Navigating the Third Wheel Dilemma in Non-Monogamous Relationships

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This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. We explore

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topics surrounding sexuality, intimate relationships, and related subjects

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in an open and candid manner. Please be advised that we are not licensed

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relationships, or mature language, we strongly recommend that you refrain

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from listening further. However, if you are of legal age and comfortable with this content,

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we invite you to settle in and enjoy the show.

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Hello, and welcome to another episode of Beyond Monogamy. I'm Adam.

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And I'm Bris. And today on our Wednesday Quickie, we will

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be discussing the third wheel. On our Wednesday quickie that may not be

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so quick. Yeah, third wheel. Third wheel. Third wheel. Third wheel. So you.

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It's recently come up in topic of discussion for us,

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and actually it's always been something that I've brought up since

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we started the journey. Yeah. Because we had it come up recently.

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A friend of ours was talking to us about a situation that they're

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having, and he had mentioned the fact that he felt

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like a third wheel. Yeah. When he's with his spouse

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and, you know, his spouse is connecting with somebody else

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in front of him, he doesn't know what

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all he should do. And I think I've said this before on a previous podcast

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as well, for myself, like, you just feel like a third wheel. You feel like,

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okay, they have this thing going on, and I'm just kind of sitting here by

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myself. It's a thing. And I've mentioned it before. You have? Probably before

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you even thought about it. Because that's how I felt during the poly

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when. No, when people. When we first started this, and people would just, like,

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kind of grab you and make out with you, and I would just be sitting.

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Standing there like the third wheel, like, okay, is this the thing now? And I

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just got to walk away. Yeah. But you were not a silent third wheel.

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You were a squeaky third wheel that was

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requiring grease. Because whenever that would happen, you would just literally pull

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me away from it. Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, this is more of a situation

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of, oh, I don't want to stop them from having their fun and

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their connection, but at the same time, I've got nothing else going on,

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and I'm just kind of sitting here with nowhere to look and no one to

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talk to. You know, I think there's different aspects of. There are. Yeah, you're probably

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right. Of feeling like a third wheel. Because I've. I feel

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Like a third wheel sometimes still. Yeah. When,

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when people don't know how to flirt with me and just

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do all like the flirting with the other person. We have had it come up

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in, in, in couple, on couple dates where

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maybe a couple is like more,

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you know, maybe the me and you know,

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because when, when, when couples go out with other couples,

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it's kind of regarded that the

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male of the opposite couple will flirt

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with the female of the other couple. Right,

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right. And because that's kind of the situation, you know,

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if we're going to do a couple swap, then I'm going to be into your

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wife and I'm going to flirt with her. And my wife is

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readily available for you to flirt with her. You know what I mean? Like,

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so it's kind of a cross talk, let's flirt with each other's wives situation.

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And on occasion it's been the case where,

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you know, I mean, I'm all about my wife, so I'll flirt with my wife

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and I'll flirt with the other wife. But sometimes

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there's an occasion where not everybody knows how to flirt.

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And so maybe you won't get flirted with or maybe I won't get flirted

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with or something like that. And then one of us ends up feeling like the

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third wheel in a, in a four way situation for sure.

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Yeah. And it feels kind of weird. It does, it does. Now it's not always

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because there's not a connection. I think it's

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just a lot of people just don't know how to socialize or flirt at times.

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I agree. But it's

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kind of made me wonder because I have had this for

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the longest time. When we started the journey, I realized that,

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you know, it was very woman centric and so without

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people getting to actually know us, when they

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would see us, it was like, oh my God, she's hot. And they come

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as a couple, so let's go ahead and meet up with them. Yeah. So I

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always felt like I was not given the attention

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in, in a lot of our early days.

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Yeah, you've mentioned that. Yeah, it happened. It was a thing. It was a

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thing. But once we kind of flipped the switch on it and we changed

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things to where it was less about getting the experiences

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and more about making connections. That's when I, I feel like things kind of changed.

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Yeah, no, it, it did, it did. Being more open to different

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connections definitely has changed at all.

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Yeah, yeah. I think, yeah. Especially, I mean,

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I think no matter what you're gonna, I don't want to Say, no matter

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what, you're gonna feel like the third wheel. I feel like it's an inter.

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It's an. It's a personal thing to feel that way sometimes.

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Like, for me, I think it was me creating.

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I know for sure it was me creating a scenario in my head that

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wasn't the case. But still I felt like the third wheel. Well, see, and that's

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the thing about it is, I mean, if you delve into it a little bit

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deeper, that feeling of the third wheel,

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it kind of coincides with insecurities

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or feelings of possibly a little bit of

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jealousy, you know, for sure. And compersion's a thing,

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obviously. And, you know, you can really try to feel compersion,

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but if you don't. Feel it, you just don't. And I am one of those

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people. Right. We've decided that. Yeah, you're not very good at. You do have

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moments. I have moments of compersion, but I'm not that person. No,

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what I find that helps you feel compersion is

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to just keep your mind busy. Yeah. Like, in other words,

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if I don't want you. If I want you to feel compersion about

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me having fun with this couple or this girl, then I

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got to make sure that you're having fun with a couple or

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a girl so that you're having a good time. And you can be

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like, oh, yeah, look at you. You're having a great time. I'm glad you're having

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a great time because you're over here having a great time. You know what I

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mean? So it's kind of not really even, like, I gotta make sure that you're

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set up and. Yeah, no, no, it's not. Enjoying yourself in order for me

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to enjoy myself. It is what it is. I definitely know it's not even.

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No, it's not. I have no comparison sometimes. No, you don't.

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You're like, I don't want you to be having a good time, whatever. Unless I'm

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having a good time then. Or unless you're having a good time with me.

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That's right. I'll allow it. Yes. But otherwise, no.

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Yeah. No, it's not even. No. No. But anywho,

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we. I feel. Yeah, you're gonna.

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I make the scenario probably worse than what it

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is, and. But it still is a scenario. So. Like,

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there is still times where I feel awkward because some

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men just do not know how to flirt with the. With other

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than their. Their significant other with their primary partner.

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They don't know how to flirt with Me. And I probably

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don't give a very obvious flirty

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vibe. Well, so that's the, that's something that we've been talking about and

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I'm. And I'm kind of curious. Read the room. Yeah, well, so.

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And that's, that's the thing about it is there's two schools

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of thought when it comes to you. The first one is because I

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don't have problems with people flirting with me. I don't feel like

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that's an issue. I feel like women are pretty flirty

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with me for the most part. There's some women that claim they

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don't know how to flirt, but I'm that woman. I haven't really had any issue

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with that. I literally just told somebody's wife, I don't know how

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to flirt with your husband. Really? And she was like, he's a more visual

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person. I was like, oh, cool. So what does that mean? Like, show a tit?

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Like pictures. It could be a regular picture. No, it could be

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a picture of me clothed and just kind of giving a flirty little smile.

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Yeah. But yeah, he's a visual person.

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Or like paint the pic. It's like you. I'm an. I'm. I'm very imaginative.

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So, yeah, if you can use your words to get me

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to imagine things and by all means, you got me. So, yeah, yeah, I'm all

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mental, baby. I don't know how to flirt. Well, so that's the thing about it

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is you. You and a lot of other people claim that

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they don't know how to flirt. You've got a lot of people who claim they

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don't know how to flirt. And then you've got a lot of people who are

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the extreme when it comes to flirting. Yes. Like they're non

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stop in your face. I'm gonna tell every single person the exact

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same thing. This is my go to flirt copy paste,

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right? Yes. Right. We've seen it. Yeah. I think that

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people try too hard and that's on both

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extremes. People who claim that they don't know how to flirt are trying too

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hard. People that claim that they're really good at flirting are trying

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too hard. Realistically, what is flirting? Flirting is being nice

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with an intention. Right. It's with an intention.

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So if you could just be nice to somebody with an intention.

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Like maybe my intention is to butter you up a

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little bit so that maybe we can have some sex, then flirting just got easier.

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It's me taking some sort of interest in

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you, which I already have. Obviously, if I'm talking

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to you. I'm interested. Yeah. So now I'm wanting

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to know little bits about you. I have certain questions that I'm going to ask

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to learn a bit more about you. And we're going to go down this whole

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path to get to know you. And in the process,

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I'm going to be cherry picking certain things to, to expand

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upon because you can tell whether you get excited when they're talking about something

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or they're not excited about. Exactly. And so you take the thing that they're excited

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about, you talk about it, you know, and from there,

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regular conversation, it gets really just kind of

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easier to just have that intention. Yeah. You know what I mean?

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And so that's. I don't feel like I'm a really

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good flirt. I, I've been told that I am. Yeah. By both

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men and women that I am a really good flirt. I don't think that I

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am. But at the same time too, like I said, I am just,

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I'm just nice with an intention. Yeah. And sometimes

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you, you're flirty. You think.

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Yes. Okay, well, I mean, yeah, but I,

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and I just said that with, I, I'm being nice with an intention. It's flirting.

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Yeah, that's exactly what that is. Yeah. For sure. So that's exactly your title.

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That's, that's exactly an intention. Yeah. I mean, it's. I'm being nice with an

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intention because if you take the way I interact with women that

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I'm interested in sexually and you compare it to my

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interactions with women I'm not interested in sexually and

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even men, there's not a whole lot of difference with

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how I interact. No, there is not. I am the same person

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that I talk to with this guy over here that I am with this

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woman over here that I'm hoping to seal the deal with. The only difference is,

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is that maybe, I don't know, minute,

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minute differences, maybe I smile a bit more whenever I'm making eye

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contact. Maybe I'll, I'll touch her arm or something like that. I'll throw out,

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you know, a compliment here or there, in between of all. Yeah. But my interactions

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are the same. Yeah. So it's just being nice with intention.

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Now I will tell you we've been trying to figure

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out because we've had it come up before where people

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feel, I guess, more welcomed or

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invited by me in conversation and then you've

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gone, well, how come they don't talk to me like that? I'm. I'm pretty open.

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I'm pretty. Yeah. Chill. You know? And I

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honestly have no idea. Yeah, me neither. Like, I haven't been able to answer that

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because obviously I'm married to you. I feel like you're very sweet.

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I feel like you're very welcoming, but I've also seen you when you've not been

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very sweet and welcoming. And so I know what. I know

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what sweet and welcoming it looks like on you guys. Look,

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look, peeps, let me tell you. Look, peeps. Look, peeps.

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Let me tell you how this works. I know that

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Pris has always said, I am not.

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I'm a very territorial person. We've also said that

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sometimes I don't like people to come up to me and talk to me.

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Right? We've said. We've said. Don't give me the little

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good morning, good, good, good morning, beautiful vibes.

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You're so hot. Don't be so creepy. Right? Okay, so let me

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paint this picture. If. If we're in

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a group and my honey is flirting

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with your girl, feel free to flirt this way and

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vice versa, right? Like, if the girl's flirting with me, I'm gonna flirt with the

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girl. Right? That's okay because we've already

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set this boundary. Not, not, not boundary, but we already set the stage.

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Like, that's pretty much how it's gonna go. If you know, the vibe is there

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already flirt now. Yeah, there's some times

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where I just. You don't have to try with me.

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You don't have to try with, like, the good morning, beautiful.

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You know, I understand sweet texts,

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and it's really great so you can do them,

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but, like, don't make me feel awkward. Like,

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see, I think there's no, like. Conversation because

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just from a listener standpoint, if, say, somebody listens

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to our podcast constantly, they're listening and they're trying to get to know Chris

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so that they can flirt with her in person. Oh, my God. Somebody asked me

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that yesterday. It's going to be a very difficult thing because you have. You have

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contradicted yourself so many times. An enormity amount of

224
00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:45,180
times. Wait, if we're already. If you've already met. If we're

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00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:48,900
already in a conversation. Okay, so we already have a group text going on.

226
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Right? Like, let's. We're just. Let's just paint the scenario.

227
00:14:52,710 --> 00:14:55,610
Yeah, we have a group text going on. Yes. And you're flirty, flirty,

228
00:14:56,110 --> 00:15:00,610
flirty with the girl. Sure. Sometimes there's crickets when

229
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I flirt. When I. When I don't get. I don't get flirted with.

230
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There's crickets. Like, I don't hear anything. And it's like,

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dude, don't be shy. So, okay, here's. Or here's my thing. Just be

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00:15:13,190 --> 00:15:16,410
honest and be like, dude, I don't really care for your chick. Oh, my gosh.

233
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Look, listen, here's. Here's my thing. If somebody's

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00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:25,220
listening to the podcast. Okay. If I'm listening to the podcast as

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a third party, who's interested in you, okay. And I'm listening. And I'm listening.

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I'm like, okay, let me take notes. She made it real clear she wants

237
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:37,060
a friend. Yes. She doesn't want somebody who's going to be overly flirty

238
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and creepy and this and that. I don't need Good Morning Beautifuls.

239
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I don't need this constant, hey, you're so hot.

240
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Oh, I want you. I don't need all that. Just be a regular friend.

241
00:15:48,390 --> 00:15:51,430
You've said that several times in the podcast. Just be a regular friend.

242
00:15:51,510 --> 00:15:55,070
Why can't we just talk about regular stuff? So then all of a sudden we're

243
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in a group and I'm flirting with the girl. If I'm the opposite

244
00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:02,670
guy and I've been listening to her podcast, I'm gonna be like, well, let me

245
00:16:03,170 --> 00:16:06,070
just have regular old conversation with her. I'm not gonna flirt with her. This is

246
00:16:06,570 --> 00:16:10,480
the key to success with her. It is the key to success with

247
00:16:10,980 --> 00:16:14,160
me. When you're becoming. But if things are already getting hotter.

248
00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:17,680
Yeah. Where you are flirty more.

249
00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:22,120
Yes. It changes a scenario. So would you say

250
00:16:22,620 --> 00:16:26,320
that a group message is different than a one on one message?

251
00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:30,880
It can be, but it doesn't need to be because.

252
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:36,160
No. You can say what you can say in a group that you can say

253
00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:39,560
one on one. Like, you know,

254
00:16:40,060 --> 00:16:42,640
I find it hot when you're flirting. I don't have a problem with it.

255
00:16:43,140 --> 00:16:45,760
But not everybody feels that. And I agree. And I think there's couples out there

256
00:16:46,260 --> 00:16:49,520
that agree. And if that's how it is, it really needs to be said.

257
00:16:50,020 --> 00:16:53,320
Oh, I don't really care for anybody flirting with my husband while I'm in

258
00:16:53,820 --> 00:16:56,920
the group. Right. I don't mind saying that. Sure. If I have

259
00:16:57,420 --> 00:17:00,690
a problem with it. I really do not mind saying that. And I know other

260
00:17:01,190 --> 00:17:04,250
people might not want to be able to say that. Right. But I feel.

261
00:17:04,490 --> 00:17:07,370
That's where I feel kind of third wheelish. It's like.

262
00:17:07,770 --> 00:17:11,170
And I'm not saying that you do not give me the flirty vibes.

263
00:17:11,670 --> 00:17:16,409
No. Yeah. That's automatic. But I'm saying, like, Put yourself in the scenario where we

264
00:17:16,909 --> 00:17:20,410
have a group text. Yeah. And say the guy's only.

265
00:17:20,910 --> 00:17:24,330
The guy and the girl are only flirting with me. Sure. You feel

266
00:17:24,830 --> 00:17:28,360
kind of weird. I would, but there's a difference. The difference is,

267
00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:31,000
is that the moment that I.

268
00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:35,280
If we're all there with the intention of a couple swamp or whatever,

269
00:17:35,780 --> 00:17:39,320
we're. We're meeting each other up for that, and I feel like

270
00:17:39,820 --> 00:17:43,960
they're both into you Initially, I will throw myself

271
00:17:44,460 --> 00:17:48,040
out there to flirt with the wife a bit more to

272
00:17:48,540 --> 00:17:51,720
kind of show that I'm interested. Now, after a while of trying, if I still

273
00:17:52,220 --> 00:17:55,400
get no reciprocation, then I'm pulling back. Right. Okay.

274
00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:59,400
But I have to try. Now. This is where. So should I.

275
00:17:59,900 --> 00:18:03,680
Chivalry. Yeah. Jumps in. Because I feel

276
00:18:04,180 --> 00:18:07,920
like you're a strong female personality, and you're

277
00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:12,000
like, people should be flirting with me, but at

278
00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:15,440
the same time, I'm not going to show interest in anybody. I'm just going to

279
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sit here with this face on my face,

280
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and hopefully one of you peasants is going to have the balls to

281
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come talk to me. And if you don't, I'm not going to like you.

282
00:18:28,310 --> 00:18:32,170
And if you do, I may not like you. You're very much like a

283
00:18:32,670 --> 00:18:36,370
cat. Like, you're just sitting there scoping every. Everything out.

284
00:18:36,850 --> 00:18:40,210
Somebody comes up, they put their drink on the table, and you knock that bitch

285
00:18:40,710 --> 00:18:43,570
down. You're like, no, no, you're not sitting here.

286
00:18:44,860 --> 00:18:47,860
And then. And then you come up to me and you start purring at me,

287
00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:51,940
getting in between me and another woman. You're like, why isn't anybody flirting with me?

288
00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:55,300
And I'm like, bruh, it's because you just knocked down his water bottle off the

289
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:59,540
table. Stop being a cat. You have to. I think I

290
00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:02,300
could be wrong. I could be wrong. There's people that agree with you on this.

291
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:05,540
I could be wrong. But look, peeps, I think you just got to get out

292
00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:09,780
there. Look, peeps, I'm not a. I can be the first

293
00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:13,760
to flirt. That's all good. I don't want to. No, you don't

294
00:19:14,260 --> 00:19:17,800
want to. I don't want to. Contradictions. If you are in a group text with

295
00:19:18,300 --> 00:19:22,240
us, flirt. If my man is flirting with your woman, flirt.

296
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:25,760
So understand, guys and ladies, you got

297
00:19:26,260 --> 00:19:30,160
to understand that she started this podcast so that she didn't have to flirt

298
00:19:30,660 --> 00:19:33,800
with you. This is your way of getting to know her so that you can

299
00:19:34,300 --> 00:19:37,770
flirt with her without having to trot. Dude, you're awesome.

300
00:19:37,850 --> 00:19:41,490
Right? That's the whole Point of this podcast, it's not to educate y'

301
00:19:41,990 --> 00:19:45,530
all. It's not to entertain y' all. This is for her.

302
00:19:46,010 --> 00:19:48,690
This is for her, for y' all to get to know her so that she

303
00:19:49,190 --> 00:19:52,410
doesn't have to work so hard at it. Oh, yeah, dude.

304
00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:55,130
No, dude, that's not how it works, man.

305
00:19:57,210 --> 00:20:00,810
You can't do that. No, man, look, guys, you gotta put the work out.

306
00:20:01,310 --> 00:20:03,930
This is an Adam in Prison podcast.

307
00:20:05,980 --> 00:20:08,460
So, yes, you have an open door.

308
00:20:08,780 --> 00:20:12,300
Oh, man. But see, here's the thing with this, and I'm gonna say a

309
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:16,660
statement. That's going to be a very controversial statement, man. Very controversial.

310
00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:21,180
You hear this? And let me tell you something. Everybody. Everybody thinks

311
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:24,780
this. No one will admit it. But let's face it,

312
00:20:24,860 --> 00:20:28,700
there's a lot of us that you'll put yourself out there in

313
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:31,870
hopes of. Of true. Drumming up some. Some interest.

314
00:20:32,590 --> 00:20:36,110
You've done this before in hopes of drumming up some interest,

315
00:20:36,270 --> 00:20:39,190
saying, oh, hey, look at me. Check out my pictures.

316
00:20:39,690 --> 00:20:42,670
I'm fucking hot. Let's hang out. Anybody want to hang out? Who's. You know.

317
00:20:43,170 --> 00:20:46,710
So you drop your line with your little shrimp, okay. In hopes

318
00:20:47,210 --> 00:20:50,830
of getting people to, I don't know, show interest.

319
00:20:50,990 --> 00:20:54,750
Yes. And then there's one or two people that show

320
00:20:55,250 --> 00:20:58,920
interest, and they're not normally the people that you want to

321
00:20:59,420 --> 00:21:02,880
show interest. So then you sit back and you're like, ugh, nobody's showing

322
00:21:03,380 --> 00:21:05,480
interest in me. And I'm like, well, there was a couple people. And you're like,

323
00:21:05,980 --> 00:21:09,560
no. You know what I'm saying? And I'm like, yeah, I know what you're saying,

324
00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:13,480
but who is it that you want to show interest?

325
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:16,880
Because if those. What is my answer? You're like,

326
00:21:17,380 --> 00:21:20,600
I don't really. I'm not interested in anybody. And I'm like, then why are you

327
00:21:21,100 --> 00:21:24,480
throwing your line out there to catch someone if there's nobody that you're really interested

328
00:21:24,980 --> 00:21:28,530
in? You're not the Facebook God. So confusing. Got it.

329
00:21:29,170 --> 00:21:32,370
But I tell you what. See, this is. This is where the third wheel comes

330
00:21:32,870 --> 00:21:36,370
in for me, because it's. It's hard for me

331
00:21:37,170 --> 00:21:40,610
in situations with you. You know, I've. I've dealt

332
00:21:41,110 --> 00:21:43,650
with the third wheel from feeling like the third wheel for years,

333
00:21:44,210 --> 00:21:47,850
and now it's kind of switched because I feel like there's a lot of situations

334
00:21:48,350 --> 00:21:52,180
that you've felt like the third wheel. Because I'm connecting as of

335
00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:55,660
lately. As I roll my eyes, I can almost hear them.

336
00:21:57,260 --> 00:22:00,660
And so it's been happening more and more to you

337
00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:04,660
lately. Now my, my thing is with the

338
00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:07,740
whole third wheel syndrome, I recently had it,

339
00:22:08,300 --> 00:22:12,380
you know, because what I realize is, is if

340
00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:16,300
we're not all actively trying to communicate,

341
00:22:16,540 --> 00:22:20,660
the four of us, then it's gonna leave

342
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:25,100
one of us out. Now, you've always claimed in group messages, I'm not

343
00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:29,220
a good communicator. I'm better in person. Okay, well, that's great

344
00:22:29,380 --> 00:22:32,420
if we're seeing each other in person often. Right.

345
00:22:32,820 --> 00:22:36,100
But if we live over an hour away, then we're probably going

346
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:39,620
to be utilizing the group message more to get to know each other. And if

347
00:22:40,120 --> 00:22:43,500
we're doing that, it's going to be me connecting with the people who

348
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:47,250
are interacting in the group and not you. So then when we

349
00:22:47,750 --> 00:22:51,090
all get together as a foursome to have conversation over

350
00:22:51,590 --> 00:22:53,970
dinner or whatever it is. Yeah. You're going to be the one left out.

351
00:22:54,610 --> 00:22:58,610
Yeah. You know what I mean? Because the connection's already been established.

352
00:22:58,690 --> 00:23:01,570
I mean, realistically, it's work. It's work.

353
00:23:02,450 --> 00:23:05,410
Boo. Huh? I don't want to put in the word.

354
00:23:08,610 --> 00:23:11,410
I don't know what to tell you. I'm just gonna feel like the third wheel.

355
00:23:11,910 --> 00:23:14,810
This is like our kid with the whole instrument thing. He wants to be in

356
00:23:15,310 --> 00:23:17,950
marching band, but he doesn't want to do the work. I'm gonn be the squeaky

357
00:23:18,450 --> 00:23:22,590
third wheel. Because I

358
00:23:23,090 --> 00:23:26,190
have to. I have to deal with the squeakiness. I'm not.

359
00:23:26,590 --> 00:23:30,350
You're so lucky, I guess. Like, have you realized how lucky

360
00:23:30,850 --> 00:23:34,230
you are? I am at times. I am. I can be. Let me

361
00:23:34,730 --> 00:23:37,230
remind you, I can be. I'm missing when I feel like the third wheel.

362
00:23:37,730 --> 00:23:41,430
I'm missing and go, you know, here's. You know what's

363
00:23:41,930 --> 00:23:45,760
funny is, is we were talking to some friends. There was a guy friend in

364
00:23:46,260 --> 00:23:48,640
a lifestyle who's asking if I ever get jealous and that sort of thing.

365
00:23:49,140 --> 00:23:52,520
Yeah. And I don't. And I think that this is where

366
00:23:53,020 --> 00:23:56,520
separate play comes in. In handy. And this is, this is something

367
00:23:57,020 --> 00:23:59,320
that I've been talking about for a while because the whole third wheel thing is

368
00:23:59,820 --> 00:24:02,920
a thing when you're a couple. Yeah. You know, you, you go out with another

369
00:24:03,420 --> 00:24:06,640
couple and maybe not everybody is vibing with everybody. Right. And that's

370
00:24:07,140 --> 00:24:10,680
hard. But the people that are vibing, I think should still be able

371
00:24:11,180 --> 00:24:14,960
to play and enjoy themselves if there's not a complete four

372
00:24:15,460 --> 00:24:19,200
way connection. Now that, that's. We. We have the ability to do that. We've talked

373
00:24:19,700 --> 00:24:22,360
about that, that sort of thing, of course, on a case by case basis,

374
00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:26,520
but that's that's kind of our dynamic, you know,

375
00:24:27,020 --> 00:24:30,040
this way neither one of us miss out on an opportunity. Yeah.

376
00:24:30,360 --> 00:24:33,520
There are several couples out there that have talked to us and been like,

377
00:24:34,020 --> 00:24:37,080
well, you know, my wife is into this person

378
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:41,720
and I'm not into their spouse and I'm into

379
00:24:42,220 --> 00:24:45,800
this person, but she's not into their spouse. Yeah. And it's kind of like,

380
00:24:46,300 --> 00:24:49,360
well, sorry. Yeah, I don't know what to tell you.

381
00:24:49,860 --> 00:24:53,560
That's. That's yalls deal. You know, until you guys decide that playing

382
00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:55,880
separately is going to work for you,

383
00:24:56,760 --> 00:25:00,120
you're just going to have to sit this one out, Coach. Yeah. You know,

384
00:25:00,620 --> 00:25:02,720
like that's just the way it goes. And feel like a third wheel when.

385
00:25:03,220 --> 00:25:06,620
Everyone feel like a third wheel. Yeah, exactly. And I mean there's.

386
00:25:07,120 --> 00:25:09,620
You take the goods with the bad. There is. I mean, if you can't play

387
00:25:10,120 --> 00:25:13,460
separately, you know, and you, and you can feel that way for any,

388
00:25:13,540 --> 00:25:17,580
any reasons really. I mean, I know that people think sometimes

389
00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:20,060
it's a negative thing for me to say, well, if you can't play separately,

390
00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:24,020
it's. It kind of roots back to certain insecurities. It doesn't mean

391
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:26,980
that you're a bad person. It just means that there's certain insecurities that you just

392
00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:30,140
wear them as a badge. I mean, it's not a big deal. What your dynamic

393
00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:33,500
is, is your dynamics. So I'm not saying that anybody that can play separate is

394
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:37,020
better than you. But what I'm saying is if you want this,

395
00:25:37,900 --> 00:25:41,260
there's only one real way to attain it. You know what

396
00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:45,260
I mean? You know, not everybody's going to have that four way connection.

397
00:25:45,340 --> 00:25:49,100
So if you only play as a couple, you're going to have that

398
00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:53,260
third wheel feeling sometimes. And that's the hard part. Yeah. But you

399
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:56,860
accept it. Yeah, you accept it and it's like, oh, well, there's a missed

400
00:25:57,360 --> 00:26:00,470
opportunity. But it is what it is. You know, we do this together. Or you

401
00:26:00,970 --> 00:26:04,110
can sit back with your spouse and go, man, that's a missed opportunity. Are you

402
00:26:04,610 --> 00:26:08,030
sure there's no way I can expand on this and enjoy myself?

403
00:26:08,590 --> 00:26:11,790
And maybe you see that couple that's been eye fucking you across the bar,

404
00:26:11,870 --> 00:26:15,150
go have a good time. Go talk to them. Maybe. Yeah, go have.

405
00:26:15,650 --> 00:26:18,590
Go knock yourself. There's always a maybe. What I love about us is that.

406
00:26:18,830 --> 00:26:22,430
We evolve and we approach each situation individually.

407
00:26:22,590 --> 00:26:26,030
Yeah. Every situation is different. So we can sit here and

408
00:26:26,530 --> 00:26:30,150
go, well, we don't ever do this. Nope. But realistically we don't say

409
00:26:30,650 --> 00:26:33,950
that because we don't know. We don't know. Every situation is different.

410
00:26:34,450 --> 00:26:37,790
Yeah. We said that we were never ever gonna date again, but yeah,

411
00:26:39,150 --> 00:26:42,590
a little bit. I'm kind of dating somebody a little bit. Not really, but kind

412
00:26:43,090 --> 00:26:45,550
of. I mean, we're not putting titles on it, but I don't know. She's our

413
00:26:46,050 --> 00:26:49,390
friend. She's our friend that we spend a lot of time with.

414
00:26:49,550 --> 00:26:53,670
She's a friend. She's a friend. She said she's just

415
00:26:54,170 --> 00:26:57,330
a friend and. She'S a pretty friend. Just a friend. Yes,

416
00:26:57,830 --> 00:27:00,770
she is a pretty friend, but you know what I'm saying, Like we don't ever

417
00:27:01,270 --> 00:27:04,330
see. I don't feel like a third wheel there. No.

418
00:27:04,570 --> 00:27:08,170
Isn't that interesting? Well, because that very clearly has an equal.

419
00:27:09,450 --> 00:27:12,570
An equal connection on both ends. Yeah. Yeah,

420
00:27:13,050 --> 00:27:16,250
but. And that's because there's. And I'm. There's three of us. So if

421
00:27:16,750 --> 00:27:20,130
you felt like a third wheel. Be weird. I mean. Oh, then I would just

422
00:27:20,630 --> 00:27:23,530
feel you. Like those three wheeled motorcycles. Yeah.

423
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:27,640
Look, just flirt. Just flirt. Just take the

424
00:27:28,140 --> 00:27:31,720
chance. Is that what you're telling people who are interested in you? If you're interested

425
00:27:32,220 --> 00:27:35,640
in Priscilla, I want you to hear this. Don't pay attention to the past episodes

426
00:27:36,140 --> 00:27:40,080
where she said, don't flirt with her now at this time

427
00:27:40,580 --> 00:27:43,520
in her life. Just go ahead and flirt. Just do it.

428
00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:47,160
Yeah, I'm getting too old. Was there more

429
00:27:47,660 --> 00:27:49,280
to that sentence or is that too old?

430
00:27:51,010 --> 00:27:54,330
Yolo. You know, it's not a fun feeling to feel like

431
00:27:54,830 --> 00:27:57,410
the third wheel. Yeah. And I've been feeling like that, and I don't like that.

432
00:27:57,490 --> 00:28:01,250
So I don't like the feeling of a third wheel because what happens with me

433
00:28:01,650 --> 00:28:05,569
is I disassociate myself. So. And so that's

434
00:28:06,069 --> 00:28:08,530
the problem right there. So. Because I was going to ask you. Yeah.

435
00:28:09,090 --> 00:28:12,370
When you feel like a third wheel, especially like in a. In a couple

436
00:28:12,870 --> 00:28:16,450
setting where we're meeting up with another couple and the

437
00:28:16,950 --> 00:28:20,050
vibe is supposed to be there, all four of us. When you feel like the

438
00:28:20,550 --> 00:28:24,570
third wheel, your normal go to. Is to disassociate.

439
00:28:25,070 --> 00:28:28,810
Yes. And just kind of pull, disconnect. Yeah. And I'm left there to

440
00:28:29,310 --> 00:28:32,730
kind of keep going, which makes things worse.

441
00:28:33,210 --> 00:28:36,570
So instead of doing the same thing over and over again that, you know,

442
00:28:37,070 --> 00:28:40,610
doesn't work, why not do something different. And be like,

443
00:28:41,110 --> 00:28:43,690
hey, yo, you can flirt with me. Since my husband's flirty. Yes. Your wife.

444
00:28:43,930 --> 00:28:46,970
Done. What did, what did I. What did I just say to somebody yesterday?

445
00:28:47,470 --> 00:28:49,050
I was like, you know, it's okay to flirt with me. You don't have to

446
00:28:49,550 --> 00:28:52,730
just flirt with my wife. Yeah. Like. And you know what it

447
00:28:53,230 --> 00:28:57,210
does? It makes me look needy. Oh, well, it's me being honest.

448
00:28:57,290 --> 00:29:00,170
Yeah. And you know what? If I didn't voice that.

449
00:29:00,490 --> 00:29:03,930
Yes. I'm just going to sit there feeling bad for myself.

450
00:29:04,570 --> 00:29:08,170
Now, if I voice that and after that, it still doesn't

451
00:29:08,670 --> 00:29:12,340
come my way, then maybe the interest is not there. But I think the open.

452
00:29:12,420 --> 00:29:15,660
I think it comes down to open communication. And this is something we preach about

453
00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:19,980
every aspect of the lifestyle. I think it should apply here, too. So if

454
00:29:20,480 --> 00:29:23,660
you're feeling like a third wheel, you shouldn't be afraid to. And this goes for

455
00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:27,300
everybody. You shouldn't be afraid to just speak up in the moment and say,

456
00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:31,380
man, you know, I'm kind of feeling like the third wheel here. Okay.

457
00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:35,220
And just have it as an open discussion, because chances are, if they're good

458
00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:38,020
people, they're going to sit there and they're going to openly discuss it with you.

459
00:29:38,520 --> 00:29:41,550
Okay. And go, I can do that. Let's fix this. I don't.

460
00:29:42,190 --> 00:29:46,070
Or be honest and be like, I'm not interested. Yeah. Because I get all the

461
00:29:46,570 --> 00:29:50,550
attention from you, and if the tension is going from very little

462
00:29:51,050 --> 00:29:54,510
to me to somebody else. Not that you just overdo it, but, like,

463
00:29:55,010 --> 00:29:58,630
you show interest, and I'm not getting any reciprocation because the

464
00:29:59,130 --> 00:30:02,510
husband is enjoying what you're doing and how it's making her happy.

465
00:30:02,590 --> 00:30:05,870
Right. Then I'm just going to walk away from the situation,

466
00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:09,680
you know? Well, so that. And so, like. Yeah, that's the thing where, like,

467
00:30:10,180 --> 00:30:14,320
different scenarios can come, because then I'm gonna. One, I'm gonna either disassociate

468
00:30:14,820 --> 00:30:17,880
myself and remove myself, and then I'm just gonna end up saying, like,

469
00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:21,320
okay, babe, they're not somebody I want you to play separate with.

470
00:30:21,820 --> 00:30:25,200
Do you know what I mean? It can go. It's gonna be. It's. It's situational.

471
00:30:25,700 --> 00:30:28,840
It's situational. It can go different ways. Yeah. And so, yeah,

472
00:30:29,340 --> 00:30:32,360
I could totally be the one that say, yeah, stop over flirting.

473
00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:36,280
And I think I'm gonna do the same thing when I feel the same way,

474
00:30:37,050 --> 00:30:40,130
because it kind of needs. I mean, I don't feel this.

475
00:30:40,630 --> 00:30:44,170
I don't feel that very often, but I felt it recently, not too long ago

476
00:30:44,670 --> 00:30:47,370
in a situation with you. And in that situation,

477
00:30:48,250 --> 00:30:50,330
I don't know if I should have spoke up or not.

478
00:30:51,450 --> 00:30:54,490
I think that particular situation, I.

479
00:30:54,650 --> 00:30:58,330
I wasn't ever really involved in. So it wasn't really my

480
00:30:58,830 --> 00:31:01,690
place to speak on it with them. I spoke on it with you,

481
00:31:02,090 --> 00:31:04,970
and I left it at that. You know what I mean? Like, but it needs

482
00:31:05,470 --> 00:31:08,400
to be vocalized. Yeah. You know, like, if you're feeling like the third whee.

483
00:31:08,470 --> 00:31:11,430
And then realistically, you got to sit back as a couple and go, okay,

484
00:31:11,930 --> 00:31:15,430
how can we fix this? How can we fix the third wheel issue? Yeah.

485
00:31:15,930 --> 00:31:19,110
You know, and. And what can we do next time when this comes up or

486
00:31:19,610 --> 00:31:22,350
if it's the same couple? What. How should we go about this and. The way

487
00:31:22,850 --> 00:31:27,030
I feel. How. So, like, for instance, let's. There's another

488
00:31:27,530 --> 00:31:32,470
scenario, right. Where it's a couple, but it's

489
00:31:32,970 --> 00:31:36,850
kind of like us. So there's a couple, and the couple is only one of

490
00:31:37,350 --> 00:31:41,130
the persons the girl is really interested in in us both. Right. So there's

491
00:31:41,630 --> 00:31:44,610
really not any. Like, you will flirt with her,

492
00:31:45,490 --> 00:31:48,850
maybe she'll flirt back. But he doesn't flirt with me or

493
00:31:49,250 --> 00:31:52,970
with anybody else. Right. So in that kind of scenario,

494
00:31:53,470 --> 00:31:57,170
like, when we go out and I just pretty much come out and

495
00:31:57,670 --> 00:32:00,050
say, okay, so this is like a vanilla just meet and greet. Like, we're just

496
00:32:00,550 --> 00:32:03,980
going as friends to go have

497
00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:07,500
dinner or to go chill out. And it stays like that. Like,

498
00:32:07,980 --> 00:32:11,380
two couples as friends. Two couples as friends going out. So, like, you have to

499
00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:15,380
make sure that you put your little boundaries up. If you have them or if

500
00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:19,580
you don't, then that's fine. But, like, so that I don't feel uncomfortable

501
00:32:20,140 --> 00:32:23,420
if you're over. Not over flirting, but if you're flirting and

502
00:32:23,920 --> 00:32:27,420
so that he doesn't feel uncomfortable. Right. You know, even though that

503
00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:31,110
might be his kink to see his wife being, you know,

504
00:32:31,610 --> 00:32:34,910
flirted with or whatever. Right. Time and place type of thing.

505
00:32:35,410 --> 00:32:38,470
Yeah, yeah. You know, and so that nobody feels. Like a third wheel because,

506
00:32:38,550 --> 00:32:43,230
you know, and, you know, realistically, for. For everybody

507
00:32:43,730 --> 00:32:47,550
out there, if you're connecting with a couple, do your best

508
00:32:48,050 --> 00:32:51,550
to make everybody feel included. You know,

509
00:32:52,050 --> 00:32:55,830
I really work like Hal to make sure that everybody

510
00:32:56,330 --> 00:33:00,050
in. In the dinner or wherever we're at feels included.

511
00:33:00,550 --> 00:33:03,850
Oh, yeah. If I'm flirting with the girl or

512
00:33:04,350 --> 00:33:07,930
the wife, chances are I'm equally talking to the

513
00:33:08,430 --> 00:33:12,290
husband and I'm bringing him into conversation. I've seen husbands that have hung

514
00:33:12,790 --> 00:33:15,850
back, and you could tell, they start disassociating, and it's like, oh, no, no,

515
00:33:16,350 --> 00:33:18,010
no, no, no. Come on in this. I want to know what you think about

516
00:33:18,510 --> 00:33:22,170
this. You know what I mean? I don't want anybody feeling left out in a

517
00:33:22,670 --> 00:33:25,540
Situation like that. So if everybody could just try your best.

518
00:33:25,700 --> 00:33:29,020
Yeah. To make sure that everybody's involved. It makes

519
00:33:29,520 --> 00:33:32,460
a difference. Check on your person. Check on your person. Check on your person.

520
00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:36,700
Even knowing your person is next to you, holding your hand and being

521
00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:40,779
touchy feely with you. Check on your person on their vibe. But also check

522
00:33:41,279 --> 00:33:44,340
on the opposite person. Yeah. Like, you know, if I see.

523
00:33:44,740 --> 00:33:47,980
If I see. If I'm flirting with somebody and I see the husband just

524
00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:51,790
sitting there, I'm. I'm going to be actively noticing.

525
00:33:51,950 --> 00:33:55,590
Yeah. And actively trying to bring him in because I don't want anybody

526
00:33:56,090 --> 00:33:59,470
feeling left out. Yeah. I want to continue flirting with your wife. So in order

527
00:33:59,970 --> 00:34:02,670
to do that, I'm gonna have to bring you in. Sometimes I have to flirt

528
00:34:03,170 --> 00:34:06,750
with a guy. There's nothing sexual about it. I'm just like, look at you with

529
00:34:07,250 --> 00:34:10,990
your shoulders. Yeah, you got great shoulders. You know, my wife's

530
00:34:11,490 --> 00:34:14,830
legs would be great on them. That's right. That's right. Her forest

531
00:34:15,330 --> 00:34:17,530
fire hair on her legs.

532
00:34:18,730 --> 00:34:21,610
You like that? Really? No, I'm just kidding. You saved,

533
00:34:22,250 --> 00:34:25,570
I think, above the knee this time. Oh, my God. I'm just

534
00:34:26,070 --> 00:34:29,450
kidding. I'm just. I'm just kidding. No, but that was.

535
00:34:29,950 --> 00:34:33,210
That was always my thing. So the. The third wheel is. Is definitely a situation.

536
00:34:33,770 --> 00:34:36,650
Most of the time when I hear about it, I hear about it from guys,

537
00:34:37,150 --> 00:34:40,570
but it's very obvious it happens to women, too. Yes. The third wheel.

538
00:34:40,650 --> 00:34:43,740
It does. And as of lately, it's been happening to

539
00:34:47,300 --> 00:34:51,300
Yes. Don't I. Just kidding.

540
00:34:52,020 --> 00:34:55,740
Damn, girl. It's only been a few months for me. It's been years for

541
00:34:56,240 --> 00:35:00,100
you. Let me have something. Dang, no. Give me a carrot.

542
00:35:00,260 --> 00:35:03,580
No. I love you. You're cute, you know that?

543
00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:07,700
Yes. Okay, well, anyways, this was a quickie, so.

544
00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:11,350
Oh, this was a quickie. This was a quickie. Well, I'm really glad about you

545
00:35:11,850 --> 00:35:15,230
guys listening to us, and I'm very happy that you are sharing

546
00:35:15,730 --> 00:35:19,110
our podcasts and liking the content. We're getting a lot of good

547
00:35:19,610 --> 00:35:23,070
reviews and a lot of good feedback from the shows that we're doing.

548
00:35:23,150 --> 00:35:26,950
And if there's anything that you want to hear, want to talk

549
00:35:27,450 --> 00:35:31,310
to us about, let us know, because we're definitely down to have

550
00:35:31,810 --> 00:35:35,150
different conversations. Very soon we will be doing a lot

551
00:35:35,650 --> 00:35:38,030
of content with other people,

552
00:35:38,190 --> 00:35:41,990
interviewing them, trying to get our friends involved just because there's a really

553
00:35:42,490 --> 00:35:45,950
good community that we belong to. And they're.

554
00:35:46,270 --> 00:35:50,030
They're a lot of the reason that we grow because

555
00:35:50,530 --> 00:35:54,110
of their feedback and because of how they are so open to sharing our content

556
00:35:54,610 --> 00:35:58,350
and stuff like that. So, yeah, yeah, I'm very glad you're listening to

557
00:35:58,850 --> 00:36:02,070
our little quickies and stuff. Yeah, we really appreciate all you guys listening to

558
00:36:02,570 --> 00:36:06,390
us out there. You know, we, we really regard you guys as, as friends,

559
00:36:06,890 --> 00:36:10,150
especially when you guys reach out to us and, and you know, you give us

560
00:36:10,470 --> 00:36:13,990
a little bit of insight into your own lives, your own sex lives, your own

561
00:36:14,490 --> 00:36:17,870
lifestyle journey. We love hearing from you guys. So you can find us on all

562
00:36:18,370 --> 00:36:20,790
the social medias, Facebook, Instagram,

563
00:36:21,990 --> 00:36:25,550
TikTok. I think we're on Reddit now as

564
00:36:26,050 --> 00:36:29,590
well. So there's lots of ways to communicate with us if you look

565
00:36:30,090 --> 00:36:33,730
us up on Facebook. Beyond monogamy on Facebook, there is

566
00:36:34,230 --> 00:36:37,690
a call us button. You're welcome to call us and leave us a voicemail.

567
00:36:38,190 --> 00:36:40,970
You can also use that number to text us if you want to text us.

568
00:36:41,470 --> 00:36:44,770
Any, any feedback, any stories, anything you'd like read on the air,

569
00:36:45,270 --> 00:36:48,890
maybe some discussion topics. We would love to hear from you. So please

570
00:36:49,390 --> 00:36:52,890
utilize that. We also have our email beyond monogamy4umail.com

571
00:36:53,390 --> 00:36:56,490
that's beyond monogamy number four letter umail.com

572
00:36:57,360 --> 00:36:59,200
so you have a lot of different ways to get a hold of us.

573
00:36:59,840 --> 00:37:03,000
Go ahead. Do it. Do it. Do it.

574
00:37:03,500 --> 00:37:06,480
We dare you. Do it. Do it. Yeah, do it.

575
00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:10,680
Okay, so with that, we're going to go ahead and pull back and disassociate

576
00:37:11,180 --> 00:37:15,000
from the show. So we appreciate you guys joining us, but we will see

577
00:37:15,500 --> 00:37:16,320
you guys next week.