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Very nice. Canadian. Yeah. It was very

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weird for me to date because. Why? Nobody knows.

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Nobody. Nobody really knows this, but you're my third marriage.

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Yeah. I got married when I was 18 to

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a boyfriend who was my boyfriend from the age of 13.

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And so it was just him. After I left

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him, I immediately got with my second marriage.

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Marriage. And he was an old boyfriend.

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Married him, had kids with him,

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and then got with you after I left that

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guy. Yeah. So I have never dated. Dated.

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As opposed to you. You have dated people. So me going into

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poly and dating was su. I've only dated and married.

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Okay. So it was really super weird for me and

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so I had to get used to that. But then I had to get used

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to it while being married, which was hard

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to do because I'm married, I have kids of

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a family, and so I couldn't balance that. But when I was here by myself,

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it was okay. It was easy. I had a lot of guilt,

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but internal guilt for myself. Just me, really. I could

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be spending my time with my husband and my kids, but I'm. Spending when we

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were out here or when you were here by. When I was here by myself,

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like, I was like, I should just be spending these evenings. I should just

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drive, Drive home. Oh. Like, it was really hard for me.

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And I was going through menopause. I was going through different

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depression stuff, so. And that really. You know, it's funny because

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I wonder how long we would have stayed poly if

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you hadn't been going through menopause and if you hadn't been

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going through that depression and we hadn't been separated, would we still

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have ended it five years later? Would it have been easier? Would we

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have found our footing? Yeah, I don't think so. I think. I don't think you

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would have liked. No matter what. I don't think so. I don't. I didn't have

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the mental. I'm not that person.

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Poly works for some people, and I'm very happy that it works for

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some people. So what is it about it that doesn't work for you? I do

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not like sharing my time.

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I don't like you sharing your time. If you're going to go and be with

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friends, you go be friends. Right. But like, relationship.

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It's a relationship. You. You got to get gifts, you got to

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take out. You got to. You got to birthdays, you know,

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And. I'm like, yeah, no, the person wants a title.

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And it's like, yeah, I don't think so. And. And that's just me.

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I. That doesn't work for me. Right. Like. Right. You want to

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go and have sex with somebody. Now, I'm not

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saying that as the lifestyle that we're leading now, you're not supposed

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to have some kind of relationship with that person that you're sleeping

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with. By all means, have one. We. We do have them. Yeah. We're friends

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with all of our friends, which is a. It's a relationship. It is

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a relationship. The poly is a different type of relationship.

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It is more romantic. More romantic.

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And a different kind of intimacy that I

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am not willing to share. That's. So that really, I think, is what it comes

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down to is the intimacy. Yes. Because realistically,

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our relationships with our friends.

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Yes. We love them. Yeah. Like truly

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love our friends. Yes. And we would do anything for them.

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We'll take them out to eat for their birthdays or whatever. You know,

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like, there is a small form of commitment

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to it, but it is not a

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romantic thing. Yeah. It is not.

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Hey, let's. Let's cuddle on the couch and watch a movie together.

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Yeah. So it's. They were

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not poly, most of them. Yeah, most of

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them were just single women. Yeah, they were single women. And so me

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being territorial, them wanting labels, them wanting a

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lot of attention, just wasn't sitting well with me.

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What I noticed was when we were poly at the

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beginning and we were looking for a woman

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to join us to be an equal

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part partner in our relationship. Oh. Because we did date. We did.

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That's right. Yeah. And there was a good friend of ours

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who I had known since high school. And she

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became good friends with you. Right. And we

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had discussed it and the interest was there, and it seemed like

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it was going to work. And she seemed interested in you just as much

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as she was interested in me. But then as time went on,

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she seemed to connect more with

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me romantically and less

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with you romantically and more with you as a friend.

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And so it. I think you kind of. When you noticed that, you kind of

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gave up on the idea of holding that relationship and

230
00:14:03,336 --> 00:14:06,400
you were just like, just gonna chill here at home. You guys go have fun.

231
00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:10,154
Yeah. And I didn't care for that, but I

232
00:14:10,162 --> 00:14:13,834
was like, okay, we'll give this a shot. So I did this disconnect.

233
00:14:13,962 --> 00:14:17,402
Oh, yeah. And now analyzing it, I did. I did

234
00:14:17,426 --> 00:14:21,210
a disconnect to where I let you poly the way you

235
00:14:21,250 --> 00:14:25,242
wanted to and just disconnect myself from

236
00:14:25,266 --> 00:14:29,130
that because I didn't want to feel. I would get

237
00:14:29,170 --> 00:14:32,714
these very jealous, insecure,

238
00:14:32,762 --> 00:14:36,042
like just super. I was super insecure. Sure. And I didn't.

239
00:14:36,106 --> 00:14:39,404
And so I would disconnect myself and kind of push

240
00:14:39,452 --> 00:14:43,708
myself away from you. And it just caused more.

241
00:14:43,844 --> 00:14:47,820
And I noticed it. Yeah. And I remember after we moved out

242
00:14:47,860 --> 00:14:51,228
here, you had that disconnect with certain,

243
00:14:51,364 --> 00:14:55,068
you know, because I was dating still. Right. And I remember sitting down,

244
00:14:55,124 --> 00:14:58,828
talking to you and going, you know, you're. You're seeming very removed.

245
00:14:58,924 --> 00:15:01,852
Yeah. Like you have no feelings. Like, I was just like,

246
00:15:01,956 --> 00:15:05,052
whatever. Yeah. And. And I know you. I know you

247
00:15:05,076 --> 00:15:07,760
have feelings. I know you have very active feelings.

248
00:15:08,060 --> 00:15:11,796
So what is this? What's going on? Yeah. And you really didn't

249
00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:15,220
want to hinder me from experiences.

250
00:15:15,300 --> 00:15:18,852
Right, Right. And I get that. I understand that. But at the same

251
00:15:18,876 --> 00:15:22,484
time, I was jarring you to just talk to me. Right. You know what I

252
00:15:22,492 --> 00:15:26,068
mean? Just have that conversation with me and let's talk.

253
00:15:26,204 --> 00:15:29,780
And you weren't doing it. No. And by

254
00:15:29,820 --> 00:15:32,628
the time that, you know, for me,

255
00:15:32,684 --> 00:15:36,332
Polly, I'll be very flat out honest with you. I liked poly. Yeah.

256
00:15:36,396 --> 00:15:39,852
I enjoyed it. And I think that I could. I could actually probably pull off

257
00:15:39,876 --> 00:15:43,580
Paulie pretty well. What hinders me from poly is

258
00:15:43,620 --> 00:15:46,780
you. And I don't mean that in a negative way. Oh, I know. We've had.

259
00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:50,396
Yeah, we've had these conversations before. I don't. I don't mean that in a negative

260
00:15:50,428 --> 00:15:55,000
way at all. What hinders me from enjoying poly is that I

261
00:15:55,460 --> 00:16:00,164
love you. And there are certain, like. Like we said earlier, there's certain intimacies

262
00:16:00,332 --> 00:16:04,372
that we share that only we can share and feel comfortable

263
00:16:04,436 --> 00:16:08,404
sharing. With each other. Right. And I just don't feel comfortable

264
00:16:08,452 --> 00:16:12,500
sharing that with others. There's certain things that we do, certain things that,

265
00:16:12,620 --> 00:16:16,720
that we share with only each other. And so

266
00:16:17,020 --> 00:16:20,148
knowing that, could I have made it work?

267
00:16:20,284 --> 00:16:24,116
Yeah, I could have. But by the

268
00:16:24,188 --> 00:16:27,842
time that you told me you were ready to throw in the towel with

269
00:16:27,866 --> 00:16:31,590
Paulie, I was kind of at my wits end with dating

270
00:16:32,010 --> 00:16:36,072
because I'm by this time I'm in my late 30s, like 38,

271
00:16:36,179 --> 00:16:39,730
39. Yeah. And you know, I'm getting

272
00:16:39,770 --> 00:16:43,122
closer to the 40 end. And the only way to

273
00:16:43,146 --> 00:16:46,242
date now it seems is via app.

274
00:16:46,426 --> 00:16:50,194
Everything is app. And that means

275
00:16:50,282 --> 00:16:53,916
that in order to find somebody that's you're

276
00:16:53,948 --> 00:16:57,180
interested in or that is interested in you, you have to

277
00:16:57,220 --> 00:17:00,960
see their picture and decide from their picture

278
00:17:01,380 --> 00:17:04,492
if that's somebody that you would like to date. Now I personally have

279
00:17:04,516 --> 00:17:07,036
a poor self image of myself.

280
00:17:07,228 --> 00:17:10,492
So knowing that people are going to be judging me off

281
00:17:10,516 --> 00:17:13,548
of what I look like and I don't even like what I look like,

282
00:17:13,604 --> 00:17:16,220
there's no way that people are going to click on me. And when they do

283
00:17:16,260 --> 00:17:20,002
click on me, I'm going to be like, what's wrong with this person? You know

284
00:17:20,026 --> 00:17:23,890
what I mean? So I did get some people that were interested

285
00:17:23,970 --> 00:17:27,810
and we would go out on dates and we would talk and this sort,

286
00:17:27,890 --> 00:17:30,962
this sort of thing, you know. And of course these people on these apps,

287
00:17:31,106 --> 00:17:35,506
they're having like eight or 10 other conversations

288
00:17:35,618 --> 00:17:38,930
with other people. Right. And so because the dating app,

289
00:17:38,970 --> 00:17:42,722
I mean, and, and once somebody finds you and they like the connection, they get

290
00:17:42,746 --> 00:17:46,034
excited and they want to talk to you every day and then eventually fizzles after

291
00:17:46,122 --> 00:17:49,874
a week and then it fizzles and then one day they just ghost

292
00:17:49,922 --> 00:17:53,202
you and it's like, oh, sorry, I had these other conversations going

293
00:17:53,226 --> 00:17:57,250
on. Yeah. So it didn't seem very serious. And then the

294
00:17:57,290 --> 00:18:00,082
ones that were interested in me, I'd be like, look,

295
00:18:00,266 --> 00:18:03,762
if you really want to have a relationship with me, you have

296
00:18:03,786 --> 00:18:07,554
to know what's, what's going to be involved here. Right. You know,

297
00:18:07,562 --> 00:18:11,266
you're not getting a single guy, you're getting a ready

298
00:18:11,298 --> 00:18:14,908
made family. So I said, I, I am very

299
00:18:14,964 --> 00:18:18,748
busy. I have a full time job, I have a full time

300
00:18:18,804 --> 00:18:22,236
home life, I'm very close to my kids, I have four kids

301
00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:25,644
at home. I have my wife who's my best friend

302
00:18:25,812 --> 00:18:28,280
and we're used to spending time together.

303
00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:31,200
So they're my priorities.

304
00:18:31,700 --> 00:18:35,580
And whatever time I have left over you can

305
00:18:35,620 --> 00:18:40,018
have. Right. But I also have to figure in Some time for myself.

306
00:18:40,164 --> 00:18:43,910
Yeah. On top of that. Yeah. And so most

307
00:18:43,950 --> 00:18:46,502
of these women, whenever I would break it down to me, I'd be like,

308
00:18:46,606 --> 00:18:49,622
sorry to be so cut and dry about it, but my family is the most

309
00:18:49,646 --> 00:18:53,206
important thing to me, and nobody will be able to top that.

310
00:18:53,278 --> 00:18:56,582
Right. And they would always say, oh, that's no big deal. I'm down for the

311
00:18:56,606 --> 00:18:59,290
ride. Let's do this. And I'm like, okay,

312
00:18:59,710 --> 00:19:03,430
if that's really what you want to do. And we

313
00:19:03,470 --> 00:19:07,254
would try it. Right. And we would date. We would go out every now and

314
00:19:07,262 --> 00:19:11,012
then. We'd have conversations, and in the beginning, it would be

315
00:19:11,036 --> 00:19:14,068
okay. And then they'd want more from me.

316
00:19:14,204 --> 00:19:17,460
They'd want more time, which every relationship does, Right?

317
00:19:17,500 --> 00:19:20,580
Exactly. It always works. And I can't. I can't say that with any kind of

318
00:19:20,620 --> 00:19:24,180
meanness, you know, that they were in a relationship, they were looking for

319
00:19:24,220 --> 00:19:27,444
more. Yeah. And I could not give that to them.

320
00:19:27,612 --> 00:19:31,172
And eventually, this. The last relationship that I had

321
00:19:31,196 --> 00:19:34,100
before we stopped being poly. I remember I. I told her, I was like,

322
00:19:34,140 --> 00:19:37,300
look, you're requiring more of

323
00:19:37,340 --> 00:19:40,650
my time. You're requiring me to contact you

324
00:19:40,690 --> 00:19:43,870
more, things like that. And you're getting upset when I can't.

325
00:19:44,210 --> 00:19:47,290
I said, this is exactly what we talked about at the beginning,

326
00:19:47,370 --> 00:19:50,810
like this was gonna happen. Yeah. I said, so with

327
00:19:50,850 --> 00:19:54,282
that, I don't think that we should be in this relationship together.

328
00:19:54,386 --> 00:19:58,154
Right. And she pleaded with me, and she was like, no, we can make

329
00:19:58,162 --> 00:20:01,790
it work. I promise I. I will. It'll get better. I promise.

330
00:20:02,210 --> 00:20:05,296
But by that time, I was already checked out.

331
00:20:05,368 --> 00:20:08,432
Yeah. And I was like, no, you know, I really don't want to deal with

332
00:20:08,456 --> 00:20:11,936
this stress anymore. When she would text me,

333
00:20:12,008 --> 00:20:15,936
I caught myself, like, rolling my eyes going, I have.

334
00:20:16,008 --> 00:20:18,880
I. I feel obligated to have to answer this text. You know what I mean?

335
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:21,600
And I think I told you that I was like, I feel obligated to.

336
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:24,592
Talk to her and dinners and stuff like that. You're like. I was like,

337
00:20:24,616 --> 00:20:28,352
I'm obligated because I'm in this relationship. This is not a friendship thing

338
00:20:28,376 --> 00:20:31,532
where I can go. Yeah, I don't think so. Yeah. It was an

339
00:20:31,556 --> 00:20:35,320
obligation because I'm now in this relationship, and if I don't try,

340
00:20:35,700 --> 00:20:38,108
then I'm. I'm failing the relationship.

341
00:20:38,204 --> 00:20:41,260
Yeah. And so I just was kind of like,

342
00:20:41,300 --> 00:20:44,732
no, I don't think this is going to work out. And so we ended it.

343
00:20:44,916 --> 00:20:47,996
And I hadn't really talked or

344
00:20:48,068 --> 00:20:51,660
dated anybody. And I remember us driving,

345
00:20:51,740 --> 00:20:55,724
and you. You and I were Getting into an argument about

346
00:20:55,812 --> 00:20:59,356
something like finances or whatever. Yeah. And it just came out in the middle

347
00:20:59,388 --> 00:21:02,624
of sentence. You were just like, I don't want to be poly anymore.

348
00:21:02,812 --> 00:21:06,504
It was something I was holding on to for. Well. And I'm realizing that,

349
00:21:06,592 --> 00:21:10,376
you know, when leading up to it, things were

350
00:21:10,448 --> 00:21:14,232
not. We weren't vibing, and there's very few. Times I had

351
00:21:14,256 --> 00:21:18,552
removed myself. Yeah. Yeah. And there's very few times in our life that

352
00:21:18,576 --> 00:21:22,488
we've been together where we haven't vibed. Yes. And this was probably

353
00:21:22,584 --> 00:21:26,344
one of two times. Yeah. That we've been together. And the.

354
00:21:26,432 --> 00:21:28,712
It was like a week or two leading up to it. I was like,

355
00:21:28,736 --> 00:21:32,728
there's something wrong. Right. She's not acting her normal self around me.

356
00:21:32,784 --> 00:21:36,904
She's not being her usual self. Something's up. And I would prod

357
00:21:36,992 --> 00:21:40,056
and I'd be like, are you okay? You don't want to talk? No, everything's fine.

358
00:21:40,088 --> 00:21:43,608
Everything's fine. Yeah. And then I was like, well, maybe it's

359
00:21:43,624 --> 00:21:46,984
a. Maybe it's the finances. You know, we're coming out of COVID and all this.

360
00:21:47,072 --> 00:21:50,360
You know, we're trying to find a job. You know, we were down to one

361
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:53,544
vehicle, so we were driving to our jobs together,

362
00:21:53,632 --> 00:21:56,886
and we were commuting like an hour. Yeah. I mean, all of that was stressful.

363
00:21:56,918 --> 00:22:00,850
It was hard. Yeah, it was stressful. Yeah. And I figured maybe that was it.

364
00:22:01,310 --> 00:22:04,582
And it finally culminated into this big argument that we

365
00:22:04,606 --> 00:22:07,398
had on the way to work one morning in the thick of.

366
00:22:07,454 --> 00:22:10,410
Of Central Texas traffic.

367
00:22:10,750 --> 00:22:14,134
And that's when you said you were like, I don't want to be poly anymore.

368
00:22:14,182 --> 00:22:17,542
And my immediate response was, I. I stepped back and I was like,

369
00:22:17,566 --> 00:22:20,886
okay, yeah, cool. Let's not be poly anymore.

370
00:22:20,918 --> 00:22:24,126
But that doesn't explain to me why we're having this argument right now. Yeah.

371
00:22:24,278 --> 00:22:27,790
And that's when we started discussing. Oh, this is what

372
00:22:27,830 --> 00:22:30,894
the argument was about. It wasn't about finances.

373
00:22:30,942 --> 00:22:34,558
No. It was this. Yeah. And so then after that,

374
00:22:34,614 --> 00:22:37,982
you were very worried that it was going to

375
00:22:38,006 --> 00:22:41,742
break us up, because you didn't. You knew that I

376
00:22:41,766 --> 00:22:45,170
liked Paulie. Yeah. And I didn't want to hinder the whole.

377
00:22:45,910 --> 00:22:49,566
So, yeah. Me removing myself. It did. It caused a lot of issues

378
00:22:49,638 --> 00:22:53,166
in the fact we talked about it.

379
00:22:53,238 --> 00:22:56,526
Well, it wasn't over for a while, though, because even though I said,

380
00:22:56,598 --> 00:23:00,302
okay. Yeah. I think that you really thought

381
00:23:00,406 --> 00:23:03,886
in the weeks leading up after that I was going to leave you. Well,

382
00:23:03,958 --> 00:23:07,518
yeah. And. And I remember feeling so bad.

383
00:23:07,574 --> 00:23:10,734
So when I do not. When I say oh,

384
00:23:10,782 --> 00:23:14,702
we shouldn't do this. We shouldn't do that. Or I say, well, yeah, go ahead.

385
00:23:14,726 --> 00:23:18,072
Let's try it. Whatever. I'm not in it for, like, I'm not

386
00:23:18,096 --> 00:23:21,656
really in it in my heart. So when the poly thing ended,

387
00:23:21,688 --> 00:23:25,080
I was like, okay, well, I was prepared for us

388
00:23:25,120 --> 00:23:28,568
to end only because I was like, I don't

389
00:23:28,584 --> 00:23:31,736
want to hinder you. Like, Right. I'm not here

390
00:23:31,808 --> 00:23:34,740
to rule your life.

391
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:38,632
Although we are married. I'm not here. We're partners.

392
00:23:38,776 --> 00:23:41,432
And if that's something you really want to do, I was like, okay, well,

393
00:23:41,456 --> 00:23:44,248
if that's something he really wants to do, then I'm okay with it. We're gonna

394
00:23:44,264 --> 00:23:48,102
figure this out. We're gonna be best friends. We probably won't be

395
00:23:48,126 --> 00:23:50,486
married anymore. We're gonna be best friends. And.

396
00:23:50,638 --> 00:23:54,326
Yeah. Gosh, that's horrible. No, but, you know,

397
00:23:54,478 --> 00:23:58,102
so hypothetically speaking, say I wanted to be poly again.

398
00:23:58,286 --> 00:24:01,462
Could we. To. To where? Because I know

399
00:24:01,486 --> 00:24:04,582
you don't want to be poly. Yeah. Would you let me be poly and you

400
00:24:04,606 --> 00:24:07,862
be. No, no, no, I wouldn't want to be. No,

401
00:24:07,966 --> 00:24:11,730
no. It's just a hypothetical, but I wouldn't. I wouldn't want it. I've already.

402
00:24:12,270 --> 00:24:15,942
When we stopped being poly, I was already at the end

403
00:24:15,966 --> 00:24:20,118
of my rope with dating. Let's face facts.

404
00:24:20,214 --> 00:24:25,286
I am 42 years old. Dating in your 40s sucks.

405
00:24:25,478 --> 00:24:29,078
Dating in your 30s sucks. So, like,

406
00:24:29,134 --> 00:24:32,870
it's not fun, right? Yeah. Yeah. So,

407
00:24:32,910 --> 00:24:36,640
yeah, it's. It's not fun. So. Yeah. So anyways,

408
00:24:36,750 --> 00:24:40,652
I have to stop right there because you are having, like, an emotional

409
00:24:40,716 --> 00:24:44,620
reaction right now. Yeah. To our conversation. So Paulie makes me

410
00:24:44,660 --> 00:24:48,080
feel really bad. Like, the time that it was happening,

411
00:24:48,900 --> 00:24:52,380
I wasn't in a good mental state. And so

412
00:24:52,420 --> 00:24:55,676
I remember, I guess,

413
00:24:55,708 --> 00:24:59,292
all the relationships that we had. Yeah. And it. I just kind

414
00:24:59,316 --> 00:25:02,526
of internally feel bad about it.

415
00:25:02,668 --> 00:25:05,350
What now? What do you mean, internally feel bad? So, like,

416
00:25:05,970 --> 00:25:09,530
we went through that, and it's just like a. It's like a trauma thing for

417
00:25:09,570 --> 00:25:13,310
me. So it's like I was not in a right headspace.

418
00:25:13,730 --> 00:25:17,242
And we went in through it. We went into it,

419
00:25:17,266 --> 00:25:20,522
and I just wasn't. I just wasn't in a right headspace. And so,

420
00:25:20,546 --> 00:25:24,010
like, I'm remembering the. All the situations now.

421
00:25:24,050 --> 00:25:27,690
You and I were fine because I would remove myself, but I

422
00:25:27,730 --> 00:25:30,430
literally removed myself. Like,

423
00:25:31,210 --> 00:25:34,898
probably the last two years of. Of being

424
00:25:34,954 --> 00:25:38,434
poly were really

425
00:25:38,522 --> 00:25:42,030
not. Not good for me. Like,

426
00:25:42,730 --> 00:25:45,954
I was in and out of relationships with.

427
00:25:46,042 --> 00:25:49,362
With women. Right. It was you and

428
00:25:49,386 --> 00:25:51,790
I. I don't Think we were very close.

429
00:25:52,410 --> 00:25:56,918
Like, we were just married and doing

430
00:25:56,974 --> 00:26:00,454
our thing. We weren't what we're now. I will say that Paulie

431
00:26:00,502 --> 00:26:04,054
made us. A lot of good came out. A lot of good came out of

432
00:26:04,062 --> 00:26:07,846
it. Yeah. Now. But just you're. You're talking and you're

433
00:26:07,878 --> 00:26:11,446
talking about how I reacted to the situations

434
00:26:11,478 --> 00:26:15,494
and stuff, and it's like, dang, that was really crappy.

435
00:26:15,542 --> 00:26:19,030
But it's really. I didn't like it. Like, poly is

436
00:26:19,070 --> 00:26:21,766
not something that I could ever do again.

437
00:26:21,838 --> 00:26:25,076
But looking back at it, I was like, man,

438
00:26:25,148 --> 00:26:28,804
those were some really hard times for me because I wasn't talking to you about.

439
00:26:28,892 --> 00:26:31,924
No. And that was the worst part about it. Yeah. Was that I talked to

440
00:26:32,012 --> 00:26:35,652
you. Having that conversation. I talked to you about everything. Like, I could talk

441
00:26:35,676 --> 00:26:38,676
to you about. About swinging all day.

442
00:26:38,748 --> 00:26:41,972
Yeah. And how I feel and what emotion I'm having.

443
00:26:42,156 --> 00:26:46,036
But poly is a trigger for me that. It just

444
00:26:46,108 --> 00:26:48,080
upsets me. Like,

445
00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:52,472
I don't know. And. And not upset me, like, oh, we should have never done

446
00:26:52,496 --> 00:26:55,272
that. Just ups me as the way, I guess, the way I was acting and

447
00:26:55,296 --> 00:26:59,016
the way I was feeling. So you were more upset with yourself.

448
00:26:59,128 --> 00:27:02,328
Yeah. Regarding how you.

449
00:27:02,464 --> 00:27:06,060
How you handled everything. Yes. Like, it wasn't.

450
00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:09,432
You would think I'd be more traumatic with it because I was kind of on

451
00:27:09,456 --> 00:27:13,620
the. The brunts of it. Yeah. But I'm not really. I mean,

452
00:27:13,930 --> 00:27:17,970
I know the person that I married. Yeah. And you are.

453
00:27:18,090 --> 00:27:21,458
I've always said you. You're reactive, and I was more

454
00:27:21,514 --> 00:27:25,298
logical. Yeah. And where we balanced. Yes. And so

455
00:27:25,354 --> 00:27:29,202
situations would arise and you would react and we would

456
00:27:29,226 --> 00:27:32,830
talk. Yeah. And this. This was always kind of the thing.

457
00:27:33,610 --> 00:27:37,070
You would react to something. We would talk,

458
00:27:37,530 --> 00:27:40,470
you would sit back and you'd go, okay,

459
00:27:41,610 --> 00:27:44,498
we'll. We'll see. We'll try this. Yeah.

460
00:27:44,674 --> 00:27:48,434
And then things would seemingly be okay

461
00:27:48,562 --> 00:27:52,098
for a month or two. Yeah. And then something

462
00:27:52,154 --> 00:27:56,130
would happen, and you'd start acting a little bit darker, a little bit shadier.

463
00:27:56,210 --> 00:27:59,362
Something was going on. Like, you weren't talking to me. And I would start

464
00:27:59,386 --> 00:28:02,722
prodding you, and I'd be like, something's wrong. You're not talking to me. Like,

465
00:28:02,746 --> 00:28:05,952
no, no, everything's fine. Because I. I didn't know how to process the

466
00:28:05,976 --> 00:28:09,680
emotions, the feelings. And the whole time I knew something was

467
00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:13,072
wrong. Right. And the whole time I'm trying to get it out of

468
00:28:13,096 --> 00:28:15,776
you, and you're not giving me what I need.

469
00:28:15,848 --> 00:28:19,456
Yeah. And so I'm like, okay, things are

470
00:28:19,528 --> 00:28:23,040
going to explode at some point. Yeah. And we just kept going through it and,

471
00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:26,704
and then we would, we would have this small o up, we'd argue

472
00:28:26,752 --> 00:28:30,064
and then we'd talk. You'd react, we'd talk it out. And then

473
00:28:30,072 --> 00:28:33,480
you'd be like, okay, I'm okay. Right. And we

474
00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:36,680
kept going through these cycles. Yeah. And there

475
00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:39,768
was things that, I mean, it was all new territory for me too. And that's

476
00:28:39,784 --> 00:28:43,976
what I was trying to explain was I. I am not by far experienced

477
00:28:44,008 --> 00:28:47,416
poly. We jumped into it the same time with the same information.

478
00:28:47,568 --> 00:28:51,352
Right. And I was really trying to learn, but I honestly think

479
00:28:51,376 --> 00:28:54,568
that I was like poly in high school.

480
00:28:54,704 --> 00:28:58,072
Like, I never realized that it. There was a name to it for

481
00:28:58,096 --> 00:29:01,614
me. Right. I remember it wasn't just being a hoe. Yeah. It wasn't being.

482
00:29:01,702 --> 00:29:05,050
No. Yeah. It was like I would be dating a girl

483
00:29:05,590 --> 00:29:09,454
and it would be a nice relationship, everything would seem fine, but then

484
00:29:09,462 --> 00:29:12,686
I would be interested in another girl. Yeah. And I would be,

485
00:29:12,758 --> 00:29:16,750
you know, and I was always. I remember in high school,

486
00:29:16,870 --> 00:29:20,014
I would have a talk with myself and I'd be like, why,

487
00:29:20,182 --> 00:29:23,582
why are you feeling this way? What's wrong with you? Yeah. That you can't just

488
00:29:23,606 --> 00:29:26,994
be happy in the, the relationship that you're in.

489
00:29:27,162 --> 00:29:31,190
And so fast forward to my first marriage.

490
00:29:31,770 --> 00:29:35,330
I was very, I guess you could say,

491
00:29:35,370 --> 00:29:38,450
loyal to her. Even though it was a horrible marriage.

492
00:29:38,530 --> 00:29:42,210
Right. I was, I never cheated on her.

493
00:29:42,250 --> 00:29:45,842
And she used to always accuse me of cheating. And I

494
00:29:45,866 --> 00:29:48,082
remember thinking, well, you know, if she's going to accuse me of cheating, I might

495
00:29:48,106 --> 00:29:50,882
as well do it. Right? Yeah. And I was with her for seven years and

496
00:29:50,906 --> 00:29:54,520
I never ever did, but there was girls that were there and

497
00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:57,768
I would, I would be a true them, but I would really

498
00:29:57,824 --> 00:30:00,760
try not to have anything above of a friendship.

499
00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:03,940
Right. And then you and I got together

500
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:07,592
and it was the same thing, but we were, we were hangers, you know,

501
00:30:07,616 --> 00:30:11,656
so it was, it was different. It was just we, we still had connections

502
00:30:11,688 --> 00:30:15,512
with others sexually, but the early on of

503
00:30:15,536 --> 00:30:18,774
the lifestyle was primarily you having

504
00:30:18,952 --> 00:30:22,986
for fun and me just kind of going along for the ride. Right. Because everybody

505
00:30:23,018 --> 00:30:27,066
wants the girl, you know? And so realistically,

506
00:30:27,258 --> 00:30:30,922
at the beginning of our lifestyle, it was, it was all you and you

507
00:30:30,946 --> 00:30:35,610
were having a great time and I wasn't getting satisfied

508
00:30:35,770 --> 00:30:39,674
from the connection. I wasn't being able to talk to people.

509
00:30:39,762 --> 00:30:43,430
I wasn't being able to share connections with others.

510
00:30:43,890 --> 00:30:47,642
And that was a bummer. Maybe that's what I really enjoy. I enjoy

511
00:30:47,706 --> 00:30:51,636
getting to know other people. I enjoy asking them questions and Finding

512
00:30:51,668 --> 00:30:54,720
out, react to things and just things like that. Like,

513
00:30:55,500 --> 00:30:58,868
I know your reactions to everything. Right.

514
00:30:59,004 --> 00:31:02,804
And we know each other 100%. Yes. And still learning a

515
00:31:02,812 --> 00:31:06,340
lot about you, which I think is really, really cool. But it's the

516
00:31:06,380 --> 00:31:10,100
learning process about everybody else that I really enjoy. So now that we're not

517
00:31:10,140 --> 00:31:13,732
poly, I still get to satisfy that portion of me.

518
00:31:13,836 --> 00:31:16,980
Because we are close enough

519
00:31:17,360 --> 00:31:21,140
with each other and secure enough in our relationship for you to say,

520
00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:25,048
go, go hang out one cell. That's your friend. She's your friend. Go hang

521
00:31:25,064 --> 00:31:28,232
out with her. You know, and if y'all have sex, cool. Just let me know.

522
00:31:28,336 --> 00:31:31,480
You know, things like that, because you know that it's not a romantic thing.

523
00:31:31,520 --> 00:31:34,408
Yes. It's a connection that I'm looking for,

524
00:31:34,544 --> 00:31:37,432
and that's what I really like. You know what I mean? I'm not.

525
00:31:37,456 --> 00:31:41,016
I'm going to find somebody and say, hey, you're my girlfriend now. Now I'm good.

526
00:31:41,088 --> 00:31:44,594
Yeah, I'm good. I don't need to give anybody a title. That's, that's.

527
00:31:44,642 --> 00:31:48,322
I think it was just a different. A different

528
00:31:48,426 --> 00:31:52,510
chapter that was very, very hard

529
00:31:53,050 --> 00:31:56,354
for me. Yeah. You know, I, like,

530
00:31:56,442 --> 00:31:59,698
I. You're my husband.

531
00:31:59,874 --> 00:32:03,154
You know what I mean? So it's like, I married you. Sorry.

532
00:32:03,202 --> 00:32:06,610
If you want to date. Well, you know,

533
00:32:06,650 --> 00:32:10,194
in the beginning, after we called out the whole poly

534
00:32:10,242 --> 00:32:13,686
thing. Yeah. And you used to tell me this, how you were feeling

535
00:32:13,718 --> 00:32:16,982
and that sort of thing. And I didn't understand it at first. Yeah.

536
00:32:17,126 --> 00:32:21,174
Because I was like, I, I, I don't get it. I'm. I'm your husband.

537
00:32:21,302 --> 00:32:24,614
Like, that hasn't changed. Yeah. I'm still your husband. And it

538
00:32:24,622 --> 00:32:28,006
doesn't make sense to me now I'm sitting back

539
00:32:28,158 --> 00:32:31,622
and it's been a few years. I've had this clarity now, but now I

540
00:32:31,646 --> 00:32:35,570
can sit back and go, I get it. Okay, I understand.

541
00:32:36,190 --> 00:32:39,648
Because you had to work very hard,

542
00:32:39,704 --> 00:32:43,312
or so you say, to get the title of girlfriend. I did. When it came

543
00:32:43,336 --> 00:32:46,752
to me. Yes. Because I was fresh out of a divorce, and I

544
00:32:46,776 --> 00:32:50,080
wasn't, you know, I wasn't looking for a relationship. You just kind of came

545
00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:53,488
along. Yeah. And so you worked very hard

546
00:32:53,544 --> 00:32:56,768
to get what you want. We worked very hard at this relationship. Yes.

547
00:32:56,864 --> 00:33:00,704
And we kind of built our own personal dynasty in this

548
00:33:00,792 --> 00:33:03,976
family. Yeah. Like, we have built something really great.

549
00:33:04,048 --> 00:33:07,432
We have. We have great kids. We have a great relationship.

550
00:33:07,576 --> 00:33:11,192
Our life is great. So the thought

551
00:33:11,296 --> 00:33:15,256
of you letting me, and I use that term loosely,

552
00:33:15,288 --> 00:33:19,752
but letting me go out and date others and

553
00:33:19,856 --> 00:33:23,368
knowing that this other person may get parts

554
00:33:23,384 --> 00:33:26,232
of me that normally are reserved for you.

555
00:33:26,336 --> 00:33:29,772
Yeah, I can see how that would bother. Yeah, I can see

556
00:33:29,796 --> 00:33:34,040
how that would, would really just kind of stick in your craw, you know,

557
00:33:34,340 --> 00:33:37,820
And I didn't see it then because

558
00:33:37,940 --> 00:33:40,716
I was more, I guess,

559
00:33:40,788 --> 00:33:44,652
self involved. I was, yeah. I was actually blinded by the fact

560
00:33:44,676 --> 00:33:48,600
that I wanted a relationship now. There's more to it than that. There is

561
00:33:49,060 --> 00:33:52,200
primarily because, you know, like I've said on past,

562
00:33:52,500 --> 00:33:56,500
I didn't feel the love.

563
00:33:57,040 --> 00:34:00,360
I didn't get relationships. Yeah. In, you know, I,

564
00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:03,976
I was a regular person. You're a very needy

565
00:34:04,008 --> 00:34:08,136
person. I can be. You can be very needy. And I'm

566
00:34:08,168 --> 00:34:11,912
all, I'm good with that from. For me to have you share your neediness

567
00:34:11,976 --> 00:34:15,592
with other people. I'm like, yeah, nah, yeah, that's for me.

568
00:34:15,696 --> 00:34:19,448
Right, Right. But yes. So I, that's the only reason I didn't want to stop

569
00:34:19,504 --> 00:34:22,536
Polly, because I was like, man, he really likes this. He really needs this.

570
00:34:22,608 --> 00:34:26,395
Yeah. But even like now it's like you,

571
00:34:26,467 --> 00:34:31,051
you thrive for that kind of connection and now you get it and

572
00:34:31,235 --> 00:34:34,875
you're good. Like. Yeah. You know, but a good example.

573
00:34:34,907 --> 00:34:38,267
And I know I always feel, saying this, but I have a really good

574
00:34:38,323 --> 00:34:42,075
friend who is a woman in the lifestyle

575
00:34:42,267 --> 00:34:45,531
who is, is married. Right. And of course I'm married.

576
00:34:45,595 --> 00:34:48,971
Right. Having a really good friend who

577
00:34:48,995 --> 00:34:52,284
I talk to almost every day, and having

578
00:34:52,372 --> 00:34:55,692
that friendship with like, that, I thought for

579
00:34:55,716 --> 00:34:58,636
certain it was going to be an issue with me.

580
00:34:58,708 --> 00:35:01,500
Yeah, I thought for certain it was going to be an issue because I know,

581
00:35:01,620 --> 00:35:05,564
I know it is what it is. I'm not looking for a romantic connection

582
00:35:05,612 --> 00:35:09,132
with this girl. I have everything that I need from her as far

583
00:35:09,156 --> 00:35:12,572
as she's a really good friend. Right. And I get

584
00:35:12,596 --> 00:35:16,268
to have good conversation and shit like that. I have

585
00:35:16,324 --> 00:35:19,180
great conversation with you all day, every day.

586
00:35:19,220 --> 00:35:22,594
Yeah. So you know those things where you got to kind

587
00:35:22,602 --> 00:35:26,002
of sit back and go, well, what am I getting from her that I'm not

588
00:35:26,026 --> 00:35:29,314
getting from my wife? Well, it's not a matter of what I'm getting

589
00:35:29,402 --> 00:35:31,790
from her. I'm not getting from you.

590
00:35:32,250 --> 00:35:34,834
It's. I'm getting something different.

591
00:35:35,002 --> 00:35:38,306
I'm getting the same thing, but it's different because she's

592
00:35:38,338 --> 00:35:41,634
a different personality. Right. With different answers

593
00:35:41,682 --> 00:35:45,250
and that sort of thing. It's just, it's, it's, it's that connection of getting

594
00:35:45,290 --> 00:35:48,674
to know somebody and figuring them out and just being able to connect on a

595
00:35:48,682 --> 00:35:51,120
different level as a friend.

596
00:35:52,380 --> 00:35:55,812
And I couldn't I was sitting back the other day,

597
00:35:55,836 --> 00:35:58,980
I was like, I couldn't be in a relationship with this person. Like a.

598
00:35:59,100 --> 00:36:02,244
An actual relationship. Well, first of all, she's a lot like me.

599
00:36:02,332 --> 00:36:05,540
Yeah, she's a lot like me. She's very intellectual. Yeah. And so.

600
00:36:05,580 --> 00:36:08,980
Well, so she's. You're smart. No, but she's a different kind. She's a.

601
00:36:09,020 --> 00:36:13,172
She's intellectual like you. Yeah. And so she's a lot like me. Cool. And so

602
00:36:13,356 --> 00:36:16,420
I was telling her that the other day. I was like, you know, I could

603
00:36:16,460 --> 00:36:20,372
never be in a relationship with you because you're.

604
00:36:20,516 --> 00:36:23,988
You're too much like me. Like, we're friends and I love

605
00:36:24,044 --> 00:36:27,684
myself enough to be friends with myself. Yeah. And that's why this works.

606
00:36:27,732 --> 00:36:30,980
Yeah. But I could never be in a relationship with

607
00:36:31,020 --> 00:36:33,524
anybody. And I was thinking about that the other day. I can't be in a

608
00:36:33,532 --> 00:36:37,972
relationship with anybody else. Not like that. Not a romantic relationship.

609
00:36:38,116 --> 00:36:41,850
Because something happens internally where

610
00:36:42,630 --> 00:36:46,370
the moment romantic feelings are discussed,

611
00:36:47,270 --> 00:36:50,638
it makes. It flips a switch inside me that

612
00:36:50,694 --> 00:36:54,478
makes me feel uncomfortable. And I don't like

613
00:36:54,534 --> 00:36:57,438
that feeling of being uncomfortable. I'm not a fan.

614
00:36:57,614 --> 00:37:01,486
Not a fan of it. Yeah. And so it just does nothing for me.

615
00:37:01,638 --> 00:37:05,070
So I think it's really cool. If it were the poly experience,

616
00:37:05,190 --> 00:37:08,534
I would be able to have my friends that I have now, we would be

617
00:37:08,542 --> 00:37:12,214
able to do separate things, like we do. Possibly.

618
00:37:12,262 --> 00:37:15,718
Yeah. It's really helped us. It's helped us

619
00:37:15,774 --> 00:37:19,062
grow. And I was one way poly and you

620
00:37:19,086 --> 00:37:23,110
were another way poly. Now. How do you mean? Like, you were self

621
00:37:23,190 --> 00:37:27,490
involved. You were all about you

622
00:37:28,270 --> 00:37:32,854
and Paulie. I was more about

623
00:37:32,942 --> 00:37:36,582
us. So how. Now I'm curious. Because you

624
00:37:36,606 --> 00:37:40,210
were dating that one girl that was not about us.

625
00:37:40,510 --> 00:37:43,542
No. But I ended up bringing you in. Yeah,

626
00:37:43,606 --> 00:37:46,598
you kept bringing me. Exactly. Well, so that. That one girl did not.

627
00:37:46,654 --> 00:37:49,942
But there was also another girl that I was dating. You're like, well, you should

628
00:37:49,966 --> 00:37:53,862
see if she wants to date us. Oh, well, you so. No, that wasn't my

629
00:37:53,886 --> 00:37:57,478
idea. That was your idea. And that one fell through. Yeah.

630
00:37:57,574 --> 00:38:00,838
Yeah. Well, I mean. But that's what I'm saying. Like, I was more us,

631
00:38:00,974 --> 00:38:04,422
and then you are more you in the poly I got. And so things like

632
00:38:04,446 --> 00:38:07,846
that, it just. I don't know. It wasn't. It.

633
00:38:07,918 --> 00:38:11,430
It's helped me grow. I'm a better human because we experience

634
00:38:11,550 --> 00:38:15,490
that. And I'm better at.

635
00:38:15,790 --> 00:38:19,014
I'm definitely better at communicating. Oh, man. Like I.

636
00:38:19,102 --> 00:38:22,662
That right there, flip the switch and I tell you everything.

637
00:38:22,766 --> 00:38:26,374
And I'm not So when we started this lifestyle

638
00:38:26,422 --> 00:38:29,254
I was like whatever, whatever, whatever Adam,

639
00:38:29,382 --> 00:38:32,662
whatever, whatever I can give him. Right. Because I was more

640
00:38:32,686 --> 00:38:36,134
experienced than you weren't. Now it's not like that. No.

641
00:38:36,222 --> 00:38:40,230
Now you are not, you are not self involved. You are all about

642
00:38:40,350 --> 00:38:44,294
us, everything that we do. I, I kind of. Yeah. And so like you've

643
00:38:44,342 --> 00:38:48,134
grown. Yeah. You have sat

644
00:38:48,182 --> 00:38:52,170
back like you said and looked at the big picture. You aren't,

645
00:38:52,910 --> 00:38:55,634
you aren't. Back then you were all experiences.

646
00:38:55,682 --> 00:38:58,510
Experiences. Let me. Now you are more.

647
00:38:59,770 --> 00:39:02,626
You are very self aware of us.

648
00:39:02,778 --> 00:39:06,258
Well, it isn't us. A lot of things changed with

649
00:39:06,314 --> 00:39:09,506
the conversations that happened after we stopped being polished.

650
00:39:09,538 --> 00:39:14,130
Yeah. Because realistically we sat down and we had so many conversations

651
00:39:14,290 --> 00:39:18,034
about what transpired and how we feel

652
00:39:18,122 --> 00:39:21,234
and how did we handle. Yeah. Everything just rehashing.

653
00:39:21,282 --> 00:39:25,628
And that's where I learned a lot about what, what you were carrying never

654
00:39:25,684 --> 00:39:29,260
did during that entire five year time. Yeah.

655
00:39:29,420 --> 00:39:33,276
And I had no idea. No. And I remember you telling.

656
00:39:33,308 --> 00:39:36,620
And just like you were crying a little while ago. You were crying throughout those

657
00:39:36,660 --> 00:39:40,600
different conversations. And it's like there is nothing that I

658
00:39:41,620 --> 00:39:45,196
hate more than to be the, the reason

659
00:39:45,268 --> 00:39:49,358
why you are shedding tears. Right. And so to have these conversations and

660
00:39:49,414 --> 00:39:53,310
to hear that your feelings were hurt here and you

661
00:39:53,350 --> 00:39:56,142
know, I didn't think about you here and this and that. And I was just

662
00:39:56,166 --> 00:39:59,294
like wow. I had no idea. Yeah.

663
00:39:59,342 --> 00:40:02,254
But of course I had no idea. Weren't telling. Not only. Yeah. And, but I

664
00:40:02,262 --> 00:40:04,974
wasn't. But I didn't know how. Yeah. And I didn't know how to tell you.

665
00:40:05,062 --> 00:40:08,190
Like I don't know how to, I didn't know how to express myself. And realistically

666
00:40:08,270 --> 00:40:11,550
a good husband would have known. A good husband would have been able to

667
00:40:11,590 --> 00:40:15,134
see that. Okay. This, she's acting different.

668
00:40:15,222 --> 00:40:19,128
This is not good. Yeah. But I, I, you're right. I was very

669
00:40:19,264 --> 00:40:22,600
self involved. I was looking more for what? For my

670
00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:27,304
experiences on this. Yeah. And primarily because I knew that

671
00:40:27,392 --> 00:40:31,272
you didn't like it or you weren't looking for forward to

672
00:40:31,296 --> 00:40:35,060
it as much as I was. Right. Plus I had better

673
00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:39,192
luck dating than you did. Yeah. You know, I'm a bit

674
00:40:39,216 --> 00:40:42,600
pickier. You are quite picky. I am very picky. So nothing wrong with that.

675
00:40:42,640 --> 00:40:46,236
Yeah. So it's, I didn't own, I didn't want to date just anybody.

676
00:40:46,348 --> 00:40:49,884
I was very, very picky on who I was going to date and stuff like

677
00:40:49,892 --> 00:40:54,012
that. But so yeah. You had way more I

678
00:40:54,036 --> 00:40:57,916
guess people to choose from. But it definitely has

679
00:40:58,068 --> 00:41:01,772
brought us that chapter's gone, that chapter is gone.

680
00:41:01,836 --> 00:41:04,972
And you know, this is something that we've, you know, I've had

681
00:41:04,996 --> 00:41:09,590
this conversation with a lot of people because there

682
00:41:09,630 --> 00:41:13,382
are a lot of people who are in the lifestyle who are also poly.

683
00:41:13,446 --> 00:41:16,950
Yeah. And rock on, man, if you can make it work.

684
00:41:16,990 --> 00:41:20,454
Friends, that's freaking great. We have friends where they're married and one is

685
00:41:20,462 --> 00:41:24,230
more poly than the other. The other one is not looking right. You know,

686
00:41:24,270 --> 00:41:27,622
and it works for them. It works for them and there's no problems. And you

687
00:41:27,646 --> 00:41:31,206
know what? Nobody can tell you how to lifestyle.

688
00:41:31,318 --> 00:41:34,294
That's, I'm a big believer in that. What works for you guys,

689
00:41:34,422 --> 00:41:37,856
that works for you guys. You know, and maybe it doesn't work for everybody,

690
00:41:37,888 --> 00:41:41,260
but who cares? If it works for you, then it works for you.

691
00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:45,792
And, and I, you know, I get real excited whenever I do see people

692
00:41:45,896 --> 00:41:49,184
successfully being poly because

693
00:41:49,352 --> 00:41:53,088
I know how hard that is. Like, I know how hard

694
00:41:53,144 --> 00:41:56,864
the experiences are. Yeah. And I'm not envious of

695
00:41:56,872 --> 00:42:00,304
that. Some people have it really, really well figured

696
00:42:00,352 --> 00:42:04,114
out and some people don't. You know, some people are just kind of flying by

697
00:42:04,122 --> 00:42:08,226
the seat of their pants. There's people that, you see, this isn't

698
00:42:08,258 --> 00:42:10,470
going to work out. It's probably not a great idea.

699
00:42:11,290 --> 00:42:14,818
We, we've had people tell us, hey, you know, we,

700
00:42:14,874 --> 00:42:17,750
we've been in the lifestyle, but we're considering poly.

701
00:42:18,250 --> 00:42:20,594
You know what, what can you tell us about that? And the first thing I

702
00:42:20,602 --> 00:42:23,430
want to tell him is don't do it, guy. I've seen your marriage.

703
00:42:24,490 --> 00:42:28,226
I know what you, you guys shouldn't even be lifestyle, much less Polly. Exactly.

704
00:42:28,258 --> 00:42:32,000
You know what I mean? Like there's, there's certain people that you, you know,

705
00:42:32,300 --> 00:42:35,540
it's just not going to work because it takes a

706
00:42:35,580 --> 00:42:39,412
very strong, solid relationship before you

707
00:42:39,436 --> 00:42:43,828
can even consider having those talks. And I mean, don't go into any lifestyle

708
00:42:44,004 --> 00:42:48,276
without having really in depth conversations about

709
00:42:48,348 --> 00:42:52,240
how you're feeling and what you want. Oh, yeah. You know, that's the one thing

710
00:42:52,860 --> 00:42:56,212
we went into poly without really having in depthation. One of us

711
00:42:56,236 --> 00:42:59,750
was ready to go in and one of us was not ready to go in,

712
00:42:59,790 --> 00:43:03,158
but we did it anyway. We did it anyway. So it can

713
00:43:03,214 --> 00:43:06,454
work for some people. And it has worked for some people. We have friends who

714
00:43:06,462 --> 00:43:09,654
have been poly for, God, 15 years.

715
00:43:09,742 --> 00:43:13,526
Yeah. And it worked for them. And we have friends

716
00:43:13,598 --> 00:43:16,694
that Polly destroyed them. Yeah.

717
00:43:16,742 --> 00:43:19,330
And we have friends that are, that, you know, they,

718
00:43:20,110 --> 00:43:23,862
they shouldn't be together. Yeah. And we have friends that the

719
00:43:23,886 --> 00:43:26,486
lifestyle just in general has Destroyed them.

720
00:43:26,558 --> 00:43:30,684
Yeah. Because of lack of communication. Right. It really just comes down to that.

721
00:43:30,852 --> 00:43:35,308
So, I mean, if you're. If you're already in an unstable relationship,

722
00:43:35,404 --> 00:43:38,748
you should really sit back and

723
00:43:38,804 --> 00:43:41,868
think about what you want. Yeah, yeah. And talk it out. Like,

724
00:43:41,924 --> 00:43:44,940
really do not do what we did. Well,

725
00:43:44,980 --> 00:43:48,252
now, you know, I am a. We were talking about

726
00:43:48,276 --> 00:43:51,916
this the other day in that our views on

727
00:43:51,988 --> 00:43:55,652
our poly experiences are very different because whenever we talk

728
00:43:55,676 --> 00:43:58,724
about poly, you have very negative views about

729
00:43:58,812 --> 00:44:02,452
our experiences, and understandably so. Yes. And when I

730
00:44:02,476 --> 00:44:05,748
look at our poly, I look at it and go,

731
00:44:05,884 --> 00:44:09,396
we were successful. We're not poly anymore,

732
00:44:09,508 --> 00:44:13,040
but we were successful in the fact that we grew as people

733
00:44:13,580 --> 00:44:17,060
from those experiences. No, very true. I mean, I can

734
00:44:17,100 --> 00:44:20,452
talk to you about anything and I express to

735
00:44:20,476 --> 00:44:23,950
you how I feel about everything,

736
00:44:24,570 --> 00:44:28,002
and it. It makes you

737
00:44:28,026 --> 00:44:31,150
crazy. But I'm like, it is what it is, man.

738
00:44:31,850 --> 00:44:34,978
You're very open. And we are going to. Yeah, we're going to agree

739
00:44:35,034 --> 00:44:38,386
to disagree. We'll touch back that subject later.

740
00:44:38,538 --> 00:44:42,030
But I am very. Now I'm very. About what I want,

741
00:44:42,890 --> 00:44:46,578
what I think we should do, or we should handle

742
00:44:46,594 --> 00:44:49,836
this, and then we discuss it. Yeah, yeah. And what's good is that,

743
00:44:49,988 --> 00:44:53,628
yes, you are more open and upfront and direct about what

744
00:44:53,684 --> 00:44:57,260
you want and, you know, your needs and that sort of thing,

745
00:44:57,380 --> 00:45:00,572
but at the same time, you do sit down at the table and have

746
00:45:00,596 --> 00:45:03,948
the discussion with me, and you'll negotiate with me if

747
00:45:04,084 --> 00:45:07,500
maybe I'm not 100% on your side. Yeah. You know, and we'll work things

748
00:45:07,540 --> 00:45:11,004
out. This is not the way it was before we were poly.

749
00:45:11,052 --> 00:45:15,038
Before we were poly, you were very submissive, and you're still very submissive to me,

750
00:45:15,164 --> 00:45:19,242
but completely submissive to me. Whatever I said

751
00:45:19,426 --> 00:45:23,750
we would do. Yes. And, you know, occasionally you would kind of

752
00:45:24,290 --> 00:45:27,610
make it known that you didn't care for something or whatever, but you'd be like,

753
00:45:27,650 --> 00:45:30,922
we can do this. It's fine. Not so much anymore.

754
00:45:30,986 --> 00:45:34,970
Now you're pretty. You're very, very open about how you feel and what.

755
00:45:35,090 --> 00:45:37,578
What you disagree with, what you don't want to do. Like. Like, I can straight

756
00:45:37,594 --> 00:45:41,428
up ask you, hey, can, you know, can we be poly? And no.

757
00:45:41,564 --> 00:45:44,548
And you know what? I. That. Yeah.

758
00:45:44,724 --> 00:45:48,484
Because if you looked at me, knowing full well what I know about you now.

759
00:45:48,572 --> 00:45:51,812
Yeah. If you looked at me and went, yeah, I guess we can

760
00:45:51,836 --> 00:45:55,796
try it. I will know that that is not you saying that.

761
00:45:55,868 --> 00:45:59,860
No. Very direct now on my answers. Yeah. Yeah. Because it. It really has.

762
00:45:59,900 --> 00:46:03,812
It taught me, for me, it was negative. But it did teach

763
00:46:03,876 --> 00:46:08,826
me how to just straight up and say

764
00:46:08,898 --> 00:46:12,282
what I want and what I feel. I mean, you and

765
00:46:12,306 --> 00:46:15,754
I still have talks about the lifestyle

766
00:46:15,882 --> 00:46:19,738
and what we want from it. Yeah. And I

767
00:46:19,794 --> 00:46:22,602
know how to talk to you and how to put it in a certain way.

768
00:46:22,626 --> 00:46:24,858
And you know how to talk to me and put it in a certain way.

769
00:46:24,914 --> 00:46:27,994
Yeah. So, yeah, we have definitely grown.

770
00:46:28,122 --> 00:46:30,970
We have grown. And so because of that. That's what I was saying. I.

771
00:46:31,010 --> 00:46:34,626
I don't feel like our experience was necessarily negative.

772
00:46:34,778 --> 00:46:38,130
Yeah. You can look back on it and you focus on all the things

773
00:46:38,250 --> 00:46:41,570
that you felt you did wrong. And I think that's.

774
00:46:41,650 --> 00:46:44,882
That's not great, because realistically, there was

775
00:46:44,906 --> 00:46:48,706
a lot that we did right. Yeah. There was a lot that we did

776
00:46:48,778 --> 00:46:52,482
right for the sake of our own relationship. There was

777
00:46:52,506 --> 00:46:55,602
a lot that we did right for the sake of our own mental health.

778
00:46:55,706 --> 00:46:59,122
And getting out of it was something that we should have done. And the way

779
00:46:59,146 --> 00:47:02,252
we did. It worked. It did. It worked.

780
00:47:02,316 --> 00:47:06,444
It did. It did. But I think that whole experience made you

781
00:47:06,532 --> 00:47:10,956
say, I need to make this change as far as our communication.

782
00:47:11,068 --> 00:47:14,412
Yeah. How we do things. And I couldn't agree with you

783
00:47:14,436 --> 00:47:17,884
more. And I feel because of that, we were successfully

784
00:47:17,932 --> 00:47:21,724
poly. Yeah. And we got out of our experience successfully.

785
00:47:21,852 --> 00:47:25,052
Yes. Yeah. And so when people talk to me about it and they're like,

786
00:47:25,076 --> 00:47:29,180
well, I'm considering doing this, I will give them a 100%

787
00:47:29,300 --> 00:47:32,844
open and honest. This is what we went through.

788
00:47:33,012 --> 00:47:36,572
This is what I think. And when people talk to you

789
00:47:36,596 --> 00:47:40,044
about it, you're like, oh, are you serious? You don't want

790
00:47:40,052 --> 00:47:43,052
to do that. You don't want to do that. Trust me. Here's what. I don't

791
00:47:43,116 --> 00:47:46,380
say that pretty much. I have heard you say that. I mean,

792
00:47:46,420 --> 00:47:49,960
I. If a friend comes up to me, he's like, well, I'm really suggesting this.

793
00:47:50,340 --> 00:47:53,742
I already know my friend. I'm gonna. I probably already know

794
00:47:53,766 --> 00:47:57,438
their relationships. I'm gonna be very honest with them. Yeah. Like,

795
00:47:57,494 --> 00:47:59,610
there's nothing wrong with that. But at the same time,

796
00:48:00,390 --> 00:48:04,398
I'm a big believer. And you don't discourage. Right. Because while

797
00:48:04,534 --> 00:48:08,766
you may know their relationship and you may know them as friends, nobody knows

798
00:48:08,798 --> 00:48:12,254
what's going on behind closed doors. No. Nobody but them.

799
00:48:12,342 --> 00:48:15,822
No. And you just never know. I mean, you just

800
00:48:15,846 --> 00:48:18,782
never know. The way I talk to you is the way I talk to my

801
00:48:18,806 --> 00:48:22,030
friend. So I'm very straight up and forward. Don't I know it?

802
00:48:22,070 --> 00:48:25,516
And your friends know it too. Believe that. Very straight

803
00:48:25,548 --> 00:48:28,348
up forward. I Mean, yeah, no, I.

804
00:48:28,404 --> 00:48:31,880
I agree. But, you know, I think

805
00:48:32,820 --> 00:48:35,932
I've said it a billion times. I'm really thankful for

806
00:48:36,036 --> 00:48:39,500
our experiences in poly. I'm glad that you were

807
00:48:39,540 --> 00:48:43,132
on board to give it a try. Yeah. And not just give

808
00:48:43,156 --> 00:48:45,884
it a try for six months and go, no, I don't like this.

809
00:48:46,052 --> 00:48:48,364
Like, we gave it five years.

810
00:48:48,452 --> 00:48:51,240
Yeah. Five very long years. Yes.

811
00:48:51,420 --> 00:48:54,176
At a very, very crazy time. Yes.

812
00:48:54,288 --> 00:48:57,504
And, you know, I had some really interesting

813
00:48:57,552 --> 00:49:01,100
experiences. Now, if it weren't for that poly experience,

814
00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:04,880
we certainly wouldn't be having separate conversations with

815
00:49:04,920 --> 00:49:08,592
people. No. Or having separate friends with benefits and

816
00:49:08,616 --> 00:49:12,064
things like that. Like, what we're doing now is really

817
00:49:12,152 --> 00:49:16,634
because of our experiences from Poly. I will 110%

818
00:49:16,752 --> 00:49:20,390
agree with you on that. Yeah. Because, like, we wouldn't happen. No. I was

819
00:49:20,430 --> 00:49:23,382
very insecure. Yeah.

820
00:49:23,446 --> 00:49:26,758
Super insecure. Yeah. But we didn't

821
00:49:26,774 --> 00:49:30,166
have communication the way we have now. That is true, too. So you,

822
00:49:30,238 --> 00:49:33,930
you know, not that you hide anything, but we just don't.

823
00:49:34,430 --> 00:49:37,750
We're just very different now. It's very open.

824
00:49:37,870 --> 00:49:40,210
Very. Our communication is,

825
00:49:41,470 --> 00:49:44,908
like, on top. Like, I try to be more open.

826
00:49:45,044 --> 00:49:48,684
I mean, I don't hide anything. But it's one of those things where we didn't

827
00:49:48,732 --> 00:49:52,588
talk about a whole lot of stuff that

828
00:49:52,644 --> 00:49:55,740
were. We didn't like to have a whole lot of uncomfortable conversations.

829
00:49:55,820 --> 00:49:59,500
Right. And then we got used to having uncomfortable conversations because

830
00:49:59,540 --> 00:50:02,840
of Polly. And now afterwards, I know

831
00:50:03,540 --> 00:50:06,620
I can sit here and tell you, hey, I need your best friends right now.

832
00:50:06,660 --> 00:50:10,204
Yeah. And this is what I'm feeling. Yeah. This is what I'm thinking.

833
00:50:10,252 --> 00:50:14,124
Yeah. Or this is what I want to do. Yeah. And you know. Okay.

834
00:50:14,172 --> 00:50:17,676
When I. When I tell you I need your best friend ears

835
00:50:17,708 --> 00:50:20,988
or when you tell me. Yeah. We both know that we shouldn't be reacting.

836
00:50:21,084 --> 00:50:25,052
No. We just need to listen. Yes. We need to process. And then

837
00:50:25,076 --> 00:50:28,220
when it's our turn to speak, we'll talk. Yes. You know what I mean?

838
00:50:28,260 --> 00:50:30,924
Yeah. And it's worked. It has. It has worked.

839
00:50:30,972 --> 00:50:34,940
Yeah. And we. We have great conversations. And I think it's.

840
00:50:35,020 --> 00:50:38,204
It's been one of those things where you're like, well, I don't really understand,

841
00:50:38,292 --> 00:50:41,430
but I'll think about it and pro. Let me process it.

842
00:50:41,470 --> 00:50:44,774
You tell me. Let me process it and I'll get back to you. Yes.

843
00:50:44,822 --> 00:50:48,614
Okay. That's my way now. Yeah. Okay. Let me process it. And let me.

844
00:50:48,702 --> 00:50:52,726
And I mean, it's poly.

845
00:50:52,758 --> 00:50:56,534
Is everybody. The lifestyle isn't for everybody. It really isn't. You know,

846
00:50:56,622 --> 00:51:00,342
you just said something and it was like, exactly like you need to

847
00:51:00,366 --> 00:51:03,814
be open to communication. You need to be open to

848
00:51:03,902 --> 00:51:07,654
being best friends and understanding that you

849
00:51:07,742 --> 00:51:10,678
both are probably coming from two different angles.

850
00:51:10,854 --> 00:51:14,438
You're not going to poly the same, but you need to at least talk about.

851
00:51:14,494 --> 00:51:17,930
Yeah. Because if you're, if you're having the conversation as a married couple,

852
00:51:18,350 --> 00:51:21,370
then if I tell my wife,

853
00:51:21,870 --> 00:51:25,890
man, you know, I really, I want to see this woman

854
00:51:26,750 --> 00:51:30,610
by myself. Yeah. I want to have some sort of relationship with her

855
00:51:30,920 --> 00:51:35,152
as my wife. My wife would look at me and go, fuck that.

856
00:51:35,256 --> 00:51:38,752
Yeah. Just for you wanting that, I had. To smack you just

857
00:51:38,776 --> 00:51:42,240
for even bringing it up. And, but my

858
00:51:42,280 --> 00:51:45,520
best friend. Yeah, I can say that too. And my best

859
00:51:45,560 --> 00:51:48,300
friend would go, okay, well,

860
00:51:49,080 --> 00:51:51,776
it's probably not the best of ideas and here's why.

861
00:51:51,848 --> 00:51:54,896
Yeah. You know, and then you can break it down as a best friend.

862
00:51:54,968 --> 00:51:58,380
Yeah. And then after that, once that talk is held,

863
00:51:58,940 --> 00:52:02,532
you're already pretty calm and cool and you can go now from a married

864
00:52:02,596 --> 00:52:04,840
woman aspect, from your aspect.

865
00:52:05,580 --> 00:52:09,092
That. Yeah, yeah. And I mean, that's pretty much how

866
00:52:09,116 --> 00:52:12,036
we handle every conversation. Yeah. You know,

867
00:52:12,188 --> 00:52:15,732
it's because I am very reactive. You are,

868
00:52:15,836 --> 00:52:19,812
but you've gotten better. I have, I've gotten better, but I am very reactive.

869
00:52:19,956 --> 00:52:23,720
And you're very understanding.

870
00:52:24,150 --> 00:52:27,710
More so now. Trying. I'm trying. Yeah, for sure. I,

871
00:52:27,750 --> 00:52:31,870
I, it's our conversations that we have these in depth conversations

872
00:52:31,950 --> 00:52:35,758
that we have on a regular basis that have really made me

873
00:52:35,814 --> 00:52:39,278
learn your thought processes

874
00:52:39,454 --> 00:52:42,910
and what you go through and, and just kind of,

875
00:52:43,030 --> 00:52:46,190
I can normally, now I can normally figure out

876
00:52:46,230 --> 00:52:49,832
how you're going to react to something beforehand. Right. Um,

877
00:52:49,896 --> 00:52:53,620
so like a good example is, you know,

878
00:52:53,920 --> 00:52:57,896
we're, we're out at an event and

879
00:52:57,968 --> 00:53:01,368
you and I, we're, we're meeting people and we're sitting there at a table

880
00:53:01,544 --> 00:53:05,144
and this girl comes up and she introduces herself to

881
00:53:05,152 --> 00:53:08,312
you and she says, oh yeah,

882
00:53:08,456 --> 00:53:11,736
me and your husband, we've been talking for about a year now. We've been talking

883
00:53:11,768 --> 00:53:15,288
for a while now. And just, just, just hearing

884
00:53:15,384 --> 00:53:18,940
that from phrase. Me and your husband, we've been talking for

885
00:53:18,980 --> 00:53:22,860
a while now. The way it was phrased, I knew,

886
00:53:23,020 --> 00:53:26,140
like, just hearing her say it to you, I knew, I was like,

887
00:53:26,180 --> 00:53:29,484
ah, dude, why'd you have to put it that way? Here we go. Yeah.

888
00:53:29,532 --> 00:53:32,444
And then I saw the face and I was like, okay,

889
00:53:32,492 --> 00:53:35,708
we're gonna, we're gonna revisit this one. Yeah. Later. I don't,

890
00:53:35,804 --> 00:53:39,692
yeah, yeah, I don't, like, even when it's posted, it's like,

891
00:53:39,796 --> 00:53:43,536
oh, hey, is, you know, like. But how do you phrase.

892
00:53:43,648 --> 00:53:47,180
I know? So I do not. Like,

893
00:53:47,720 --> 00:53:50,928
I know the conversation is going with whomever.

894
00:53:51,024 --> 00:53:54,272
Right. You're talking to. I know the exchanges that

895
00:53:54,296 --> 00:53:57,300
are happening Right. Between you and whomever.

896
00:53:58,440 --> 00:54:02,960
And like, if you post something or like a. Or somebody commenting

897
00:54:03,040 --> 00:54:06,736
like, oh, doesn't that look familiar?

898
00:54:06,768 --> 00:54:10,552
Or hey, aren't you getting. You know, it's all about, like an

899
00:54:10,576 --> 00:54:14,056
inside joke. Yeah. Like an inside. Yeah. Like, you know what that's all about,

900
00:54:14,208 --> 00:54:17,020
right, Adam? And it's like, okay,

901
00:54:17,840 --> 00:54:22,440
keep it to yourself as you

902
00:54:22,480 --> 00:54:26,104
do you like that conversation? Is that conversation going? Well, Keep it to yourself

903
00:54:26,152 --> 00:54:30,008
where it's going to end. But. Well, so that's the thing is

904
00:54:30,144 --> 00:54:33,288
I. Don'T need to know. Like, but they're not. So, like,

905
00:54:33,344 --> 00:54:37,080
what you just. The. The example that you just put out

906
00:54:37,460 --> 00:54:40,700
that specifically isn't put out

907
00:54:40,740 --> 00:54:43,996
there to catch your attention and make you feel bad.

908
00:54:44,148 --> 00:54:47,692
It's. Now, how do you know that you're my attention. But how do you

909
00:54:47,716 --> 00:54:51,372
know that. But see, why would. Why would anybody want to get a rise out

910
00:54:51,396 --> 00:54:54,892
of you for that if they're enjoying me as a person

911
00:54:55,076 --> 00:54:58,572
and they know what our dynamic is. Yeah. And they know

912
00:54:58,596 --> 00:55:02,540
where they fit into all of that. Yeah. How do you know

913
00:55:02,840 --> 00:55:06,080
that they would be going out of their way just to upset you?

914
00:55:06,120 --> 00:55:09,456
And. And it's probably not. And I actually. You know what? I guarantee you it's

915
00:55:09,488 --> 00:55:12,176
not. I guarantee you it's not. I can. That it's not.

916
00:55:12,328 --> 00:55:16,672
It's not done to get any reaction from.

917
00:55:16,856 --> 00:55:20,860
Well, primarily because people know

918
00:55:21,960 --> 00:55:25,408
how you feel about a lot of stuff. Yeah. You're not very

919
00:55:25,464 --> 00:55:28,704
quiet even if you take the podcast away. Right. There's a lot

920
00:55:28,712 --> 00:55:32,196
of people that don't. These people don't.

921
00:55:32,368 --> 00:55:35,452
That. I don't like that.

922
00:55:35,556 --> 00:55:38,828
Now, can I pinpoint why I don't like that? I don't.

923
00:55:38,924 --> 00:55:42,252
I don't know. It's just something that irks you. It's something that irks

924
00:55:42,316 --> 00:55:45,724
me. I. I don't know why it bothers me,

925
00:55:45,892 --> 00:55:49,196
but, yeah, you're right. They're definite. I know for a fact

926
00:55:49,268 --> 00:55:52,012
these people are not doing it to get a rise out of me. No,

927
00:55:52,036 --> 00:55:55,580
it's. And a lot of times it's because we tout our

928
00:55:55,620 --> 00:55:59,292
great relationship. Yeah. And they're so open and honest with each other and

929
00:55:59,316 --> 00:56:02,920
whatnot. And you don't really care. Maybe. I think you're right on.

930
00:56:03,350 --> 00:56:06,974
I don't care for the inside jokes. Really? Yeah.

931
00:56:07,102 --> 00:56:10,798
Like, just not. Not my

932
00:56:10,854 --> 00:56:15,090
thing. Like. Nah. Not. No. No cutesiness.

933
00:56:16,790 --> 00:56:19,998
No cutesiness. But you do it. You have,

934
00:56:20,054 --> 00:56:23,262
you have that with friends. Like, things get posted and this and

935
00:56:23,286 --> 00:56:26,638
that. No, I'm pretty sure. Because I'm

936
00:56:26,654 --> 00:56:29,214
not like that. I'm not like that either. No, you know what I mean?

937
00:56:29,222 --> 00:56:31,850
Like, I'm not like that. What do you mean? Like, I'm not, I'm not one

938
00:56:31,890 --> 00:56:35,370
to say, hey, John Smith. Does that

939
00:56:35,410 --> 00:56:38,666
sound familiar? Yeah. You're not one to do that, but other people are.

940
00:56:38,738 --> 00:56:41,242
No, I'm not doing that. Yeah, no, no, I know that. But I'm saying.

941
00:56:41,266 --> 00:56:44,282
That's what I'm saying. Like, I'm not that girl. Like, I'm not gonna, I'm not

942
00:56:44,306 --> 00:56:47,898
gonna be like, oh, hey, does this sound familiar to you?

943
00:56:47,954 --> 00:56:50,874
You know, like, that's just not me. I don't like the inside joke thing.

944
00:56:51,042 --> 00:56:54,666
Not. It's not cutesy to me, but I mean, some people do.

945
00:56:54,818 --> 00:56:57,882
And you're. You are very right that they are not doing it to get

946
00:56:57,906 --> 00:57:00,878
a rise out of me. They don't even know that it gets every. Only,

947
00:57:00,934 --> 00:57:04,782
you know. Well, now everybody listening. But, you know. Yeah.

948
00:57:04,846 --> 00:57:08,366
You know that it, it, it's just something. There's been times where we have.

949
00:57:08,438 --> 00:57:12,062
We've been together out someplace and somebody has said something and

950
00:57:12,086 --> 00:57:15,690
I'm just like, why did you say that?

951
00:57:16,230 --> 00:57:18,542
Now I'm going to hear about that on the road. You know what it is?

952
00:57:18,566 --> 00:57:21,742
And it's funny that you know it because you and I just know

953
00:57:21,766 --> 00:57:25,182
it. Right? Yeah. You know, I'm like, really? Yeah. And we

954
00:57:25,206 --> 00:57:28,698
make eye contact and it's like, damn it, we're gonna

955
00:57:28,714 --> 00:57:32,266
get along just fine right now. Hey,

956
00:57:32,298 --> 00:57:35,310
there's just little things. I can't help it. Oh,

957
00:57:35,730 --> 00:57:39,210
you can help it. You can, you can help it for

958
00:57:39,250 --> 00:57:42,938
sure. But I, you know, I think that I,

959
00:57:42,994 --> 00:57:46,362
you know, I, I wouldn't change it. No, I think that everything that

960
00:57:46,386 --> 00:57:50,154
been through and everything that we've done, it has led

961
00:57:50,162 --> 00:57:52,810
to this and, and are going through it. Yeah. It's led us to this.

962
00:57:52,850 --> 00:57:55,984
And I personally think that where we are in our journey, where we

963
00:57:55,992 --> 00:57:59,344
are in our lifestyle journey is a great place,

964
00:57:59,432 --> 00:58:02,592
you know, and we're still growing. Yes.

965
00:58:02,656 --> 00:58:05,712
And I don't know what our goals are for this lifestyle.

966
00:58:05,776 --> 00:58:09,232
I don't know what's going to happen. I. We're not planning it. We're just

967
00:58:09,256 --> 00:58:12,608
kind of going. We're going for the ride. We're going for the ride.

968
00:58:12,704 --> 00:58:16,272
And everything that comes up, we're going to talk about. We're going to work it

969
00:58:16,296 --> 00:58:20,266
Out. But I guess the.

970
00:58:20,448 --> 00:58:23,798
The real thing to say is I personally believe.

971
00:58:23,854 --> 00:58:27,942
I believe poly and ethical non monogamy is great.

972
00:58:28,126 --> 00:58:32,038
I am a big advocate for ethical non monogamy and polyamory.

973
00:58:32,134 --> 00:58:35,718
Yeah. I think that it can work

974
00:58:35,774 --> 00:58:39,046
wonders for relationships. I also think it can be detrimental

975
00:58:39,158 --> 00:58:42,486
for relationships. For sure. I think that being poly,

976
00:58:42,518 --> 00:58:45,782
you can be poly not only as a couple, but you

977
00:58:45,806 --> 00:58:48,570
can be poly as a single person. Yeah.

978
00:58:48,990 --> 00:58:52,160
I just think ethical non monogamy, period,

979
00:58:52,460 --> 00:58:56,692
is where it's at. Yeah. Because you can have your

980
00:58:56,716 --> 00:59:00,000
cake and eat it too. Yes. Because they tell you that all the time.

981
00:59:01,500 --> 00:59:04,500
I just bake the. I'm going eat it. You know what I'm saying? That's right.

982
00:59:04,540 --> 00:59:08,356
And so I really believe that that ethical non monogamy

983
00:59:08,388 --> 00:59:12,756
and polyamory, I think they're a beautiful thing when you can successfully

984
00:59:12,788 --> 00:59:16,260
pull it off. Yeah. Communication. Communication, communication. Like,

985
00:59:16,300 --> 00:59:19,884
you have to be able to have those uncomfortable feelings,

986
00:59:20,052 --> 00:59:22,160
those uncomfortable conversations,

987
00:59:22,980 --> 00:59:26,828
and just spit it out. You see, like, for us,

988
00:59:26,964 --> 00:59:30,540
if I say something, you're gonna let it

989
00:59:30,580 --> 00:59:33,660
sit and then come back. We're gonna come back. So, like, you have

990
00:59:33,700 --> 00:59:36,508
to be able to have those uncomfortable conversations.

991
00:59:36,604 --> 00:59:40,460
Yeah. And it. It may just work for you, but either way,

992
00:59:40,580 --> 00:59:44,476
any kind of lifestyle, communication, man. All the way.

993
00:59:44,548 --> 00:59:47,900
All the way. And, you know, even without the lifestyle, just be monogamous relationship

994
00:59:47,980 --> 00:59:52,324
unit. But you don't realize just how much that,

995
00:59:52,412 --> 00:59:55,764
like, you know, couples will talk about their day,

996
00:59:55,932 --> 00:59:59,892
they'll talk about this and that, but they'll never realize

997
01:00:00,036 --> 01:00:03,396
just how much they need to communicate because there's

998
01:00:03,428 --> 01:00:07,156
a lot going on internally that they don't talk about with each other.

999
01:00:07,228 --> 01:00:10,708
Yeah. And luckily we've reached that. Where every single

1000
01:00:10,724 --> 01:00:14,666
thing inside. Yeah. We deal with. We kind of

1001
01:00:14,788 --> 01:00:17,982
word vomited out to each other. I do. Especially me. I am an

1002
01:00:18,006 --> 01:00:21,550
oversharer. So if there's something that I just do, like, I will tell

1003
01:00:21,590 --> 01:00:25,566
you about it, and then I'll be like, I'm processing it, but I just wanted

1004
01:00:25,598 --> 01:00:29,230
to get it off my brain. And then can we talk about it

1005
01:00:29,270 --> 01:00:32,718
later? Like, this is not probably the best time to talk about it just because

1006
01:00:32,854 --> 01:00:37,262
I'm a reactor. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And so I've learned that

1007
01:00:37,366 --> 01:00:40,648
that's your process and that you need to

1008
01:00:40,814 --> 01:00:44,628
kind of throw it all out and then go, we can revisit

1009
01:00:44,644 --> 01:00:47,764
this later. But I just need to say this. Cool. And I have those moments

1010
01:00:47,812 --> 01:00:51,252
too, where I'm just like, look, I just need to say this now to get

1011
01:00:51,276 --> 01:00:54,500
it off my chest. We can talk about it later. Yeah, exactly.

1012
01:00:54,580 --> 01:00:57,940
Exactly. Because if I'm kind of person that if I don't let out

1013
01:00:57,980 --> 01:01:01,332
the feelings immediately, I'm gonna hold on to

1014
01:01:01,356 --> 01:01:05,076
it. It's gonna eat me up inside. And. Yeah, it's gonna change.

1015
01:01:05,148 --> 01:01:09,396
It's gonna. My demeanor. Yeah. And people know me to be very talkative

1016
01:01:09,508 --> 01:01:13,546
and laughing and making people laugh and very jovial,

1017
01:01:13,738 --> 01:01:17,498
but when I have things on my mind, I get very quiet and

1018
01:01:17,554 --> 01:01:20,522
I get very reserved. Yeah. And so then all of a sudden, it's like,

1019
01:01:20,546 --> 01:01:23,930
well, what's wrong with Adam? Why. Why is Adam so quiet?

1020
01:01:24,090 --> 01:01:27,866
What's happening? And people start. People start thinking like it's the end of the world.

1021
01:01:28,018 --> 01:01:31,110
Why is Adam sitting there by himself not talking? And it's like, I don't know.

1022
01:01:33,090 --> 01:01:36,320
Nobody cares. All of a sudden, somebody cares, you know?

1023
01:01:36,490 --> 01:01:39,828
But I'm so used to it that I'm like, I don't know.

1024
01:01:39,884 --> 01:01:43,812
Go ask and see. This is why I would consider Polly again just

1025
01:01:43,836 --> 01:01:47,764
to have a girlfriend tell me I care about what you think.

1026
01:01:47,932 --> 01:01:51,540
How about that? Oh, well, yeah. You see, this is. This is

1027
01:01:51,580 --> 01:01:54,932
called open communication here. This is what happens when you become poly for five

1028
01:01:54,956 --> 01:01:57,880
years and then you end it. And this. This is what happens. Yeah.

1029
01:01:59,340 --> 01:02:02,822
This is the baby that's born. That's. That's what's happening. Anyways, I think

1030
01:02:02,846 --> 01:02:06,422
that this has been a very fun and very revealing conversation.

1031
01:02:06,486 --> 01:02:09,238
It wasn't so bad. Even though you had a small little breakdown in the middle

1032
01:02:09,254 --> 01:02:13,014
of it. I know you and your emotions. Jeez.

1033
01:02:13,142 --> 01:02:16,182
Anyways, I love talking about this, and, you know, this is not

1034
01:02:16,206 --> 01:02:19,366
going to be the last conversation we have, so. No. Get your tissues

1035
01:02:19,398 --> 01:02:22,150
ready. At some point, we are going to be bringing this up again. I would

1036
01:02:22,190 --> 01:02:25,830
like to personally talk to other polyamorous people

1037
01:02:25,870 --> 01:02:29,968
who have had successful relationships and maybe are currently having sex.

1038
01:02:30,134 --> 01:02:33,500
Successful relationships? Yeah. And just kind of pick

1039
01:02:33,540 --> 01:02:37,452
their brain and talk about that. Because I really, really feel like

1040
01:02:37,636 --> 01:02:41,320
this is an avenue that a lot of people are curious about.

1041
01:02:42,660 --> 01:02:47,612
I think that there's a lot of people in the lifestyle who consider polyamory,

1042
01:02:47,756 --> 01:02:51,212
and I think that the discussion needs to be held because you need to

1043
01:02:51,236 --> 01:02:55,384
know what you're getting into. You jump into it. Yeah. Just for sure. I agree.

1044
01:02:55,492 --> 01:02:59,008
I agree. So I'm. I'm glad that we can have these open and

1045
01:02:59,064 --> 01:03:02,528
honest conversations. It. Even if it makes me uncomfortable,

1046
01:03:02,624 --> 01:03:06,400
I can still have them with you. You are my best friend. You're mine.

1047
01:03:06,480 --> 01:03:10,080
Which I think is amazing, because I've always wanted to

1048
01:03:10,120 --> 01:03:15,140
have a really, really beautiful best friend. Previous to you Dogs.

1049
01:03:15,720 --> 01:03:19,600
Dogs. Both figuratively and literally.

1050
01:03:19,760 --> 01:03:23,456
Nice. Rough. That's right. So it's nice

1051
01:03:23,488 --> 01:03:27,690
to have a best friend to. To look at. That looks amazingly hot.

1052
01:03:27,990 --> 01:03:30,894
You know, I think you're pretty hot too,

1053
01:03:30,982 --> 01:03:35,070
dude. I am, right? You sure

1054
01:03:35,110 --> 01:03:38,446
did state the obvious. Anyways, this hot guy is going to say goodbye

1055
01:03:38,478 --> 01:03:42,062
to all of you wonderful people out there listening all over

1056
01:03:42,086 --> 01:03:45,822
the place. Thank you so much for tuning in and listening to

1057
01:03:45,846 --> 01:03:49,678
us rant and rave. We have obviously had some really good

1058
01:03:49,734 --> 01:03:53,364
and really bad experiences. What you're hearing on this conversation,

1059
01:03:53,462 --> 01:03:56,696
this is us. This is our life,

1060
01:03:56,768 --> 01:04:00,504
and this is our. This is our conversations. This. This is not something that

1061
01:04:00,512 --> 01:04:03,260
we put together for the sake of this show. Yeah,

1062
01:04:03,680 --> 01:04:06,936
these are. These are things that we talk about. This is what we've been through.

1063
01:04:07,088 --> 01:04:10,120
And it's okay to talk to your spouse,

1064
01:04:10,200 --> 01:04:13,960
your partner, your friends with

1065
01:04:14,000 --> 01:04:18,020
that same open communication. I think it's personally important

1066
01:04:18,320 --> 01:04:21,672
for personal growth. And, you know,

1067
01:04:21,696 --> 01:04:25,540
I. I really hope that our story can help you

1068
01:04:25,840 --> 01:04:29,320
figure out what you want to do and maybe figure out where you can

1069
01:04:29,360 --> 01:04:32,712
fix things if you're struggling. Yeah. And so if

1070
01:04:32,736 --> 01:04:35,624
you have any questions, if you have any stories, if you have anything you want

1071
01:04:35,632 --> 01:04:39,000
to throw at us, feel free to contact us. We do have

1072
01:04:39,040 --> 01:04:42,792
our beyond monogamy email address that's beyond monogamy

1073
01:04:42,856 --> 01:04:46,946
for you, mail.com. so that's beyond monogamy number four

1074
01:04:47,018 --> 01:04:49,630
letter, umail.com.

1075
01:04:50,730 --> 01:04:54,226
maybe you've got a story you want heard on the air

1076
01:04:54,298 --> 01:04:57,442
or you want something for us to visit.

1077
01:04:57,626 --> 01:05:01,282
We certainly do welcome it. So be on the lookout,

1078
01:05:01,426 --> 01:05:04,750
scope out our social medias if you can.

1079
01:05:05,050 --> 01:05:08,962
Just look up beyond monogamy for you with Adam

1080
01:05:09,026 --> 01:05:12,514
and Pris or beyond monogamy. Beyond monogamy with Adam and Pris. With Adam and

1081
01:05:12,522 --> 01:05:15,426
Pris. And you'll find us on different social medias, but we're also going to tag

1082
01:05:15,458 --> 01:05:18,626
them when we post this video that we usually do before

1083
01:05:18,698 --> 01:05:21,922
we drop every episode. Absolutely. So be on the

1084
01:05:21,946 --> 01:05:25,350
lookout. We're on TikTok, we're on Facebook, Instagram,

1085
01:05:26,010 --> 01:05:29,586
Snap, you name it, we are there. So you've

1086
01:05:29,618 --> 01:05:33,346
got ways of contacting us. Hit us up. Let us see what you've

1087
01:05:33,378 --> 01:05:36,994
got to say. With that being said, thank you for joining us

1088
01:05:37,162 --> 01:05:40,178
for a very revealing conversation in chat

1089
01:05:40,354 --> 01:05:42,754
and we will see you next week.

1090
01:06:09,180 --> 01:06:09,920
Sa.